What is the correct form of address here at MetaFilter? Real names or screen names?

November 6, 2001 7:13 PM

What is the correct form of address here at MetaFilter? Or isn't there one? Real names seem to be used more and more. In this thread holgate and ljromanoff address each other as Lance and Nick. Can we use a real name when we know it - by exchanging emails with someone, for instance? Isn't it confusing for everyone else? Does it make others feel left out? (Examples inside.)


posted by MiguelCardoso to etiquette/policy at 7:13 PM (59 comments total)

I've done it too - Oliver for owillis, Chris for stavrosthewonderchicken, Matt for mattpfeff, etc - but, when others do it, it's confusing and distracting and I can't be bothered to check the user profiles or re-read the thread to find out who's being talked about.
Real names might also tend to foster the inner cabal paranoia. People are very touchy about their names. So what's the standard?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:19 PM on November 6, 2001

I insist that everyone call me by my handle.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 7:33 PM on November 6, 2001

I have conflicting opinions. I don't understand why people are so scared of their names (maybe some weird Freudian thing going on there), on the other hand when people call each other by there real names and it's not obvious like the vernable Miguel then it gets annoying. It's almost like they're having a private conversation... or a conversation on a different level. One might say it is almost snobbish ("Oh you mean *you* don't call him by John").
posted by geoff. at 7:45 PM on November 6, 2001

it's a shame i couldn't just get "eric" for my username... bah, i'd probably have to fight costas over it anyways.
posted by lotsofno at 7:48 PM on November 6, 2001

i prefer to be called "great lover."
posted by moz at 7:49 PM on November 6, 2001

i prefer it when people address each other by their names. i like it when i'm addressed as rebekah. i prefer to talk to a person than a silly nickname.
posted by palegirl at 7:53 PM on November 6, 2001

It seems like it should be an internet convention to address someone with the name they provide to you.

In the thread in question I could feel condecension in the usage, but maybe I was just reading into it, if they know each other personally probably not, but somehow I think not. Could I call Steven Den Beste "SDB", that would be respectful, but just shorthand. Versus, say, "stevie". When I refered to ljromanoff as ljr it was just based on laziness.


posted by chrismc at 7:57 PM on November 6, 2001

I don't care what people call each other, as long as I can tell who the heck they're talking about. (when I use someone's username, or a derivitive thereof, it's because there have been several comments inbetween, or several similar comments, and I want others to know what I'm responding to.)

unless, of course, they don't want anyone to know, and that's just weird.

normally, I don't like nicknames. I've never had any, with a few exceptions for very old or very special friends. but I'm finding that I like having a username here, instead of my name. I don't know why, exactly.

(y'know, I may put that last comment in my bio, just because.)
posted by epersonae at 7:59 PM on November 6, 2001

As my pappy used to say:

Call me whatever you want, just don't call me late for dinner.

Nah, I'm just messing around. I only answer to "Priscilla".
posted by Optamystic at 8:08 PM on November 6, 2001

Deliberate avoidance or lazy misspelling of someone's chosen username can often be a subtle form of insult or oneupmanship. In an earlier MeTa thread I corrected another on the use of my nick because he called me Wufgar. Every respondant after thought I was objecting to the lack of the exclamation point. No, I was reacting to the misspelling. It's rude and disrespectful to a peer (combatant or not), and I try very hard not to do it. For the same reason, I try to address others by their stated username, (that doesn't mean I don't fail, but I at least try). To do otherwise is an assertion of my "power" over their reality. Lets face it, on the Internet, that assertion is just so much vapor and crap.
posted by Wulfgar! at 8:19 PM on November 6, 2001

In retrospect, the J and the E ought to have been capitalized. And the 's' ought to have been spelled 's, King of the Nicknames.' Oh well.
posted by j.edwards at 8:27 PM on November 6, 2001

Get over yourself Mig.

Reply to the debate and that should be enough.

"Gosh, I can't talk about myself enough. I need to be embedded into every comment so I can use the search function to find me."

Please, give us all a break and just stop. You are so annoying.
posted by tp3wen at 8:29 PM on November 6, 2001

the example miguelcardoso picked is interesting, too -- I got the feeling that holgate and ljr were kindah putting each other down (mildly) by being overly familiar, though I also wondered if maybe they knew each other personally.

I feel most comfortable using a person's full username, and abbreviating it when it's clear who is being referred to and it gets cumbersome to type out thewonderchicken.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:32 PM on November 6, 2001

Please, give us all a break and just stop. You are so annoying.

Hey, Mister Troll - go away!
posted by Marquis at 9:00 PM on November 6, 2001

Leave my Miguel alone!
posted by ColdChef at 9:27 PM on November 6, 2001

YOUR Miguel?!?! I thought he was MY Miguel!!

runs into bedroom, collapses onto bed in a sobbing heap

posted by Optamystic at 9:35 PM on November 6, 2001

Has he ever confessed his love for you? I didn't think so.
posted by ColdChef at 10:09 PM on November 6, 2001

in retrospect, people should call me "handily reflective."
i don't know why, but it makes sense at 12:18am.
posted by moz at 10:19 PM on November 6, 2001

ColdChef, you cite that post more and more often as the days go by. Colder weather getting to you?
posted by j.edwards at 10:30 PM on November 6, 2001

Real names!

But what about the stavrosthewonderchickens?
posted by y2karl at 11:27 PM on November 6, 2001

Hey, Mister Troll - go away!

That wasn't a troll, Marquis, just an opinion you don't agree with. They're not the same thing, sorry.
posted by lia at 11:32 PM on November 6, 2001

I sort of thought that the "Lance and Nick" thing was some kind of winking parody. I can't recall seeing either of them go after another person with such vigor (caveat: I didn`t do a search).

My question is, should you meet someone in real life, what would would you call them? Especially since you probably only know this person as what they post under their username at Mefi. For example, would you call owillis "owillis" or "Oliver?"
posted by chiheisen at 11:40 PM on November 6, 2001

Just popping my head in because you folks are saying my name.

The most annoying was when people addressed me as owliss. It's not that hard to spell.
posted by owillis at 11:48 PM on November 6, 2001

i was telling tamim this, but if you meet me in real life, you have to use my real name, pete. or peter. first of all, if morrissey were actually in earshot of us, things would be very awkward. second of all, it's just weird to call people by their nicknames. "hey furrykoala134, it's nice to meet you. i'm thecutest."
posted by moz at 11:50 PM on November 6, 2001

I think that if someone doesn't want to be refered to by their proper name, they wouldn't put it in their profile.


posted by Doug at 12:17 AM on November 7, 2001

That wasn't a troll, Marquis, just an opinion you don't agree with. They're not the same thing, sorry.

Sorry, lia, I saw it as an ad hominem attack completely outside of the matter at hand, intended to elicit a reaction from at least one individual (Miguel), and contributing nothing to the discussion. tp3wen was being a jerk.

But thanks for the condescending instruction!
posted by Marquis at 1:15 AM on November 7, 2001

My question is, should you meet someone in real life, what would would you call them? Especially since you probably only know this person as what they post under their username at Mefi.

A MeFite I didn't know at all recognised me in a bar this weekend when he overheard me giving another guy my email address and he called me palegirl and bought me drinks all night.

I'm just saying.
posted by palegirl at 1:43 AM on November 7, 2001

/me buys rebekah a drink
posted by Optamystic at 4:17 AM on November 7, 2001

ColdChef, you cite that post more and more often as the days go by. Colder weather getting to you?

(I'm so lonely.)
posted by ColdChef at 4:54 AM on November 7, 2001

You can call me iceberg. The 273 only needs to be used in formal settings.
posted by iceberg273 at 7:01 AM on November 7, 2001

I stopped using cutesy username handles a long time ago in favor of some form of my real name wherever possible. Back when the Internet was all shiny and new and we were all 15 years old, it was cool to be someone you were not. In the words of the immortal Popeye, "I yam what I yam".

However, I respect the right of people to want to be known by whatever name they present to others, unless or until they invite me to do otherwise. It's like addressing people as Mr./Mrs./Ms. until they say "call me Priscilla".
posted by briank at 7:04 AM on November 7, 2001

I got the feeling that holgate and ljr were kindah putting each other down (mildly) by being overly familiar, though I also wondered if maybe they knew each other personally.

Your assessment is correct, at least on my part, re: the first names. I can only assume holgate was doing it right back.

As for us knowing each other personally, we have never met. As much as we debate here, I'm sure we'd get along famously, though. If nothing else, we could talk about classic video games.

And I would call him Mr. Sweeney until he asked me to address him as something else. It's the polite thing to do.

posted by ljromanoff at 7:11 AM on November 7, 2001

Call me Ismael.
posted by ljromanoff at 7:16 AM on November 7, 2001

(briefly, because real life is intervening on me rather heavily at the moment, I value highly the distance between the pseudonym and the ostensible typist, and really don't like it when that distance is breached. This comes from spending many years at LambdaMOO, where the integrity of the character name was the first principle of behaviour. My opinion hasn't changed: I consider its breach a discourtesy, particularly because it turns personal names into weapons. And yes, when provoked, I use them myself as weapons. Of course, it makes things slightly more difficult when the gap is less obvious, but there you go. And no, I don't consider that thread a parody, and more's the pity. And the name here is holgate. Nothing more, nothing less.)
posted by holgate at 7:22 AM on November 7, 2001

Is the converse of this to say that using a handle indicates a refusal to buy into the collegiality of the group? Although I feel like I don't have much to hide from you all (a quick look through my posts yields plenty of personal details about me and my life, and a skilled sniffer could probably suss out my identity based on available info if they put their mind to it), I am reluctant for reasons I can't really explain to just put my real name out.

Is that crazy?? :)
posted by UncleFes at 7:34 AM on November 7, 2001

his name is norman....or hes jackie coogan
posted by clavdivs at 7:45 AM on November 7, 2001

Sticking to using handles is important for continuity of discussion. Few people know that I'm Silus, and if someone were to use that name in a thread it would throw everyone for a loop. Moreover, some people use handles to protect their ever-eroding privacy... and your use of their real name may be an uninvited disclosure.

Handles also ensure that each person is individually referenceable. I mean, how many "Matt"s does we have? Too many to just drop a "Matt said" or "Hey Matt" out there.

Anyway, this question was great. Thanks miguelcardoso!
posted by silusGROK at 8:23 AM on November 7, 2001

Handles are a funny thing. When I first got online (read: 1987, 1200bps modem) everyone used handles as a source of anonymity; the first six months on BBSes I stuck a Q in front of "werty" to help shield my identity, as Werty is a real-life nickname of mine, and the computer was, for me, a source of escapism.

Today, however, people are not as private when it comes to sharing their identities online -- not in divulging information, per se, but in regards to revealing full names, careers, and so on. Here on Metafilter many of us are Internet professionals in some regard, and this is our community, one in which getting to know one another is a source of community and networking, and not just an escape.

To that end, I'd expect people to get to know each other. But whether they use their real names should be up to the addressee. For some folks (miguel cardoso, steven den beste, anil dash) their handles _are_ their names, which makes it easy; for others (me, mathowie) handles are nicknames or plays on their real identities, which makes it easy to straddle the line inoffensively.

But privacy is to be respected, and much the same way I don't expect anyone here to call me David, I would refer to Holgate only as Holgate unless he advised otherwise.

In short, we are who we say we are, external information notwithstanding, and we should respect the visible wishes of our peers.
posted by werty at 8:27 AM on November 7, 2001

Is "newcooganintown" taken?
posted by UncleFes at 8:44 AM on November 7, 2001

Funny, I find it weird when people actually refer to me by my handle, because it makes me wish I'd capitalised it.

Surely the use of 'Matt' should be an honourable exception to any handle-requiring rule? If any of us say 'hey Matt' in MeTa it's pretty obvious who we're talking to. Even if it does confuse some newer members at first, it helps alert them to the person who actually makes all this possible.
posted by rory at 8:49 AM on November 7, 2001

Seeing someone use an actual name in MeFi has always weirded me out. To find out who they were talking to, you either had to check everyone's profile or already know that person's real name.

As someone who has went through life with an extremely common first name, having to turn and look whenever someone said it for the stray chance that they me be talking to me, I prefer the uniqueness of my username. Sadly, there is no great explanation for mine though.
posted by drezdn at 9:35 AM on November 7, 2001

Tell me about it, drezdn. Bad enough being named Chris...not only is it an incredibly common guy's name, it's a girl's name too! Oh the humanity!

Guess I'll have to go back to "your mediocreness".
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:41 AM on November 7, 2001

Priscilla: My pappy used to say "Call me anything as long as you don't call me late for dinner," too. Are you my long-lost sister?

So far, I haven't seen any other "Janet"s here on MeFi. I'm a long-time sf fan and we all first-name each other there, so feel free to call me "Janet" any time in any conversation...as long as you remember I am the one and only REAL Janet Kagan on line. ;)

stavros will *always* be "thewonderchicken" to me. [blows kiss]

P.S. On a more serious note, this is a very interesting thread. Go on, I'm listening.
posted by realjanetkagan at 11:20 AM on November 7, 2001

Well, you can call me Ray.

Or you can call me Jay.

*suppressing urge to start singing "Are there or aren't there Artesians"*

doh!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:32 AM on November 7, 2001

OK, Scoobie Gang, everyone pile on UncleFes! I hear tell he went to high school in Kansas; we can start there. (I bet "he's" actually Kaycee Nicole.)
posted by Steven Den Beste at 11:40 AM on November 7, 2001

K., if you want to call me, you can call me... Damnit! Just a minute, Chevy Chase left...
posted by j.edwards at 11:46 AM on November 7, 2001

Or you can call me Jay.

Hmm. (What's 2+2 again?) Kafkaesque and fooljay have both addressed me as "mattpreff" in past posts; til now I figured it was eery coincidence (and both times a typo), but now a broader, more sinister pattern is emerging....
posted by mattpfeff at 11:47 AM on November 7, 2001

I just don't want to have to think of these every time I address you.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:55 AM on November 7, 2001

doh! bad link! bad link!
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:56 AM on November 7, 2001

I bet "he's" actually Kaycee Nicole.

Nope! I'm an 7-foot Eskimo transexual from Fort Yukon named "Pookie." Put them glasses back on and try again, Daphne.

posted by UncleFes at 1:30 PM on November 7, 2001

realjanetkagen: Priscilla: My pappy used to say "Call me anything as long as you don't call me late for dinner," too. Are you my long-lost sister?

I don't think Optamystic is equipped for the job. Him's a he.

Oh, and for the record: enough people in meatspace call me pudders that it's practically a seamless transition from real life to online and back.
posted by pudders at 3:19 PM on November 7, 2001

Kafkaesque and fooljay have both addressed me as "mattpreff" in past posts; til now I figured it was eery coincidence (and both times a typo), but now a broader, more sinister pattern is emerging....

HA! Simple mistake. I just NOW saw what your actual username is... Visual laziness, no broader conspiracy...

My question is, should you meet someone in real life, what would would you call them?

Some people call me 'fooljay' when they greet me, but I suppose that's because I've used that nick for a long long time. It's a funny wink/nod sort of thing, but it doesn't bother me. In fact, I have a little dogtag around my wrist that says "Fool" (thanks to Heather's Word Oracle thing at Burningman/FrayDay). Try explaining that to a non-webbie!

As far as using names, I typically do it with those people I know and/or people who's names are fairly obvious from their nicks. There have been sometimes where I probably shouldn't have (like with Derek/Fraying) but oh well...
posted by fooljay at 3:35 PM on November 7, 2001

I think they bought it, fooljay.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:18 PM on November 7, 2001

I thought Lance and Nick were Backstreet Boys...

Are holgate and ljromanoff boy bandmates???

*stifled hopeful scream*
posted by dness2 at 5:12 PM on November 7, 2001

Nope! I'm an 7-foot Eskimo transexual from Fort Yukon named "Pookie."

Holy crap, me too!

::runs in slow motion towards Fes, arms wide::
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:01 PM on November 7, 2001

Kafkaesque, proceed with Operation Pfeffenpreffer STOP
0700 hours. STOP
Designated drop place. STOP END
posted by fooljay at 12:18 AM on November 8, 2001

heh heh. message intercepted ... still 0655 hours ... 5 minutes to evade ... you West Coast slackers will never catch me ....
posted by mattpfeff at 6:55 AM on November 8, 2001

We didn't say what day...
posted by fooljay at 11:13 AM on November 8, 2001

The "reality" of personal nomenclature is naught but an illusion encouraged by society to push their agenda of static identity and distract from the more plausible hypothesis of fluid being. Therefore, I find the very concept of "real names" offensive. My name is what I say it is, and I reserve the right to maintain as many as I like, consecutively or concurrently. The tyranny of patrilinear tagging must end!
posted by rushmc at 11:05 AM on November 9, 2001