RIP, Tom West

May 22, 2011 1:43 AM

This is a thread for condolences and hugs for Jessamyn. Her father, noted computer engineer Tom West, passed away on the 19th. (Obituaries: Boston Globe, CNET, East Bay)
posted by Asparagirl to MetaFilter-Related at 1:43 AM (573 comments total)

My sincerest condolenses, Jess.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:44 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by knile at 1:46 AM on May 22, 2011

Ach, that's awful. So sorry for you.
posted by joost de vries at 1:49 AM on May 22, 2011

My sincere condolences. This is very sad.
posted by harriet vane at 1:52 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by mlis at 1:59 AM on May 22, 2011

My thoughts are with you and your family.


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posted by infini at 1:59 AM on May 22, 2011

Take care of yourself during this trying time.
posted by hal_c_on at 1:59 AM on May 22, 2011

Oh, Jessamyn, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and all who love your father. I hope you are surrounded by strength and love as you navigate this transition, and that the good memories remain crystal clear for you always.
posted by batmonkey at 2:10 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by Smart Dalek at 2:11 AM on May 22, 2011

He gave us you (well, half of you, your mum gets some credit too), and therefore we are indebted to him.

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posted by malibustacey9999 at 2:16 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by nangar at 2:23 AM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by badmoonrising at 2:25 AM on May 22, 2011

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this incredible comment will always be one of the greatest stories I've read on metafilter, or, really, anywhere
posted by churl at 2:26 AM on May 22, 2011 [11 favorites]

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posted by Zenabi at 2:31 AM on May 22, 2011

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I'm so sorry, Jessamyn.
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:47 AM on May 22, 2011

We love you, Jess.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:48 AM on May 22, 2011

Hugs, Jessamyn.
posted by loquacious at 2:49 AM on May 22, 2011

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You will get through this.
posted by mippy at 2:54 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry.

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posted by By The Grace of God at 2:57 AM on May 22, 2011

(((hugs)))

lil ubu sends hugs too, only he's forgotten his password again.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:57 AM on May 22, 2011

Sad news, jessamyn. My thoughts with you and yours.
posted by Abiezer at 3:01 AM on May 22, 2011

Deepest condolences to Jessamyn and family. Very sorry for your loss and much love.
posted by lilywing13 at 3:06 AM on May 22, 2011

My father recently passed away as well. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
posted by Splunge at 3:09 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by kalimac at 3:10 AM on May 22, 2011

Joining everyone with my condolences. And hugs.
posted by Namlit at 3:12 AM on May 22, 2011

Terrible news. My sincerest condolences and warmest hugs.
posted by Kattullus at 3:15 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry. Take care.
posted by dog food sugar at 3:33 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 3:38 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm sorry for you loss Jessamyn! You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
posted by Stynxno at 4:01 AM on May 22, 2011

So very sorry for your loss Jessamyn.
posted by gomichild at 4:04 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry about the loss of your Dad, jessamyn - my condolences to you. It's hard to lose a parent. My thoughts are with you.
posted by madamjujujive at 4:11 AM on May 22, 2011

Sorry for your loss, Jess.
posted by MuffinMan at 4:11 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences.

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posted by klausness at 4:17 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:26 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by hydropsyche at 4:26 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. May your good memories of your dad help you get through these hard days.
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:28 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Doktor Zed at 4:29 AM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, I'm so sorry. Please be good to yourself during this difficult time. Lots of people around here love you.
posted by Stewriffic at 4:32 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.

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posted by lovermont at 4:34 AM on May 22, 2011

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My thoughts are with you and your family.
posted by safetyfork at 4:35 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by lampshade at 4:37 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry Jessamyn. I hope you and your family are doing ok. Xoxo
posted by OmieWise at 4:50 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm awfully sorry for your loss, jessamyn.
posted by item at 4:53 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by mothershock at 4:56 AM on May 22, 2011

He sounds like he was a great man. I'm sorry for the loss.
posted by crunchland at 5:00 AM on May 22, 2011

I really love this picture of him that ran in Letters of Note just last week.

Very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:04 AM on May 22, 2011 [4 favorites]

Oh Jessamyn, I'm sorry to hear this.

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posted by bilabial at 5:05 AM on May 22, 2011

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I'm sorry, Jessamyn. Strength and love to you and your family.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:06 AM on May 22, 2011

My deepest condolences, Jessamyn. I'm sorry for your loss.
posted by gleuschk at 5:11 AM on May 22, 2011

Oh, Jessamyn. My sincerest condolences for you and your family in your time of loss.

I believe in waking the dead, so I'll raise a glass in his honor later today.

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posted by hippybear at 5:11 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss.
posted by solotoro at 5:12 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. It sounds like he was more an elemental force than just a father.
posted by Malor at 5:13 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by janepanic at 5:19 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Chichibio at 5:20 AM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, very sorry for your loss. When you said last night in the other thread that your "week has been ungreat," I had no idea this was part of it. I apologize for contributing to the ungreatness of your week during this difficult time.
posted by Gator at 5:21 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

Very sorry. Hang in there.
posted by JanetLand at 5:23 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Silly Ashles at 5:27 AM on May 22, 2011

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Deeply sorry for your loss.
posted by strixus at 5:29 AM on May 22, 2011

Hugs, Jessamyn.
posted by Hobgoblin at 5:31 AM on May 22, 2011

I am so very sorry for your loss. Take good care.
posted by jaruwaan at 5:33 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, jessamyn

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posted by tavegyl at 5:36 AM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by Kangaroo at 5:46 AM on May 22, 2011

I am very sorry to hear of your lost. Take good care of yourself in the coming weeks.
posted by rumposinc at 5:47 AM on May 22, 2011

Gator: When you said last night in the other thread that your "week has been ungreat," I had no idea this was part of it.

I was aware of her father's passing when I saw that comment and all I could think to myself was how balanced and restrained she remained even during a really shitty time in her life. It elevated my respect for her to an even higher level.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family, Jessamyn.
posted by gman at 5:48 AM on May 22, 2011 [12 favorites]

Thanks for sharing your dad with us, Jessamyn.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 5:49 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss
posted by nooneyouknow at 5:49 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Diablevert at 5:49 AM on May 22, 2011

Thinking of you.
posted by fake at 5:49 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by NoraCharles at 5:50 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by COD at 5:50 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences.
posted by flex at 5:51 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, as well. Photographs show his face in yours, which is a nice thing to have.
posted by thinkpiece at 5:54 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by penduluum at 5:56 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry, Jessamyn.
posted by heyho at 5:56 AM on May 22, 2011

And you just kept soldiering on. Wow.
Wishing you strength or laughs or strong drink or all three, whatever you need.

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posted by likeso at 5:59 AM on May 22, 2011

Big hug. So sorry Jess.
posted by fourcheesemac at 6:01 AM on May 22, 2011

Sorry, Jessamyn. I hope you're OK.
posted by FishBike at 6:09 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so very sorry. My father died suddenly a few years ago, and there are just no words. My condolences on your loss, and my sympathies to you, Jessamyn, and your family.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:13 AM on May 22, 2011

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Thinking of you Jessamyn!
posted by garnetgirl at 6:13 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by briank at 6:17 AM on May 22, 2011

Peace to you and your family, Jessamyn, as you move through this event.
posted by HuronBob at 6:17 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by Your Time Machine Sucks at 6:18 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by bru at 6:18 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by DingoMutt at 6:22 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by sperose at 6:26 AM on May 22, 2011

Aww Jess. Love to you.
posted by puny human at 6:26 AM on May 22, 2011

:(
posted by cashman at 6:27 AM on May 22, 2011

Deepest condolences to you and your family, Jessamyn.
posted by goshling at 6:28 AM on May 22, 2011

Oh no... I'm so sorry. jessamyn, big hugs to you from me & mr. desjardins.
posted by desjardins at 6:33 AM on May 22, 2011

That Globe obituary is completely fascinating.
Sorry for your loss.
posted by docpops at 6:39 AM on May 22, 2011

Very, very sorry to hear it. For you, your family and everyone personally affected by his loss.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:39 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by TheophileEscargot at 6:40 AM on May 22, 2011

: /

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posted by limeonaire at 6:44 AM on May 22, 2011

Love from my family to yours, Jessamyn. Give your sister a hug from me too.
posted by middleclasstool at 6:46 AM on May 22, 2011

Many condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by Danf at 6:50 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by to sir with millipedes at 6:52 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:53 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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posted by shiny blue object at 6:54 AM on May 22, 2011

[hugs]
posted by davidjmcgee at 6:54 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Navelgazer at 6:55 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences to you and your family, Jessamyn.
posted by rocket88 at 6:55 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Salieri at 6:57 AM on May 22, 2011

Love from all of us to all of you. X
posted by Jofus at 6:59 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by pecanpies at 7:00 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Miko at 7:06 AM on May 22, 2011

Sorry, Jessamyn. I hope you're OK.

Thanks very much folks. I am okay. This news was sudden and sad but not entirely unexpected. Those of you who know me well know that my relationship with my dad was complex, but very solid. I have a sister who is one of my best friends and who has been my partner in managing what needs to be managed. My boyfriend is a peach and very supportive. ColdChef has been just as amazing as you would expect, helping me navigate all the new territory. Local friends have been making dinner for me every night and listening to me alternately gossip, complain and grieve.

It's more than a little weird when you have a parent who is a public figure, especially when their public persona is at variance from their day to day existence. I spoke to my dad a few days before he died and we spent a lot of that time talking about birds and about how to get his bookmarks over to his iPad 2. We're going to have a private service this coming weekend but then a larger celebration of life thing later this year at his big house by Horseneck Beach [which some of you have been to if you came to the beach meetup] and local folks who are interested are welcome to attend.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:06 AM on May 22, 2011 [33 favorites]

(That Letters of Note piece is fascinating).
posted by Miko at 7:07 AM on May 22, 2011

Oh, Jessamyn, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family. Take good care of yourself in this difficult time.
posted by Elsa at 7:07 AM on May 22, 2011

Hey, all us peantus are retooling the production lines at the snark factory for you. We'll be collecting, packing and sending out hand crafted warm thoughts to be sent to your doorstep overnight. Even the third shift has promised to actually do some work and pitch in.

Be well. Take care.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:10 AM on May 22, 2011 [7 favorites]

Very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by gaspode at 7:11 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by QuarterlyProphet at 7:12 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by lilac girl at 7:14 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:14 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry Jessamyn :(
posted by DiscourseMarker at 7:15 AM on May 22, 2011

sorry for your loss.
posted by the mad poster! at 7:15 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by rtha at 7:18 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by yerfatma at 7:19 AM on May 22, 2011

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*hug*
posted by deezil at 7:23 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn. *hugs*
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:30 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm sorry, Jessamyn.
posted by brujita at 7:33 AM on May 22, 2011

Sorry to hear that. My condolences.
posted by joannemullen at 7:33 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by porn in the woods at 7:36 AM on May 22, 2011

Additionally, this may not be everyone's cup of tea, but there are a few more interesting things to read/look at for people who knew him from computer days or who are just curious

• Wired profile from 2000
• Tom West: The Soul of a Development Manager
• Q&A with my dad and Tracy Kidder
• Flickr photosets: personal, Japanese computer show circa 1980

posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:38 AM on May 22, 2011 [36 favorites]

Sorry, Jessamyn
posted by 6550 at 7:38 AM on May 22, 2011

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Sincere Condolences.
posted by jonmc at 7:42 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss.
posted by immlass at 7:44 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 7:45 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.
posted by winna at 7:45 AM on May 22, 2011

Condolences and best wishes, jessamyn.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:47 AM on May 22, 2011

*hugs*
posted by tommasz at 7:53 AM on May 22, 2011

Condolences and peace.
posted by readery at 7:54 AM on May 22, 2011

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Hugs.
posted by Ahab at 7:56 AM on May 22, 2011

Hugs to you and your family, Jessamyn.
posted by ambrosia at 7:59 AM on May 22, 2011

My deepest condolences.
posted by stoneweaver at 8:02 AM on May 22, 2011

very sorry for your loss.
posted by sweetkid at 8:02 AM on May 22, 2011

So Sorry. Hugs and such.
posted by octothorpe at 8:03 AM on May 22, 2011

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I wish I could say how much you will be in my thoughts; I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Please take care and be strong.
posted by titantoppler at 8:06 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by zadcat at 8:07 AM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, I'm so sorry.
posted by donnagirl at 8:08 AM on May 22, 2011

So very sorry, Jess.

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posted by jbickers at 8:09 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Melismata at 8:11 AM on May 22, 2011

This sucks, and I'm sorry.
posted by flashboy at 8:11 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Max Power at 8:14 AM on May 22, 2011

Best to you and yours, Jess.


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posted by magstheaxe at 8:16 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by hapax_legomenon at 8:23 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by marimeko at 8:24 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm very sorry, Jessamyn. We've been thinking of you.
posted by Songdog at 8:26 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:27 AM on May 22, 2011

Will be thinking of you.
posted by hermitosis at 8:27 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by anastasiav at 8:30 AM on May 22, 2011

Oh Jessamyn, I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.

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posted by grouse at 8:30 AM on May 22, 2011

You have my sincere condolences Jessamyn, you're in my thoughts.
posted by marxchivist at 8:31 AM on May 22, 2011

Very sorry to hear the sad news. My sympathies, Jessamyn.

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posted by anniecat at 8:36 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by iamkimiam at 8:41 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by HandfulOfDust at 8:42 AM on May 22, 2011

Whether it is sudden and unexpected, or lengthy and known, the end product still feels like a hole in the floor for a long time.

But it does get better, and the hole gets patched but never truly closes. And sometimes, that's OK. It's human.

From someone with a complicated paternal relationship.

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posted by ltracey at 8:46 AM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

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posted by shakespeherian at 8:55 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm sorry for your loss.
posted by mountain_william at 8:57 AM on May 22, 2011

Well, this is a sad thing. I am sorry, Jessamyn.
posted by SLC Mom at 8:58 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences for your loss.

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posted by clearlydemon at 9:01 AM on May 22, 2011

We love you, Jessamyn.
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:02 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by clavdivs at 9:06 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. Thanks for being so generous to share the links about your dad in this thread. Please take care of yourself.
posted by speicus at 9:12 AM on May 22, 2011

So sudden, and so sad. I'm sorry to hear this. Take good care of yourself.

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posted by palliser at 9:14 AM on May 22, 2011

Condolences, Jessamyn. Losing a parent is rough, however complex or simple the relationship may have been. I'm glad to hear you have support.
posted by bardophile at 9:18 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by teragram at 9:20 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss Jessamyn.
posted by eyeballkid at 9:20 AM on May 22, 2011

I am so sorry for your loss.
posted by faineant at 9:21 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by painquale at 9:23 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by katillathehun at 9:24 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by kbanas at 9:36 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by shiu mai baby at 9:36 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by Quietgal at 9:36 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:37 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by lukemeister at 9:38 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by jamaro at 9:39 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by dismas at 9:42 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by adamvasco at 9:43 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by DrGirlfriend at 9:51 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by motty at 9:51 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by stagewhisper at 9:56 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences - losing a parent even when expected is hard and adding in the unexpectedness and the complexities can only make it harder. Take care of yourself!
posted by leslies at 9:57 AM on May 22, 2011

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I read The Soul of a New Machine probably around the time I joined MeFi, and it wasn't until much later that I put the names together.

We'll try to be good for a week or two, at least on your shift. :-)
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 10:02 AM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Jessamyn, very sorry about your loss.
posted by theredpen at 10:03 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm sorry for your loss, Jess, and glad to hear you're doing okay.
posted by box at 10:05 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by francesca too at 10:07 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by en forme de poire at 10:09 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by A dead Quaker at 10:10 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jess. Condolences to you and yours. Take care of yourself.
posted by Phire at 10:10 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by LobsterMitten at 10:10 AM on May 22, 2011

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My condolences and gratitude that you have good people around you to help you through.
posted by Gucky at 10:11 AM on May 22, 2011

I wish you peace and strength.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:14 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by dhruva at 10:15 AM on May 22, 2011

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I am sorry.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:16 AM on May 22, 2011

{{{hug}}}
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 10:16 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by patheral at 10:17 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by chmmr at 10:18 AM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by found missing at 10:19 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by marienbad at 10:21 AM on May 22, 2011

I sort of knew who Jessamyn's father was (in the limited sense that he was an engineer at DG and whatever else Kidder had to say about him) having read the book many years before Metafilter was even a spark in Matt's brain. Once Metafilter came along, and Jessamyn became one of my Internet-friends, I slowly learned more by bits and pieces about him. The Boston Globe obit filled out more details and fleshed him out a little bit more.

The overriding feeling I have right now, aside from my sympathies and tender feelings for Jessamyn and her family, is that he sounded like someone I would have really liked to have known, in a different world. I do so hate discovering people when it's too late.
posted by pjern at 10:24 AM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Jessamyn, I'm so sorry.
posted by mmmbacon at 10:27 AM on May 22, 2011

(( hugs )) Thinking of you, Jessamyn.
posted by TangerineGurl at 10:31 AM on May 22, 2011

My sincere condolences to you and your family, Jessamyn.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:34 AM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, my deepest condolences. I hope you find peace in this difficult time.
posted by msali at 10:36 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by cmyk at 10:36 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by jabo at 10:43 AM on May 22, 2011

Ah, shit.

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posted by Space Kitty at 10:46 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by WalkingAround at 10:47 AM on May 22, 2011

Aww, condolences Jessamyn. Good luck. Let us know if you need anything.
posted by klangklangston at 10:53 AM on May 22, 2011

(((hugs)))
posted by brina at 10:58 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.

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posted by bettafish at 10:58 AM on May 22, 2011

Best to you, Jessamyn.
posted by mintcake! at 11:02 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you peace, comfort and lots of warm hugs.

{{{{{{}}}}}}}
posted by marsha56 at 11:03 AM on May 22, 2011

How awful, jessamyn.

My thoughts are with you.
posted by jamjam at 11:05 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Skorgu at 11:06 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by w00bliette at 11:07 AM on May 22, 2011

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I'm sorry for your loss.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 11:08 AM on May 22, 2011

Sorry to hear about this Jessamyn.

I read Soul of a New Machine when I was in college, and it meant a lot to me.
posted by philipy at 11:10 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. My thoughts are with you and your family.
posted by Chanther at 11:16 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by K.P. at 11:22 AM on May 22, 2011

Oh no. :( I'm so sorry to hear this.

My deepest condolences and sympathies to you and your family. May his memory be for a blessing.
posted by zarq at 11:26 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry to hear about this. My condolences to you and your family in these difficult times.
posted by carter at 11:29 AM on May 22, 2011

Sincere condolences, jessamyn.
posted by Rumple at 11:30 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by languagehat at 11:30 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 11:30 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by xingcat at 11:33 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by mmahaffie at 11:35 AM on May 22, 2011

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So sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by yaymukund at 11:36 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. Sending thoughts and condolences to you and your family.

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posted by bakerina at 11:37 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by contrariwise at 11:39 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by sillygwailo at 11:43 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by gudrun at 11:43 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by brennen at 11:43 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by saveyoursanity at 11:43 AM on May 22, 2011

Oh, Jessamyn, I am so very sorry. I'm holding you in my heart. xoxo
posted by scody at 11:43 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences.
posted by rodgerd at 11:44 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by MythMaker at 11:45 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Mitheral at 11:46 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by jackofsaxons at 11:46 AM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, jessamyn. Let MetaFilter know if you need anything, okay?
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:47 AM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by radioamy at 11:48 AM on May 22, 2011

Very sorry for your loss, jessamyn.

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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:55 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by cooker girl at 11:57 AM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for you loss, Jess.

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posted by OneMonkeysUncle at 11:57 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by beandip at 11:58 AM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. My condolences.
posted by koeselitz at 11:59 AM on May 22, 2011

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posted by typewriter at 12:00 PM on May 22, 2011

Wow Jess, what a great man. Thoughts and prayers are with you..
posted by pearlybob at 12:07 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by NordyneDefenceDynamics at 12:16 PM on May 22, 2011

Sounds like your dad was an amazing character, Jessamyn. Deepest sympathies.
posted by tizzie at 12:17 PM on May 22, 2011

Hugs to you, Jess. I'm so sorry.
posted by taz at 12:19 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by ignignokt at 12:20 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm sorry, jessamyn. I'm glad you have people who love you around you through this, and you are in my thoughts.
posted by onlyconnect at 12:23 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm very sorry to hear this. Take care.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 12:25 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by ubersturm at 12:26 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry to hear that, Jessamyn. Best to you and your family.
posted by bondcliff at 12:31 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences.

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posted by Sailormom at 12:37 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by litleozy at 12:38 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences on your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by jgirl at 12:41 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 12:42 PM on May 22, 2011

Hugs and condolences, Jessamyn. Thinking of you and your family.

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posted by jokeefe at 12:49 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by raztaj at 12:51 PM on May 22, 2011

Much love to you.

Also: I love Horseneck Beach and the beach meetup there last year was a hundred different kinds of awesome. A great place for celebrating life, for sure.
posted by sonika at 12:55 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Dumsnill at 1:01 PM on May 22, 2011

Fuck. I was thinking of Tom earlier this month, and had the lark of an idea of using my currently-unemployed status to just get on a plane and go visit him, show up as a surprise and see how he takes it. I wish I had.

My condolences, Jess, and obviously please let me know if there's anything I can do.
posted by felix at 1:01 PM on May 22, 2011

Please accept my sincere condolences. I am very sorry for your loss.
posted by ob1quixote at 1:02 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by futureisunwritten at 1:04 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by IndigoRain at 1:04 PM on May 22, 2011

Very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the pictures, they're great. {{{Hugs}}}
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 1:09 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn.
posted by jason's_planet at 1:11 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss.

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posted by OHenryPacey at 1:18 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by mephron at 1:18 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by JoeXIII007 at 1:19 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by genehack at 1:21 PM on May 22, 2011

Big hugs jessamyn.
posted by snsranch at 1:23 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. Big hugs to you and your family.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:24 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by thomas j wise at 1:30 PM on May 22, 2011

When I first met Jessamyn's sister, Kate, they started talking about "Tom". After a few moments, I put 2+2 together and asked, "Wait, this is your dad you're talking about? You guys call your dad by his first name?" Turned out, "Tom" also served as an acronym for "The Old Man." TOM.

When I met him, I was a bit intimidated at first by his gruff persona; he didn't say much. But after I found that we had a lot of common interests, I discovered he wasn't averse to talking, just that he didn't say a lot all at once. Actually, TOM was funny and dry and insightful.

Anyway, I really liked Tom, and I will miss him a lot.

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posted by not_on_display at 1:32 PM on May 22, 2011 [9 favorites]

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posted by Rhaomi at 1:34 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by MissySedai at 1:40 PM on May 22, 2011

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I'm so sorry, Jessamyn.
posted by trip and a half at 1:42 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Wordwoman at 1:47 PM on May 22, 2011

Shortly after Soul of a New Machine was published, my Dad -- also a computer manager -- shared it with me, an awkward and somewhat adrift high-schooler, in a transparent attempt to have computers capture my imagination as they had his.

It was a seed. And though it took time to take root, here I am 30 years later, still enthralled by computing technology and the amazing things it's helped us accomplish. More, computers and computing have forged a link between us, Dad and I, that we would not otherwise have.

I owe a genuine debt of gratitude to Tom, and Tracy; and heart-felt condolences to Jessamyn.
posted by deCadmus at 1:48 PM on May 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. ((hugs))
posted by Ruki at 1:52 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry for your loss.
posted by dragonplayer at 1:53 PM on May 22, 2011

We love you, Jessamyn!
posted by clockzero at 1:54 PM on May 22, 2011

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Really sorry to hear the news, jessamyn. Thanks for taking the time to post here. I'm glad you have such strong support -- best wishes to you and your family.
posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 1:55 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry to hear this, jessamyn. Wishing you all the best.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:55 PM on May 22, 2011

{jessamyn}

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(it's been an age since I've read The Soul of a New Machine, but I was quite taken by it)
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:02 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:05 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. Bryan and I send our condolences.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:10 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by juv3nal at 2:12 PM on May 22, 2011

So very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. Be extra kind and gentle with yourself in the coming days and weeks, k?
posted by Lexica at 2:22 PM on May 22, 2011

so sorry. Take care.
posted by toodleydoodley at 2:26 PM on May 22, 2011

I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.
posted by apartment dweller at 2:26 PM on May 22, 2011

Condolences to you and your family, may you all find some peace.


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posted by nenequesadilla at 2:27 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by sgt.serenity at 2:32 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm very sorry, Jessamyn. I read The Soul Of A New Machine the first time many years ago when I was a computer science major in college (and I've read it a couple of more times since), and your dad was one of my heroes.
posted by rain at 2:34 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 2:35 PM on May 22, 2011

jessamyn,

I don't think we've interacted here on the forum, and while I'm fairly new here, I still felt I wanted to offer you my condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by sardonyx at 2:36 PM on May 22, 2011

Condolences
posted by Cranberry at 2:37 PM on May 22, 2011

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts...
posted by quiet coyote at 2:38 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:40 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by calico at 2:43 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. Thinking of you and wishing you well.
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:53 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences, jessamyn. Please be well.
posted by Errant at 2:55 PM on May 22, 2011

I am so very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. I will hold you and all who will miss him in my thoughts.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 2:56 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry for your loss, jessamyn.
posted by Kwine at 2:56 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry to hear this. Be strong, Jessamyn.
posted by dg at 3:01 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry to hear this. My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by Jakey at 3:06 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by sammyo at 3:14 PM on May 22, 2011

Deepest condolences, Jessamyn. I had no idea you were going through this - thanks so much for your help.
posted by jasper411 at 3:14 PM on May 22, 2011

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Deeply, deeply sorry, Jessamyn. Our hearts are with you and your family.
posted by verb at 3:14 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry Jessamyn.
posted by biscotti at 3:20 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by rachaelfaith at 3:26 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry, jessamyn.
posted by tristeza at 3:29 PM on May 22, 2011

Without knowing you personally, Jessamyn, I knew just from the various times that your Dad's name had come up on MeFi that you had, as you say, a complex relationship with him. My first thought at hearing the news of his passing was that the passing of a parent with whom one has a complex relationship can be even more troublesome than usual, so I felt badly for you about that. My second thought was that you seem like exactly the kind of person who would be able to handle such a burden with grace and strength. Your comments on this post make it clear my second thought was exactly right.

I would wish you all the strength and support you need in this difficult time, but I think you already have it, so I will wish you good memories and a peaceful heart.

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posted by Rock Steady at 3:37 PM on May 22, 2011 [6 favorites]

I'm sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 3:39 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by galadriel at 3:46 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss.
posted by Morrigan at 3:47 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by The Michael The at 3:49 PM on May 22, 2011

So very sorry for your and your family's loss, Jessamyn.
posted by Lynsey at 3:49 PM on May 22, 2011

Sad news. My condolences to you.
posted by oneirodynia at 3:53 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry, Jessamyn. I lost my dad in 2008 from heart-related causes shortly after what we all thought was a routine hospital procedure. He was 76, which still seems cruelly young to me, so I am shocked to see your dad died even younger, and even more unexpectedly. The bad news is that you do keep right on missing a beloved parent, but the good news is that the love and affection in the relationship somehow stays alive, like a warm coat you can don whenever the weather gets cold. Needless to say, we are all here for you too. Please take good care of yourself. Thinking of you and your family at this very hard time.
posted by bearwife at 3:55 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. Thinking of you and your family.
posted by questionsandanchors at 4:01 PM on May 22, 2011

Very sorry to hear of your loss Jessamyn. My thoughts are with you.
posted by Elmore at 4:08 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences to you and your family.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 4:08 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

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posted by angiep at 4:15 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry to hear that. Condolences.
posted by gemmy at 4:18 PM on May 22, 2011

Take care of you and yours, Jessamyn. My deepest condolences.

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posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 4:19 PM on May 22, 2011

Thoughts and condolences to you Jessamyn.
posted by meinvt at 4:23 PM on May 22, 2011

Deepest sympathies to you and your family, Jessamyn. Your father was a true talent.
posted by vers at 4:29 PM on May 22, 2011

Along with everyone else, my condolences to you and yours, Jessamyn.
posted by juliplease at 4:38 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences.
posted by vespertine at 4:39 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss.
posted by not.so.hip at 4:42 PM on May 22, 2011

Hugs, jessamyn. So sorry you and your family have to go through this.
posted by gingerbeer at 4:43 PM on May 22, 2011

Much love to you and your family.
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:45 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by eunoia at 4:46 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by virago at 4:50 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by elphTeq at 4:58 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by bluedaisy at 5:04 PM on May 22, 2011

. and *hugs*
posted by Gridlock Joe at 5:13 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm very sorry for your loss.
posted by misozaki at 5:15 PM on May 22, 2011

Deepest condolences. We're out here if you need us.
posted by eriko at 5:16 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry. Hugs and thoughts of comfort to you.
posted by Sassyfras at 5:21 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by VioletU at 5:22 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by scottymac at 5:23 PM on May 22, 2011

Best wishes and best memories.
posted by bonobothegreat at 5:26 PM on May 22, 2011

(hug)
posted by nile_red at 5:27 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by headspace at 5:27 PM on May 22, 2011

My sincerest condolences and warm hugs to you and your family.
posted by theora55 at 5:28 PM on May 22, 2011

sad times. sorry jessamyn.
posted by de at 5:35 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by killdevil at 5:36 PM on May 22, 2011

I wish you the strength you'll need in time ahead.
posted by plinth at 5:52 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. I lost my Dad at 25. I think about him every day and I miss him horribly, and although the pain never completely goes away, it gets better with each passing day.

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posted by 1000monkeys at 5:52 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry, Jessamyn. My sincerest condolences on your loss.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 5:56 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by bwg at 6:02 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry, jessamyn. Hope you're doing OK.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:02 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences on your loss.
posted by paulsc at 6:26 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so sorry to hear about this, jessamyn. He sounds like quite a man. Sending warm wishes and condolences to you in this hard time.
posted by salvia at 6:40 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:57 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by bluesky43 at 7:03 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. My condolences.
posted by ants at 7:03 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences and sympathies.

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posted by ZeusHumms at 7:04 PM on May 22, 2011

Those of you who know me well know that my relationship with my dad was complex, but very solid...

It's more than a little weird when you have a parent who is a public figure, especially when their public persona is at variance from their day to day existence.

I wanted to say, jessamyn, that I have always found your undramatic candor about this relationship, particularly in relevent AskMe questions, to be a model of thoughtful, giving honesty in a community like this. For those many of us out here with similarly complex relationships with loved but fallible family members (and issues of our own learned and/or inherited from the same) you've provided many insights of lasting value, so thank you.

I'm very sorry about your loss.
posted by nanojath at 7:07 PM on May 22, 2011 [14 favorites]

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. Keeping you in my heart.
posted by maloon at 7:17 PM on May 22, 2011

Jessamyn, so very sorry for your loss.
posted by jeanmari at 7:26 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by spinturtle at 7:39 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm so glad you've got that terrific sister to hold on to.

Thank you for sharing your dad with us. Though I can't bring you a cup of milky tea as I'd really like to do in this moment, the sharing you've done here makes many of us feel connected to you in ways we can only hope give you comfort. We get it, a little. You're less alone, a little. Maybe 1000 people appreciating the precious relationship between this remarkable man and you, his remarkable daughter, about equals one cup of milky tea.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:42 PM on May 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by angrycat at 7:49 PM on May 22, 2011

I am sorry for your and your family's loss.

I did not know your father as The Soul of the Machine or even that he was accomplished in his field. I knew of your father from your postings here on this site and I just want to say that regardless of his notoriety, regardless of his significant accomplishments, this boils down to the simple fact that two girls lost their Dad and that sucks.

Knowing one famous person pretty well, I know that the public does lose site of the fact that this person has a life outside of what makes him well known, that he has a family, that he makes mistakes and does dumb things, that he tries real hard not to make mistakes and do dumb things and that he is a father and husband and friend.

While I know nothing about Tom West the engineer, I know that he was a father to two daughters one of whom I sort of think I know from reading here and if a parent can be measured by their offspring, your father was an accomplished man.

Condolences to you, your sister, your mother, and all that loved your father.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:52 PM on May 22, 2011 [5 favorites]

Jessamyn, so sorry for your loss. Your dad, or Kidder's portrayal of him however accurate that was (his "public persona", as you put it), was something of a folk-hero for me.
posted by orthogonality at 7:53 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by jmd82 at 7:56 PM on May 22, 2011

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+ hugs for all those who will be missing him.
posted by notquitemaryann at 8:05 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by crossoverman at 8:09 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by baniak at 8:11 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:28 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Jacqueline at 8:43 PM on May 22, 2011

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Sending you love, Jessamyn. I'm so sorry.
posted by missmary6 at 8:58 PM on May 22, 2011

My best to you Jess.
posted by caddis at 8:59 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm sending kind thoughts and best wishes your way, Jessamyn.
posted by agatha_magatha at 9:13 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by bayani at 9:14 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry Jessamyn, my condolences to you.
posted by Joh at 9:14 PM on May 22, 2011

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Very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. He was clearly an amazing person.
posted by jayder at 9:15 PM on May 22, 2011

Wishing you peace, comfort, and happy memories.
posted by amyms at 9:15 PM on May 22, 2011

[[[[Hug]]]]

<3
posted by schyler523 at 9:16 PM on May 22, 2011

Losing parents is no fun. Wish I could be there to offer in-person hugs.
posted by flabdablet at 9:18 PM on May 22, 2011

My condolences to you and your family. I'm glad your friends are taking good care of you.
posted by mogget at 9:24 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry for your loss.
posted by OolooKitty at 9:28 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm terribly sorry.
posted by Joe in Australia at 9:32 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by 404 Not Found at 9:33 PM on May 22, 2011

Sad news indeed, and my thoughts are with you.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:34 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by mediareport at 9:56 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm really sorry. Losing a parent is a really terrible way to suddenly feel very grown up. I remember well your descriptions of him....not unlike my, now deceased, mum.... its complicated and it's sad. Hugs for you, lots of them.
posted by taff at 9:58 PM on May 22, 2011

Sorry for your loss, I wish you happy memories!
posted by defcom1 at 10:18 PM on May 22, 2011

Very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.

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posted by naoko at 10:22 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 10:38 PM on May 22, 2011

Condolences on your loss, Jessamyn. You're in the thoughts of... pretty much all of us, I think.
posted by ormondsacker at 10:39 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by biochemist at 10:41 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry to hear of your loss. We love you Jessamyn.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:11 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by Anitanola at 11:12 PM on May 22, 2011

So sorry Jessamyn. My condolences.
posted by tracicle at 11:27 PM on May 22, 2011

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posted by emmtee at 11:29 PM on May 22, 2011

Beaming out big hugs. I'm so sorry, Jessamyn.
posted by tangerine at 11:36 PM on May 22, 2011

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's hard, and it's going to be hard for a long time. I wish you comfort in your time of grief, and I hope you can get to the part where the memories, when they bring tears, bring tears of happiness at fond memories.

I am amazed at your strength, and your ability to keep dealing with all of us. There are people closer to you, surely, but I imagine that I speak for most, if not all of us in saying, if you need any help, or a shoulder, or anything, all you have to do is ask.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:38 PM on May 22, 2011

Very sorry for your loss, jessamyn. You and your family are in my thoughts.
posted by deborah at 12:09 AM on May 23, 2011

I hope you're OK, Jessamyn.
posted by pracowity at 12:36 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Infinite Jest at 12:46 AM on May 23, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.

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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:30 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by peacay at 1:37 AM on May 23, 2011

I'm really sorry to hear that. Best wishes to you and your family -- take care.
posted by the cat's pyjamas at 2:45 AM on May 23, 2011

I am so sorry. My condolences.
posted by davar at 3:13 AM on May 23, 2011

My deepest sympathies and condolences.
posted by gryftir at 4:02 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by jlkr at 4:03 AM on May 23, 2011

... --- ... --- .-. .-. -.--
posted by a non e mouse at 4:12 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by gauche at 4:20 AM on May 23, 2011

Condolences on your loss, Jessamyn. Your father sounds like he was a real interesting guy.
posted by Harald74 at 4:30 AM on May 23, 2011

A few years back I wound up talking with a DG vet in the bookshop down here; he mentioned working with your Dad with amusement, reverence, and no small degree of warmth. I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn, and wish you all good things in the days ahead. I'll be dropping the Kidder book into the front window lineup in an hour or so.
posted by Kinbote at 4:59 AM on May 23, 2011

sorry for your loss.
posted by msconduct at 5:21 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Justinian at 5:22 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by dbiedny at 5:27 AM on May 23, 2011

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For pushing that boulder.
posted by odinsdream at 5:47 AM on May 23, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn. He sounds like a really great guy, and you should be as proud of him as I'm sure he was proud of you.
posted by Curious Artificer at 5:51 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Thorzdad at 5:59 AM on May 23, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by CRM114 at 6:06 AM on May 23, 2011

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I am sorry for your loss.
posted by pointystick at 6:09 AM on May 23, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by EvaDestruction at 6:59 AM on May 23, 2011

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A hug to you.
posted by mattbucher at 7:01 AM on May 23, 2011

Very sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like your father was a remarkable person.
posted by TedW at 7:03 AM on May 23, 2011

Good vibes coming your way.
posted by Askr at 7:14 AM on May 23, 2011

You once sent me a note when I was down which cheered me up to no end. and I wish I could return that favor. Until then, please know that your in my thoughts and that you have my sincerest condolences.

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posted by quin at 7:46 AM on May 23, 2011

It's so difficult to lose a parent. My thoughts and condolences are with you and your family. Take care of yourself!
posted by owtytrof at 7:46 AM on May 23, 2011

I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss, Jessamyn.
posted by togdon at 8:03 AM on May 23, 2011

I am so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. I didn't know him, of course, but I'll bet he was an incredible person because, after all, your Dad helped create amazing you.
posted by misha at 8:04 AM on May 23, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 8:15 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Aizkolari at 8:18 AM on May 23, 2011

My best wishes to you and all who continue to care for your family.

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posted by Madamina at 8:23 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by jquinby at 8:28 AM on May 23, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. Be well.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:30 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by white_devil at 8:56 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by rainbaby at 9:14 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by orrnyereg at 9:19 AM on May 23, 2011

So sorry to hear this. Thinking about you and sending you happy thoughts.
posted by chococat at 9:24 AM on May 23, 2011

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Condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by HeyAllie at 9:49 AM on May 23, 2011

I am so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. My condolences to you and your family.
posted by shannonm at 9:54 AM on May 23, 2011

I too am so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by PepperMax at 9:55 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Nanukthedog at 9:59 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by dust of the stars at 10:03 AM on May 23, 2011

I'm so sorry Jessamyn. My thoughts are with you today.

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posted by Lutoslawski at 10:12 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Chrysostom at 10:17 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by wending my way at 10:35 AM on May 23, 2011

Thinking of you. It's hard when your relationship is complicated. Glad to hear your friends and loved ones are taking good care of you.
posted by ifjuly at 10:50 AM on May 23, 2011

You have my condolences as well.
posted by y2karl at 10:50 AM on May 23, 2011

I am so sorry. Take care.
posted by ddaavviidd at 11:17 AM on May 23, 2011

I wish I could bring by some banana bread, and maybe some coffee.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:18 AM on May 23, 2011

Please accept my sincere condolences.
posted by jerseygirl at 11:39 AM on May 23, 2011

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posted by mmascolino at 12:07 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by joe lisboa at 12:08 PM on May 23, 2011

Hang in there jessamyn.
posted by Mister_A at 12:15 PM on May 23, 2011

. We're here for you!
posted by arco at 12:25 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by seventyfour at 12:29 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by dws at 12:52 PM on May 23, 2011

Jessamyn, you and yours are in my thoughts.
posted by MuChao at 12:54 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 1:53 PM on May 23, 2011

I wanted to say, jessamyn, that I have always found your undramatic candor about this relationship, particularly in relevent AskMe questions, to be a model of thoughtful, giving honesty in a community like this.

Agreed.

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posted by epersonae at 1:54 PM on May 23, 2011

I'm sorry, Jessamyn.

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posted by Beardman at 1:59 PM on May 23, 2011

.

I am so sorry.
posted by bjgeiger at 1:59 PM on May 23, 2011

My beloved father in law died over ten years ago (in much the same way, sadly enough). I remember at his funeral how many people came seemingly out of the woodwork to help us grieve and share remembrances. After a few hours, as I realized that there were hundreds of people that had showed up, I got this odd sense of "did he really belong to us and our family?" I can bet that some of those same feelings are magnified in your case because of the public persona effect. I will assure you, not knowing you In Real Life, that yes, he belonged to you, and you to him, and your memories are the best ones if not the only ones. Thinking of your family, and hoping that the memories are fond ones. They last.
posted by norm at 2:13 PM on May 23, 2011

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Jessamyn, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
posted by Polyhymnia at 2:14 PM on May 23, 2011

Oh, Jessamyn. Just saw this today. I am so, so sorry.
posted by zizzle at 2:19 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Allee Katze at 2:19 PM on May 23, 2011

Sorry for your loss Jessamyn.
posted by Majorita at 2:21 PM on May 23, 2011

Condolences.
posted by asok at 2:28 PM on May 23, 2011

Sorry for your loss Jessamyn.
posted by KevCed at 2:28 PM on May 23, 2011

Really sorry to hear it, Jessamyn.
posted by COBRA! at 2:54 PM on May 23, 2011

Really sorry to hear it, Jessamyn. Peace, strength and comfort to you.
posted by ladybird at 2:57 PM on May 23, 2011

My condolences.
posted by Magnakai at 2:57 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by TrialByMedia at 3:31 PM on May 23, 2011

My condolences.

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posted by vorfeed at 3:35 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by ocha-no-mizu at 3:59 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by sueinnyc at 4:19 PM on May 23, 2011

You and your loved ones are in my thoughts.
posted by b33j at 4:20 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by SarahElizaP at 4:29 PM on May 23, 2011

Oh, no. You have my sympathies. Hope family and friends are close by for you.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:29 PM on May 23, 2011

I'm sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by topynate at 5:11 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Lanark at 5:11 PM on May 23, 2011

My condolences, Jessamyn.
posted by SteveInMaine at 5:17 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by klarck at 5:32 PM on May 23, 2011

I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by santaslittlehelper at 5:33 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Alterscape at 6:35 PM on May 23, 2011

Many condolences.
posted by bdave at 6:43 PM on May 23, 2011

My condolences Jessamyn, to you and your family.
posted by dejah420 at 7:42 PM on May 23, 2011

My condolences.
posted by darth_tedious at 8:11 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Reverend John at 8:19 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by JujuB at 8:36 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 9:06 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by freebird at 9:09 PM on May 23, 2011

Wishing you strength and warm memories.
posted by girlhacker at 9:27 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by CrazyLemonade at 9:58 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by joedan at 10:26 PM on May 23, 2011

My condolences.

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posted by Karlos the Jackal at 11:00 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by bananafish at 11:19 PM on May 23, 2011

Been there (very recently). Take care.
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:33 PM on May 23, 2011

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posted by Coaticass at 12:41 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by b1tr0t at 6:45 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by benign at 7:34 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by pahalial at 7:45 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by Sophie1 at 8:43 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by pretzel at 9:10 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:28 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by NailsTheCat at 9:32 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by mrgoat at 9:34 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by never used baby shoes at 9:43 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by ericb at 10:31 AM on May 24, 2011

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posted by sandraregina at 11:56 AM on May 24, 2011

I, too, had a "complex, but solid" relationship with my father. My thoughts are with you.

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posted by MexicanYenta at 12:00 PM on May 24, 2011

I'm so sorry to hear that. Thinking of you, your dad, your family.
posted by mrs. taters at 12:01 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by defenestration at 12:05 PM on May 24, 2011

My sincere condolences.
posted by running order squabble fest at 12:37 PM on May 24, 2011

Condolences to you, Jessamyn.
posted by holgate at 12:59 PM on May 24, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn, and hope your support networks are out in force for you and your family.
posted by ldthomps at 1:18 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by MikeKD at 1:27 PM on May 24, 2011

Just got off the phone with the NYTimes obit writer, so I guess that's happening in the next few days. True techies will appreciate this obit from the Channel Register which uses the word skunkworks a lot. I've had folks around to have dinner with me every night since this happened and as these things go, this is going okay. I really appreciate people's words of support and offers of help or just listening.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:46 PM on May 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

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posted by meerkatty at 2:26 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 3:48 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by pupdog at 4:30 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by Surfurrus at 5:31 PM on May 24, 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessamyn. I'm glad you have people around you to support you right now.
posted by maudlin at 6:43 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by xorry at 6:44 PM on May 24, 2011

So sorry for your trouble kiddo, be good to yourself.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:10 PM on May 24, 2011

So sorry. SoaNM was one of my teenage favorites, and West my hero.
posted by dmd at 8:39 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by fancyoats at 8:57 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by anigbrowl at 9:54 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by dangerousdan at 10:13 PM on May 24, 2011

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posted by acoutu at 10:22 PM on May 24, 2011

Shit, I mean, there's no perfect thing to say here, because losing a parent is shit. I know it because I've lost one.

But I will say that I think your father was incredibly proud of you, and that you've continued his work in the greatest way possible. You've helped to bring technology forward by using it in the best way possible -- helping people connect with each other and with information that can make their lives better.

Thank you for doing all it is that you do. You are loved here, and that should be obvious.
posted by Afroblanco at 1:30 AM on May 25, 2011 [23 favorites]

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posted by wells at 6:15 AM on May 25, 2011

Beautifully said, Afroblanco.
posted by jokeefe at 6:45 AM on May 25, 2011

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posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 6:56 AM on May 25, 2011

Sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. Thinking of you.
posted by steambadger at 7:35 AM on May 25, 2011

I followed a link to one of the pictures in your twitter feed a few days ago of Dad butchering a pig, and spent a pleasant five minutes checking out pics of the old man back in the day. I didn't realize that he'd died.

I'm sorry for your loss.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:45 AM on May 25, 2011

I was also influenced by the Kidder book. I noted that your father found it annoying that people thought they knew him from reading it. That has to be strange, when many people you've never met feel that they've shared part of your life. I have to say I'm guilty of the same, and would liked to have met your father.

I'm sorry for your loss, and can only be amazed at how gracefully you are handling it and the site.
posted by bitmage at 11:02 AM on May 25, 2011

I'm very sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. He sounds like he was a fascinating man.
posted by interrobang at 2:01 PM on May 25, 2011

My deepest condolences to you, Jessamyn.
posted by moira at 2:22 PM on May 25, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn. Be easy on yourself for the next while.
posted by redfisch at 2:33 PM on May 25, 2011

So sorry for your loss, jessamyn.
posted by desuetude at 5:13 PM on May 25, 2011

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posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 5:48 PM on May 25, 2011

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posted by SillyShepherd at 7:17 PM on May 25, 2011

Take care of yourself, Jessamyn. You're an amazing person.
posted by Nabubrush at 9:56 PM on May 25, 2011

Late to the thread, but I just wanted to say I'm so very sorry for your loss.
posted by smirkette at 10:26 PM on May 25, 2011

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posted by SoulOnIce at 3:58 AM on May 26, 2011

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posted by fistynuts at 4:06 AM on May 26, 2011

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posted by arcticseal at 4:56 AM on May 26, 2011

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posted by Dano St at 8:26 AM on May 26, 2011

My condolences.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:28 AM on May 26, 2011

My thoughts are with you.
posted by batonthefueltank at 3:28 PM on May 26, 2011

Wishing your heart peace.

(and I do love the note at the bottom. Right now, *hugs*)
posted by stormpooper at 5:49 PM on May 26, 2011

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posted by lucien_reeve at 5:12 AM on May 27, 2011

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posted by randomination at 11:19 AM on May 27, 2011

Just hearing about this now. My condolences, Jessamyn. No doubt you will weather this with your usual grace and fortitude.

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posted by Heretic at 4:36 PM on May 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Another obit, from the New York Times.
posted by madcaptenor at 10:50 PM on May 27, 2011

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posted by lungtaworld at 12:16 PM on May 28, 2011

Is there anything we can do for jessamyn?
posted by grouse at 12:22 PM on May 28, 2011

Is there anything we can do for jessamyn?

The service was today and it was nice and small and lovely and both Kate and I managed to tell some hilarious story that allowed us to swear a bit which made everyone laugh which was great. His friend who is also a minister and a plumber read some pieces from Bartleby the Scrivener and an Ian and Sylvia song. We're hanging out at my dad's house [which is a few hours from my house and a little over an hour from my sister's house and my boyfriend's house]. We're cooking the roast that my sister and her boyfriend were going to be cooking for my dad this weekend anyhow. I'm in a good place, as these things go. We've found good homes for the pets and are making arrangements for taking care of the house which will be the location of a "Celebration of His Life" sort of thing later in the year. Thanks to the advice of a pal, we set up a 1000memories page which is a good place to point people to who want to share memories or photos (here's the Bill Zeller one, fwiw).

I know this sounds sort of weird and goofy but one of the things that I'd like but can't really do would be to beef up his Wikipedia page with some of his bio info which should be easy to do with the amount of source material now around. [here is WSJ obit which I think is now all of them that I've read] The man leaves a complicated legacy in a lot of ways, but the job-work-info details should be easy to add and cite.

Beyond that, being kind to each other, making your loved ones aware of your life's wishes (my dad did this and it was a mercy at a time like this), maybe nudging someone who is sliding down a bad road of substance abuse to consider making a different choice, getting outside and offline from time to time (we're heading to Horseneck Beach for a walk -- I took an entire day off] and remembering that there's a life beyond the screen. I know this is funny coming from me whose life IS the screen in an awful lot of ways and I can't say I'm making any radical life changes, just that it's nice to get a kick in the ass sometimes to maintain some perspective, so maybe this can be yours.

I know there are people here who I can call on if I really need something, and I'm very very fortunate that right now, I'm pretty well taken care of. Thanks so much everyone.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:31 PM on May 28, 2011 [57 favorites]

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posted by humanfont at 5:52 PM on May 29, 2011

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posted by waldo at 9:58 PM on May 29, 2011

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posted by darsh at 8:10 AM on May 31, 2011

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posted by brainwane at 6:10 AM on June 2, 2011

I especially love the "folk troubador" pictures on the 1000Memories page.
posted by Miko at 6:58 AM on June 2, 2011

There are a lot of those because that was back in the my-mom era so she has a lot of his history from then. The awesomest part is that this was back on the Vineyard where there was a community stage in Chilmark with a guy who had a record-pressing machine and you could get a record made of your performance. My mother has seven of these records and is getting them digitized. I have never heard them.

Also props to 1000memories for having a really nice easy to use "free forever" website which works great for stuff like this, even with a huge group of not-totally-tech-literate people. It's been a blessing to have somewhere to send people to share stuff without having to build and maintain a website myself.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:07 AM on June 2, 2011 [3 favorites]

Listening to those records is going to be pretty wild. Glad your mom kept them.
posted by Miko at 8:33 AM on June 2, 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jessamyn.
posted by min at 4:21 AM on June 20, 2011

For people who are interested or in the area, we're going to do a Celebration of His Life on July 23rd in the afternoon at his (our?) house down in Westport. Informal affair. Contact me for details if you'd like to attend.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:48 AM on June 20, 2011