Should I get my own blog?

July 22, 2009 6:22 AM

In a FPP, how appropriate is it to post links to something, and then give additional information about the subject from a first hand perspective?

Someone recently sent me a link to a fabulous trailblazing musician, who is completely worthy of a FPP. And I was shocked to realize that I had met this person long after they disappeared from the music scene (their whereabouts had been considered a mystery). Would a posting about this person be kosher? Or should I get my own blog? I have absolutely no hand in any of the links I want to post.

posted by kimdog to Etiquette/Policy at 6:22 AM (70 comments total)

Posting about him/her? I see no problem with it.
Personalizing the story in the main body? Bad idea, almost universally frowned upon.
..in more inside? Borderline okay, but might end up in some "GYOB" derails, depending on the length/gushiness.
..in the first comment? Fine, maybe even a good idea.
posted by Plutor at 6:34 AM on July 22, 2009 [1 favorite]

It would totally be kosher, as long as you keep yourself out of it.
Because I don't know you, your vouching for the guy/gal will mean nothing to me. But if the music is good, and if he/she really was a trailblazing musician then yeah, it would be interesting.

A million years ago I lived in Richmond, Virginia. And there was this kooky little band called, get this, "GWAR" that lived there (I know, I know "Antartica" but really it was the milk factory) and one time I was hanging out with Colette, right? And she was having this big argument with Brockie about... I don't even remember anymore something stupid, and like she was about to torch his house and it was only when I realized she was serious, she really was going to torch his house, that I grabbed her lighter and shoved her back out the door. She could really punch, too...
Y'know?

Shoot for the universal aspects of the story.
posted by From Bklyn at 6:35 AM on July 22, 2009

Plutor nailed it. Leave the actual *post* without it, and jump in with a comment. Whether you want to do this right away, or after some others have had time to test the waters is up to you.
posted by SpiffyRob at 7:06 AM on July 22, 2009

Self-linking isn't the only issue here. Does the musician want their now-personal life publicized?
posted by DU at 7:16 AM on July 22, 2009

It might be good to run the idea by someone else and make sure their idea of MeFi-worthy is the same as your own (esp. re: music, it's pretty easy to get a "your favorite band sucks" reaction. Is there something really interesting about them besides them being a great musician?) If this is someone you've met, it's in thin ice territory, though it's certainly okay to make a good post and then mention in a comment that this is someone you'd met once upon a time. Doing it in the post itself is not a great idea
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:16 AM on July 22, 2009

Folks are pretty much on target above. If you can make an effective post about it that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you know him—if it's a good post that could have been written word-for-word by someone who had never met the dude at all—then you're probably fine, and that's the post you should be putting together.

If answering that produces a somewhat more complicated or mushy internal response, that's moving into what I usually advise people who ask to treat as "err on the side of caution" territory—when in doubt, don't.

But if the post is solid and isn't about you (and it's interestingness without your insider I-know-this-guy knowledge is genuine), it should be fine and you're welcome to talk a little about the insidery stuff once the thread is up and gets its legs under it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:18 AM on July 22, 2009

Thanks for the feedback. I was never intending for my experience to be the body of the post... it's more of an aside that answers the "whatever happened to..." sentiment that some of the links present. Also, it happened long enough ago, that I don't think it would have much effect on the performer's privacy (in fact, that person may be dead). So, cool! I'll throw my two cents in at an opportune time in the comments.
posted by kimdog at 7:45 AM on July 22, 2009

Just to narrow it down a little, was he wearing a caped jumpsuit and a rhinestone belt when you met him? No?

Did Val Kilmer play him in a movie?

Is his middle name Hardin?

Did he ever set a guitar on fire?

Was his record label named after a large gray mammal with a trunk?
posted by FelliniBlank at 10:18 AM on July 22, 2009

Just do it. If it sucks, I promise some uncouth slob will tell you. But now, since it's such a big deal, it *better* be good.

No pressure!
posted by jabberjaw at 12:02 PM on July 22, 2009

Was his record label named after a large gray mammal with a trunk?

If so, then he disappeared for a reason and doesn't want anyone posting anything about him.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 3:20 PM on July 22, 2009

I just did pretty much that same thing with my SAR dogs FPP. At least, I think I did.
posted by TomMelee at 8:39 PM on July 22, 2009

if it's Rodriguez, then he got FPP'd earlier this year...
posted by russm at 8:47 PM on July 22, 2009

Connie Converse was also FPP'd earlier in 2009.
posted by pxe2000 at 6:50 AM on July 23, 2009

FelliniBlank... none of the above : )

pxe2000... I posted Connie Converse
posted by kimdog at 7:08 AM on July 23, 2009

Did he have writing carved into his arm?
posted by the latin mouse at 2:31 AM on July 24, 2009

229. Most people know Pat Sajak from his long time stint as the "masher" on Family Feud, and his frequent guest appearances on Where is the Boil Quick Lance it with Whatever is Handy.

But people that really know him - who really really really know him - who've performed prostate exams on him and seen footage of his endoscopies - will tell you that this is not the real Pat "the Badger" Sajak. Because Pat's real passion is surrealism.

When he is not busy servicing his legions of fans, Pat can be found knitting tiny lederhosen, choreographing lobster synchronized swim galas, all that funky funky sumpin' sumpin' that real homey surrealists do down in the hood when they are chilling with their like-minded surrealist homeboys and pretending that they are Armenian-Americans.

Sajak in da HOUSE!!!! Right there, in the lounge, just through the front hall and past the breakfast nook!!! BADGER HOMIES REPRESENT!!!!!!
posted by Meatbomb at 7:03 PM on July 25, 2009

230. The late Pat "the Badger" Sajak was not, as early biographers believed, a surrealist. The ongoing investigation into his gruesome and untimely demise has uncovered daguerreotypes, temperature data logs, and reliable eyewitness testimony proving beyond reasonable doubt that Sajak was not only a poseur and a fraud but in fact a closet impressionist and a xerostomic.

Sajak fan clubs worldwide were shocked by the relevation that Sajak's grandmother, with whom he engaged in a decades-long extramarital romantic relationship, actually knitted all of those tiny, lightly soiled lederhosen. "He betrayed me," gasped Senator Mitch McConnell, president of the Jefferson County Chapter of the International Pat "the Badger" Sajak is Beautiful and a God Among Men Club, between wails of grief.

Although nobody (NOBODY) has ANY plausible hypotheses how Sajak could have possibly offed himself (either accidentally or with self-destructive intent) with a washing machine miles from any legitimate source of electricity, his death has not yet officially been ruled a homicide. A press conference is scheduled for 9 pm EST tomorrow to reveal findings from toxicology reports and interviews with Sajak's husband and children.
posted by little e at 11:11 PM on July 25, 2009

231. The lederhosen lives, revived by a mad scientist who built a life essence transference machine and hooked the lobster up to it and drained it of bioenergy and gave it to the lederhosen, with no ill effect except a light stain and a dead lobster.

This is a continuation of this.
posted by Kattullus at 11:35 PM on July 25, 2009

232. You click an innocuous link. You are presented with a video of a lobster rubbing itself against a pair of lightly stained lederhosen. You will never forget this image but after years of therapy you will come to terms with what you saw.
posted by Kattullus at 9:54 PM on July 26, 2009

233. You click an innocuous link. You are presented with a video of a lobster rubbing itself against a pair of lightly stained lederhosen. You will never forget this image and on your next visit to the "adult store" you get your own pair of lederhosen to rub your own "lobster" on. Your lederhosen are soon lightly stained.
posted by little e at 11:01 PM on July 26, 2009

234. You click an innocuous link. You are presented with a video of Pat "the Badger" Sajak (G-d rest his soul) narrating a documentary about his passion for surrealism. It includes a scene in which he is knitting a beautiful afghan quilt. On the quilt is an image of a lobster rubbing itself against a pair of lightly stained lederhosen. You will never forget this image. On your next visit to the "adult store" you buy a copy of this documentary, and bring it home with you. You attempt, in the end with only minimal success, to knit a similar afghan yourself. But alas, you are no Pat Sajak.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:40 AM on July 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

235. You got a pedicure at the salon that was cited by the health department for poor sanitation. You've been licking the fixtures in public restrooms. You've been participating in team sports and wearing tight, sweaty lederhosen. You noticed painful erythematous swelling and now you've finally managed to grow a big ol juicy furuncle of your very own WELL TODAY IS YOUR BIG DAY COME ON DOWN BECAUSE YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON WHERE IS THE BOIL QUICK LANCE IT WITH WHATEVER IS HANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by little e at 2:14 AM on July 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

236. There is nothing but madness left in the lobster. The pleasures of the light stain are trifling, see through it into the depths of the lederhosen.
posted by Kattullus at 10:19 PM on July 27, 2009

237. The lobster is on fire because he's a log human dressed in lederhosen staining lightly in the sun.
posted by Kattullus at 11:58 AM on July 28, 2009 [1 favorite]

238. The blue is lobsters, the yellow/orange/brown lightly soiled lederhosen.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:44 AM on July 29, 2009

239. You won't know anyone at the lobster's funeral. As you approach the grieving relatives to offer your sympathies you realize that your lederhosen are lightly stained. You hope and pray they don't realize that the stain is from the delicious lunch you had. Being boiled alive is a senseless way to die but the lobster is tastiest that way.
posted by Kattullus at 11:17 AM on July 29, 2009 [2 favorites]

240. The lobster doesn't ring or you think it's a lobster but you can never be sure over the phone but the voice is lobsterlike. Is that a stain on your lederhosen or a shadow? You're not sure but if it is a stain it is light and causes no great worry.
posted by Kattullus at 6:56 AM on July 30, 2009

241. It is the special surrealist edition of "¿quien es mas macho?". Bill Murray has gone into immersive Spanish language training over the last few months to make this a very special night.

We contrast famous Latin actors and random surreal items. The actors are sometimes judges more macho, but there seems to be little correlation to any sort of objective definition of "macho". But of course, that is the nature of surrealism! Wee!

[***spoiler alert***]

round one: Desi Arnaz
round two: bubble spiral
round three: lobster
round four: Ricardo Montalban
round five: Ricardo Montalban
round six: sirens
round seven: lederhosen
round eight: Iceland
round nine: dancing headlice

[special "switching into mock German" event on the prize wheel]

round ten (elimination bonus round): Ron Howard
posted by Meatbomb at 12:54 AM on August 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

242. The lobster makes you feel angry at yourself. You shouldn't care that much about a damn crustacean, no matter how much time you've devoted to it. It is normal to stain lederhosen, and you did it only lightly. This is not some sort of karmic punishment for caring too much.
posted by Kattullus at 9:23 PM on August 1, 2009

243. You know the lobster has a story to tell. It went out for an hour and came back wearing lightly stained lederhosen. IT CAN'T EVEN WEAR PANTS! Something happened, something worth knowing about.
posted by Kattullus at 9:36 AM on August 2, 2009

244. It is a closeup view of the loading hopper of an industrial debarker / wood chipper. Guess what we witness being thrown into it. Yes, that's right, live lobsters. It is cruel and sickening. The shot gets wider and we see our protagonist. He is wearing lederhosen that have become very heavily stained with lobster foam. He is wearing a shirt that says "Ask me about Surrealism".
posted by Meatbomb at 4:21 PM on August 2, 2009

245. You don't remember how you stained the lederhosen, unsurprising considering how light it is. Anything could have made that, even the top-hatted lobster you pretend to dream about.
posted by Kattullus at 8:59 PM on August 4, 2009

246. The lobster has been harping on you for days to take him to The Ledge at the Sears Tower. Finally, on a beautiful August night, you decide the time is right.

After more pleading, you acquiesce, and allow him to wear the lederhosen usually reserved for formal events. You know, just know, that something's going to happen to it, but the sad look in his beady, emotionless eyes convinces you.

The two of you board the brown line and make your way. Given past incidents, it's safest for you to walk the lobster on a leash. At Belmont, you bump into some Columbia College student who thinks he's hot shit, and he makes a Gérard de Nerval comment in passing.

Well that won't stand. No sir. He has to die.

Not long after, the two of you finally make your way to the front of the line, and as soon as it is your turn, the lobster scurries to the edge and peers over. The joy on his face makes the whole ordeal instantly worthwhile. You grab your camera from your pocket, but notice a bit of the art student's blood has gotten on the viewfinder. You shake it off gently, but when you point the camera at the lobster, you notice his expression has changed dramatically.

Oh no. The blood. The lederhosen.

The two of you ride the El home in silence.
posted by SpiffyRob at 5:01 AM on August 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

247. I left my towel in San Francisco
posted by little e at 1:01 AM on August 8, 2009

248. Mark Hamil died for your sins. Now you are faced with a conundrum wrapped within an enigma, ho-hup! You might be wondering what your sins were. If that is the case then be aware that it is sinful to throw live lobsters into a wood chipper. Some of you, dear readers, may note that Mark Hamil is not yet dead. Yip-zimidee! It is a retroactive death, because your sins are not yet illegal. But they will be. Wa-whuggah bee doop! Did we include lederhosen? No, we did not. In their place we have included a lovely bubble spiral and giraffes frolicking in the giant mushroom forrest. Ihn There playce wi Haev inklooded ah Luvly bubel spyruhl ahnd Dzurafs frolikinge ihn duh dziunt mushrum foruste.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:38 AM on August 8, 2009

249. innh zer plus vi hef unkludid u livluh bibl spyrle ned zirufs frilkin innh di dunt masrymm firrst.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:43 AM on August 8, 2009

250. Mark Hamil walks among the living, but he has been dead on the inside since that afternoon. His thoughts are blacker and crunchier than the inside of the chest freezer where your grandmother keeps your grandfather. March 2, 1992.
posted by little e at 1:47 AM on August 8, 2009

Clarification of entries 248 and 249: Although we give full mad props for freestylin', we would encourage future entries to include lederhosen and not substitute bubble spirals, frolicking giraffes, and/or giant mushroom forrests - ed.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:48 AM on August 8, 2009

251. Henceforth and retroactively, the fact that he is wearing lederhosen is implicit in any mention of Mark Hamil.
posted by little e at 1:51 AM on August 8, 2009 [1 favorite]

252. You want to take a shower so you can wash the light stain from the lederhosen but the lobster has been in the bathroom for what seems like years. If it were a whale you'd go get your harpoon but getting a trap seems anticlimactic.
posted by Kattullus at 5:37 AM on August 8, 2009

253. It is an optical illusion - the mushrooms seem normal at first, as if we are using a macro lens, but then everything gets quite SURREAL when a herd of giraffes enter the scene! They are frolicking in a very SURREAL manner, in the middle of a giant mushroom forest!

Mark Hamil is riding one of them, in a reprise of his famous Tauntaun scene on the ice planet Hoth! He is wearing his Hoth winter outfit (not lederhosen) and he is out on patrol with the giraffes!

He unsheathes his lightsaber, but because everything here is so SURREAL instead of the beam of laser light we would expect it produces a fanciful bubble spiral! The giraffes, when they see this, go into a SURREAL frenzy, cavorting and frolicking with intensity!

The editor runs into the scene, waving his Verbose Surrealist Style Guide. He is frantic, waving his arms as if he wishes to drive the giraffes out of the camera's field of view. He seems very angry, and he is waving a pair of lederhosen, and he has a satchel with a bunch of lobsters poking out, it is all quite SURREAL! He is signalling to Mark Hamil, as though he wishes the famous Star Wars actor to change his costume.

Mark Hamil leads the charge, and the frenzied giraffes stampede! The editor is crushed!

Oh my god! The humanity!
posted by Meatbomb at 2:11 PM on August 8, 2009

254. #254 is the same as #253, except replace "lightsaber" with "manhood".
posted by little e at 11:38 PM on August 8, 2009

255. Passion is boundless, the lobster gets onto the coffee table and does a kind of Rumba Jitterbug fusion dancestep: and the Skatalites were blaring full volume - the neighbors were pounding on the door but it was not noticed because they were doing it in time, heavy on the one and three. Finally the bottle of stain remover was left by the front door, leant against like drunk holding up a street light. The smell of hickory wood smoke filled the hallway and outside it was starting to rain.
posted by From Bklyn at 5:56 AM on August 9, 2009

Hey, wow, hi From Bklyn! Nice to have you here, the more the merrier, the world needs more surrealism, and you are helping make the world a better place. On behalf of the whole Verbose Surrealist team I would like to officially welcome you on board, hope you stick around.

We all love your stuff! Really, it is excellent.

So, we were all talking and, you know, we think it would be even more excellent if it included a little less Mark Hamil? And everybody thought that it was really cool how you made the allusion to lederhosen without actually mentioning them - but we want you to, like, not do that anymore, and just especially because you are new here we thought it would be great if you just started out the normal way and move onto the more advanced freestylin' once you have paid your dues, you know?

Your stuff is excellent! We really love it, man!
posted by Meatbomb at 7:19 AM on August 9, 2009

Look at Kattallus. He's been around since the very beginning, and he still manages to include the lobster, the lederhosen, and the light stain every time. He is so cool, why don't you just try doing it like that?
posted by Meatbomb at 7:22 AM on August 9, 2009

256: Don't keep multiplying the number of lobsters by the number of legs on your lederhosen. You will soon find yourself with more lobsters than you can manage and besides, the left leg is lightly stained.
posted by Kattullus at 12:10 PM on August 9, 2009

257. As deft as ten legs can be the needles whip through the air and the supple Bavarian leather is cut and sewn to size. Pair after pair of lederhosen fly to the tables like fry off a female's back. Shame about the tartar sauce: on every pair, a light but noticeable stain.
posted by From Bklyn at 8:25 PM on August 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

258. DO keep multiplying the number of lobsters by the number (six) of legs on your lederhosen. Soon you will have enough lobsters, so you'd better send out those invitations to the backyard lobster feast! You'll end up with a light grass stain on one knee and a greasy spot on the leftmost thigh of the lederhosen, but, hey, it's a backyard feast, that's to be expected.
posted by little e at 1:26 AM on August 10, 2009

259. Mark lobster Hamil stain mushrum forest surrealism lederhosen bubble spiral (fanciful) all systems GO! Red leader you are clear to reenact the famous penultimate run on the Death Star ooh I think I just came in my pants it is my favourite part of the film giraffe stampede where are we going to find it probably is not included Pat lobster Sajak style manual
posted by Meatbomb at 1:33 AM on August 10, 2009

260. BATTLE TO THE DEATH: STAMPEDING GIRAFFES VERSUS LOBSTERS IN LIGHTLY SOILED LEDERHOSEN whoever survives wins the gold! But before tonight's competition begins, we have a word from International Olympics Committee Chairman Pat Sajak.
posted by little e at 1:44 AM on August 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

261. Mark Hamil gently wiped a single tear from Pat Sajak's pale face. "In case I don't make it back," he said softly, "I want you to have these." He placed a worn pair of lederhosen, lightly stained, into Pat's trembling hands. Mark hopped onto his giraffe and disappeared into the shadows. Pat stood at the edge of the mushroom forest, with only the lobster left to comfort him.
posted by little e at 1:54 AM on August 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

262. Lederhosen may not have been the most practical thing to wear on a day as humid as this, now they are lightly stained and you're not sure if they're machine washable. Ask the lobster, he might know. You'll find him in his bedroom lying on his bed, with the fan aimed at his face.
posted by Kattullus at 7:45 PM on August 10, 2009

263. As you're falling asleep this humid night think of the lobster. In your mind, is it wearing lederhosen? If not, are your nethers unaccountably hot? If they are you might be wearing lederhosen which you've stained lightly with your sweat.
posted by Kattullus at 8:25 PM on August 11, 2009

264. Lobster? You leder to the hosen!
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:28 PM on August 11, 2009

265. The sun has started to set, which just increases the speed of your nervous pacing around the garden apartment. Where the hell is he? He was supposed to be back an hour ago, and you specifically said to call if anything went wrong. You walk over to the table by the front window and press a button on your cell phone. Still on, still getting a signal. Damnit. No missed calls, no voicemails, no text, no MMS, no GChat, nothing. Nothing at all.

You hear the sound of feet shuffling in the courtyard, and perk up, but realize that you're hearing the sound of, at best, four feet. Maybe a man and his wife, maybe a miniature unicorn, but certainly not a lobster. Damnit. Damnit damnit damnit!

You collapse in a heap in the corner and start sobbing softly.

What seems like only an instant later, you jerk your head up at the sound of tiny keys turning the tiny lock on the tiny door at the bottom of the regular door. It's the lobster door. You realize you must have fallen asleep, as the apartment is pitch black. The lights (from the lightswitch positioned close to the floor, see before for reasons why things in this apartment are positioned both lower to the ground and at their normal height in this apartment) flick on, and you have to look away while your eyes adjust. Finally, the scene comes into focus, and you see the lobster before you, a rolled up brown paper bag between you.

"Where the..." you start, but are immediately silenced by the look on the lobster's face. It's not anger, it's not frustration, it's not disappointment, hell, it's not much of anything, really. It's the complete absence of a look, but in a way that communicates, immediately, that the lobster doesn't want to hear a single question about tonight. Not now, not ever. He sighs and scurries off to the kitchen, looking for something to drink in the fridge. (On the bottom shelf. But that should go without saying at this point. Does it? I hope so.)

You wait until he finds something, then, remembering yourself, snatch the brown paper bag at your feet. You've been waiting for this moment since the need arose earlier today, and yet you can't bring yourself to see it through to its conclusion. Your hands freeze.

The lobster comes back in, pushing a glass of guava juice on a miniature skateboard. You remember that you were supposed to buy him straws today, but are so transfixed by the brown paper bag in your hands that you can't even react to the memory.

"Open it. Open it now."

You shake your head.

"Open the bag. I'm going to take it away from you if you don't."

You clutch the bag to your chest.

"Fine. I'm going to put on my slippers. If you haven't opened the bag by the time I come back, I'm taking it back and leaving. You'll never see my face again."

As he scuttles to the bedroom you think back on when you first invited him into your apartment. You thought you knew him well, but the lobster you originally asked was a distant memory compared to the crustacean who, now, was wedging a leg into his fourth slipper. Your needs had changed, and this wasn't working out anymore.

You tear the paper bag open and lose your breath as a beautiful pair of lederhosen fall into your lap. You notice they are lightly stained, but it barely matters as all of your negativity washes away. The stain will have to be attended to at some point, but at least for tonight, you can enjoy things just the way they are.
posted by SpiffyRob at 6:51 AM on August 12, 2009 [4 favorites]

266. Remember that entry about the lobster living in the apartment, and how everything had to be modified for him? Wow, me too, that was so surreal. And remember the stuff about Pat Sajak, and how he was a member of the SS and was rounding up all the lobsters in Montevideo and sending them off to camps? I loved that one, man, what a hoot. Sometimes I just sit back and re-read all those old entries on my kindle while I am reenacting the penultimate Mark lederhosen mushrm forst and then I turn on my bbbl sprl and just really trip out. I know it is only surreal, but sometimes it actually seems a bit psychedelic too and is OK play with peepee rub giraffe style manual 1st Bulgarian Volunteer Futurist Brigade's fusileers storming Constantinople in tight crotchless lederhosen (fanciful) man that's the best part, aeroplanes flying overhead. The stains start to sort of melt and vibrate, you'd swear the whole thing whoah my cigarette is making trails turn out the lights.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:43 AM on August 12, 2009

267. Dear Diary,

I am writing entry 267 in the Verbose Surrealist's List of shit to do with a Bubble Spiral, and I am starting to freak out. I think I read too many entries and I can't come down.

Will vitamin C help? I don't want to look at the lobster, nor do I want to look at the lederhosen, nor do I care to examine the light stain. It is as though a greta weight is upon me, it is as though Greta Van Susteren is upon me, it is as though Greta Van Susteren is doing something without my permission in my swimsuit area and I do not like it but the body is weak and my manhood is becoming aroused, just like that time I was pretending to lead the Ewoks and the friction in the saddle on my giraffe mount gave me a stiffy.

Oh, dear diary, why do you always bring me to this? Why must everything be about my penis, and whether or not I currently have wood? Wouldn't it be more surreal to

Yours Sincerely,

Meatbomb
posted by Meatbomb at 7:51 AM on August 12, 2009

268. Andre Breton asks you to take care of his pet lobster. You mean to assent but you can't help but be transfixed by the spreading light stain on his lederhosen. Since you remain silent Breton assumes you're refusing and angrily denounces you and kicks you out of the movement, but that's okay because you never joined, somebody else just wrote your name on a manifesto.
posted by Kattullus at 8:08 AM on August 12, 2009

269. You like the lobster precisely because it isn't fun. The only hint that it has a personality beyond that of a 1950s English chartered accountant is that it affects a lederhosen. Usually they are impeccable but today there is a light stain. Nonetheless you will sit down and talk for two and a half hours and when you get up again you will be surprised how much time has passed.
posted by Kattullus at 7:42 AM on August 13, 2009

270. Hello lobster my old friend
Your lederhosen lightly stenned
What's that you say it's pronounced stainèd?
I find that reply rather painèd.
And besides that is untrue
It is stained
It remains
Within your lederhosen.
posted by SpiffyRob at 8:38 AM on August 13, 2009 [1 favorite]

Appendik Une: Oficially Approvd Surreal Celebities

1. Ron Howard
2. Pat Sajak
3. Mark Hamil
4. Hitler
5. Salvador Dali
6. Charo
posted by Meatbomb at 11:33 AM on August 13, 2009

271. The lederhosen at first appear lightly stained, but on closer inspection they have a lovely sequined lobster pattern on the right leg.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:19 AM on August 15, 2009

272. You sit out the inning to let the lobster play and it drops every ball. Your tears stain your lederhosen lightly.
posted by Kattullus at 2:32 PM on August 15, 2009

273. The lobster makes a perfect replacement kite now that the aerodynamics of the lederhosen have been ruined by the light stain.
posted by Kattullus at 7:18 PM on August 16, 2009

274. Direct the lobster to fuck André Breton's mother in a tree while she is clad only in crotchless lederhosen. This is the third scene in your second surrealist pornographic film, Pure Phallic Automatism IV.
posted by little e at 9:11 PM on August 16, 2009

(I believe the inevitable stain in #274 goes without saying.)
posted by little e at 9:12 PM on August 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

275. You are accidentally served a lederhosen bisque, and it tastes exactly as you expect. You considering bringing it to the waiter's attention, but at the last moment you realize that, as he himself is a lobster, it might be a delicate and uncomfortable converstaion. Instead you pour the contents into your trousers, staining them lightly and scalding your naughty bits.

In the emergency room you suddenly notice that your nurse and doctor are also lobsters.

"Are lobsters taking over? What's going on?"

"Shut up and prepare for your colonoscopy," says the lobster nurse.

"I am here for second degree burns to my naughty bits, why am I being given a colonoscopy?"

"Every human that questions our political plans is given one, regardless of medical need," she replies.

Her eyes are cold, black and soulless.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:56 AM on August 18, 2009

(hot lobster action moved to thread number 18083)

(further hot lobster action in this thread is not sanctioned by Verbose Surrealism 2009 LLC and may result in disqualification and removal of all benefits)
posted by Meatbomb at 8:59 AM on August 18, 2009

There is no Verbose Surrealism 2009 LLC, there is only The Dream.™
posted by Kattullus at 9:33 AM on August 18, 2009

There is no dream, there are only the thoughts of the lobsters scuttling across the dark sea floor, creating for us hopes and despair, dreams and facts, eating the dead and dying materielle that settles around them day and night, frequently staining their otherwise perfectly tailored lederhosen.
posted by From Bklyn at 10:45 AM on August 18, 2009