Jesus Christ, this is stupid.

September 16, 2008 11:47 AM

For God's sake, can we delete this moron post using two poorly written old articles to set up a point-counterpoint that is as trite as it is pointlessly inflammatory? I thought posting things just to forward one's own opinions and to stir up meaningless, hot-air controversy was against the guidelines.
posted by Electrius to etiquette/policy at 11:47 AM (89 comments total)

yeah, ok.
posted by jessamyn at 11:49 AM on September 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

Hey, let's move the party over here, gang!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:52 AM on September 16, 2008

God told me to delete that post.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:53 AM on September 16, 2008

Actually, that was a really interesting post that posed questions that had never been asked before by tenth graders learning to shape their pubescent debating skills.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:55 AM on September 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Wow, a lot of hate for a post that asks why Christians are hypocrit...oh, right.
posted by DU at 11:57 AM on September 16, 2008 [4 favorites]

Gah, "poorly-written" should be hyphenated.
posted by Electrius at 11:57 AM on September 16, 2008

And on the first day, God said "HURF DURF".
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 11:59 AM on September 16, 2008 [7 favorites]

I sometimes wonder if people keep an egg timer by their computers.

ok, there's a post I hate. I'm going to give it... 25 minutes. If it's not gone by the time I hear the bell, I'm going to MeTa.
posted by shmegegge at 11:59 AM on September 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

2 I CAN HAS LIGHT
3 ITS GUD KTNX
posted by Plutor at 12:00 PM on September 16, 2008 [8 favorites]

I had the last post.

That was pretty cool, I thought.
posted by paisley henosis at 12:08 PM on September 16, 2008

Wow, a lot of hate for a post that asks why Christians are hypocrit...oh, right.

Except that, as was pointed out in the thread, most of the people who thought that it was a crap post aren't Christian.

Jesus told me: Love the crap poster, hate the crap post.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:11 PM on September 16, 2008 [4 favorites]

I sometimes wonder if people keep an egg timer by their computers.

I keep an egg timer in my pants, but for a different reason.
posted by davejay at 12:16 PM on September 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Except that, as was pointed out in the thread, most of the people who thought that it was a crap post aren't Christian.

But according to the article, Christians aren't actually Christians. So therefore those non-Christians are as Christian as real Christians, which means that they are both "Christians" in that they are not Christians.

So really it's all the Christians' fault that the post was deleted.
posted by burnmp3s at 12:19 PM on September 16, 2008

Wow, a lot of hate for a post that asks why Christians are hypocrit...oh, right.

Aw shit, DU's on to us! Retreat, my fellow MeFiCryptoXTIANs, retreat!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:20 PM on September 16, 2008

I haven't flagged anything yet (and this was closed before I could flag it). Can I still flag this thing so I can get some practice in?
posted by cimbrog at 12:21 PM on September 16, 2008

Gah, "poorly-written" should be hyphenated.

Not true. Heretic!
posted by mudpuppie at 12:27 PM on September 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

LOLCALLOUTS

Callouts are, in general, pointless.

Case A: the post is so obviously bad that it will get deleted whether you call it out or not

Case B: the post is on the edge so you'll only end up creating a pointless MetaTalk thread that will cause hurt feelings and foaming mouths all around and the mods will handle it the same way as if you had never posted the callout by deleting it if the comments take a left turn to Shitsville and leaving it up if things go smoothly.
posted by GuyZero at 12:38 PM on September 16, 2008

I believe in one blog: the Filter, alrighty? Linker of heaven and earth, and of all things fiseable and infiseable....
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:39 PM on September 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

curses! The esteemed mudpuppie beat me to it!
posted by scody at 12:41 PM on September 16, 2008

Gerhard Richter is his dad!
posted by mullacc at 12:43 PM on September 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

I thought posting things just to forward one's own opinions and to stir up meaningless, hot-air controversy was against the guidelines.

Look, the guy could take the bear, ok?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:43 PM on September 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

Don't worry, everyone, I have a good (or at least not going to get deleted) post somewheres in the future post pile which will be implicitly embarrassing to not only Christianity but all the Abrahamic religions.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 12:44 PM on September 16, 2008

"For God's sake..."
"Please, please abort this offensive, trolling post..."

I'm sensing a disturbing trend here.
posted by Dave Faris at 12:46 PM on September 16, 2008

I'm sensing a disturbing trend here.

As if thousands of voices cried out in horror begging to be silenced.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:57 PM on September 16, 2008 [5 favorites]

I wonder how humans came to use the expression "for God's sake."

'Cause I mean, if God is like, omnipotent and all that, then you hafta wonder how He'd be hurt by plexi's FPP.
posted by BeerFilter at 12:58 PM on September 16, 2008

'Cause I mean, if God is like, omnipotent and all that, then you hafta wonder how He'd be hurt by plexi's FPP.

God's kinda emo like that.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:04 PM on September 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

"For God's sake..."
"Please, please abort this offensive, trolling post..."

I'm sensing a disturbing trend here.

Indeed.

BTW, exactly how long are the mods going to let the pube thread get before razing it?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:06 PM on September 16, 2008

I just wanted to say that I watched Fame (movie, not the TV show) over the weekend, and it was more entertaining than this thread.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:08 PM on September 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

They've already trimmed it judiciously. And I must say it's much sportier, now.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:08 PM on September 16, 2008

Dude, let it go. No one cares about your inadvertent admission of tiny junk.
posted by Artw at 1:09 PM on September 16, 2008

Dude, let it go. No one cares about your inadvertent admission of tiny junk.


I know you aren't talking to me. At my age we don't have junk. We have antiques.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:12 PM on September 16, 2008 [6 favorites]

That would be to captain explo-rage up there.
posted by Artw at 1:14 PM on September 16, 2008

"God is powerful, but also insecure. Like Barbra Streisand."
posted by box at 1:16 PM on September 16, 2008

Hey, uh, Art, is it? Yeah?

I make joke. See? It play on words. You take personal?

(That post did suck though.)

FWIW, the notion that trimming makes it seem bigger is silly. Less hair=cooler=shrinkage. Duh.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:18 PM on September 16, 2008

'Cause I mean, if God is like, omnipotent and all that, then you hafta wonder how He'd be hurt by plexi's FPP.

Who said god was omnipotent?
posted by Rubbstone at 1:20 PM on September 16, 2008

There is a fundamental problem with the idea of God, and that problem is this: God is not a man, God is ostensibly everything. Therefore God is present in all of us, and also God is present in at least one sandwich.

Assume the sandwich is delicious. While not important to the argument, this fact is nonetheless interesting, as it raises the possibility of violent debate over the kind of sandwich God inhabits. This is outside the scope of this discussion however.

Suppose I eat the sandwich. The sandwich is gone, that is to say, while the atoms and molecules of the sandwich are being rearranged in my digestive tract, the sandwich as sandwich is no more. Setting aside for the moment the fact that I have become a God-Eater, we are now faced with two theological problems and one gustatory problem.

Problem 1: What has become of Sandwich God? Where has He gone?

Problem 2: If God was inside of me before eating the sandwich, what happens when that God is confronted with the recently ingested other God. Is God divisible, and if so, into what? Godecules? If not, what becomes of me, who now has twice the God within him? Do I derive any special powers for acting as a vessel for the Double God?

Problem 3: If the sandwich was delicious a priori, that is to say, if the sandwich was delicious independent of God's rather abrupt occupation of it, then what contribution did God make to my sandwich? Of what value is God if a sandwich can be rendered delicious through no more than man's careful construction and assembly? In other words, does a deity-free delicious sandwich argue in and of itself that God is nothing beyond man's diligence and craft?

The failure to address these questions is what I think doomed the post to failure.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:20 PM on September 16, 2008 [24 favorites]

Pastabagel, that is not your best work.
posted by Stynxno at 1:23 PM on September 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

I imagine that the same thing that happens to our Jeezits after consumption in mass happens to the God in the sandwich.
posted by cimbrog at 1:29 PM on September 16, 2008

Your argument is indigestible, Pastabagel (if that is your real carb). If God is everything, then God is all sandwiches, and the Godiclorians exist independent of the temporary nature of sandwich, gastric juice, and compost. If God is everything, there is no sandwich makings to be rendered delicious, and no man to render it so. God is the God of all bread and bread fillings, and of course, the Ten Condiments.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:29 PM on September 16, 2008 [4 favorites]

also God is present in at least one sandwich

Is mayonnaise the devil? And where does spicy mustard fit in all of this?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:29 PM on September 16, 2008

I make joke. See? It play on words. You take personal?

Tiny. Junk.
posted by Artw at 1:30 PM on September 16, 2008

Is mayonnaise the devil? And where does spicy mustard fit in all of this?

Why is swiss cheese the Pope's favorite sandwich ingredient?

Because it's holey!
posted by burnmp3s at 1:38 PM on September 16, 2008

Is mayonnaise the devil? And where does spicy mustard fit in all of this?

The SmörgåsLord is Lord of the entire buffet. Take. Eat...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:42 PM on September 16, 2008

"Problem 1: What has become of Sandwich God? Where has He gone?"

In thy gullet, little man. And yet, undiminished in every other sandwich.

Problem 2: If God was inside of me before eating the sandwich, what happens when that God is confronted with the recently ingested other God. Is God divisible, and if so, into what? Godecules? If not, what becomes of me, who now has twice the God within him? Do I derive any special powers for acting as a vessel for the Double God?

Rain falling into the sea does not make it twice the sea. Adding gouda to gouda does not make a double-cheese sandwich.

Problem 3: If the sandwich was delicious a priori, that is to say, if the sandwich was delicious independent of God's rather abrupt occupation of it, then what contribution did God make to my sandwich? Of what value is God if a sandwich can be rendered delicious through no more than man's careful construction and assembly? In other words, does a deity-free delicious sandwich argue in and of itself that God is nothing beyond man's diligence and craft?"

Ah, but you cannot have a deity-free sandwich! God is in all sandwiches, delicious or not; it is not God's fault that you only invoke him to say, "Jesus, that sandwich was great!"
posted by klangklangston at 1:49 PM on September 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Um, yeah, I specifically said "No God" in my BLT? Thanks.

And can I have another IPA? Thanks.
posted by everichon at 1:56 PM on September 16, 2008

Tiny. Junk.

YOU'RE A STUPID-HEAD AND YOU SMELL LIKE BEETS
posted by Sys Rq at 1:57 PM on September 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

plexi, I too don't think the post required deletion, even though it was clearly designed for controversy. Strangely enough, if you'd encased the entire thing in italics (as it was a quote from the second article) it probably would have come off as (at least more) objective. I'm glad I was able to read grumblebee's response, so thanks for posting that here.

Still, the thread itself was a trainwreck, and probably needed to be killed on that basis alone.

Just my 2¢.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:58 PM on September 16, 2008

Put the God in my belly.
posted by Evangeline at 1:59 PM on September 16, 2008

Dear AskMe,

I left god on the counter overnight, but wrapped in foil. Is it still ok to eat him?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:16 PM on September 16, 2008 [4 favorites]

HOW IS DEEITY FORMED?
posted by Artw at 2:19 PM on September 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

Keep your laws out of my body and your God out of my sandwich. You can, however, put your chocolate in my peanut butter and vice versa. I'm a pervert like that.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:19 PM on September 16, 2008

I keep an egg timer in my pants, but for a different reason.

Me too - for yet another reason.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 2:21 PM on September 16, 2008

I left god on the counter overnight, but wrapped in foil. Is it still ok to eat him?

How does he smell? Still godly?
posted by Evangeline at 2:23 PM on September 16, 2008

LIKE BEETS
posted by Sys Rq at 2:32 PM on September 16, 2008

In one of my favorite James Morrow books, Towing Jehovah the protagonists end up eating some of the body of God. Turns out it's made a mana, which to me means that during the exodus, the jews were eating holy dandruff.
posted by nomisxid at 2:48 PM on September 16, 2008

"For God's sake..."
"Please, please abort this offensive, trolling post..."

I'm sensing a disturbing trend here.

Indeed.

BTW, exactly how long are the mods going to let the pube thread get before razing it?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:06 PM on September 16 [+] [!]

Like Tom Swifties, but for post callouts!

This post needs to undergo some sort of gradual environmental catastrophe that modern civilization will prove incapable of dealing with in a rational manner.
posted by a young man in spats at 3:03 PM on September 16, 2008

I can't believe that a G-d of deliciousness would outlaw bacon. Now THAT is some hypocrisy.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:03 PM on September 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

God told me all about the Big Bang. But he used big words I didn't understand.
posted by tkchrist at 3:10 PM on September 16, 2008

I'll have the turkey club, God on the side.
posted by clearly at 3:17 PM on September 16, 2008

Tomorrow, I hope to visit Metafilter to discover someone has made a post containing two old links on a topic such as abortion, gun control, etc., and someone else calls it out on Metatalk and it's deleted. I like consistency and routine.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 3:26 PM on September 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh, that Down Syndrome one wasn't deleted. There goes my hope of a Metafilter Groundhog Day.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 3:28 PM on September 16, 2008

I am a bit curious about the policy of removing comments. Like, how offensive or recalcitrant does one have to be to get an email from the mod squad? Because if I ever did I'd frame it. And I'd get one of those lamps that shines beatific golden lumens upon it like talc on a infant's bottom, and over time see that it took on the patina of a fine gilded goblet, the sort that a wild, bearded Visigoth used to both drink from and bash his enemies skull in with.
posted by docpops at 3:29 PM on September 16, 2008

By now he stinketh.
posted by stubby phillips at 3:35 PM on September 16, 2008

I am a bit curious about the policy of removing comments.

Most of the time we just delete the comment and shake our fist in your general direction. Email is only if we think you might not have understood what we meant. Quoting someone's MeMail [if that's what you're referring to] is pretty much a delete-first-ask-questions-later situation.
posted by jessamyn at 3:36 PM on September 16, 2008

Quoting someone's MeMail ...is pretty much a delete-first-ask-questions-later situation.

Then stop telling me where you buried the bodies!!!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:54 PM on September 16, 2008

Quoting someone's SheMale is pretty much a delete on a first-come first-severed basis.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:57 PM on September 16, 2008

If y'all don't stop badmouthing beets I'm going to burn you at the stake. And then the steak. Because steak and beets sounds awesome.

Fuckers.
posted by stet at 4:20 PM on September 16, 2008

What I believe you are trying to say, stet, unless I am mistaken, is

LIKE BEETS
posted by Sys Rq at 4:25 PM on September 16, 2008

Sounds crazy but I like to saute some crushed Macadamia nuts in butter with a sprinkle of brown sugar. Then use that as a glaze over steamed beets and carrots. Squeeze a wedge of lemon and God to garnish.

Mmmmmm. YOU WILL LOVE IT.
posted by tkchrist at 4:40 PM on September 16, 2008

I don't like the idea of god as a garnish, otherwise that sounds tasty.
posted by jessamyn at 4:51 PM on September 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

God is a concept by which we measure our pain.

Six inch or footlong.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 5:23 PM on September 16, 2008

Spreading the delicious word all over that bagel since Olden Times™.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:52 PM on September 16, 2008

If God is everything, then God is all sandwiches

Excuse me, but I think I remember my gastronomical catechism.

Seraphim: roast turkey with pear and brie.
Cherubim: Montreal smoked meat.
Thrones: smoked salmon, capers, cream cheese. On pumpernickel.
Dominions: club.
Virtues: chicken guacamole.
Powers: BLT.
Principalities: pulled chipolte beef.
Archangels: grilled veg.
Angels? Grilled cheese.

And God? God? God is a Reuben.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:11 PM on September 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

And God? God? God is a Reuben.

Reubens and Rachels -- especially at the Stage Deli (New York, NY) and Rein's Deli (Vernon, CT)!
posted by ericb at 6:23 PM on September 16, 2008

Religion is so fragile it can't even take a little MeFi post.
posted by telstar at 6:42 PM on September 16, 2008

No, metafilter (as community and place of quality links, not as HTML and java and whatnot) is so fragile that it can eventually be broken by shitty posts.
posted by Snyder at 7:23 PM on September 16, 2008

I am absolutely NOT asking to have my MeMail comment posted here. That said, I have no problem with it being posted, either.
posted by grumblebee at 7:40 PM on September 16, 2008

I don't like the idea of god as a garnish,

It's awesome. Gives it that extra BAM!
posted by tkchrist at 7:51 PM on September 16, 2008

The post was poorly worded, and why focus on Christians anyway? Jews and Muslims are every bit as nuts. That said, the Times article (which was from today, Sept 16 2008) was pretty interesting, with far reaching implications in, say, the current US lurch towards theocracy. If your ruler does things that he says are based on his "faith" (sound familiar?), are you to take him seriously? And if his "faith" proves to be a poor method of framing the duties of government, what recourse is there? You can't vote on what his god is telling him. And besides, what if said ruler is bullshitting all the way down the line, doesn't actually believe what he says he believes?

I like the approach many other prosperous first-world countries take, that is treat religion as quaint relic, and treat religious types who want to rule us with the derision they deserve.

I think the poster should try again, this time with a few more links and polish the wording a bit. A quality post is possible here.
posted by telstar at 8:28 PM on September 16, 2008

I can't believe that a G-d of deliciousness would outlaw bacon. Now THAT is some hypocrisy.

Think it through, YHWH forbade the eating of delicious bacon...for mankind. He wants it all for Himself.

But don't despair. Sometimes he shares.
posted by felix betachat at 8:50 PM on September 16, 2008

I don't like the idea of god as a garnish, otherwise that sounds tasty.

But it is a loving garnish!





Except for when it's a vengeful garnish.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:27 PM on September 16, 2008

When I stopped tithing, God garnished my wages.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:45 AM on September 17, 2008 [1 favorite]

God is coffee. Javascript is heresy.
posted by cortex at 8:00 AM on September 17, 2008

"Jesus, that sandwich was great!"

Is he staying with you now? I found him to be a bit tiresome as a house-guest.
posted by quin at 8:06 AM on September 17, 2008

"And God? God? God is a Reuben."

Tempeh Reubens, I assume, the anti-christ. Delicious anti-christ.
posted by klangklangston at 8:45 AM on September 17, 2008

Sweet zombie Jesus, klangklangston. I'd heard of tempeh before but didn't know what it was. So I looked it up on wikipedia.

A hideous crossbreeding of mushrooms and tofu?

I may not be able to eat for.... minutes.
posted by mephron at 8:54 AM on September 17, 2008

and I asked God, "Lord, but what about when I looked at my sandwich and there was no garnish?" and the Lord said "That is when I garnished you."
posted by shmegegge at 9:12 AM on September 17, 2008 [3 favorites]

When I read the expression 'garnish wages', I think of my paycheck with a radish on it.
posted by lukemeister at 9:39 AM on September 17, 2008

Even better, the term "garnished salary."
posted by klangklangston at 10:12 AM on September 17, 2008 [2 favorites]