The Best of "How to Date & Flirt the Mefite Way" August 15, 2007 9:21 PM Subscribe
There are about five googol plexes (googols plex?)* about dating and flirting on Metafilter. How do I flirt? Does she like me? How can you tell if a girl likes you? This girl is doing behaviors X, Y, and Z. Is she into me? This boy is doing behaviors A, B, and C. Does he like me? What is the most outstanding and/or insightful commentary you've seen a Mefite write about dating? The topic is such a huge morass of wordage (due to it being a common area of questioning and one that everyone likes to chime in on) that it's a bit daunting in its scope, and yet I know there are some incredible gems. What comments did you think were amazingly spot-on? * — please, don't everybody tell me what the plural of googol plex is and not answer the main one ;-)
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's Request -- loup
I think it is.
posted by LarryC at 9:35 PM on August 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by LarryC at 9:35 PM on August 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
The most insightful comment? "DTMFA"
posted by amyms at 9:39 PM on August 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by amyms at 9:39 PM on August 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
He/she needs a brisk rogering.
posted by vacapinta at 9:40 PM on August 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by vacapinta at 9:40 PM on August 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
I finally get it! The "Mike" stands for "Miguel" and WCity is the nickname of a Lisbon suburb.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:45 PM on August 15, 2007 [9 favorites]
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:45 PM on August 15, 2007 [9 favorites]
Wanna get laid? Don't deconstruct the plural of googol plex. On a date.
posted by sourwookie at 9:58 PM on August 15, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by sourwookie at 9:58 PM on August 15, 2007 [4 favorites]
There's probably a good question about MetaFilter and AskMe in here somewhere, but it's gotten lost in the cutesy phrasing, WCityMike, as evidenced by mathowie's association with Cardoso's antics of old. Your only hope now is for a long, long thread to follow, involving a series of ever-less-coherent tangents, which eventually debouches, providing you the wonder and glory of AskMe's essential wisdom as if by chance, after all hope drained from the course of our arguments.
Good luck, sir.
posted by cgc373 at 10:06 PM on August 15, 2007
Good luck, sir.
posted by cgc373 at 10:06 PM on August 15, 2007
I have a single, multi-purpose answer that works for all these dating problems.
She doesn't like me, what can I do about it?
I can't bring myself to ask him out. How can I go about it?
I've been rejected. How can I tell him I hurt?
He cheated on me. What do I do now?
I am a thirty four year old virgin. How do I get laid?
Whatever your problem, the answer is always:
"Two billiard balls in a sock."
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:11 PM on August 15, 2007
She doesn't like me, what can I do about it?
I can't bring myself to ask him out. How can I go about it?
I've been rejected. How can I tell him I hurt?
He cheated on me. What do I do now?
I am a thirty four year old virgin. How do I get laid?
Whatever your problem, the answer is always:
"Two billiard balls in a sock."
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:11 PM on August 15, 2007
yhbc: "This is not what MetaTalk is for."
LarryC: "I think it is."
Maybe, LarryC, yhbc was saying that that was the best dating advice he ever saw. I would agree.
One night while out on the town, treading the boards, I caught the eye of this incredible blonde whose eye would normally have never caught me. I can't say why she asked me to come over to the bar for a drink, but as any guy will tell you, when a lady calls, you answer.
We sat on the bar stools and her foot ran slowly up and down my leg. In the days and weeks after this fateful night, I came to realize it was so she could dull my senses and gain the upper ground in the conversation we were about to have, but at the time all I knew was that this felt fucking amazing.
As she stirred her drink with her index finger, she looked at me with eyes that told me that she was keenly interested in me. My eyes were probably glazed over, my head filled with hormones, as my very first words to her would attest.
"So" I said, trying ever so hard to play the role of 'the man' who had to be calm, smooth and confident. "Do you come here often?"
That look in her eye seemed to fade almost instantly as she stifled a groan, leaned away from me and looked up at the ceiling.
"Stupid, stupid me!" I thought. Clearly she wasn't interested in lame pick up lines. I had to try and salvage the situation, and I had to do it quick.
"I'm sorry" I said. "I just said the first thing that came to mind and it was lame."
"Yeah, it was" said the woman whose name I still did not know. "It was really lame."
"Well look, I've only just met you and I had to say something. I'm sure you didn't want to hear my treatise on the working classes and how they've been subdued by the elite through various means. I had to say something!"
"Actually" she said, her attention turning back to me and away from that point on the roof she had been staring since my lame pick up line, "I would."
I was stunned to say the least. This strange blonde woman who I had only just met wanted to engage me in political debate? It seemed to good to be true.
And so for the next few hours we sat at the bar and debated politics, the economy, the working classes and history. Our minds were on fire, and our passion for one another grew, until she said something that I couldn't believe any sane person would ever say.
"You know" she said, starting down the road to what could have been the end of our dalliance "I think that despite the fact that Bush essentially stole the presidency, I think he'll be an incredible president."
I stared blankly at her. "I'm sorry... what?"
"Bush Junior... you know, the new president of the United States? I think he's a smart man. I think he'll do a great job over the next few years."
"Yeah, I know who he fucking is" I said in reply. "But I don't get how a woman as obviously smart as you are could think that! The man is a putz! He stumbles over his words and he's dragging the economy of his country down with him. He's never done anything right, and he's only gotten where he has because of daddy's connections! The guy is a one hundred percent moron and... and..."
... and clearly I had had enough to drink because what I said next was something no guy should ever say to a sexy, intelligent lady who seemed to want him...
"... and you're an idiot yourself for thinking his presidency will be any better than an administration helmed by the purple teletubbie!"
My sexy stranger was aghast. She grabbed her tiny handbag and got up. "Have a nice life, bastard!" she said as she walked away from me and towards the door.
For the second time that night I had said something stupid and for the second time that night I had had to go into emergency damage control to salvage the situation. I had to think of something to say, quickly, or else this woman would walk out of my life, possibly forever. So I said the very first thing that came to mind.
"This is not what MetaTalk is for!"
She stopped, looked around, and walked back. She slapped me. "You didn't tell me you were a member of Metafilter! What's your user number?" she said, smiling, her attention clearly back upon me.
"I uh... I don't have one yet" I replied. "I lurk there waiting for memberships to open up but Australia just never seems to be in the right timezone for me to get a look in."
"Me too!" she said, her hand now running up and down my arm. "I love lurking there and all, but I would so love to be a member there. And you know, I think if we work together... we might just be able to do that."
She looked down, then back up at me, and smiled a cheeky smile. "I'm Megan, by the way."
Megan and I sat back down and talked some more, and later we went back to her place where we made sweet, passionate love until the dawn broke. Our love affair was strong, and passionate. We would make love and then, post-coitus, check Metafilter to see if Matt had opened up the memberships again. We tried and tried and tried to get a free membership but it never came to pass, but all the sex was fantastic.
It ended a year or so later when the site was opened up to everyone by paying a once off $5 membership fee. She just lost interest; somehow our love couldn't survive once getting a membership at Metafilter was as easy as entering your credit card details. But that was one of the best years of my life and I don't regret it one bit.
So while I rarely participate in the relationship theads at AskMe, I would have to say that some of the best relationship advice I could impart would be to tell your beau or beauty "This is not what Metatalk is for." It worked for me and it could work for someone else too.
posted by Effigy2000 at 10:13 PM on August 15, 2007 [46 favorites]
LarryC: "I think it is."
Maybe, LarryC, yhbc was saying that that was the best dating advice he ever saw. I would agree.
One night while out on the town, treading the boards, I caught the eye of this incredible blonde whose eye would normally have never caught me. I can't say why she asked me to come over to the bar for a drink, but as any guy will tell you, when a lady calls, you answer.
We sat on the bar stools and her foot ran slowly up and down my leg. In the days and weeks after this fateful night, I came to realize it was so she could dull my senses and gain the upper ground in the conversation we were about to have, but at the time all I knew was that this felt fucking amazing.
As she stirred her drink with her index finger, she looked at me with eyes that told me that she was keenly interested in me. My eyes were probably glazed over, my head filled with hormones, as my very first words to her would attest.
"So" I said, trying ever so hard to play the role of 'the man' who had to be calm, smooth and confident. "Do you come here often?"
That look in her eye seemed to fade almost instantly as she stifled a groan, leaned away from me and looked up at the ceiling.
"Stupid, stupid me!" I thought. Clearly she wasn't interested in lame pick up lines. I had to try and salvage the situation, and I had to do it quick.
"I'm sorry" I said. "I just said the first thing that came to mind and it was lame."
"Yeah, it was" said the woman whose name I still did not know. "It was really lame."
"Well look, I've only just met you and I had to say something. I'm sure you didn't want to hear my treatise on the working classes and how they've been subdued by the elite through various means. I had to say something!"
"Actually" she said, her attention turning back to me and away from that point on the roof she had been staring since my lame pick up line, "I would."
I was stunned to say the least. This strange blonde woman who I had only just met wanted to engage me in political debate? It seemed to good to be true.
And so for the next few hours we sat at the bar and debated politics, the economy, the working classes and history. Our minds were on fire, and our passion for one another grew, until she said something that I couldn't believe any sane person would ever say.
"You know" she said, starting down the road to what could have been the end of our dalliance "I think that despite the fact that Bush essentially stole the presidency, I think he'll be an incredible president."
I stared blankly at her. "I'm sorry... what?"
"Bush Junior... you know, the new president of the United States? I think he's a smart man. I think he'll do a great job over the next few years."
"Yeah, I know who he fucking is" I said in reply. "But I don't get how a woman as obviously smart as you are could think that! The man is a putz! He stumbles over his words and he's dragging the economy of his country down with him. He's never done anything right, and he's only gotten where he has because of daddy's connections! The guy is a one hundred percent moron and... and..."
... and clearly I had had enough to drink because what I said next was something no guy should ever say to a sexy, intelligent lady who seemed to want him...
"... and you're an idiot yourself for thinking his presidency will be any better than an administration helmed by the purple teletubbie!"
My sexy stranger was aghast. She grabbed her tiny handbag and got up. "Have a nice life, bastard!" she said as she walked away from me and towards the door.
For the second time that night I had said something stupid and for the second time that night I had had to go into emergency damage control to salvage the situation. I had to think of something to say, quickly, or else this woman would walk out of my life, possibly forever. So I said the very first thing that came to mind.
"This is not what MetaTalk is for!"
She stopped, looked around, and walked back. She slapped me. "You didn't tell me you were a member of Metafilter! What's your user number?" she said, smiling, her attention clearly back upon me.
"I uh... I don't have one yet" I replied. "I lurk there waiting for memberships to open up but Australia just never seems to be in the right timezone for me to get a look in."
"Me too!" she said, her hand now running up and down my arm. "I love lurking there and all, but I would so love to be a member there. And you know, I think if we work together... we might just be able to do that."
She looked down, then back up at me, and smiled a cheeky smile. "I'm Megan, by the way."
Megan and I sat back down and talked some more, and later we went back to her place where we made sweet, passionate love until the dawn broke. Our love affair was strong, and passionate. We would make love and then, post-coitus, check Metafilter to see if Matt had opened up the memberships again. We tried and tried and tried to get a free membership but it never came to pass, but all the sex was fantastic.
It ended a year or so later when the site was opened up to everyone by paying a once off $5 membership fee. She just lost interest; somehow our love couldn't survive once getting a membership at Metafilter was as easy as entering your credit card details. But that was one of the best years of my life and I don't regret it one bit.
So while I rarely participate in the relationship theads at AskMe, I would have to say that some of the best relationship advice I could impart would be to tell your beau or beauty "This is not what Metatalk is for." It worked for me and it could work for someone else too.
posted by Effigy2000 at 10:13 PM on August 15, 2007 [46 favorites]
Are you compiling a nonfiction book? Given the wide range of possible questions about dating, the most "spot-on" comments would make a bewildering pastiche. (before/during/after/ straight/LGBT/questioning/ mildly confused/greatly confused/ content/discontent/ considerate/cute/clingy/intrusive/obsessive/psychopathic/etc.),
posted by Tuwa at 10:16 PM on August 15, 2007
posted by Tuwa at 10:16 PM on August 15, 2007
What is the most outstanding and/or insightful commentary you've seen a Mefite write about dating?
"Be good and you will be lonesome."
What? Mark Twain isn't an honorary MeFite? If that's what it takes, I'll pony up his five bucks...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:17 PM on August 15, 2007 [2 favorites]
"Be good and you will be lonesome."
What? Mark Twain isn't an honorary MeFite? If that's what it takes, I'll pony up his five bucks...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:17 PM on August 15, 2007 [2 favorites]
I finally get it! The "Mike" stands for "Miguel" and WCity is the nickname of a Lisbon suburb.
Exactly what I've been thinking, but Miguel'd at least be more... Miguelesque. (By which I mean urbane and charming and literate and stuff.)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:37 PM on August 15, 2007
Exactly what I've been thinking, but Miguel'd at least be more... Miguelesque. (By which I mean urbane and charming and literate and stuff.)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:37 PM on August 15, 2007
Plices?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:47 PM on August 15, 2007
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:47 PM on August 15, 2007
Oh, right. It's 'plox', you sillies.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:54 PM on August 15, 2007
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:54 PM on August 15, 2007
Plices is nices, cortex, and a plox on your house, stav, but I really have no idea what even one "googol plex" has to do with this topic, since that's the term for a multi-screen movie theater complex (cineplex) with more screens than you can count (googol), half of them currently showing "Rush Hour 3".
Of course, WCityMiguel could be MetaFilter's Own Miguel Cardoso's illegitimate son, and therefore, less mature, less refined. Give him room to grow. (My apologies to Migs if he is insulted by the idea he may have bastard progeny, but come on guy, you're a stud to us MetaGeeks)
posted by wendell at 11:07 PM on August 15, 2007
Of course, WCityMiguel could be MetaFilter's Own Miguel Cardoso's illegitimate son, and therefore, less mature, less refined. Give him room to grow. (My apologies to Migs if he is insulted by the idea he may have bastard progeny, but come on guy, you're a stud to us MetaGeeks)
posted by wendell at 11:07 PM on August 15, 2007
Dating is such a bizarre American institution. Why can't you just get drunk and lunge like a sensible culture?
posted by Abiezer at 11:11 PM on August 15, 2007 [5 favorites]
posted by Abiezer at 11:11 PM on August 15, 2007 [5 favorites]
"get drunk and lunge"... wait a minute, that's NOT dating?
posted by wendell at 11:20 PM on August 15, 2007
posted by wendell at 11:20 PM on August 15, 2007
I first read that as "get drunk and luge" which sounded like a highly sensible culture...
posted by birdsquared at 11:32 PM on August 15, 2007 [3 favorites]
posted by birdsquared at 11:32 PM on August 15, 2007 [3 favorites]
If this is what MetaTalk is for, it's sort of broken. I think you probably would get better answers if you asked people what the best relationship advice they ever got from an AskMe post was, because I don't have any relationshipfilter to my name and don't really chime in often on them either. Surely the real zowies are remembered by the askers who listened to them.
But, to summarize, Relationshipfilter AskMe says
1. Know yourself
2. Love yourself
3. Be honest, brave and confident
4. Learn to forgive and detach
5. Work for what you want
6. Try it, you might like it
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:14 AM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]
But, to summarize, Relationshipfilter AskMe says
1. Know yourself
2. Love yourself
3. Be honest, brave and confident
4. Learn to forgive and detach
5. Work for what you want
6. Try it, you might like it
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:14 AM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]
Hmmph! No love for "DMTFA?" C'mon! Where my girls at? DTMFA, amirite?
posted by amyms at 12:16 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by amyms at 12:16 AM on August 16, 2007
ma'am, will you go out with me?
do you want the long answer or the short answer?
well, what's the short answer?
the short answer is no.
i'm awfully sorry to hear that. just out of historical curiosity, what was the long answer?
oh dear sweet merciful jesus in heaven, no.
posted by bruce at 12:18 AM on August 16, 2007 [10 favorites]
do you want the long answer or the short answer?
well, what's the short answer?
the short answer is no.
i'm awfully sorry to hear that. just out of historical curiosity, what was the long answer?
oh dear sweet merciful jesus in heaven, no.
posted by bruce at 12:18 AM on August 16, 2007 [10 favorites]
*stops while she's behind*
that's what she said.
posted by Poolio at 12:35 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
that's what she said.
posted by Poolio at 12:35 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
You could always, you know, AskMe this.
"Dear Hive Mind. I'm trying to sort through the googol plexes/plices/plox/plexuses of Relationship Filter questions in search for the perfect way to find marry/break up/date successfully/date unsuccessfully/get a quick fuck/pretend I'm human/DTMFA by trawling through years of angsty mindfuckery. What are some of the answers you found that arefavourited by a disgustingly large amount of people touching/empathic/useful/insightful. Hope me!
posted by Phire at 2:41 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
"Dear Hive Mind. I'm trying to sort through the googol plexes/plices/plox/plexuses of Relationship Filter questions in search for the perfect way to find marry/break up/date successfully/date unsuccessfully/get a quick fuck/pretend I'm human/DTMFA by trawling through years of angsty mindfuckery. What are some of the answers you found that are
posted by Phire at 2:41 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
I think it all comes down to this, from biscotti:
First, is he neutered? If not, that's your first step.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:52 AM on August 16, 2007
First, is he neutered? If not, that's your first step.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:52 AM on August 16, 2007
I see the source of the confusion birdsquared, but my experience with the method is that it's after you sober up that things start going downhill fast.
posted by Abiezer at 3:32 AM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by Abiezer at 3:32 AM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]
Wanna get laid? Don't deconstruct the plural of googol plex. On a date.
Unless you want to get laid with me. I'd totally go for that.
posted by altolinguistic at 3:50 AM on August 16, 2007
Unless you want to get laid with me. I'd totally go for that.
posted by altolinguistic at 3:50 AM on August 16, 2007
"There are about five ... about dating and flirting on Metafilter"
Are you sure you don't mean AskMe?
posted by Eideteker at 3:55 AM on August 16, 2007
Are you sure you don't mean AskMe?
posted by Eideteker at 3:55 AM on August 16, 2007
What is the most outstanding and/or insightful commentary you've seen a Mefite write about dating?
BLAST HER
posted by Aloysius Bear at 5:10 AM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]
BLAST HER
posted by Aloysius Bear at 5:10 AM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]
Since no one's actually answering the question, I throw out a few comments I've liked in the short time I've been here.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
[disclaimer: I more of a bowhunting, computer hacking skills type of person, less of a relationship skills person so I can't vouch for these links containing any Greater Truths.]
posted by Durin's Bane at 5:27 AM on August 16, 2007
1, 2, 3, 4, 5
[disclaimer: I more of a bowhunting, computer hacking skills type of person, less of a relationship skills person so I can't vouch for these links containing any Greater Truths.]
posted by Durin's Bane at 5:27 AM on August 16, 2007
Well, I also lack any grammar and preview skills.
posted by Durin's Bane at 5:28 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by Durin's Bane at 5:28 AM on August 16, 2007
What comments did you think were amazingly spot-on?
Given that none of the AskMe advice has ever yet gotten me any action, I'd have to say none.
posted by orange swan at 5:47 AM on August 16, 2007
Given that none of the AskMe advice has ever yet gotten me any action, I'd have to say none.
posted by orange swan at 5:47 AM on August 16, 2007
thehmsbeagle makes good, thoughtful comments.
Looking at her comments, it would cool if we could sort a user's comments by whatever category of the subsite it was made in. For instance, for purposes of this question, it would be useful to be able to sort thehmsbeagle's comments by "human relations".
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:49 AM on August 16, 2007
Looking at her comments, it would cool if we could sort a user's comments by whatever category of the subsite it was made in. For instance, for purposes of this question, it would be useful to be able to sort thehmsbeagle's comments by "human relations".
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:49 AM on August 16, 2007
Somtimes, wcitymike, I think you ask your question on ask.meta and it didn't satisfy your attention need so you come over here to metatalk just to add some inane, babbling content.
Why not just wait a week and then post on the green asking for te best love advice people have received and whether or not it came from ask.meta.
posted by birdlady at 6:48 AM on August 16, 2007
Why not just wait a week and then post on the green asking for te best love advice people have received and whether or not it came from ask.meta.
posted by birdlady at 6:48 AM on August 16, 2007
Brandon Blatcher: "...it would cool if we could sort a user's comments by whatever category of the subsite it was made in."
That's how reputation systems will work in a near future, because it's more obvious every day that "reputation" is not an aggregating unique property but only works in distinct categories (or tags).
posted by bru at 6:52 AM on August 16, 2007
That's how reputation systems will work in a near future, because it's more obvious every day that "reputation" is not an aggregating unique property but only works in distinct categories (or tags).
posted by bru at 6:52 AM on August 16, 2007
The best advice is get the hell off the computer and go out and meet people.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:27 AM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:27 AM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]
Would a best of Ask Metafilter book sell? Especially one on dating? I had that thought until I realized that generously Matt has reserved the rights to the posters, which would lead to a lot of rights clearances. But has this ever been considered?
posted by ALongDecember at 7:33 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by ALongDecember at 7:33 AM on August 16, 2007
Try to be meek and insecure. Women find it endearing.
posted by LordSludge at 7:33 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by LordSludge at 7:33 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
This comment by StickyCarpet about the five-legged table of relationship has 100 favorites (up by 33 from the last time I mentioned it), for good reason.
posted by slimepuppy at 7:34 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by slimepuppy at 7:34 AM on August 16, 2007
The best thing about DTMFA is that it can even be used in "how do I hook up with x questions" by interpreting it as "Date the Mother Fudger Already."
posted by drezdn at 7:35 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by drezdn at 7:35 AM on August 16, 2007
Webster says "googolplexes."
posted by Dave Faris at 7:43 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by Dave Faris at 7:43 AM on August 16, 2007
I finally get it! The "Mike" stands for "Miguel" and WCity is the nickname of a Lisbon suburb.
I MetaTalked with MiguelCardoso: I knew MiguelCardoso; MiguelCardoso was a friend of mine.
WCityMike, you're no MiguelCardoso.
posted by timeistight at 7:48 AM on August 16, 2007
I MetaTalked with MiguelCardoso: I knew MiguelCardoso; MiguelCardoso was a friend of mine.
WCityMike, you're no MiguelCardoso.
posted by timeistight at 7:48 AM on August 16, 2007
The fundamental flaw in the vast majority of the relationship questions on AskMe is the misapprehension that their case is somehow unique or special, and that no one before in the history of the world has experienced a situation with those exact details, therefore they need to ask and can't simply glean the same advice from a similar prior question. "But, see, I've known this girl for six months, and in the only other questions about this, the guy has known her for five or seven months!"
And yet they don't realize that things that matter to them, because they're up close, matter not a whit to people giving advice, because it's all about "I had a vaguely similar experience" or "I had a friend who" or "I saw this on Jenny Jones once."
I got an irate email once from someone who had posted anonymously and was aghast at the suggestion that their inability to convert tentative flirting into a date was roughly the same question that we'd seen times before, and would be answered by the same brief platitudes ("No, really, dude, just ask her on a date").
I don't think I ever got back to him because, hey, some angry email's not going to help him realize the fundamental gross limits of human experience.
posted by klangklangston at 7:54 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
And yet they don't realize that things that matter to them, because they're up close, matter not a whit to people giving advice, because it's all about "I had a vaguely similar experience" or "I had a friend who" or "I saw this on Jenny Jones once."
I got an irate email once from someone who had posted anonymously and was aghast at the suggestion that their inability to convert tentative flirting into a date was roughly the same question that we'd seen times before, and would be answered by the same brief platitudes ("No, really, dude, just ask her on a date").
I don't think I ever got back to him because, hey, some angry email's not going to help him realize the fundamental gross limits of human experience.
posted by klangklangston at 7:54 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
"The best advice is get the hell off the computer and go out and meet people."
The best advice is to have a vagina and incredibly low standards.
posted by klangklangston at 7:55 AM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]
The best advice is to have a vagina and incredibly low standards.
posted by klangklangston at 7:55 AM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]
The fundamental flaw in the vast majority of the relationship questions on AskMe is the misapprehension that their case is somehow unique or special, and that no one before in the history of the world has experienced a situation with those exact details, therefore they need to ask and can't simply glean the same advice from a similar prior question.
This is the best (unwritten) advice I have gotten from AskMetafilter- when I feel anxious about some portion of my life, I just remember that there have been 15 identical AskMeta questions on that same topic. I'm not alone!! We all have the same problems!!! It makes me feel better.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:56 AM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]
This is the best (unwritten) advice I have gotten from AskMetafilter- when I feel anxious about some portion of my life, I just remember that there have been 15 identical AskMeta questions on that same topic. I'm not alone!! We all have the same problems!!! It makes me feel better.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:56 AM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]
To add to AV's list,
7. It's OK to be single sometimes. (Corollary: DTMFA)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:16 AM on August 16, 2007
7. It's OK to be single sometimes. (Corollary: DTMFA)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:16 AM on August 16, 2007
"Two billiard balls in a sock."
Do those go in the front of my slacks or the back?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:49 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
Do those go in the front of my slacks or the back?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:49 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
What is the most outstanding and/or insightful commentary you've seen a Mefite write about dating?
Say this loudly and forcefully during intimate moments:
DON'T LOOK AT ME! STOP LOOKING AT ME!
posted by KokuRyu at 8:50 AM on August 16, 2007
Say this loudly and forcefully during intimate moments:
DON'T LOOK AT ME! STOP LOOKING AT ME!
posted by KokuRyu at 8:50 AM on August 16, 2007
I like the comments wherein miss lynnster snaps her fingers, bobs her head and says "girlfriend" a lot.*
As to the other non-question, it is clearly googleplexicaterianistas.
*Such comments may not exist. miss lynnster is a fictional character, not a real person who verbally assaulted Jackson Browne or that guy from the Eagles, or whomever it was....
posted by Mister_A at 8:57 AM on August 16, 2007
As to the other non-question, it is clearly googleplexicaterianistas.
*Such comments may not exist. miss lynnster is a fictional character, not a real person who verbally assaulted Jackson Browne or that guy from the Eagles, or whomever it was....
posted by Mister_A at 8:57 AM on August 16, 2007
The best advice is to have a vagina and incredibly low standards.
Ah klangklangston, if you were only single...
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:21 AM on August 16, 2007
Ah klangklangston, if you were only single...
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:21 AM on August 16, 2007
I happen to know that he does have shingles.
Wait, what?
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:32 AM on August 16, 2007
Wait, what?
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:32 AM on August 16, 2007
Devil'sAdvocate: *parries* That's a subpoint of #3.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:54 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:54 AM on August 16, 2007
"I happen to know that he does have shingles."
Just like David Letterman!
posted by klangklangston at 9:56 AM on August 16, 2007
Just like David Letterman!
posted by klangklangston at 9:56 AM on August 16, 2007
David Letterman also knows you have shingles? Damn, man, you can't keep a secret any better than I can.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:08 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:08 AM on August 16, 2007
Top ten inconvenient ailments Klangklangston is afflicted with...
10. Shingles!
posted by klangklangston at 10:27 AM on August 16, 2007
10. Shingles!
posted by klangklangston at 10:27 AM on August 16, 2007
"Paul, uh—er, you have anything to—"
"No, Dave, I—"
"—anything to, er, add to that?"
"I can't imagine what."
"Shingles! Just rolls of the tongue, dunnit?"
"Like a song, yeah."
"Shingles!"
"It's a very hip ailment."
"You ever had the, er, the shingles, Paul?"
"I was a fool and in love."
"Hey! Alright. What's next, let's see, who've we got up next. Alright. Shingles! Okay. We're gonna take a break folks, Jessamyn West on the show when we come back, we'll talk a little about vaginas and low standards."
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:37 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
"No, Dave, I—"
"—anything to, er, add to that?"
"I can't imagine what."
"Shingles! Just rolls of the tongue, dunnit?"
"Like a song, yeah."
"Shingles!"
"It's a very hip ailment."
"You ever had the, er, the shingles, Paul?"
"I was a fool and in love."
"Hey! Alright. What's next, let's see, who've we got up next. Alright. Shingles! Okay. We're gonna take a break folks, Jessamyn West on the show when we come back, we'll talk a little about vaginas and low standards."
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:37 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
(crowd shot, Paul's band plays "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.")
posted by klangklangston at 10:39 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by klangklangston at 10:39 AM on August 16, 2007
9. The inability to ask oneself "Does this make me look like an asshat?" before hitting the Post Comment button. (The #1 most common affliction among MeFites - yes, I suffer from it too)
posted by wendell at 10:42 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by wendell at 10:42 AM on August 16, 2007
Miguel isn't an injoke, he's a man. The best of us, and maybe the worst, and not really around anymore except for the occasional welcome cameo with cigars and martinis and the helplessly pervasive sense that all will be alright and we'll probably get laid tonight to boot.
Back when he was still a regular, he used to make a lot of chatty Metatalk posts. Insofar as you, yourself, have been making metatalk posts at a relatively brisk pace (two to three a month since March), and insofar as many of them (this one included) have been sort of chatty, discussion-type posts, the comparison kind of leaps to mind.
That's basically all.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:52 AM on August 16, 2007
Back when he was still a regular, he used to make a lot of chatty Metatalk posts. Insofar as you, yourself, have been making metatalk posts at a relatively brisk pace (two to three a month since March), and insofar as many of them (this one included) have been sort of chatty, discussion-type posts, the comparison kind of leaps to mind.
That's basically all.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:52 AM on August 16, 2007
wendell: funny, I was going to post 9. as "logorrhea of the ass"
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:01 AM on August 16, 2007
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:01 AM on August 16, 2007
There were times when I could
Have strangled her
(But you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her)
Would you please
Let me see her?
posted by four panels at 2:00 PM on August 16, 2007
Have strangled her
(But you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her)
Would you please
Let me see her?
posted by four panels at 2:00 PM on August 16, 2007
He never really looks at me
I give him every opportunity
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again!
posted by four panels at 2:01 PM on August 16, 2007
I give him every opportunity
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again!
posted by four panels at 2:01 PM on August 16, 2007
INCURABLE ROMANTIC seeks maple-cured bacon. I'm done with this love bullshit. Box 40021.
posted by sonofslim at 2:28 PM on August 16, 2007
posted by sonofslim at 2:28 PM on August 16, 2007
Beware
I bear
more grudges
Than lonely high court judges
When you sleep
I will creep
Into your thoughts
Like a bad debt
That you can't pay
Take the easy way
And give in
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:37 PM on August 16, 2007
I bear
more grudges
Than lonely high court judges
When you sleep
I will creep
Into your thoughts
Like a bad debt
That you can't pay
Take the easy way
And give in
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:37 PM on August 16, 2007
Sylvia's Mother says Sylvia's busy,
Too busy to come to the phone.
And Sylvia's Mother says, Sylvia's trying
To start a new life on her own.
And Sylvia's Mother says, "Sylvia's happy,
So why can't you leave her alone?"
posted by misha at 4:30 PM on August 16, 2007
Too busy to come to the phone.
And Sylvia's Mother says, Sylvia's trying
To start a new life on her own.
And Sylvia's Mother says, "Sylvia's happy,
So why can't you leave her alone?"
posted by misha at 4:30 PM on August 16, 2007
Seconding the vote for StickyCarpet's comment below:
In a long term relationship, I think of there being at least five legs to the table:
safety: financial and physical, can you meet your needs together, are you healthy for each other?
sexual: well, you know what that is.
friendship: do you entertain and interest each other when you are not having sex?
social: do you make a unit that reinforces your standing in the context of work, family, friends?
domestic: is daily life more pleasant, do you enjoy and provide each other with food, comfortable bedding, other everyday human comforts and considerations?
With all five legs you can dance on the table like a crazy fool, and it will still stand. It will stand even with three legs, but then you will have to be more careful not to tip it over.
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:47 PM on June 13 [114 favorites -] [!]
posted by ml98tu at 4:57 PM on August 16, 2007
In a long term relationship, I think of there being at least five legs to the table:
safety: financial and physical, can you meet your needs together, are you healthy for each other?
sexual: well, you know what that is.
friendship: do you entertain and interest each other when you are not having sex?
social: do you make a unit that reinforces your standing in the context of work, family, friends?
domestic: is daily life more pleasant, do you enjoy and provide each other with food, comfortable bedding, other everyday human comforts and considerations?
With all five legs you can dance on the table like a crazy fool, and it will still stand. It will stand even with three legs, but then you will have to be more careful not to tip it over.
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:47 PM on June 13 [114 favorites -] [!]
posted by ml98tu at 4:57 PM on August 16, 2007
A boy in the bush is worth two in the hand
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:38 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:38 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
Will she ever care? [more inside]
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the sacred wunderkind. She took me behind a disused railway line and said "I know a place where we can go where we are not known" and then she gave me something that I won't forget too soon. But I can't believe that she'd ever care, and this is why I think she will never care: these things take time & I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped.
I'm spellbound, but the woman divides and the hills are alive with celibate cries. But she know where she came from, she knows where she's going and she know where she belongs. She said I was ill, and she was not wrong. All the alcoholic afternoons when we sat in her rooms...they meant more to me than any, than any living thing on earth. They had more worth than any living thing on earth. But I can’t believe she could ever care.
Hive mind, do you think she will leave me behind?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:47 PM on August 16, 2007
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the sacred wunderkind. She took me behind a disused railway line and said "I know a place where we can go where we are not known" and then she gave me something that I won't forget too soon. But I can't believe that she'd ever care, and this is why I think she will never care: these things take time & I know that I'm the most inept that ever stepped.
I'm spellbound, but the woman divides and the hills are alive with celibate cries. But she know where she came from, she knows where she's going and she know where she belongs. She said I was ill, and she was not wrong. All the alcoholic afternoons when we sat in her rooms...they meant more to me than any, than any living thing on earth. They had more worth than any living thing on earth. But I can’t believe she could ever care.
Hive mind, do you think she will leave me behind?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:47 PM on August 16, 2007
No, but if it doesn't work out, I look forward to the Music post.
posted by Miko at 8:00 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Miko at 8:00 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]
UbuRoivas, if you would quit worrying about your clothes and just fucking go out, I am pretty sure your charm would show through just fine.
posted by blacklite at 3:03 AM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by blacklite at 3:03 AM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I know. It's gruesome that I care so much, all things considered. And you know, I want to see people & lights, so I might go out tonight...there's a club I'd like to go to. Who knows? I could meet somebody who really loves me...?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:09 AM on August 17, 2007
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:09 AM on August 17, 2007
I love you, UbuRoivas.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:14 AM on August 17, 2007
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:14 AM on August 17, 2007
ha! and they said that i'd never hook up on this site!
oh, hang on, korea is in the same timezone as sydney...it's probably just the plum wine talking.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:25 AM on August 17, 2007
oh, hang on, korea is in the same timezone as sydney...it's probably just the plum wine talking.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:25 AM on August 17, 2007
Well, the OB Lager, yeah, but well spotted!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:42 AM on August 17, 2007
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:42 AM on August 17, 2007
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by yhbc at 9:33 PM on August 15, 2007 [1 favorite]