Guinness record for the Blue? November 11, 2009 1:27 PM   Subscribe

Is there a record for most consecutive days making a meaningful FPP post?

Just wondering. I've been making FPP posts of interesting articles and topics I've read over the last week, and they seem to be well received.

I have a ton more stuff and will make posts until I run out of cool stuff or the mods tell me to cut it out.
posted by reenum to MetaFilter-Related at 1:27 PM (154 comments total)

ummm, congratulations?
posted by Think_Long at 1:28 PM on November 11, 2009


You think you're so cool?!?!?!
posted by floam at 1:29 PM on November 11, 2009


I'm not trying to get a pat on the back by any means. I was just wondering if anyone had kept track of such a record.

If it exists, it has to Ripken-esque.
posted by reenum at 1:29 PM on November 11, 2009


cool, keep it up I guess
posted by kathrineg at 1:29 PM on November 11, 2009


and let's be nice in this thread, it has good intentions and should be happy and involve hugs
posted by kathrineg at 1:30 PM on November 11, 2009


I'm not trying to get a pat on the back by any means

Oh no, just trying to win an award for all of your meaningful posts.
posted by amro at 1:31 PM on November 11, 2009


No, meaningful is subjective.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:31 PM on November 11, 2009 [5 favorites]


But subjectivity is objective!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 1:32 PM on November 11, 2009 [5 favorites]


Well, you skipped November 7, and November 8 was a straight up newsfilter post, so don't start with the Ripken comparisons just yet.

Didn't somebody contribute quality posts to the blue for thirty days running a few years back? I'm terrible with names, but I remember enjoying them quite a bit.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:34 PM on November 11, 2009


But subjectivity is objective!

Not in a rational scheme of perception.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:42 PM on November 11, 2009


But subjectivity is objective!

Not in a rational scheme of perception.


But perception is irrational--it implies imminence!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 1:46 PM on November 11, 2009


Is there a record for most consecutive days making a meaningful FPP post?

I was with you until pretty much everything after that.
posted by katillathehun at 1:46 PM on November 11, 2009


5 posts, just on one day: July 15th.
posted by R. Mutt at 1:46 PM on November 11, 2009


These Axioms of Reason aren't going to dictate themselves, people.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:48 PM on November 11, 2009 [3 favorites]


Well, there's a record somewhere for consecutive days without a deleted post, but that's about it I think.
posted by Melismata at 1:51 PM on November 11, 2009


But perception is irrational--it implies imminence!

But judgment of any system of phenomena exists in any rational, metaphysical or epistemological contradiction to an abstracted empirical concept such as being, or to be, or to occur in the thing itself, or of the thing itself.

yeah, I had to look that one up
posted by Bookhouse at 1:52 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


You know, there used to be a record streak, but by asking this question you just reset the counter. Nice going, champ.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:53 PM on November 11, 2009


But judgment of any system of phenomena exists in any rational, metaphysical or epistemological contradiction to an abstracted empirical concept such as being, or to be, or to occur in the thing itself, or of the thing itself.

Yeah, I've said that many times.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 1:54 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


How do I know that any of you exist?

oh wow, did you ever look at your feet? I mean really look at them?
posted by not_on_display at 1:55 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


(If you were hanging out in the previous Meta thread, you'll note I died this morning before cortex closed the thread. Just wanted to say, death isn't all it's cracked up to be. Pretty dull, to tell the truth. Weird fact: when you're dead, you only get to listen to Dave Brubeck. Anyway, back to decomposing.)
posted by Skot at 1:57 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


More to the point, if everyone starts heading for this sort of record the site will, immediately, cease to function. While I sort of appreciate what you're trying to do reenum, I'd be more impressed with a run of amazing posts that were meted out over time, the one-per-day thing gets really tired after a while for almost everyone.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:58 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


What do you mean by "well received"? They haven't got an avalanche of snark? That doesn't deserve praise, it means you broke even. If you need a benchmark, here you go. He doesn't post every single damn day like some people seem obsessively compelled to, but when he does there are always plenty of favorites, often more than comments. But come on, don't pretend like you're not here to get some cheap adulation.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:58 PM on November 11, 2009


jonson
posted by languagehat at 2:06 PM on November 11, 2009 [4 favorites]


This MeTa post is jejune.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 2:06 PM on November 11, 2009


Heh. I guessed the benchmark without looking.
posted by Pronoiac at 2:06 PM on November 11, 2009


I love the adulation, true.

I will heed the wise mod and keep things spaced out. I guess I can just post all the interesting stuff to my own blog and make special super special posts for MeFi.

I must admit, there is a certain rush that comes with posting and then reading replies.
posted by reenum at 2:06 PM on November 11, 2009


I'm not trying to get a pat on the back by any means.

Yeah, I don't know how anyone could possibly have gotten that idea.
posted by EarBucket at 2:07 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


This thread answers a nagging question I've had all week.
posted by eyeballkid at 2:07 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


jonson was indeed the man...or perhaps a machine. Either way, dayyum. Come back someday!
posted by Burhanistan at 2:07 PM on November 11, 2009


I think I have the record for most consecutive days making a deleted FPP. What do I win?
posted by gman at 2:08 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


I loved the post on Cuban baseball players. But "meaningful" is not the first word I'd use to describe this post.
posted by exogenous at 2:08 PM on November 11, 2009


You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you.
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this post is about you.
Don't you? Don't You? Don't You?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:09 PM on November 11, 2009 [5 favorites]


P.S. Thanks to Burhanistan for the referral to Katullus' profile. She is what I should aspire to be.
posted by reenum at 2:10 PM on November 11, 2009


Rumpole, you have the temerity to say that reenum is talking to you out of jejunosity? He is one of the most june people in all of the Metafilters!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 2:11 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yoo-hoo everyone - look at me! Yo, over here! I know you can see me, what with all my arm waving and sparklers sparkling and everything! Okay, I'm only gonna blast this air horn one more time! YAAA YA YAAAA CHECK ME OUT OR I WILL MURDER AN ORPHAN!!!
posted by item at 2:11 PM on November 11, 2009


Why's everybody looking at me? Don't you know I'm shy and self-conscience?
posted by item at 2:11 PM on November 11, 2009


P.S. Thanks to Burhanistan for the referral to Katullus' profile. She is what I should aspire to be.

I wonder if he aspires to be a she?
posted by gman at 2:12 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


She is what I should aspire to be.

HE IS A VIKING, NOT A SHE
posted by Burhanistan at 2:12 PM on November 11, 2009 [8 favorites]


conscious, even
posted by item at 2:13 PM on November 11, 2009


How about longest string of deleted posts?
posted by jbickers at 2:14 PM on November 11, 2009


As the great Kermit once said, "It's not easy being green".
posted by reenum at 2:15 PM on November 11, 2009


How about longest string of deleted posts??

gman's ears are burning...
posted by item at 2:15 PM on November 11, 2009


Weird day.

* lights cigarette *

Gettin' weirder.
posted by boo_radley at 2:15 PM on November 11, 2009


Dammit Blazecock! Now I've got the Carly Simon song and Janet Jackson's ripoff of it on a loop in my head.
posted by reenum at 2:20 PM on November 11, 2009


Futbol, that old hat Little Tree stuff, bessbol, US joins the 20th century, baseball, wacky roommate Twitter, Eichmann capture w/Wikipedia link, frigging baseball, goddamn fucking baseball, an Islam thing that may be interesting, newsfilter, MSM deathwatch, MSM deathwatch, I'll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah, possibly interesting Terrar! fpp, Good Grief, More MSM deathwatch, Dueling! Neato!, TALfilter, If you're cheating on your taxes, you deserve to get busted; if you're still using MySpace, you deserve much worse, Obitfilter, Afghanistan a real fixer-upper, cool banknote FPP, Yankee healthcare, NeverHelpanyoneFilter, I remember that Kevin Smith stripclub FPP, the comments were way better than the content, which isn't hard when it comes to Kevin Smith (Zing!), Oh, those zany Japanese!, Steve Allen did that 'Approach a popular song from an artistic/academic perspective' shtick 150 years ago, What some people pretended to overhear in [Insert your city], and I don't know who Tyler Cowen is, but his elbows are cold.

I guess the moral of the story is that posting quality FPPs on subjects that are genuinely engaging to yourself are their own reward. Don't worry about getting flak the haters or currying the favour(ites) of the hoi polloi! Stay true to you!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:20 PM on November 11, 2009


I have, on more than one occasion, refrained from making meaningless front page posts for more than six months.
posted by googly at 2:26 PM on November 11, 2009 [4 favorites]


This post led me to think about what "newsfilter" is, so I googled it to find a definition or perhaps a satellite website (a la PoliFilter or SportsFilter). I didn't expect what I found. First link is very NSFW.
posted by not_on_display at 2:28 PM on November 11, 2009


Is there a record for most consecutive comments without adding any value or insight?

I'm not trying to get a pat on the back by any means.
posted by JeffK at 2:36 PM on November 11, 2009


I set a new personal record this month for most consecutive days of cleaning the litterbox without complaining that NO ONE ELSE IN THIS HOUSE EVER DOES IT!

.... deep breath...

I will now commence with patting myself on the back.
posted by amyms at 2:40 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


jonson was indeed the man...or perhaps a machine. Either way, dayyum. Come back someday!

I try not to be too dickish on metafilter, because I know that nothing I say can ever be more awe-inspiringly petty than jonson's immediate reaction to Red Buttons's death. Such unchecked aggression, such a casually tossed-off yawning void where one expects a moral center, such concision. Breathtaking.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:41 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


First link is very NSFW.

Newsfilter: We have porn movies of 100% porn.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 2:41 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


I didn't see that Red Buttons post the first time. Wow.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:44 PM on November 11, 2009


182 posts and counting. Nothin' but net.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:44 PM on November 11, 2009


I guess it's jonson. I figured it had to have been crunchland, but I guess jonson used "the method" and beat him out. And yes, kattulus is a very fine role model indeed, just a very masculine one as well.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:44 PM on November 11, 2009


Whatever the record is, I'm sure it's safe.

Also: EVERY FPP should be meaningful. Otherwise, what's the point?
posted by absalom at 2:45 PM on November 11, 2009


nothing I say can ever be more awe-inspiringly petty than jonson's immediate reaction to Red Buttons's death

I dunno, the fact that your favorited it in 2006 and sat on it for three years until you got the chance to use it - a year after jonson hit the bricks - definitely makes you a contender.

I thought it was funny, but I'm biased; with a few very wonderful exceptions, nearly every Adam I've encountered has been a complete and utter shitstain.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:51 PM on November 11, 2009


Am I the only person who is unbelievably annoyed at this post?

It reminds me of the kid on the diving board begging for his mom's attention while she tries to have a grown up conversation. "HEY MOM...HEY MOM...WATCH ME JUMP...MOOOOOOOOOM WATCH ME JUMP! I'M GONNA JUMP."

Neither you nor your posts on the blue are interesting enough to warrant this MeTa post. I'm not a mod, but does my saying "cut it out" mean anything to you?
posted by orville sash at 2:54 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


I like pie.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:55 PM on November 11, 2009


Shoo Fly? Rhubarb? Inquiring minds want to know!
posted by Loto at 2:57 PM on November 11, 2009


At this point I would be surprised to find out reenum didn't like lederhosen and lobsters.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:58 PM on November 11, 2009


Only the winner of the auction for user number 100k gets to post more than 5 days in a row.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 3:06 PM on November 11, 2009


I got nothing. No operations, no minor procedures, no streaks.

Todd Lokken. Tater. HAMBURGER.

How you like me now?
posted by fixedgear at 3:06 PM on November 11, 2009


It's time for some Cabaret Voltaire.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:08 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Have I ever mentioned how awesome I am? I think it's been a while. Maybe a MetaTalk thread is due on how awesome I am. Probably so.
posted by xmutex at 3:15 PM on November 11, 2009


Does not deleted = meaningful? Because tomorrow will be the 750th consecutive day on which I haven't had a FPP deleted.
posted by plastic_animals at 3:22 PM on November 11, 2009


Have I ever mentioned how awesome I am?

You are pretty awesome, xmutex, but you're no, y'know, me.
posted by dersins at 3:29 PM on November 11, 2009


jonson

Yep. That fella was a quality-post machine, especially during contests. As I recall, he actually used sockpuppets on occasion so he could post more than once per day.
posted by brain_drain at 3:32 PM on November 11, 2009


wow what a meaningful MeTa post
posted by oinopaponton at 3:36 PM on November 11, 2009


When someone has all the coolest toys, or knows all the coolest people I tend to like them a hell of a lot more if they don't contort themselves to call attention to it.
posted by edgeways at 3:39 PM on November 11, 2009


Between 2000-01-07 and 2000-02-17 "mathowie" made 141 posts with no daily gaps.
Between 2006-08-16 and 2006-09-01 "jonson" made 17 posts with no daily gaps.

User "ivey" has posted twice, with 2898 days between posts.
posted by Meta Filter at 3:43 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


That record belongs to dortmunder.
posted by qvantamon at 3:43 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


You know, reenum, you did have a pretty good streak of 12 non-sucky MeTa posts going...

Whereas all of mine are pure gold cough coughcough cough,

coughcough kofkofkof



cough.

posted by not_on_display at 3:45 PM on November 11, 2009


Your FPPs are better than mine. Keep it up.
posted by Edward L at 3:50 PM on November 11, 2009


you did have a pretty good streak of 12 non-sucky MeTa posts going

I disagree.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 3:53 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


Reenum Dude, if you were my friend I would bust your fuckin' balls for years, YEARS, about saying something this corny. Like a decade man, two and a half presidencies.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:53 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


What happened to jonson?
posted by marxchivist at 4:11 PM on November 11, 2009


He opted out a while ago. Someone could probably drop him a note and see if he wants back in.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:16 PM on November 11, 2009


Divine_Wino: I'm pretty sure my balls have been busted to their full extent in this here thread.
posted by reenum at 4:16 PM on November 11, 2009


YOU HAVE NO IDEA.




but yes bro, carry on, this too shall pass.
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:25 PM on November 11, 2009


There is no such thing as a meaningful FPP post. and it's a good thing, too.
posted by jonmc at 4:39 PM on November 11, 2009


psst, the P in FPP stands for "post"
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:44 PM on November 11, 2009


I know, but I see signs saying "ATM Machine inside" all the time, so I care not for tilting at windmills, lady.
posted by jonmc at 4:45 PM on November 11, 2009


REENUM SHALL RUE THE DAY
posted by xmutex at 4:52 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


psst, the P in FPP stands for "post"

Next fall on CBS: Navy NCIS.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 4:54 PM on November 11, 2009


I like when they do the CSI investigations at the crime scenes.
posted by brain_drain at 4:57 PM on November 11, 2009


Coffee table dancer, aren't we all?

(SFW, assuming your work doesn't mind poorly recorded 1970s acoustic folk-pop.)
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:00 PM on November 11, 2009


Tonight I will drink juniper beer.
posted by everichon at 5:07 PM on November 11, 2009


What happened to jonson? Was there ever a big meta flameout thread, or did he just kind of slink away?

I remember really liking his posts, but seeing the Red Balloon thread above makes me feel like either was not very friendly or perhaps just having a bad day.
posted by localhuman at 5:39 PM on November 11, 2009


I emailed back and forth with him some. I think he'd felt that his sensibilities and the ones of the site were going in different directions and he had a new daughter and it was a good time for a breaking point. There was no rancor that I recall.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:51 PM on November 11, 2009


He just decided to take an indefinite break at one point. He was as capable of the occasional poorly-thought-out snark or jab as anyone, but he was a total mensch most of the time.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:52 PM on November 11, 2009


psst, the P in FPP stands for "post"

would someone respond to my RVSP, please
posted by terrapin at 5:53 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


I know, but I see signs saying "ATM Machine inside" all the time

If you see a sign about an "ATM machine", assume they're talking about that other "ATM", the one where the M doesn't stand for machine...
posted by qvantamon at 6:13 PM on November 11, 2009


I appreciate not only the meaningfulness of your FPP posts, but also the fact that you post your meaningful FPP posts to the front page, where they're easy to spot. Keep on keepin' on, brother.
posted by iconomy at 6:15 PM on November 11, 2009


brain_drain: "I like when they do the CSI investigations at the crime scenes"

This week's episode of CSI: Miami was titled "Bone Voyage".

I thought that was hilarious.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:17 PM on November 11, 2009


but he was a total mensch most of the time.

That's a different thread.
posted by fixedgear at 6:18 PM on November 11, 2009


I heard jonson was busy trying to create a new strain of pug that didn't spend every waking second of its miserable sniffling existence praying for death, but my sources say he's been unsuccessful so far.

If an anti-pug comment doesn't bring him back, nothing will.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 6:19 PM on November 11, 2009 [3 favorites]


what's an RVSP
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:32 PM on November 11, 2009


When I go to an ATM machine I always have to stop a minute to remember what my PIN number is.
posted by rtha at 6:32 PM on November 11, 2009


If you see a sign about an "ATM machine", assume they're talking about that other "ATM", the one where the M doesn't stand for machine...

Ah yes, the infamous Alcohol, Tobacco and "Magazines" machine.
posted by FishBike at 6:44 PM on November 11, 2009


Remember, every time someone uses the term FPP the infant mathowie weeps.
posted by Kattullus at 6:50 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


I've been making FPP posts of interesting articles and topics I've read over the last week, and they seem to be well received.

I love you man!

Now get your head out of your butt.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:53 PM on November 11, 2009


Brandon, this sort of thing must be why we are no longer Facebook friends.
posted by reenum at 6:55 PM on November 11, 2009


Also, homunculus is a goddamn machine. He's got over a thousand posts and he will often hang about in open threads for weeks posting interesting links that could merit a post of their own.
posted by Kattullus at 6:59 PM on November 11, 2009


what's an RVSP

It's what you send out to people who have neglected to respond after a reasonable amount of time: "Réponds Vite, Sale Putain!"

posted by CKmtl at 7:00 PM on November 11, 2009 [6 favorites]


Brandon, this sort of thing must be why we are no longer Facebook friends.

No, it was your performance in Mafia Wars. Really, what the hell man?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:04 PM on November 11, 2009


Just what this place needs - people being challenged to feel obliged to put some crap on the front page every day just because they can.
posted by dg at 7:10 PM on November 11, 2009


I've been here for 4 years, and still haven't posted anything to the front page, because I want my first FPP to be special, and if I go ahead giving my FPPs to every stranger, it won't be special anymore.
posted by qvantamon at 7:24 PM on November 11, 2009 [15 favorites]


My aim: to be the first metafiltarian to make 356 consecutive well-received MetaTalk posts.
posted by Dumsnill at 7:33 PM on November 11, 2009


I never even thought about ATM meaning "ass to mouth". We must run in different circles.
posted by dead cousin ted at 7:43 PM on November 11, 2009


Shoo Fly? Rhubarb? Inquiring minds want to know!

All I've been eating for the past five days is flu pie. Dunno if it's H1N1, but either way I shall be upping my bacon-and-other-cured-pork-products drastically as revenge.

This week's episode of CSI: Miami was titled "Bone Voyage".

I've seen that porno.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:44 PM on November 11, 2009


Brandon: Ah yes, the seduction of Mafia Wars was a fleeting and intense week or two for me. I'm glad I'm done with that ridiculousness.

qvantamon: Truer words were never spoken. You've made me realize what a FPP skank I've been to date. :)
posted by reenum at 7:44 PM on November 11, 2009


I never even thought about ATM meaning "ass to mouth".

I only ever managed to stop thinking of it that way through the help of some invaluable CBT.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:45 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


Cat Butt Testing?
posted by edgeways at 7:46 PM on November 11, 2009


I never even thought about ATM meaning "ass to mouth".

Even I never thought of it that way, and I'm... well let's just say that I'd make Talulah Bankhead look like a drift of pure white crystallised water.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:51 PM on November 11, 2009


I've always seen ass to mouth listed as A2M. Uh, I mean, that's what I've heard.
posted by reenum at 7:53 PM on November 11, 2009


This thread needs more pitchforks. Come on, what were you thinking?
posted by empath at 7:55 PM on November 11, 2009


Urban Dictionary helped me with CBT. Careful with the pitchforks, though: The testicles can stand great pain but caution should be taken.
posted by Dumsnill at 7:57 PM on November 11, 2009


When I go to an ATM machine I always have to stop a minute to remember what my PIN number is.

That happens to me too. Wow, this is like déja vu all over again.
posted by chococat at 8:00 PM on November 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


I've always seen ass to mouth listed as A2M. Uh, I mean, that's what I've heard.

Between that and the facebook friends comment, you really seem eager to accelerate the pile-on.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:04 PM on November 11, 2009


Like Silverchair once said, "Come on. Abuse me more. I like it."
posted by reenum at 8:11 PM on November 11, 2009


I would totally abuse the lead singer of Silverchair. I mean srsly.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:17 PM on November 11, 2009


Burhanistan: Between that and the facebook friends comment, you really seem eager to accelerate the pile-on.

Getting the pitchforks and torches out just doesn't seem worth it anymore after they occluded the favorites.
posted by Kattullus at 8:19 PM on November 11, 2009


And yet, I have been here for 4 years and have not yet had the fortitude to post my first FPP to the blue. Some day, perhaps...
posted by IndigoRain at 9:51 PM on November 11, 2009


wat
posted by pompomtom at 10:21 PM on November 11, 2009


Everyone in this thread who has mentioned "FPP posts", "ATM machines", "PIN numbers", "CSI investigations", "deja vu all over again", "ABM missile", "ABS system", "AC current", "DC current", "advance warning", "CD disks", "DVD disks", "CNN network", "connected together", "DMZ zone", "free gift", "GMT time", "HIV virus", "LCD display", "major breakthrough", "May I ask you a question?", "please RSVP", "RAM memory", "Rio Grande River", "shrimp scampi" (as opposed to jumbo shrimp), "SAT test", "technical jargon", "The La Brea Tar Pits" (La Brea is Spanish for 'the tar'), "VIN number" or any of the other examples previously listed above will need to register with your local regional office of the Department of Redundancy Department, Division of Pleonasms Division. In triplicate.

And yes, I have re-registered myself, twice. Because of my eponysterically funny name.
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 10:37 PM on November 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


Does anyone even know how to use a pitchfork? I mean seriously? Who here has even had pitch that needed forking? It's non-sensical in the end. Or a torch? Have you ever carried a torch? A real, burning pitch torch (yeah, that's right, that's where the pitch comes in, the fork is to get it sitting just so, to keep it from dripping off and catching your hair on fire)? They're hot as shit and un-wieldy - for the most part you can't just put them down somewhere or they catch shit on fire! What a hassle! Or try using one to find your car-keys! People are all like "Arrgh! Fire!" and freak out. Look, I'm just sayin', the whole pitchforks and torches thing is kind of poetic but at the end of the day, deeply impractical. For a more contemporary version of mob violence maybe it should be "I've got a full tank of gas in the pick-up, who's got a chain?" (it's chain, right? 'Cause rope would just abrade and tear?)

I had a donut for breakfast - from this totally 'whole-grain all natural bio' bakery that makes truly the best bread I've maybe ever had - but damn is my stomach upset. Where was I? Where am I?
posted by From Bklyn at 12:12 AM on November 12, 2009


*hands IndigoRain an FPP purity ring*
posted by qvantamon at 12:32 AM on November 12, 2009


I have used a pitchfork. It's part of the hiring exam.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:42 AM on November 12, 2009


I never even thought about ATM meaning "ass to mouth".
That explains the use of ATM machine then, but my mind is somewhat boggled as to what that machine looks like.
posted by dg at 12:58 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]


Imagine a complex contraption with a large shaft covered in whale penis leather.


Er... or so I heard...
posted by qvantamon at 1:06 AM on November 12, 2009


It also occurs to me that I've given many people completely useless directions over the years ;-)
posted by dg at 2:54 AM on November 12, 2009


I dunno, the fact that your favorited it in 2006 and sat on it for three years until you got the chance to use it - a year after jonson hit the bricks - definitely makes you a contender.

I thought it was funny, but I'm biased


Sorry, I just want to clear something up -- I think it's easily one of the funniest comments I've ever seen on metafilter, and I'm a little bit sad that the comment is still interpreted as genuine solipsistic grudge-holding (and that, consequently, my highlighting of the comment is interpreted as genuine sanctimony). I actually brought it up here because it's one of those under-appreciated things from years ago that I'd love for newer users to see.

To me, the beauty of the comment is that it neatly sidesteps the usual ways we talk about the recently-deceased. In offline life, but particularly on metafilter, the immediate reaction to a person's death is a kind of hushed sacredness -- either a "speak no ill of the dead" string of periods, or a desire to sit in judgement of the dead person's entire life, and sum up the good versus the bad in something approaching tidy percentages (Witness the number of times an obit thread has someone saying some variant of "I'm torn -- on the one hand, he molested children, but on the other hand, he made some great music"). Both of these approaches make me a little uncomfortable, but it's not like we have a lot of options available to us when a person dies, so that argument keeps getting rehashed over and over.

jonson's Adam Buttons comment was so extraordinarily funny to me because of its utter inappropriateness to the moment -- that when people were ready to either grieve or sit in judgement, he immediately jumped in with a portrayal of blinkered high-school bitterness. It was a really extraordinary parody of a self-centered asshole.

I'm surprised that so many people have viewed it as genuine bitterness, rather than a bit of pathos-laden gallows humor; it seems a bit like watching some slapstick, and wondering why Curly and Moe seem to dislike each other so much -- couldn't they work out their problems by talking about their needs, rather than poking each other in the eyes?

My intent was not to express that I thought jonson was some kind of sociopath, but rather, to highlight what I thought was the funniest thing he's ever posted here. To be perfectly clear: I recognize that the comment about Adam Buttons was a momentary character whipped up for the sake of satire, and I think it's hilarious.

BUT! And here I'm speaking directly to you, the reader, whoever you may be: I urge you not to try this yourself, because it's quite easy to think you're being "edgy" when, in fact, you're just being the kind of petty cock that the comment in question was a (brilliant, brilliant) caricature of. When everyone does this all the time, a place becomes 4chan (which, if I'm laying all my cards on the table here, I think is also one of the most extraordinary breeding grounds for humor, and which I think is able to be so, in part, because of anonymous's dead-eyed stare in place of moral gravity -- a refusal to spend even the briefest moment recognizing the things we humans usually think of as hallowed). I certainly wouldn't want all the threads on metafilter to include that kind of commenting, any more than I would want every thread to contain nothing but long treatises about one's area of expertise; the former turns mefi into 4chan, the latter turns it into Wikipedia. But the (very, very) occasional irreverent faux-dickish comment, done pitch-perfectly, is (to me) undeniably valuable to the vitality of an intelligent and mostly-ethical community.

TL;DR:
jonson was fucking awesome and posted hilarious comments but don't try to be jonson because you are not that good at it
posted by Greg Nog at 5:41 AM on November 12, 2009 [3 favorites]


...meaningful is subjective.

Yes, but my goal is to at least once make a post as good as filthy light thief. It's something to aspire to.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:42 AM on November 12, 2009


User "ivey" has posted twice, with 2898 days between posts.

Well, I posted for him once by proxy.

I thought it was funny, because I sent him a message with a link to the post, and he said something like, "Crap, I should have thought of that!" since he was already a member.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:48 AM on November 12, 2009


A pitchfork is used to pitch (as in toss or throw) hay or straw. You coastal city-slickers have probably never seen hay or straw (or an actual pitchfork, for that matter), so it is perfectly reasonable for you to not understand what it is used for or why it would be a weapon easily at hand for members of a vigilante mob. Torches worked better than flashlights in the old days because there were no flashlights. Also, it is difficult to set someone's house on fire with a flashlight.

Now let's talk about the proper methods for tarring and feathering. reenum has graciously volunteered for today's demonstration.

The tar is already hot. I'm just waiting for languagehat to get here so that we can get this party started.
posted by double block and bleed at 5:53 AM on November 12, 2009


A pitchfork is used to pitch (as in toss or throw) hay or straw.

Sonofabitch! Well paint me blue and call be a booby. To 'pitch' hay. My second guess was going to be that a pitch fork was used in helping to pitch a tent. I know, I know, I couldn't figure out how a 'fork' would be used for solo sexual arrousal either ... the world is full of wonder, ain't it?
posted by From Bklyn at 6:12 AM on November 12, 2009


Greg Nog: I recognize that the comment about Adam Buttons was a momentary character whipped up for the sake of satire

I may be misunderstanding what you mean here but Red Buttons' son is really named Adam (if the trivia section of Red Buttons' IMDB page is to be believed).
posted by Kattullus at 6:53 AM on November 12, 2009


A pitchfork is used to pitch (as in toss or throw) hay or straw.

I have used a pitchfork for pitching hay. They're pretty normal around here. In fact, a few years ago when through a hilarious series of mishaps I wound up stepping on a carving fork which buried itself in the bottom of my foot, I called the doctor to see if I needed a tetanus shot and his first question was "house fork or pitchfork?" I guess the latter is a more serious mishap. I got a shot anyhow.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:02 AM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]


I may be misunderstanding what you mean here but Red Buttons' son is really named Adam

Oh, I have no doubt that the interaction between Adam and jonson did occur back in high school; the satire-of-pettiness lies in the idea that jonson, after all these years, is still holding on to whatever grudge he may have had. I mean, the beauty of the comment's tone-deaf self-centeredness, to me, is that it proceeds as a sort of one-upmanship in the mind of the embittered-adult-who-can't-let-go character jonson was writing as:

1) Adam acts like a jackass; +1 to Adam!
2) jonson makes Adam cry; +1 to jonson!
3) jonson subsequently gets sent to the principal's office: +1 to Adam!
...two decades pass, during which time, jonson grows up, gets a job, starts a family, but can NEVER FORGET the slight...
4) Adam's father dies: +1 to jonson!

While I'm sure the high-school story is accurate, the following twenty years capped by the "Oh HO! Who is the winner NOW?" comment is, I think, as fantastic a joke as the similarly-grudgey Fuck You, Clown joke, or the At Least I Won The Mums joke from the TV show another commenter quoted.
posted by Greg Nog at 7:08 AM on November 12, 2009


I know, but I see signs saying "ATM Machine inside" all the time,

I used to see this all the time on pumps at gas stations, and for a while, it really bothered me.

That's when I discovered that if you just turn the pump on, cross the street, and shoot it with a flare gun, those stickers don't last long at all.

Sometimes you need to take a tough-love approach to redundant acronyms to make your point.
posted by quin at 7:30 AM on November 12, 2009


I thought a pitchfork was used to make me feel old because I've never even heard OF any of these goddamn bands.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:42 AM on November 12, 2009


I just want to clear something up...

Yeah, two seconds before I posted my response, the thought crossed my mind that I could be wildly misinterpreting the tone of your comment , since you have a sense of humour and don't seem like a grudgy sort of guy. And then I figured, well hey, if I'm barking up the wrong tree on this someone'll set me straight, and as a bonus, maybe there's a slim chance jonson would be tempted to return if this MeTa became a big huge jonson lovefest and word somehow got back to him.

So, apologies for getting it wrong, and thanks for clearing it up so darn graciously!

Heh, big huge jonson lovefest.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:12 AM on November 12, 2009


> The tar is already hot. I'm just waiting for languagehat to get here so that we can get this party started.

I'm here and I've got a pitchfork!

No, really, I actually own a pitchfork and have used it to turn over a compost heap. I'm a country boy now.

Come back, jonson!
posted by languagehat at 10:02 AM on November 12, 2009


Imagine a complex contraption with a large shaft covered in whale penis leather.

That's a real dork joke.





nobody will get this why am I so alone
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:34 AM on November 12, 2009 [4 favorites]


No, really, I actually own a pitchfork and have used it to turn over a compost heap. I'm a country boy now.

That's nothing-- I own a pitchfork which I have not only used to turn over a compost heap but also used to clean out a chicken coop. And I don't even live in the country!

posted by dersins at 11:37 AM on November 12, 2009


I don't own a pitchfork but I do have a Masai-style spear that (could) impale flesh much easier. It kind of frightens me so I just keep it locked up.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:54 AM on November 12, 2009


I got the dork joke!!!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:38 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]


NOBODY ASK JESSAMYN FOR PICTURES
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:58 PM on November 12, 2009


too late!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:02 PM on November 12, 2009 [1 favorite]


Thank goodness for mods who know their cues!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:03 PM on November 12, 2009


From Bklyn: "136A pitchfork is used to pitch (as in toss or throw) hay or straw.

Sonofabitch! Well paint me blue and call be a booby. To 'pitch' hay. My second guess was going to be that a pitch fork was used in helping to pitch a tent. I know, I know, I couldn't figure out how a 'fork' would be used for solo sexual arrousal either ... the world is full of wonder, ain't it
"

I was just trying to be helpful. I figured someone "From Bklyn" might not have seen very many pitchforks in the concrete jungle.

If you find pitchforks sexually arousing, you may want to get some CBT for that.

I stole that last one from cortex. Yes. Yes I did.
posted by double block and bleed at 2:49 PM on November 12, 2009


Sometimes a Fist Fucker is just a Future Farmer....
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:23 PM on November 12, 2009


qvantamon: "*hands IndigoRain an FPP purity ring"

Why thank you, qvantamon. I wonder what I'm saving myself for.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:30 AM on November 13, 2009


Sometimes a Fist Fucker is just a Future Farmer...

I dunno, I've (well, you kind of just run into these things, don't you?) seen fist fuckers on the internet now and I don't think I can imagine any of them going into Agriculture.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:34 AM on November 13, 2009


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