he said-she said

February 27, 2006 11:00 AM

I found these two AskMe threads interesting in a "he said-she said" sort of way and thought others might as well. One is about a person wanting to leave her husband, the other is about a husband whose wife just left him.
I'm in no way implying that I think the events are related, but thought they provided an interesting perspective on how people respond in relationship threads.
posted by forforf to MetaFilter-related at 11:00 AM (11 comments total)

With sympathy?
posted by jenovus at 11:03 AM on February 27, 2006

maybe you mean
posted by thirteenkiller at 11:04 AM on February 27, 2006

crap ... yes thirteenkiller that's the right second link. I thought I checked that ... oh well. Hopefully matt or jessamyn can fix one of the links.
posted by forforf at 11:06 AM on February 27, 2006

Yeah, you linked too the same one twice, but I knew what you were talking about. Of course, one is an 8 year relationship, and the other is a 6 year relationship.
posted by delmoi at 11:08 AM on February 27, 2006

It was interesting to me, because it gave insight into how the collective MeFi sees relationships in a more holistic way, and that there were probably things I could learn from that, that I wouldn't have in any of the threads by themselves.
posted by forforf at 11:18 AM on February 27, 2006

[fixed link]
posted by jessamyn at 11:33 AM on February 27, 2006

Of course, one is an 8 year relationship, and the other is a 6 year relationship.

Why... that's 730 days!!!
Thanks!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:38 AM on February 27, 2006

Hey, where the hell did my 'a difference of' go?!?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:40 AM on February 27, 2006

But were they cheating on each with each other? How is this related to the people they weren't cheating on?
posted by blue_beetle at 2:05 PM on February 27, 2006

It was interesting to me, because it gave insight into how the collective MeFi sees relationships in a more holistic way, and that there were probably things I could learn from that, that I wouldn't have in any of the threads by themselves.

Care to elaborate? Any conclusions?

The collective MeFi wisdom seems to be: Take care of yourself first, deal with the relationship later if you still want to then. Give yourself time and space to heal, and don't feel bad for needing to do that.

By the time people post to MeFi, they seem to be wanting someone to tell them it's okay to cut ties, that they'll be okay without this person, that it'll stop hurting someday. So we lend some courage and "me too" stories. We let them know that yes, wow, things have gotten bad, and it natural for them to be feeling sad or scared or want to leave.

Maybe we would offer the same reaction to the person on the other side, but that's okay. Sometimes people just need to hear that things are going to be okay.
posted by heatherann at 6:33 PM on February 27, 2006

Spot on, Heatherann. I've noticed a trend in some of the relationship posts, where, viewed in a certain way, it seems that the poster has already made up their mind and looking for encouragement or validation for a foregone conclusion.

Then again, I tend to be sensitive to these particular issues, so maybe I'm seeing something that isn't there, through the Teambilly filter of experience.
posted by TeamBilly at 8:03 AM on February 28, 2006