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A disease of the nervous system, blogebrity incubates in the Islets of Doctorow within the pancreas. Rather than transmission through traditional paths within the circulatory system, it works its way past the blood-brain barrier by travelling through passages resulting from inflammation of the Nodes of Krose. Symptoms at this stage are similar to the effects of "Micropée", though this connection is unremarkable as the two diseases are related. The disease enters the brain fairly quickly, at which point treatment is almost impossible. Patients autopsied at this stage of infection resemble victims of Mad Kottke diease (blogine spongiform encephaly, or Gawksfeld-Seedmob disease), in that the brain is porous and spongy; riddled with empty cavities and voids. Patients suffering from this stage of the disease were classically called "twits" or said to "have their minds a-twitter", though these terms have acquired a pejorative cast and thus fallen into disfavor. In advanced stages of the disease, these cavities in the infected cortex fill with a moist solid suspended in a viscous, aqueous solution; similar in consistency and odor to bovine excrement.
Symptoms of the disease are almost entirely behavioral, until such time as the condition is uncurable. Behavioral symptoms include narcissism, malignant narcissism, solipsism, mania, monomania, uncontrollable masturbation, multiple personality disorder/disassociative identity disorder, and ADHD. Symptoms may also resemble schizophrenia, in that the patient may feel that voices (usually referred to by the infected as comments or talkbacks) are speaking to them from the æther. These voices may suggest the afflicted do such things as switch political parties, refrain from discourse with other humans (or "STFU"), or perform unspeakable and taboo acts with one's mother. These messages can, understandably, have a negative effect on the patient's affect.
If caught in the early stages, blogebrity is treatable by removing the infected from the proximity of electrical devices, including cell phones, and distancing them from radio waves that carry "WiFi" signals. Fresh air is recommended, but only if the patient is denied a camera or other recording devices, as the presence of either while outdoors may cause the patient to "flicker" (a form of relapse) upon return to the domicile. Similarly, exercise is recommended as long as care is taken that the patient cannot in any way track or record their "progress". Excessive concern over this matter may be indicative that the disease is already proceeding to an advanced state and that more intensive and isolating treatment is required. Caretakers are discouraged from entering into any dialogue with the infected regarding their obsession, as this is the most common vector for the spread of social networking diseases.
posted by jessamyn at 9:12 AM on August 22, 2008 [3 favorites]