Loss for words

July 13, 2010 9:49 AM

Why do people post comments that consist entirely of a period?

I see this a lot in "serious" threads, like the one about Steinbrenner's passing, and I don't get it. I'm assuming it's some kind of MeFi tradition, but to me it just seems to be a waste of a post. Like they're saying "I'm at a loss for words". That's great; don't actually POST anything then.

posted by MattMangels to Etiquette/Policy at 9:49 AM (393 comments total)

?
posted by gman at 9:50 AM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

~
posted by pyramid termite at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's a MetaFilter tradition that is similar to signing the guestbook at a funeral, or leaving a small stone at a Jewish grave. It's not actually a "waste of a post," because each one does mean something, either individually, or collectively.

You're not the first person to ask this question or object to it, but it's an established tradition, and it's unlikely to go away any time soon.
posted by explosion at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Like they're saying "I'm at a loss for words".

Wow, it actually works.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2010 [9 favorites]

This is in the FAQ.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2010 [28 favorites]

.
posted by Diskeater at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

All of those posts, wasted. You only get so many, and then ... *shudder* well, let's hope it never comes to pass, eh?
posted by adipocere at 9:51 AM on July 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

You need to read the FAQ.

What does a single period in a comment by itself mean?
It's MeFi shorthand for a moment of silence and is usually used in obituary threads.

posted by carsonb at 9:52 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's become a MeFi tradition to provide a "moment of silence", specifically in obit threads, in respect for the person passing (if they deserve it). You can't post an empty comment here, therefore a "." Been explained umpteen times before, but you can't earch for "."
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:53 AM on July 13, 2010

I agree, periods are passé.

☹ is where it's at.

☹
posted by cmonkey at 9:53 AM on July 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

*
posted by jenkinsEar at 9:56 AM on July 13, 2010

"That's great; don't actually POST anything then. " sort of what they did, eh?

this is sort of like saying that those folks that walk up to the casket at a funeral and don't say anything but just have a moment of silence, shouldn't walk up there, 'cuz they had nothing to say.....

We have to do that moment of respect a bit differently here on the internet (at least until ALL of us have web cams).
posted by HuronBob at 9:56 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Aside from the FAQ, there's been a couple dozen other direct and indirect discussions of the history, meaning, and practice of the dot convention. I've added the "dot" tag to this post just for consistency's sake; you can check out the previous posts on this tag results page.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:56 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

CONTEXT DO YOU SPEAK IT
posted by Mister_A at 9:56 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

What bothers me about the Steinbrenner post is that it was posted on the Breaking News that the Yankee Dictator was hospitalized, and Breaking News like that does NOT deserve a MeFi post. HE WASN'T THE FUCKING PRESIDENT, HE JUST OWNED A FUCKING BASEBALL TEAM.

Delete it.

Or as we Whovians like to say "EX-TER-MIN-ATE".
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:56 AM on July 13, 2010

posted by shmegegge at 9:58 AM on July 13, 2010 [12 favorites]

Steinbrenner would be glad to know that he left not one, but two MeTa posts in his wake.
posted by Think_Long at 9:59 AM on July 13, 2010

From now on, if I post a simple exclamation point ("!") it means you are standing on my air hose and please get off before I suffocate.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:00 AM on July 13, 2010 [15 favorites]

oneswellfoop: "Or as we Whovians like to say "EX-TER-MIN-ATE"."

So may I assume when $BELOVEDDOCTORWHOCASTMEMBER dies, I won't be seeing you in the thread?
posted by griphus at 10:00 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

this is sort of like saying that those folks that walk up to the casket at a funeral and don't say anything but just have a moment of silence, shouldn't walk up there, 'cuz they had nothing to say.

Except this isn't a goddamn funeral, it's a website.
posted by MattMangels at 10:01 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

An occasionally funereal website.
posted by Mister_A at 10:03 AM on July 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

Except this isn't a goddamn funeral, it's a website.

Right. The metaphor was, I think, trying to explain the practice here in terms of social conventions you may be familiar with. If you don't like it, that's totally 100% fine, but it's sort of an established thing here [which, yes, many people dislike] for the reasons people are explaining to you.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:03 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Someone's pants are extra grumpy today.
posted by chiababe at 10:03 AM on July 13, 2010 [13 favorites]

This isn't a god damn comment, it's a period.

.
posted by chunking express at 10:04 AM on July 13, 2010

What with the oil spill in the gulf and all, we're conserving pixels.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:04 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

How does it hurt you? Get over it.
posted by amro at 10:04 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

What does a single period in a comment by itself mean?

It's MeFi shorthand for spitting on their grave in obituary threads.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:04 AM on July 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

I know it's fun to hate the Yankees, but Steinbrenner is as culturally important as Harvey Pekar or Sen. Kennedy (who got a breaking news story for his fatal illness, I believe).
posted by muddgirl at 10:05 AM on July 13, 2010

It would be interesting to chart the frequency of these 'what's up with the dots' threads to see if they recur regularly. Seems like there's been quite a gap since the last one.
posted by Skorgu at 10:06 AM on July 13, 2010

By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on. You're doing it all wrong.
posted by amro at 10:06 AM on July 13, 2010

It's been happening for a long time, in every obit thread, and it's not going to go away. This isn't an argument worth having, trust me.
posted by rollbiz at 10:06 AM on July 13, 2010

this isn't a goddamn funeral

This ain't no foooolin' arounnnnnnnnd.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2010 [11 favorites]

It's kind of the opposite of a hamburger.
posted by moviehawk at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Tweefy Castro ?!?
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2010

Don't you hate pants?!
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2010

THAT'S NO GODDAMN MOON IT'S A GODDAMN WEBSITE
posted by Mister_A at 10:07 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

So when does the flaming out start? I feel like we're really on the cusp of something here.
posted by chunking express at 10:08 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

-Sincerely Yours,

Fluffy Knoll
posted by Mister_A at 10:08 AM on July 13, 2010

Except this isn't a goddamn funeral, it's a website.

Well, I'm really sorry that we all invaded your website and inflicted our traditions on you. Oh, wait ...
posted by Bookhouse at 10:08 AM on July 13, 2010 [37 favorites]

Except this isn't a goddamn funeral, it's a website.

We're a community. Metafilter has its own set of user-established traditions that may or may not make sense, even to long term members. Of course, you're free to partake or not.
posted by zarq at 10:08 AM on July 13, 2010

There's a greasemonkey script to not show period comments if you don't like them. I haven't installed it yet but it's here if you want: hide obit comments
posted by shinybaum at 10:09 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on.

This is also known as the "help people get past the security questions on your online bank accounts" game.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:09 AM on July 13, 2010 [33 favorites]

Why, oh why can't people RTMFF?

Noobs. Noobs never change.
posted by entropicamericana at 10:09 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on. You're doing it all wrong.

"Homer 59"? That sounds more like my dystopic scifi film name.
posted by griphus at 10:10 AM on July 13, 2010 [10 favorites]

Fucking periods, how do they work?
posted by Admiral Haddock at 10:11 AM on July 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

Admiral Haddock: "Fucking periods, how do they work"

Well, your father thinks you may be a little young but ... read this.
posted by griphus at 10:13 AM on July 13, 2010 [13 favorites]

Why do people post comments that consist entirely of a period?

5/10 -- to show respect
2/10 -- to confuse newbies
3/10 -- to enrage comment-purists
posted by mazola at 10:13 AM on July 13, 2010

I have some questions that others might also be curious enough to ask frequently, is there a place I should look for them or should I just go ahead and post them on MetaTalk?
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 10:14 AM on July 13, 2010 [9 favorites]

griphus, at least you're not "Snoopy Lynmont."
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:15 AM on July 13, 2010

I just found out that IANAL is an acronym, not a declarative sentence. So I really don't see the point in going to any meet-ups now, is the thing.
posted by Mister_A at 10:16 AM on July 13, 2010 [11 favorites]

amro: "By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on. You're doing it all wrong"

Ramses Napoleon?
I'm not THAT big.
posted by charred husk at 10:16 AM on July 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

We put this for those who have been cryogenically preserved:

,
posted by everichon at 10:16 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Actually it's an initialism, not an acronym, but you take my meaning. It's not about butt sex at all!
posted by Mister_A at 10:17 AM on July 13, 2010

If you're worried about wasted posts, this seems like a bad way to go about it.
posted by ODiV at 10:18 AM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Does anyone else pronounce "FAQ" as fack? If you say it in a particularly virulent way (like, "Read the goddamn fack!") it sounds like coughing up a hairball, I think.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:18 AM on July 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

griphus, at least you're not "Snoopy Lynmont."

I'm Snoopy Route 38! Maybe we're related.
posted by amro at 10:19 AM on July 13, 2010

Oops wasted a post.
posted by everichon at 10:19 AM on July 13, 2010

Shit! Slippery devils. Must reseal postbag.
posted by everichon at 10:19 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Trixie McNeil: Lady reporter by day, high-priced, uptown call girl by night.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:20 AM on July 13, 2010

Sometimes people forget to add a period at the end of comments. We save them all and stash them on obituary threads to keep the punctuation balance.
posted by qvantamon at 10:22 AM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Trixie McNeil: Lady reporter by day, high-priced, uptown call girl by night.

The ladies call me Ruby Cherry... Awwww yeahhhh...
posted by rollbiz at 10:24 AM on July 13, 2010

you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on.

Suzy Highway 360?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:24 AM on July 13, 2010

So may I assume when $BELOVEDDOCTORWHOCASTMEMBER dies, I won't be seeing you in the thread?

If somebody starts a TOM BAKER IS IN THE HOSPITAL thread, I expect it to be deleted before we know if he's dead or alive. I don't want to waste my opinion about anybody on a "not yet an obit thread".
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:25 AM on July 13, 2010

I would be Lee Hortensia, which just sounds like a really old-timey porn star.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 10:27 AM on July 13, 2010

and I'm Farnsworth Overland.

(he was a bassett hound and my parents and I thought he deserved a distinguished name)
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:28 AM on July 13, 2010

Well, the half-dozen comments turned it into an obit thread. Is your suggestion for the "in hospital" thread to be deleted and replaced by an obit thread containing the exact same information with a "he died" link added on?
posted by griphus at 10:28 AM on July 13, 2010

Does anyone else pronounce "FAQ" as fack?

Is there another way to pronounce it?
posted by jacquilynne at 10:28 AM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Oh wait, it's supposed to be pet name. So it's Panchi Hortensia...even worse. I don't think porning around is in my future.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 10:29 AM on July 13, 2010

One of the words in this twelve word sentence is PTERODACTYL extraneous.
posted by ob at 10:29 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Is there another way to pronounce it?

Eff Ay Cue
posted by amro at 10:37 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

What goes well with cilantro and gin?
posted by Mister_A at 10:37 AM on July 13, 2010

Does anyone else pronounce "FAQ" as fack?

I've always pronounced it "fuck you". Really.

you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on.

Corky Bruce. Wow.
posted by dirtdirt at 10:38 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

> "Except this isn't a goddamn funeral, it's a website."

You sir, are a rude person. If you can't grok the basic culture of a website, you don't get to bitch about it.
posted by saturnine at 10:38 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

No shit guys: Our dog's name was Matt and we lived on Mangels Way.

Except this isn't a goddamn fact, it's A JOKE.
posted by The Straightener at 10:39 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Chico Jackson

I think I'm a member of the A Team. Or a 70's baseball has-been, Reggie's cousin whose love of weed and booze mostly relegated him to the minors.
posted by readery at 10:39 AM on July 13, 2010

cortex: "By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on.

This is also known as the "help people get past the security questions on your online bank accounts" game"

My parents made my middle name Rico for where I was conceived if that counts for something... The rum was flowing on that vacation to Puerto Rico!!!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:40 AM on July 13, 2010

One of the words in this twelve word sentence is PTERODACTYL extraneous.
One of the words in this twelve word sentence is PTERODACTYL extraneous.
One of the words in this twelve word sentence is PTERODACTYL extraneous.

I'm going to be at this all day.
posted by Lemurrhea at 10:40 AM on July 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

Does anyone else pronounce "FAQ" as fack?

That's how I've always pronounced it but one time I heard a vendor pronounce You-Are-El as "Earl" and ever since then I've doubted everything I've ever known.
posted by bondcliff at 10:40 AM on July 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

Gabriel Eagle Village Road here, which sounds more jesusy than porny.
posted by jenkinsEar at 10:41 AM on July 13, 2010

"Tigger Loyola" just doesn't work for any occupation at all, does it?
posted by Johnny Assay at 10:42 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

One of the words in this twelve word sentence is false.


Happy Prince George
posted by nickmark at 10:43 AM on July 13, 2010

By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on.

Great. "Julie Dirt Road." I don't think I like where this is going.
posted by Skot at 10:43 AM on July 13, 2010 [8 favorites]

This reminds me of back in the Usenet days when obit threads often had people posting empty replies as a "moment of silence". There were similar debates about how meaningful, etc those were.
posted by kmz at 10:44 AM on July 13, 2010

My porn star name is "Dinah Cedar"????
posted by Crabby Appleton at 10:46 AM on July 13, 2010

Tay Constitution.

I guess it's a porn star name, for Scottish terriers who are also strict constructionists.
posted by scody at 10:46 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

.
posted by ericb at 10:47 AM on July 13, 2010

Tay Constitution.

I guess it's a porn star name, for Scottish terriers who are also strict constructionists.

I was thinking legal-themed professional wrestler.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 10:48 AM on July 13, 2010

Boxy Colin

That's disturbing.
posted by zarq at 10:48 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

What goes well with cilantro and gin?

A right proper flameout.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:48 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seriously, though, mine is Ginger Evans.

Derty.
posted by The Straightener at 10:49 AM on July 13, 2010

Also: Einstein Taipingzhuang. From the Cowboy Bebop/Firefly crossover that never was.
posted by kmz at 10:49 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Take your pick:

Lucky LaBurnam

or

Suma Troon

or

Kitty Cadillac
posted by slogger at 10:50 AM on July 13, 2010

MetaFilter: Except this isn't a goddamn funeral, it's a website.
posted by ericb at 10:50 AM on July 13, 2010

Pinky M'Fingal.
posted by ericb at 10:51 AM on July 13, 2010

posted by slogger at 10:52 AM on July 13, 2010

http://mssv.net/wiki/index.php/The_Period
posted by yeti at 10:53 AM on July 13, 2010

Dinker Frontage
posted by applemeat at 10:53 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Beethoven Curling.

I'm picturing a government lab, containing the frozen corpses of our world's most famous artisans, and I break in to throw their body parts around in the freezer-room.

Great game, bad name.
posted by Lemurrhea at 10:53 AM on July 13, 2010

My porn star name is Fluffy Evergreen, who I can only imagine was the muppet who introduced Oscar the Grouch to methamphetamine.
posted by bondcliff at 10:54 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Smudge Walnut.

possibly Punk Walnut, though. or Missy Walnut.
posted by shmegegge at 10:56 AM on July 13, 2010

Hero Kingsbury at your service.

My brother's porn name is Taco Fritz, who we have decided does the scenes that no one else wants to do.
posted by Bookhouse at 10:58 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Botticelli Mohawk.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:58 AM on July 13, 2010 [6 favorites]

So, not related to Alby then?
posted by unliteral at 11:00 AM on July 13, 2010

Baron Von Hugecock
posted by ODiV at 11:01 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

My porn star name: Hershey Parkwood, which implies so many things that never needed to be implied.
posted by good day merlock at 11:01 AM on July 13, 2010 [12 favorites]

Tigger Loyola

Furry porn set in a Jesuit seminary?

Heh heh. "Seminary." Heh heh.
posted by twirlip at 11:02 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fluffy Knoll

Seems more like a porn title than a name. Produced by Oliver Bone. Starring Rusty Chesterfield as "The President" and Porsche LaDee as "Jackie O." With special appearances by Rock Bunyon as "Hard Lee Oswalt," and introducing Pixie Munch as the fantasy fluffer that drove him to....
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 11:03 AM on July 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

Pepper Plymouth, which I choose to invest with a cool/wild Angie Dickinson kind of retro vibe...
posted by OneMonkeysUncle at 11:07 AM on July 13, 2010

By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on.

Taffy 8th.

I think I'll stick with Buck Naked, thanks.
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:09 AM on July 13, 2010

My SarcMark™ button is broken.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:10 AM on July 13, 2010

⁂
posted by boo_radley at 11:13 AM on July 13, 2010

Snoopy Houghtailing.
posted by rtha at 11:14 AM on July 13, 2010

I fucking hate mimes.
posted by haveanicesummer at 11:14 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

This is also known as the "help people get past the security questions on your online bank accounts" game.

That's why I prefer the "What's you asteroid?" game: Mothers maiden name + first six digits of your social security number.
posted by yeti at 11:14 AM on July 13, 2010 [29 favorites]

Thunder Graves.

She was Tura Satana's boob wrangler/cleavage stylist on the set of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! but that's as close as she got to legit film.
posted by dogrose at 11:14 AM on July 13, 2010

Buck Naked!
posted by ericb at 11:15 AM on July 13, 2010

So sad, ya'll have been reduced to porn star recipes.
posted by new brand day at 11:15 AM on July 13, 2010

I'm miming hate-fucks.
posted by griphus at 11:15 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Okay people here's how it works.

Porn Star Name = Pet's Name + Street You Grew Up on

Soap Star Name = Middle Name + Street

That's the way it works.

I don't care what your traditions are. *

Amusingly, Dusty Scott is a real gay porn star, and Phillip Scott is the name of a guy I once... um.... starred in a soap opera with.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:18 AM on July 13, 2010

Porn Star Name = Pet's Name + Street You Grew Up on

What if you moved around a lot?
posted by new brand day at 11:22 AM on July 13, 2010

That's why I prefer the "What's you asteroid?" game: Mothers maiden name + first six digits of your social security number.

Packard 522187

Huh? I don't get it...
posted by slogger at 11:22 AM on July 13, 2010

Oh wait. I wasn't really supposed to post that here?

Please hope me!
posted by slogger at 11:22 AM on July 13, 2010

This is a true fact. My porn star name would be Champ Klump. How fucking sad is that? Afroblanco might hate memes, but can he hate them as much as I am saddened by the knowledge borne of this meme? Champ Klump.
posted by cgc373 at 11:22 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Whale" Kenilworth.
posted by Iridic at 11:23 AM on July 13, 2010

I blame Wittgenstein.
posted by Abiezer at 11:24 AM on July 13, 2010

If it's any consolation, cgc373, Champ Klump would be a pretty good name for a butt plug.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:25 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

....FatBun Central Park West.

I predict glorious success.
posted by elizardbits at 11:26 AM on July 13, 2010

By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on

Tad Selfridge.

I can see why THAT career never went anywhere for me. Good thing I kept the day job.
posted by marxchivist at 11:28 AM on July 13, 2010

....FatBun Central Park West.

Coulda been FatBun West End... :)
posted by zarq at 11:28 AM on July 13, 2010

Sorry everyone. I guess I was a little cranky.
posted by MattMangels at 11:30 AM on July 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

I grew up on Raging Hardon Parkway, but my parents wouldn't let me have a pet.
posted by anazgnos at 11:35 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Hippolyta Houghtonville Cemetery Rd.

I guess it's clear why I'm not a porn star.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:37 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

By the way, you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on

I always loved this game because my porn star name ends up being frickin' awesome: Tiger Kensington (though I guess really that sounds more like the main character in a Jackie Collins book).
posted by Go Banana at 11:37 AM on July 13, 2010

Smokey Owensmouth. Pretty fancy...
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 11:38 AM on July 13, 2010

Rose Hollywood. Great name but going to be a little awkward when I meet my costars for the first time.
posted by penduluum at 11:39 AM on July 13, 2010

Let me just also say that I like how this thread's main topic has now become porn star names. You guys are alright.

(And for the people calling me a "noob"? Why don't you go ahead and check the join date on my profile?)
posted by MattMangels at 11:40 AM on July 13, 2010

Hold on a sec, you mean to tell me that you all use the "." to denote a moment of silence? Shit. that explains a lot of confusion I've had over the years, because mine are actually sophisticated microdots which, when enlarged, will reveal a lengthy essay describing my feelings for the departed; including accolades, metaphors about this mortal coil, and gothic-poetry I write by candlelight whilst wearing mascara and fingerless lace gloves.

And all this time I could have just been pressing the >. key? hell, this is going to save me a ton of time in the future.
posted by quin at 11:42 AM on July 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

A n00b is anyone with a user number higher than 83700.

Sorry man. You're OH SO CLOSE though!
posted by yeti at 11:44 AM on July 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

▶◀

(if you ever need to express your condolences on a korean-language site)
posted by needled at 11:44 AM on July 13, 2010

Plato Montana hopes your day will improve and give you fewer reasons to grump.
posted by acanthous at 11:45 AM on July 13, 2010

I always loved this game because my porn star name ends up being frickin' awesome

Me too: "Ginger" Waimea. I'm exotic and a redhead, I think!
posted by gladly at 11:45 AM on July 13, 2010

> I know it's fun to hate the Yankees

It's not fun to hate the Yankees. It's a moral obligation to hate the Yankees.
posted by languagehat at 11:45 AM on July 13, 2010 [26 favorites]

oneswellfoop: "What bothers me about the Steinbrenner post is that it was posted on the Breaking News that the Yankee Dictator was hospitalized, and Breaking News like that does NOT deserve a MeFi post. HE WASN'T THE FUCKING PRESIDENT, HE JUST OWNED A FUCKING BASEBALL TEAM."

A list of things that are as important as the death of the president, according to oneswellfoop:
• Larry King's retirement
• A new webcomic by Jon Rosenberg
• Trying to figure out the most attractive member of congress
• A page with a whole bunch of sounds on it
• Elvis Presley failing to live to the age of 75
• The word "unfriend"

Seriously, if you're going to write in all caps about your outrage about something on the front page, at least have ever posted anything noteworthy.
posted by Plutor at 11:46 AM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

And for the people calling me a "noob"? Why don't you go ahead and check the join date on my profile?

Calling you a noob is kind of annoying, but there's also the argument as far as that goes that newbfulness is more a state of being than a strict chronological metric and so folk surprised by first the post and second your kind of cranky response to the response to it are more reacting to your approach to a literally frequently asked question than to the date in your profile, I think.

In any case, thanks for copping to the crankiness, it's all good. Porn star names all around.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:46 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Let me just also say that I like how this thread's main topic has now become porn star names

I'm still going with Xavier Justice.
posted by quin at 11:47 AM on July 13, 2010

Archie Westdale.

Meh.
posted by maqsarian at 11:47 AM on July 13, 2010

Sorry, that s a list of things as important as the president "suffering a massive heart attack" and being "rushed to the hospital". And it's obviously not exhaustive.
posted by Plutor at 11:48 AM on July 13, 2010

▶◀

A bow tie?
posted by zarq at 11:48 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was sure mine was Bruno Güiraldes, which is a pretty good exotic porn actor name.

But I just remembered I lived on another street before that, which would make me Bruno Niños Heroes, which Wikipedia tells me can be Bruno Boy Heroes or Bruno Heroic Cadets or finally Bruno Boy Soldiers.

I don't want to watch any of my movies any more.
posted by dirty lies at 11:50 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Pokey Winchester, babY!
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 11:50 AM on July 13, 2010

I'd be Skipper Sagebrush.
posted by scottymac at 11:50 AM on July 13, 2010

(And for the people calling me a "noob"? Why don't you go ahead and check the join date on my profile?)

See now, that just makes it impossible not to respond with, "Then you should know better." Impossible. Sorry.
posted by amro at 11:50 AM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

If you've never had a pet, how do you work out your porn star name?
posted by ob at 11:51 AM on July 13, 2010

Nikki Coggeshall.
Not a sexy name.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:52 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Noob is a state of mind. (And/or a higher user number than me.)

Would you believe my porn name is Ron Jeremy?
posted by entropicamericana at 11:53 AM on July 13, 2010

See now, that just makes it impossible not to respond with, "Then you should know better." Impossible. Sorry.

Surely there must be friendlier ways to phrase that.
posted by zarq at 11:53 AM on July 13, 2010

Mine is Princess. Princess Jackson if you're nasty.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:54 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Smudge Walnut.

This brings to mind a short bald guy with a hairy chest and a copstache. The kind of late 70s porn actor who was usually cast in scenes where something's going on at the hot tub, and he's over at the bar, sipping from a whiskey glass. He notices what's going on at the tub, grins, and comes sauntering up, unbuttoning his shirt and saying, "Room for one more?" with an arched eyebrow.

Snuður Klapparstigur.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:55 AM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hey buddy, you should know better pal, bless your heart.
posted by dirty lies at 11:56 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sorry everyone. I guess I was a little cranky.

Wait, this wasn't about our stripper names? Oh right, the period thing. Don't worry, MetaTalk is an easily distracted bunch.

Carmel Lomita. Hmm, perhaps I do have a future in drag.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:57 AM on July 13, 2010

While mine, Smokey Pepper, is ideal for working in food fetish flicks, my mom's is easily the best worst porn name EVER: Myrtle Griswald.
posted by ApathyGirl at 11:58 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Snuður

Snoo...
Snow...
Snowoor
Snoowoaher
Snooper
Snoopy
posted by zarq at 11:59 AM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

As a final comment, all I ask is please, if you do post a "." just make it that and nothing more. I hate scrolling down through a load of line breaks just to see a "." To me, that seems like standing at a funeral casket, I mean just standing there for 10 bloody minutes while there's a line of people behind you waiting to pay their respects, too.

I don't know if that made any sense. Suffice to say, little things annoy me
posted by MattMangels at 11:59 AM on July 13, 2010

I want to complain about obitfilter, shitting in sports threads, and single link posts all at once. Do I use this thread, or the thread below it? Also, these shoes are too tight, fruit doesn't taste as good as it did when we were kids, and hey, you! Get off of my lawn! Darn kids!
posted by .kobayashi. at 11:59 AM on July 13, 2010

Also, the typeface in this thread is totally played out.
posted by .kobayashi. at 12:00 PM on July 13, 2010

.kobayashi.: "Also, the typeface in this thread is totally played out"

Then you'll love my new Greasemonkey script. It randomly makes every letter either bold Papyrus or underlined Comic Sans.
posted by griphus at 12:01 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Sossity Turgeon

an anagram for which is

Snoutiest Gyros

which is

A porn I would like

.
posted by Beardman at 12:01 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Rusty Enos.

Awesome.
posted by generichuman at 12:04 PM on July 13, 2010

Surely there must be friendlier ways to phrase that.

Perhaps, but I didn't think the way I phrased it was particularly unfriendly. You have to hear me saying it in your head in a jovial tone.
posted by amro at 12:05 PM on July 13, 2010

Archie Westdale.

Meh.

There's nothing "meh" about Archie Westdale. You're a distinguished gent in a tux, which happens to be attached with little silver snaps for a quick exit from your garments, and none of that tacky velcro sound some of the more crass fellows might use. Plus, the scratchy side of velcro is not a turn-on for most folks.

Snuður

Snoo...
Snow...
Snowoor
Snoowoaher
Snooper
Snoopy

Wikipedia tells me that "ð" is "Eth. Snuthur is a pretty fantastic pet name.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:06 PM on July 13, 2010

Blackie Joe River never leaves a dot or emoticons.
posted by pracowity at 12:07 PM on July 13, 2010

Donald Duck Euclid...

Yes we had a cat named Donald Duck. BUT: it wasn't named after Donald Duck the Looney Toons character. Rather, it was named after Donald and Duck, two train engines on Shining Time Station (with Ringo Starr!).
posted by notswedish at 12:07 PM on July 13, 2010

I always win at the porn name game: Foxy Diamond.
posted by deborah at 12:09 PM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

It's at times like this that I wish I were a better artist. My head is full of clothed cartoon pornstars, based on the various names in this thread. I wish to share these amusing notions, and all I have are words. For instance, Nikki Coggeshall - Nikki Cogs for short, steampunk mistress with a formal attire that hides her "cogged-out" undergarments. Pokey Winchester is a western character, gender yet undefined, but a youthful person with a lot of spunk.

Erm, I'll stop now. Because my words are leading me astray.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:10 PM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Brandy Bergen. Candice's half sister that never made it past the casting couch.
posted by Splunge at 12:13 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

a youthful person with a lot of spunk

Ah yes, the hallmark of a good porn star.
posted by elizardbits at 12:13 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

As a final comment, all I ask is please, if you do post a "." just make it that and nothing more. I hate scrolling down through a load of line breaks just to see a "."

Did you notice the Greasemonkey script posted upthread that gets rid of them for you? There, problem solved. Back to porn names.

From my previous address: Sydney Calvert.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:13 PM on July 13, 2010

Extra line breaks before nullish content is annoying? Really?
                  
I mean, really?
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 12:18 PM on July 13, 2010

This question comes up enough that it suggests MeFi could do a better job communicating this. Perhaps if FPP posts with the 'obit' tag had a sidebar on the [more inside] page with the dot FAQ item it would make more sense. Obviously the Steinbrenner didn't have it, but it's at least an attempt at just in time user clue-ification.
posted by pwnguin at 12:22 PM on July 13, 2010

Yes we had a cat named Donald Duck. BUT: it wasn't named after Donald Duck the Looney Toons character.

Man, if you said your cat was named after the bass player from the Blues Brothers you would have been my new hero. But, alas, you blew it.
posted by bondcliff at 12:22 PM on July 13, 2010

Uncle Tommy Rosewood. I named all my goldfish after people I knew.
posted by nestor_makhno at 12:23 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Mine is Cinnamon Penrod. Seriously.
posted by umbú at 12:27 PM on July 13, 2010

OMG! I love my porn name. It is bizarre and hilarious:

Stereo Bridge


Mostly because it MAKES NO SENSE. WHY did we name our first cat Stereo? WTF?
posted by two lights above the sea at 12:28 PM on July 13, 2010

Jonathan Treadwell.

●████▅▅▄▄▄▄▄▄ ...Metafilter: this isn't a goddamn funeral, it's a website.
▅███ DOT. ██▅▄▄▃▂
████████████████►
◥☼▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲☼◤
posted by killdevil at 12:30 PM on July 13, 2010 [29 favorites]

Either Tickles Route 9 or Pariah Field, depending on how you define "first." I don't think I have much of a career in porn...
posted by gingerbeer at 12:35 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Dusty Rocky Ridge
posted by archivist at 12:40 PM on July 13, 2010

I feel obligated to point out that Donald Duck wasn't a Looney Toons character.

And I demand that you shoot me now.
posted by entropicamericana at 12:41 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Mine is Mama Rural Route One. Rock.
posted by questionsandanchors at 12:42 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

My cubemate is claiming Sox Bunker. I'm dubious.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 12:43 PM on July 13, 2010

Pussy 84!

I'm not just a porn star, I'm an entire fucking movie.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:43 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

So now we're to stop using the period in obit threads, right? Is that what we've decided?
posted by cjorgensen at 12:43 PM on July 13, 2010

Yes, now just post your porn name to indicate respect.
posted by nickmark at 12:48 PM on July 13, 2010 [21 favorites]

So now we're to stop using the period in obit threads, right? Is that what we've decided?

Right, instead we're going to speculate on what the deceased's porn name was.

Unless the deceased was Ron Jeremy, in which case, we're going to run away from the thread screaming.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:49 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Dusty Ryan. Hopefully this joker doesn't have a trademark.
posted by supercres at 12:57 PM on July 13, 2010

Suffice to say, little things annoy me

I think you need to get angry every time we have a death post. Maybe you could hold your breath. That'll show us.
posted by scalefree at 1:02 PM on July 13, 2010

Why does .kobayashi. have a period both before and after his name? Isn't it demeaning someone's life to mourn two people at once? And if they're not mourning periods, why is he confusing us?

I have to talk about periods because the porn name thing doesn't work for me, because my first street was in Tokyo and didn't have a name, and my first pet was Blackie, and, well, that doesn't go anywhere good.
posted by languagehat at 1:04 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Suffice to say, little things annoy me

Noted.

I had two pets and lived on a road that was both named and numbered, so I'm either:

Gandalf San Marcos

or

Tabby Branch Strugglebones Idgiebidgie Kurchieburchie Highway 154

I think I'll go with the latter. It's got a real ring to it, don't you think?
posted by dersins at 1:04 PM on July 13, 2010

Jerry Central.

My porn name sucks.



























.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:05 PM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Menstruation, amirite?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:06 PM on July 13, 2010

Salty Parker Lane...

not sure if that's a cool porn name or not.

I never knew about the "." tradition. Then again, I'm primarily on Askme and Metatalk...
posted by patheral at 1:07 PM on July 13, 2010

Aw shucks is twiddling that scroll wheel/ tapping the Page Down button getting you all up in a tizzy? Boo hoo hoo. Poor widdle MeFite.

Yes, now just post your porn name to indicate respect.

That's actually a great idea. I'm "Orel Spankalot".
posted by WalterMitty at 1:10 PM on July 13, 2010

What's everybody having for dinner?
posted by fixedgear at 1:16 PM on July 13, 2010

See i love how this thread went from cranky period pants (NOT a good porn name) to porn names.

Its like we all are …oh look shiny stuff.

signed, Stinky Warwickshire (equally bad porn name)
posted by ShawnString at 1:19 PM on July 13, 2010

ProTip: If you're feeling cranky, or contrary, or you just plain didn't like the deceased, it's helpful to imagine the dots as vulture droppings rather than moments of silence.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:20 PM on July 13, 2010

If you've never had a pet, how do you work out your porn star name?

The rule then is you use the name of a favorite plant. For instance, I'm Geranium Landfill Access Road #7 North!

My childhood was terrible.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:23 PM on July 13, 2010 [14 favorites]

(And for the people calling me a "noob"? Why don't you go ahead and check the join date on my profile?)

Dear slow learner, sock it to them.
posted by biffa at 1:24 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

☃
posted by cj_ at 1:28 PM on July 13, 2010

Dinker Frontage

I hardly know her! YOU dinker frontage.
posted by Sallyfur at 1:32 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

> Why does .kobayashi. have a period both before and after his name? Isn't it demeaning someone's life to mourn two people at once?

The first period mourns my childhood pet, and those we've lost from the first street on which I lived. The second period is a typo.
posted by .kobayashi. at 1:35 PM on July 13, 2010 [11 favorites]

What's everybody having for dinner?

Exactly one pea
posted by MattMangels at 1:36 PM on July 13, 2010 [14 favorites]

Pepperhead Curundu.

Ooh, I like it. Makes me want to go out and get a stripper pole.
posted by marsha56 at 1:37 PM on July 13, 2010

At least he asked here instead of being rude and asking right in the obituary like some people.
posted by Deathalicious at 1:48 PM on July 13, 2010

Suzie Mount.
posted by idiomatika at 1:49 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh! I could also be Panda Sandy Bay... But I think Fluffy Knoll is cuter.
posted by Mister_A at 1:58 PM on July 13, 2010

Copper Coronation.

Cock rings figure prominently in my œuvre.
posted by lapsangsouchong at 2:01 PM on July 13, 2010

We have to use all the posts up as quickly as possible so we can GET OUT OF HERE.

signed,

Bluegrass Johnson... or, flash forward a few years, Chewbacca Chaparral, or a few more years, Sadie Pioneer(gender bending, time-transcending!), but currently known as Baxter Brookview
posted by owtytrof at 2:05 PM on July 13, 2010

Someone said cockrings?

I have a switchboard that lights up, what?
posted by The Whelk at 2:14 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

My porn star name is Arnold Mount Auburn.

Cool, huh?
posted by fourcheesemac at 2:14 PM on July 13, 2010

Also:

Sam Birchwood.

WASPY-IST Porn name ever.
posted by The Whelk at 2:14 PM on July 13, 2010

Archie Lookout

My pornos are directed by Quentin Tarantino.
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:19 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Hoover Williams. Pretty sure he starred with the aforementioned Foxy Diamond at some point.
posted by jtron at 2:20 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Archie Lookout

My pornos are directed by Quentin Tarantino.

And his sexy revamp of Riverdale Nights
posted by The Whelk at 2:21 PM on July 13, 2010

Baron von Floppy Ears Harris?
posted by drjimmy11 at 2:22 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fishy Bugle, which sounds like an act rather than a person. There's probably a reverse Fishy Bugle too.
posted by punilux at 2:24 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Foxy Edinger
posted by zombiehoohaa at 2:28 PM on July 13, 2010

Emerald Ngaio Gorge. Just doesn't work, on any level :(
posted by Infinite Jest at 2:39 PM on July 13, 2010

Sys Rq: Menstruation, amirite?

That's your porn name?

Mine is Bucky Aster. Which is more soap-y than porn-y, and also would work better if I were a man.
posted by stennieville at 2:40 PM on July 13, 2010

Emerald Gorge works OK, actually...
posted by Mister_A at 2:42 PM on July 13, 2010

Hi, I'm Missy Starwashed. You might remember my bit part in the film Boogie Nights.

If it's any consolation, cgc373, Champ Klump would be a pretty good name for a butt plug.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:25 AM on July 13 [+] [!]

And an excellent name for the protagonist in an E. Annie Proulx short story.
posted by mudpuppie at 2:49 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

And an excellent name for the protagonist in an E. Annie Proulx short story.

I really loved Accordion Crimes, but the names she's come up with have always bugged me. Distracts the hell out of me to read some story of a man coming to terms with his middle age in a small town, and his name is Arnie Snowblower or something.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:55 PM on July 13, 2010

Rebel Maple. I wouldn't see a movie I was in!
posted by bearwife at 2:57 PM on July 13, 2010

I really loved Accordion Crimes, but the names she's come up with have always bugged me.

She's probably trying to get back at the universe for sticking her with Proulx. I can only imagine the conversations at the DMV.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:06 PM on July 13, 2010

Dee Dee Tenino

or

Mister Tenino
posted by angrycat at 3:10 PM on July 13, 2010

Meow Adams. Cuts glass, doesn't it? Anyway, I've finished my tour of duty and I'm ready to resume my acting career.
posted by longsleeves at 3:22 PM on July 13, 2010

Goldie Arizona. This is also the name I write on my booze cups at barbecues.
posted by padraigin at 3:26 PM on July 13, 2010

My porn name is Thumper Blueberry, which I think is awesome and obviously wins.
posted by frobozz at 3:26 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Big Cat" Curry

we didn't really see them as pets
posted by rollick at 3:29 PM on July 13, 2010

Lucky Andrews, which sounds more like a trashy novel heroine than a porn star.

Years ago, I could have changed the name to Buck Checkpoint. Hmm. Maybe your first pet/street as an adult is your weatherman name.
posted by contrariwise at 3:31 PM on July 13, 2010

OMG. My husband's porn star name is Max Longwood.

This is possibly the best thing ever.
posted by beandip at 3:35 PM on July 13, 2010 [11 favorites]

my porn name is apollo magnolia

i lose
posted by pyramid termite at 3:36 PM on July 13, 2010

My problem is that our family has always had too much fun with pet names. The early chronology is a little obscure, but my porn name is either Little White Cat Irvine, Tom Slapjack Irvine, or Kwiki-Wow-Chow Irvine. I could go with my current pet, but that's Ishkabibble Irvine, so I think I'm just gonna give up on show business and go into dry goods.
posted by darksasami at 3:37 PM on July 13, 2010

you make your porn star name by combining your first pet's name and the first street you lived on.

"Headlight Buckingham" ...This isn't working.
posted by misozaki at 3:41 PM on July 13, 2010

My porn name is Magic Johnson.

My real name is Magic Johnson.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 3:45 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Rasputin Washington here, looking forward to a career in '70s sexploitation films.
posted by nenequesadilla at 3:48 PM on July 13, 2010

Tajah Nadina
posted by cj_ at 4:08 PM on July 13, 2010

Rebel Mechanic here, why don't you let me take a look under your hood.
posted by Sailormom at 4:09 PM on July 13, 2010

Hojammit 72: that's some sexy right there.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 4:11 PM on July 13, 2010

Sandy Gorst. That sounds more like an affliction than a name.

Or Hadassah Tulia.

Or Missy Pecan.
posted by From the Fortress at 4:26 PM on July 13, 2010

This is a true fact
As opposed to a false fact?

Henry Tramway here. Appropriately boring, although regular as clockwork.
posted by dg at 4:30 PM on July 13, 2010

I've got claim to

Spring Arran
Snapper Arran
and my favorite, Sugar Nevada

I think I'm going to stick with being a knitting teacher.
posted by bilabial at 4:38 PM on July 13, 2010

deborah: "I always win at the porn name game: Foxy Diamond"

That's just because you've never met me in battle: Bingo Sooner.
posted by team lowkey at 4:42 PM on July 13, 2010

Lucy Tuckawanna.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:43 PM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh, and I almost forgot, I had a question, too:

How is perriod formed?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:43 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Mac Turner Boulevard which is ok for a cocker spaniel, a bit less ok for me.
posted by Cranberry at 4:54 PM on July 13, 2010

If stuffed animals count, I could be Pinky Turner Boulevard
posted by Cranberry at 4:55 PM on July 13, 2010

Stubby Woodland!
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:10 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

adipocere: "All of those posts, wasted. You only get so many, and then ... *shudder* well, let's hope it never comes to pass, eh?"

Bah. Just more "Peak Comment" scaremongering.

Signed,
Spot Pelican
posted by brundlefly at 5:11 PM on July 13, 2010

Tweety Skyline.

My soap opera name is much better: Renee Angeleno.

My favorite name meme is still the NPR announcer name one: insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in. I'm Natalire del Rio.
posted by Nattie at 5:26 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

...starring Bulldog Meridian in "Sit Up and Beg", the popular sequel to "Roll Over Rover". His credits also include the well reviewed but less commercially successful niche film "Play Dead".*

*No longer available in the US or Canada.
posted by vapidave at 5:28 PM on July 13, 2010

My favorite name meme is still the NPR announcer name one: insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in.

Soneja Holland.

Sounds about right. This has been Soneja Holland talking to you earnestly about things that actually don't matter a bit.

(I know, I know, but it sounds so much better than "Soneja The Netherlands.")
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:35 PM on July 13, 2010

Nattie: "My favorite name meme is still the NPR announcer name one: insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in. I'm Natalire del Rio."

Awesome. I'm Shanneon Vatican.
posted by brundlefly at 5:35 PM on July 13, 2010

John N. Holland.

That sounds like I make furniture.
posted by The Whelk at 5:37 PM on July 13, 2010

No, no, you're doing it wrong. It's Johnn Holland. Or Jonhn Holland. That last one sounds very NPR.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:40 PM on July 13, 2010

insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in.

This doesn't work for me, either, because I don't have a middle name. Boo. But my last name would also be Vatican.
posted by misozaki at 5:42 PM on July 13, 2010

My last name would be Nebraska.
posted by cjorgensen at 5:46 PM on July 13, 2010

Armanda Bermuda. OR Ramanda Bermuda. Or Amandar Bermuda! The possibilities are endless.
posted by amro at 5:48 PM on July 13, 2010

insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in.

I think it's smallest town you've been in? (But don't quote me, Sarla Te Awamutu, on that score.)
posted by scody at 5:49 PM on July 13, 2010

Dmark Singapore.
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 5:49 PM on July 13, 2010

"My favorite name meme is still the NPR announcer name one: insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in. I'm Natalire del Rio."

I am not familiar with this country you call "del Rio." What group do they qualify from?
posted by dersins at 5:53 PM on July 13, 2010

insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in.

Smallest foreign town, not country, says D'Jordan Namur.
posted by Bookhouse at 5:57 PM on July 13, 2010

Astro Yorktown. Ick.

Also, is it bad that I had to Google Maps my street to make sure I had it right--and I didn't?
posted by Night_owl at 6:00 PM on July 13, 2010

Ryman San Luis.
posted by drjimmy11 at 6:01 PM on July 13, 2010

Or Knara Usa. (pronounced cuhNAHrah OOsah
posted by Night_owl at 6:03 PM on July 13, 2010

I always thought they were agility orbs, so I used to touch my mouse pointer to every single one. I was hoping to improve my running speed and jumping height.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:13 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I've never been to a foreign country -- boo.
posted by patheral at 6:19 PM on July 13, 2010

Beowulf Willow.
I just don't know.
Jaames Holland.
That could work maybe. Lots of "Holland"s here, yeah.
posted by zoinks at 6:22 PM on July 13, 2010

That could work maybe. Lots of "Holland"s here, yeah.

None of you people ever passed through Luxembourg on the train? That counts.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:31 PM on July 13, 2010

I've only been to the United States and Canada, and I go by my middle name anyway; My NPR name sucks.
posted by maqsarian at 6:32 PM on July 13, 2010

argh semicolon what are you doing there you BASTARD
posted by maqsarian at 6:33 PM on July 13, 2010

insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name

That is precisely how I changed the spelling of my first name, exactly 39 years ago.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:33 PM on July 13, 2010

"Tjim In der Schweig." My NPR name beats the hell out of my porn name.
posted by .kobayashi. at 6:34 PM on July 13, 2010

Apparently your Bad Girl name is made by combining what you had for breakfast with the state in which you last peed by the side of the road. Following this combination, I once ended up as Biscuits Montana, which I refuse to ever deviate from.
posted by KathrynT at 6:52 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

That would make me Oat Bran Drunk, I think.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:53 PM on July 13, 2010 [7 favorites]

Bagels Maryland.

Which is also a good drag name.
posted by The Whelk at 6:55 PM on July 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Coffee Queensland doesn't really cut it as a bad Girl name, I suspect.
posted by dg at 6:57 PM on July 13, 2010

My bad, yeah, it's the smallest foreign city -- and I typed "country" again as I wrote it, lol. Yeah, that's why I'm Natalire del Rio and not Natalire Mexico.
posted by Nattie at 7:02 PM on July 13, 2010

Johann Kunta Hora . . . . deadly spy
posted by The Whelk at 7:04 PM on July 13, 2010

"Pills" Illinois

HMMMMMM
posted by jtron at 7:06 PM on July 13, 2010

Jessacmyn Quetzaltenango [actually I'm quite certain I've been in smaller cities, but this is my favorite name other than Coorong]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:17 PM on July 13, 2010

Apparently your Bad Girl name is made by combining what you had for breakfast with the state in which you last peed by the side of the road.

Farina Nevada. Happily, this didn't come up last week when I was in London, as Fried Bread Nevada isn't quite as musical.
posted by oneirodynia at 7:23 PM on July 13, 2010

Rorgy America.

Either I need to travel more or I need to never ever ever leave.
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:24 PM on July 13, 2010

I believe this makes me Bagels Amsterdam, which sounds more like an adorable toy puppy than a "bad girl."
posted by good day merlock at 7:26 PM on July 13, 2010

I mixed up my memes.

It looks like my bad girl name is, indeed, Bagel Illinois, which I refuse to accept as it sounds like a washed-up breakfast chain on Golf Rd. My NPR name is Jameie Amsterdam.
posted by good day merlock at 7:28 PM on July 13, 2010

Frisker Ogden.

Great porn name, but not if you're heterosexual.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 7:36 PM on July 13, 2010

My bad girl name is Smoothie Jersey. That's actually not bad.
posted by ob at 7:44 PM on July 13, 2010

Pattil Varces. I imagine myself saying it in Lakshmi Singh's voice.
posted by padraigin at 7:48 PM on July 13, 2010

Shells Texas? meh.
posted by Night_owl at 7:52 PM on July 13, 2010

The Usual Massachusetts.

That's bad alright.
posted by ocherdraco at 7:54 PM on July 13, 2010

I thought the NPR meme would have me as Kaathryn Stavanger, but in fact I think it's Katharyn Stow-on-the-wold. Not as good, that second one.
posted by KathrynT at 8:03 PM on July 13, 2010

Jaeson Israel. That's as NPR as it gets.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:05 PM on July 13, 2010

Or OH Katharyn Chipping Sodbury! Why yes my husband and I DID take a driving tour of Northern England on our honeymoon, thank you so much for asking.
posted by KathrynT at 8:10 PM on July 13, 2010

Smallest foreign town? Okay, then, says Dmark Saint-André-de-la-Marche.
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 8:13 PM on July 13, 2010

Jessacmyn Quetzaltenango

If we're talking Guatemalan highlands town names, I'm even more partial to Chichicastenango.
posted by killdevil at 8:31 PM on July 13, 2010

Djavid Placesosmallithasnoname, here, reporting from some other god-forsaken place.
posted by dg at 8:41 PM on July 13, 2010

Here's how to find your Blues Singer name: a fault of yours + a fruit + a US president's last name:

Clumsy Apple Johnson
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:46 PM on July 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Well, if I'd known it would one day come in handy to have an itemized list of all the foreign cities I've visited, ordered by relative size, I might've bothered to make one.

Probably not, though.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:49 PM on July 13, 2010

Nicrole Cotswolds!
posted by Wuggie Norple at 8:49 PM on July 13, 2010

Pancakes Alaska. That could be a pretty bad girl, I guess.
posted by Nabubrush at 8:51 PM on July 13, 2010

Messy Clementine Monroe.

I like.
posted by Night_owl at 8:56 PM on July 13, 2010

Christophec Mexico. Hmm. Can my middle name be Popocatepetl?
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:04 PM on July 13, 2010

Granola Bar Florida is a fucking stupid name.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:05 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

My bad, yeah, it's the smallest foreign city

Aha! Christophec Potrero Redondo. I like it!!
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:19 PM on July 13, 2010

My bad, yeah, it's the smallest foreign city

For NPR World Service, I'm Sarmah Vilseck.
posted by muddgirl at 9:24 PM on July 13, 2010

Here's how to find your Blues Singer name: a fault of yours + a fruit + a US president's last name:

Clumsy Apple Johnson

Good lord. In what flawed, evil world am I not known as Sad, Sad Strawberry Adams?
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 9:50 PM on July 13, 2010

a fault of yours + a fruit + a US president's last name:

Procrastinating Raspberry Lincoln
posted by scody at 10:02 PM on July 13, 2010 [3 favorites]

Anxious Tomato Jackson
posted by brundlefly at 10:03 PM on July 13, 2010

Depressed Açaí Obama
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:10 PM on July 13, 2010

Pedantic Guava Adams
posted by dg at 10:14 PM on July 13, 2010

Here's how to find your Blues Singer name:

Ahem.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:29 PM on July 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

Awesome, cortex.

"Macular Degeneration Betel Nut Cleveland"
posted by brundlefly at 10:33 PM on July 13, 2010

Act 1: Samantha Woodside. They say she was the first porn star with a business card.
Act 2: Sandwich "Sandy" Wyoming, the bad girl who hated her before she fell in love with her.
Act 3: "Lazy Banana" Nixon, the blues musician who wrote a song about it.

I'm Tkelly Hopewell standing in for Ira Glass. For some reason, this is Marketplace.
posted by fleacircus at 10:45 PM on July 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Fat Cherry Johnson!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 11:17 PM on July 13, 2010

Cold Pizza Colorado.
posted by Bookhouse at 11:51 PM on July 13, 2010

Chubby Banana Fillmore

wait... what?
posted by Balonious Assault at 11:54 PM on July 13, 2010

Lazy Mango Pierce.
Beans H. Never.
Mongreensday Pecos.


:-/ ... call me anything, just don't call me late for the meme.
posted by mondaygreens at 12:11 AM on July 14, 2010

Ahem.

Psychotic Lemon Grant!

Much bluesier. Or at least slightly scarier.
posted by scody at 12:20 AM on July 14, 2010

Drożdżówka Pomorskie.
posted by pracowity at 12:29 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Sweaty" Durian Carter
posted by jtron at 12:37 AM on July 14, 2010

Ahem.

Curse you Cortex, I was going to use Garfield.

Oh well: Grumpy Lemon Garfield.
posted by Infinite Jest at 1:14 AM on July 14, 2010

My favorite name meme is still the NPR announcer name one: insert your middle initial somewhere in your first name + the smallest foreign country you've been in.

Sorry, as a dumb American (aka poor), I've never been outside the united states. So I guess I'm cchris united states of america.

That does not roll off the tongue.
posted by cj_ at 1:19 AM on July 14, 2010

My bad girl name is Cheese Crackers Kansas. I'm an axe murderer's muse.
posted by amyms at 1:48 AM on July 14, 2010

From today i shall count the number of comments made in a single period
posted by infini at 3:02 AM on July 14, 2010

Kanapka Lubuskie!

*high-fives pracowity*
posted by mdonley at 3:46 AM on July 14, 2010

Insomniac Pluot Hoover. Not very bluesy.

jtron, I was totally going to do the Durian Carter combo.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:59 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

hmmm - given and middle names don't leave much room to move...

Russells Scoughall

(or "Russsell", but that really doesn't work...)
posted by russm at 4:03 AM on July 14, 2010

Coffee Queensland doesn't really cut it as a bad Girl name, I suspect.

Particularly not when there's two of us.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:25 AM on July 14, 2010

Trixie McNeil: Lady reporter by day, high-priced, uptown call girl by night.

The ladies call me Ruby Cherry... Awwww yeahhhh...
posted by rollbiz at 1:24 PM on July 13 [1 favorite +] [!]

I sound more like an astronaut: Chip Lovett
posted by etaoin at 4:28 AM on July 14, 2010

Revised NPR name: Soneja Búðardalur*

If we can go with US towns, I could be Soneja Glastonbury. Glastonbury, VT is actually a town with 0 inhabitants, and I've driven through it (and probably even peed on the side of the road).

Bad Girl name: Pop Tart Massachusetts.

Blues name: Pancreatitis Tangerine Lincoln - very appropriate. I'd like to make a minor change though - Pancreatitis Grapefruit Lincoln. Much better.

* I'm not actually sure if I've been to this specific town, but it's the smallest town in Snaefellsnes, which is a region I've definitely been to.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:25 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

(And for the people calling me a "noob"? Why don't you go ahead and check the join date on my profile?)

I did, N00b.
posted by terrapin at 5:32 AM on July 14, 2010

Hey you guys. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are getting married.

.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:35 AM on July 14, 2010

Oh, and the pr0n name is "Chi Chi Grande Vista"
posted by terrapin at 5:37 AM on July 14, 2010

Is this a law, or official policy of the industry? Because I guess I could be Chester Jackson, but I decided long ago that my nom de porn would be Captain Bangaroo.
posted by Shohn at 5:43 AM on July 14, 2010

Scone Amazon is not a very bad girl.

Frodo Stone, on the other hand?

Erien Loperot would be NPR, and as for blues, my first thought was Pretentious Durian Hayes, which I guess tells you why it'd start out with Pretentious...
posted by ChuraChura at 6:00 AM on July 14, 2010

Short-Tempered Peach Roosevelt.
posted by elizardbits at 6:01 AM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Buster Bacon!
posted by Mick at 6:05 AM on July 14, 2010

I am sorry but I believe I win the porn star name game:

Bobby Shaftsbury.

Yes, Shafts-bury.
posted by joe lisboa at 6:06 AM on July 14, 2010

Working with the (middle name) + (street you grew up on rules) of course
posted by joe lisboa at 6:11 AM on July 14, 2010

Fuzzo Lawrence, porn star in a Carol Burnett skit.
Muffins Michigan, an only-slightly-naughty bad girl.
Tracly Pembroke, filling in for Renee Montagne.
Nosebleed Coconut Garfield, bluesmaster extraordinaire.
posted by spinturtle at 6:36 AM on July 14, 2010

Blues name - Boney Foot Parker, master of the invisible harmonica.
posted by The Whelk at 6:39 AM on July 14, 2010

Grumpy Lime Coolidge

Myopic Melon Taft

Obsessive Durian Hoover
posted by ob at 6:47 AM on July 14, 2010

I just realised that with a bit of licence my porn name would be:

Tavy Mount.
posted by ob at 6:48 AM on July 14, 2010

My NPR name is Benicio del Toro, which is very strange because that's also my stage name.
posted by slogger at 6:52 AM on July 14, 2010

Ginger La Rue St-Denis. I feel like I should be climbing into a giant martini glass filled with bubbles, lol.
posted by zarah at 7:07 AM on July 14, 2010

One of these days, I am going to emit a post so wondrous that it will compel even the most closed mouth reader to post a comment.
posted by Drasher at 7:39 AM on July 14, 2010

Fat Grape Carter.
posted by Bookhouse at 8:46 AM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

Gassy Peaches Jackson will *so* be my sockpuppet name.
posted by arachnid at 8:50 AM on July 14, 2010

My porn name is Smokey Dominics which suggests high-class noir porn to me.

My NPR name is Alwan Pamporovo which is pretty awesome.

Forgetful Mango Carter invented funk but well he, you know, forgot.
posted by minifigs at 8:58 AM on July 14, 2010

Hiyo! Stoned Mango Taft here.
posted by Mister_A at 9:14 AM on July 14, 2010

How did I not see there's a mango on top of me there? ^^^^
posted by Mister_A at 9:15 AM on July 14, 2010

heh, I just got confused between this thread and the "who do you write like" thread in recent activity...
posted by infini at 9:15 AM on July 14, 2010

Sleepy Mangosteen McKinley sold her soul to the debil so that she could play guitar.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:20 AM on July 14, 2010

Stubborn Gooseberry Buchanan
posted by .kobayashi. at 9:25 AM on July 14, 2010

Oddly enough, my porn name IS JohnnyGunn. Some call me the six shooter. Always go out with a big bang.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:45 AM on July 14, 2010

Bad girl: Espresso California
posted by Beardman at 11:05 AM on July 14, 2010

Mister_A: "How did I not see there's a mango on top of me there? ^^^"

TWSS

porn star name: Bear Rural Rt. One
bad girl name: Lasagna Oregon
NPR announcer name: Jugstin Enlaugra
blues artist: Arrogant Tomato Harding
posted by idiopath at 11:41 AM on July 14, 2010

Fat Grape Carter.

Now that some time has passed, I clearly see that Fat Grapes Carter is the far superior name.
posted by Bookhouse at 1:29 PM on July 14, 2010

Oh my God, those aren't periods, THEY'RE DROPPED PACKETS!!!
posted by Pastabagel at 1:44 PM on July 14, 2010

You think its a period, but if you zoom in closely:
. . · • ○ ● ◎ ❆ ❄
posted by Lanark at 2:41 PM on July 14, 2010

Coffee Queensland doesn't really cut it as a bad Girl name, I suspect.
Particularly not when there's two of us.

Made all the creepier by the knowledge that we probably got our breakfast from the same Hudsons store.
posted by dg at 3:04 PM on July 14, 2010

Condescending Peach Nixon?
posted by frobozz at 3:33 PM on July 14, 2010

Those are not dots. You're dandruffing horizontally.
posted by qvantamon at 4:30 PM on July 14, 2010

Bad girl name: Melons Texas
posted by brundlefly at 5:00 PM on July 14, 2010

.
posted by exlotuseater at 6:24 PM on July 14, 2010

Spasmin' Mango Kennedy.
I may just keep that.
posted by Heretic at 7:09 PM on July 14, 2010

Bo Lakeshore
posted by EatTheWeek at 7:21 PM on July 14, 2010

Clockwise Dawkins
posted by asuprenant at 10:34 PM on July 14, 2010

392 comments on a question about the dot, and no recipes yet?
posted by krinklyfig at 1:42 AM on July 15, 2010

I have a recipe for disaster.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:36 AM on July 15, 2010

Does your recipe involve egrets? (What happened to that video, anyway?)
posted by cgc373 at 2:50 AM on July 15, 2010

Tufty McCulloch.
posted by Happy Dave at 4:12 AM on July 15, 2010

Does your recipe involve egrets?

Egrets... I've had a few, but then again... too few to mention.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:51 AM on July 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

In all seriousness, this is the best apple pie recipe ever.
posted by applemeat at 7:14 AM on July 15, 2010

Recipes? This is The Splendid Table, and I'm Kaetherine Sprotbrough.

My porn name is Mr. Mittens Verde Vista, which sounds like Muppet porn. Later I became Sylvester Greenbriar, who had a successful career impersonating Lord Peter Wimsey in the little-known cult film series Peter and Bunter: Your Bath is Ready.
posted by catlet at 8:06 AM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

My blues name, first of all, is Aphasia Durian Grant, and I'll thank you kindly to refer to me as such from here on out.

But on refresh, I got Comatose Melon Reagan, which. . . yes.
posted by KathrynT at 9:48 AM on July 15, 2010

one time I heard a vendor pronounce You-Are-El as "Earl"

I say SQL intentionally as "squiggle" just to see who will say something about it.
posted by ctmf at 6:17 PM on July 15, 2010

I say SQL intentionally as "squiggle" just to see who will say something about it.

I never have to say it outloud, but in my head SQL parses as "squirrel."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:22 PM on July 15, 2010

I never have to say it outloud, but in my head SQL parses as "squirrel."

Just so you know, most people who use it pronounce it "sequel".
posted by scalefree at 7:29 PM on July 15, 2010

I pronounce it "Squeeeal", Deliverance style. Great for emptying up meetings.
posted by qvantamon at 7:40 PM on July 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sam Birchwood.

WASPY-IST Porn name ever.

I beg to differ.



Sincerely,

Chaucer Kenilworth.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:52 AM on July 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

Of the lubricant Kenilworths?
posted by The Whelk at 5:01 AM on July 16, 2010 [4 favorites]

Choo-Choo Grant!

(God, I miss that little black cat).
posted by magstheaxe at 6:28 AM on July 16, 2010

Just so you know, most people who use it pronounce it "sequel".

Not officially -- just so you know.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 3:12 PM on July 16, 2010

Bad Girl: Eggs (British) Columbia
Blues Name: Shy Peaches Ford
NPR Announcer: Debforah Témiscaming. Témiscaming is in Quebec and it's the most foreign city, of any size, that I've been in. And I've been to England, Scotland and Mexico as well as having been born in the U.S.
posted by deborah at 4:20 PM on July 18, 2010