Miguel Cardoso May 14, 2003 6:17 PM   Subscribe

... An influential personage, Isaac Lumbroso, by spending much money, obtained his banishment from Tripoli. Cardoso then wandered from place to place, trying to lead people astray by his prophecies and visions, but meeting no success, as the rabbis had issued warnings against his vagaries.
posted by mattpfeff at 6:25 PM on May 14, 2003

*invokes unholy spirit of Shabattai Zevi to visit the great Rabbi Mattai Oyvey and have this sainted figure smite and delete this thread and permanently suspend attribution of gold star to that rat Pretty Generic.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:40 PM on May 14, 2003

Do you look in the mirror often Miguel? No? Have a thing for staying up all night? Burn easily? Tendency to be an immortal undead generation-tranceding wampir?
posted by Pretty_Generic at 6:49 PM on May 14, 2003

miguel, i think this calls for a golem ; >
posted by amberglow at 6:54 PM on May 14, 2003

*chuckles and strikes PG down with one deadly whiff of his potent, theory-destroying garlicky breath

for it is written he that mocketh the insomniac and hath nothing better to do than google for Cardosos long past shall be smote round the earholes quite pronto, no mistake
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:58 PM on May 14, 2003

That link is pretty clearly a browser-crasher. Twice.

I'm not understanding much of the rest.
posted by hama7 at 7:32 PM on May 14, 2003

Hey hama7 -

suck it.
posted by The Jesse Helms at 7:34 PM on May 14, 2003

This any better hama7?
posted by Pretty_Generic at 7:36 PM on May 14, 2003

And yet another example of the utter implausibility of getting through another metaday without the inimitable Miguel Cardoso.
posted by konolia at 8:02 PM on May 14, 2003

How eloquent you are, The Jesse Helms! Loved the punctuation too. Perhaps someday you'll consider opening a Finishing School of Witty Repartee?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:02 PM on May 14, 2003

Miguel, should we use a crane shot for the golem?

I could do the role of Natan Noah.

MetaTalk: We will hunt down your ancestors for comedic purposes.
posted by clavdivs at 8:22 PM on May 14, 2003


hama7 - Just so you're up to speed. The article indicates (and rather convincingly I might add) that Miguel is 370 years old. Either that or user "MiguelCardoso" has been playing a rather elaborate practical joke on us for quite some time.
posted by y6y6y6 at 8:28 PM on May 14, 2003

A crane shot? I think we need another avian - the leghorn shot.

Brought on by Leghorn, with apologies to Foghorn Leghorn.


The original breed came from Italy, but its many subvarieties originated or were developed in England, Denmark and America. They comprise a group characterized by great activity, hardiness and prolific egg-laying qualities. The females are non-sitters, very few of them exhibiting a tendency to broodiness. Aside from the manifold points of beauty in type and color found in all varieties of Leghorns their excellent productive qualities are valuable assets of the breed.
Especially noted for their production of eggs. The skin color is yellow and the egg shells are white."
posted by skyscraper at 8:32 PM on May 14, 2003

This any better hama7?

Thrice. My poor browser is whimpering at my heels as we speak. I will not click it in a box, I will not click it with a fox.

But this little hot tamale came to me in a Google-eyed surreality.

Miguel is 370 years old.

Thank you! I'd say he barely looks a day over 14. Must be all that fresh air, cocktails and delicious chili con carne!
posted by hama7 at 8:39 PM on May 14, 2003

Perhaps someday you'll consider opening a Finishing School of Witty Repartee?

Indeed. I think it goes without saying that, here in MetaFilter, we like repartee.
posted by Galvatron at 8:42 PM on May 14, 2003

Hama7: a hot little tamale, indeed! But if you want the whole enchilada, nothing I've ever seen beats this little document for sheer vindictiveness, ire and downright obsessive hatred. Even your wildest detractor could learn a trick or two from this master of vituperation. [Probably NSFW, via Bifurcated Rivets.]
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:48 PM on May 14, 2003

downright obsessive hatred

Wow, I think we have a winner! Even as I laughed through the cramps and tears, what made it more hilarious was that some actually devoted an awful lot of time to that sizzling zinger!

Many thanks.
posted by hama7 at 9:01 PM on May 14, 2003

posted by WolfDaddy at 9:14 PM on May 14, 2003

Go to bed, all of you. Lights out. Right now. I mean it.
posted by PrinceValium at 9:19 PM on May 14, 2003

I expect still the I gave in which be able customize the price... of another way I followed austere
posted by Pretty_Generic at 9:21 PM on May 14, 2003

Miguel Cardoso "studied medicine together with his brother Fernando Isaac, and while the latter was given to his studies, Michael spent his time in singing serenades under ladies' balconies."

eerie... just eerie.
posted by taz at 9:39 PM on May 14, 2003

Oh taz! It was time well spent, as you well know - those moonfired nights; the intoxicating scent of jasmim and wind-whipped bed linen in the air; the Morrissey prototype songs, ruined by my battered old mandolin...the gnats...

The article, of course, omits that, thanks to lack of pantyhose in those days - and given my privileged position on the street below those heady balconies - I later became a much loved gynecologist to the stars. :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:02 PM on May 14, 2003

There is no cabalist.
posted by eddydamascene at 12:15 AM on May 15, 2003

I feel like I'm watching the very last scene of the Usual Suspects (spoiler warning ... don't ready any more if you've not seen the film).

Migs is Kaiser Soze. He's been playing us the whole time?! He's really not Portuguese, not named Miguel, not Jewish, not a writer, not a lover of chile. Notice his continual and contrived redirection in this very thread!

"And poof, he was gone."
posted by zpousman at 6:49 AM on May 15, 2003

I want to believe.
posted by whatnot at 7:26 AM on May 15, 2003

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posted by tss at 8:07 AM on May 15, 2003

MiguelCardoso is like a normal shoe, but it does the washing up.
posted by Johnny Assay at 8:15 AM on May 15, 2003

*goes on shooting spree, using left hand to phone lawyers*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:32 AM on May 15, 2003 [1 favorite]


Clav: "hello....slow down miguel, your doing what?...no miguel, i cannot instruct in how to reload the blunderbuss...is anyone wounded...not yet, ok....no, i understand the rage but driving through Lisbon in a T-80 is not a good idea....well, i know you don't have any tank shells but this is not the point, the tracks could damage the cobblestone....now hold on, i will send somebody over with some Port....(weapons discharge is heard)...please miguel, do not try and load the blunderbuss with Dexedrine, it will not add any velocity to the shot....now hold on a minute, pretty was perhaps a bit outta line but i think calling MOSSAD is a little overboard....yes matt would understand....no, i now it does not matter, the point is not to reload the blunderbuss....hello?....Operator, davenport 775...."
posted by clavdivs at 9:45 AM on May 15, 2003 [1 favorite]

Damn, Miguel, if I weren't married I'd have you fix me up with your cousin.
posted by languagehat at 1:21 PM on May 15, 2003

Old news.
posted by y2karl at 10:42 PM on May 15, 2003

Later Cardoso, no longer satisfied with being only a prophet, gave himself out as "Messiah ben Ephraim," asserting that the Messiah is he who teaches the true conception of God.

There you have it, folks. Miguel, stop firing and assume your messianic mantle.
posted by jokeefe at 3:52 PM on May 16, 2003

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