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Apologetics
June 6, 2010 11:17 AM   Subscribe

An apology to the community.

I want to apologize to the community for operating the Blue under the influence. I am taking a break from the bottle as I do not recognize the gentleman posting under my username after hours anymore. I am sincerely sorry that I tanked the level of discourse around here on more than one occasion. Thank you for the wake-up call, Mefites. Keep on with your bad-selves and thank you for the inspiration to move up and on with things.
posted by joe lisboa to Etiquette/Policy at 11:17 AM (104 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

I am not sure to what comments you're referring, but best of luck to you as you move forward in life.
posted by amro at 11:49 AM on June 6, 2010


You're not gonna drink that?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:51 AM on June 6, 2010 [13 favorites]


Class act. Good luck with resolving the issue.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:51 AM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


You're not gonna drink that?

Ugh. Only on MetaFilter.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:52 AM on June 6, 2010


Ugh. Only on MetaFilter.

Nah, I took it in good cheer. Help yourself, Ambrosia V.
posted by joe lisboa at 11:53 AM on June 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


joe lisboa: I am taking a break from the bottle as I do not recognize the gentleman posting under my username after hours anymore.

Good luck, joe. Hope you stick to it better than bagel stuck to his last declaration on the Grey.
posted by paisley henosis at 11:55 AM on June 6, 2010


There are more than a few drunk posters here, and it sometimes is a bit sad.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:02 PM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I don't know what you're referring to either, joe, but good on you for making a hard life choice. I hope it works out for the best.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:06 PM on June 6, 2010


> Good luck, joe. Hope you stick to it better than bagel stuck to his last declaration on the Grey.

If only you would flame out and leave for awhile, paisley.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:11 PM on June 6, 2010


Thanks, joe, and good luck to you.
posted by rtha at 12:16 PM on June 6, 2010


Before this gets any uglier joe I just looked back at your comments history and it seems like you're mostly witty and effusive while drunk-posting. Maybe something got deleted or whatever but if it means anything, I still like ya.

Good luck with the sobriety, but do stick around.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:17 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


How's the saying go? It's better to flame out than fade away...

Good luck, Joe!
posted by kaibutsu at 12:18 PM on June 6, 2010


This is simply my personal opinion, mind, but I think it would be awesome if we could manage to stick with being supportive for Joe (good on ya, Joe!) and not start kicking each other.
posted by scody at 12:19 PM on June 6, 2010 [36 favorites]


Oh come on burh, when somebody makes a dramatic exit they earn this kind of comment when they return.
posted by joost de vries at 12:20 PM on June 6, 2010


> Oh come on burh, when somebody makes a dramatic exit they earn this kind of comment when they return.

Bullshit. Anyway, best to you joe.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:21 PM on June 6, 2010 [5 favorites]


Thanks for the kind words all, not trying to hog the thread but just wanted to clarify: am not leaving the site, but am also not drinking for a month. I will try to find another way to remain effusively witty (that is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me on this site - thank you!) without acting like a raging arsehole.
posted by joe lisboa at 12:23 PM on June 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


Hey, good luck, joe lisboa. And there's a whole MeTa linking to lots and lots of good advice on stepping away from the bottle.

To others: consider not gleefully poking people with sticks just because you have two hands and a keyboard, FFS.
posted by desuetude at 12:24 PM on June 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


Joe, I don't accept your apology.

Since I didn't notice any arseholeness of yours.
But I applaud your taking a break of drinking.
posted by joost de vries at 12:27 PM on June 6, 2010


I have a friend who has a 30-day break from alcohol at least once a year. Says it does him a world of good. I have yet to test it myself, but good on you for your resolution, joe.
posted by EvaDestruction at 12:30 PM on June 6, 2010


Best of luck Joe. I've never thought of you as a raging arsehole, but hey, there's no accounting for taste.

Also, welcome back dnab!
posted by kuujjuarapik at 12:31 PM on June 6, 2010


when somebody makes a dramatic exit they earn this kind of comment when they return.

Nope.

Thanks for the apology joe, I was a little wondering.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:38 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck to you Joe. Wishing you all the best.
posted by Kangaroo at 12:44 PM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Good man.
posted by middleclasstool at 12:46 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck joe. I'm sorry.
posted by greasy_skillet at 12:58 PM on June 6, 2010


Apology accepted. Good on you, and good luck. I wish you well.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:59 PM on June 6, 2010


Good for you, joe. I used to do that with email back when I drank more frequently. Then google labs came up with mail goggles for gmail, which forces the user to do a series of (normally) simple math problems before sending an email after a user-defined hour -- "problems" indeed for the inebriated non-mathy types. I must say it helped immensely!
posted by heyho at 1:00 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Best of luck from me as well.
posted by languagehat at 1:03 PM on June 6, 2010


when somebody makes a dramatic exit they earn this kind of comment when they return.


dude, even if you've never struggled with the bottle or the whatever-all at anytime in your life, this kind of comment is bullshit x 1000

Good luck Joe. Be sure to get plenty of support, in whatever fashion suits you.
posted by angrycat at 1:05 PM on June 6, 2010


Hats off to to you joe, the best of luck and the greatest of wishes that you'll find what you seek.

I've been listening to inspirational TED talks all day, and here's one you might like, right about now.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:08 PM on June 6, 2010


It's more your perception of not recognizing that person posting than anything you've done wrong - is my take, anyway. Good for you and best of luck (that doesn't necessarily mean "goodbye").
posted by marimeko at 1:10 PM on June 6, 2010


when somebody makes a dramatic exit they earn this kind of comment when they return.


dude, even if you've never struggled with the bottle or the whatever-all at anytime in your life, this kind of comment is bullshit x 1000


I don't this comment was aimed at Joe but at dnab, who had declared to all and sundry in a previous metatalk thread that he was leaving and this time he WOULD NOT be back, and thus some thought he earned a bit of ribbing now that he is in fact back.
posted by modernnomad at 1:11 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


angrycat, I don't see what this has to do with 'the bottle'.

The dramatic exit merits being teased about I think. I admire people who grow up and can recognise the temporariness of their moods. There's a dignity in that that I admire.
But of course we don't always do and act foolish now and then. There's nothing wrong with that. But it does merit a gentle form of mockery.

I'm not convinced by your comments of "bullshit" and "nope". Feel free to delete my comment or ban me if you want.
posted by joost de vries at 1:15 PM on June 6, 2010


> The dramatic exit merits being teased about I think.

A mod has already told you you are wrong. I sure hope people notice and respond accordingly, because "can't you take a joke?" passive-aggressive "teasing" sucks and people should knock it off.
posted by languagehat at 1:17 PM on June 6, 2010 [6 favorites]


Guess I haven't been paying enough attention, because you're not on my "raging arseholes" list, but best of luck to you, joe.

Any band in need of a name is welcome to "The Raging Arseholes"
posted by Quietgal at 1:17 PM on June 6, 2010


Take care, Joe - and glad you'll still be around. I have enjoyed many of your comments :)
posted by pointystick at 1:19 PM on June 6, 2010


Physiological sobriety is good, but discursive sobriety sure is fucking boring.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:30 PM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


The dramatic exit merits being teased about I think. I admire people who grow up and can recognise the temporariness of their moods. There's a dignity in that that I admire.
But of course we don't always do and act foolish now and then. There's nothing wrong with that. But it does merit a gentle form of mockery.


If you're good friends with someone, yeah, you can make it obvious that you're engaging in gentle mockery. Especially if it's really relevant to the main discussion, and maybe they sorta indicate that they're receptive to a little affectionate teasing. And you know them well enough to know this.

Uhhh, I don't think that this was an example of that.

I mean, c'mon, the thread isn't even about leaving. It's a pretty big stretch to say that taking a break from drinking is like taking a break from the site therefore it's fair play to snark on one user's well wishes to another.
posted by desuetude at 1:31 PM on June 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


I agree with Marimeko, and you certainly don't need to apologise to me for anything. Good luck. Glad that you will still be around and you're not bailing out on us.
posted by Elmore at 1:44 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck with this, I did it myself once and was lucky to have someone there around day 29 to stop me buying a large pack of beers to 'celebrate' the end of day 30. Don't think of it as 30 days exactly or you can easily fall back into it.
posted by knapah at 2:25 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck, Joe. Though being a Tigers fan can tempt the inebriation of any man.
posted by klangklangston at 2:31 PM on June 6, 2010


Ugh. Only on MetaFilter.

I'm 12 years sober and I lolled. Joe, any hearfelt attempt to keep Metafilter good is appreciated. Hopefully the effort will bear fruit in other aspects of your life as well. Cheers! oops... is "cheers" appropriate?
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:33 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Good luck with it, joe.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:45 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck, Joe. You know, you might find Champ 2010 interesting to keep up with – the guy is a webcartoonist, who is illustrating his taking a break from alcohol. His intent is to be abstinent throughout 2010. It's been an interesting read thus far. Think I found it via Metafilter.
posted by WCityMike at 2:46 PM on June 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


What everybody else said - I can't recall any arseholish behaviour, but good on you anyway.

And didn't b'stan make a dramatic exit? I seem to recall a lot of pasted markovfilter & "you are all educated stupid" humbuggery.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:58 PM on June 6, 2010


I have always liked you, joe, and I hope you work this out. It can be hard, but it can be done.

I know that because I had to stop drinking except in very constrained circumstances myself. I had gotten to the point that drinking an entire fifth of vodka just got me mildly buzzed, and I was having pretty deep blackouts. I didn't recognize the person that people described to me as myself when I was drinking. So I had to completely stop drinking for a long time, and even then I have to be careful that when I drink it only comes in one glass instead of a dozen, which is what used to happen. I know that there are lots of people who would not view my circumstances as alcoholism, and I didn't need to go 12-stepping about, but you have to decide when you are uncomfortable and make your own decisions, which it sounds like you have done. That is a really important and good thing to do.

Good luck.
posted by winna at 2:59 PM on June 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


I know that there are lots of people who would not view my circumstances as alcoholism

You obviously haven't been reading alcohol-related threads on the green recently, then.

The current threshold for an internet diagnosis of alcoholism is anything above one annual snifter of port at xmas.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:08 PM on June 6, 2010 [6 favorites]


Good chance you're correct WCityMike.
posted by edgeways at 3:09 PM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Is this the place to throw in a Pony Request for breathalizer-required access to the site?
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:14 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


I will try to find another way to remain effusively witty (that is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me on this site - thank you!) without acting like a raging arsehole.

I was there before the mod cleanup and didn't see anything especially awful, just a pretty right-on putdown of Scalia.
What was awful was the person who took offense to what you said and then started calling you names normally used by Victorian chimneysweeps and football hooligans.
posted by dunkadunc at 3:16 PM on June 6, 2010


Is this the place to throw in a Pony Request for breathalizer-required access to the site?

From Web 2.0 to Web 0.02.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:34 PM on June 6, 2010 [7 favorites]


Do what you got to do, Joe. And if you ever feed the need to discuss considering a more permanent, non-12-step sobriety, drop me a Mefimail/email.
posted by Bookhouse at 3:46 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck, Joe. Just remember: don't use a sockpuppet as a crutch for GUI-DUI (best tag ever, by the way.) If you make it a month, go for two, and don't go away no matter what.
posted by davejay at 3:49 PM on June 6, 2010


Good for you, Joe. I'm taking a bit of a break, too, so solidarity, y'know?

Any of my comments here that weren't really, really funny I was drunk for.
posted by Nabubrush at 3:49 PM on June 6, 2010


Best wishes Joe. I've taken extended breaks from Demon Rum before and found it liberating. Let us know how you feel, that is, if you feel like it ;-)
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:52 PM on June 6, 2010


Don't know what threads or comments you're talking about, Joe, but best of luck. And if you need to talk PM me and I'll send you my phone number.
posted by Splunge at 3:58 PM on June 6, 2010


I don't know what you did or didn't do, but good for you for realizing you need a break from drinking. It took a few years of being online to realize when I should not be TWD (typing while drunk), and I did and said some really stupid things during those years. Now I'm married and old and boring and generally don't drink. It's better this way.
posted by desjardins at 3:58 PM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Drinking and posting is not as dangerous as drinking and driving. But I have not done it in a long time and I cannot imagine ever doing it again. I know of at least one banned metafilter person who would not have gotten banned if they heeded the hazard and refrained from drinking and posting.
posted by bukvich at 3:59 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck, and I hope it doesn't get too rough.
posted by dilettante at 4:07 PM on June 6, 2010


The current threshold for an internet diagnosis of alcoholism is anything above one annual snifter of port at xmas.

Nothing personal but as someone who has contributed to many AskMe threads on alcoholism, this isn't at all fair. Granted there are a lot of differences of opinions about how much drinking is too much, but I think there are very few people here who will call you an alcoholic if you drink irregularly and not often to excess. People's lives are wrecked by alcoholism, theirs and others, and belittling other people trying to have an "am I drinking too much?" conversation by essentially calling them alcohol prudes sucks.

I've been fairly clear and open about my own personal and familiar troubles with alcohol and I know it's a difficult path, made more difficult often by people who try to fight with you about your own personal assessments. Good luck with whatever you wind up doing joe, and feel free to MeMail if you want someone to talk to.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:11 PM on June 6, 2010 [23 favorites]


I like joe and hope he's okay, whatever he decides to do.

That said, any kind of admonitions about alcohol use among members of this site are downright hilarious. If there was any real antipathy to posting-under-the-influence this place would've withered up and died a long time ago.
posted by jonmc at 4:20 PM on June 6, 2010


Best of luck to you Joe.

I'm going to take the opportunity here to say that I've also made dumb comments under the influence - comments that I've regretted after the fact. Apols to anyone that may have been offended by any of my comments previously. While I've had disagreements with some mefites, I genuinely don't have a hate-on for anyone here.
posted by panboi at 4:23 PM on June 6, 2010


Hey, Joe, enjoy your break. I've taken a couple here and there over the years, and in some ways, I actually enjoy them. It's a different kind of fun than drinking, and definitely more of a personal fun. Either way, it's good to recognize when it's time to take a break. And yeah, it doesn't need to end at 30 days. On the other hand, that first beer back will taste pretty nice. The first hangover, on the other hand, will suck more than usual. Just so you're warned.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:28 PM on June 6, 2010


*organ music*
posted by jonmc at 4:29 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


i quite drinking 20 years ago, so the only thing i have to blame my assholeish behavior on is my assholeish behavior!

um ...
posted by msconduct at 4:50 PM on June 6, 2010


Good luck, and best to ya! Always stopped scrolling with interest when I hit one of your comments - glad you aren't leaving the site.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:53 PM on June 6, 2010


belittling other people trying to have an "am I drinking too much?" conversation by essentially calling them alcohol prudes sucks.

OK, sorry about the hyperbole there. Not very helpful at all.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:56 PM on June 6, 2010


good luck mate.

"What was awful was the person who took offense to what you said and then started calling you names normally used by Victorian chimneysweeps and football hooligans.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:16 PM on June 6 [+] [!] "

brings new meaning to the phrase "who's the wanker in the black?"
posted by marienbad at 5:02 PM on June 6, 2010


Awesome. We're here for you! And if you have any questions, you know where to go.

Also, think about maybe posting a sober meetup event. That might be a good way to strengthen connections with old friends in new ways.
posted by iamkimiam at 5:03 PM on June 6, 2010


Hey Joe, I heard you shot your woman down.
posted by puny human at 5:17 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


I still enjoy my Friday beers, but I made a conscious effort stop Posting Under The Influence here at MeFi like 6 or 7 years ago, and it was a good one, I think. Now I just fire up TF2 and join in singalongs at 2f2f when I've had a few instead, which is much more my style.

Good on you for doing it, and being honest about it.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:28 PM on June 6, 2010


If this is about that "you just wasted twelve minutes of your life" thing... yeah that was a bit lame for MetaFilter. But this here MetaTalk post is impressive and more than makes up for it. So I'm just going to cross out that "WTF?" by your name and write in a smilie face if that's all right. It's got a monocle.
posted by fleacircus at 6:50 PM on June 6, 2010


Hey Joe, where you gonna run to now?
posted by Meatbomb at 7:14 PM on June 6, 2010


Good on ya', Joe. Your self-awareness and class are admirable. With any luck they'll also be contagious.
posted by Balonious Assault at 7:18 PM on June 6, 2010


Aw, man, you don't have to apologize. You're good people, and we all know that. You just take care of your wonderful self.
posted by clockzero at 7:30 PM on June 6, 2010


Thanks everyone. I appreciate it.
posted by joe lisboa at 7:35 PM on June 6, 2010


hang in there joe... best to you and don't go away...
posted by HuronBob at 7:54 PM on June 6, 2010


It takes guts to face up to one's weaknesses. Good for you, joe.
posted by nola at 7:54 PM on June 6, 2010


What a buzzkill.

I mean, good luck, from one Joe to another.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 8:07 PM on June 6, 2010


Good for you joe. Everyone else shut the fuck up.
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:17 PM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Awesome.
posted by fuq at 8:38 PM on June 6, 2010


I am not a Joe, but good luck to you sir. Hang in there.
posted by Kinbote at 8:43 PM on June 6, 2010


You're a good man Joe, the kind I'd want with me in an end of the zombie holocaust type of event, 'cause you can never, ever have too many people between you and the zombie hordes.

Now, if we were on the starship Enterprise and came across a planet of Natalie Portman clones, weeelll, how 'bout you take a load off, while I deal with that problem, 'kay?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:45 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Just take it one day at a time Joe. You'll do great!
posted by jasper411 at 9:05 PM on June 6, 2010


Joe, you have inspired me to do the same. Thank you.
posted by wv kay in ga at 9:47 PM on June 6, 2010


Keep coming back, Joe.
posted by ottereroticist at 10:12 PM on June 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.
posted by DreamerFi at 10:38 PM on June 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


"So set em up Joe, I've got a little story you oughta know"
posted by hortense at 10:53 PM on June 6, 2010


I didn't notice, but well said and good luck.
posted by Infinite Jest at 12:29 AM on June 7, 2010


I stopped drinking alcohol in public because I didn't like how I'd act on it (despite never having more than one or two drinks once a week). It doesn't have to be labled alcoholism for it to impact your life.

It's good to give yourself back the choice. Good luck!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:26 AM on June 7, 2010


Class act.
posted by nthdegx at 3:03 AM on June 7, 2010


Best of all possible luck. That's a heck of a monkey on your back. Don't underestimate it. But you're strong and smart, so I think you'll manage.
posted by kalessin at 4:48 AM on June 7, 2010


I am Joe's online liver.
posted by monocultured at 5:46 AM on June 7, 2010


Each person must decide for themselves how much alcohol they wish to consume, and how comfortable they are with its effects. This is the mark of the mature drinker, or, if they choose not to drink, the mature human. My battles with alcohol have mainly been battles to get bottles of the stuff open, but I have a lot of respect for people who choose to keep those bottles closed.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:38 AM on June 7, 2010 [3 favorites]


Best wishes to you, Joe!
posted by jaruwaan at 8:46 AM on June 7, 2010


I'm glad dirtynumbangelboy is back. I don't always agree with what he says and vice versa I'm sure, but honestly I hate to see anyone* leave, especially if it's because they felt hurt or unwelcome.

Glad to have you back dnab and I look forward to your insights/angry rantings in the future.

I mean, I like St Alia and dnab and they're, like, mortal enemies. Also, even though he annoys me to the core of my being with his Bizarro stance on the T of LGBT, I wouldn't want joeclark to leave either.
posted by Deathalicious at 9:05 AM on June 7, 2010


brings new meaning to the phrase "who's the wanker in the black?"

Nah, I think that getting rid of that nasty c-word derail was a good thing all around.
posted by dunkadunc at 10:16 AM on June 7, 2010


Good luck, Joe. I'm right there with you.
posted by MarshallPoe at 12:12 PM on June 7, 2010


This all has me thinking. I don't like the increasing mindlessness with which I choose to have alcohol "to relax," or for other such nonsense semi-medicinal reasons. I give more thought to grapefruit juice than to alcohol, despite the fact that it's alcohol that's contraindicated for my meds.

That, in combination with thoughts of how much less I'd enjoy certain social events without chemical assistance (see, there was a time I enjoyed them just fine), has led me to a decision.

I am joining in the teetotalling! Six months sounds about right, so 7 December is my goal.

Thanks, joe, and good luck to you.
posted by zennie at 2:09 PM on June 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Good luck, Joe! I don't drink, but I am trying to change some personal habits, so I know this kind of thing can be rough. I wish you the strength of IRON!
posted by ignignokt at 3:08 PM on June 7, 2010


Joe, many people are wishing you luck--given your courage to post this to MeTa, I don't think you need luck. You've got the support of a large community who are ready with a word of encouragement--and as I've experienced, many are also ready with in-person encouragement.

I'll Nth those who've said they noticed no over-the-limit posting, but it is key that you noticed something you didn't like. So, like, 1000 gun salute for your wisdom and guts.
posted by beelzbubba at 3:24 PM on June 7, 2010


My forthcoming post about making comments while under the influence of earl grey tea is gonna blow this fucker out of the water.
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:47 PM on June 7, 2010


Thanks again, everyone, for all of the words of support, public and private. For once in my life I am e-blushing. It is much, much appreciated.
posted by joe lisboa at 6:09 PM on June 7, 2010


I heard some dude named Jed was drawing a comic every day instead of drinking. Maybe you could try that? Bon chance.
posted by fixedgear at 6:26 PM on June 7, 2010


Joe, in your case, I think that whenever you want a drink, you should instead post a witty comment here.

We'd be better for it.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:00 AM on June 8, 2010 [2 favorites]


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