Possibly the grossest AskMe ever.

January 10, 2007 2:06 AM

Just in case you missed it: Possibly the grossest AskMe ever.
posted by loquacious to MetaFilter-Related at 2:06 AM (59 comments total)

Couldn't not not share the pain, double negatives be damned.
posted by loquacious at 2:06 AM on January 10, 2007

Oh, thank you. I would have missed this if you hadn't pointed it out.


Bastard! *vomits into filthy toilet* Toenail clipping crisps- smegma 'n' dandruff pierogis with a frothy Cool Whip topping-- Scab-Batticals, the Lunchables for divinity students.... I hate you, Milkman Loquacious.
posted by maryh at 2:58 AM on January 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

One man's gross is another man's whatever.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:12 AM on January 10, 2007

Couldn't not not share the pain, double negatives be damned.

Having athlete's foot is a negative. Eating it is a double negative.
posted by chrismear at 3:16 AM on January 10, 2007

Christ, this is not helping my hungover stomach.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:23 AM on January 10, 2007

Couldn't not not share the pain, double negatives be damned.

But what of the triple-distilled variety? Those are hard to parse without a lime.
posted by The God Complex at 3:26 AM on January 10, 2007

Whatever — the grossest thing is people who bite their nails.

(guilty!)
posted by Brittanie at 3:33 AM on January 10, 2007

Wow. The word "grossest" looks really weird in print...
posted by Brittanie at 3:34 AM on January 10, 2007

I didn't really think this was all that gross, but then I guess that just makes me gross.
posted by antifuse at 3:38 AM on January 10, 2007

I think you just achieved the verbal equalivalent of tubgirling/lemonpartying/goatsecxing us all.

My vomit filled hat is off to you, loquacious.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:46 AM on January 10, 2007

Why? Is he outing himself as the anonymous Asker? I just don't understand you young people any more.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:02 AM on January 10, 2007

Nah. The guy whose girlfriend wanted him to take a dump on her, mainly the ensuing vivid discussion of textures and content and positions, was worse.
posted by poxuppit at 4:17 AM on January 10, 2007

Think I'll go for a beer.
posted by flabdablet at 4:29 AM on January 10, 2007

Nah. The guy whose girlfriend wanted him to take a dump on her, mainly the ensuing vivid discussion of textures and content and positions, was worse.
posted by poxuppit at 12:17 PM GMT on January 10

seconded
posted by slimepuppy at 4:40 AM on January 10, 2007

Umm, slimepuppy and poxuppit, links please?
posted by Brittanie at 4:53 AM on January 10, 2007

Meh. I've seen grosser.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:55 AM on January 10, 2007

Yuck. I saw this on AskMe yesterday and didn't open it because I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. Now I've opened it and, since I can read a lot of text at a glance, have almost read it. THANKS A LOT, LOQUACIOUS.
posted by orange swan at 5:07 AM on January 10, 2007

links please?

BLAST HER.
posted by The Straightener at 5:10 AM on January 10, 2007

I haven't even clicked it yet and I'm laughing.

But anyway, I'll be the judge of what's gross around here.
posted by Brittanie at 5:12 AM on January 10, 2007

Straightener, thanks for reminding me of that classy comment. Now I'm pissing myself at work where everyone is supposed to be serious and stressed out.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:17 AM on January 10, 2007

What slimepuppy said.

Otherwise, I dunno. It isn't my cup of tea, but neither posts in question have me writhing in horror.
posted by Brittanie at 5:18 AM on January 10, 2007

The one that did, though, was the guy asking about the small pin-sized hole in his head, by his ear — the one he stuck an unfolded paper clip into.
posted by Brittanie at 5:19 AM on January 10, 2007

....and there was white gunk in there, right? Bleah. To think I'd just managed to forget that one. Thanks Brittanie.
posted by poxuppit at 5:41 AM on January 10, 2007

There's probably an Secreto-phagia fetish community on the internet waiting for him. Although, if they had a meetup, I'd be really scared of the buffet.
posted by jonmc at 6:03 AM on January 10, 2007

Where is that paperclip one? I remember laughing at someone suggesting it was the reset button.
posted by matthewr at 6:13 AM on January 10, 2007

I bite my nails and all, but I can't even read that!
posted by dame at 6:15 AM on January 10, 2007

Y HALLO THAR NIGHTMARE FUEL
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:24 AM on January 10, 2007

I was going to say not even close but that was a front page post not AskMe Question.
posted by Mitheral at 6:35 AM on January 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ugh, Mitheral, why?

In that thread, someone says "i'm going to go look at pictures of bunnies now", and links to Google Image Search for bunnies. Amusingly, on first page of results, there's a cartoon of a worm busting Alien-style out of someone's chest. What do you do when even Google wants to make you vomit?
posted by matthewr at 6:51 AM on January 10, 2007

"Where is that paperclip one? I remember laughing at someone suggesting it was the reset button."

I have a hole in my head.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:19 AM on January 10, 2007

Reminds me of the Steven King story, Survivor Type, possibly the most horrifying thing I've ever read.

Until that thread, of course.
posted by bondcliff at 8:00 AM on January 10, 2007

This is the only post that ever made me almost throw up. Though the worms from the butt picture was close.
posted by bDiddy at 8:01 AM on January 10, 2007

Whatever.

*Chews toe callus*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:43 AM on January 10, 2007

Dear AskMe, I like to chew on worms that fall out of my anus when pooping on my girlfriend. Is this weird?

Ps. THERE ARE WORMS IN MY HEAD-HOLE.
posted by slimepuppy at 8:59 AM on January 10, 2007 [2 favorites]

I sound like a candy ass here (and I love your contributions, loquacious, I really do), but it seems a bit insensitive to make fun of anonymous question-askers, even if their questions are stupendously gross. But the subjects are usually embarrassing enough as they are--why the extra shaming? These are fellow mefites, after all--if you prick them (or peel off their toe caluses, as the case may be) do they not bleed?

I'm being overly sensitive. OK, you can all line up to give me melvins now.
posted by veronica sawyer at 9:03 AM on January 10, 2007

Great, I'm laughing out loud at work and no one understands why the thought of "Metafilter: There are worms in my head-hole." made me spit tea all over my monitor.
posted by Gucky at 9:30 AM on January 10, 2007

MetaFilter: possibly the most horrifying thing I've ever read.
posted by Duncan at 9:57 AM on January 10, 2007

Worth repeating:

cuticles- fine. delicious and entertaining.
blisters and calluses from hands- acceptable.
nails- grosser, but ok. i do it sometimes.
boogers- gross for adults, understandable for kids, mmm, salty. i won't hold it against that quarterback.
nose hairs- a necessary evil if you allow boogers. not worth looking for, but not problematic.
eye gunk- has no taste, i see no point, but, ok.
earwax- gross, that stuff is bitter.
scab- bordeline grossing me out. too crunchy.
anything off your feet- eeeeew gross gross gross. toe cheese? oh HELL no.
posted by Krrrlson at 9:58 AM on January 10, 2007

Anyone want to put prices on that menu?
posted by Krrrlson at 9:59 AM on January 10, 2007

I seriously hate all of you so very, very much.
posted by Space Kitty at 10:31 AM on January 10, 2007

thanks. here, have a bile martini.
posted by jonmc at 10:40 AM on January 10, 2007

Which since you were all so kind as to distill that AskMe and the other contenders into summaries of the grossest AskMe's ever, makes this - *drum roll* - the grossest MeTa ever!

(Also, what dnab said and thanks a lot you guyz!)
posted by Lynsey at 10:43 AM on January 10, 2007

MetaFilter: Worms in my headhole!

It's my thread and I'll tagline if I want to!
posted by loquacious at 10:48 AM on January 10, 2007

I wish I hadn't read this thread and followed each and every link. But I couldn't not not not follow them.
posted by The God Complex at 11:08 AM on January 10, 2007

These are fellow mefites, after all--if you prick them (or peel off their toe caluses, as the case may be) do they not bleed?

Yeah, and then they fucking drink the blood. JESUS!

/wipes brow effusively
posted by The God Complex at 11:09 AM on January 10, 2007

/wipes brow effusively

hey, somebody might've wanted to drink what you just wiped, buster!
posted by jonmc at 11:16 AM on January 10, 2007

thanks. here, have a bile martini.
posted by jonmc

I think our bilebear is tapped. Someone go get a new one.
posted by ninjew at 11:20 AM on January 10, 2007

slimepuppy, I know I'm tired and giddy and all, but I haven't laughed like that since junior high. damn.
posted by dreamsign at 11:27 AM on January 10, 2007

What if it was a reset button?!

Holy shit, that's awesome.
posted by popechunk at 12:00 PM on January 10, 2007

Holy shit, that's awesome.

Yeah, see, that's why I posted this. I knew someone would try to one-up me, and that they'd probably succeed.
posted by loquacious at 12:20 PM on January 10, 2007

Except now I've just spent almost an hour poking and prodding my head with a paper clip looking for a reset button. I know it's here somewhere. Probably right next to the "turbo" button. Hey!! BRB.
posted by loquacious at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Meh, waste not, want not.
posted by Iron Rat at 1:44 PM on January 10, 2007

So, can you catch athlete's teeth from what this guy's doing?!?

I'm guessing someone with that problem would have really bad breath.
posted by clevershark at 3:19 PM on January 10, 2007

veronica sawyer writes "I sound like a candy ass here..."

Is this really the best way to start that comment, given the context?..
posted by clevershark at 3:20 PM on January 10, 2007

Sounds like a programmer.

Years ago we had a bunch of ASP programmers work out of our small Tokyo office. They guzzled coke and subsisted on Japanese McDonalds for 4 weeks, spent all their time at Electric City and only washed periodically. Nice enough guys. Several days after they'd left, I needed to use one of their workstations. On sitting down I felt around for the height adjustment lever beneath the seat, but instead grabbed 4 weeks worth of nostril excreta like stalagtites, caked about the underside of the chair.

There is something particularly unpleasant about crusty snot - especially when it's not yours. I think this guy is doing everyone a service by eating his.
posted by strawberryviagra at 7:33 PM on January 10, 2007

Suddenly I have a deep respect for jessamyn, knowing that she has to wade through all of this on a daily basis. Ack.
posted by batgrlHG at 11:03 PM on January 10, 2007

Does anyone know of a way to unread stuff?
posted by No Mutant Enemy at 5:04 AM on January 11, 2007

Does anyone know of a way to unread stuff?

That's what the reset button is for.
posted by yeoz at 1:16 PM on January 11, 2007

You watched it, you can't unwatch it!

It's a... Tale! Of! Interest!
posted by 1f2frfbf at 1:30 PM on January 11, 2007 [1 favorite]