Quon... sar? What is?

December 25, 2007 10:51 PM

Whither "quonsar"?

Just point me toward some FPPs, comments, or otherstuff that elucidates why he/she is a MeFiMeme.
Thanks, you enigmatic bastards.

posted by not_on_display to MetaFilter-Related at 10:51 PM (99 comments total)

If you'd opened up your trousers, you'd see he has already gifted you. With fish.
posted by boo_radley at 11:04 PM on December 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Too lazy for trousers. Just take me to quonsar.
posted by not_on_display at 11:11 PM on December 25, 2007

Sorry, quonsar is not on display.
posted by davejay at 11:12 PM on December 25, 2007

Fortunately you'll never find out thanks to the absence of a search feature!
posted by shakespeherian at 11:16 PM on December 25, 2007

No.

By explicitly asking for a distillation of the quonsarian essence, you have transgressed the unwritten laws and failed the unposed question. You have drenched yourself in the micturation of elephants, and dessicated your spiritual pantsfish. You have failed, and the shame and the mockery shall follow you to the end of your days.



Nah, I'm just fucking with you. quonsar's just this guy, you know?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:27 PM on December 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

                  ___.-~"~-._   __....__                .'    `    \ ~"~        ``-.               /` _      )  `\              `\              /`  a)    /     |               `\             :`        /      |                 \        <`-._|`  .-.  (      /   .            `;\\         `-. `--'_.'-.;\___/'   .      .       | \\      _     /:--`     |        /     /        .'o \\     ("\   /`/        |       '     '         /  O :`;     `\'\_/`/         .\     /`~`=-.:        /     ``       `._.'          /`\    |      `\      /(    O                     /  /\   |        `Y   /  \                        /  /  Y  |         |  /`\  \   O                   /  |   |  |         |  |  |  | OOO                  "---"  /___|        /___|  /__|OOOOOO                         '"""         '"""  '"""

posted by Krrrlson at 11:44 PM on December 25, 2007 [18 favorites]

He's mentioned most 'round these parts because he chose Metafilter to out himself as the infamous duclod man.
posted by item at 11:50 PM on December 25, 2007

or not. Miss you, q!
posted by item at 11:50 PM on December 25, 2007

Oh god, why did you ask that? What an awful, awful question - that's like saying Beetlejuice 3 times.
Well, you'd better prepare yourself for an avalanche of "we know something you don't know," responses. Here's hoping you like hilarious, "look behind you: oh, yes he is/ oh, no he's not," pantomime humor....
posted by forallmankind at 11:54 PM on December 25, 2007

item is lying. quonsar is, in fact, the Poe Toaster.
posted by blacklite at 11:59 PM on December 25, 2007

You can search the quonsar essence yourself by clicking on his user name and searching through his comments, etc... Beware of fish in pants!
posted by amyms at 12:10 AM on December 26, 2007

he's busy with his campaign for the presidency.
posted by Hat Maui at 12:32 AM on December 26, 2007

quonsar is, in fact, the Poe Toaster.

Not to be confused with these toe posters.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 12:55 AM on December 26, 2007

blacklite is lying because blacklite is a liar. quonsar said so.
posted by item at 12:59 AM on December 26, 2007

In all seriousness, quonsar used to be a member here. Now he's not. The last we heard of him, he'd bought a little cottage in New England with 111.
posted by item at 1:01 AM on December 26, 2007

You're seriously asking why quonsar was/is such a well known member? I'm afraid there is no hope for you, my child.
posted by puke & cry at 1:13 AM on December 26, 2007

I see that you're relatively new here. There is hope for you, but that means you've got to learn to use Metafilter's search function. I hear that "quonsar" is probably a good search term to use. Finding out the origins of any meme on Metafilter is a journey. Arguably, the journey is more important than the destination. Especially since in this case, quonsar is a member who in the end eventually left as perhaps we all may one day. But the journey to that point was quite interesting/entertaining.

Search. Use it. Or risk becoming a meme yourself.
posted by Mister Cheese at 2:17 AM on December 26, 2007

What does the dot mean in the obituary posts?
posted by birdherder at 4:47 AM on December 26, 2007

.
posted by OmieWise at 5:17 AM on December 26, 2007

Ok, so everyone else is either joking around or telling you to search, so I'll be the guy who tries to answer your question (even though you really should search).

Here is a thread where people discuss quonsar's leaving of MeFi. Several folks (myself included) have seen much of quonsar's activity here before he left, and discuss why he is loved. The basic answer is: he's a guy who would often go into threads and make short comments. Some people loved him, finding his comments to be funny, spot-on barbs puncturing overinflated egos and arguments. Some people hated him, finding his comments to be sarcastic, snide, uselessly obvious statements.

Other points of trivia are: he was temp-banned several (many) times from MeFi. He was significantly older than the average MeFite. He did (or does) have a drinking problem. He liked to use the non-sequitor "I have fish...in my pants".

So that pretty much covers it. There isn't a whole lot more behind the quonsar meme.
posted by Bugbread at 5:20 AM on December 26, 2007 [6 favorites]

Also, I do not think you know what "whither" means. Be grateful quonsar is not here, for he would rip you a new pantsfish.
posted by languagehat at 5:30 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

quonsar was just this fucking guy, ya know? Have you seen my new hat?
posted by Meatbomb at 5:31 AM on December 26, 2007

Meatbomb, that hat looks damn good on you, brother.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:38 AM on December 26, 2007

IS QUONSAR THE NEW PORTOBELLO?

Or would it be not_on_display?
posted by KokuRyu at 5:48 AM on December 26, 2007

at one time you could just search the quonsar tag
posted by caddis at 6:10 AM on December 26, 2007

I talked to him on IRC on Christmas eve. He mentioned sacrificing a Christmas kitten and the fact that he put a Festivus pole in the fireplace. "Santa is gonna get a biiiiig surprise," he said.

I miss Quonsar.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 6:10 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Languagehat:

Don't you think that the "Whither X?" construction (snowclone?) is common enough to expand the usage or are you trying to stamp it out? I see it used aas a slightly more dressy version of "Whats up with X?"
posted by shothotbot at 6:18 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

That hat is clearly lacking a canoe and a giant cooler full of cheap light beer.

Six more months 'til float trip season, y'all.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:20 AM on December 26, 2007

But "Whence X?" is lovely too, and equally affected, so if someone's going to trot one or the other out they may as well be encouraged to pick the right one. Whence whither-for-whence?

Followup question: whither whence-for-whence?
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:28 AM on December 26, 2007

The man's a giant, bloated corpuscle on the face of MeFi.
posted by chlorus at 6:35 AM on December 26, 2007

Languagehat is correct (as usual, King Friday):

"Where the hell did X come from, anyhow?" = "Whence X?"

"Whither X?" means "Where is X?" or "Where is X going?"
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:36 AM on December 26, 2007

quonsar is currently rocking the free world with his Hagstrom. he hasn't the time for such infantile shenanigans.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:38 AM on December 26, 2007

I'm new to this church. I keep hearing people talking about some guy named "Devil". Can anyone explain who the hell this guy is and why I should care? kthxgbye.
posted by SteveTheRed at 6:47 AM on December 26, 2007

At least the question wasn't "Wherefore Quonsar." That would have sent the grammar nerds into hysterical, shrieking fits of pique.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:19 AM on December 26, 2007

Don't you think that the "Whither X?" construction (snowclone?) is common enough to expand the usage

Not sure what you mean. The "Whither X?" construction has been the subject of jokes and parodies for a century or so, but the jokes only work if whither has its correct meaning. If you used "X: let me show you them" but tried to make show mean "take away from," it wouldn't be funny. Like Mister Gray Matter says, if you want to do the fancy "where did this come from?" thing, you need whence. Otherwise it's not a snowclone, it's just a pile of snow. Yellow snow.
posted by languagehat at 7:27 AM on December 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

Dude, obviously not_on_display meant "What's the point of quonsar"? If you think they didn't, you've got another thing coming.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:45 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

quonsar is a recursive algorithm; and like a Mandelbrot fractal, he will appear simple on the surface, but closer inspection will reveal his infinite complexity and inability to be described in traditional Euclidean geometric language..

Also like a fractal, college stoners like to hang his picture on their walls, and talk about him while in their drum circles.
posted by quin at 8:05 AM on December 26, 2007

Quonsar was:
A. an often witty counterweight to the progressive pieties that rule this place
B. a huge frickin' asshole
C. too lazy to find the shift key
D. all of the above
posted by LarryC at 8:28 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

Also also like a fractal, he's actually composed upon closer examination of increasingly the tiny sub-quonsars.

Big ups to whoever throws together this .gif first.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:30 AM on December 26, 2007

On the late 60's American sitcom "That Girl" Quansar was the perpetually befuddled elevator operator that always gave seemingly pointless cryptic advice that always turned out to have the kernel of truth that guided Marlo Thomas' character to resolution.

Some time in early 2000 a small group of MeFi members began using the name to send coded messages to other members of the fabled secret splinter group the Peoples Front of Meta. Over the years there has been much confusion and misinterpretation of the posts due to the fact that a counter secret splinter group, the Meta People's Front, have also posted coded messages under the guise of the fictional quansar. Some say that the "drunken quansar" posts are the work of the work of the Meta People's Front, while others (myself included) believe that those posts are "meta-noise" created by the Knights of MeFi to dissuade splinter groups from using MeFi as a tool of delivery.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 8:41 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

"Correct meaning", languagehat? I think shothotbot is trying to say that if enough people are now using it in the "whence" sense (which is admittedly new to me, and I've no idea what a snowclone is), then that's what it means. Which isn't too far away from positions you've often espoused here, is it?
posted by bonaldi at 8:57 AM on December 26, 2007

bonaldi, without some indication that people are in fact habitually and in force using "whither x" to mean "where did x come from", there's no descriptivist argument for the usage. I admit I have no numbers to show in either direction; maybe it has become a proportionally common or even overwhelming alternate usage, but I'm (anecdotally) doubtful that that's the case. I've come across whither-as-whence few enough times that I'm inclined to think of it as a simple malapropism at this point, not an alternate meaning with real legs.

Bonus round: short-form essay on "whether thou goest", "from whither".

Confidential to Slack-a-gogo: there is no cabal.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:10 AM on December 26, 2007

quonsar was a millstone on the road to a brighter future.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:15 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

I poked around a bit for citations and now I am wondering if I made the whole thing up. coulda sworn...
posted by shothotbot at 9:18 AM on December 26, 2007

Everything you ever wanted to know about quonsar.
posted by Sailormom at 9:38 AM on December 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

i am a stephen king thread with catfights, incoherent ramblings and aggressive comments written under the belt, not someone who regularly cringed in pain whenever his born-again brother fawningly recommended them, someone who was given an unlabelled CD in a wide range of microsoft windows software.
posted by quonsar at 9:44 AM on December 26 [+] [!]

So true, Sailormom. So true.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:45 AM on December 26, 2007

Amazing. The MarkovFilter quonsar sounds exactly like the real quonsar.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:01 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

That markov thingy rocks, cortex!

It is because I have heard plenty of "big men" eager to provide more relevant links.5th bullet: while doing a Google search for a variety of reasons I like grandfather clocks.
If Matt enjoys doing it, it says "Canada" to me in the world.
That's good.

posted by meatbomb at 10:03 AM on December 26 [+] [!]

Although I didn't exactly say any of that, it pretty much sums up the pure essence of my soul. Groovy.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:06 AM on December 26, 2007

So, yes, I do know how to search, read through profiles. quonsar's file is thick! I did, in fact, leaf through some of his stuff before I posted, and he seems like a lot of you all: quite a character.

The real reason I posted this was to see which of you would react, and how. In my Christmas-boozed brain last night, I thought of it as a general call-out. Thank you, and how. I knew you would rise to the task.

I added the "whither" because I knew that would cause some to say, "Did he just say whither? Does he know what that means?" (Yes, I looked that up, too, before posting. I decided to use it anyway, and if called, to argue that I meant, "Where are y'all going with this quonsar stuff?")

Happy Quonsar Kwanzaa to you all! I love MetaFilter.
posted by not_on_display at 10:34 AM on December 26, 2007

quonsar was the founding member of the phenomenon known as Hawkwind.

-Todd Lokken
posted by Pollomacho at 10:37 AM on December 26, 2007

Well, now I just feel used.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:38 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

I added the "whither" because I knew that would cause some to say, "Did he just say whither? Does he know what that means?"

Of course I knew that! I was just testing you!
posted by shakespeherian at 10:39 AM on December 26, 2007

^Well, now I just feel used.

C'mon, babe, come back. I wasn't using you, really. I was using quonsar. To use you.
posted by not_on_display at 11:02 AM on December 26, 2007

Meh.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:09 AM on December 26, 2007

MarkovFilter comments that contain images are the best. I got this fish-pants-related beauty, with the following profound alt text: i told you i had fish in my response to your browser and the most succinct way I can describe my thoughts about this brouhaha a lot, and just LOVE the little smiley? this is all shit, promulgated by morons. (this makes you feel manly to invoke them.)
posted by matthewr at 11:09 AM on December 26, 2007

"Correct meaning", languagehat? I think shothotbot is trying to say that if enough people are now using it in the "whence" sense (which is admittedly new to me, and I've no idea what a snowclone is), then that's what it means. Which isn't too far away from positions you've often espoused here, is it?

What cortex said. If there was indeed a significant number of English-speakers who used it that way, sure, I'd defend it as a new meaning (though I wouldn't like it). But there isn't. It's just a misuse. Descriptivists defend actual usage, not random mistakes (in this case, deliberate).
posted by languagehat at 11:25 AM on December 26, 2007

Or, in the words of MarkovMe:

Is this a monarchist or rather anti-monarchist plot where I found myself reading the sample letters and one thing to say WTF? Why is this "crotchety" and "vapors" crap. Why on earth does your friend think you're contributing to this discussion? I really don't need paragraphs of the matter.

I don't entirely agree with.
posted by languagehat at 11:26 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

quonsar was the real Steve Jobs. He decided to leave after that guy from Forbes ruined everything.
posted by Smart Dalek at 12:06 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Is quonsar gone, or just using a sock puppet now?
posted by Cranberry at 12:15 PM on December 26, 2007

Wait a minute! Am I reading this correctly? quonsar has withered?!?
posted by wendell at 12:23 PM on December 26, 2007

quonsar has withered?!?

Along with Senor Whences, yes.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:24 PM on December 26, 2007

Wither in peace, Quonsar!

Though I have to admit, it always seemed like he got away with being mediocre via history. When I'm that old and boring, I hope MeFites will hunt me down and kill me.
posted by Sparx at 1:15 PM on December 26, 2007

[...] a combination of personal deleted comments and a great minor key live rendition of this morning![...]
posted by cortex at 1:15 PM on December 26 [+] [!]

Too awesome. Since I'm probably late to this toy, I'll take it over to a corner now.
posted by fleacircus at 1:20 PM on December 26, 2007

quonsar is indeed using a sock puppet. Goes by the handle "mathowie" these days. Feel free to ignore anything he says.
posted by caution live frogs at 1:22 PM on December 26, 2007

Quonsar is the perfect patron saint of this place.

Unfortunately though, that says more about the disfunction of this place than it does about him.
posted by Dave Faris at 1:24 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Dude is a slick down mako shark growling biped like a circus wolf down your thoroughfare, look out. No joke Quonsar steal your chest while you no-look pass the fuck out. Watch his dust.
posted by breezeway at 2:11 PM on December 26, 2007

If I recall correctly he wasn't willing to cut off his arm. Sissy boy.
posted by chunking express at 2:37 PM on December 26, 2007

10/5/1969. Wither Canada. A hermit [YouTube] comes out of the sea and says "It's . . . ." The world will never be the same.
posted by The Bellman at 2:51 PM on December 26, 2007

Quonsar had a Ludovician in his pants.

It finally ate its way through his posts and unraveled him.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:54 PM on December 26, 2007

When I'm that old and boring, I hope MeFites will hunt me down and kill me

Why wait - we'll be happy to oblige now.
posted by madamjujujive at 3:02 PM on December 26, 2007

The real reason I posted this was to see which of you would react, and how.

So this was just a troll? Well, you're deep in the shit now, sonny jim.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:11 PM on December 26, 2007

^So this was just a troll? Well, you're deep in the shit now, sonny jim.

Well, I... errm... Hey! Look! Isn't that quonsar right over there?
run
run
run
run
pant, pant, pant... whoo, that was close.
posted by not_on_display at 4:07 PM on December 26, 2007

When I'm that old and boring, I hope MeFites will hunt me down and kill me.

Well, now that I've gotten landis to banninate himself, I can go to work on other prey. Sparx is nowhere as old as quonsar, yet is already more boring... how do I balance it out so I know when "Sparx Season" begins?
posted by wendell at 4:17 PM on December 26, 2007

typing his name in google earth takes you to a mysterious midwest church, so i imagine thats where he's hiding.
posted by sgt.serenity at 4:19 PM on December 26, 2007

pant, pant, pant... whoo, that was close.

You're lucky I'm old and easily distracted, you young whippersnapper, you.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:23 PM on December 26, 2007

Why was my question/post censored...err... deleted, and why doesn't anyone favourite me?
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 4:33 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

The first rule of Quonsar is, you do NOT talk about Quonsar.....
posted by meeshell at 4:34 PM on December 26, 2007

He's the Don Matteo's Quonsigliere.
posted by jonmc at 4:47 PM on December 26, 2007

Unfortunately though, that says more about the disfunction of this place than it does about him.

Dysfunction. with a 'y,' doctor.
posted by jonmc at 4:51 PM on December 26, 2007

Oh? "Whither Quonsar?"
A small, petulant query.
The sage sighs: "Thither."
posted by boo_radley at 5:13 PM on December 26, 2007

The first rule of Qquonsar is, you do NOT talk about capitalize Qquonsar.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:24 PM on December 26, 2007

The first rule of quonsar is, you do NOT capitalize quonsar.

Well, there goes my quonsarMart™ franchise right out the goddamn window.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:30 PM on December 26, 2007

not_on_display: Just think of the old, 2-note sound logo jingle for Quasar televisions, but in your head, replace "Quasar" with "quonsar". At that point, everything will become clear to you.

What? Too young to remember the jingle? OK, it's here, at the end of this commercial.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:47 PM on December 26, 2007

f@m: That was the first thing my brain attached "quonsar" to. Not the jingle (which I didn't recall, but thanks)--but the TV set, definitely. From there, it was quonset huts, cuisinarts, and then the rest of the q's qasqaded and all was lost. Except the TV set association.
posted by not_on_display at 5:59 PM on December 26, 2007

Quasar: The one with the works in a drawer.
Quonsar: The one with the fish in his drawers.
posted by Horken Bazooka at 6:15 PM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

The first rule of Quonsar is that you always capitalize Quonsar, mostly because it pissed him off when you did.
posted by Dave Faris at 7:26 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

The real reason I posted this was to see which of you would react, and how. In my Christmas-boozed brain last night, I thought of it as a general call-out. Thank you, and how. I knew you would rise to the task.

I added the "whither" because I knew that would cause some to say, "Did he just say whither? Does he know what that means?" (Yes, I looked that up, too, before posting. I decided to use it anyway, and if called, to argue that I meant, "Where are y'all going with this quonsar stuff?")

I just added a note to your file.
posted by pineapple at 7:33 PM on December 26, 2007

I just added a note to your file.

E flat above middle C?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:04 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Naw, dolla on tha emery.
posted by carsonb at 9:53 PM on December 26, 2007

Twenty bucks, same as in town.
posted by flabdablet at 1:51 AM on December 27, 2007

When I'm that old and boring, I hope MeFites will hunt me down and kill me.

Listen sparky, without us "old and boring" folks you'd be reading the internets on your etch a sketch. Now get offa my lawn before I have 'em slap an ASBO on you.
posted by SteveInMaine at 7:32 AM on December 27, 2007

> At least the question wasn't "Wherefore Quonsar."

That one's self-explanatory.
posted by jfuller at 7:34 AM on December 27, 2007

A fish in any other pants would smell as blort.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:41 AM on December 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

Whither "quonsar?"

You could always check out this collaborative blog, which he contributes to. I've always enjoyed it.
posted by scarabic at 9:06 AM on December 27, 2007

I hope people make a MetaTalk tradition of posting exclusively about Quonsar every Boxing Day.
posted by nanojath at 10:34 AM on December 27, 2007

I've got silverfish in my pants. They love a humid, crevice-rich environment.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:49 AM on December 28, 2007

I hope people make a MetaTalk tradition of posting exclusively about Quonsar every Boxing Day.

And here's to the hope that all of them, instead of only half of them, are closed after 3 comments.
posted by Dave Faris at 5:03 AM on December 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

understanding quonsar is like understanding why cows can fly
posted by Mikey-San at 12:58 PM on December 28, 2007

"understanding quonsar" is Scott McCloud's next book.
posted by wendell at 1:38 PM on December 28, 2007 [1 favorite]