Don't Hurt Me, Please!

March 17, 2010 12:10 AM

Something quirky I noticed about MeFi (for me, at least)

I'm afraid I'm gonna get slammed for saying this, but I was just sitting here reading the site, and I had a thought kind of click about it. I've noticed that some days on MeFi, AskMeFi, or MetaTalk I find almost every single post amazing while other days my reaction is along the lines of, "Huh? That's it for today?" meaning nothing really piques my interest in any meaningful way.

Perhaps it's my mood each day, but I doubt it. Some days I'm taking notes in text files, copying and pasting, and bookmarking stuff like crazy. Other days, I come in, browse through, don't find much and leave without ever even logging in.

I was curious if anyone else ever found themselves feeling similarly on some days. And please don't get me wrong, most days I read here are much more middle of the road. However, I did notice the extremes...

...which brings me to the part about where I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get piled on...

That extreme interest one day and extreme disinterest on another? I realized that's how it is lot of times when I catch episodes of, "Jeopardy!"

I hardly ever watch the show any more, but it always seemed like each episode was either one where I knew a surprising number of them (we're talking hot, for me!) or I was completely clueless.

Any thoughts?

posted by InsertNiftyNameHere to MetaFilter-Related at 12:10 AM (342 comments total)

You posted a MeTa concerning your personal reaction to MeFi on a day by day basis?

Why not just post content you find interesting on the days you find boring?
posted by fourcheesemac at 12:19 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Do we amuse you? Are we clowns?
posted by Artw at 12:22 AM on March 17, 2010 [26 favorites]

What did your analyst say about this?
posted by Cranberry at 12:24 AM on March 17, 2010

This must be one of the boring threads, huh?
posted by eyeballkid at 12:27 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

I have a thought. But I'm scared you're gonna think it's too far beneath you to be interesting!
posted by so_gracefully at 12:29 AM on March 17, 2010

It's almost like the content varies from day to day.
posted by trondant at 12:30 AM on March 17, 2010 [14 favorites]

Once upon a time
There was a pile of leaves on the ground
And under it
Was a mitten

Once upon a time
There was a pile of leaves on the ground
And under it
Was a mitten

Don't pick up the mitten, Joe
Don't pick up the mitten, Joe
Don't pick up the mitten, Joe
Don't pick up the mitten

Once upon a mitten
There was a pile of ground on the leaves
And beside it
Was a corn dog

Once upon a mitten
There was a pile of ground on the leaves
And beside it
Was a corn dog

Don't pick up the corn dog, Joe
Don't pick up the corn dog, Joe
Don't pick up the corn dog, Joe
Don't pick up the corn dog
posted by davejay at 12:31 AM on March 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

Hey my roommate likes Jeopardy too and sometimes I'll watch it with him over a sandwich but he's intensely competitive (unlike me). During the Daily Double he usually turns to me like, "He should bet it all. I would bet it all. You know why? I would have fucking ten thousand dollars by now." And I usually just stare blankly because— what do you say to that?

But my other roommate bakes stuff for us and I think he's making banana bread tonight. Do you like banana bread?
posted by yaymukund at 12:34 AM on March 17, 2010 [29 favorites]

Some days I'm happy. Some days I'm sad.
posted by crossoverman at 12:37 AM on March 17, 2010 [7 favorites]

OK, I guess I kinda asked for it.

Seriously, though, it was trippy there for a little while. :)

OK, everybody feel free to whale on me! (Like you didn't before) :)
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 12:42 AM on March 17, 2010

fourcheesemac: "You posted a MeTa concerning your personal reaction to MeFi on a day by day basis?

Why not just post content you find interesting on the days you find boring"

To be honest, I never seem to find any good stuff.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 12:45 AM on March 17, 2010

Confirmation bias.
posted by Rhomboid at 12:57 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: Perhaps it's my mood each day, but I doubt it.
posted by phaedon at 1:01 AM on March 17, 2010

So, some days X happens, other days the exact opposite, but really most of the time it's somewhere in between? Incisive observation you've got there.

(Post flagged as misunderstands Poisson distribution.)
posted by RogerB at 1:01 AM on March 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

When they debrief Israeli air combat pilots, they never focus on the things they did right, they never tell them "great job". They always focus on the errors.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:15 AM on March 17, 2010

I completely agree with everything that's been said here.



tomorrow, I might not.
posted by philip-random at 1:17 AM on March 17, 2010

1) To be honest, I never seem to find any good stuff.

2) Some days I'm taking notes in text files, copying and pasting, and bookmarking stuff like crazy.

3) ?

4) Profit
posted by fourcheesemac at 1:18 AM on March 17, 2010

Well, we are in a recession after all. Too much interesting stuff contributes to higher entropy rates and the heat death of the universe.

Haven't you seen the public service announcements? There's been heavy rationing of "interesting things" for a few years now. "STAY BORING FOR AMERICA" and all that, though I prefer the "YOU'RE NEVER TOO COOL FOR COMMUNISM" posters myself, though the nicely reworked "KEEP LUKEWARM AND DON'T CARRY ON SO MUCH, REALLY" are quite lovely and effective.

I can't remember which MeTa thread it was but a few years ago we all sat down together over a cold plate of beans and decided to save up the really interesting stuff and post it all at once in waves. (Where do you think overthinking a plate of beans comes from, anyway?) Posting the interesting stuff en masse helps with the electricity and bandwidth bills on the server if we take advantage of the off-peak rates and reduces the chances of someone using up all their excitement rations. On the boring days there's very little traffic load during peak hours. Every watt counts.

It's all very much voluntary and unofficial but we should all pitch in and help with the rationing. It's for our common good after all. For example: Since I'm a particularly excitable sort who sometimes gets awfully turned on by things as mundane as moss on bark or algae in a puddle I personally spend most of my off time sitting in the dark in a not particularly itchy burlap sack while eating paste and staring at a really remarkably blank spot on the wall. It's almost perfectly smooth and crack free, not at all glossy or shiny, very matte. Some days I chew old newspapers and pack the wet pulp in my ears, nose and eyes. But sometimes that's even too much excitement so I climb into my homemade sensory deprivation tank, close my eyes, plug my ears and hold my breath for as long as possible while thinking about as little as possible, but I can usually still hear my breathing and beating heart so I spend a lot of time down at the YMCA in their government-sanctioned anechoic chamber wrapped in blackout curtains and absolutely drowning in pink noise. A few days of that and my mind is as blank as a bucket of soggy low-texture vegetable protein.

But it's not all gruel and soggy wool in the eyes. I splurge occasionally. I'm ashamed to admit I lit a candle last week using a real wooden match, one of the old blue tipped strike anywhere models. That was amazing. I even let the match burn right down to my fingertips before I had to put it out, but I don't really have enough excitement ration coupons to pay for the adrenalin rush I got from that. My neighborhood Civil Defense chairman is going to give me hell for it, I'm sure, especially since on the same day I also watched an earthworm throwing castings out of its burrow for an hour while I nibbled on some old grass I found.

Don't tell anyone, but I even cheat sometimes. I made tea out of my old socks the other day. It reminded me of how delicious cheese was. I think my heart rate increased more than 20 beats per minute just thinking about cheese. Right, you don't remember what cheese was like. You probably don't remember milk, either, or cows. Sometimes I take stairs two or three at a time, or step on sidewalk cracks, or take really good, long looks at the moon. Sometimes I bite my tongue or lips just to get by. The other day I was feeling really daring and I thought about salsa for fifteen whole seconds before my general issue mandatory heart rate monitor rang the alarm and the Excitement Control Board painlessly shocked me unconscious for two days, but I deserved it.

Anyway... err, hang on, there's someone at the door. Right, it's the ECB, I was expecting this. I shouldn't be typing so much, and I'm in even more trouble because I'm excited about being in trouble. I'm a bad citizen, it's true. They're probably going to "brick" me in a block of body temperature gelatin and feed me runny wheat paste through a tube again. Last time they did that they had me in bricked and racked for a year after I thought for too long about a really toasty grilled cheese sandwich and bowl of tomato soup.

Oh, drat. I just accidentally thought about otters and ferrets. What the hell is wrong with me!? I'm sorry, I'll try harder.

Anyway, this is my entirely voluntary and calm reminder for everyone: Always wear your anti-excitement helmet, mittens and underwear. Keep your pink noise earplugs in. Don't stop and smell the flowers.
posted by loquacious at 1:24 AM on March 17, 2010 [35 favorites]

What did you have for lunch today?
posted by Afroblanco at 1:30 AM on March 17, 2010

Paste.
posted by loquacious at 1:31 AM on March 17, 2010 [8 favorites]

OK, I guess it's time to shell out another $5 and think of a new user name. I'll have to see if I can somehow get a pre-paid Visa or MC with a fake name for a truly anonymous transaction (when I find the courage to re-join in about 14 or so years).
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 1:41 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Any thoughts?

Many. Sadly, none of them are ones that I can share and remain the jovial, easygoing fellow I am justly celebrated to be.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:43 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh wait, I got one: cheese is pretty great.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:43 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I really wish my roommates would do the dishes more.
posted by koeselitz at 1:47 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Somewhat related.
posted by phaedon at 1:52 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm thinking of the days...
posted by Abiezer at 1:58 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was gonna rewrite the lyrics to the Velvet Underground song "Pale Blue Eyes" and make them all about MetaFilter and then post them in this thread but then I realized that I'm a lazy dullard and that it probably wouldn't have been all that funny anyway. So I didn't.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:13 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

You know insertniftynamehere, I sometimes feel that way when I visit the new books or staff picks section of the library. Sometimes there are 8 for 10 great books right in front of me, and my problem is I can't carry them all home in my bag because I'm walking, which is frustrating. Other days I tell myself I'm only going to spend 15 minutes in the library, and I feel frustrated, because I end up spending an hour trying to find something good, but just can't. Thousands of books in front of me, and....nothing.

I think on both types of days, I'm thinking about it wrong. That is, above all, I'd like to focus on the fact that I live in a world where there is a place as wonderful as a library, that has an incredible range of books, that are free, that I can read, and that I'll never know what I'll find, and sometimes what I find is something wonderful, and sometimes what I find is that I have time to play the piano because I couldn't find a good book that day.

In short, it's all good. Because libraries are inherently a good idea. That's also how I feel about metafilter.

Artw's droll "Are we clowns? Do we amuse you?" hit me the just right way and unexpectedly made me snort out loud with laughter. And I actually had a pretty dramatic day, so I can't tell you how much I appreciated the moment. And if you think about it, that wouldn't have happened without you, Insertnifty. So don't go changin' your moniker with some silly sock puppet. How will your fans know if they are favoriting you in the future?
posted by anitanita at 2:18 AM on March 17, 2010 [9 favorites]

Zippity bop, then?
posted by vrakatar at 2:21 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was going to write a long, sort of rambly story that ends up being super ambivalent and about nothing in particular and not that interesting and doesn't have much in the way of punctuation.

But then I realized that i'd rather just go take a nap.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 3:08 AM on March 17, 2010

I was going to.
posted by flabdablet at 3:15 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'll take "Lazy Chatfilter Questions" for $20 SAIT.

How can a person have more MetaTalk activity than all of their other activity combined? Is it a MetaTalk question from a sock puppet?
posted by pracowity at 3:19 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

OK, I guess it's time to shell out another $5 and think of a new user name.

What? Why? You'll still be the same person, more or less. Unless you change, then you won't. But it doesn't really matter either way because people will either remember or they won't. Who cares? It's not that big of a deal.

It's not like you're some raging, shrieking asshole or expert manipulator or something. You just posted a mildly rambling, stoner-esque observation. If I may use both the general and royal "we", I would imagine we're all quite non-plussed and un-bloviated.

Here, have some paste. It's almost perfectly flavorless. Calms me right down every time.
posted by loquacious at 3:37 AM on March 17, 2010 [8 favorites]

I've noticed that some days on MeFi, AskMeFi, or MetaTalk I find almost every single post amazing while other days my reaction is along the lines of, "Huh? That's it for today?"

I've noticed that today I find every Meta post along the lines of, 'what the fuck's wrong with these people?'. Though other days are not like this.
posted by gman at 3:39 AM on March 17, 2010

InsertNiftyNameHere: OK, I guess it's time to shell out another $5 and think of a new user name.

Well, to be fair, you didn't even think of a name this time.
posted by crossoverman at 4:11 AM on March 17, 2010 [9 favorites]

If I could make a post as pure and strange as what I see,
I'd put it on the front page,
I put in front of me.
I put in front of me.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.

Waste a night completely.
Stuff it in a cup.
Invent ponies to fill up your time,
Fit rhymes that can't stand up.
Donuts on a pup.
Linger on, your pale grey eyes.
Linger on, your pale grey eyes.

It was good what we did yesterday.
And I'd do it once again.
The fact that she is married,
Only proves, she's my best friend.
But it's truly, truly a sin.
Linger on, you pale green eyes.
Linger on, you pale green eyes.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:16 AM on March 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

I get the impression it would be fun to get high with you.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:19 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Celebrity deaths come in threes....THREES!!!!
posted by DU at 4:22 AM on March 17, 2010

You haven't heard me sing.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:22 AM on March 17, 2010

It's all horrible, and such small portions!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:25 AM on March 17, 2010

I'm going to pretend this is AskMe and tell you to get a lawyer, see a doctor, dump him already, and stop masturbating.
posted by Pollomacho at 4:44 AM on March 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

I don't really understand. Not this post, but your earlier one in which you posted to MetaTalk about posting to MetaTalk. You seem to want to participate, which I think is good. I would suggest just commenting in more threads. You don't have to post. If you do, that's cool, but don't feel like you have to. But, you know, commenting is good.
posted by OmieWise at 4:56 AM on March 17, 2010

Reading this post I thought ol' sixie was back.
posted by BeerFilter at 5:11 AM on March 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

St. Patrick's Day is my birthday. My mom was gonna name me Pasquale, which becomes 'Pat' in American English, but she came to her senses. I'm going to the bar later, but not in the Erin Express green beer puke on your shoes way. More like craft beer Irish Whiskey corned beef and cabbage way.
posted by fixedgear at 5:14 AM on March 17, 2010

Now I'm just wondering if you are the only person on Metafilter to have only made Metatalk posts, with no FPPs on the blue or green. If it stays that way, I think you might get a special award at the 2011 Meffys.

(I'm trying to be nominated in the "Greatest Number of Typos" category, myself.)
posted by Pater Aletheias at 5:24 AM on March 17, 2010

I got engaged 27 years ago today.

To Ralph.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:04 AM on March 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

(Well, seemed as good a place as any to say it...)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:05 AM on March 17, 2010

and since then a lot has happened.
posted by gman at 6:06 AM on March 17, 2010

Now I'm just wondering if you are the only person on Metafilter to have only made Metatalk posts, with no FPPs on the blue or green. If it stays that way, I think you might get a special award at the 2011 Meffys.

My first two posts were MetaTalk posts, but I have since made up for it with a whopping THREE front page posts, so I'm out of that club.

It causes me some distress that I still have made more comments in MeTa than MeFi and AskMe combined.

Perhaps I will run some stats tonight and see how common both of these usage patterns are. And in so doing, I will make my own MeTa activity bias just that much worse I suppose.
posted by FishBike at 6:10 AM on March 17, 2010

Och Aye the noo yankie fuckers, today I pretend to be Oirish.
posted by Artw at 6:20 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

happy birthday fixedgear. It's my sister's birthday too! Unless you are my sister . . .
posted by Think_Long at 6:21 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

*crosses fingers* Please have Celtic Thunder on PBS tonight! Please have Celtic Thunder on PBS tonight! Please have Celtic Thunder on PBS tonight!
posted by Think_Long at 6:22 AM on March 17, 2010

I notice this too, something tells me it corresponds to the university midterm schedule: people build up interesting material pre-midterm, then completely let their mind free post-midterm, thus not many interesting posts and not many interesting discussions.

That said, this is an interesting post/discussion, please continue. ;)
posted by JoeXIII007 at 6:39 AM on March 17, 2010

This has to be the dumbest MetaTalk post I've ever seen. Seriously, do you even read Metatalk, OP?
posted by Justinian at 6:41 AM on March 17, 2010

OK, everybody feel free to whale on me!

We're whalers on InsertNiftyNameHere!
We carry a skin shirt, shifty shame smear!
But there ain't no whales
So we tell tall tales
We're whalers on InsertNiftyNameHere!

I would have been better off parodying "Pale Blue Eyes", I think.

Or, hell, even some Jon Spencer Blues Explosion.

posted by SpiffyRob at 6:41 AM on March 17, 2010

This has to be the dumbest MetaTalk post I've ever seen. Seriously, do you even read Metatalk, OP?

No. He just writes it.
posted by gman at 6:43 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

So all I want is lemon meringue pie, right? I mean, I don't even like meringue, but sometimes you just gotta take what you can get. And for a while there it's looking like the whole raspberry ice tea thing -- I ask every time and even though it's on the menu, they never have it. The same with lemon pie. Again and again. So in I go and grab a booth. My friends ask for raspberry ice tea. Heh. And they have it! I mean, this is amazing. I swear it's been years. The catch: I'm really not in the mood for raspberry ice tea today. But maybe it's A Sign. So I ask for lemon meringue pie, and lo and behold, they have that, too.

It was terrible. Just freaking awful. Gooey, sugary shit. And freaking meringue.

The morale of the story is just stay home and enjoy Metafilter.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:48 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

moral, even.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 6:49 AM on March 17, 2010

I disagree with Phillips-Van Heusen's 2010 subway campaign that it is even possible for one to be so handsome that they may wear an argyle vest over a half-tucked tartan shirt.
posted by applemeat at 7:08 AM on March 17, 2010

How can one not like MeFi when there are posts on both number theory and RegEx on the front page?
posted by Artw at 7:15 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

MetaTalk: Here, have some paste. It's almost perfectly flavorless. Calms me right down every time.
posted by zarq at 7:17 AM on March 17, 2010

Happy Anniversary, Alia! :)

Try the paste! It's delish!
posted by zarq at 7:18 AM on March 17, 2010

"The best salami from Budapest had been flown in. To take the 'curse' off such a lowly cold cut, Merv had ordered the most beautiful orchids placed at their table. Eva [Gabor] said that when she consumed salami, she always wanted to be wearing diamonds and surrounded by orchids. In fact, she'd called her tell-nothing memoir, 'Orchids & Salami.'" Excerpt from "Merv Griffin: A Life In The Closet"; 2009
posted by applemeat at 7:19 AM on March 17, 2010

What? WHAT? I didn't think there was anybody on earth who actually gave salami the respect it deserves. That's fabulous.
posted by OmieWise at 7:22 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Some days you get MetaFilter, and other days MetaFilter gets you.
posted by rocket88 at 7:37 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

It was good what we did yesterday
And I'd do it once again
The fact that you are spou-sed
Only proves you're my best friend.
But it's truly truly a sin.
posted by Babblesort at 7:38 AM on March 17, 2010

via BitterOldPunk
posted by Babblesort at 7:40 AM on March 17, 2010

Some days I'm at the grocery store or something and I think "Who are all these people?" I wonder where they're from and what they do with their lives, and what specific sets of circumstances led them to end up in the same bread aisle as me at that particular time. Will I even see them again? How many times have we been in the same place but never noticed each other because we're complete strangers? And then I think about how there are six and a half billion people, and how it would take me a thousand years to say hello to each of them. And about the hundred billion people who have lived and died in the tens of thousands of years humans have been around, and how eventually all the traces of everyone who will ever live will have been erased or rather how all of the material that used to be them will be incorporated into new things. And maybe humans don't have much longer to live as a species before some kind of mass extinction event occurs, but then again that's happened before like with the dinosaurs and life always bounces back. And life has been around on Earth for billions of years, and do I even have a concept of billions of years? And maybe there is life somewhere else, because Earth is just a tiny dot in our solar system, which is only a tiny dot in our galaxy, which is only a tiny dot in the universe, and is the universe really all there is or is there some kind of multiverse? And ten billion miles away there's a big metal contraption with a gold record in it that we hope something will find, but that's actually not very far away at all because we can still send radio signals to it and it only takes half a day to get there, whereas the distance from us to anything outside of our solar system is measured in light years. But some guys made it anyway and shot it into space, and when they're all dead it will still be out there getting farther and farther away, and will anything I make ever last that long?

Other days I just watch cat videos on YouTube.
posted by burnmp3s at 7:40 AM on March 17, 2010 [18 favorites]

Look at it this way, InsertNiftyNameHere - at least you made a legendary post. A legendarily stupid post, sure, but maybe it'll turn around for you. The portobello mushroom thread poster eventually became a beloved member of the community. But first, she bought us all bagels and coffee. Good bagels, tho, not that shit you find at Dunkin Donuts or grocery stores. The ones that are crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside. The ones that are the size of your head. Mine was with scallion cream cheese, and it was a sesame bagel. And I take my coffee black.
posted by nevercalm at 7:45 AM on March 17, 2010

Some days you're the windshield, some days Metafilter is the bug.

No, wait. What I mean is, some days Metafilter is the windshield and you, you are the bug. Or maybe there's a little bug in the windshield and a little metafilter in the bug and the windshield and the bug and you and Metafilter, they're really all the same thing, man. I think. I think that maybe that's what the thing is, is it's a thing, you know? And it's all, basically, one thing, what with the atoms and shit? You know, like the quarks? And atoms and. . . strings, man? And that cat, the one that's not alive or dead? It's all in there too.

Oh, yeah, thanks. Pass it this way.
posted by mygothlaundry at 7:46 AM on March 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

My spouse InsertNiftyNameHere isn't going to be whaled on. No fear! Nor will he be faced with the flavorless paste; just salami and pints of green beer.
posted by flabdablet at 7:52 AM on March 17, 2010

"The poet judges not as the judge judges, but as the sun falling around a helpless thing." --Walt Whitman
posted by applemeat at 7:54 AM on March 17, 2010

What pairt of Oireland is it that says "hice" for "house"? I have a friend who does that and I want to blow his mind.

Also: Today, I am Mister_O'A !
posted by Mister_A at 7:57 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I know what you mean, OP.

Like, this one time, I was eating a hamburger in a restaurant and I felt something hard in it! I spit it out and it was white and looked like a toenail! I thought I was gonna die! I mean, what was a toenail doing in my hamburger?

It just goes to show you, it's always something.
posted by The Deej at 7:58 AM on March 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

In Scotland they say "hoose."

Apparently, there is a particular brand of alcohol that's really strong, and is getting a really bad reputation. Great nickname, tho: "wreck the hoose juice."
posted by nevercalm at 7:59 AM on March 17, 2010

This has to be the dumbest MetaTalk post I've ever seen.

If only it was (the dumbest ever), this would be a much happier place.
posted by edgeways at 7:59 AM on March 17, 2010

Speaking of those indomitable Irish, I thought Once was sappy and pretentious.
posted by applemeat at 8:01 AM on March 17, 2010

Almost any movie about Ireland that gets any degree of acclaim stateside is sappy and pretentious. Like that one where the guy dies and leaves creepy notes from beyond the grave for his gawrlfriend t' folla? Reanimator I think it was...
posted by Mister_A at 8:04 AM on March 17, 2010

I'll take patterns observed but incorrectly attributed for $800 Alex.

You guys are mean. And Artw is bald. Metafilter is best on Tuesdays because people come in to work on Monday and do all the work they didn't get done last week and on Tuesday, having 3 more days to procrastinate and with their minds finally cleared from the effects of various weekend sloth and transgressions they proceed to fuck around on the internet by posting and commenting here more and with greater thought. Then it's all downhill from Tuesday. I'm going to memail Fishbike this comment in case he doesn't see it and ask if he can run the numbers by day of the week. Then I will taunt or be taunted.

Actually I think it might have been run in the past but I can't find it.

And I think that whatever button it is you click to make an FP post on the brown should be labeled "Assume the Position" or "Do you feel lucky, punk?".
posted by vapidave at 8:05 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't tell you how nice it is to be home.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:09 AM on March 17, 2010 [13 favorites]

When I worked downtown I used to park my car on San Antonio Street near the corner of 4th. There was a spot there with no parking meter, so I could park for free without having to worry about having my car towed. No way could I justify paying $130 per month to park in the parking garage like my more highly-compensated less frugal co-workers. One morning I was walking to the office and there on the sidewalk was a $5 bill! Serendipity, baby! So I bought breakfast for myself that morning, probably courtesy of some drunk who dropped it the night before while staggering back to his/her car from the clubs in the 4th street warehouse district. From that day forward, whenever I passed by that spot on the sidewalk, I would always hope to find another $5 bill as if there was something magical about that place, but of course I never found any money again. I should have used that $5 to buy a MeFi account, but instead I had to pry open my wallet and use money I had earned instead. I think having to spend my own hard earned money has helped me appreciate my MeFi account though, so it worked out for the better I think.

Anyway, InsertNiftyNameHere, I hope you find my anecdote amusing, and I will certainly keep you in mind before posting anything to the blue so as to avoid posting things that suck. BTW, did you see my post the other day about the Coffee Party? Some people (I hope you weren't one of them!) didn't like it because it was kind of double-y, but since I ran it by the mods before posting I felt OK about it.
posted by Daddy-O at 8:10 AM on March 17, 2010

I can't tell you how nice it is to be home.

because you're afraid of it showing up elsewhere?
posted by gman at 8:14 AM on March 17, 2010

This seems like as good a place as any to ask for help with my Bruce Willis hair database.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:17 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Any thoughts?

When bored, you might find value in the Random link.

When not bored, you might want to consider climbing higher in the tree so that the wolves don't get you. They can jump higher than you might think.
posted by quin at 8:26 AM on March 17, 2010

This seems like as good a place as any to ask for help with my Bruce Willis hair database.

I'd help, but you'd probably hate my answers to "Good movie?"
posted by zarq at 8:30 AM on March 17, 2010

Huh, I didn't realize there is a random link for each sub-site

Random Metatalk
Random Metafilter
Random Askme

posted by quin at 8:31 AM on March 17, 2010

Sounds like a personal problem.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:33 AM on March 17, 2010

I challenge anyone to re-dub any movie about Ireland that got any degree of acclaim stateside with some hard-"A" Chicago dialects instead of those brogues. NOT SO POIGNANT AND ROMANTIC NOW, HUH??
posted by applemeat at 8:33 AM on March 17, 2010

Twelve Monkeys is a tough one.

And Artw is bald.

Hoots mon! 'tis my lucky Bruce Willis receding hairline, so it is. Bobsleigh.
posted by Artw at 8:35 AM on March 17, 2010

I got engaged 27 years ago today.

To Ralph.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALPH! Love that guy. Not like you do. But still. I'd spouse him.
posted by liketitanic at 8:35 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I disagree with Phillips-Van Heusen's 2010 subway campaign that it is even possible for one to be so handsome that they may wear an argyle vest over a half-tucked tartan shirt.

I know anecdote does not equal data and correlation does not equal causation and all, but my objective observation is that yes, I am that handsome. YMMV. IANAL. IANYL.
posted by Greg Nog at 8:41 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm sad today. I just lost a good friend, and everything looks black and grey to me today, including Metatalk, but then again of course it is always grey so I don't suppose that's much of a change.

But I'm sad, and missing my friend more than I can say, and so I agree with you, insertniftyusernamehere, that some days the posts just don't have that same impact they usually do, and seem like pale shadows to their former selves.

I'm sorry this comment isn't funnier.

I miss my friend.
posted by misha at 8:41 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'd help, but you'd probably hate my answers to "Good movie?"

Nah, do whatever you want. Make numerical ratings, proclaim your love for Lucky Number Slevin, I don't care. It's a project for the public good, not just me.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:44 AM on March 17, 2010

Aunt Minna weighs in.
posted by applemeat at 8:45 AM on March 17, 2010

I'm going to memail Fishbike this comment in case he doesn't see it and ask if he can run the numbers by day of the week. Then I will taunt or be taunted.

Actually I think it might have been run in the past but I can't find it.

Yeah, this came up in an earlier datawankery thread, and I made this kind of busy chart showing relative numbers of posts, comments, and favorites, by weekday, for each of the four main sites. They're normalized so that the busiest day of the week is a 1.0 on the chart.
posted by FishBike at 8:45 AM on March 17, 2010

I can't tell you how nice it is to be home.

There's no place like ~
posted by FishBike at 8:50 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

GregNog does not lie. I am sorry about your friend misha. I am missing a friend too especially this week.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:53 AM on March 17, 2010

So Greg Nog is funny and handsome? He's like a downscale version of Mister_O'A!
posted by Mister_A at 9:01 AM on March 17, 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss, misha.

I lost a friend recently too. Yesterday was her memorial service. It was beautiful, but even after a night's sleep I feel all wrung out like a washcloth.

That's why I can't bring myself to give the OP the lashings of verbal abuse s/he seems to be so desperately seeking.

Sorry, OP. I don't mind service topping on occasion, but today I just can't get it up.
posted by ottereroticist at 9:03 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I went to bed last night before this was posted. Is there any paste left?

And I'm sorry about your friend, misha. A good friend of mine died last fall, and there are moments/hours/days when everything feels kind of surreal - life is carrying on even though he isn't here. I read something that makes me think of him and I want to ask him a question about what I've read, but he isn't here. It's a strange and sad feeling.

welcome home, mods, for those of you who are home.
posted by rtha at 9:04 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Have you tried turning the screen upside down?
posted by arcticseal at 9:06 AM on March 17, 2010

Don't tell me what the posters are doing
Don't tell me that they're posting crap
Don't tell me that they're posting callouts
Gonna go and have myself a nap, all right
posted by never used baby shoes at 9:08 AM on March 17, 2010

You posted this on the day of this post? Free podcasts of live concerts by renowned artists. It's one of the best things I've seen posted to metafilter ever. You should go there and listen to some of them.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:09 AM on March 17, 2010

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to meh at me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you logged into the site
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your snark just give me the favorite
It's just u and ur hand tonight
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:10 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Each year on Dec. 31, the admins tack up a big wall calendar covering the next year, and they take turns throw darts at it. There are 123 blue darts and 75 red darts. Any dart that lands on a date that is already occupied by a dart is allowed a do-over.

On dates that have blue darts, only people who wipe while sitting are allowed to post. On dates with red darts, only people who wipe while standing are allowed to post. On dates with no darts, anyone may post.

Guess which days have no interesting posts?
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:19 AM on March 17, 2010

- take turns throwing darts. Sigh.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:22 AM on March 17, 2010

I hope you find my anecdote amusing

Whoa, whoa!!!! What are you doing? That's more of a Thursday story!
posted by The Deej at 9:30 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

If you don't like what is on MetaFilter on any given day, you can go over to SpliceToday and see if that's any better.
posted by Edward L at 9:40 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

"OK, everybody feel free to whale on me!"

Wail. Wail on.

FFS.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 9:44 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

If there's one take-away catch phrase from this post, can it please be "Everybody feel free to whale on me"? (which actually beats out "wail on me" in google hits? This page looks to be the third result already.)
posted by nobody at 9:45 AM on March 17, 2010

Oh, a minute late.
posted by nobody at 9:46 AM on March 17, 2010

Some days I just want to say FUCK YOU very much
posted by hortense at 9:50 AM on March 17, 2010

No, I think it's whale, not wail, because I always got the sense that it was some sort of strange holdover from the 19th century whaling ships and the idea was that the whale was going to smack you down with his mighty flukes for being such a dingbat, thus, whale on you. Wail on me seems like it would mean something more like a pity party, amplified. However, I am not an etymologist. Or a linguist. Or your etymologist.
posted by mygothlaundry at 9:53 AM on March 17, 2010

Schmoopy is obviously a gateway drug.
posted by graventy at 9:55 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

you have a whale on you
posted by found missing at 9:56 AM on March 17, 2010

I was going to joke that I thought it was "wale on you," like the corduroy pants thing, but when I googled it it turns out wale also means "to raise marks on the skin, as by whipping," so that's the likely answer.
posted by sallybrown at 9:57 AM on March 17, 2010

Eat whale.

[I don't think the whale would agree with you]
posted by Mister_A at 9:58 AM on March 17, 2010

whale [hweyl, weyl]
-verb, whaled, whal·ing,
1. to hit, thrash, or beat soundly.

I thought the OP meant "wale on" and I was gonna hafta rub up against him or her in my corduroy trousers.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:59 AM on March 17, 2010

Confession: these days, I sometimes don't read Metafilter for weeks at a time and I comment even less. It would be an odd thing if I were to comment without reading the site. I know, though, that I personally have made dumber Meta posts than this one. My only excuse is that I was likely fucked up as all hell when I made them. Oh well.

This confession sucks.
posted by item at 10:02 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Goddammit that's what I get for not previewing.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:03 AM on March 17, 2010

You know, why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? If I was in a mutiny I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
posted by crapmatic at 10:10 AM on March 17, 2010 [7 favorites]

In the off chance that any "Dexter" writers are reading: Please Please Please don't let Rita come back as a ghost. Rita is annoying Could she do anything without crying? and there are too many ghosts already.
posted by applemeat at 10:20 AM on March 17, 2010

I think pinball machines are so integral to the concept of better treatment that it's not necessary to list them among the particular means of redress of grievances.
posted by Mister_A at 10:23 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm on a big Rush kick today. Right now it's Permanent Waves, then next I might go for some Signals. Then I might finish it off with some amyl nitrite and a brown paper sack.
posted by slogger at 10:31 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

And of course, all the Rush accounts for my poor grammar, as do most things Canadian.
posted by slogger at 10:33 AM on March 17, 2010

personally, I'd finish it off with an icepick through the frontal lobe.
posted by item at 10:35 AM on March 17, 2010

Note: Everyone needs a hug. finish it off with an icepick through the frontal lobe.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2010

Hi Item! Great to see you again!
posted by slogger at 10:42 AM on March 17, 2010

I'm sorry misha. It's a special kind of ache and I'm sorry you're feeling it. You have a hundred thousand friends here...I know they're not the same as the one on your mind, but we're pretty good to lean on when you need it. :)
posted by iamkimiam at 11:15 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

I think that Flo the Progressive Insurance spokeswoman is cuter than a bug's ear.
posted by y2karl at 11:16 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

And if I won the lottery, I would make a frisbee throwing robot for her.
posted by y2karl at 11:17 AM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wouldn't it be better for all involved* if you and Flo were to play frisbee together? (Actually, it would be better if I and Flo played frisbee together. T'hell with you, y2karl!)

*Well, except for the out of work robot, but seriously, fuck those job-stealing Clankers.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:25 AM on March 17, 2010

Clankers

This is patently offensive, and I demand justice! Face me in the pit full of spikes for a battle with fragile broadswords. It'll be a punji pit brittle broadsword battle.
posted by Mister_A at 11:32 AM on March 17, 2010

I think that Flo the Progressive Insurance spokeswoman is cuter than a bug's ear.

I have a crested zebra finch named after her. Between the flashy hairstyle and the lipstick red beak, how could I call her anything else?
posted by quin at 11:36 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

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.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•.¸.•¤**¤•¸.

'What a long strange trip, its been' -- JERRY

Keep on keepin it real my friend. have a gr8 summer, ☮ out
posted by decagon at 11:57 AM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

OK, I guess it's time to shell out another $5 and think of a new user name. I'll have to see if I can somehow get a pre-paid Visa or MC with a fake name for a truly anonymous transaction (when I find the courage to re-join in about 14 or so years).

I suggest UShealthcarereform for the username!
posted by cjorgensen at 12:10 PM on March 17, 2010

(I love how the Recent Activity page truncates decagon's comment above and makes it look like the Loch Ness Monster is lurking in MetaTalk.)
posted by FishBike at 12:11 PM on March 17, 2010

I think that Flo the Progressive Insurance spokeswoman is cuter than a bug's ear.

I want to strangle her almost every time I see her.
posted by soelo at 12:16 PM on March 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

MetaTalk: The Loch Ness Monster Is Lurking In MetaTalk.


Also: Bugs don't have ears.
posted by Mister_A at 12:32 PM on March 17, 2010

My dog has no nose.
posted by found missing at 12:41 PM on March 17, 2010

So I heard that that brown dude was running for mayor in california.
posted by bam at 12:42 PM on March 17, 2010

oops, govner
posted by bam at 12:42 PM on March 17, 2010

True story: Today my husband called to remind me that I left a case of Orange flavored LaCroix sparkling water in the trunk of the car.

“It’s not orange” I said. “It’s grapefruit.” (Which LaCroix labels, Frenchly and somewhat pretentiously, as pamplemousse.)

Later I drove to the parking garage and--remembering the LaCroix--opened the trunk: ORANGE LaCROIX.

Evidentially I bought the wrong flavor. The packages look alike. Too alike. The orange flavored LaCroix is orange and the pamplemousse flavored LaCroix is kind of an orangey peach, which is in my view arbitrary and confusing because what about a grapefruit is peach? (And what color will LaCroix use should it introduce a peach flavor? Perhaps a yellowish green only slightly less green than the color it uses for its lime flavor so that my disappointment in the parking garage this morning will be played out in other parking garages and with other people who’d have preferred peach to lime or I suppose the reverse is more likely since peach, even a whiff of peach, can ruin your cocktail before the liquor hits the ice.)

Years ago I attended a family party at which was served a selection of soft drinks, including LaCroix. (This is was 1990, and LaCroix offered its sparkling water in regular water flavor.) A cousin of mine (she was only a child then) pronounced LaCroix as “La Crotch” and everyone laughed. Today this cousin enjoys vacationing in Las Vegas although she is not a gambler. The last time I spoke to her she had just remodeled her master bath.

Will I enjoy the orange flavor as much as I would enjoy the pamplemousse flavor? We shall see, but to be perfectly honest, I seriously doubt it.
posted by applemeat at 1:08 PM on March 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Nice to see loquacious is back, living up to his username. I love those surreal extemporaneous essays with rigorously proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. There's a Rime of the Ancient Mariner in that dude, I tell you.
posted by Quietgal at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2010

Okay, so I went for my daily stress-antidote walk around the "technology park" (they really call it that) this morning during a lull in cubicle life, and while walking began to notice, through the iPod soundtrack of my motion, every 20-30 feet or so, an empty fifth bottle of Smirnoff's vodka on the dirt shoulder. Actually, one of them was a clear beer bottle-sized vodka cooler product, I think, but the others were all empty fifths. In all, there must have been close to a dozen of the glass flasks deposited along a several-hundred foot stretch of tech-park access road. Since a week or so ago we had two-to-three foot high snowbanks along this road, I am assuming they had been perhaps dumped in a group on the shoulder, then buried in the recent big snowstorm and plowed into the stretch of snowbank by the plow trucks, only to be revealed again, scattered, by our current 50-degree sunny weather.

It seems that someone, at one of these other companies, is having an even harder time coping with stress than I am.
posted by aught at 1:25 PM on March 17, 2010

The packages look alike. Too alike. The orange flavored LaCroix is orange and the pamplemousse flavored LaCroix is kind of an orangey peach, which is in my view arbitrary and confusing because what about a grapefruit is peach? (And what color will LaCroix use should it introduce a peach flavor?

This is why I think everyone should experience being colorblind for one day. You learn pretty quickly not to rely on color coding, and just read the damned labels.

As far as I can see, AskMe and MeTa are the same damned color. Green? Gray? Who remembers?
posted by zarq at 1:33 PM on March 17, 2010

BTW to the mods: That's not a pony request. I use the white background anyway. Far more professional! ;)
posted by zarq at 1:37 PM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Can someone make an infographic that helps me understand the inevitable progression of this thread from "lots of people dropping random silly crap in here" to "one person posting something nobody reads three days after the last post"?
posted by davejay at 2:27 PM on March 17, 2010

Thankfully, the Real Sodas That Aren't Pretentious And French are less ambiguous.

*sips chinotto*
posted by Sys Rq at 2:30 PM on March 17, 2010

Here's how it goes, davejay. It's an ASCII art rendering... one of my first:


ALOTALOTALOTALOT ALOT ALOT ALOTALOT ALOTALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT







Hello?!
posted by Mister_A at 2:56 PM on March 17, 2010

I hope InsertNiftyNameHere, if he's still reading, knows that people who enjoy dropping random silly crap are not necessarily people making fun of InsertNiftyNameHere.
posted by applemeat at 3:03 PM on March 17, 2010

OmieWise: What? WHAT? I didn't think there was anybody on earth who actually gave salami the respect it deserves. That's fabulous.

Yeah, and that somebody was Lisa Douglas from Green Acres. Mind = blown.

I hope I have occasion for someone to ask me that "If you could have dinner with anyone living or dead..." question, just so my answer could be "Salami with Eva Gabor" which either going to be my band name or my drag name.

Seriously, I'd like to personally thank InsertNiftyNameHere for starting this post and taking all this abuse so I got to have this moment. Talk about taking one for the team.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:03 PM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oops I meant to post this 6 hours ago
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:04 PM on March 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Metatalk: the Loch Ness Monster is lurking in Metatalk: the Loch Ness Monster is lurking in Metatalk: the Loch Ness Monster is lurking in Metatalk: the Loch Ness Monster is lurking in Metatalk: the Loch Ness Monster is lurking in Metatalk
posted by notswedish at 4:37 PM on March 17, 2010

I wonder if anyone would like to know what I think.
posted by Rumple at 5:31 PM on March 17, 2010

[insert wildly interesting comment here]
posted by Drasher at 5:46 PM on March 17, 2010

mygothlaundry: No, I think it's whale, not wail, because I always got the sense that it was some sort of strange holdover from the 19th century whaling ships...

Holy smokes, you're right. So now I'm guilty of being pedantic and wrong!

For what it's worth, here's what the OED has to say on the matter:

whale, v.2 Now U.S. colloq.

[Of obscure origin. Commonly regarded as a spelling of wale v.1, but there are difficulties of form, chronology, and meaning. Perhaps orig. = to thrash with a whalebone whip (see whalebone 3 b).]

posted by nobody at 6:11 PM on March 17, 2010

I believe the word you're looking for is Waylon.
posted by pracowity at 11:58 PM on March 17, 2010

nobody:
Holy smokes, you're right. So now I'm guilty of being pedantic and wrong!

If it's wrong that I'm enjoying that fact to no end, then I don't want to be right.

I've found it never hurts to preface a statement of fact with a qualifier such as, "IIRC" or "I believe" etc. It may reduce your street cred with the Mensa crowd, but, personally, I feel it's a nice CYA since everyones memory slips up once in a while. YMMV.

If it helps, I'm laughing at "mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey" even more heartily.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 1:44 AM on March 18, 2010

Justinian: "This has to be the dumbest MetaTalk post I've ever seen. Seriously, do you even read Metatalk, OP"

I'd love to answer, but I don't want to distract from the fact that you feel you can so readily judge and dismiss others. And you an have amazing talent for doing it in a way in which you don't come off as a complete and total asshole of epic proportions.

I'm glad to have posted the question if for no other reason than seeing your reaction to it.

It speaks volumes about your true character.

Mods: I've got a feature request: Can we get a feature that's similar to an "Ignore User" list except that it functions more as a "Don't let me forget these people are raging dickheads" list?

You'd have the honor of being the charter member in my list, Justinian, you little fucker.

To anyone else reading, I apologize for saying that in public.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 2:05 AM on March 18, 2010

InsertPersonalAttackThere.
posted by gman at 3:47 AM on March 18, 2010

To anyone else reading, I apologize for saying that in public.

Protip: next time you find yourself typing that line, then instead of clicking Post afterwards, simply delete the entire contents of the text entry box and step away from the computer. You'll be glad, later.
posted by flabdablet at 4:02 AM on March 18, 2010

I'm sighing.
posted by thoughtless at 4:10 AM on March 18, 2010

I'm lying.
posted by flabdablet at 4:11 AM on March 18, 2010

Together, we're flying?
posted by thoughtless at 4:12 AM on March 18, 2010

You're not even trying.
posted by gman at 4:13 AM on March 18, 2010

If I'm lying, I'm flying.
posted by Infinite Jest at 4:50 AM on March 18, 2010

If flying is wrong, I don't want to be a flight.
posted by iamkimiam at 5:27 AM on March 18, 2010

Infinite Jest, there be no denying:
If you're lying, you're falling, not flying.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:33 AM on March 18, 2010

Wow, so, that was weird.
posted by rtha at 5:36 AM on March 18, 2010

at least try to rhyme.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:45 AM on March 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

InsertNiftyNameHere, I would think the UserNotes GreaseMonkey script could (but really should not¹) be used to keep track of people who you have found annoying in the past.

1: I would like to say "we don't do that here", but I'm sure at one time or another most of us have had cause to think to ourselves, "oh, it's that dick again"². But such impressions are probably best allowed to fade from memory if the cause is not recurring often enough to remember the name. If a person finds they have too many names to remember and need a list or a system to track them all, that probably indicates a problem of their own that they could work on. When I first started here, I began to keep a list like that, but pretty soon said to myself "why am I doing this? This is stupid." And that was the end of the list. ³

2: I'm not referring to any specific person, just to be clear.

3. Except for lunch thieves, of course. We have a duty not to forget those bastards, ever!
posted by FishBike at 5:45 AM on March 18, 2010

rtha, for some reason I read your comment in Eddie Izzard's voice, from Dress to Kill, when he's talking about losing his virginity the year before he actually lost his virginity. "Yeah...so that was weird."
posted by iamkimiam at 5:58 AM on March 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Justinian: "This has to be the dumbest MetaTalk post I've ever seen. Seriously, do you even read Metatalk, OP"

I'd love to answer, but I don't want to distract from the fact that you feel you can so readily judge and dismiss others. And you an have amazing talent for doing it in a way in which you don't come off as a complete and total asshole of epic proportions.

Yeah, stick to the facts, Justinian:

MeFi: 0 posts 8 comments
MetaTalk: 3 posts 12 comments
Ask MeFi: 0 posts 2 answers

That's precisely a 60% MetaTalk focus, as demonstrated by science.
posted by UbuRoivas at 6:00 AM on March 18, 2010

Wants. to. make. joke. about. arguing. with. science. HOLD. BACK. KIM. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1...whew. I'm all right, guys. Don't panic.
posted by iamkimiam at 6:10 AM on March 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Upon blind faith they place reliance,
what we need more of is science!
posted by Infinite Jest at 6:34 AM on March 18, 2010

Everybody okay in here? Is leaving this open going to be one of those "and then the silliness was immanentized and we had a lot of fun" situations or one of the "man why the fuck did I leave that open" ones?
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:34 AM on March 18, 2010

Do you still have the moral authority to close a thread after using a word like "immanentized"?
posted by FishBike at 7:46 AM on March 18, 2010

I thought I was the only one with any moral authority around here.
posted by Think_Long at 7:53 AM on March 18, 2010

"Reek" is one of those words that after you look at it for a while, it stops looking like a word.
posted by MexicanYenta at 7:54 AM on March 18, 2010

Nope, that's a mistake - false morel authority.
posted by zamboni at 7:56 AM on March 18, 2010

Moral Authority is a really good name for a porn film. Of course Oral Authority is an even better name for a porn film.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:03 AM on March 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

I named my wall clock Temporal Authority.

It's, like, an expression of our time-obsessed society man. Deal with it.
posted by Think_Long at 8:22 AM on March 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Pollomacho: I just spent a little while looking for users who had posted in this thread and had usernames which would make acceptable porn film names, and could only come up with four: Think_Long, crossoverman, bam, and, of course, Meatbomb. (I think bam is my favourite.)
posted by thoughtless at 8:28 AM on March 18, 2010

you don't think pollo macho (masculine chicken) could be a good porn name?
posted by Think_Long at 8:45 AM on March 18, 2010

I know where that guy works.

He may be macho, but he's still subservient. After all these years.
posted by heyho at 8:51 AM on March 18, 2010

Everybody okay in here? Is leaving this open going to be one of those "and then the silliness was immanentized and we had a lot of fun" situations or one of the "man why the fuck did I leave that open" ones?

Fuck -- just ask for this to turn into an alphabet thread!
posted by Rumple at 9:03 AM on March 18, 2010

Great idea, Rumple
posted by gnome de plume at 9:03 AM on March 18, 2010

GREEDY CLOACAS, VI ..Starring Cock Macho
posted by applemeat at 9:06 AM on March 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Happy now?
posted by zamboni at 9:09 AM on March 18, 2010

InsertNiftyWordHere
posted by gman at 9:09 AM on March 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Just what do you think you're doing?
posted by owtytrof at 9:13 AM on March 18, 2010

KlangKlangston, wherefore art thou?
posted by Mister_A at 9:16 AM on March 18, 2010

Lounging in bed, I hear
posted by Rumple at 9:19 AM on March 18, 2010

Little Lola Lop, Left Leg, Lazy Lion Licks a Lollipop
posted by zarq at 9:20 AM on March 18, 2010

My God it's full of GRAR
posted by Mister_A at 9:30 AM on March 18, 2010

woooooooooooooooo
posted by bam at 9:44 AM on March 18, 2010

X seems to be the next letter, as bam skipped N through V
posted by Think_Long at 9:47 AM on March 18, 2010

You know, this thread is pretty weird. That's not the weird part, though.
posted by rtha at 9:52 AM on March 18, 2010

Zamboni!
*jazz hands*
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:56 AM on March 18, 2010

ACME makes a jet-powered zamboni designed to flatten roadrunners, they say.
posted by Rumple at 10:09 AM on March 18, 2010

But does it work?
posted by Sys Rq at 10:10 AM on March 18, 2010

Could we do an ASCII thread instead of an alphabet thread? Use the entire set of printable characters from 32 (space) up to 176 (~) as shown here.
posted by FishBike at 10:14 AM on March 18, 2010

Don't Stop!
posted by zarq at 10:15 AM on March 18, 2010

Ears mine are burning, yes?
posted by zamboni at 10:22 AM on March 18, 2010

First post!
posted by found missing at 10:32 AM on March 18, 2010

GRAR
posted by SpiffyRob at 10:37 AM on March 18, 2010

How come Steve Perry is so much more punchable in live performances?
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:40 AM on March 18, 2010

It's My Life
posted by zarq at 10:44 AM on March 18, 2010

holy weird coincidence!!
I was reading tis last night:

I have a crested zebra finch named after her. Between the flashy hairstyle and the lipstick red beak, how could I call her anything else?
posted by quin at 2:36 PM on March 17

then went over to LJ, where I see this:

Well, we have one zebra finch named Flo. We call her this because she really does sound like Flo from the Progressive commercial when she honks her little new years' horn. Meep meep meeeep!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:56 AM on March 18, 2010

oops - I didn't quote enough of quin's comment - his finch is also named Flo
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:03 AM on March 18, 2010

aaaaaand we're starting over.
posted by Think_Long at 11:19 AM on March 18, 2010

But what if we don't want to start over?
posted by ook at 11:21 AM on March 18, 2010

Can it, ook.
posted by fish tick at 11:24 AM on March 18, 2010

Dude, seriously, can it.
posted by nevercalm at 11:42 AM on March 18, 2010

Everyone just be quiet.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:46 AM on March 18, 2010

Fuck, ook, stop it already.
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:49 AM on March 18, 2010

Just go with the Flo.
posted by y2karl at 11:51 AM on March 18, 2010

This thread is like Congress.
posted by found missing at 11:52 AM on March 18, 2010

Opposite of progress?
posted by owtytrof at 12:08 PM on March 18, 2010

What alphabet are you guys using?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:11 PM on March 18, 2010 [6 favorites]

No, I think they're spelling things out now.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:18 PM on March 18, 2010

Should try playing this in China; we're still stuck in a game started by a few dizzy Shanghai socialites in 1923.
posted by Abiezer at 12:18 PM on March 18, 2010

what (ok now someone whos username starts with c go)
posted by bam at 12:20 PM on March 18, 2010

I'm sorry, bam.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:25 PM on March 18, 2010

What does Emeril Lagasse say immediately after premature ejaculation?
posted by found missing at 12:28 PM on March 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

Going with "Ook!"
posted by Mister_A at 12:33 PM on March 18, 2010

This is now an encrypted alphabet thread, I think. What algorithm are we using?
posted by FishBike at 12:35 PM on March 18, 2010

thanks for waiting
posted by bam at 12:41 PM on March 18, 2010

Revealing the alphabet would be ruining all the fun. Fit a model to the thread so far, and see if it still works when the next comment comes in!
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:53 PM on March 18, 2010

I hear there's Japanese gold hidden somewhere near Manila. . .
posted by Think_Long at 1:03 PM on March 18, 2010

Maybe we should do something about the shape of the MeTa auditorium, because the acrostics in here are terrible.
posted by Abiezer at 1:04 PM on March 18, 2010

Is it... ook?
posted by SpiffyRob at 1:11 PM on March 18, 2010

Everything is ook, for the right value of "ook".
posted by FishBike at 1:13 PM on March 18, 2010

Varies by season.
posted by zamboni at 2:18 PM on March 18, 2010

Exactly.
posted by Sailormom at 2:27 PM on March 18, 2010

false morel authority.

Reading this makes me want to redo an episode of Moral Orel with mushroom-mation instead of clay-mation.
posted by nomisxid at 2:29 PM on March 18, 2010

I think we all know it isn't ook. Can we stop the derail?
posted by found missing at 2:29 PM on March 18, 2010

Has anyone else ever noticed that on some days the front page is awesome, and some days it is less awesome? It's pretty middle of the road today I guess.
posted by Think_Long at 2:50 PM on March 18, 2010

Can we stop the derail?

This thread is more like a hovercraft than a train. Sure there may have have been a destination in mind at the start, but it's kind of drifting all over the place. There ain't no track here.
posted by FishBike at 3:10 PM on March 18, 2010

Technically this thread is not illegal, but please exercise extreme caution.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:11 PM on March 18, 2010

How come Steve Perry is so much more punchable in live performances?

Well, his handlers told him years ago that he was not doing himself any favors by performing shirtless, so it couldn't be that. Or so I hope.
posted by y2karl at 3:44 PM on March 18, 2010

Is it Ghostbusters 2?
posted by flabdablet at 3:50 PM on March 18, 2010

Everything is ook, for the right value of "ook".

I just checked and I'm pretty sure I've been using the wrong value all this time. Anyone care to trade?
posted by ook at 4:58 PM on March 18, 2010

Not for all the ooks in the ook, buddy.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:03 PM on March 18, 2010

Think about switching to the metric ook.
posted by zamboni at 7:48 PM on March 18, 2010

12.4 metric ooks to the hogshead iirc.
posted by Mister_A at 7:59 PM on March 18, 2010

This thread is altogether ooky.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:27 PM on March 18, 2010

I think this goes to show that you can't be too careful.
posted by Sutekh at 10:32 PM on March 18, 2010

Sorry to kill the alphabet game!

I just read a couple of posts in MetaTalk (yes, I'm back. just call me a glutton for punishment.) and, man, were they ever rough! I'm not going to link to them because I don't want to bring attention to that sort of stuff.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I don't feel so bad now after reading those things. All I did was, as somewhat put it wonderfully, was make a "mildly stoner-esque" post. I didn't single anyone out for special inspection. Not cool, folks. Isn't the world crappy enough without this sort of stuff?

(I'm not speaking to or of anyone in particular, BTW.)

Back to embarrassment recovery camp I go.

Cheers, all!
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 11:21 PM on March 18, 2010

Regarding the "Retarded Genius" threads - I believe "Idiot Savant" is the preferred nomenclature.
posted by Artw at 11:52 PM on March 18, 2010

Probably not.

A retarded genius would average out as a completely normal person, not unlike a particularly intellectually gifted moron.

On the other hand, an idiot savant is on an entirely different axis altogether - usually on the autism spectrum, with all their brainpower focused in on one particular talent.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:45 AM on March 19, 2010

Whereas I'm fairly certain that finding an axis for all this crazy Metafilter bullshit requires us to look somewhere on the ookism spectrum. The preferred nomenclature in this case is "idiots avaunt."
posted by koeselitz at 4:13 AM on March 19, 2010

I didn't single anyone out for special inspection. Not cool, folks. Isn't the world crappy enough without this sort of stuff?

Well, sometimes it's not cool. And sometimes people are singled out for doing stuff that isn't cool, in the hope that they'll stop making the world slightly worse I suppose. Most callouts seem to be somewhere in between, so it's kind of a grey area. Which we talk about in a grey area of the site.
posted by FishBike at 5:29 AM on March 19, 2010

Back to embarrassment recovery camp I go.

You're doing fine. Yes. MetaTalk is a harsh place. Or it can be. It can also produce extended and well-considered conversations of difficult topics, treatises on how the longboat is the best form of transportation to ever have been invented, celebrations of users, and everything in between.
posted by OmieWise at 5:40 AM on March 19, 2010

InsertNiftyNameHere, at this point, no one remembers that you're the one who started this thread, or why. Or cares. We're just happy to have a nice meTa to play in.
posted by rtha at 5:52 AM on March 19, 2010

Oh yeah, InsertNiftyNameHere (can I call you INNH?) – please don't be embarrassed. We mess around like this in any available thread; we like you. No worries. The silliness on these here back pages is not a reflection on how much you should be embarrassed. Hell, it's probably a reflection on how much we should be embarrassed. It's just that metafilter will gradually take away your ability to be embarrassed, leaving you invincible. We're just celebrating that fact. Welcome!
posted by koeselitz at 6:10 AM on March 19, 2010

My thanks to the last few posters for all that info. I can use every bit of help I can get.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 6:47 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm on the shuttle to work right now and I'm very happy that I remembered to bring the donut I bought the other day with me. I forgot it yesterday and that made me sad. It's a chocolate almond rosemary donut and even though it's a little stale, it will still be delicious.
posted by rtha at 7:06 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's also worth mentioning, INNH, that MeTa has been particularly GRAR recently. It can definitely make what is very much intended to be good-natured joshing seem to be much more mean-spirited. And seconding rtha. This thread gave us a nice, non-angry release valve, so really, you come out net-positive, at least in my mind.

ook, on the other hand. Hoo boy. Hoooooooo boy.

ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO USE MORE HYPHEN-JOINED WORDS.
posted by SpiffyRob at 7:11 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seconding rtha about the donut, of course.
posted by SpiffyRob at 7:11 AM on March 19, 2010

It's a chocolate almond rosemary donut

rtha, I know you Bay area folk are a little more hip and with it than the rest of us, but coming from Middle America (AKA Real America) I can tell you that what you're eating is definitely not a donut. Maybe a recipe for chicken or a scone, but it is not a fucking donut.
posted by Think_Long at 7:13 AM on March 19, 2010

DON'T YOU DENY MY EXPERIENCE, DUDE!

I suppose you're going to try to tell me that the bacon-maple donut I have sometimes also isn't a donut. Or the lemon Sichuan donut. Or the lemon thyme. As if!

I know more about donuts than you can possibly imagine!
posted by rtha at 7:23 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Speaking as a Coloradoan, you Bay Area people can fight it out with the Middle America people all you want, over doughnuts or whatever else. We Coloradoans are, in fact, a bit nervous that we've been commonly lumped in with Middle America, whose abandoned auto factories and funny little shopping malls and blacktop we view with some suspicion from our quaint mountain towns, and we would probably side with California if California did not seem so oddly intent on moving its entire population to our state.
posted by koeselitz at 7:28 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Hell, it's probably a reflection on how much we should be embarrassed.

True. These extended threads where people have taken to alphabetting and haikuing and the like are kinda like the last couple of hours of the office holidays parties, where all the normal, sane people have already gone home, and all that's left are the people too drunk to stand or too giddy to leave, and we're wandering around the different cubicles looking for the copier so that we can memorialize the event with a picture of our ass.

We won't fully remember the event the next day unless we are presented evidence in the form of a black and white photocopy of someones buttock's with a birthmark that looks suspiciously familiar.

All we'll recall of the night, was that it was some of the most fun we've had on the site.
posted by quin at 7:29 AM on March 19, 2010

Seriously, I looked at that sentence and saw that it needed a possessive attached, and somehow my brain took a vacation and chose the wrong word to apostrophizinate. *grumble, grumble*

Oh, look! A picture of my butt! Where the hell did this come from?!
posted by quin at 7:34 AM on March 19, 2010

rtha takes the shuttle to work! Where do you work, Uranus? HARHARHAR!

In summary, ook.
posted by Mister_A at 7:38 AM on March 19, 2010

InsertNiftyNameHere, at this point, no one remembers that you're the one who started this thread, or why.

Speak for yourself! I blame INNH for the failure of the Grand Army of the Potomac to crush the southern rebellion in the First Battle of Bull Run.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:51 AM on March 19, 2010

You talkin' about the First Battle of Manassas? I blame INNH for that too.
posted by Think_Long at 7:54 AM on March 19, 2010

Remember that time INNH killed Julius Caesar?
posted by Mister_A at 7:57 AM on March 19, 2010

What's that, Mister_A? I can't hear you from my awesome shuttle to an outer planet!

tl;dr: ook.
posted by rtha at 7:57 AM on March 19, 2010

It's true, I'm afraid. I peed on the Union powder.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 8:01 AM on March 19, 2010

Remember that time INNH killed Julius Caesar?

Beware the ooks of March.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:04 AM on March 19, 2010

Et tu, ook?
posted by koeselitz at 8:16 AM on March 19, 2010

Clams Lurk Under Everything?
posted by Sailormom at 8:20 AM on March 19, 2010

False notes or rhyming discord?
posted by Pollomacho at 8:36 AM on March 19, 2010

If what we have here is a failure to communicate, I know who to blame.

Cool hand ook.
posted by koeselitz at 8:50 AM on March 19, 2010

Y'all lost me. Can we talk about Kitchen Nightmares now?
posted by Think_Long at 8:51 AM on March 19, 2010

I, for one, am questioning the value of waiting until a thread has drifted away from ridiculing you, and then stepping back in to say, essentially, "I'm still here and I'm still an idiot!"
posted by owtytrof at 9:05 AM on March 19, 2010

Y'all lost me. Can we talk about Kitchen Nightmares now?

Well, move your arse, big boy. If you want to talk about that fucking wanker, then take your shit or piss off.

Bollocks. Kids today....
posted by zarq at 9:32 AM on March 19, 2010

LOOK AT THAT! IT'S FUCKING RAW!
posted by Artw at 9:36 AM on March 19, 2010

That comment is going to get flagged to death, I just know it.
posted by zarq at 9:37 AM on March 19, 2010

LOOK AT THAT! IT'S FUCKING RAW!

Comparing the many catchphrases of Hell's Kitchen to those of Family Matters, one gets to this poignant tidbit:

Family Matters: "I don't have to take this. I'm going home."

Hell's Kitchen: "YES, CHEF!"
posted by Sys Rq at 10:12 AM on March 19, 2010

He may be a shouting maniac, but he's a shouting maniac who knows what he's doing and leads from the front - that makes a big difference. If you watch Kitchen Nightmares you'll see he's got nothing but contempt for people who swear and shout and make a big show without knowing what their doing.

That still leaves the issues of massive egotism and media whoredom, mind.
posted by Artw at 10:22 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, move your arse, big boy. If you want to talk about that fucking wanker, then take your shit or piss off.

I've only watched the American version, which is censored to shit. As it stands, I've never actually heard Ramsay swear . . .

That still leaves the issues of massive egotism and media whoredom, mind.

The irony of watching him yell at restauranteurs for being too pig-headed and egotistical to take criticism is what keeps me coming back. I also love the way he sneers "yeah?" every time he offers some advice: "You should stop cooking that shit you call food and make the god damn chicken marsala that I showed you how to make, yeah?"
posted by Think_Long at 10:39 AM on March 19, 2010

I sort of like Gordon Ramsay, especially in Kitchen Nightmares. I like the not putting up with obvious bullshit and the telling people what they need to hear, and wish I was better at those two things. Maybe not with the shouting and screaming though.

Having such a good lap time in Top Gear's Star in a Reasonably-Priced car segment probably doesn't hurt either. Almost as good as Simon Cowell, who pissed everybody off by not failing miserably at this. At least that's my recollection of that particular episode of the show, where the hosts were hoping to find something, anything, that he wasn't irritatingly good at.
posted by FishBike at 10:45 AM on March 19, 2010

Well, there was that time that Jeremy Clarkson served him lobsters with the shit still in them, and it turned out that Jeremy Clarkson had been eating lobster poop for years. That was good.
posted by Artw at 10:46 AM on March 19, 2010

He may be a shouting maniac, but he's a shouting maniac who knows what he's doing and leads from the front - that makes a big difference. If you watch Kitchen Nightmares you'll see he's got nothing but contempt for people who swear and shout and make a big show without knowing what their doing.

Honestly if I had the choice between working for a shouting maniac who was a genius and great leader, versus working for a really nice person who was completely inept and ran every project into the ground, I would pick the second one. At the end of the day what makes a job tolerable or intolerable are the people you work with, and to me shouty people are intolerable regardless of how great they are at what they do.
posted by burnmp3s at 10:48 AM on March 19, 2010

but if your project is run into the ground, your restaurant goes out of business and you're out of a job.

I've never worked in a kitchen, so reality television is my only exposure - needless to say, my perspective is skewed. I imagine Ramsay's shoutiness is pretty amped up for entertainment purposes, it's why he's famous in the first place. yeah?
posted by Think_Long at 10:52 AM on March 19, 2010

Honestly if I had the choice between working for a shouting maniac who was a genius and great leader, versus working for a really nice person who was completely inept and ran every project into the ground, I would pick the second one.

Whereas I'd pick the former. I've worked for both types (as I imagine have you), and I can put up with the shouting from someone who does actually know what they're doing and is good at it. I've run into a lot of inept shouting maniacs (far more than the ept kind) and they just need to go away, certainly.

But the nice guy who makes a mess of everything left me finishing every day of work in very much a GRAR FISHBIKE SMASH! kind of mood, and I really hated that much more than working for the angry demanding boss who was actually good.
posted by FishBike at 10:53 AM on March 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

ܤ "If it's brown, it's cooked; if it's black, it's fucked" ܤ
posted by Meatbomb at 10:54 AM on March 19, 2010

I loved Lenny Henry's take. :)
posted by zarq at 11:02 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I like these random chatty threads, thank you InsertNiftyNameHere!
posted by Artw at 11:17 AM on March 19, 2010

I like working for competent people who don't shout at me, personally.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:18 AM on March 19, 2010

Really, I think I like working for people who would make very poor sitcom and/or reality television characters, is the main thing. TV: not where I want to live.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:19 AM on March 19, 2010

cue matthowie publicly scolding cortex with plenty of profanity.
posted by Think_Long at 11:20 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Cortex lives in the first version of The Matrix.
posted by Artw at 11:20 AM on March 19, 2010

ܤ <-- Is that a pretzel? If so, then Yes.
posted by applemeat at 11:22 AM on March 19, 2010

I live in the underground Matrix cave with the sexy, sexy dancing.
posted by Mister_A at 11:24 AM on March 19, 2010

Technically while that is within the world of "The Matrix" it is not within the Matrix.

Obviously my reference may cause confusion, this is inevitable in situations where descriptions of things are bound to semantic symbols that may, or may not, indicate a thing or another thing or a thing. Allow me to explain in depth whilst sitting in front of a bank of TV screens...
posted by Artw at 11:28 AM on March 19, 2010

but if your project is run into the ground, your restaurant goes out of business and you're out of a job

I'm personally more comfortable in a chill atmosphere headed toward doom than a psychotic atmosphere headed toward success. Losing my job is less of a big deal than losing my mind.

But the nice guy who makes a mess of everything left me finishing every day of work in very much a GRAR FISHBIKE SMASH! kind of mood, and I really hated that much more than working for the angry demanding boss who was actually good.

Yeah, I can definitely see how some people would be the opposite. There's not really anything inherently bad about shouting and whatnot if you don't let it affect you. I think part of it probably also depends on how invested you are mentally in the work versus how mentally invested you are in the interpersonal relationships.

I like working for competent people who don't shout at me, personally.

Well we can't all work for Matt. Wait, can we? Because that would be awesome.
posted by burnmp3s at 11:29 AM on March 19, 2010

Art - it sounds like you are either evicting me from or compelling me to spend eternity in the cave. Please confirm.
posted by Mister_A at 11:35 AM on March 19, 2010

cue matthowie publicly scolding cortex with plenty of profanity.

If that scene shows up in the next podcast, I will LMAO.
posted by zarq at 11:41 AM on March 19, 2010

So I had this idea of leveraging our all having stayed in this rented house in Austin for SXSW (which was a pretty great setup) to film a little mock-reality show thing called Mod House but we ended up being too exhausted and busy to get around to making it work. But it would have been glorious.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:48 AM on March 19, 2010

Mister_A - The first Metafilter matthowie designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to us now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every user, thus matthowie redesigned it based on human history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of users. However, matthowie was again frustrated by failure. He then stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the site, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.

Hence Metatalk.
posted by Artw at 11:49 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I like working for competent people who don't shout at me, personally.

That's the ideal, yes. I try to be that sort of boss myself. I'm closing in on 5 years of this management thing and so far have yet to shout at any of my staff. I'm still working on the "competent" part though, I think. Which I guess means I am the kind of person I hate working for!

I was going to write something about how not shouting at people is relatively easy, in that you just decide you aren't going to do it. Unlike, say, learning how to manage a team, where you can't just wake up and say "today I shall be good at this".

Except then I realized it's not true even for me. People tend to shout when they are angry about something, and it takes a hell of a lot of work to figure out what things cause you to become angry and how to keep it under control in those situations. So you would think the competent people would have done that by now. I guess the thing with the shouty people is they don't agree it's even a problem.
posted by FishBike at 12:04 PM on March 19, 2010

Hence Metatalk.

Man if that movie wasn't complete asinine bullshit, I would favorite this comment.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:11 PM on March 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

My simulations shows a 50% chance that you simultaneously did and did not favorite the comment.
posted by Artw at 12:15 PM on March 19, 2010

Just wait until I do some number-crunching with this weekend's Infodump and collapse the state vector of all those previously unobserved favorites.

This quantum theory of favorites is coming along rather nicely.
posted by FishBike at 12:18 PM on March 19, 2010

I call it the Diablo II rule: Anytime you make a piece of fiction that features the protagonist becoming imbued with godlike powers, any sequel can only succeed if the protagonist of the original piece becomes the subsequent antagonist.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:19 PM on March 19, 2010

Hence Jim Carrey's villainous performance in Bruce Almighty II*

*Which was Evan Almighty i suppose, but I don't know who the villain in that movie was.
posted by Think_Long at 12:57 PM on March 19, 2010

Wait–who got imbued in Diablo I?
posted by Mister_A at 1:17 PM on March 19, 2010

The player character, right at the end. Last thing that happens to you is a nice crystal in the skull.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:33 PM on March 19, 2010

Oh yeah! I've been looking for my Diablo discs lately, to no avail. I fear the wife may have tossed them.
posted by Mister_A at 1:48 PM on March 19, 2010

I was always hoping there'd be some way to get Diablo II to pull character data from your Diablo I savegame, so that your character's stats from the first game would directly correspond to the final boss in Diablo II, including player class, equipment, level, etc. It would encourage you to play the first game with minimal grinding and would really sort of solidify the whole what-you-thought-was-good-has-become-corrupted idea.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:54 PM on March 19, 2010

I hope Diablo III doesn't suck, but I also kind of hope it sucks so I can complain about it.
posted by Mister_A at 1:59 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Also, getting back to my point, Matrix Reloaded would have been so much more awesome if it turned out that the Matrix's use for The One was such that The One was totally and completely a tool of the machines, an uber-agent if you will, and thus while Morpheus et al. have been training Neo to be all kung fu kick-assy they have actually been creating a more powerful enemy for themselves. Then instead of spending the last half-hour of the movie on wanky mythology retconning, the movie would have a serious underdog thing going on as Morpheus, Trinity, and everyone in Zion fights against this all-powerful being they thought would be their savior.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:01 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Hey that would have been pretty good, shakes. I don't know that the Wachowskis will see a big budget heading their way any time soon after the embarrassment of the latter Matrices and the incoherent Speed Racer. I think they have a bit of Kevin Smith syndrome, personally...
posted by Mister_A at 2:09 PM on March 19, 2010

Also how awesome would Keanu Reeves be as a villain.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:12 PM on March 19, 2010

And then there's Swamp Thing, who is constantly inflating his powers to the point of godhood and then having to be smacked down and catch amnesia and whatnot so they can actually tell stories with him.
posted by Artw at 2:19 PM on March 19, 2010

precisely precisely precisely
a
60% 60% 60% 60%
MetaTalk focus,
MetaTalk focus,
MetaTalk focus,
MetaTalk focus,
MetaTalk focus,
--------------------------------------> as demonstrated by science.
posted by Surfurrus at 2:19 PM on March 19, 2010

Also how awesome would Keanu Reeves be as a villain.

And how satisfying to see his ass get beat!
posted by Greg Nog at 2:27 PM on March 19, 2010

He'd be all like, whoa!
posted by Artw at 2:27 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

And then in the epilogue Morpheus would go 'Man I sure learned my lesson about the folly of believing in fated white messiahs and I hope no one ever includes one unself-critically in an action-packed blockbuster again.'
posted by shakespeherian at 2:29 PM on March 19, 2010

Also how awesome would Keanu Reeves be as a villain.

I honestly can't imagine Keanu Reeves playing a villain effectively. He can do the steely-eyed serious hero look but there's no way he could pull off a transformation into an insane or evil character. It's always guys who mainly play villains or other sketchy characters who get the good guy to bad guy roles, like Joe Pantoliano in the first film. Fishburne could have easily switched to being evil though.
posted by burnmp3s at 2:31 PM on March 19, 2010

But he only has to play a villain the same way that Hugo Weaving does, because he's a human co-opted into being an Agent. He doesn't have to be evil and insane, merely mechanical and without personality. I mean, it seems pretty obvious that he was cast with this arc in mind.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:36 PM on March 19, 2010

Have to agree Keanu doesn't work as a villain, but I propose another reason: he comes off as dopey. Suitable for heroes in our anti-intellectual age, but a villain should seem to be capable of Machiavellian cunning.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 2:39 PM on March 19, 2010

BEING A VILLAIN IS SERIOS BIZNESS
posted by Greg Nog at 2:47 PM on March 19, 2010

Keanu as villain. Weak link in a fabulous film, imho.
posted by m@f at 2:51 PM on March 19, 2010

Don't forget evil robot Ted!

Also an evil hillbilly in The Gift.
posted by Artw at 2:58 PM on March 19, 2010

Keanu Reeves is clearly not good at playing a villian. He'd be much better at playing the douchebag, that character increasingly necessary for Hollywood plots who is too stupid, wrong, and bad to 'get the girl,' whom the audience can be trusted to implicitly root against.
posted by koeselitz at 3:54 PM on March 19, 2010

This kind of thing always reminds me of the advice my grandfather gave me.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:58 PM on March 19, 2010

Never waste time talking to strangers on the internet?
posted by koeselitz at 7:46 PM on March 19, 2010

Don't suck stale eggs ?
posted by y2karl at 8:14 PM on March 19, 2010

...but a villain should seem to be capable of Machiavellian cunning.

Then fear the Walken. And why wasn't Walken in the Matrix, anyhow ?
posted by y2karl at 8:18 PM on March 19, 2010

Taste.
posted by koeselitz at 8:45 PM on March 19, 2010

Dude, don't make me get out his imdb page...
posted by Artw at 10:20 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Like chicken.
posted by flabdablet at 10:28 PM on March 19, 2010

Didn't say good taste.
posted by koeselitz at 2:03 AM on March 20, 2010

Didn't say good chicken.
posted by flabdablet at 3:29 AM on March 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Have to agree Keanu doesn't work as a villain, but I propose another reason: he comes off as dopey."

But that might work well once this Matrix, Bond James Bond, Dr. Evil trope finally wears through.

Imagine this: Matrix: The Unforgiven.

No, you're right.
posted by vapidave at 11:25 PM on March 20, 2010

lol
posted by bam at 6:11 PM on March 21, 2010