Spoilers are not ok in a front page post.

April 22, 2010 10:14 AM

Spoilers. I ask nicely that one use the...

Look. It's not that hard, is it? There is a more inside box for a reason! The poster (oneswellfoop) knew it was a spoiler-- even said so! The poster knew how to use more inside-- and did. I really don't care that the story in question is really old and practically a hackneyed cliche of a twist ending. This post as formatted is not cool.

posted by norm to Etiquette/Policy at 10:14 AM (263 comments total)

It is a short, famous, 120 year-old story. This is well outside the range of what we're generally going to worry about regarding spoilers on the front page. The context does, in fact, matter.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:15 AM on April 22, 2010 [28 favorites]

Oh, and thanks a ton for spoiling Jacob's Ladder, cedar key. After twenty years, I'm now getting around to seeing it soon-- it's now sitting at number eight in my Netflix queue. I guess no need to watch that now.
posted by norm at 10:16 AM on April 22, 2010

good luck with this one.
posted by desjardins at 10:18 AM on April 22, 2010

I'm not asking for a policy directive, cortex. But even a 120 year old short story has a virgin audience, and I think as a basic matter of courtesy and respect that revealing the major twist in an ending should go in the more inside. I'm certainly familiar with the story-- I just think that especially when a poster knows it's a spoiler and says so, while putting more inside, the revelation is a jerk move.
posted by norm at 10:18 AM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the Bible, Jesus wins.
posted by klangklangston at 10:18 AM on April 22, 2010 [26 favorites]

although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU
posted by desjardins at 10:19 AM on April 22, 2010 [12 favorites]

And while we're at it, let's try to nix these types of spoilers as well.
posted by pwally at 10:20 AM on April 22, 2010 [17 favorites]

at the end of lost it turns out its just a big commercial for carnival cruises
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:22 AM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the Bible, Jesus wins wasn't real.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:23 AM on April 22, 2010 [10 favorites]

SPOILER: Snape kills Dumbledore. And Rosebud is a sled.
posted by daniel_charms at 10:24 AM on April 22, 2010

although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU

The smoke monster was Paul.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:25 AM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

TBH I think anyone reading it fresh now is just going to think "Oh, it's one of those".
posted by Artw at 10:26 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

SPOILER: Luke Skywalker has a thing for his sister.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 10:27 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Keyser Soze is a sled!
Rosebud is a ghost!
Brad Pitt is Kevin Spacey!
posted by slimepuppy at 10:29 AM on April 22, 2010 [13 favorites]

SPOILER ALERT:





The walrus is Paul.
posted by slogger at 10:29 AM on April 22, 2010

norm: "I guess no need to watch that now."

Plutor's First Rule of Spoilers: If the ending being spoiled means there was no use in watching the movie, there was no use in watching it in the first place.
posted by Plutor at 10:29 AM on April 22, 2010 [62 favorites]

HISTORY: The boat sinks.
posted by moviehawk at 10:30 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

The smoke monster was Paul.

Hurley marries a polar bear and it turns out Walt is Jacob in blackface.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:30 AM on April 22, 2010 [7 favorites]

People are funny. They guard their media consumption with more jealousy than starved dogs guard their food.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:31 AM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

It's only a model.
posted by carsonb at 10:35 AM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Huh. Never read that short story. Guess I don't have to now?
posted by Atreides at 10:35 AM on April 22, 2010

The models were actually real monsters.
posted by Artw at 10:36 AM on April 22, 2010

Maybe we should just give this tshirt to all users who post spoilers. That way, we'll see them coming at meet-ups.
posted by questionsandanchors at 10:36 AM on April 22, 2010

even a 120 year old short story has a virgin audience

Have you seen Harold & Maude? I won't spoil it for you if you haven't.
posted by octobersurprise at 10:37 AM on April 22, 2010 [9 favorites]

although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU

Walt did it.
posted by special-k at 10:37 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

But even a 120 year old short story has a virgin audience, and I think as a basic matter of courtesy and respect that revealing the major twist in an ending should go in the more inside.

That's ridiculous. The world does not run on the schedule of those who want everything to be a surprise. It's actually quite discourteous to make other people conform to your wishes about what can and can't be discussed in public regarding one of the most anthologized short stories in American literary history. Frankly, I've kind of been on the fence about the multiple requests to hide spoilers, but this request, if indicative, makes me think that the desire for "spoiler protection" is based on irrationality, arrogance, and a general disregard for other people.
posted by OmieWise at 10:37 AM on April 22, 2010 [22 favorites]

SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the Bible, Jesus wins.

But takes +29 damage.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:39 AM on April 22, 2010 [13 favorites]

I am a spoiler extremist. There is far too much out there to read/watch/consume that anyone could be assumed to have read/watched/consumed any one particular thing. Therefore, all spoilers should be punishable, preferably by death.

Since people don't read/watch/consume everything from all of history in chronological order, the age of a thing should not mitigate one's sentence for having spoiled it. I have not had time to read the Illiad, nor a great deal of 18th century novels, but I still might, dammit!
posted by Jpfed at 10:40 AM on April 22, 2010

To be fair to the poster here, if i were making that post I'd probably link TV Tropes as "a common theme" rather than be explicit, though it might make the post a little more cryptic. And personally I get real pissed off when people spoil recent stuff, or even big spoilers for stuff under 10 years. Carefully alluding to something is probably okay, but


SPOILERS


actually does nothing to prevent you reading the spoiler 9 times out of 10. And of course any kind of greater obfuscation causes people to freak the hell out, because apparently making it slightly difficult to read some text is considered more dickish than throwing around naked spoilers.

Oh, and whatever mod removed that huge Kick Ass spoiler - thanks.
posted by Artw at 10:40 AM on April 22, 2010

People are funny. They guard their media consumption with more jealousy than starved dogs guard their food.

My media consumption is funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? My media consumption makes you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How is my media consumption funny?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:42 AM on April 22, 2010 [12 favorites]

I really never much liked all of those Civil War-ry "Twilight Zones." There were entirely too many of them and the pacing was always like molasses.
posted by blucevalo at 10:42 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Walt did it.

By "it" we mean, "grew up to be a white chemistry teacher living in the Albuquerque, NM area who becomes a meth producer, who sells meth to a young, mentally unstable man named Hugo who dreams he's on an island where he meets a young black man named Walt who...
posted by explosion at 10:42 AM on April 22, 2010 [8 favorites]

Yelling SPOILERS before discussing newish stuff is nice.

Yelling SPOILERS before discussing ANYTHING is just weird.

Spoiler: Magnets are miraculous.
posted by 23skidoo at 10:44 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

desjardins: "although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU"

We'll warn J.J. Abrams.
posted by boo_radley at 10:44 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:45 AM on April 22, 2010

Oh norm, you're being silly now.
posted by amro at 10:46 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER ALERT: Hamlet means "small town."
posted by klangklangston at 10:46 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

The lass has a penis!
posted by ericb at 10:47 AM on April 22, 2010

although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU

Jack screws something up and then cries about it.
posted by jrossi4r at 10:48 AM on April 22, 2010 [11 favorites]

He reached out his hand to touch the monster... and it was glass!

"A mirror", he thought, "I am the monster!"

Then the monster that was made of glass ate him!
posted by Artw at 10:48 AM on April 22, 2010 [20 favorites]

SPOILER:

Bacon is delicious.
posted by slimepuppy at 10:48 AM on April 22, 2010

That's ridiculous. The world does not run on the schedule of those who want everything to be a surprise. It's actually quite discourteous to make other people conform to your wishes about what can and can't be discussed in public regarding one of the most anthologized short stories in American literary history. Frankly, I've kind of been on the fence about the multiple requests to hide spoilers, but this request, if indicative, makes me think that the desire for "spoiler protection" is based on irrationality, arrogance, and a general disregard for other people.

I don't see much to argue with in this thread. I've made it very clear, I think, that a) I'm not arguing for a policy, and b) I'm not arguing that the twist can't be revealed, and c) I'm certainly not arguing that the discussion not happen. What I am stating is that a poster that recognizes a spoiler put it in the more inside. I'm "ask[ing] nicely". Is this position irrational, arrogant, or based on general disregard for others? Is it possible to disagree with me while recognizing that I have a legitimate position on this?

My statement to cedar key was sincere but not something worth a policy either-- it's personally annoying because of its proximity to my Netflix queue, but not something I would have independently called out because it's in a discussion that turned into something about spoilers anyway. I absolutely should have made that a bit more clear-- I'm not actually mad about it. My dry statement was far too dry to see that.
posted by norm at 10:48 AM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Spoilers for Stargate: Universe - it will look like it might get a bit interesting, then it won't.
posted by Artw at 10:49 AM on April 22, 2010 [12 favorites]

Henry Bemis's eyeglasses end up shattered.
posted by ericb at 10:50 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

There's all the time in the world to read - but also monsters. Made of glass. That fucking eat him.
posted by Artw at 10:51 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Spoiler sensitivity places the value of surprise above all the other attributes of a work. When writing about a work, focusing on what is or is not a spoiler distracts from the important considerations. It also devalues the common cultural memory; it puts the concern for your own enjoyment above the ability to participate in society and for society to discuss the work in question. Don't get me wrong, I'm sensitive to concerns about spoilering recent work (someone proposed 1 year after DVD release, which seems a reasonable compromise) but I don't think it is a cross that all discussions about narrative works to be held against.

The boat sinks, the ape dies, the millionaire's a bootlegger. Knowing these things in no way diminishes the value of the work they are from.
posted by theclaw at 10:51 AM on April 22, 2010 [10 favorites]

although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU.

I don't think Lost spoilers are even possible at this point. It seems pretty clear from the whole lets-not-even-pretend-to-make-sense-anymore approach being used this year that even JJ Abrams has no idea what's going on, anyway.
posted by rokusan at 10:52 AM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

"The lass has a penis!"

SPOILER: Lassie has a penis.
posted by klangklangston at 10:52 AM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

It was beauty that killed the beast, that and machinegun bullets.
posted by Artw at 10:52 AM on April 22, 2010

blue_beetles law: Any media that becomes unenjoyable to you because of "spoilers" isn't worth consuming.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:55 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

"It was beauty that killed the beast, that and machinegun bullets."

So, me and some friends go to see the most recent King Kong remake, the one with Jack Black. And it's long and boring and spectacular and whatever. We get to the end, and Black gives that immortal line, "Twas beauty that killed the beast," and one of the black dudes in the row in front of us jumps up and yells, "NAW! It was WHITE PEOPLE!"
posted by klangklangston at 10:57 AM on April 22, 2010 [46 favorites]

It's actually quite discourteous to make other people conform to your wishes about what can and can't be discussed in public regarding one of the most anthologized short stories in American literary history.

Yeah, but you're going on the assumption that everyone here should reasonably have already known about it, except that there are actually some smart people here who are still in high school (or younger) and are in the dark not because they're ignorant or lazy, but because they're still young.

Sure, this is a public place and we can't expect to cater to everyone's needs, but it's not nannyism to ask people to let others have a choice in reading a spoiler, it's just asking to remember that just because it's old news for you doesn't mean it's old news for someone else.
posted by stefanie at 10:58 AM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

rokusan: "I don't think Lost spoilers are even possible at this point. It seems pretty clear from the whole lets-not-even-pretend-to-make-sense-anymore approach being used this year that even JJ Abrams has no idea what's going on, anyway."

Finally, someone who clearly doesn't watch the show with an opinion about it. That's so refreshing.
posted by Plutor at 10:59 AM on April 22, 2010 [8 favorites]

Is this position irrational, arrogant, or based on general disregard for others?

It is. You're asking civilly for the world to be run on your druthers, in a way that limits how people can talk, in public, about the shared products of our culture. I do think there is a reasonable position on spoilers in which folks do not reveal the endings of things that were recently released. I do not think that it's courteous to ask people, even if one is asking nicely, to not talk about the ending of a 120 year old short story. I essentially think of this as analogous to copyright: I think limited copyright is a good idea, and actually fosters interesting creation; I think copyright in perpetuity, even if requested nicely, is an attempt to control the public sphere which I find unacceptable.

I also think, but I can understand why we may disagree, that the difference between a policy and a community norm is specious in this instance. You are asking for the latter, I see it as being the former de facto.

I would also say that my general level of pique, here, is partially at your presentation. You'd like me to acknowledge your legitimate position on this, but I'm not sure you've granted anyone else the same. After all, you started a MetaTalk thread declaring that 1) this was a spoiler, and, 2) that it was not ok.
posted by OmieWise at 11:00 AM on April 22, 2010 [8 favorites]

Any media that becomes unenjoyable to you because of "spoilers" isn't worth consuming.

Maybe, but if that's a justification for spoilering then bollocks to that. If something has a decent set up to a twist and you don't see whats coming then it's a major add to enjoyment of that experience. Spoilers kill that.
posted by Artw at 11:01 AM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Well, whatever you do, don't listen to Tom Stoppard when he says "The bad end unhappily; the good, unluckily. That is what tragedy means." That pretty much spoils a good chunk of world literature.
posted by scody at 11:05 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

norm: "I'm not arguing for a policy"

Why not? I'll do it.

Why don't we have some sort of spoiler tag? I use the 'Mefi deleted posts' greasemonkey script, and that has a remarkably elegant hide/show function. It seems like something like that would be relatively easy to implement, and let people spoil away.
posted by graventy at 11:05 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

SPOILER: ChucksNPaintbrushes still not gonna dump the dude that hit her.
posted by klangklangston at 11:07 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Spoiler sensitivity places the value of surprise above all the other attributes of a work.

No, spoiler sensitivity merely places the value of surprise above that of discussing specific surprises in specific works without giving some kind of warning beforehand. That's all.

If I go to a restaurant and order a dish but ask them "please hold the salt" I'm not saying "I value the absence of salt over EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT YOUR FOOD", I'm saying "I like this dish better without the salt". I like media and related conversation better without spoilers.
posted by Jpfed at 11:08 AM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

I do not think that it's courteous to ask people, even if one is asking nicely, to not talk about the ending of a 120 year old short story.

You understand this is explicitly not what I said, right?

You'd like me to acknowledge your legitimate position on this, but I'm not sure you've granted anyone else the same. After all, you started a MetaTalk thread declaring that 1) this was a spoiler, and, 2) that it was not ok.

1. Isn't it?
2. It is my argument that as a matter of courtesy that known spoilers go in the more inside, and otherwise it's not ok. This is an opinion, and I am arguing that it, yes, remain a community norm. Reasonable people can disagree, but I think it's discourteous otherwise.

Can you identify a bright line between a recently released work of art and an old one? If not, isn't it a more reasonable position that, regardless of the age of the work, that one put spoilers in the more inside? I am somewhat shocked that this is a particularly controversial request.

On preview:

norm: "I'm not arguing for a policy"

Why not? I'll do it.

I'm a bit of a MeFi dinosaur, I guess. I think that such issues are best dealt with by consensus and etiquette rather than hard core top down policies. I think it's better that way. If I'm just a member of a cranky minority, I can accept that. I could be wrong. I just don't think I am.
posted by norm at 11:11 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU

Lost has been spoilt since the 2nd season.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:12 AM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

SPOILER:

There will be no changes to MetaFilter's policies or practices on spoilers because of this thread. There. Now you can just fast-forward to the end.
posted by chinston at 11:14 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

most anthologized short stories in American literary history.

That umpteen trillion Americans, let alone MeFites from the rest of the world, haven't read yet.
posted by toodleydoodley at 11:16 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: It turns out that "Cthulhu" is code for "giant alien monster that has tentacles on its face that can survive being run over by a large steamboat."
posted by Caduceus at 11:20 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

1. Isn't it?

No. I can't see how this "spoiler" could possibly spoil the story for you (and I base my claim on the fact that I read the post in question before reading the story). If it isn't clear to you from the moment the seargeant steps off the plank that the man is deader than dead, you're reading it wrong.
posted by daniel_charms at 11:21 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yelling SPOILERS before discussing newish stuff is nice.

SPOILERS
You know, most people don't, but I like matzoh.
posted by inigo2 at 11:23 AM on April 22, 2010

Oh crap. That said newish.
Umm...never mind.
posted by inigo2 at 11:23 AM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

WAIT A MINUTE.

On the cover, what did that say? Did that say there will be a monster at the end of this thread?

It DID?!
Oh, I am so scared of monsters.
posted by carsonb at 11:24 AM on April 22, 2010 [50 favorites]

You read the next comment! What are you doing? Didn't you hear carsonb? there is a monster at the end of the thread!
posted by Artw at 11:25 AM on April 22, 2010 [12 favorites]

SPOLIER: It isn't Ghosbusters 2.
posted by ericb at 11:25 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Innit?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:27 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: Now Batgirl.
posted by klangklangston at 11:30 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

The Harkonnen win.
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:30 AM on April 22, 2010

Lost has been spoilt since the 2nd season.

I'm still mourning over this fact. I really wanted it to go somewhere good that made some kind of sense.
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:31 AM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Just as a rule of thumb: If everything is a bit weird and spooky the main character is probably mad or dead, or in a David Lynch movie where you're not really going to get an explanation for anything anyway.
posted by Artw at 11:31 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Any media that becomes unenjoyable to you because of "spoilers" isn't worth consuming.

Gee - Sweeping generalities and trivializing how large segments of the population interact with media is easy! Let's do more:

1) Any media that isn't worth consuming isn't worth commenting about and therefore isn't worth spoiling.

2) Any experience that is less interesting after listening to someone go on and on about it first could never have been worth experiencing had you had the option not to listen to them.

3) Courtesy is the jackboot of the ignorant.

I'm probably leaving something out... [SPOILER] Maybe something about "Profit."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:33 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER:

It's a cookbook!
posted by kuujjuarapik at 11:33 AM on April 22, 2010

PROFIT SPOILER: The dude slept in a fucking box!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:34 AM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

What's in the box? What's in the box? A PUPPY!
posted by Artw at 11:35 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: They all lived happily ever after.
posted by briank at 11:35 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: Fascists less vulnerable than expected to acoustic guitar attacks.
posted by enn at 11:35 AM on April 22, 2010 [16 favorites]

SPOILER: my monitor actually ends up with hot tea sprayed all over it, thanks to enn.
posted by scody at 11:37 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: Leaving milk unrefrigerated.
posted by klangklangston at 11:38 AM on April 22, 2010 [9 favorites]

1. Isn't it?

No.

I guess that's where we disagree. I see you asking for the definition of spoiler to be expanded to any ending that anyone may not know. I see that as too broad, and onerous to the community. You think talking about it inside is enough, I think being able to talk about it on the front page should be allowed. (I don't think it was particularly necessary in this case, but I think that's beside the point.) I understand that you think it's discourteous, but I think it's part of life, part of community. There are things here that I dislike as well.

An organic meat farm that has been selling at my local farmer's market for years started selling cooked burgers two weeks ago. Someone on our neighborhood email list has attempted to get people together to try to ban this practice because she is a vegetarian and finds it distasteful. I'm not particularly libertarian, but I don't like her stance. Smelling cooking meat is a fact of life in the US, it's a fact of life in our neighborhood. You can smell it outside other restaurants, you can smell it in backyards around dinner time. It isn't wrong, or uncivil, to cook meat. I hate the fucking drumming circle that sometimes "plays" near the market, and last week I had to walk through a bunch of white people pretending to be Ladysmith Black Mombazo, but I understand that the world isn't always to my liking. Ultimately my enjoyment would be more spoiled by trying to police the reasonable behavior of others.
posted by OmieWise at 11:39 AM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

Lost has been spoilt since the 2nd season.

I'm still mourning over this fact. I really wanted it to go somewhere good that made some kind of sense.

It's kinda fun having finally gotten past season one with the missus, because until now she's had this impression that it's about, I don't know... people stuck on a tropical island.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:39 AM on April 22, 2010

What's in the box? What's in the box?

A dick. A Dick in a Box.
posted by ericb at 11:41 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Spoiler: His girlfriend has a penis, A PENIS!!!
posted by Pollomacho at 11:41 AM on April 22, 2010

What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; there is nothing new under the sun

posted by edgeways at 11:41 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

SPOILER: That's why they call them business socks.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:43 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I just think that especially when a poster knows it's a spoiler and says so, while putting more inside, the revelation is a jerk move.

Agreed with you that this was definitely a jerk move.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:43 AM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

A few months back I decided that my knowledge of American history was abysmal so I purchased this book and recently started reading it. So naturally, I'd appreciate it if everyone here could start putting details about things that have happened in the U.S. since about 1760 or so in the [more inside] part of their posts. Thanks.
posted by turaho at 11:45 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm still mourning over this fact. I really wanted it to go somewhere good that made some kind of sense.

Seriously. I just watch occasional episodes now to see what crazy shit the cracked out writers have dreamed up to fuck with people. Time travel? Moving islands? Whatever, at least Glee doesn't pretend to take itself seriously (SPOILER).
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:45 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Damnit, ecrib beat me to it, well, in that case:

Spoiler: Fonzie sticks the landing.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:47 AM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Lesson learned: when "spoiling" something that's long faded from the short-term cultural memory (ie more than a few decades old), you should not call it a spoiler because someone might take offence. It won't be a problem otherwise.
posted by daniel_charms at 11:51 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

SPOILER: It was a mistake to decorate that saloon with his friend.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:51 AM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: Lucy and Ethel will have to eat all those chocolates.
posted by scody at 11:55 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

I am somewhat shocked that this is a particularly controversial request.

New to MetaTalk?
posted by cj_ at 11:56 AM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

"I don't think Lost spoilers are even possible at this point. It seems pretty clear from the whole lets-not-even-pretend-to-make-sense-anymore approach being used this year that even JJ Abrams has no idea what's going on, anyway."

Finally, someone who clearly doesn't watch the show with an opinion about it. That's so refreshing.

Because I'm disgusted at the sloppy storytelling and overused General Hospital chain-yanking, I "clearly" didn't watch the show?

Sadly, I have seen every episode, both the first twenty-odd good ones and the umpteen shite ones since, and I keep watching them, because I am foolish. I cling with dumb hope to the dream that maybe, just maybe, they will actually deliver on some of the great ideas planted in Season 1 and 2, rather than burn the whole final year on throwaway one-show plots, disposable new characters, and a stupid new retcon device ("candidates") that they didn't need anyway, all while ignoring fifty-seven aching contradictions and gaping holes before wrapping it all up with a kindergarten-morality lesson that pales in comparison to the false endings they used earlier.

In other words, I failed to learn the lesson traditionally known as [SPOILER FOLLOWS] Battlestar Galactica.
posted by rokusan at 11:58 AM on April 22, 2010 [6 favorites]

so, six <small> tags on either side will let you safely place a spoiler on the front page?
posted by toodleydoodley at 11:59 AM on April 22, 2010

In other words, I failed to learn the lesson traditionally known as [SPOILER FOLLOWS] Battlestar Galactica.

Oh, I thought you were talking about [SPOILER] ER. [Not Clooney-ist]
posted by scody at 12:00 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: The Dude abides.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:01 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

did someone say 120 year old virgin?
posted by infini at 12:02 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I failed to learn the lesson traditionally known as [SPOILER FOLLOWS] Battlestar Galactica

Like you wouldn't completely give up your advanced technology to go live with cave people, please!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:05 PM on April 22, 2010

Anything that's not good enough to have the ending spoiled is probably not worth reading/watching/etc.

(Okay, I don't actually believe this, but that's just because I read/watch a lot of stuff that would be kindly categorized as "crap" by many.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:07 PM on April 22, 2010

In other words, I failed to learn the lesson traditionally known as [SPOILER FOLLOWS] Battlestar Galactica.

heh, no kidding. This has all happened before...
posted by vorfeed at 12:07 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Spoiler: overindulgent parent.
posted by pracowity at 12:23 PM on April 22, 2010

Knowing these things in no way diminishes the value of the work they are from.
posted by theclaw at 10:51 AM on April 22 [5 favorites +] [!]

I agree with this completely, but I happened to be at my favorite bookstore a few years ago when G. R. R. Martin was giving a reading from his then newly published third volume of A Song of Ice and Fire, and before taking any questions he pleaded with members of the audience who'd read the book to avoid spoilers in such emotional tones I thought there was some danger he would break down and start crying.

I don't understand why, really, but if Martin feels that strongly about it, I have to think my attitude is a reflection of some kind of deficiency in me.
posted by jamjam at 12:23 PM on April 22, 2010

Like you wouldn't completely give up your advanced technology to go live with cave people, please!

omg, spoilers!

That was merely the shit icing on the shit cake for me -- the part that really blew my mind was where the Good Guys(tm) suddenly broke the truce and slaughtered all the Bad Guys(tm). At the end of a show that was clearly supposed to be a 9/11 allegory. After which the show-runners got invited to the UN to speak about tolerance. Because nothing says tolerance (or basic plot coherence, for that matter) like having Space Jesus appear out of nowhere so you can turn your "evil" enemy into the proverbial glass parking lot, right? mission accomplished!

Ugh, so stupid. 3/20/09 NEVAR FORGET.
posted by vorfeed at 12:23 PM on April 22, 2010

soylent green is PEOPLE!!!
posted by spinturtle at 12:27 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: some people stand up to wipe.
posted by slogger at 12:28 PM on April 22, 2010

We call those people shitasses.
posted by 23skidoo at 12:30 PM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

SPOIERELR: THE PRETTY NARTZI CANT ATCUALY READE
posted by Greg Nog at 12:33 PM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

did someone say 120 year old virgin?

SPOILER: He sleeps with Catherine Keener.
posted by turaho at 12:35 PM on April 22, 2010

soylent green is PEOPLE!!!

In the remake with Will Smith that line will be prefaced with "Aw, hell no!"
posted by Artw at 12:39 PM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

Waiting in line for Troy (the movie), well, we were discussing the Trojan Horse. Someone in the line got pissy because we were spoiling the ending. This spawned a line that is now classic in our circle "Charlotte dies; Frodo lives; Jesus does both! There, now I've spoiled three more for you."

My enjoyment of that moment aside, I do try to avoid giving out casual spoilers. In this case, though, in order to be properly spoilt, the reader would have to (a) either already know the exact meaning of "Dying Dream" in this context or voluntarily click through to the TVtropes article. ("Dying Dream" could just as easily refer to a failed aspiration, for example.) This is on top of the fact that, as has been pointed out, the story falls well outside most commonly-proposed spoiler time limits.

There comes a point where the inconvenience necessary to accommodate spoilerphobes exceeds the inconvenience of being involuntarily spoiled. Where that line falls varies quite a bit, but I feel that the verbal gymnastics necessary to reframe the post so that the spoiler warning lay outside the fold, but the spoiler itself was in the more inside seems to be the greater inconvenience.
posted by Karmakaze at 12:42 PM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

SPOILER: Jack Burton, that's who.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:47 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

^o_0^ -- it is i the monster rawr this thread is over
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:49 PM on April 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

SPOILER: From parts unknown!
posted by klangklangston at 12:50 PM on April 22, 2010

Spoiler: In the episode where everything goes wrong and a lot of people die some way will be found to reset everything.
posted by Artw at 12:51 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

And you were soooooooooo scared!
posted by cj_ at 12:51 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Potomac Avenue is made of glass and will eat you, after breaking your spectacles and burning down your library.
posted by Artw at 12:53 PM on April 22, 2010

Plutor's First Rule of Spoilers

Very true, although I will say that as I was watching Up in the Air last night (and greatly enjoying it) I did wish I hadn't been spoiled about [crucial fact about Vera Farmiga's character]. But I'm not mad at whoever spoiled me on it. It's just an inevitable fact of life if you're going to choose to participate in the internet.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:54 PM on April 22, 2010

So, anyway, the castle under the ground in The Outsider - literal or metaphorical castle?
posted by Artw at 12:54 PM on April 22, 2010

C'mon Horace. You didn't see that coming?
posted by kuujjuarapik at 12:56 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: Media enjoyed as child rarely as compelling when re-experienced in adulthood.
posted by klangklangston at 12:59 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Waiting in line for Troy (the movie), well, we were discussing the Trojan Horse. Someone in the line got pissy because we were spoiling the ending. This spawned a line that is now classic in our circle "Charlotte dies; Frodo lives; Jesus does both! There, now I've spoiled three more for you.""

Seeing that movie is much more fun with classics nerds (though not seeing it at all is probably the best choice).
posted by klangklangston at 1:01 PM on April 22, 2010

I did wish I hadn't been spoiled about [crucial fact about Vera Farmiga's character].

in a rare change for me, I wish I *had*. it made a movie I was really enjoying into a giant bummer, sort of.
posted by toodleydoodley at 1:02 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: better handling, reduced lift, totally awesome.
posted by carsonb at 1:03 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

SPOILER: Media enjoyed as child rarely as compelling when re-experienced in adulthood.

SPOILER: Raffi is the exception.
posted by carsonb at 1:04 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: Media enjoyed as child rarely as compelling when re-experienced in adulthood.
posted by klangklangston at 3:59 PM on April 22 [+] [!]

I saw a reference to "Arthur" (the Dudley Moore movie, not the aardvark) last night and thought, "I wonder. Naaaaah. Best not find out."

Because, remember when driving drunk was actually, literally, funny, at least to everyone who hadn't personally suffered the tragic consequences? I do.
posted by toodleydoodley at 1:05 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: I'm falling asleep at my desk.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:08 PM on April 22, 2010

C'mon Horace. You didn't see that coming?

Obviously it's hard to predict if I would have had I not known about it already, but knowing me, probably not.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:09 PM on April 22, 2010

It's fair to take minimal effort to prevent those who do not wish to be spoiled from being spoiled. Not because an otherwise good work becomes bad if you know the ending, but because a good work becomes different if you know the ending. Memento is still a good movie if you know the ending, but watching it knowing the ending is a different experience than watching it without knowing the ending. People who wish to do the latter should be allowed to.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:11 PM on April 22, 2010 [6 favorites]

It's fair to take minimal effort to prevent those who do not wish to be spoiled from being spoiled.

Even for 120 year old stories that most Mefites probably read in high school?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:12 PM on April 22, 2010

Spoiler: no plums. sorry.
posted by dhruva at 1:12 PM on April 22, 2010 [12 favorites]

SPOILER: This thread is actually taters, all the way down.
posted by rokusan at 1:13 PM on April 22, 2010

Because, remember when driving drunk was actually, literally, funny, at least to everyone who hadn't personally suffered the tragic consequences? I do.

My daughter caught an episode of The Jetsons and liked it, so we ended up watching a couple on demand and very quickly came to the conclusion that it was entirely about misogyny and substance abuse.
posted by Artw at 1:13 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the Bible, Jesus wins.

But takes +29 damage.

Reminds me of my favorite t-shirt ever.
posted by donnagirl at 1:16 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Reminds me of my favorite t-shirt ever.

Alternatively...
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:18 PM on April 22, 2010

Tbqqnzvg. Guvf vfa'g uneq. Lbh whfg gnxr lbhe shpxvat fcbvyre naq rapelcg vg jvgu gur fghcvqrfg rapelcgvba nytbevguz xabja gb zna. Naq gura gur crbcyr jub qba'g jnag gb trg fcbvyrq trg gb xrrc gurve cnagvrf ha-xabggrq, naq gubfr jub npghnyyl xabj ubj gb ernq gur tneoyrq grkg trg gb srry tbbq nobhg gurzfryirf sbe orvat areqf jvgu urnqf shyy bs bofpher yber. Rirelobql'f unccl.
posted by kaibutsu at 1:19 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

SPOILER: She gets paid to do the wild thing.
posted by applemeat at 1:19 PM on April 22, 2010 [7 favorites]

[Being spoiled is] just an inevitable fact of life if you're going to choose to participate in the internet.

I don't agree; it can be avoided, if you're cautious enough. I didn't read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows until two years after it was released (because I got into the books after the first three were out in paperback, so I only read each of the subsequent books in paperback because I HAD TO HAVE A MATCHING SET, DAMMIT, and curse Scholastic for not releasing HP&tDH in paperback until two years after the hardback when all the other paperbacks were released only one year after the corresponding hardbacks, but I digress), and I successfully avoided any major spoilers during that time, without limiting my time on the internet as a whole. Naturally, I avoided any HP-specific sites, and averted my glance as soon as HP was so much as mentioned on an otherwise non-HP related page, but I was successful. It can be done.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:20 PM on April 22, 2010

Even for 120 year old stories that most Mefites probably read in high school?

As was already noted above, some MeFites are still in high school.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:21 PM on April 22, 2010

JESUS SAVES!
And takes half damage.

posted by kaibutsu at 1:21 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

(Because he doesn't have the evasion feat, you see.)
posted by kaibutsu at 1:22 PM on April 22, 2010

kaibutsu - V gevrq fhttrfgvat gung. Rirelbar guerj n znwbe fuvgsvg.
posted by Artw at 1:25 PM on April 22, 2010

Also fuck you and your 4th edition Feats shit.
posted by Artw at 1:26 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Even for 120 year old stories that most Mefites probably read in high school?

SPOILER: it's either the lady or the tiger.
posted by sallybrown at 1:27 PM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

People who wish to do the latter should be allowed to.

Sometimes the universe just doesn't allow us the option. Even if everyone and his brother hadn't hinted fairly obviously about the 'secret' of the crying game, I knew what was up as soon as the movie started, because I'd seen Stargate first.
posted by nomisxid at 1:27 PM on April 22, 2010

kaibutsu - V gevrq fhttrfgvat gung. Rirelbar guerj n znwbe fuvgsvg.

Goddamn it, I told you this would happen if we started letting the Welsh get MeFi accounts!
posted by Pollomacho at 1:31 PM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

Lesson learned: when "spoiling" something that's long faded from the short-term cultural memory (ie more than a few decades old), you should not call it a spoiler because someone might take offence. It won't be a problem otherwise.

Confession: I never doubted referring to the "Dying Dream" element of the story on the front page, but I did debate with myself whether to include the big bold [SPOILER] reference... as a joke. It was a bad joke. And a jerk move. I've admitted before, as far as Spoilers are concerned, I am an asshole.

I blame it on being born the weekend before "The Mickey Mouse Club" debuted and watching TV for too much of the 54 years since. And having my dad yell at me for crying at the ending of "Occurrance at Owl Creek Bridge" on Twilight Zone when I was 8.

SPOILER: I will likely continue to make jerk moves in this area (but not ALL the time) and won't cry if the mods decide they're too jerkish and cut them out.

I do own the shirt (but wish it was available in 3X).

I also write recaps of TV episodes - if I didn't spoil everything, I wouldn't get paid. One I wrote about the final episode of "Frazier" included the details of several other past TV series finales (mostly ones I hated; Tommy Westphal ruined St. Elsewhere for me).

although if anyone spoils LOST I WILL CUT YOU.
I don't think Lost spoilers are even possible at this point.

Just last week when I published an article about Hurley a day before the episode aired, I tossed in a spoilery reference to what I believed was about to happen and I was right: "At least in the semi-parallel universe often referred to as the "flash sideways," in which the Flight 815 crash never happened, Hurley avoided the post-lottery curse and considers himself "the luckiest man on Earth." And that may be where he gets to live happily ever after with Libby, if the flash sideways universe has any "ever after"." (Libby had not yet appeared in the flash sideways and the promotion machine was hinting that her guest appearance would be as a ghost on the Island. Ha.) And I'm proud of that paragraph.

If I ever narrow my theories about how "Lost" will end to 3 or less (currently 7), I will make them obnoxiously public. Bring it on.

It seems pretty clear from the whole lets-not-even-pretend-to-make-sense-anymore approach being used this year that even JJ Abrams has no idea what's going on, anyway.

Abrams is not really in charge of "Lost" on a daily basis. Blame Damon Lindehof and Carlton Cuse, the latter of whom had previously created/produced "Nash Bridges" in which Cheech played a cop. SPOILER: Expect something at least as absurd as that.

So I am the monster at the end of this thread.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:35 PM on April 22, 2010

Since we're talking about LOST, I want to say that I can't believe I haven't seen anyone anywhere say that Jin is obviously the Candidate and not Sun, since she didn't teleport off the Ajira flight, and everyone who did was a Candidate and everyone who stayed wasn't.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:39 PM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

Someone should put a spoiler warning on every one of those riced-out Civics.
posted by davejay at 1:40 PM on April 22, 2010

Even for 120 year old stories that most Mefites probably read in high school?

As was already noted above, some MeFites are still in high school.

Well, that, and some of us are not from the USA.
That said, thank you for the story! It was pretty awesome, even knowing there'd be a twist.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:41 PM on April 22, 2010

Artw: (I was thinking of the ability from 3.5, actually, and have now remembered that it's not a feat at all... I actually haven't played 4th edition yet; the group knows 3.5 _really well_ and can look up anything in about 20 seconds on a laptop since all but two of the basic rules are available for free.)
posted by kaibutsu at 1:43 PM on April 22, 2010

Va guvf pnfr vg qbrfa'g rira UNIR gb vaibyir tbvat gb n fghcvq rapelcgvba nytbevguz. Crbcyr erznva ohapu-haqvrq jvgubhg npghnyyl (frrzvatyl) cnlvat nggragvba gb zl nqibpnpl: vs lbh xabj vg'f n fcbvyre (juvpu gur BC qvq), chg vg va gur zber vafvqr (abgvat gung gur BC chg BGURE GUVATF va gur zber vafvqr). Pbzr ba, V'z abg gnyxvat nobhg nalguvat eribyhgvbanel urer. Vg'f-- senaxyl-- orra gur jnl vg'f hfhnyyl qbar sbe gra lrnef. Vg'f n znggre bs pbhegrfl, abg snfpvfg cerfpevcgvir ehyrf.

Nygubhtu-- nterrq-- ebg13 vf cerggl naablvat.
posted by norm at 1:44 PM on April 22, 2010

Wouldn't their daughter also technically be a candidate for candidacy? She's a Kwon that was once on the island, admittedly only in utero.
posted by elizardbits at 1:46 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Man I'm glad I don't watch Lost anymore, it sounds stupid.
posted by Artw at 1:47 PM on April 22, 2010

Seriously. I just watch occasional episodes now to see what crazy shit the cracked out writers have dreamed up to fuck with people. Time travel? Moving islands? Whatever, at least Glee doesn't pretend to take itself seriously (SPOILER).

And usually I like time travel stuff more than just about anything else.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:48 PM on April 22, 2010

I love spoilers. I hate surprises. They cause me panic attacks and I have anxiety at the thought of something on its way to catch me off guard and take joy at my naivety. Spoilers are a way I can channel my control freak tendencies into harmless media-consuming omniscience.

And cheers to that, because at the end of this completely awesome and hilarious thread, [SPOILER ALERT], we are all going to take our clothes off and have a fantastic orgy.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:48 PM on April 22, 2010

You read the next comment! What are you doing? Didn't you hear carsonb? there is a monster at the end of the thread!

I love having kids. The amount of nostalgia that I get to experience again is just awesome.
posted by SpacemanStix at 1:51 PM on April 22, 2010

Wouldn't their daughter also technically be a candidate for candidacy? She's a Kwon that was once on the island, admittedly only in utero.

I don't think so, because Jacob's lighthouse mirror that he stole from Myst was pointed at the temple where Jin and Sun met, not anything to do with their kid.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:52 PM on April 22, 2010

Wait, did Jin actually get pregnant on the island? Or was she pregnant when she got there?
posted by elizardbits at 1:55 PM on April 22, 2010

SUN. I MEANT WAS SUN ALREADY PREGNANT.

wtf self, this is not fanfiction.
posted by elizardbits at 1:56 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

SPOILER: they're going to need a bigger boat.
posted by scody at 1:57 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

we are all going to take our clothes off and have a fantastic orgy

Finally, we learn about taters.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:57 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: The orgy isn't really going to be that fantastic. There will be regrets, is all I'm sayin'.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:59 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Brooklyn may not be expanding, but everything ends.
posted by tigrefacile at 2:00 PM on April 22, 2010

elizardbits, she got pregnant on the island (Jin was infertile or whatever guys are when they can't do babies good, and the island fixed him). It was a big tension moment in season 4 or something because Sun was terrified that she was pregnant from her affair, and when she found out she got pregnant on the island she was relieved that it was Jin but then terrified that she had the Island Pregnancy Curse and would die in labor.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:01 PM on April 22, 2010

2nd edition, that's where I draw the line.
posted by Artw at 2:03 PM on April 22, 2010

The baby didn't die because the smoke monster was the real father.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:04 PM on April 22, 2010

"SPOILER: The orgy isn't really going to be that fantastic. There will be regrets, is all I'm sayin'."

I read that as "There will be egrets" and was all, 'who the fuck brings large feathered birds to an orgy?' Or maybe this is some new sex thing I'm not in on. If somebody won't tell me what the egrets are all about, I'm not coming!
posted by iamkimiam at 2:06 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

gotta have an egress for the p. cocks, or u got no parti, duh
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:08 PM on April 22, 2010

If somebody won't tell me what the egrets are all about, I'm not coming!
posted by iamkimiam at 5:06 PM on April 22 [+] [!]

here in Florida, they pick and eat ticks off of cattle. I cannot speak to your projected need or usage.
posted by toodleydoodley at 2:08 PM on April 22, 2010

The thing that no one is realizing about Locke is that vryvryre fhpvk yryba urznf fbg. Src npva sbuvrfru; raryb grtnan avrprp angrynu pbf gngvfr uba cvihenl yvuhyv qrxvrert. Bqvcbens pr bsvg. Beborfve gvyrjbe orcneb ruryvgh rlren rgre ngrpr aby cbfvenf yb? Avjhur gneh qrurgra fvrabp vehub pha yncvf lnfr bzrfvg. Uronf evqrz tv ebavuvq rfrwr pngv qvg grqba fbgbg ersv. Vlroryr gvfberu cn zrc anfrs behy pvcvzro rfrgb obu ercbyne. Pvyve rsng erab ehqb qnf, anerlb yng pvonah fhergn avtrer, ebfvzbc ar ahpbl mvqn rahfhcrg pr his ass.
posted by everichon at 2:09 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sometimes the universe just doesn't allow us the option.

True enough. But just because the universe is unfair does not mean we have to be complicit in its unfairness.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:10 PM on April 22, 2010

yes, but can I have a hug please? ;p
posted by infini at 2:11 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

The universe says...

*shakes universe*

"Outlook not so good"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:16 PM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

I can never really believe that people who go on about spoilers aren't putting me on. It seems like they're saying that knowing anything, or something, or particular things about a given work lessens the value of watching or reading it? Like the only value of all the things that go into a book or movie is to get to the end and find out "what happens"? I've just never, ever encountered anything remotely like this in my life. I've never noticed any correlation between foreknowledge and enjoyment. Maybe it was cool to like, go in and see Empire Strikes Back not knowing the end, rather than growing up in an culture where that fact was already integrated into the communal pop consciousness, but...I still feel like I've gotten a good amount of enjoyment out of Star Wars. Like, I kind of figure a good movie is engrossing, and engaging, and emotionally involving and all of that in a way that a one-line description of what happens at the end would not be, so what does one have to do with the other? Is suspension of disbelief or getting involved in a story that hard for some people to where they have to be surrounded by a vacuum to do it?

If nobody had ever said the word "spoiler" to me I just don't think I would ever have imagined the concept existed.
posted by anazgnos at 2:21 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

otoh, can one really ever do a SPOILER for a bollywood movie? I mean, there's like, what, 3 to 5 narratives that have been repackaged, resung and redanced ever since Raja Harishchandra
posted by infini at 2:24 PM on April 22, 2010

Since we're talking about LOST, I want to say that I can't believe I haven't seen anyone anywhere say that Jin is obviously the Candidate and not Sun, since she didn't teleport off the Ajira flight, and everyone who did was a Candidate and everyone who stayed wasn't.


Shakespeherian, thank you for that I had seriously not even thought about that other than wondering "why didn't Sun and Ben teleport?" and that makes complete sense.
posted by Night_owl at 2:24 PM on April 22, 2010

I mean, the show made a pretty big point of specifically saying that both Ben and Ilana were not candidates, and they both didn't teleport.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:26 PM on April 22, 2010

The universe says...

*shakes universe*

"Outlook not so good"

Try Gmail.
posted by Night_owl at 2:26 PM on April 22, 2010

But use a strong password.
posted by Artw at 2:27 PM on April 22, 2010

But use a strong password.

e.g., ROSEBUDWASTHE[SPOILER!]SLED
posted by scody at 2:31 PM on April 22, 2010

Even for 120 year old stories that most Mefites probably read in high school?

As was already noted above, some MeFites are still in high school.

WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN ‽
posted by birdherder at 2:32 PM on April 22, 2010

I've never noticed any correlation between foreknowledge and enjoyment.

I think you are weird.
posted by ericost at 2:34 PM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

As was already noted above, some MeFites are still in high school.

Well, I'm not going to spoil Death Of a Salesman for them!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:35 PM on April 22, 2010

I am a Grant Morrison character and therefore do not experience linear time. What's the big deal?
posted by Artw at 2:35 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

The end of 1984 is kind of a bummer.
posted by Artw at 2:36 PM on April 22, 2010

Sorry, Nineteen Eighty-Four.
posted by Artw at 2:37 PM on April 22, 2010

I am a Grant Morrison character and therefore do not experience linear time.

SPOILER you fuck your sister
posted by Greg Nog at 2:38 PM on April 22, 2010

((((((hugs infini for crissakes!!!))))))
posted by toodleydoodley at 2:44 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I am a Grant Morrison character and therefore do not experience linear time.

SPOILER you fuck your sister
posted by Greg Nog at 5:38 PM on April 22 [+] [!]

wait shouldn't that be

ysopu fiulcek yrosupr soiislteerr
posted by toodleydoodley at 2:46 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

It seems like they're saying that knowing anything, or something, or particular things about a given work lessens the value of watching or reading it? Like the only value of all the things that go into a book or movie is to get to the end and find out "what happens"?

How do you get from "lessens the value," to "only value?" That's a pretty big, weird, and obtuse leap. Are you claiming that there's zero value to a work with a superior plot? I suppose all those authors slaving away to make their stories somehow unique are just wasting their time. The element of discovery has no value. Seeing something the hundredth time is no different than seeing it the first time. Hearing the same song 500 times in a row never gets old. In fact - why even create new works? Let's just save everybody the time and money and just watch one movie over and over and over and over and over. No wonder all we ever get anymore are endless remakes of 70s and 80s television series. Doesn't matter if anything new ever happens. Only matters if the spoilers got to see it first so they don't have to take 3 seconds of their time to be considerate and allow those who follow the same courtesy. Here's a perfect final sentence for you all to play with for all eternity so you can leave the rest of us to appreciate new ones: The end. Fucking brilliant. Never saw that one coming!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:49 PM on April 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

ysopu fiulcek yrosupr soiislteerr

whuh oh here comes a crazy silvery fluid! QUICK, EVERYONE, INTO THIS LEATHER OUTFIT
posted by Greg Nog at 2:49 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

It seems like they're saying that knowing anything, or something, or particular things about a given work lessens the value of watching or reading it? Like the only value of all the things that go into a book or movie is to get to the end and find out "what happens"?

It doesn't "lessen the value" in the sense of making it a bad story, but it does make it a different experience than experiencing the work unspoiled would be. Not worse, just different.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:51 PM on April 22, 2010

Well, depends on the importance of the twist to the production. I think the season one finale of Rome was fucking fantastic despite knowing exactly what was going to happen, because it was just so well goddamn produced. Up in the Air was great, but I think it relied much more on the twist, and I'm glad nobody spoiled it for me. The Sixth Sense? Yeah.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 2:58 PM on April 22, 2010

It doesn't "lessen the value" in the sense of making it a bad story, but it does make it a different experience than experiencing the work unspoiled would be. Not worse, just different.

I guess my feeling is that the field of art which actually relies on shock or surprise or twists is a much more narrow field than people make it out to be. I've never lived in a world where Luke's father or Rosebud were not just things that people threw around as cultural touchstones, and I've never resented being denied a different experience. I'd wager that out of all the people who have ever seen Star Wars, a vanishingly small number of them had no idea who Luke's father was going into Empire. But clearly these things have a value that goes beyond mere shock or surprise. Art can require a lot of things from it's audience, but the idea that it can only interface with a very specific mindset or state of knowledge to have an effect doesn't make sense to me. And the cry of "but I would have enjoyed it differently" just seems like a weird occult appeal to something that's really unknowable. The act of remaining unspoiled just ends up looking like a weird, religious ritual of self-denial that I don't understand. Of course, that doesn't mean that I go out of my way to fuck up religious rituals that I don't understand.
posted by anazgnos at 3:09 PM on April 22, 2010

QUICK, EVERYONE, INTO THIS LEATHER OUTFIT

And then the spankings?
[-1 for the recycled ref]
posted by carsonb at 3:11 PM on April 22, 2010

anazgnos: If you could learn exactly how every aspect of your life was going to turn out ahead of time, but could do nothing to change it or benefit from it, would you want to know? Not just surprise twists - everything. Really?

Seriously, I think you're limiting your understanding of the issue by concentrating solely on "twist" endings. This isn't just about twist endings. Most dramatic media tells a story with an arc. There is usually a conflict. The art of the piece resides, at least in part, in both the journey and the resolution. Except in artless pablum, both the course and the resolution are very often in doubt throughout the arc. Now no one here is saying that a masterpiece is valueless once revealed (except a few strawmen). What I'm saying is LET THE FUCKING ART DO THE REVEALING. Reading spoilers is like watching a world-class magician in the company of your blowhard friend who has to tell you how every trick is done before you've even seen it. Unless your blowhard friend is Penn Jillette, he should STFU, unless you don't care, either. But in this case, a huge percentage of the population unquestionably cares. And the spoilers damn well know it. So the same sentiment applies.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:37 PM on April 22, 2010 [9 favorites]

Art can require a lot of things from it's audience, but the idea that it can only interface with a very specific mindset or state of knowledge to have an effect doesn't make sense to me.

Who's idea is that? I don't think it makes very much sense to anyone.

And good lord, stop with all the "shock or surprise or twists" talk. Even aside from mysteries and tales with surprise endings, narrative art is interesting at least in part because it is a gradual reveal of events that have a cumulative effect. Like life. Knowing an outcome ahead of time, even of a mundane story, does not ruin it; but it does reduce your ability to experientially enjoy the craft the artist took in pacing and storytelling.

It may be true that a rereading or rewatching of a good piece of art can be even more rewarding than the first; but it is necessarily a different kind of experience. Like your personal memories are different than the experiences that produced them.
posted by ericost at 3:47 PM on April 22, 2010

NEO DIES
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 3:47 PM on April 22, 2010

Also, what Florence Henderson said.
posted by ericost at 3:48 PM on April 22, 2010

Also, what Florence Henderson said.

Well, she said that nothing happened when Barry Williams [SPOILER] took her to the Cocoanut Grove, but I'm not so sure I believe her.
posted by scody at 3:58 PM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

norm: Oh, and thanks a ton for spoiling Jacob's Ladder, cedar key.

A 20-year-old film, dude.

Hey, just to get this out of the way:

Adam Stanton kills Willie Stark. Al Mualim sent you to kill the nine other Templars in order to keep the Piece of Eden for himself. Al Mualim was a Templar. Alicia is a Valkyria. All six seasons of St. Elsewhere were imagined by an autistic boy looking into a snow globe. Alma is Mr. Wade's daughter. Ammon Jerro kills Shandra Jerro. Anakin is Darth Vader. Anna dies in a car crash and Kate's leukemia goes into remission. Archer is Shirou. Aslan dies then comes back to life and kills the White Witch. Barbossa comes back from Hell in Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Bellatrix kills Sirius. Black and White are the same person writing about Blue watching them in 'Ghosts.' Black Sarge dies. Blackadder dies at the end of every series except the third one. Booster actually hooks up with Valentina after you defeat her. Boxer gets shipped off to the glue. Brendan is Baltimore. Bruce Willis is a ghost. Bruce Willis' character is a ghost. Captain Aizen was pulling the strings of Soul Society all along. Captain America gets shot in the shoulder and three times in the chest. Captain Jack Harkness can't die because of Rose. Carapar is destroyed by Tren Krom. Charlie dies in the Looking Glass station after telling Desmond that it's Not Penny's Boat. Charlie kills Ethan. Charlotte was born on the Island. Chase gets fired from House's team. Christine is Virginia's mother. Clarisse gets hit by a car and dies in Fahrenheit 451. Claus is the Pig Army Commander. Dahlia saves Cecilia by sacrificing her own life. David Palmer, Michelle Dessler, and Tony Almeida die in the first 15 minutes of the 1st episode of Season 5 of 24. Doon and Lina escape from Ember and drop the Instructions to the rest of the city. Dormin is actually a Dark God and was using you to free the Shadow Spirits inside the Colossi which were actually pieces of himself so he could regain power and destroy the world. Ed dies, then Al sacrifices himself to bring Ed back, who then sacrifices himself to give Al his original body. Eddie, Jake[saving Stephen King from getting run over], Oy, Sheemie, and Pere Callahan die, as do Mia, Mordred Deschain and Walter/Flagg - in fact, Mordred kills Flagg - , Susannah goes through a door to New York where Eddie and Jake exist again, and the kid from Insomnia erases the Crimson King from existence, leaving Roland to climb to the top of The Dark Tower where he magically starts back in the desert from book 1. Edmond Dantés is The Count of Monte Cristo. Eli Vance is killed by a Combine Advisor. Eliwood kills Ninian in Fire Emblem. Fallon is Borden's clone and Angier is Lord Caldlow, and he dies at the end. Fayed detonates a nuke. Fon Master Ion too. Fry is Lars. Future Nathan is really Sylar, who killed the real Nathan then took his power. Gendo betrays Shinji regularly and Shinji never learns to expect it. George shoots Lenny. GLaDOS tries to kill you. Godot is Mia's old mentor. Gus and Charlie both die and Josie is really the Wyoming widow. Harry kills Voldemort, marries Ginny and has three kids. Harry Osborn finds out Spider-Man didn't kill his father then goes to save Peter Parker from the Sandman and Venom, but Venom kills Harry in the end. Harry Potter kills Voldemort. Hedwig, Moody, Scrimgeour, Tonks' dad, Dobby, Snape [who was good], Fred, Lupin, Tonks and Colin Creevey are killed in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Herman Toothrot is Grandpa Marley. Hunter was working for Croup and Vandemar who were working for Islington. In Debbie Does Dallas, Debbie does Dallas. In The Breakup Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn break up. In The Departed, Sullivan kills Costello, then is caught by Costigan, who gets killed by Barrigan, who then kills Brown, and then gets killed by Sullivan, who then gets killed by Dignam. In Tte last 10 minutes of Six Feet Under's finale everyone dies. Iris is Pearl's Sister. It was Earth all along in Planet of the Apes. It's all a video tape in Saw 2 -- his son is in the safe. It's not Penny's Boat. J.D. doesn't kiss Elliot after the cliffhanger. James killed Mary in Silent Hill 2. Jason Statham is the mole, but his partner never died, he just became Jet Li in War. Jean Grey is Phoenix. Jean Grey kills Cyclops and Xavier. Jesus dies and comes back. Kevin Spacey is Keyser Söze. King Leonidas dies at the end of 300. Kratos Aurion is Lloyd Irving's father. L dies when Light coerces Rem into writing L's name in his Death Note. Lelouch's Geass goes out of control and he accidentally tells Euphemia to kill the Japanese and then kills her when she does. Lennie kills Curley's wife by mistake so George kills Lennie. Leslie Burke falls into the river and drowns. Light, having been wounded by Matsuda, is finished off when Ryuk writes his name in the Death Note. Lightning McQueen loses the race. Long John Silver betrays Jim for gold at the end. Luke is a replica. Mace Windu is killed by Anakin and thrown out of a window in Revenge of the Sith. Magus was Janus in Chrono Trigger. Manfred von Karma killed Edgeworth's father, the crazy old woman is actually Lucy Barker, Sweeney kills her, not realizing who she is then kills Mrs. Lovett for not telling him she was alive then Toby kills Sweeney for killing Mrs. Lovett whom he loved. Master was killed by Liquid Snake who had been manipulating Solid Snake throughout the whole mission. Matoro bursts into light when he puts on the Mask of Life, bringing Mata Nui back from the dead. Maxim killed Rebecca in Rebecca. Mayor Madeline is Jean Valjean. Megaman.EXE is actually your dead baby brother. Mithos is actually Yggdrasill. Miyo Takano — the nurse — has been operating Oyashiro-sama’s curse since the beginning because she became obsessed with her adoptive grandfather’s research and made a pact to continue it and she also single-handedly kills Tomitake-san, who she's been having sex with. Moby Dick sinks the ship and kills everyone except the narrator. Mossman stops Breen from sending Eli and Alyx through the portal in Half-Life 2. Mr. Boddy was the butler in the Clue movie, M was Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes. Mr. Orange is a cop in Reservoir Dogs. Mrs. Coulter is Lyra's mother. Nel is the third Espada. Norman Bates is actually his own mom with a split personality disorder [him, not his mom]. Ocelot is Adam, and the Boss's son. Omega Supreme sacrifices himself to shut down Megatron's space bridge. Orson, Booker, and Sheldon watch a cartoon about themselves in the final U.S. Acres strip. Ovan is Tri-Edge. Palpatine is Darth Sidious. Parallel Donna kills herself to revert time back to normal, but then real Donna's brain almost explodes, so the Doctor erases her memory, hypothetically killing her. Pegnose Pete shows up again near the end, but the Ultimate Insult destroys his ego and he flees. Peter Petrelli is the exploding man. Professor YANA/Mister Saxon is the Master. Qui-gon Jin is killed by Darth Maul in the Phantom Menace. R.A.B is Regulus Black. Ra's al Ghul is a title rather than a specific person. Racer X is actually Speed's brother. Rachel and Ross get back together right at the end of Friends. Rachel gets killed by the Yeerks in the last book. Rand al'Thor is the Dragon Reborn. Rebecca quits her job at Hotel Babylon and recommends Charlie for the position. Revolver Ocelot is always a double agent. ROB is the Ancient Minister. Romeo kills Tybalt because Tybalt killed Mercutio. Rose returns in Series 4. Roxas is Sora's nobody. Sam kills Megatron with the AllSpark. Samuel L. Jackson/Mr Glass turns out to be the villain and the one who caused the train wreck and other disasters. Sasuke kills Deidara by driving him to blow himself up in an attempt to kill Sasuke and Pein kills Jiraiya. Sephiroth kills Aeris in Final Fantasy VII. Sephiroth Kills Aeris in Final Fantasy VII. Shadow Mario is actually Bowser Jr. in Super Mario Sunshine. Sheik is Zelda in Ocarina of Time [though Smash Bros. makes it not really a spoiler anymore]. Shing kills Mark at the climax of "A Better Tomorrow". Silent Bob said something. Sir Leigh Teabing is 'The Teacher'. SKX survives the gunshot and saves Ethan from Dorland, who is actually a member of the Oro. Snakes on a Plane is actually about snakes in a plane. Snape kills Dumbledore. Sovereign is a Reaper. Soylent Green is PEOPLE. Stan and his hockey team lose the big game. Starbuck, Tyrol, Tigh, Foster, and Anders are the Final Five Cylons. Stewie killing Lois was all just a simulation. Sylar kills his mother which causes him to go insane, paint New York going nuclear with his mother's blood, and decide to blow up the city for some inexplicable reason. Takezo Kensei is Adam Monroe. Teddy is actually a John G. and therefor is killed by Leonard. Tess of the d'Urbervilles murders Alec and is hanged. Tetra is Zelda in The Wind Waker. The aliens' weakness was common tap water. The antagonist of Diehard 3 is the brother of the terrorist from the first movie, but they're really planning to steal America's gold deposits, but they're really planning to destroy the gold, but they're really planning to flee with the gold to Canada. The Autobots' ship is really Omega Supreme. The Beatles break up in 1969. The button in the hatch really does have to be pushed. The Cloverfield monster is still alive. The elder was actually Dark Gaia the whole time. the Lord of the Flies is inside us all. The Man in the Black Cloak is actually Riku who looks like Ansem. The narrator is Tyler Durden. The past version of Opal Koboi turns out to be the one running the Extinctionists. The player character is Bhaal's son and Sarevok's brother. The Precursors are three osttels. The Resonator doesn't work. The Salesman Dies. The supposedly dead guy on the ground in Saw is alive and is Jigsaw, also known as John Kramer -- the cancerous old guy in the hospital. The talking boat is the King of Hyrule. The Third Hokage dies, as does Asuma. The villain behind SSBB's Subspace Emissary is a guy named Tabuu who kills all the characters in one attack. Thelma and Louise drive themselves off a cliff. They lose in Bad News Bears. Tony is shot by Chino and dies in Maria's arms. Tosh is shot by Grey and dies about a minute after Owen disintegrates in a room filled with nuclear radiation. Travis shoots Old Yeller because he has rabies. Trinity dies in The Matrix Revolutions. Turaga Dume is Makuta Teridax. V dies at the end of V for Vendetta. Van Helsing turns into a werewolf and kills Anna Valerious which wasn't really difficult given the fact that she was too weak to kill a fly. Vanguard is actually a giant ship. Vaughn dies in Alias 5x01. Venom stabs Harry Osborn with Harry's own glider in Spider-Man 3. Walter Sparrow is Topsy Kretts and Fingerling. Wander turns into a demon and is killed in Shadow of the Colossus. Will Turner becomes the captain of the Flying Dutchman. Winston betrays Julia when tortured with rats. Wolverine kills Phoenix. You are Darth Revan. Your party rejoins you after you fight them in Paper Mario 2. Zelda sacrifices herself to save Midna. Zelgius is the Black Knight. Zuko is the Blue Spirit.
posted by WCityMike at 4:00 PM on April 22, 2010 [16 favorites]

If you could learn exactly how every aspect of your life was going to turn out ahead of time, but could do nothing to change it or benefit from it, would you want to know? Not just surprise twists - everything. Really?

Honestly, I don't know. I don't know that I would choose to encounter it, and I don't know that I would deliberately avoid it. But, I think this hypothetical {{{UNIVERSAL SPOILER}}} would probably be a lot bigger, text-wise, than somebody could fit above the fold in an FPP, yeah? At the very least, if I did subject myself to it, I'd thereafter have to be satisfied that there was no reality in which I didn't look at the spoiler, so why worry about it after the fact?

I don't mean to concern myself with only "twist endings", but I think if we're not talking about twist endings than all this spoiler stuff has a lot less importance than people make out. Yes, narrative arcs and controlled revelation is an important element of storytelling, but it is not storytelling itself, and if a piece of work is good and effective, it will engage you regardless of what you think you know or don't know going in. If a piece of work relies substantially on lack of foreknowledge, then I think it's part of a much narrower discipline than "storytelling itself".

It's really funny you should mention magic because, you know, I do know a very little bit about sleight of hand, I have a very basic crude grasp of what goes on in, say, a standard cup and balls routine, and yet I still happily plunked down a pretty penny to watch Ricky Jay do it, and it was amazing because he is fucking amazing. A good magician engages you regardless of what you think you know about how he's doing what he's doing!

I don't usually go out of my way to read spoilers (though I have done so on occassion) and I don't go out of my way to "spoil" things for anybody else, but I also don't require anybody to alter their behaviour or manner of discourse on popular media for my benefit, or resent them for failing to do so, and I don't know why one would.
posted by anazgnos at 4:12 PM on April 22, 2010

And the cry of "but I would have enjoyed it differently" just seems like a weird occult appeal to something that's really unknowable.

Except that of the people who did see it unspoiled, and then saw it a second time, some of them will tell you that they did enjoy it differently. So while yes, it's "unknowable" in the sense that's it impossible to say with the certainty of a geometric proof that anyone who didn't get the chance to see it unspoiled would have enjoyed it differently if they had, it's not an unreasonable conclusion and certainly not a "weird occult appeal."

I also don't think Citizen Kane is really the best example of a movie that shouldn't be spoiled; I don't think it makes that much difference to know the spoiler in advance there, certainly less so than many other movies. (Although I could be arguing from ignorance since I myself never saw it unspoiled.)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:17 PM on April 22, 2010

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about the ending of Fight Club
posted by anazgnos at 4:30 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

YES!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:31 PM on April 22, 2010

Those are some nerdy goddamn spoilers there, WCityMike.
posted by graventy at 4:36 PM on April 22, 2010

graventy: Those are some nerdy goddamn spoilers there, WCityMike.

Just this plus some text manipulation/extraction. :)
posted by WCityMike at 4:50 PM on April 22, 2010

anazgnos, you seem to be amazed that not everyone is exactly like you. You might want to get over that.
posted by languagehat at 4:51 PM on April 22, 2010

Real LOST spoilers for the next episode (not a joke)
posted by empath at 5:00 PM on April 22, 2010

anazgnos: The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about the ending of Fight Club

When rereading Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan, I began noticing some of the names on various corporation logos. I broke out laughing when I noticed one of them was Durden Demolition. (The other I enjoyed was Bickle Cab.)
posted by WCityMike at 5:01 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

You really don't want to win Shirley Jackson's lottery...
posted by horsemuth at 5:48 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

you seem to be amazed that not everyone is exactly like you.

If by "amazed" you mean "horrified", sure.
posted by anazgnos at 6:23 PM on April 22, 2010

You really don't want to win Shirley Jackson's lottery...

Oh, man - that would totally rock!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:17 PM on April 22, 2010 [14 favorites]

You really don't want to win Shirley Jackson's lottery...

Oh, man - that would totally rock!

I cannot favorite this comment hard enough.
posted by Night_owl at 7:54 PM on April 22, 2010

Oh, man - that would totally rock!

Dudebro, what have I told you about posting while stoned?
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:02 PM on April 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Turns out....Ha! you're going to laugh at this...that AskMeFi is...[SPOILER ALERT] The Fucking Clown Show. Who Knew?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:02 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER ALERT: Marley and Me
posted by fyrebelley at 8:45 PM on April 22, 2010

Oddly enough the issue of Historical Spoilers came up when ROME was going on and people were talking about it. The general consensus was it's not a spoiler if we have a MONTH named after a character.
posted by The Whelk at 8:55 PM on April 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

MONSTER AT THE END OF THE THREAD
posted by The Whelk at 9:05 PM on April 22, 2010

SPOILER: It's all a figment of Cameron's imagination.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:09 PM on April 22, 2010

Oh, man - that would totally rock!

Not as much as playing Boulder Dash on the old Commodore 64!
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:10 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Spilder: You're all inside a snowglobe I'm holding.
posted by The Whelk at 9:14 PM on April 22, 2010

early July, 2005:

So, uh, see the new film Serenity yet? Oh, not yet? Ok...

... ... *begin to tremble... shake*

THEY KILLED WASH! THEY FUCKING KILLED HIM JESUS CHRIST *sobs uncontrollably*
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:15 PM on April 22, 2010

there there now, shhhh, cry into the dinosaur, yes, shhh, let him take your tears. shhhh.
posted by The Whelk at 9:18 PM on April 22, 2010

I hate spoilers.

I mean, I hate the term. For fuck's sake, a story isn't a glass of milk left sitting on the kitchen counter. It doesn't rot as it sits. (Just the opposite, really.)
posted by desuetude at 9:26 PM on April 22, 2010

The models were actually real monsters.

Well thanks for spoiling "Pickman's Model", Artw.
posted by Mister_A at 10:11 PM on April 22, 2010

The Whisperer In Darkness actually has crabs and some kind of fungal condition.
posted by Artw at 10:20 PM on April 22, 2010

He doesn't fix the cable, it wasn't even out to begin with.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:36 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

horsemuth: You really don't want to win Shirley Jackson's lottery...
It's Raining Florence Henderson: Oh, man - that would totally rock!
cortex: Dudebro, what have I told you about posting while stoned?
SpacemanStix: Not as much as playing Boulder Dash on the old Commodore 64!

These puns would be a lot more bearable if I were on Pebble Beach right about now.

Still, gotta love Mefi for some quality punning. Don't want you guys thinking I take you for granite.
posted by WCityMike at 10:45 PM on April 22, 2010

My sediment exactly, WCM...
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:18 PM on April 22, 2010

^-_-^ zzzzzzz










quiet u guys he's sleeping dont w-




^*_*^



oh shi--
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:03 AM on April 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Isn't it great when you are out having a good day, full of awesome, and at the end of it there's a hilarious MeTa in your RA?

Well, my great day included a part where I won $100 in money at a symposium mefite speicus was involved in, with a presentation based on a project I started in AskMe: So, followup/spoiler? Mefi rules!

$100! In money!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:08 AM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

$100? That's 20 MeFi sign-ups! Or 5 "same as in town" jokes!
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:06 AM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

SPOILER: the wind resistance will be reduced.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:57 AM on April 23, 2010

I've always liked hiding spoilers in an attribute that causes them to appear on hover, like so:

When this baby hits 88 mph, HOVER FOR SPOILER.
posted by SpiffyRob at 8:06 AM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Ah, I was wondering about that!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:15 AM on April 23, 2010

I have not had time to read the Illiad

the trojans break and odysseus spends 20 years avoiding the mother of his child

sort of
posted by pyramid termite at 9:53 AM on April 23, 2010

It would be cool to have entire ROT13 threads. And all the noobz be like "Wha?"

I'm late to the thread, again, but I still want to play!

[Spoiler] Harrison, while floating, is shotgunned down.
[Spoiler] She blows up parliament! After he dies.
[Spoiler] He's programmed to do whatever he is told, as long as it's prefaced with "Would you kindly?".
[Spoiler] Spike dies.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 10:10 AM on April 23, 2010

It's actually September 2001, and Edward just got a great new job in the WTC.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 10:21 AM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

"the trojans break and odysseus spends 20 years avoiding the mother of his child"

That's the Odyssey. The Iliad is the one where Achilles pouts until Hector hectors his boytoy and then Achilles flames out taking most of the Trojans with him.
posted by klangklangston at 10:22 AM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Have you seen Harold & Maude? I won't spoil it for you if you haven't.

Seeing it will that just fine.
posted by y2karl at 10:34 AM on April 23, 2010

er, will do that just fine.
posted by y2karl at 10:35 AM on April 23, 2010

Clytemnestra kills Agamemnon in his bathtub.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 10:40 AM on April 23, 2010

no silly that was Marat and Charlotte
posted by infini at 11:10 AM on April 23, 2010

Damnit infini! I was still typing that!
posted by Pollomacho at 11:14 AM on April 23, 2010

blazing saddles dude blazing... ;p plus its friday night where i'm at ;p after happy hour
posted by infini at 11:18 AM on April 23, 2010

Ah, I was wondering about that!

If I can be bothered, I prefer to use <abbr> instead so it doesn't get overlooked as just being bolded text.
posted by juv3nal at 12:03 PM on April 23, 2010

Both work!
posted by SpiffyRob at 12:59 PM on April 23, 2010

It's actually September 2001, and Edward just got a great new job in the WTC.

Speaking of which, I've been itching to hear how coldchef's trip to the movies with his nieces went.
posted by scody at 1:20 PM on April 23, 2010

To the OP:

"The internet- it's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross, but it's not for the timid."

...with apologies to Q.
posted by inturnaround at 1:47 PM on April 23, 2010

Fun thread.

New to MetaTalk?

No.

I rather liked Harold & Maude. I will spoil it myself for those who stopped watching mid-way through the Tom Skerrit cameo: the protagonists do not get convicted of "Possession of a stolen shovel."
posted by norm at 2:29 PM on April 23, 2010

posted by norm: New to MetaTalk?

No.

well, this is the norm.
posted by gman at 2:50 PM on April 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

how could you?
posted by infini at 3:00 PM on April 23, 2010

SPOILER: Joey has seen a grown man naked.
posted by maxwelton at 1:19 AM on April 24, 2010

I really don't care that the story in question is really old and practically a hackneyed cliche of a twist ending.

Just so we're clear, something is not cliché if it is the thing which many others have imitated. Most of these "hackneyed cliche of a twist ending" stories to which you refer were COPYING An Occurance at Owl Creek Bridge. The copiers made it cliché.

As another example, in The Prelude by Wordsworth, he uses the phrases "world of pain" and "here, there, and everywhere." Those are clichés NOW, but they were not clichés when he first used them. Same dilly-o.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 8:54 AM on April 24, 2010 [2 favorites]

Dilly-o became a cliché after Will "The Fresh Prince" Smith used it.
posted by klangklangston at 11:09 AM on April 24, 2010

you forget to add "know what i'm sayin'...." after that ;p
posted by infini at 11:54 AM on April 24, 2010

SPOILER: Batman never fights fair
posted by zippy at 5:09 PM on April 25, 2010