rant at 11

March 10, 2009 2:31 PM

It's lazy, it's snarky, it's the smug, knowing older brother of "meh," and half of you are getting it wrong. News at 11.

It's FILM AT 11, morans. We get it -- you saw it coming, you're shocked!, you've been there, you've done that, you're bored to tears. If you really need for us to understand how foolish we are to stare slackjawed at whatever you're dismissing, at least take the time to get the cliche right.

If I'm a local anchor, and I tease a story by giving you the headline, I'm not going to end with "News at 11" -- I just told you the news. What I'm teasing is the film, which I have NOT shown you. FILM AT 11.

Christ.

posted by stupidsexyFlanders to Etiquette/Policy at 2:31 PM (229 comments total)

The dial on how bad you should feel for posting this goes to eleven.
posted by GuyZero at 2:33 PM on March 10, 2009 [11 favorites]

I think somebody needs a hug.
posted by adamrice at 2:33 PM on March 10, 2009

Wait, so is the "film" a video about the topic that the anchor has just advertised, or is it some other film that's going to play after the news? I've never quite understood.
posted by roll truck roll at 2:35 PM on March 10, 2009

I think somebody needs to get laid.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:35 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Flavor flav says "More news at 11", and I'll take his word for it...
posted by blind.wombat at 2:37 PM on March 10, 2009

It refers to the full news story...
posted by cranberrymonger at 2:37 PM on March 10, 2009

Sometimes they tease the story during commercial breaks in earlier shows... "What was found in tri state area school lunches?" "News at 11!" Then you watch the news and it's like...OH NOES Peanuts or something.
posted by sweetkid at 2:38 PM on March 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

I'd give this rant about an 8.5. It was technically brilliant, and you nailed the landing, but I just wasn't feeling you, dog. Pack your knives and leave the Island: Your rage is fired.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:38 PM on March 10, 2009 [6 favorites]

I came in to cite Flavor Flav as well.
posted by KAS at 2:38 PM on March 10, 2009

"News at 11" with the first-round TKO.
posted by dersins at 2:39 PM on March 10, 2009

Some links: Film at 11 (wikipedia) and News at 11 (urbandictionary)
posted by yeoz at 2:40 PM on March 10, 2009

Except now it's digital video at eleven, and before that it should have been video at eleven. It hasn't been film since the 60s. More at 11 on Dateline... to stop a pedant.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:42 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

see also :

eponysterical
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 Profit!
welcome our new X overlords
taters
(linking to something you said 2 years ago that I'm still mad about, in order to prove a point)
the.
metafilter :
people who use the strike tag should choke on their own vomit FTFY
your favorite x sucks
not -ist
You think my [obnoxious argumentation tactic] is bad? Well, what about all the people suffering because of [controversial social issue]?

I generally try to tune this stuff out, otherwise I'd probably have to leave and never come back.
posted by Afroblanco at 2:42 PM on March 10, 2009 [24 favorites]

Taters!
posted by cgc373 at 2:44 PM on March 10, 2009

Daylight Savings Time Hits Metatalk: Film at 12.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:44 PM on March 10, 2009 [10 favorites]

Dang.
posted by cgc373 at 2:45 PM on March 10, 2009

You had me at "Christ."
posted by shmegegge at 2:45 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

oh yeah, and let us never forget

Long, ranty blockquote that I actually expect you to read for some reason

posted by Afroblanco at 2:45 PM on March 10, 2009

Also, where I'm from (real America), the news is on at 10:00 PM, not 11:00 PM. To be accurate, you should say film at 11 (10 central). GET IT RIGHT PEOPLE!
posted by burnmp3s at 2:47 PM on March 10, 2009 [8 favorites]

crazysexyflanders.
posted by David Fleming at 2:47 PM on March 10, 2009

I got this wrong recently (in email) and was mortified. But, see, here some channels will interrupt a film for half an hour of news (in which there aren't teasers for footage, only a recap at the end of headlines), and the other way just won't fit in my brain.

But everyone loves a pe(n)dant, so carry on.
posted by carbide at 2:47 PM on March 10, 2009

Speaking as someone who apparently violated this rule today, I can only say: Meh.
posted by mudpuppie at 2:49 PM on March 10, 2009

what
posted by dersins at 2:51 PM on March 10, 2009

Rant on March 11.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:51 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Wow, if you really want to see the humor sucked out of something, read this wikipedia article about the idiom "Film at 11"

However, it mentions Kentucky Fried Movie which filled me with as much glee as the original post with of bile.

For extra fun, type in "News at 11" in Wikipedia. Guess where it re-directs you?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:52 PM on March 10, 2009

Is mindlessly quoting the Simpsons still okay, though? I hope so.

I'm Kent Brockman. On the eleven o'clock news tonight, a certain type of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Sonny Storm.
posted by Skot at 2:53 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

Snuggle puppies.

goddam I love it when you guys give me another reason to sneak that in there

sweater stuffers
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:53 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

(If that's snarky, smug, and knowing, so be it.)
posted by longsleeves at 2:53 PM on March 10, 2009

Couldn't you have just MeMailed everyone on the site instead of making this stupid thread?
posted by shakespeherian at 2:53 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

/me dials StupidSexyFlanders' phone number.
posted by jamaro at 2:55 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is why we can't have nice things?
posted by Brak at 2:55 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Did you need me for something? No?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:56 PM on March 10, 2009 [9 favorites]

Lipstick on a pig
posted by Burhanistan at 3:05 PM on March 10, 2009

I just go to drudgereport. Why wait?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:06 PM on March 10, 2009

I just go to drudgereport.

Of course you do.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:08 PM on March 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

Film at 10.
(Mountain time.)
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 3:09 PM on March 10, 2009

Is this something I'd need a TV to understand?
posted by carsonb at 3:12 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's FILM AT 11

maybe to you, Grandpa.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 3:12 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is an awfully nice lawn, grandpa.
posted by loquacious at 3:13 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

I took the liberty of tightening up Afroblanco's rantfilter from upthread.

Step 1: eponysterical
Step 2: welcome our new plate of bean overlords
Step 3: Profit!

(linking to something you said 4 months ago that I'm still mad about, in order to prove a point)
.
metafilter:people who use the strike tag should choke on their own vomit FTFY

I'm (not metaist), but if you think my your favorite x sucks is bad? Well, what about all the people suffering because of taters?
posted by jefeweiss at 3:14 PM on March 10, 2009 [8 favorites]

I went looking for some video evidence either way, but I ran into a detour: apparently WEWS in Cleveland has run a series of ads over the year based on a song that encourages viewers to "catch 5."

70s psychedelic version
80s passionate female singer version
80s happiness-and-light version

Sadly, they seemed to have adopted the slogan "give me 5" in the 90s. But at least they recorded a new song about it.

The most recent promo seems to have dropped the concept of a theme song. Alas
posted by Xalf at 3:15 PM on March 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

I've decided to read every MeTa rant with the mental picture of the poster wearing a snuggie. Somehow, it just takes the "spittle violently flying at keyboard" level down a bit. (see also: comic book guy voice.)
posted by Rhomboid at 3:20 PM on March 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

I object to the lumping of eponysterical into this mix. "Eponysterical" is, to the very best of my understanding, the brilliant invention of scarabic and NOT, like all of these other things, tired memes trucked in from elsewhere. I also don't understand eponysterical to be a hipper-than-thou expression of ironic detachment. Not to say it hasn't been overused a touch.
posted by kosem at 3:26 PM on March 10, 2009

Pictures at 11
posted by sageleaf at 3:30 PM on March 10, 2009

Of course we always have a healthy stock of Corn Flakes too which brings me to my point.
posted by Dumsnill at 3:34 PM on March 10, 2009

I can't give s.s.f. a hug. But I can give them a link to this.
posted by Joe Beese at 3:35 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

I object to the lumping of eponysterical into this mix.

There are wittier ways of pointing out a correlation between someone's username and their post/comment, than simply saying, "eponysterical!".
posted by gman at 3:43 PM on March 10, 2009

I like 11. If you look at it right, it looks like nunchuks.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:45 PM on March 10, 2009

Is mindlessly quoting the Simpsons still okay, though? I hope so.

What about Arrested Development? Because when it comes to flaming there's always "You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it." (or you know... anything that Tobias says).
posted by bjrn at 3:48 PM on March 10, 2009

What's the signal to noise ratio these days?
posted by dios at 3:48 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I HOPE YOU LEFT ENOUGH ROOM FOR MY SCHWARZENEGGER REFERENCE BECAUSE I'M GOING TO RAM IT INTO YOUR DISCUSSION
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:51 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

OW MY DISCUSSION HURTS NOW
posted by cgc373 at 3:54 PM on March 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

I've never heard it called "your discussion" before.
posted by waraw at 3:54 PM on March 10, 2009

There are wittier ways of pointing out a correlation between someone's username and their post/comment, than simply saying, "eponysterical!".

No doubt, and I also find its repeated use annoying. Maybe my defensiveness about it is misplaced because it's homegrown. A shame, however, that such a clever construction has been brought low--lumped together with various Simpsons' quotes and underpants gnomisms.
posted by kosem at 3:55 PM on March 10, 2009

This is the best of the web. Amirite?
posted by Joe Beese at 3:56 PM on March 10, 2009

I thinks not, Joe Beese. I thinks not.
posted by kosem at 3:57 PM on March 10, 2009

☯
posted by Meatbomb at 3:57 PM on March 10, 2009 [7 favorites]

MORE DISCUSSION FOR THE PUSHIN', WARAW!
posted by cgc373 at 3:58 PM on March 10, 2009

What's the signal to noise ratio these days?

It's the general ratio of meaningful contributions to a discussion, to contributions that are meaningless. But that's not important right now.
posted by Brak at 4:06 PM on March 10, 2009 [7 favorites]

I've decided to read every MeTa rant with the mental picture of the poster wearing a snuggie.

You'd be better served imagining the rants delivered via a Maori Hakka.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:11 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Guy on website freaks out about nothing. News at 11.
posted by DU at 4:12 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

I always thought it was "kiln at 11," and it only just now struck me how odd that is. I leave you now with a question:

What about Poland?
posted by Mister_A at 4:18 PM on March 10, 2009

Afroblanco, you know who else made lists?

Please add that.
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:20 PM on March 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

There are wittier ways of pointing out a correlation between someone's username and their post/comment, than simply saying, "eponysterical!".

Just remember that correlation != causation.
posted by bjrn at 4:24 PM on March 10, 2009

"Eponysterical" is, to the very best of my understanding, the brilliant invention of scarabic and NOT, like all of these other things, tired memes trucked in from elsewhere

Oh yes it is. It is BOTH a brilliant invention of scarabic AND beaten to death.

(That said, I really had to restrain myself from the AskMe where the guy saying the paranoid schizo should be left alone and probably just needs vitamins is called "watercarrier.")
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:25 PM on March 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

Hitler?
posted by klangklangston at 4:28 PM on March 10, 2009

Neither tater or "metafilter:" were trucked in from elsewhere. Not that there's any joke-miles restriction on funny anyway. (And all of these are still funny, btw, some of them for reals and some only ironically. Except for x overlords--that's played.)
posted by DU at 4:30 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

joe beese, i like a man who's not afraid to throw a kitten non-sequitur in the mix. *mwah*
posted by CitizenD at 4:37 PM on March 10, 2009

Hitler?

In or aus?
posted by gman at 4:41 PM on March 10, 2009

First aus, then de, but after anchluss it's just academic anyways.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:43 PM on March 10, 2009

THE SLIPPERS STAY ON THE PEDALS!!!
posted by nola at 4:45 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

This Is Just To Say

I have beaten
the dead horse
that was putrefying on
the Internet

and which
you were desperately
trying to resurrect in a failed attempt
to signify belonging

Forgive me
I'm addicted to meme abuse
so easy
and so old
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:46 PM on March 10, 2009 [17 favorites]

We have elevenses.
posted by tellurian at 4:51 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master,
At which the audience never fails to laugh?
posted by box at 4:53 PM on March 10, 2009

These go to 11.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:00 PM on March 10, 2009

*cracks joke*

*places back on shelf*

*whilstles, slowly backs away*
posted by niles at 5:01 PM on March 10, 2009

I have elevensies, but not till after second breakfast.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 5:02 PM on March 10, 2009

Wait, if all of those are now old, we've been through a couple generations of memes.

Does it mean "All your base" is cool again, in a retro kind of way?
posted by qvantamon at 5:02 PM on March 10, 2009

Also,

"Quote of something I totally agree with"

This.

(I actually like eponysterical, but the use of the supersmall font-size to signal an afterthought is annoying, though I do it aplenty)
posted by eclectist at 5:03 PM on March 10, 2009

I see that the background is still red...
posted by sixcolors at 5:20 PM on March 10, 2009

Smile and nod, and if he snaps, maybe he'll spare you.
posted by gman at 5:23 PM on March 10, 2009

GET TO THE CHOPPAH!
posted by clearly at 5:27 PM on March 10, 2009

THE SLIPPERS STAY ON THE PEDALS!!!

My new favorite.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:30 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Christ, what a discussion.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:32 PM on March 10, 2009

WHO'S UP FOR SOME FRESH HOT PLO CHOPS? I KNOW I COULD USE ONE!
posted by eyeballkid at 5:36 PM on March 10, 2009

This is what the fuck MetaTalk is made for, by god. Good on you, SSF.
posted by dirtdirt at 5:37 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

My previous statement was an actual suggestion.
posted by gman at 5:38 PM on March 10, 2009

CLICHÉS. They're everywhere. We use them every day. But could they be bad for you??? We'll answer that and more at eleven.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:41 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

●████▅▅▄▄▄▄▄▄... ..▄▄▄ {¦(¦====¦>
▄▄▅█ Care Tank █▅▄▃▂
████████████████████►
◥☼▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲☼◤
posted by killdevil at 5:50 PM on March 10, 2009 [10 favorites]

It's FILM AT 11, morans

it's "MORONS" moron

unless a moran is sort sort new meme denoting a cliche changing dude who's awesome.

also... News at 11 shits on Film at 11 as a saying.
posted by mattoxic at 5:52 PM on March 10, 2009

Metafilter: It's lazy, it's snarky, it's the smug, knowing older brother of "meh," and half of you are getting it wrong.

Can't believe no-one's already done it....
posted by pompomtom at 5:55 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's FILM AT 11, morans

it's "MORONS" moron

unless a moran is sort sort new meme

It is a meme. Not sort sort new, though.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:57 PM on March 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

I love it when people say something snarky and mean spirited, and then try to play it off by tacking on a cliche.

just sayin'
posted by Afroblanco at 5:58 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

unless a moran is sort sort new meme

It is a meme but it is far from new. Go to any fark thread from the last 5 years or so and I'm sure you'll see this guy.
posted by Rhomboid at 5:59 PM on March 10, 2009

Huh.
posted by maxwelton at 6:07 PM on March 10, 2009

Huh.

QFT.
posted by maxwelton at 6:07 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

You guys are doing it all wrong. It is News at 11 (11:30 in Newfoundland & Labrador).

NOT NEWFOUNDLAND&LABRADORIST
posted by never used baby shoes at 6:07 PM on March 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

Huh.

QFT.

This.
posted by maxwelton at 6:07 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

Huh.

QFT.

This.

what
posted by maxwelton at 6:08 PM on March 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

IT'S A LONG WAY
TO THE SHOP
IF YOU WANT A SAUSAGE ROLL
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:09 PM on March 10, 2009

Who here likes pancakes? I love pancakes.
posted by Rhomboid at 6:18 PM on March 10, 2009

Gratification is immediate if you roll your own sausage, doubly so if you wrap it in a fresh homemade pancake.
posted by Science! at 6:19 PM on March 10, 2009

It is News at 11 (11:30 in Newfoundland & Labrador).

If they say that, they're wrong. Labrador is Atlantic Time.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:19 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

If I'm a local anchor, and I tease a story by giving you the headline, I'm not going to end with "News at 11"
WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 6:21 PM on March 10, 2009

It hasn't been film since the 60s.

Perhaps, but answer me this: When news was shot on 16mm (well into the 70's BTW) the special film stock had a magnetic stripe printed right on the side of the emulsion, so it wouldn't have to be laboriously synced as it was rushed through processing and onto air. The audio would be in sync, but since the record head was offset, the quickie tape splices would cause the sound to cut to the next scene a little after the image.

With current news footage I still see the same delay on the audio, or the audio cuts out right before the end of the clip, just like it did back in the day. Is some kind of antique affectation, like Ye Olde News Reporting, or what?
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:22 PM on March 10, 2009

In the presence of an incipient derail, it's easy to misread Pancreas as Pancake. FYI.
posted by cgc373 at 6:23 PM on March 10, 2009

It is a meme. Not sort sort new, though.

Well fuck, really?
posted by mattoxic at 6:27 PM on March 10, 2009

It's neither. It's "After the game."
posted by Zambrano at 6:27 PM on March 10, 2009

Which is actually why I chose it. There's a pancake house (Kettle, which used to be Sambo's) where I used to live, and I would stare at the sign, PANCAKES, and realized with a little effort, I could change the sign so they would be serving up stacks of hot, buttery pancreas.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 6:28 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I haven't been here for like a year - and I see nothing has changed.

Way to tackle the important issues.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 6:28 PM on March 10, 2009

Oh Shit. Farrow's here. Back to the Darfur thread everyone.
posted by CunningLinguist at 6:29 PM on March 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

I see that the background is still red...

So this would be something you're going to keep rolling out, uh, periodically?
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:30 PM on March 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

It's FILM AT 11, morans.

Were you spelling "morons" wrong ironically, or just regular wrong?
posted by EatTheWeak at 6:33 PM on March 10, 2009

IT'S A FULL MOON TODAY CORTEX DONCHA KNOW
posted by cgc373 at 6:34 PM on March 10, 2009

anybody else watching american idol?

uh, what's gordon ramsay doing there?
posted by needled at 6:36 PM on March 10, 2009

Well fuck, really?

Yes.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:38 PM on March 10, 2009

Pictures at an exhibition at 11.
posted by jbickers at 6:41 PM on March 10, 2009

anybody else watching american idol?

uh, what's gordon ramsay doing there?

The backstroke.
posted by jbickers at 6:41 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Huh.

QFT.

This.

what

FTFY
posted by armage at 6:43 PM on March 10, 2009

Book him, Danno. Murder One.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:44 PM on March 10, 2009

OMG DID YOU SEE HE SPELT MORONS RONG!
posted by eyeballkid at 6:45 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I would pay cash money for someone to dig up a citation from an widely respected source showing that "moran" is, if not an alternate spelling for "moron" used at least on a limited basis, at least an accepted spelling of some other word in the Englishishy branches of Germanic languages that means about the same as "moron".

But that's just cause I love the hell out of the Cardinals.
posted by Science! at 6:51 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Da ist ein Meme-fisch in mein hosen, hündinnen!
posted by Mister_A at 6:55 PM on March 10, 2009

There's probably a Greasemonkey script for that.
posted by Pronoiac at 6:57 PM on March 10, 2009

Personally I'm curious as to the origins of the phrase "I would pay cash money" used in relation to some impossible feat. When did it originate? When did it achieve wide usage?
posted by needled at 6:58 PM on March 10, 2009

Hündinnen is the best Gërman wörd evër. Thar she blows.
posted by Mister_A at 6:59 PM on March 10, 2009

I'm not wearing any pants.

Film at 11.
posted by Reverend John at 7:03 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Effing coasties can kiss my large, pale, midwester ass.

It's News at *10*.
posted by eriko at 7:06 PM on March 10, 2009

Personally I'm curious as to the origins of the phrase "I would pay cash money" used in relation to some impossible feat. When did it originate? When did it achieve wide usage?

The origins of the phrase are at least six thousand years old, when it was first discovered that it was not in fact impossible to purchase the same services as were available for 20 dollars in town.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:10 PM on March 10, 2009 [3 favorites]

wow, what an embarrassing call out. condescension, anger and (alcohol?) don't mix well, at eleven, or any hour.
posted by caddis at 7:11 PM on March 10, 2009

The crazy thing is that it's never 11 o'clock, simultaneously, on both coasts.
posted by Tube at 7:12 PM on March 10, 2009

I had a cocktail today that involved pecan-fused bourbon. And another one that involved elderflower liquer. I also traded tastless jokes about dead movie stars with a punk band from Vegas. I also ran into two guys I knew in high school.
posted by jonmc at 7:13 PM on March 10, 2009

Do you have fish. In your pants?

Investigative Reports brings you the full story at 11 (10 Central and Mountain).
posted by rtha at 7:13 PM on March 10, 2009

Jesus, what an ass. Did i get that rite?
posted by ALongDecember at 7:14 PM on March 10, 2009

I think it's "Christ, what a Jesus."
posted by adamrice at 7:27 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

If they say that, they're wrong. Labrador is Atlantic Time.

That's what happens when a Western Canadian boy tries to make with the funny about Atlantic Canada.
posted by never used baby shoes at 7:28 PM on March 10, 2009

The crazy thing is that it's never 11 o'clock, simultaneously, on both coasts.

What on earth are you talking about? There's only one coast!
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:31 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

damn, i always forget Tasmania.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:32 PM on March 10, 2009

A couple of guys were loitering at the gates of Nazareth a couple of thousand years ago.

One nudges the other, and says "Man, did you see the babe on that ass?"
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:37 PM on March 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

... and so on.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 7:41 PM on March 10, 2009

Yep, that's quite a treaty you got there.
posted by ALongDecember at 7:48 PM on March 10, 2009

Dude. Bad etiquette.

Everybody knows that you're supposed to use BLOCKQUOTE tags when posting something long and annoying that nobody will read.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:49 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

XLVIV.

That should the most Serene and most Puissant Prince and Lord, Ferdinand the Second, of famous Memory, elected Roman Emperor, always August, King of Germany, Hungary, Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Arch-Duke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Marquiss of Moravia, Duke of Luxemburgh, the Higher and Lower Silesia, of Wirtemburg and Teck, Prince of Suabia, Count of Hapsburg, Tirol, Kyburg and Goritia, Marquiss of the Sacred Roman Empire, Lord of Burgovia, of the Higher and Lower Lusace, of the Marquisate of Slavonia, of Port Naon and Salines, ever use a carriage as a means of locomotion within the Holy Roman Empire, and, insoforth as using said carriage as means of locomotion within the Holy Roman Empire wears any form of shoe or footwear that does not cover neither heel or toes, SAID FOOTWEAR SHALL STAY IN THE CARRIAGE.
posted by qvantamon at 7:52 PM on March 10, 2009

"Next on NEWS AT 11: Are you too cool to say 'meh'?"
posted by ob at 7:54 PM on March 10, 2009

Huh? Did someone say something?
posted by Afroblanco at 7:55 PM on March 10, 2009

Who knew it just cuts you off like that... lesson learned.
posted by gman at 8:05 PM on March 10, 2009

Alright, is it just my screen or is everything now italicized, including the 'posted by'?
posted by gman at 8:11 PM on March 10, 2009

Peace Treaty between the Holy Roman Emperor and
the King of France and their respective Allies.

In the name of the most holy and individual Trinity: Be it known to all, and every one whom it may concern, or to whom in any manner it may belong, That for many Years past, Discords and Civil Divisions being stir'd up in the Roman Empire, which increas'd to such a degree, that not only all Germany, but also the neighbouring Kingdoms, and France particularly, have been involv'd in the Disorders of a long and cruel War when a couple of guys who were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, she said you're moving with your aunty and uncle to Bel Air.
posted by lunit at 8:12 PM on March 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

Dammit, with all the Westphalia-ing going on, no one's ever going to see my funny little anecdote, which I'm going to tell anyway.

I think it's "Christ, what a Jesus."

When my brother was a kid, say four, back in the early 60s, he and my mom were riding the train from Texas to Chicago. She was carrying him through one of the train cars when they passed a nun, habit and all.

"Mama," my brother asked in a voice that, to this day, is much louder and drawlier than it needs to be. "Is that a Jesus back there?"

Okay, you can go back to pasting your treaties now.
posted by mudpuppie at 8:15 PM on March 10, 2009

[/em] should have gone right after the first Jesus. Um, sorry. Film at 11.
posted by mudpuppie at 8:16 PM on March 10, 2009

You broke it, you broke it!

/singsongy
posted by Afroblanco at 8:18 PM on March 10, 2009

Ah! Wasn't me!

No film at 11 after all.
posted by mudpuppie at 8:18 PM on March 10, 2009

Shadowpuppets at 11.
posted by Afroblanco at 8:22 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

It all looks normal if you tilt the laptop 15 degrees to the left.
posted by mudpuppie at 8:24 PM on March 10, 2009

Oh, for fuck's sake.
posted by desuetude at 8:25 PM on March 10, 2009

test
test
posted by archagon at 8:29 PM on March 10, 2009

test
posted by archagon at 8:30 PM on March 10, 2009

I FIXED IT YAY YAY
posted by archagon at 8:30 PM on March 10, 2009

Everbody's acid kicked in?
posted by gman at 8:30 PM on March 10, 2009

How the?
posted by gman at 8:31 PM on March 10, 2009

HI! DON'T FUCKING POST THE WHOLE TREATY OF WESTPHALIA! THANKS!
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:32 PM on March 10, 2009 [8 favorites]

I'm kinda dizzy now. Is everything still all italicized? It is, right guys?

Guys?
posted by rtha at 8:33 PM on March 10, 2009

What's all this fuss I keep hearing about violins on television? Why don't parents want their kids to see violins on television? I thought the Leonardo Bernstein concerts were just lovely, now, if they only show violins on television after ten o'clock at night, the little babies will all be asleep and they won't learn any music appreciation. They'll learn to play guitars, and bongo drums and go to Africa and join these rock'n roll outfits and they won't drink milk! I think there should be more violins on television and less game shows.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:38 PM on March 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

Hündinnen is the best Gërman wörd evër.

Incorrect. It's ausgeflippt.
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:39 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

HI! DON'T FUCKING POST THE WHOLE TREATY OF WESTPHALIA! THANKS!

Only on Metafilter...... only on Metafilter.
posted by Afroblanco at 8:40 PM on March 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

I had a cocktail today that involved pecan-fused bourbon. And another one that involved elderflower liquer.

jonmc has turned gay. Film at 11 (NSFW).
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:41 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

KO WIKITORIA te Kuini o Ingarani i tana mahara atawai ki nga Rangatira me nga Hapu o Nu Tirani i tana hiahia hoki kia tohungia ki a ratou o ratou rangatiratanga me to ratou wenua, a kia mau tonu hoki te Rongo ki a ratou me te Atanoho hoki kua wakaaro ia he mea tika kia tukua mai tetahi Rangatira – hei kai wakarite ki nga Tangata maori o Nu Tirani – kia wakaaetia e nga Rangatira Maori te Kawanatanga o te Kuini ki nga wahikatoa o te wenua nei me nga motu – na te mea hoki he tokomaha ke nga tangata o tona Iwi Kua noho ki tenei wenua, a e haere mai nei.

Na ko te Kuini e hiahia ana kia wakaritea te Kawanatanga kia kaua ai nga kino e puta mai ki te tangata Maori ki te Pakeha e noho ture kore ana.

Na kua pai te Kuini kia tukua a hau a Wiremu Hopihona he Kapitana i te Roiara Nawi hei Kawana mo nga wahi katoa o Nu Tirani e tukua aianei amua atu ki te Kuini, e mea atu ana ia ki nga Rangatira o te wakaminenga o nga hapu o Nu Tirani me era Rangatira atu enei ture ka korerotia nei.

Ko te tuatahi
Ko nga Rangatira o te wakaminenga me nga Rangatira katoa hoki ki hai i uru ki taua wakaminenga ka tuku rawa atu ki te Kuini o Ingarani ake tonu atu – te Kawanatanga katoa o o ratou wenua.

Ko te tuarua
Ko te Kuini o Ingarani ka wakarite ka wakaae ki nga Rangitira ki nga hapu – ki nga tangata katoa o Nu Tirani te tino rangatiratanga o o ratou wenua o ratou kainga me o ratou taonga katoa. Otiia ko nga Rangatira o te wakaminenga me nga Rangatira katoa atu ka tuku ki te Kuini te hokonga o era wahi wenua e pai ai te tangata nona te Wenua – ki te ritenga o te utu e wakaritea ai e ratou ko te kai hoko e meatia nei e te Kuini hei kai hoko mona.

Ko te tuatoro
Hei wakaritenga mai hoki tenei mo te wakaaetanga ki te Kawanatanga o te Kuini – Ka tiakina e te Kuini o Ingarani nga tangata maori katoa o Nu Tirani ka tukua ki a ratou nga tikanga katoa rite tahi ki ana mea ki nga tangata o Ingarani.

(signed) William Hobson, Consul and Lieutenant-Governor.

Na ko matou ko nga Rangatira o te Wakaminenga o nga hapu o Nu Tirani ka huihui nei ki Waitangi ko matou hoki ko nga Rangatira o Nu Tirani ka kite nei i te ritenga o enei kupu, ka tangohia ka wakaaetia katoatia e matou, koia ka tohungia ai o matou ingoa o matou tohu.

Ka meatia tenei ki Waitangi i te ono o nga ra o Pepueri i te tau kotahi mano, e waru rau e wa te kau o to tatou Ariki.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:44 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hitler?

No. Chuck Norris.
(March 13 at 5 p.m. ET, 4 p.m. CT and 2 p.m. PST)

Soo, it'll be at 11:00am in Hawaii.
posted by lysdexic at 8:45 PM on March 10, 2009

And don't forget, it's Christmas in July in Japan.
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:48 PM on March 10, 2009

Remember that former boy scout who messed up his face trying to extract radioactive material from smoke detectors to do mad science experiments?

Just askin'.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:50 PM on March 10, 2009

You know, UbuRoivas, when you and others (I'm looking at YOU, languagehat!) post in other languages, could you at least point to a translator that I can use? Or should I just make this an askme? Dear hive-mind: what are the bestest translator pages to use when someone posts gobbldegook in a thread?
posted by lysdexic at 8:50 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

that was the Treaty of Waitangi in Maori. the English translation is available here
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:54 PM on March 10, 2009

UbuRoivas, I assumed you were going eponysterical quoting Hugo Ball.

gadji beri bimba glandridi laula lonni cadori
gadjama gramma berida bimbala glandri galassassa laulitalomini
gadji beri bin blassa glassala laula lonni cadorsu sassala bim
gadjama tuffm i zimzalla binban gligla wowolimai bin beri ban
o katalominai rhinozerossola hopsamen laulitalomini hoooo
gadjama rhinozerossola hopsamen
bluku terullala blaulala loooo

zimzim urullala zimzim urullala zimzim zanzibar zimzalla zam
elifantolim brussala bulomen brussala bulomen tromtata
velo da bang band affalo purzamai affalo purzamai lengado tor
gadjama bimbalo glandridi glassala zingtata pimpalo ögrögöööö
viola laxato viola zimbrabim viola uli paluji malooo

tuffm im zimbrabim negramai bumbalo negramai bumbalo tuffm i zim
gadjama bimbala oo beri gadjama gaga di gadjama affalo pinx
gaga di bumbalo bumbalo gadjamen
gaga di bling blong
gaga blung
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:58 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

egads: "You give Us everything and we'll let you live. Maybe." "Ok"

Guess it pays to have a flag
posted by lysdexic at 9:03 PM on March 10, 2009

Flagged as "lysdexic."
posted by cgc373 at 9:16 PM on March 10, 2009

Whee! I am a flag!
posted by lysdexic at 9:20 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

To my mind, the best finest German word evah is:

geschwindigkeitsbegrensung.

That is all.
posted by Lynsey at 9:35 PM on March 10, 2009

There are few things that bring me such glee as the Treaty of Westphalia meme. Also, hat tip to lunit for Bel Airing the Treaty of Westphalia.
posted by Kattullus at 9:44 PM on March 10, 2009

This is a meme? Could somebody please explain?
posted by Afroblanco at 10:00 PM on March 10, 2009

Sorry but, Donaudampfschiffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft (something about a meat labelling law) wins.
posted by tellurian at 10:00 PM on March 10, 2009

Scratch that meaning, apparently it's about a steamboat captain or something. Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz is the meat labelling one.
posted by tellurian at 10:05 PM on March 10, 2009

This is a meme? Could somebody please explain?

MetaFilter Wiki explains all.
posted by ALongDecember at 10:41 PM on March 10, 2009

Uburoivas just Hobsoned this thread!
posted by Catch at 10:43 PM on March 10, 2009

metafilter: DON'T FUCKING POST THE WHOLE TREATY OF WESTPHALIA!

metafilter: something about a meat labeling law

ALSO:

Your favorite callout sucks

You do realize that you have created a new meme and it will be "News at 11, morans" forever, right?
posted by SteveTheRed at 10:51 PM on March 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Is "film at 11" ambiguous for those on the International date line?
posted by Tube at 11:43 PM on March 10, 2009

tl;dr
posted by Elmore at 12:36 AM on March 11, 2009

NO WAI? I MISS TREATY OF WESTPHALIA HOT ACTION WHILE I IZ SLEEPING?????
posted by Meatbomb at 1:40 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Also what's up with posting the word "This" on a line by itself to somehow mean like "This is important" or "this should be repeated" or whatever. Irritating as hell.

GET OFF MAH LAWN.
posted by delmoi at 2:01 AM on March 11, 2009

The Treaty of Westphalia: my friend show me, i show metafilter. why no?
posted by pompomtom at 2:28 AM on March 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

Zippity BOP™!
posted by cgc373 at 3:21 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Soo, it'll be at 11:00am in Hawaii.

No wai! Beijing (DST only).
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:26 AM on March 11, 2009

There are wittier ways of pointing out a correlation between someone's username and their post/comment, than simply saying, "eponysterical!".

And god forbid that anyone should point out a correlation between someone's username and their post/comment without being witty about it.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:16 AM on March 11, 2009

I came in to cite Flavor Flav as well.

First they came to cite Flavor Flav, and I didn't speak up because I had no groove.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:57 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Morans.
posted by steef at 6:12 AM on March 11, 2009

GET OFF MAH LAWN.


this


I'm sorry, it had to be done. Well, I'm not that sorry.
posted by lysdexic at 6:29 AM on March 11, 2009

GET OFF MAH LAWN.

Tell you, though, if he was gonna spell "my" as "mah", he shoulda spelled "get" as "git".
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:40 AM on March 11, 2009

I come not to cite Flavor Flav, but to bury him.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:41 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

I come to bury Flavor, not to cite him;
the watches that men wear tick after them...
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:07 AM on March 11, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh, hi, Chrysostom.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:08 AM on March 11, 2009

I desperately want to see a Flavor Flav/Flavor Aid cross promotion.
posted by owtytrof at 7:23 AM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Here goes:

Metafilter: That's where I'm a tater!

Do I win at the interwebs?
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:31 AM on March 11, 2009

Everybody hold on, I'm turning this thread into subtitles for a Downfall parody video
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:34 AM on March 11, 2009

BozoBurgerBonanza, you haven't yet won the internet–
But you've qualified for round 4-

***THE LIGHTNING ROUND***
posted by Mister_A at 8:02 AM on March 11, 2009

I am commenting on the Internet.
posted by milquetoast at 8:25 AM on March 11, 2009

jonmc has turned gay. Film at 11 (NSFW).

In your dreams, folks. I just like me some upscale hooch and grub now and again. I'm full of surprises.
posted by jonmc at 9:00 AM on March 11, 2009

CNN, CBC Newsworld, BBC Newsworld and a bunch of all movie channels have destroyed the News at/Film at thing.
posted by juiceCake at 9:39 AM on March 11, 2009

I just like me some upscale hooch and grub now and again.

The tabloids were right, after all. Paparazzi do have candid pictures of you dining in Le Cirque.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:49 AM on March 11, 2009

BP, my man, I never give people shit for enjoying fancy things. I give people shit for insisting on them or acting like babies if they can't have them, etc. A truly well-rounded individual can appreciate both caviar and cognac (not together) or malt liquor and tater tots.
posted by jonmc at 9:57 AM on March 11, 2009

(and the pecan-infused-cocktail (called a Borbonnais Swizzler, served at a bar on east sixth street) was really delicious, tasted kind of like pecan pie with bite)
posted by jonmc at 9:59 AM on March 11, 2009

I was told there was going to be a film.

WHAT THE FUCK INTERNET?
posted by quin at 10:09 AM on March 11, 2009

I've seen better film on teeth! /apologies to Waldorf
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:26 AM on March 11, 2009

What is this "film" you speak of? Does such a thing make a suitable buggywhip or monocle tether?
posted by electroboy at 10:34 AM on March 11, 2009

Tater tots? OMG WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?!??
posted by Mister_A at 10:49 AM on March 11, 2009

The Treaty of Westphalia is so over. The new, hot treaty is the Treaty of Al-Azraq:

This is a noble decree, enjoined by the Exalted Prince, the Heroic, the Most Fortunate, he whose beneficence is hoped for and sought, the Infante Don Alfonso, son of the Exalted King, the Divinely Assisted, the ruler of Aragon, upon the Most Illustrious Vizier, the Noble, the Highest, the Most Eminent, the Most Exalted Abu `Abd Allah ibn Hudhayl--may God honor him!

Wherefore the above mentioned Exalted Prince makes an agreement with him for three years from the present date, which is stated at the end of the decree, that his the Vizier's property and retainers shall remain in his castles, and that the above mentioned Vizier shall give to the above mentioned Exalted Prince two castles, namely Pop and Tarbena, which he shall now hand over to him. The rest of the castles shall remain in the possession of the above mentioned Vizier, namely Castell, Cheroles, Margarida, Alcala, Perpunchent, and Gallinera, until the end of three years. But the above mentioned Vizier shall hand them over to the above mentioned Prince when the three years have expired, except for the castle of Alcala with its revenues and the revenues of the villages of Perpunchent, which shall remain henceforth in the perpetual possession of the above mentioned Vizier and his descendants for the duration of the reign of the Exalted Prince.[...]

(Basis for the little-known historical sitcom A Castle Named Pop.)
posted by languagehat at 11:12 AM on March 11, 2009

This callout would have been much better if you had come up with some pithy way to include the "more inside" in a sentence.
posted by TedW at 11:55 AM on March 11, 2009

The first rule of quoting lines from a movie for your comment is to not quote a line from a movie for your comment.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 1:16 PM on March 11, 2009

languagehat, my office firewall prohibits access to Wikipedia. Would you do me a solid and post the entire text here? I have read the MeFi EULA and it states, more or less, that whatever is not explicitly forbidden is mandatory. I'm pretty sure that's the MeFi EULA, maybe it's a Borges story, I forget. Anyway, please heed my treaty entreaty.
posted by Mister_A at 1:21 PM on March 11, 2009

Who wants to bet that the Vizier takes all of the candles, bedpans, and quill pens from Castell, Cheroles, Margarida, Alcala, Perpunchent, and Gallinera and stashes them in the castle of Alcala?
posted by StickyCarpet at 2:23 PM on March 11, 2009

this rant begs the question. i think.
posted by klanawa at 2:57 PM on March 11, 2009

this rant begs the question. i think.

Every time I see someone make this assertion, they really mean confirmation bias.
posted by TedW at 3:22 PM on March 11, 2009

Who wants to bet that the Vizier takes all of the candles, bedpans, and quill pens from Castell, Cheroles, Margarida, Alcala, Perpunchent, and Gallinera and stashes them in the castle of Alcala?

Not to mention all the 'W's off the keyboards.
posted by blenderfish at 3:35 PM on March 11, 2009

It's FILM AT 11, morans.

Ya. that's how I usually say it but then Hotmail changes some kind of setting on my preview screen and it comes out wrong. Mad? It makes me almost steamed enough to cut off my own hand.
posted by madamjujujive at 5:19 PM on March 11, 2009 [3 favorites]

Ha! Thanks, languagehat. That looks more like a pre-marital agreement and/or wedding vows to me. Guess there weren't any flags
posted by lysdexic at 6:56 PM on March 11, 2009

You can't do anonymizer.com, Mister_A?
posted by lysdexic at 6:58 PM on March 11, 2009

It's neither. It's "After the game."

Which, of course, we all just lost.
posted by deborah at 8:19 PM on March 11, 2009 [1 favorite]

Is this something I'd have to have a computer to understand?
posted by merelyglib at 9:12 AM on March 12, 2009

Have you tried any of the other community weblogs, Ned? They're all pretty much the same...
posted by longsleeves at 2:16 PM on March 12, 2009

... blah, blah, blah, Alcala, Perpunchent, and Gallinera and stashes ...in .... the castle of Alcala?

I blame someone's editor for that.
posted by StickyCarpet at 5:26 PM on March 12, 2009

I don't see that anyone answered StickyCarpet, though it's hard to tell here in the meme forest...

It's called an L-cut, Sticky, and yes, whether it was purposeful at the time, it is now; it pulls the viewer along into the next shot, so that they visual cut doesn't jar them.

It's more common in drama and comedy than news, but you'll occasionally see news cutters do it too -- more feature than spot, but the spot guys are occasionally feeling froggy...
posted by baylink at 10:18 PM on March 12, 2009