Everyone needs....some drugs.

January 7, 2010 7:53 PM

Anyone else think it's time for an "everyone needs a hug" thread?

Is it the new year? Anyone else think the moods been kinda...dark around these parts lately?

posted by nevercalm to MetaFilter-Related at 7:53 PM (104 comments total)

A few of us were just over here feeling some great big happy feelings. I think that thread there is honestly the most shiny I've felt in a while. Seriously, dip in and peruse some faves—I guarantee it'll make you feel all gushy.
posted by koeselitz at 7:57 PM on January 7, 2010

I always read gushy as gunshy for some reason.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:58 PM on January 7, 2010

Everyone always needs a hug. Sometimes, though, you can't the hug you need here.

pb is working on that, though
posted by localhuman at 7:58 PM on January 7, 2010

Aren't they one and the same?
posted by nevercalm at 8:00 PM on January 7, 2010

I'm sorry everybody! Okay? Can I be everybody's friend again?
posted by marxchivist at 8:04 PM on January 7, 2010

I guarantee it'll make you afraid of guns.
posted by koeselitz at 8:16 PM on January 7, 2010

I don't like being touched by strangers.
posted by shelleycat at 8:23 PM on January 7, 2010 [5 favorites]

I'll take (and give) all of shelleycats hugs. I sure could use one.
posted by bilabial at 8:30 PM on January 7, 2010

I love you Metafilter. I rarely comment because I usually come late and read entire threads and someone has already said what I want to say. Or I am too worked up and wait for someone smarter, calmer and more eloquent than myself to respond.

Being that way makes me more invisible, but it doesn't decrease my love for this site. You have all taught me a ton and I appreciate it.

However, I too am skeeved out by hugs from people I don't know!
posted by Seamus at 8:34 PM on January 7, 2010 [7 favorites]

Is a hug something you give with a clue stick?

No?
posted by LarryC at 8:42 PM on January 7, 2010

mefites get ready

i am coming for you with my big arms

i am coming to hug you mefites

put on your hugging parka because you will need it

you hear me mefites it is that time

that time for hugging
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:44 PM on January 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

Stop me from hugging. (No, seriously. I can't do this on my own.)
posted by crataegus at 8:54 PM on January 7, 2010

Hey Metafilter!

If I could hug you all, I would hug you all like this you know

Love

P.S. Not sarcastic
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:01 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yes, I would like lots of hugs please. But I like hugs with a strong, solid embrace, not half-assed ones with the back patting.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:03 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

I've been away from the site for a while. Last I was reading, all that Quonsar-thanking was going on. Then, I got busy with a lot of things, one of them being watching Back to the Future II.

I just came back and - BLAOW! That huge St. Alia thread! And the linked homophobia thread!

And then I was like "GREAT SCOTT! Marty, it's 2010 and MetaFilter is in trouble! Let's get back in the DeLorean."
posted by ignignokt at 9:15 PM on January 7, 2010

However, I too am skeeved out by hugs from people I don't know!

I don't like being hugged by people I do know. So go nuts. HUG ME. Just don't try to get to know me.
posted by saturnine at 9:15 PM on January 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
posted by Lynsey at 9:29 PM on January 7, 2010

Man 'gunshy' is all sorts of an awesome word and I always forget it exists. I hereby resolve to use it more.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:32 PM on January 7, 2010

You can't spell "thug" without "hug". Just sayin'.
posted by Rumple at 9:56 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

nevercalm: "Aren't they one and the same"

I think they're one and the same,
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be...
Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.
posted by IndigoRain at 10:11 PM on January 7, 2010

Wow, it's like Thunderdome in that thread down there. I think we all need to put on some Japancakes or Odd Nosdam and just chill. Anyone want a green tea mochi?
posted by Bookhouse at 10:18 PM on January 7, 2010

I'd participate but it was recently pointed out to me that I simply don't know how to hug. Honestly. I never know if the left arm should go upwards and the right around the waist, or vice versa, and I do this little dance and bash both arms of the person trying to hug me and then they try to compensate so they move THEIR arms but by then I've switched back, and it ends up with me leaning in and getting kissed on the ear, or I accidentally turn my face the wrong way and kiss an almost complete stranger on the eyeball, and it's apparently disastrously awkward for everyone and I've been doing it for years. Is there some set of rules for this? Did everyone on the planet take a class and I was sick that day?

To sum up: I would hug you all, but you do not want me to.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:25 PM on January 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

Is there some set of rules for this?

I'm generally shorter than everyone I hug so my arms just go around the waist/middle torso and I put my head on the person's chest or shoulder. The few people I do hug that are shorter than me (like kids), I put my arms over their shoulders and bring my hands together on the upper part of their back. I think for the people that are the same height as me (like my mom), I wrap my arms under their armpits and rest my chin on the shoulder with my face angled away from theirs. This has always come naturally to me though and this is the first time I've actually stopped to think about my hugging style. I think the key is to be comfortable with it though.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 10:32 PM on January 7, 2010

I kind of like the idea of a hugging class.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 10:32 PM on January 7, 2010

I would attend this class. We could call it HugMe and it would scar us all for life.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:34 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

I appreciate the idea, but I'm not really a hugger. I mostly shuffle my feet and look around with a pained expression. I'm also not much of a drinker, but will readily accept a beer if offered. After enough beers, I may accept hugs.
posted by empyrean at 10:42 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

What about side hugs? I don't really like side hugs very much, but some of my friends do the side hug thing and I accommodate them. I appreciate that a full-frontal hug can be a bit too much in a lot of instances, but, man, a side hug always feels like just half a hug. I always think, "Why did you offer to give me a hug at all? I wasn't pressuring you for it." There's a proper friend hug zone, I guess. Somewhere between full-frontal and side.

I can overthink a plate of hugs. Here's to all of you, Metafilter, with especially nice wishes for the mods. I'm sure they're glad when the rest of us are done with the holidays.
posted by lilywing13 at 11:13 PM on January 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

What about side hugs?

Is that the one-armed squeeze from the side? That's an improvement. Or would someone be sneaking up from my periphery and latching on with both arms? That might not go well, but I recognize that I need to work on my social skills.
posted by empyrean at 11:21 PM on January 7, 2010

"I kind of like the idea of a hugging class."

Dear Mary Dellamorte. It just so happens that I teach a class called The History Hugging 101: the Art of the Hug. We cover such subjects as the side hug, advanced groping, and for my best students an intensive session I like to call the Creepy Grandpa. Memail me for details.
posted by vronsky at 11:25 PM on January 7, 2010

My brother had to take hugging lessons at work. The oft-vilified sidehug? Turna out it's a pretty complex technique and it's not as easy as it looks.

So my brother works for the YMCA. He's a coach for a bunch of afterschool elementary school sports programs. The YMCA, it turns out, has a very strict hugging policy - conformance with which requires studious practice.

You see, when you work with little people, especially as you empower them through a physical activity, they tend to get... huggy. My brother says that the last minute strafe into a sidehug is petty hard to pull off. It took him a while to get.

But the alternative is that he gives a huggy unsuspecting elementary schooler a faceful of penis.

So: sidehugs for everyone!

Unless you want a faceful of penis.
posted by greekphilosophy at 11:32 PM on January 7, 2010 [5 favorites]

empyrean, yeah, a side hug is what I call the one-armed squeeze from the side while facing opposite directions. Frankly, I'd prefer it if it was facing the same way and just one arm across the back, which is how I tend to hug my pals. I have friends I can sidle up to and put my arm around them and my head on their shoulder, and it's nice, comforting, and has the bonus of being non-sexual.

The opposite facing side hug is like an awkward dance move. All armpit and no cuddle.

on preview: greekphilosophy's brother seems to have a great technique. And that's a totally great use of side hugs.

and because I don't think I've done this before...

Metafilter: Unless you want a faceful of penis.
posted by lilywing13 at 11:40 PM on January 7, 2010

I, too, am an awkward hugger. Maybe it's because, growing up, I was almost always taller than most of the people I was hugging, but I never know where to put my arms. Do I put both of the over the other person's shoulders? Because then I feel like I'm enveloping them rather than hugging them. But if I do one arm under and one over, the shorter person has to lift one of their arms to a weird degree. Plus, I never know what to do with my head, which usually sticks up awkwardly, without anything to rest on.

And yet, hugs are awesome. I will freely hug any other awkward huggers. We will either produce something so massively uncomfortable that neither of us will attempt to hug anyone again, or our two superpowers will combine to form the most perfect hug the planet has ever encountered. Angels will weep to view it.
posted by Salieri at 11:46 PM on January 7, 2010

I'll take my hug with the faceful of penis on the side, please.

(you know, just in case anyone else wants an extra of faceful of penis or anything)
posted by Navelgazer at 11:56 PM on January 7, 2010

Salieri: "Do I put both of the over the other person's shoulders?"

I believe it was Reba McEntire who I heard, years ago on TV, repeatedly refer to this as "hugging my neck." Until that point I had never considered the possible difference between a "hug" and a "neck hug."
posted by IndigoRain at 12:07 AM on January 8, 2010

HUG
LIFE
4EVA
posted by Pronoiac at 12:12 AM on January 8, 2010

I know there are some people out there who think having kids is pointless, and you may be right, but I gotta tell ya, there's nothing quite like having your kid walk up to you apropos of nothing to squeeze you as hard as they can and tell you they love you.

although the magic is somewhat diminished if said hug is immediately followed with "so NOW can I have a rocket popsicle?"
posted by davejay at 12:27 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

TIME FOR GROUP HUG
posted by Kattullus at 1:27 AM on January 8, 2010

I'd much rather be groped if it's all right with you.
posted by chillmost at 3:48 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

as my digital hug, i offer to you, metafilter, an apology.

i am sorry for some of the ways i've expressed myself in the last few days. while i don't think my opinions were out of line, i do think the way i chose to express some of them was not keeping in line with the spirit of "everyone needs a hug". i commented a few weeks ago that i was trying to type things and then leave them open in the tab to see if i still wanted to say it 30 minutes later. i'm going to redouble my efforts to do this again, especially if a topic is making me feel all stabby.

i've always had a tongue quicker than my brain. as a child my mom had me read "silver boxes: the gift of encouragement", and while i don't agree with the religious underpinnings anymore, there is some good in remembering that "[my] words should be like little silver boxes with bows on top". if i can't make my words little presents and if the topic doesn't make me feel like hugging anyone, i should remember that no one wins at the internet and the only way hearts and minds can be opened is through honest and respectful discourse.

so - i'm sorry metafilter. i endeavor to do and be better.

now, hugs for everyone! but i find the side hug creepy so side-huggers can just hug each other.
posted by nadawi at 4:17 AM on January 8, 2010

Hugs all around. I love this community. /gushy
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:31 AM on January 8, 2010

Hmmm, yesterday I started, but never posted, a MeTa thread about adding vacation time for users based on the idea that everyone could use a bit less THIS DISCUSSION IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT AND WE GO BACK FORTH FOREVER.

Basically everyone would have a week or two where they would be unable to login and comment or post. They system would default to a few days around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Otherwise users could schedule their vacation time down to half day slots, any time they wanted.

One of the best things about the site is that it's here 24/7. That's also one of it's worst features. No one, not even the mods needs to be here all the time and those who do insist on being here all the time ('cept for the mods) could probably stand vacation from here.

No sick leave though, but bagels every Friday would nice.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:33 AM on January 8, 2010

Gunshy, center me on Sam.
posted by Eideteker at 4:36 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

DRUGS NOT HUGS
posted by Joseph Gurl at 4:36 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

The system would default to a few days around Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Oh yeah, that would go down well.
posted by modernnomad at 5:13 AM on January 8, 2010

Basically everyone would have a week or two where they would be unable to login and comment or post.

Could you donate part of it to people who need more time off, just like donating some leave to a sick co-worker who has exhausted all of his/her vacation and/or sick time?
posted by fixedgear at 5:21 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs


please take one.
posted by ocherdraco at 5:21 AM on January 8, 2010

hug * from users where username<>'FishBike'

(And why doesn't SQL have a hug command really? It should!)
posted by FishBike at 5:28 AM on January 8, 2010

hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs      hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs

Thanks, ocherdraco!
posted by Kattullus at 5:58 AM on January 8, 2010 [5 favorites]

Got a meetup tonight. There might be some hugging.
posted by rtha at 5:59 AM on January 8, 2010

Anyone else think the moods been kinda...dark around these parts lately?

People sure have stepped up the posting of obits, or posts motivated by someone's passing away. It's kind of a negative cloud hanging around.
posted by smackfu at 6:06 AM on January 8, 2010

I need a hug. As much as people were posting "2009 suxed!" and I personally do have high hopes for 2010, this first week of '10 has been so G-DDAMN DIFFICULT that it's felt like it's taken an entire month.

Hugs are at the top of my list of things I need. Next items: cheese. naps.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:10 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

So my brother works for the YMCA. He's a coach for a bunch of afterschool elementary school sports programs. The YMCA, it turns out, has a very strict hugging policy - conformance with which requires studious practice.

I can attest to this. I worked at a YMCA run preschool and G-DDAMN is it hard to conform to "NO HUGGING" with two year olds. We could have kids sit on our laps without our arms around them, but we weren't allowed full-on hugs. One arm hug? Fine. Two arm hug? No way.

Yeah. Enforcing that with toddlers grabbing you all the time is pretty damn difficult, but man are they ever TOTALLY SERIOUS about it.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:14 AM on January 8, 2010

hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs




shy
posted by Pastabagel at 6:24 AM on January 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

I'm just having to watch for creeping crankiness because I am without my glasses for a few days pending repairs. I have contact lenses that render me legally able to drive, walk around without running into walls, wear domino masks, etc, but they don't correct things quite as well and leave my eyes tired. So I have to keep running the reality check - "Was that person I just spoke to really being egregiously dim, or are my tolerances artificially lowered today?"

As far as hugs go, I like hugs. I wear my hair up with little sticks quite often (you can see 'em in my profile pic, though I do buns more often than those horn-thingys) and deliberately got shorter sticks than most folks use. You see, on average, the top of a woman's head is about at the same height as a man's eyes. And, well, I find that most men I like well enough to hug, I also like well enough not to poke their eyes out.

Come to think of it, I have my glasses off and my hair down today. I wonder when the "Good heavens Miss Sakamoto, you're beautiful!" effect will kick in.
posted by Karmakaze at 6:32 AM on January 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Guys, I'm sorry. I've probably made about a billion bad comments and mediocre posts. This site deserves better than me. :(
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:52 AM on January 8, 2010

And if you can't be with the one you hug honey
Hug the one you're with.
posted by Sailormom at 7:31 AM on January 8, 2010

Karmakaze - about once a week I jab my husband in the eye with whatever combination of chopsticks, pens, pencils, twigs, and knitting needles I have used to keep my mop out of my eyes. Somehow, he still wants to hug me. I must be super-huggable.
posted by Wroksie at 7:49 AM on January 8, 2010

Basically everyone would have a week or two where they would be unable to login and comment or post.

I hate this idea, but am still in favor of it.

I hate it because it's way too nanny state. Anyone that's not mature enough to take a self imposed timeout when needed should get one by the mods. Simple.

I'm in favor of it because it would be fun to see how a few users would react.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:05 AM on January 8, 2010

should get one by the mods.

That's actually more nanny state than something arbitrary, I'd think. Come to think of it, this week has been a little tough.

- I had to time someone out last night who was clearly drunk posting 696969420OMG nonsense in his own AskMe thread.
- Today I read the obits in a certain town looking to see if a certain depressed member had committed suicide [looks like no].
- I also talked to people at ibiblio about memorializing/archiving Brad Graham's web content.
- I gave Tara Press a MeFi account so that we could close the account that she's been using of her deceased husband Bageena
- I got email from another member basically saying that I was what's wrong with the site, how "my responses always disappoint" oof.

The usual good things have also happened. Nice emails. Funny twitter peeps. Some Sctabble victories [and one crushing defeat!] And my IRL life is going just fine thank you. Most days this job is one of those things that is so delightful -- so many nice interactions with so many interesting people -- that I could get paid in sand. This week I've been glad I'm drawing a paycheck. Thanks for the hugs and whatever schmoopy whatnot folks have generated. It's appreciated.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:29 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs      hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs      hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs
hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs

Katullus took one, but jessamyn, I'm giving one to you. Here: hugs
posted by ocherdraco at 8:37 AM on January 8, 2010

bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 
bugs  bugs bugs bugs bugs bugs 

posted by Artw at 8:46 AM on January 8, 2010

Every time I see comments from you Artw, I come back to this one and grin no matter what you are saying at the moment.

"kitty bus!"
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:49 AM on January 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Most days this job is one of those things that is so delightful -- so many nice interactions with so many interesting people -- that I could get paid in sand. This week I've been glad I'm drawing a paycheck.

If it's any consolation, I think there's something about this week because I could say THE VERY SAME THING even though we have very different jobs.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:53 AM on January 8, 2010

Yeah, we all need a hug. From my perspective it's been a strange start to the New Year around here - sad news and fighty threads. The site has just left me feeling down more than up so far in 2010...maybe that's a problem with my perspective at the moment, but when I start thinking about taking a vacation from reading MetaFilter, I start to think something is seriously wrong with the world.

So a hug from my to anyone who needs it.
posted by never used baby shoes at 9:00 AM on January 8, 2010

Maybe what we really need is "Fighty Anonymous." You would sign up, and then, when [member of your choice] posts, instead of posting that angry/impassioned/drunk retort, you memail it to your sponsor, who talks you down. The bandwidth you save could be your own!

Once a week, we could have a MeTa thread where people post, "Hi, my name is [handle], and I am fighty."
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:02 AM on January 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

I hate it because it's way too nanny state.

Yeah, that's partially why I never posted it. However, part of the reason I wanted to post it is realizing how many people could use a nanny ever now and then. Mostly I'm currently fascinated by always on systems and what sort of impact that has to an individual and a community. Previously, things (ex: money, food, gas) in society were only available at certain times, forcing people to either plan or go without. If something is available at all times, does it lose value and if so, in what ways does that change the relationship between the person and the thing?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:09 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

However, part of the reason I wanted to post it is realizing how many people could use a nanny ever now and then.

NOT IT. I am totally in no mood. I can hardly handle being a nanny to my own charges this week.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:19 AM on January 8, 2010

"I kind of like the idea of a hugging class."

For some reason, I read this as social-class rather than lesson-class. I was picturing a whole class of people who had the social expectation to hug members of other classes.

It could lead to all kinds of fun social and family situations. "I don't approve of my new brother-in-law, he's very hugging class. Not our kind of people at all."
posted by generichuman at 9:19 AM on January 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Hey, I am an AWESOME kitty bus.

Sadly these days I am more often asked to act in my capacity as King Triton, King of the Seas.

Oh, also I am apparently also the Old Man from Millions of Cats. That's how old you think I am, kid? Jeez.
posted by Artw at 9:23 AM on January 8, 2010

I hadn't encountered Millions of Cats before and just read the Wikipedia article... and holy cow, that is the most messed up thing I've ever heard. Kids must LOVE it.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:41 AM on January 8, 2010

I don't like the hugs but the hugs like me.
posted by rocket88 at 9:51 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}
posted by jock@law at 9:59 AM on January 8, 2010

(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)
(bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs) (bugs)

(now the bugs have hugs!!)
posted by The Devil Tesla at 10:04 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I recently found a copy of Million of Cats in a local thrift store (Austin) and read it in the store where my initial reaction was "awesome!" then "wait... what?". It had crayon scribbles in it so it must have been loved at one time.
posted by collocation at 10:05 AM on January 8, 2010

}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, I HATE YOU PEOPLE{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
posted by eyeballkid at 10:06 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think I need a hug of gratitude for staying the hell away from these silly threads.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:12 AM on January 8, 2010

Just so you know whenwe read it the cats all CHASED each other away. No kitty cannibalism.

Well, unless I forget to change the words. Kid seems faily undisturbed by that actually.
posted by Artw at 10:24 AM on January 8, 2010

Snug as a bug in a hug!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:29 AM on January 8, 2010

Hugging 101:

1.) Shoulder grab: Grip persons upper bicep and bring your face near theirs. Not a real hug.

2.) The one arm hug: one shoulder touches as that arm goes around their back. Other arm remains free. This is good if in a constrained location, carrying packages, or hugger may need to draw a weapon mid-hug.

3.) The full hug (acquaintances): both shoulders touch, both hands go around back, one may be placed high (between shoulders) and one may be placed in small of back. Waists should remain apart. Some may slap or pound back with high hand to defuse what may be perceived as an awkward moment.

4.) The full hug (loved ones): same as acquaintance hug, however waists can touch. Back slapping is unneeded and may seem odd.

5.) Bearhug: both arms go around waist as high as possible, person is clutched tightly and if possible lifted off ground. Ideally, hugger should saw something like "RAAAAWR!" when attempting. Note: do not shake, this turns the hug into a form of assault.

Note: unless you are a "loved one" use extreme caution when deploying the hug-rub (rubbing the others back mid-hug), this is an advanced level move and more often than not will turn a nice moment uncomfortable.

Addendum: Using a hug-rub specifically as a device to turn a moment uncomfortable is mean spirited. Only use on friends you wish to see blush.
posted by quin at 10:38 AM on January 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

What is this, MetaChat, or something??

okay, {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs and smooches}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for all y'all.
posted by theora55 at 10:55 AM on January 8, 2010

GenjiandProust:Once a week, we could have a MeTa thread where people post, "Hi, my name is [handle], and I am fighty."

And then everyone would hug.
posted by Kattullus at 10:56 AM on January 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

fergot teh link. mecha
posted by theora55 at 10:56 AM on January 8, 2010

3.) The full hug (acquaintances): both shoulders touch, both hands go around back, one may be placed high (between shoulders) and one may be placed in small of back. Waists should remain apart. Some may slap or pound back with high hand to defuse what may be perceived as an awkward moment.

Ugh, this is considered a full hug? I hate these kinds of hugs. I've pretty much only received them from girls with very long, thin, cold hands, who find it necessary to gingerly and stiffly pat my back.

I'd give all of ya'll real hugs (and my hands are warm!).
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:01 PM on January 8, 2010

I still think it's a slippery slope from hugs to cuddle parties, but a nice friendly sock on the arm would be OK.
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:05 PM on January 8, 2010

FelliniBlank, like this?
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:09 PM on January 8, 2010

Exactly! I feel much more cheerful now!
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:22 PM on January 8, 2010

Years back, I spent some time in France. There I got to experience the classic Gallic cheek-kiss demi-hug. How many kisses are involved is a matter of some regional variation. Mostly I ran into two (one on each cheek) or four (the two repeated). I tended to hesitate a bit after the first pair to see if I was dealing with a 2- or 4-person. At one point, I did this, and the young man asked, "Oh, in America is it only two?" I had to bite on "No, in America we don't touch one another!" (Rather, I explained that in America, a handshake is the more common gesture for formal introduction.)
posted by Karmakaze at 12:44 PM on January 8, 2010

3.) The full hug (acquaintances): both shoulders touch, both hands go around back, one may be placed high (between shoulders) and one may be placed in small of back. Waists should remain apart. Some may slap or pound back with high hand to defuse what may be perceived as an awkward moment.

Ugh, this is considered a full hug? I hate these kinds of hugs. I've pretty much only received them from girls with very long, thin, cold hands, who find it necessary to gingerly and stiffly pat my back.

Weirdly, I always mentally classify this type of hug as The Bony Woman Hug. Because that's the type of person I have always gotten them from. [NOT BONIEST]
posted by oneirodynia at 12:54 PM on January 8, 2010

Hug the fuck of of 'em Philippe!
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 12:56 PM on January 8, 2010

Man, my life has been emotionally knocked pillar to post so much these days that I'll take whatever hugs I can get.

And while I'm at it, allow me to offer my apologies to any and all that I have offended.
posted by Relay at 1:07 PM on January 8, 2010

How To Give A Great Man To Man Hug
posted by ZsigE at 1:20 PM on January 8, 2010

i have taken several of the offered hugs above. mefi has actually been mostly happy for me still, but i've been in hellish relationship limbo for a few weeks now and aside from the general fear and hope and anxiety and jealousy and anger and everything else that goes with that, it's really really hard to read about anything related to couples or sex or love. luckily there isn't a whole lot of that here for the most part.

i'm not really sure what i'm saying here. aside from... yeah, some of us need a hug, and are sick of hearing "happy new years". cause it's not, really.
posted by flaterik at 2:23 PM on January 8, 2010

I got email from another member basically saying that I was what's wrong with the site, how "my responses always disappoint" oof.

To counter that, I can say that the postcard you sent me a few months back after Amy's death really brightened my day. "Oooh! Postcard... FROM JESSAMYN!!!!!!!!" *dance*

MeFi, as a group, is one of the reasons I'm still alive. I can say that without bullshitting. More than once, re-reading the two threads I posted about Amy's passing helped pull me out of a severe depression and realize that hey, I'm still here - tomorrow is another day that I don't have to be afraid of.

Houston MeFites give the best hugs.
posted by mrbill at 2:28 PM on January 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Tonight, I will see friends who give the best snuggly, smooshy, full-body, sure-to-freak-out-people-uncomfortable-with-hugging hugs (though they are sensitive types who accommodate the non-hugginess of others as well). I will have a surplus, so whoever wants those sorts of hugs may have some from me.

Since I have many brothers, I am also acclimated to the percussive man-hug, for those who prefer their backs heartily slapped in the course of hugging.

Karmakaze, the fact that there are regional variations across Europe never fails to wrong-foot me when I see one of my European friends. Is it 2 kisses? 3? 4? What side do we start from? I never know!
posted by EvaDestruction at 2:52 PM on January 8, 2010

I've realised I dropped one probably grouchy sounding comment above then wandered off. Which is not at all what I intended. I'm actually a cheerful upbeat person irl, am very friendly and outgoing but am also easily distracted. This thread deserves better than crap like that, sorry!

I do find the whole touchytouchy thing weird and really genuinely don't like being touched by people I don't know very well. Vouchers for a massage is not a good gift for me. I can handle some degree of closeness with people I am familiar with and have certain friends who I know like hugs and whom I will even initiate a hug with myself. I may even secretly like the hugs I get (which is surprisingly often). And I adore cuddles from my boyfriend and my cats and am actually very tactile touchyfeely in general. But I'm a weirdly suppressed, stiff upper lip, more british than the british kiwi with the wide personal space to match, and it's all kind of screwed me up such that all this hugging talk makes me ooky.
posted by shelleycat at 6:29 PM on January 8, 2010

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOs

Hugs and Kisses
posted by bjgeiger at 6:30 PM on January 8, 2010

Ah, a hug? A hug??!! WTF? I pay my taxes!! Doesn't the state provide for special hug centers for those who need hugs? What do I look like, a bleedin' octopus??

oH WHAT THE HELL

But this is the last time I get all gushy around here....

[[[[ Hug Hug pat pat etc...] ]]]


Everytime I participate in these strange group outpourings of whateverthehellitis on the blue. I feel like a dork and embarassed for days afterwards...and I'm just like, why that affection for people, I only know online, albeit close to a decade. I cringe a bit. Then I worry if I met most of you I'd probably hate your guts, but that was proved wrong at the 10th Mefi Meet Up in NYC, where without a break in the pattern everyone was an extraordinarily bright and lovely good egg. Okay, maybe not everybody...there were a few people who looked at me like I was retarded for being so excited to be there, but I think they were crashers, but all in all I wasn't disappointed.

Anyhow, is this like...a cult now?? And if it is, can we sacrifice someone on the alter of Satan?

Just asking...

um...hug.
posted by Skygazer at 8:11 PM on January 8, 2010

I just can't help but wonder how many of you are robots. I keep thinking I'm going to get this really hilarious email someday where someone thanks me for my participation as a subject in an artificial intelligence experiment - and alerting me to the fact that I've spent the last god-knows-how-long giggling at the wry and witty commentary of a bunch of robots.

Even if you are a robot, I will still hug you. [NOT ROBOTIST.]
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:53 PM on January 8, 2010

And what about Seitan's Altar? Is that where we sacrifice the vegetarians?
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:54 PM on January 8, 2010

Altair is being altered to become Satan's Altar. All will be fine shortly.

For some value of fine.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:25 AM on January 9, 2010

Hugs are the original socialism.
posted by secret about box at 5:41 AM on January 9, 2010

greekphilosophy: I keep thinking I'm going to get this really hilarious email someday where someone thanks me for my participation as a subject in an artificial intelligence experiment

Wait? Didn't you know? MetaFilter is an artificial intelligence experiment. Andre Patel got his doctorate a while ago but he still shows up every once in a while at New England meetups. I think he's a professor at one of the UMass schools.
posted by Kattullus at 5:46 AM on January 9, 2010

Dammit Kattullus Shut it > class Obj2 extends Obj
{ Obj2(int x) { super({1,x,3}); } // illegal

Obj2(int x) // 'obvious' solution (note code follows super() call)
{ super();
int a[] = {1,x,3};
init(a);
}

Obj2(int x) { super(t(x)); } // contrived solution
private int t(int x)[] { int a[] = {1,x,3}; return a; }


Ding!

Hug....hug.
posted by Skygazer at 12:21 PM on January 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Finally mature enough to be okay with hugs - although still unlikely to be the hugger - but as a smaller-sized female let me remind the taller, bulkier people of earth that I do not want to be picked up and swund around. (I mean, unless you already know I want that from you, I don't want that.) Why? Who decided it was okay to pick people up like we're puppies?

This is kind of a non-huggy post. See how I am still hug-impaired. When is that class?
posted by Lesser Shrew at 8:55 PM on January 10, 2010