In Memoriam January 17, 2024 4:11 AM   Subscribe

This is intended as a picnic table at the bottom of the garden where anyone who would like to, can come over and share something about a mefite who has died, either this past year or any other.
posted by From Bklyn to MetaFilter-Related at 4:11 AM (43 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

I still think of rtha every time I see a redtail. Where I live, I see them a lot.
posted by restless_nomad (retired) at 5:49 AM on January 17 [67 favorites]

I miss Anitanola. She'll be gone 10 years in December.
posted by kimberussell at 6:09 AM on January 17 [31 favorites]

There are several voices here that have fallen silent in recent years, and I wonder whether have passed away or not. Just yesterday JHarris mentioned oneswellfoop, but there are many others I could name.

The strange thing about a community that is entirely text based, existing only as a web forum, is that it is impossible to know whether someone has stepped away from participating, or whether they've passed away, unless someone confirms it.

Most of us here are not bodies to each other; we are identifiable ways of writing, words whose patterns are familiar in some way. I find it remarkable that we are able to form a bond of community this way, but it also means that to mourn a loss comes always with some uncertainty, and sometimes the uncertainty interrupts the ability to mourn.

So I can't mourn oneswellfoop, even though he's been in my thoughts a lot since I read JHarris' comment this morning, because I'd like to hold out hope that he doesn't have time to participate. But I would like to say, that there are a whole bunch of things that make me think of him everytime I encounter them, whether it's regular callers to radio stations, a certain style of glasses, and the phrase "end well". But more so than that, I have a sense of him as a person, a feel for his particular, unique humanity, that I carry with me in my head, and probably will until the day I die, or lose my memory.

It's strange that someone who I never shared a physical room with, whose voice I never heard, is such a clear person in my memories. Strange and not so strange. Either way, I miss him.
posted by Kattullus at 6:12 AM on January 17 [43 favorites]

Miss you, HuronBob.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:19 AM on January 17 [35 favorites]

There’s a list on the wiki, if folks want to check how long it’s been. It’s nearly a year since eotvos died, and we’re all poorer for it.
posted by zamboni at 6:37 AM on January 17 [15 favorites]

I miss gman. I think of him whenever I pass the bar where he organized the Mefi X meetup.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:45 AM on January 17 [17 favorites]

Oh thank you for setting this MeTa up. I also think about gman a lot, he was volatile on the site and a total sweetheart in person. I miss anitar, one of my first blogger friends. Scrump was also a prince of a man, as was rolltruckroll. I only met WolfDaddy briefly but it was memorable and enjoyable. Raising a glass for pjern that gruff loveable walrus. MsMolly sent me a letter with a little astronaut figurine to hang on to before she died. I look at it in my office and think of her. I think a bit about puke & cry, and null terminated from time to time. And rtha every time I think about the birds or make a bird post.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:52 AM on January 17 [33 favorites]

I miss pjern
posted by plinth at 8:02 AM on January 17 [15 favorites]

I miss dbarefoot. He passed away in February 2023. He was one of my references of what it meant to be a good man. We knew each other, both of us having been active in the Vancouver blogging scene, and he saw right through me, which I always appreciated. RIP (and fuck cancer).
posted by sillygwailo at 8:43 AM on January 17 [10 favorites]

Just a mod note, if you know a MeFite who has died and their profile page doesn't say deceased, mods can set that up (I just did for dbarefoot) and add a link to an obit or something else. Just drop us a note.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:53 AM on January 17 [10 favorites]

A crouton garden?
posted by Melismata at 9:57 AM on January 17 [6 favorites]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's noticed oneswellfoop having fallen silent.
Wondering about him I looked into his profile. And noticed he had his own email domain which isn't owned anymore.
I hope he had some people around him and they just didn't know enough about his mefi involvement to notify us.
posted by jouke at 10:00 AM on January 17 [7 favorites]

I'm still hoping against hope that oneswellfoop is just busy or not of a mind to come around, though in my heart, I know that isn't particularly likely, given the severity of their ongoing health issues.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:24 AM on January 17 [8 favorites]


Thank you for this kind idea, From Bklyn.
posted by smirkette at 10:26 AM on January 17 [5 favorites]

I somehow missed the news about wolfdaddy / Papa Lobo, one of the very few Mefites I've run into randomly. My then-fiancée and I were visiting her family in Oregon, and were on a hike. Wolfdaddy introduced himself after noticing my Metafilter t-shirt from afar. I'm surprised we didn't grab a photo together to commemorate the occasion
posted by emelenjr at 10:31 AM on January 17 [4 favorites]

God damn, bradlands still hurts. I didn't even know him from here, really, but seeing his name on the list reminded me.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:41 AM on January 17 [10 favorites]

I think I'll always regret that eotvos and I only met briefly a few times and I never got the opportunity to know him better. Memorial thread.
posted by phunniemee at 11:00 AM on January 17 [5 favorites]

Memorial thread

Looks like there was some copy-paste wonkiness. There were two posts for eotvos: here and here.
posted by zamboni at 12:12 PM on January 17 [3 favorites]

One of the things that surprises me here is how many MeFites' participation waxes and wanes. I think nothing of someone not commenting in a while -- and then suddenly their silence is revealed as permanent and not temporary. Too late for good-bye, too late for thank you.

So a serious "thanks" & hug/high-five to all of you, while we can.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:52 PM on January 17 [26 favorites]

I think about pax digita often. We were coworkers for a time, fell out of touch, got back in touch and remained so until his death. He is the reason I am on Metafilter. I miss him.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:51 PM on January 17 [6 favorites]

The Correspondent on the Continent was my friend of 40 years. Words fail me on how devastating his sudden loss last summer has been.

Actually, thinking of it now, there's a secret I'm no longer obligated to keep: Almost a decade ago he maneuvered it so he was the sole moderator of several subreddits related to interest in fascism, made them private so the enemies of humanity could not use them to spread their filth, and defended them against all attempts to pry them loose from his control until his death.
posted by ob1quixote at 2:56 PM on January 17 [60 favorites]

my friend Will was a dick on the internet, less so in the world, but especially toxic here. We talked about it from time to time, but rarely, we had other things to talk about.

He was younger than he thought he was and he was working to be a better man in the world. Maybe he would have grown out of being a dick on the internet. I like to think so.

He's been dead just over ten years now; the bus I ride most often stops right outside the cemetery where he is. I don't always get off at that stop, but every time I do I think of how I was not even going to go to the burial and then raced there from my office on my bike and racing there on my bike was the best way to say he was my friend.
posted by crush at 4:33 PM on January 17 [19 favorites]

ob1quixote - that is inspiring and beautiful. I did not realize they had died, and am sorry for your loss.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:23 AM on January 18 [5 favorites]

Lemurrhea was a good friend and also the core of a group of folks (mostly mefites) who arrived at my place every Sunday afternoon for some RPG goodness. The table we played on is still in use as my work desk, so he reappears in my thoughts pretty much daily.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:39 AM on January 18 [8 favorites]

This thread is sad to read, but I'm also liking how I recognize almost all the names and felt like I knew them all a bit through their comments here.

I never knew him in person, but I was struck by Hippybear's mention the other day that wallabear had passed away a few years ago.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:08 AM on January 18 [6 favorites]

We just received word from another MeFi that jcruelty died in 2022 (obit link).
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:02 AM on January 18 [7 favorites]

skewedoracle was not the most prolific poster here but a few people might remember him from the occasional IRL appearance. He joined MetaFilter five years before I did and he's the one who introduced me to the site.

We met when I was sixteen and he was in his early twenties and we bonded over our shared love of roleplaying games. We were roommates for a couple years and then separated and then became roommates again and then separated and then became roommates again and then separated; I think both of us assumed that we'd repeat the pattern endlessly until one of us died and I guess that's ultimately what happened. We were both young and dumb and broke when we first met and there was an back-and-forth $100 loan that each of us made and paid back to each other so many times that we often couldn't remember who had loaned who the money most recently.

I think about him every day although ten years since his death the weight of my grief isn't as crushing as it used to be. I've spent a lot of time in therapy unpacking the ways I failed him as a friend; we were both endlessly forgiving of each other's foibles but when one of you is dead the other will always have the question of that forgiveness hanging over their head. I suspect he would have told me there's nothing to forgive but man it would be good to hear it. To the degree that I know how to be a functional adult and a person I can live with being, I learned a lot it from him.

There are a couple of different ways I'd almost certainly be dead if he hadn't been involved in my life. There are also a couple of different ways that our friendship nearly killed me. There's no particular reason why I'm here today and he's not; the coin could have very easily flipped the other way and he'd be telling my story instead.

In summation, I miss him and I imagine I will for the rest of my life and I wish all of you could have known him the way that I did.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:12 PM on January 18 [17 favorites]

I really, really miss WolfDaddy. Because of him, I got to know ColdChef and other beloved MeFites. He was just such a great conversationalist and so present every time you talked to him. Just the right amount of chaos. He donated 100 drink stirrers and a Large Alcohol Manufacturer branded pitcher to a charity garage sale I had at my house and the pitcher didn't sell but it was delightful. So I bought it and think of him whenever I have a pitcher of Tom Collinses or some other beverage he would have approved of with friends. I never got his magic salsa recipe.

I think of him a lot because so much has happened to me personally since he died (married, ran for office, adopted a baby) and he would have been so delighted and so much has happened in the world and he would have been very aghast. He's one of those people I would have wanted to share both those extremes with because he liked and was good at absurdity. I would even talk on the phone with him, which is saying something. Thank you for the space to remember my friend somewhere else other than in my head. It feels weird that I'm now older than him.
posted by *s at 1:26 PM on January 18 [9 favorites]

I still work on things that scrump and I wrote together. And there's a pile of his old books over there on the window ledge. I think about him every day.

Other people from real life: rtha and roll truck roll.
posted by tangerine at 1:56 PM on January 18 [10 favorites]

I miss DanF. Among others, but I remember him fondly the most.
posted by annieb at 2:43 PM on January 18 [5 favorites]

Oh, I didn't know rtha had passed. That is hitting me.

Dis manibus to all memorialised here.
posted by running order squabble fest at 5:55 PM on January 18 [2 favorites]

RIP jbickers, too.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:47 AM on January 19 [6 favorites]

RIP donfactor & thanks; without you I would never have known this existed.
posted by adamvasco at 10:03 AM on January 19 [2 favorites]

I was a classmate of Will and when I saw him logged into the blue I asked him what his username was - and he REFUSED TO GIVE IT UP. We had some great conversations.

For me it's Leslie Harpold. Who simply possessed endless kindness and I think of her every time I see an advent. We talked everyday for years but I could never afford to travel to NYC/Michigan, and when I finally could it was too late.
posted by zenon at 10:21 AM on January 19 [6 favorites]

I never met RylandDotNet, but I knew him from Metafilter and from another forum, and he was a good dude. I always tip him a nod when I see a funny church sign meme...
posted by zadcat at 9:45 AM on January 21 [3 favorites]

> I still think of rtha every time I see a redtail. Where I live, I see them a lot.

Ah, this makes me so happy.
posted by gingerbeer at 10:24 PM on January 21 [27 favorites]

I also wanted to say, gingerbeer, I think of rtha every time I think I see one (I'm not very good at visual ID) but for sure every single time I hear the fake eagle screech in media.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:41 AM on January 22 [13 favorites]

Rest in peace, soulbee, and if allkindsoftime is still around, I remember.
posted by carmicha at 5:36 PM on January 22 [7 favorites]

LeLiLo was my friend IRL. He introduced me to Metafilter before I was able to become a five dollar n00b.
He was a traveller, humorist, photographer, author, drummer, and a man for all seasons. We attended
a couple of New England meetups together where we were privileged to meet Languagehat and jessamyn .
I miss his unannounced drop ins and having him in the world.
posted by Hobgoblin at 5:52 AM on January 23 [7 favorites]

We remember MovableBookLady, ably memorialized here.

To me, she was Lindig. She was the best rummy player I have ever encountered; she wiped the floor with all comers at every opportunity. Her name is spoken often.
posted by 4th number at 8:59 AM on January 26 [7 favorites]

Every once in awhile I see something and think I ought to send it to boo_radley and he's not there anymore. Every once in awhile I see his username someplace and I still get upset. He was a funny and caring and kind person and I'm gonna miss him as long as I remember him.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:31 PM on January 27 [9 favorites]

There’s a list on the wiki, if folks want to check how long it’s been
Oh, it hurts to read that list and think of all the fine people we've lost irrevocably. There's a much longer list of people who aren't around here anymore but, while I miss them too, at least there's hope they're out there somewhere living their best life without us.

The loss of WolfDaddy, DanF and Anitanola is especially painful to me, but I miss them all.
posted by dg at 9:33 PM on January 28 [3 favorites]

I miss DanF too, we met a few times IRL and he and his wife stayed with me for a couple of weeks when they were doing a tour of Europe. A lovely man, a goofy old hippie who loved music.

I also miss paulsc (although I acknowledge that others don't), who I believe died in 2014. He disappeared online at that time, and didn't answer emails. Then a short while back I Googled again to see if there was any sign of him, and I found an obit for what I believe was his sister which said that her brother Paul had predeceased her. The name of the other brother matched the brother I knew he had, and the location was where Paul had lived.

You know, it's funny, when I talk to MeFites in person and we talk about whose posts or comments we always notice and who we like or 'follow', there's usually not much overlap, but always a lot of "huh, never heard of them". So we all take different things from here, some people resonate, others don't.
posted by essexjan at 3:22 PM on February 10 [2 favorites]

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