What Not to Post to AskMe

June 15, 2006 6:11 AM

Here's a very entertaining and highly instructive thread on What Not To Post To AskMe.
posted by orange swan to MetaFilter-Related at 6:11 AM (64 comments total)

That was pretty awesome, although a few them seemed like reasonable questions.
posted by Ryvar at 6:44 AM on June 15, 2006

Capn's seriously twisted. It's good, though.
In fact, it's all good, right the way to the filthy, bitter dregs.

Thanks orange swan.
posted by NinjaTadpole at 6:52 AM on June 15, 2006

I'm going to have to use some of those in the next Ask Montezuma.
posted by Captaintripps at 7:09 AM on June 15, 2006

Metafilter hasn't made me laugh this hard in months.
posted by CunningLinguist at 7:10 AM on June 15, 2006

there you go again meta "metachat" chat with your internet wackiness.
posted by naxosaxur at 7:14 AM on June 15, 2006

Yes, very droll.
posted by OmieWise at 7:20 AM on June 15, 2006

Oh my, how irresponsible.

By the way, orange swan where is the picture?
posted by caddis at 7:26 AM on June 15, 2006

It's rather alarming me that I find it so incredibly easy and fun to be that offensive.
posted by orange swan at 7:30 AM on June 15, 2006

I think this post is inspired by that thread.
posted by bigmusic at 7:46 AM on June 15, 2006 [1 favorite]

What's really funny is that the pet ones, like this one, actually upset me, even though we're just joking, somehow just the thought of it was distressing. The ones involving people, however, didn't bother me at all.
posted by JanetLand at 7:49 AM on June 15, 2006

That was awesome.
posted by klangklangston at 7:51 AM on June 15, 2006

These are hilarious.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 8:02 AM on June 15, 2006

Prizes for anyone to post these to Yahoo! Answers
posted by blag at 8:21 AM on June 15, 2006

this is amazing, and the askme that bigmusic linked to made me fall out of my chair.

W
T
F
posted by shmegegge at 8:34 AM on June 15, 2006

Matt, here's how to put this amazing resource to productive use. Compare all new AskMe questions submitted to the contents of that thread... If any consecutive eight words match, delete the question, ban the user, notify the NSA (just to make sure they haven't missed it) and administer the user mild electrical shock (the telecom/ISPs may charge you extra for that, but it's worth it).

Carry on.
posted by wendell at 8:47 AM on June 15, 2006

Frankly, I just wish we'd get some answers. My fucking nephew is getting really antsy.
posted by COBRA! at 9:07 AM on June 15, 2006

Was that a dare blag?
posted by Suparnova at 1:11 PM on June 15, 2006

Frankly, I just wish we'd get some answers. My fucking nephew is getting really antsy.

Seriously. What more do you need besides a clown suit and duct tape? What a poindexter.
posted by loquacious at 1:15 PM on June 15, 2006

I've never read Yahoo Answers before. That was almost funnier than the Metachat thread.

Geez, ever heard of separate pet homes (i.e., reptile cage and litter box).
posted by occhiblu at 1:30 PM on June 15, 2006

Yeah, I've been lurking in that thread as it's developed, and it is awesome.
posted by furiousthought at 1:36 PM on June 15, 2006

Seriously, though, I can't tell which is more hilarious: the intentional MeCha jokes or the unintentional Ask Yahoo! posts. I'm seriously considering just poaching all the MeCha questions and posting them one at a time to Ask Yahoo!.
posted by MrZero at 1:44 PM on June 15, 2006

The Yahoo thread actually has some pretty reasonable answers. It also has gems like: kill the python to rescue the kitty; what the heillllll did you feed your kitty to a stupid freaking snake or soemthing????? maybe the snake will eat you while you are asleep one night, that sounds like a good idea. you are a loser, and dont worry, something bad will happen to you eventually for killing a cat
posted by brain_drain at 1:46 PM on June 15, 2006

I was surprised how many people apparently have no clue that snakes kill things before they swallow them.
posted by agropyron at 1:49 PM on June 15, 2006

It's so great how people are just pulling numbers out of the air, though. Two minutes, five minutes, six hours.... it's schoedinger's kitten.
posted by occhiblu at 1:49 PM on June 15, 2006 [1 favorite]

(errr, pretend I put the r in there...)
posted by occhiblu at 1:50 PM on June 15, 2006

Was that a dare blag?

...

maybe try to massage the kitten out but i would go for a vet or stick ur hand in the mouth and pull it out but hurry cus it mite not be able to breath

I love you.
posted by blag at 1:50 PM on June 15, 2006

Is this one of you?

are some of these people dumb?

are there kids asking some of these question? some of these question are so sick that it makes me sick..there is a real god and he loves you all and some of you are so dumb.. do you know that god has feeling's too? how can you be so mean and hateful? please>>>>god loves you and some of you are full of the devil..may god have mercy on you..why would you want to go to hell and burn forever and ever,not me..how many of you been burn? i have and it hurts real bad.just think of that pain forever and ever. you will feel it forever and ever.
Additional Details

50 seconds ago
just think of your skin burning off of you forever and ever and feeling it..and knowing it...you will remember me and whoever else that tried to tell you..
2 answers
posted by agropyron at 1:51 PM on June 15, 2006

More?
posted by Suparnova at 1:54 PM on June 15, 2006

there but for the grace of god...
posted by cortex at 2:39 PM on June 15, 2006

I less than three you, Suparnova. Less than three.
posted by UKnowForKids at 2:39 PM on June 15, 2006

and the super happy smiling avatars really undercut the power of the scoldings. Shame him with your smiling cartoon teeth, PeekABooMagoo!
posted by cortex at 2:43 PM on June 15, 2006

Leave the cat anlone!
posted by cortex at 2:44 PM on June 15, 2006

Suparnova -- classic! The Yahoo! Answers will keep me busy and 'cracking up' for quite sometime.
posted by ericb at 2:46 PM on June 15, 2006

"One of the first tell-tale signs of psychopaths and serial killers is their torturing of small animals when they are young. You need serious help and you need to be put behind bars for even thinking such a thing."

Heehee.
posted by ericb at 2:47 PM on June 15, 2006

I do what I can.
posted by Suparnova at 2:49 PM on June 15, 2006

Leave the cat anlone!
posted by tristeza at 3:10 PM on June 15, 2006

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who contributed to this classic intarweb moment!


          
            
                
                    
                
              
            
          
          

posted by anomie at 3:19 PM on June 15, 2006 [2 favorites]

Yahoo! Answers: Just don't let them tell you spit is as good as lube.
posted by blag at 3:25 PM on June 15, 2006

Suparnova -- It looks like iggy465 over at Yahoo! Answers is onto you. ;)

In the Python/cat thread:

"You know what, this one stinks worse then an outhouse, I think you are baiting all these people who have good intentions. There are too many inconsistencies here, why would you post this question when you should have been taking action, and about the chewing would you have sat there to watch this? and any moron would know if this had happened it would have been adios python. nice try.

Check out this guys Q&A and see for yourself check the times of different questions."

posted by ericb at 3:29 PM on June 15, 2006

Suparnova, you are awesome. And not just because you used one of my questions. ; ) I love some of those answers!
posted by SisterHavana at 3:34 PM on June 15, 2006

I have reached my daily limit of question asking. This calls for community action!
posted by Suparnova at 3:43 PM on June 15, 2006

of course they're all better if you use the askme equivalent to adding "in bed" at the end of a fortune cookie, which is "what songs should i put on my mix for that?"
posted by judith at 3:44 PM on June 15, 2006

Christ, I thought I loved AskMe as much as I could possibly love AskMe. But one visit to Yahoo answers showed me I have not yet begun to appreciate AskMe.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:45 PM on June 15, 2006

No kidding.

oh my god you so totally cant do that to her! GROW UP! she kicked the habit she does not need to start it again...and if u do that u are poisoning her and commitingg a crime....
posted by blag at 3:49 PM on June 15, 2006

Suparnova's list of questions proves that Q&A sites all over the internet have a special sort of anger for mistreatment of cats.
posted by boo_radley at 3:56 PM on June 15, 2006

Yeah, they do get a bit weird when you ask about drowning kittens.
posted by blag at 5:24 PM on June 15, 2006

I need to catch my breath. These are absolutely brilliant. I'm so glad to see that some people on this planet still have a sense of humor.
posted by galimatias at 5:34 PM on June 15, 2006

If you just got sentenced, wouldnt that mean that you would be in prison now. I'm positive they don't allow inmates to get on the internet..

Can't fight that logic.
posted by nomad at 5:41 PM on June 15, 2006

holy damn these yahoo answers are funny, I love how someone who answered the satanism one put sources: bible at the end of their answer.
posted by nomad at 5:46 PM on June 15, 2006

AskMe >>> YAnswers.

I think this thread proves it.
posted by graventy at 6:22 PM on June 15, 2006

AskMe >>> YAnswers.

I think that depends on your criteria.
posted by danb at 8:52 PM on June 15, 2006

Those answers are fucking hilarious! My favourite is in response to the kitten drowning one (actually, it is more the source that I love):

I would imagine that the key is to weigh the vermin and then find some rocks/bricks/old tyres which have a greater mass than the combined critters. It would also help to cover your ears or wear an iPod to drown (ha!) out the mewling sounds.
Source(s):
Day job.

posted by dg at 9:47 PM on June 15, 2006

This is all the things I ever loved about Usenet, brought back to life. Orange swan, agropyron: brilliant. weretable and the undead chairs - like the heyday of alt.tasteless. supernova - pure evil.

YHBT. HTH. HAND.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:52 AM on June 16, 2006

From: Yahoo! Answers < [e-mail]>

You have posted content to Yahoo! Answers in violation of our Community Guidelines. As a result, your content has been deleted.

Reason of Violation: Other.


:(
posted by blag at 2:48 AM on June 16, 2006

All of mine are still up.
posted by Suparnova at 9:08 AM on June 16, 2006

Man, I can't believe the outdoor project one is still around, suparnova. Well done.
posted by boo_radley at 9:37 AM on June 16, 2006

oh, it's too late now, once kitty has tasted human meat, it's all over. The cat will stalk you and hunt you, and eventually will try to eat you, even while you're still alive. Don't go to sleep on the couch! You might wake up with your nose eaten off!


New questions
posted by Suparnova at 9:37 AM on June 16, 2006

I can't even read AskMe now. I'mma gonna go wash my eyes out with bleach and try again.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:39 AM on June 16, 2006

It is sad just how much I am enjoying reading and answering stupid posts at Yahoo! while eating my fine fine lunch of burritos and nachos.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 10:57 AM on June 16, 2006

Anyone see today's Dear Abby about whether it was OK to punch a transexual? I thought of this thread.
posted by klangklangston at 11:57 AM on June 16, 2006

I got tired of waiting for tomorrow.
posted by Suparnova at 12:16 PM on June 16, 2006

I reported you! you dirty pervert! i hope Jesus gets you!

Thanks for cracking me up, Suparnova.
posted by brain_drain at 12:45 PM on June 16, 2006

You posted my smoking one! Awesome!

And wow, it went over big.
This is my favorite answer, for the irony:

I wish I thought you were kidding......Grow Up!
posted by CunningLinguist at 2:58 PM on June 16, 2006

u r such a perv!!! god hope someone will catch u!! maybe i will u perv!!!!!!!!!!! I hope Jesus get u too. amen!!!!
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:02 PM on June 16, 2006