He needs mouse bites to die!

November 16, 2010 3:12 PM

In last night's House the patient needed mouse bites to die.

Is it sad that my ears perked up as soon as House and "mouse bites" got mentioned in the same sentence?

posted by alby to MetaFilter-Related at 3:12 PM (59 comments total)

Whoa
posted by Sailormom at 3:24 PM on November 16, 2010

Awesome.
posted by rtha at 3:26 PM on November 16, 2010

Uh. Yes?? [secretly scratching a rash that is forming at my elbow]
posted by Namlit at 3:26 PM on November 16, 2010

I smell a lawsuit!



No? No one else smells that? Time to get the ol' head checked for tumors again...
posted by cyphill at 3:29 PM on November 16, 2010

This vexes me.
posted by Artw at 3:30 PM on November 16, 2010 [7 favorites]

But did the episode end with

~FIN~

Because if not, they lose points for style.
posted by quin at 3:32 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

The only thing this proves is that Hollywood can use the phone book. And a phone.
posted by carsonb at 3:35 PM on November 16, 2010

Don't even get 24 hours to hide a spoiler below the fold?
posted by inigo2 at 3:38 PM on November 16, 2010 [3 favorites]

I forget, did screenwriters end up getting paid for webisodes or what?
posted by Artw at 3:38 PM on November 16, 2010

Man, James Frey is going to have the shits.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:39 PM on November 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

In Hollywood, there's one typewriter, and a thousand copy machines. Think about it, man.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:41 PM on November 16, 2010

It'll never fly. The holes in that plot are so big you could drive a Huge Lorry through them.
posted by googly at 3:44 PM on November 16, 2010 [15 favorites]

Blazecock Pileon: In Hollywood, there's one typewriter, and a thousand copy machines. Think about it, man.

Grandpa, I keep telling you: computers have replaced typewriters. They have for decades. No one uses them, except you. And no, I don't have any spare typewriter ribbon around.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:45 PM on November 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

And no, I don't have any spare typewriter ribbon around.

Well when the zombies come to claw your face off don't come crying to me!
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 3:49 PM on November 16, 2010 [4 favorites]

o_o

I haven't seen it yet.. but now you make me want to fire up my DVR and catch up on the last three episodes.
posted by royalsong at 3:53 PM on November 16, 2010

Sigh. Once again, you don’t shock a flatline.

So sad that this happens in every hospital show ever created.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 3:53 PM on November 16, 2010 [3 favorites]

Write Your Own House Episode! (Cracked link, sorry.)
posted by Gator at 3:54 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

Now wait for a bunch of new registrations from aspiring Hollywood writers. Ka-ching!
And it only took three years!
posted by vidur at 4:01 PM on November 16, 2010

I liked "ER" back before mathowie left the show.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:28 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wait, what? I mean, I don't pay the best attention to the TV generally, but I watched that episode and I recall no mice. The dead guy seemed to die fine without assistance from any rodent.
posted by amro at 4:28 PM on November 16, 2010

If you shock a flatline, I swear I will come to your home and beat you with a wet chicken.
posted by maudlin at 4:30 PM on November 16, 2010 [15 favorites]

I found that blog link through a quick Google, but there's some other neat stuff there, too, like this.

To do this part of the [neurological] assessment, usually you just tell the person to watch your finger as you move it around in a particular pattern.

But some patients are hard to assess in this way, if they’re demented (medical definition, people!) or have some kind of altered mental status or whatever.

So how do you get a patient to move their eyes in a particular pattern if they can’t follow directions? Fingers aren’t inherently interesting, and even someone who initially follows the movement of your hand just because it’s moving will get bored and look away before you’re done with the full assessment.

But interestingly, it turns out that there’s something that even patients with altered mental status pay close attention to….

Money.

Yes, that’s right.

To get a person who doesn’t understand that they’re supposed to be looking at your hand to actually look at your hand, just pull out a twenty. And then move the twenty in the appropriate pattern. They’ll track it. And they’ll track it until the end of the exam. Even when they wouldn’t track anything else.

posted by maudlin at 4:35 PM on November 16, 2010 [33 favorites]

Mitchell and Webb do a great hospital sketch.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 4:36 PM on November 16, 2010 [5 favorites]

Thanks for the above-the-fold spoiler?
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 4:37 PM on November 16, 2010

You can't spoil House.
posted by Ardiril at 4:46 PM on November 16, 2010 [10 favorites]

I know it's basically the same show, repeated week after week, and I never remember who had what disease, but still ...
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 4:49 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

I liked "ER" back before mathowie left the show.

Man, remember when Chicago Hope was on the air, and Mandy Patankin was on it, and you'd be watching it and the whole time you couldn't stop thinking about Inigo Montoya but the show never like switched over into a goofy magical-realism bit where they re-enacted bits of Princess Bride and that was okay because it wouldn't make sense but still you were kind of hoping for some scalpal-stabbing, you-killa-my-patient action anyway? And then Scrubs came along but Mandy Patankin wasn't on that show.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:54 PM on November 16, 2010 [20 favorites]

Uh, I was actually one of the CDC extras.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:09 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

(By which I mean I was sitting on my couch in my full environmental suit, like I do every Monday night, waiting for the CDC to return my calls.)
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:10 PM on November 16, 2010 [4 favorites]

So has anyone watched Law & Order: UK sufficiently to determine if the whole thing is just an elaborate joke or not? And if it is, on who?
posted by Artw at 6:15 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

I find it absolutely amazing that House is interesting.

I don't have a medical degree. I know nothing about what they're saying. It really may as well be "It could be X," "No, X implies Y, and he has not-Y," "What about Z?" "Z explains the not-Y, but not W." "W and not-Y do not make sense!" "Wait, what if it is X, but special X, so it works with not-Y?" "YES!"

So why is House interesting? Why do I actually care about what the ultimate diagnosis is? I don't even suspect the medicine to be correct, so I can't possibly think it's at least giving me information. It's nothing but a completely meaningless string of dialogue, interspersed with poo, blood, and Cuddy's boobs.

Yet, it is interesting. Isn't that crazy?

I wrote a dissertation on this type of topic. But, sadly, it involved far fewer "Ain't this just crazy!?" chapter endings.
posted by meese at 6:26 PM on November 16, 2010 [3 favorites]

I smell a lawsuit!

Nonsense. Everything on the internet is public domain.
posted by brundlefly at 7:07 PM on November 16, 2010 [10 favorites]

My roommate at the time and I had a theory that all House had to do is hire one reasonably competent veterinarian. That, or some writer outright stole our public health and zoonotic disease curriculum.

Then they put a vet on for a couple episodes. And she was an idiot. Just like all the human doctors. Then we stopped pretending it made sense and just took a drink every time we thought Hugh Laurie was awesome despite his show. You can drink a lot that way.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 7:15 PM on November 16, 2010

So why is House interesting? Why do I actually care about what the ultimate diagnosis is? I don't even suspect the medicine to be correct, so I can't possibly think it's at least giving me information. It's nothing but a completely meaningless string of dialogue, interspersed with poo, blood, and Cuddy's boobs.

It's like Star Trek, really. The science-fiction elements are pretty much there just to put the crew in dramatic situations. They're dramatic, but meaningless.

House is interesting because House is interesting. The medical plotline is just there to give the character something to struggle against.
posted by Netzapper at 7:28 PM on November 16, 2010 [5 favorites]

Wait, what? I mean, I don't pay the best attention to the TV generally, but I watched that episode and I recall no mice. The dead guy seemed to die fine without assistance from any rodent.

I had the same question. The only mention of mice is the blog post saying that the only way the dead guy could have gotten that disease was to be bitten by a mite that lived on a diseased mouse, but the reason the blog post mentioned that was the point out that the show completely ignored that little detail.


Sorry for making the fun House thread more serious
posted by chndrcks at 7:33 PM on November 16, 2010

And no, I don't have any spare typewriter ribbon around.

And House covers that, too. Apologies for the Hulu link, which will also probably stop working in a few weeks.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 8:12 PM on November 16, 2010

Don't even get 24 hours to hide a spoiler below the fold?

Unpossible, You can't spoil a House episode, theyre all the same!
posted by T.D. Strange at 9:02 PM on November 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

The science-fiction elements are pretty much there just to put the crew in dramatic situations.

In House, the science fiction element is that the insurance companies don't retroactively pull the patient's coverage before they're anywhere near a diagnosis.

Hmmm. I guess that's the same thing, really.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:23 PM on November 16, 2010 [2 favorites]

"So has anyone watched Law & Order: UK sufficiently to determine if the whole thing is just an elaborate joke or not? And if it is, on who?"

I've watched three of them, but since I have so little grasp of the legal maneuvering allowed in the British system, I have no idea. It is funny that they've already cannibalized a couple LO:TOS plots. It's so rare that you get to watch the stealing reverse like that.

It's certainly much better acted than LO:LA.

(Which looks like an emoticon in search of a meaning. LO:O_| It's a yelling man with glasses!)
posted by klangklangston at 10:42 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

I smell a lawsuit!

House: Interesting. Acquired synesthesia. Wilson, that bad taste in your mouth is the sound of defeat.

Foreman: Not so fast, House. The patient and his entire family are all bleeding geysers out their assholes, Cuddy was too busy with her baby to notice that the government inspectors had clamped all the crash carts in the parking lot, and that Ku Klux Klan imperial dragon in oncology... is actually my half brother Jethro.

House: Ebony and irony...
posted by pracowity at 11:13 PM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

I legitimately like L&O: UK. I think the cast has great chemistry, it's well-acted, and it's zippy.

klangklangston: all of the L&O:UK plots are from original L&O episodes, and to my knowledge, there hasn't been a single exception yet. A few were modified to make reference to similar British crimes (the series 3 premier, "Broken," incorporates the Jimmy Bulger case), but such significant modifications to the plot are rare. Mainly it's localization.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 2:10 AM on November 17, 2010

LO-LA. L-O-COLON-L-A LO-LA. L-O-COLON-O-UNDERSCORE...

Repeat chorus.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:35 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is a horrible post.
posted by ericost at 6:47 AM on November 17, 2010

I will take ten posts like this a day over a single pileon, whywasmypostdeleted, or grarofthemonthclub post.
posted by Gator at 6:51 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was unemployed and taking care of a sick mother for months on end. TNT was the "All L&O All the Time" channel, so I would watch at least four of these a day. It was mindless. Sometimes they would have a L&O marathon day, or worse a L&O marathon weekend. It was bad. We're talking 24 episodes a week minimum. Since they repeated the same daytime episode at night I'd sometimes watch this a second time in the same day. If my insomnia kept me up late enough I'd even get to see it a third time. I was suffering from a near mental illness. This went on until I'd seen each episode of the first 6 seasons (in order or by theme) at least 4 or 5 times.

I developed a useless party trick from this. Given any 30 second shot of "the body" I could tell you who killed her/him, and why and also the verdict in the court case.

When L&O:UK came out I watched the first three, but I felt parts of my brain breaking with each episode. I was like a dyslexic person reading a David Foster Wallace book.

The recent L&O nod in "Luther" was cool, but that has nothing to do with anything.

I'm watching "House" tonight.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:21 AM on November 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

I am quickly falling for L&O:UK, and I have mostly avoided the L&O juggernaut over the years except for a few eps with Belzer or Orbach. But I am a huge fan of Harriet Walter*, and when you roll in Jamie Bamber and Freema Agyeman and Ben Daniels...well. Even if the plots are ridiculously easy to wrap up in an hour, it's tremendously well-acted.

*Harriet Walter: not only Harriet Vane to Edward Petherbridge's Wimsey, not only a CBE, but Saruman's niece!
posted by catlet at 7:25 AM on November 17, 2010

"all of the L&O:UK plots are from original L&O episodes, and to my knowledge, there hasn't been a single exception yet. A few were modified to make reference to similar British crimes (the series 3 premier, "Broken," incorporates the Jimmy Bulger case), but such significant modifications to the plot are rare. Mainly it's localization."

Really? I mean, I've only got the first five episodes here so far (BBC America's OnDemand thing has 'em), and I'll be a little disappointed if they're all retreads. Though the one with the antagonistic ex-con, I don't remember from the original series (though it may well exist). Probably a Ben Stone one.

Man, the original series back in the '90s was pretty nice. I even dig the Ben Stone episodes.
posted by klangklangston at 8:37 AM on November 17, 2010

I never got over losing Ben Stone.
posted by Bookhouse at 8:47 AM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Lawsuit for charity.
posted by Lutoslawski at 10:04 AM on November 17, 2010

I smell a lawsuit!

You're lucky. I can smell klang's subpoena.
posted by Sallyfur at 2:45 PM on November 17, 2010

I know it's basically the same show, repeated week after week

Except for that one week when it really was lupus. Good times, good times.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:19 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

"I can smell klang's subpoena."

It's below my poena!
posted by klangklangston at 4:41 PM on November 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

I am also in this thread.
posted by Splunge at 6:54 PM on November 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seriously though: Mouse bites had nothing to do with this episode!
posted by lizzicide at 10:25 PM on November 17, 2010

Am I a week behind? Because I thought this week's ep was where the patient needed hepatitis A to cure his hepatitis C.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:25 AM on November 18, 2010

I watched "House" and no one needed mouse bites to die. I'm unhappy now.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:06 AM on November 18, 2010

I'll explain it. Don't read the following paragraph if you haven't seen the episode yet and don't want it spoiled.

They got the disease from the ship, right? And they were reading the captain's log to find an explanation of why only the slaves got sick. They saw that the captain had a cat. But the cat must have been there for a purpose! To eat mice! So, the slave areas must not have had a cat to eat the mice, meaning that the mice were biting at all those people, giving them the illness. It was the mouse bites that led to the slaves getting sick which then led to the dad dying.
posted by meese at 8:35 AM on November 18, 2010

OHHH you meant the mouse bites led to the slaves dying! Not the dad.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:17 AM on November 19, 2010

klangklangston: really. The wikipedia page has a good run-down.

Some of the changes ARE pretty major (a biiiig plot point from "Survivor" is moved to "Alesha"), but they are all based on previous episodes, thus far.

This is a great blog that reviews the UK episodes on their own merit, and then compares them to the original version (which the reviewer usually remembers). I really like it.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 4:39 AM on November 20, 2010