I did not stumble; I came with purpose!

June 14, 2004 12:19 PM

You've stumbled upon a non-existent post, or one that was deleted for various reasons.
posted by Opus Dark to Feature Requests at 12:19 PM (30 comments total)

You've stumbled upon a non-existent post, or one that was deleted for various reasons.

What? I beg your fucking pardon - I most assuredly did not stumble upon anything. With purpose and foresight I was seeking a specific post - one which now seems to be missing. How dare you characterize my effort as a "stumble"? You supercilious bastard. "Stumbled" my hot plump ass! You stinkin' clot of pus! "Stumbled"?!! You prick! I got a coupla friggin degrees you shit hump! Goddammit I don't have to take this crap from a dipwad jackass punk administrator! How 'bout you come over to my house and we'll do a little "stumbling", big man? You up for it, asshole?

There are other things wrong with the announcement, of course, not the least of which is its uncomfortable insistence that it is possible to stumble upon something which doesn't exist.

As a less incitive, less ambiguous alternative I suggest:

It isn't here. Maybe it was deleted. Maybe it never existed. In any case, it isn't here - unless this is it.
posted by Opus Dark at 12:20 PM on June 14, 2004

how is that less ambiguous?
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:33 PM on June 14, 2004

Opus. Pal. Start again, take a deep breath, and speak slowly.

What were you looking for, and what cheesed you off so much about it not being there?
posted by chicobangs at 12:42 PM on June 14, 2004

I have leftover meds if you are out.
posted by konolia at 12:54 PM on June 14, 2004

I staunchly support Opus Dark and agree wholeheartedly with what he has said and what he might say in the future.
posted by Hildago at 1:02 PM on June 14, 2004

mathowie: guardian of history
posted by quonsar at 1:05 PM on June 14, 2004

If you put all the insults into one long breath, it's poetry:
you supercilious bastardstinkin' clotofpusprick shithumpdipwad jackasspunk administratorbigmanasshole.

From now on, all Metafilter insults must be at least as good as that one.
posted by humuhumu at 1:06 PM on June 14, 2004

That was so over the top it's impossible to take it seriously... but Mathowie, I envy you your even temperament.
posted by orange swan at 1:10 PM on June 14, 2004

doo Doo DOO!

Code thirtyseven dash five.

I'm sorry, but the webpage you are visiting does not exist. If you believe this to be an error, please remind the linker to repair their mistake.

Thanks.

doo Doo DOO! ....
posted by shepd at 1:11 PM on June 14, 2004

Better hide the dispose-of-dead-bodies thread from Opus...
posted by five fresh fish at 1:16 PM on June 14, 2004

. . . but the webpage you are visiting does not exist.

Wow, you must be visiting one of those new VIRTUAL webpages.
posted by DBAPaul at 1:27 PM on June 14, 2004

Lesson learned: comedy is hard.
posted by ook at 1:27 PM on June 14, 2004

"mathowie: guardian of history"—quonsar

Ooh, does this mean that Matt can send us back into the past and we can possibly inadvertently change history to the worse by saving the life of a lovely and deeply charming peacenik? 'Cause that's a hella fringe benefit of MeFi membership.

On Preview: humuhumu, since you mention quality insults, this is a good opportunity to (semi-randomly) quote the esteemed and legendary Harry Teasley, God of the Flame for an example of the highest quality insult, made with Corinthian leather and hand-crafted with that special touch:

"...you two-faced arrogant trashy rabid venal asinine untrustworthy talking-with-your-mouth-full-of-your-own-feet foo-foo-twisting unrepentant disrespectful scrofulous barbaric brane-ded malnourished-intellect children's-song-mangling vituperative weak-willed outlandish cockamamie nakedly-evil abuse-deserving rabbit-espousing lyric-wrecking foul-mouthed corporate-suck-up the-zenith-of-your-cultural-knowledge-doesn't-reach-the-nadir-of-my-aesthetic-weltanshauung clue-lacking morose vapid staggeringly-vile insidious beavis-brained Shirky-quoting vicious malefactor probable-Manilow-listening-and-bad-coffee-drinking muck-sucking so-twisted-you-can-hide-at-will-behind-a-spiral-staircase crayola-mind English-Lit-grad-student poopy-headed Brooklyn-accent-talking gutless poetry-blind righteousness-scorning Dark-Side-of-the-Force-tempting coercive child-corrupting bad-influence lie-peddling amoral old-hatwearing scandalous bilious disgusting foul cheap-shot-taking illogical lobotomized tragic wheedling cowardly prevaricating post-modernist."—Harry Teasley, 1997, a.f.u

posted by Ethereal Bligh at 1:32 PM on June 14, 2004

"...you two-faced arrogant trashy rabid venal asinine untrustworthy talking-with-your-mouth-full-of-your-own-feet foo-foo-twisting . . . "

Excellent!
*Reminds self to read EB's long-ass comments more often*
;-)
posted by Shane at 1:48 PM on June 14, 2004

"foo-foo twisting" is a bit over the top, I think.
posted by taz at 2:03 PM on June 14, 2004

Ooh, does this mean that Matt can send us back into the past and we can possibly inadvertently change history to the worse by saving the life of a lovely and deeply charming peacenik?

Bligh, I never pegged you as that big a fan of Princess Di.

Just goes to show you, you shouldn't pigeonhole anyone, even in your mind.
posted by chicobangs at 2:07 PM on June 14, 2004

The site where you can view deleted Meta-Filter threads(the name escapes me) can you search for a deleted post by words/subject?
posted by thomcatspike at 3:19 PM on June 14, 2004

But I think the post in question was to MeTa, not MeFi. Matt doesn't delete MeFi threads that way, I don't think. But, related to a deleted MeFi thread earlier today, I think there's a deleted MeTa thread (linked to in the deleted thread, that's how I know).
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:22 PM on June 14, 2004

How about "I felt like deleting this post, with no regard for its author, those who had already commented in the thread, or the issue that it attempted to raise. Thus, these issues will crop up again and again, eternally unresolved. Cuz I feel like it."

There's a lot to be said for simple, direct truth...
posted by rushmc at 4:00 PM on June 14, 2004

There's a lot to be said for simple, direct truth...

rushmc, you're being a tactless ass just because you can.

Hey, you're right!
posted by BlueTrain at 4:21 PM on June 14, 2004

I sometimes get the feeling that rushmc was one of those kids in middle school who'd leap to his feet unasked to offer a correction anytime the teacher made a trivial mistake on the blackboard, endearing himself to neither teacher nor other students.

But hey, I could be mistaken, and we all have our hobbyhorses.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:35 PM on June 14, 2004

BLA-OOOOga....Is there is no way to transfer the archives to another platform other then kold fushasion
posted by clavdivs at 4:39 PM on June 14, 2004

I sometimes get the feeling stavs is the one, in school, whom was checked for weapons but none were ever found.
posted by clavdivs at 4:41 PM on June 14, 2004

Matt Haughey Pat Healy:  Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion.
Mary:  And what's that?
Matt Haughey Pat Healy:  I work with retards.
Mary:  Isn't that a little politically incorrect?
Matt Haughey Pat Healy:  Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with.

posted by Ethereal Bligh at 4:46 PM on June 14, 2004

I sometimes get the feeling stavs is the one, in school, whom was checked for weapons but none were ever found.

Weapons, no. That's all I'm sayin'.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:13 PM on June 14, 2004

I sometimes get the feeling that rushmc was one of those kids in middle school who'd leap to his feet unasked to offer a correction anytime the teacher made a trivial mistake on the blackboard, endearing himself to neither teacher nor other students.

rush?
posted by jonmc at 5:30 PM on June 14, 2004

If you put all the insults into one long breath, it's poetry:

I thought it was pretty poetic without smushing it.

That was so over the top it's impossible to take it seriously... but Mathowie, I envy you your even temperament.

take it seriously? But it was a joke. It was about stumbling on non-existent things. and I thought it was funny.
posted by mdn at 7:40 PM on June 14, 2004

Sunyata.
.
The unending noise
And the rhythm of wry
Shall embrace each other
And vibrate.
.
Let he whose eyelash bats
A thousand times learn
To reconfigure the sublime
To encompass the ridiculous.
.
Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.
.
Forgive me, but I must go now and wash mdn's lovely feet in soda water, serve loyal Hildago a handsome cup of demagnetised tea, and tickle ook's Barbie-doll nose with a fresh cheetah tailfeather...
.
...while mathowie watches, smiling knowingly out from the closet where he sits atop his beige, box-shaped monolith, impaled.
.
Shantih, shantih, shantih.
posted by Opus Dark at 1:59 AM on June 15, 2004

PAPA SMURF CAN I LICK YOUR ____?
YEAH! LICK MY ___, _____!
LICKA LICKA LICKA MY ____!
posted by quonsar at 11:35 AM on June 15, 2004

[the preceding comment has no meaning in the context of this thread whatsoever.]
posted by quonsar at 11:36 AM on June 15, 2004