I would thank you everyone for making this possible

June 24, 2011 2:42 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now five comments away from 10k on the blue.

Let us be joyous together with the hugging and the swaying.

posted by The Whelk to MetaFilter-Related at 2:42 PM (454 comments total)

I'm not really sure this is going to go the way you want it to.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:44 PM on June 24, 2011 [67 favorites]

Pics or it didn't happen.
posted by fuq at 2:48 PM on June 24, 2011

More codeine.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:48 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

The charge for PWI is gonna be at least a couple thousand of those comments.
posted by BeerFilter at 2:48 PM on June 24, 2011

I've been here more than twice as long as you have, Whelk, and I haven't managed to post a third of what you have. Congratulations, you chatty bastard.
posted by crunchland at 2:48 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm on the fence about this post. Not because I'm undecided, but because the fence is out in the field, far away.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:50 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Whelk: He th' kewl.
posted by Segundus at 2:53 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Make 'em count — it's all downhill after 10K.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:54 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

jessamyn: "I'm not really sure this is going to go the way you want it to."

Indeed. A 13th MetaTalk post is an unlucky MetaTalk post!
posted by Rhaomi at 2:54 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hurray for verbosity!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 2:56 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

also holy crap you have more metatalk comments alone than all of my contributions put together despite joining a year later wtf
posted by Rhaomi at 2:56 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Rhaomi: Indeed. A 13th MetaTalk post is an unlucky MetaTalk post!

Especially a Friday the 13th MetaTalk post.
posted by gman at 2:57 PM on June 24, 2011

How special for you.
posted by zennie at 2:57 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Indeed. A 13th MetaTalk post is an unlucky MetaTalk post!

I'd turn this into a roast if I could remember who the Whelk is.
posted by fuq at 2:58 PM on June 24, 2011

Stick the landing!
posted by drezdn at 2:58 PM on June 24, 2011

Just don't buy anyone a giant metal chicken, because then we will have to analyze whether your significant other is secretly abusive.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:00 PM on June 24, 2011 [23 favorites]

It's really quite an accomplishment for a shut-in.
posted by crunchland at 3:03 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Just don't buy anyone a giant metal chicken,

Did that get posted to Metafilter (I can't find it. :C)
posted by drezdn at 3:05 PM on June 24, 2011

That's great.

Wait. What I meant was, who gives a fuck?
posted by eyeballkid at 3:06 PM on June 24, 2011 [11 favorites]

Shit I guess I've been doing it wrong.
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:06 PM on June 24, 2011

It is going poorly because no one knows how to read jokes, I guess.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:06 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

*rubs hands with glee and gojo
posted by clavdivs at 3:06 PM on June 24, 2011

Posts like this are kind of weird.
posted by rtha at 3:08 PM on June 24, 2011 [12 favorites]

Enough is ENOUGH.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:08 PM on June 24, 2011

Secretly?
posted by adamdschneider at 3:08 PM on June 24, 2011

Hurray for verbosity!!!!!

Quite.
posted by quin at 3:08 PM on June 24, 2011

Lurk moar.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 3:11 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

Hey guys, 22 days ago was my 37th and half birthday! I'm 13,718 days old today!
posted by Specklet at 3:15 PM on June 24, 2011 [9 favorites]

Metafilter: It is going poorly because no one knows how to read jokes, I guess.
posted by Diablevert at 3:19 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Happy belated 37th and a half birthday, Specklet! Sorry I missed the actual day!
posted by rtha at 3:20 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

YAY Congrats!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:20 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

WHELK. Y U NO POST IN THIS THREAD?
posted by Splunge at 3:22 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now 36 minutes away from going home.
posted by entropicamericana at 3:23 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

I'm on pins and needles waiting to see if I can marry my freaking Boyfriend of six years already and I'm on a bunch of pills for a sinus infection and they're making me pretty woozy.

Which maybe why I thought this was a good idea in the first place.
posted by The Whelk at 3:24 PM on June 24, 2011 [21 favorites]

I just blew by 6969 favorites! Free oral sex for everybody!
posted by carsonb at 3:25 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

Knock it off.

Nah, I'm just kidding, you're a wonderful man.
posted by grobstein at 3:28 PM on June 24, 2011

Hey buddy, you got any more of those pills? And some rum?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:29 PM on June 24, 2011

Objects in the mirror may be closer than they app- OW! FUCKING MIRROR!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:29 PM on June 24, 2011 [8 favorites]

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Congratulations! You have acquired:

A fat ass!

and

A repetitive stress injury!

Your gamer score and profile has been updated with -3 points to charisma and -5 points to agility.
posted by loquacious at 3:30 PM on June 24, 2011 [21 favorites]

The Whelk: I'm on pins and needles waiting to see if I can marry my freaking Boyfriend of six years already and I'm on a bunch of pills for a sinus infection and they're making me pretty woozy.

Which maybe why I thought this was a good idea in the first place.

While I sincerely hope they pass that bill, the sympathy card doesn't play well here.
posted by gman at 3:30 PM on June 24, 2011

You are all wonderful and deserve all the redily available pharmacology you can stand. I wouldn't be so damn chatty if y'all weren't go interesting and fun.

Unless this vote goes the wrong way In which I am taking all the rum.
posted by The Whelk at 3:31 PM on June 24, 2011

I'm starting to understand why the regular people go out on Fridays.
posted by FelliniBlank at 3:31 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm on pins and needles waiting to see if I can marry my freaking Boyfriend of six years already

Ah, just come down to DC and have MrMoonPie do it. Or his wife (MeFi's own eviltiff). I think the two of them combined must have performed at least a hundred same-sex weddings here.
posted by exogenous at 3:31 PM on June 24, 2011

While I sincerely hope they pass that bill, the sympathy card doesn't play well here.

BUT HE HAS PILLS.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:32 PM on June 24, 2011

The Whelk, I hope your sinus clears up and the NY legislators do the right thing. Meanwhile you obviously excel at MetaFilter-- so you have THAT going for you; it must be a consolation to you during the wee dark hours, knowing that you are a mighty, mighty commenter.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:35 PM on June 24, 2011

So many pills! I do feel pretty good, again which is probably why I was in a happy go post mood so ..yeah.
posted by The Whelk at 3:35 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Congratulations on your impending marriage, man. Hmm. Seems kind of ominous when I put it that way. Must need pills.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:36 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Poppin' pills 'n passin' bills.
posted by gman at 3:36 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

seed spills send cheap thrills
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:39 PM on June 24, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now nine eight comments away from 100 on the grey.

What do I win for that?
posted by bwg at 3:39 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Our eternal gratitude.

*rimshot
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:40 PM on June 24, 2011

You may win a limerick of your choice.
posted by The Whelk at 3:41 PM on June 24, 2011

"WOW! 10,000 COMMENTS, ALL BY THE WHELK!"

"is that someone's dick in a chicken?!"
posted by Rhaomi at 3:43 PM on June 24, 2011 [9 favorites]

What's a whelk.
posted by TheBones at 3:45 PM on June 24, 2011

The Whelk: Winning at metafilter
posted by TheBones at 3:48 PM on June 24, 2011

There is no winning, there is only being excellent to each other.
posted by The Whelk at 3:52 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

That counts me out.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:53 PM on June 24, 2011

It's okay we know you have a horrible machine where yr heart should be.
posted by The Whelk at 3:54 PM on June 24, 2011

Of course, the "Ladies and Gentlemen" bit counted me out, too.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:55 PM on June 24, 2011

I am being excellent to these pills.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:55 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

FREAK OUT AND BREAK SHIT
posted by Mister Fabulous at 3:55 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's a steampunk machine. Brass. Leather. It runs on the souls of the damned. And milk. 2%. Gotta watch my figure.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:56 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

You and orphan-power, man.
posted by The Whelk at 3:58 PM on June 24, 2011

Mmmm! Orphans!

*drools*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:58 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Whelk: "I'm on pins and needles waiting to see if I can marry my freaking Boyfriend of six years already and I'm on a bunch of pills for a sinus infection and they're making me pretty woozy.

Which maybe why I thought this was a good idea in the first place."

Dude. I have half a dozen Vicodins, a pair of jet black Ray-Bans and a Reverend's license. Call me when the hammer falls.
posted by Splunge at 3:59 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

I wasn't joking, Mr. Joykill. Go away.
posted by Splunge at 4:01 PM on June 24, 2011

Jesus Cameron, chillout.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:01 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Dude. I have half a dozen Vicodins, a pair of jet black Ray-Bans and a Reverend's license. Call me when the hammer falls.

Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:02 PM on June 24, 2011 [4 favorites]

There was only one road back to The wedding chapel - U.S. Interstate 1. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Broadway and Barrow and Bedford.
posted by The Whelk at 4:03 PM on June 24, 2011

William Shatner: You know, before I read any more Metas, there's something I wanted to say. Having read all of your comments over the years, and I've responded to some of them, and some of you have commented... y'know... hundreds of times here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a website! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little weblog, that Matt did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!

[ a crowd of shocked and dismayed Mefites.... ]

I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?

[ to "Cortex" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?

[ "Cortex" hangs his head ]

I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't comment on the Internet! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a website dammit, IT'S JUST A WEBSITE!
posted by Ghidorah at 4:04 PM on June 24, 2011 [8 favorites]

haha drug problems are so cute

True story: I am going through withdrawal right now. As I type. From a drug that I was prescribed. That fucked me up. And now fucks me up trying to get off of. I am too sick to drive home from work. Which is why I am typing away.

And I have Vicodin waiting for me when I get home, that will make my already painful stomach squeel like a piggie, but which I dare not skip because... well. Anyway, it's all legal and shit, but it sux.

Nevertheless, my drug problems are, in fact, cute. Sexy, even. Because they are my drug problems, damnit, and everything I do is sexy. It's in my contract.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:06 PM on June 24, 2011 [8 favorites]

Honey badger don't care.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:09 PM on June 24, 2011 [6 favorites]

Here's a toast for the occasion.
posted by y2karl at 4:09 PM on June 24, 2011

It's Raining... good luck with that. I went through the same thing with Vicodin after a couple back surgeries. Mind you, Vicodin did absolutely nothing for me, no pain relief, no fun whatsoever, but when my scrip was finished, I got all the joys of withdrawal. Not a fun time.

Best of luck, and fight through that shit.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:09 PM on June 24, 2011

In the script, it was Dallas.
posted by clavdivs at 4:10 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

In the script, it was Daleks.
posted by The Whelk at 4:11 PM on June 24, 2011

I'm guessing this is currently how you are feeling.
posted by TheBones at 4:16 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I have made my postion clear on Daleks, and I too have a sinus cold and, and, I HOPE YOU GET MARRIED, so make us some soup and someone through up a youtube movie...
MOVIE NIGHT.
posted by clavdivs at 4:16 PM on June 24, 2011

Thanks, Ghidorah! This is Cymbalta. It did help me sleep at night, but the side effects were worse than the nerve pain it helped relieve. I took my last half dose last night, so this weekend is going to suck ass, but next week should be fine. Then it's just back to 2 or 3 nights of sleep a week. Vicodin help somewhat, but not enough. And I always back off a few nights a week to avoid any problems with that. But enough about me. Tonight is about the Whelk! This is no time for me and my motor mouth to comment over and over and over...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:16 PM on June 24, 2011

The Whelk: "You may win a limerick of your choice."

Well I like a good limerick as much as the next man; lay it on me, baby!
posted by bwg at 4:21 PM on June 24, 2011

HOLY FUCK!!! YES, TheBones, YES!!! THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I AM FEELING!!! EXACTLY!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:22 PM on June 24, 2011

THIS IS NOT CANDY MIUNTAIN
posted by The Whelk at 4:23 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

CHARLIEEEEEEE!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:23 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Rev. Splunge.
posted by Splunge at 4:24 PM on June 24, 2011

Friday, 6:24 CST and the kapslock key is ENGAGED,
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:24 PM on June 24, 2011

Well I like a good limerick as much as the next man

Does this "next man" know how strongly you feel about him?
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:26 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

There once was a big white guy
Who fancied a hong kong stir fry

But he picked the wrong vendor
With goods less than tender

Which caused his lunch to go flying.
posted by The Whelk at 4:27 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

If this happens I may have to invite all of Metafilter to the nuptials lest we get into a evil fairy sleeping beauty situation.
posted by The Whelk at 4:28 PM on June 24, 2011

This is my 2527th comment in MetaTalk, and it maintains the proud tradition of contentless comments.
posted by blue_beetle at 4:28 PM on June 24, 2011

d00d - He said he liked a "good" limerick!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:29 PM on June 24, 2011

drunk whelk is the best whelk
posted by elizardbits at 4:32 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

There was an old fellow in Worcester,
Who owned quite a famous game rorcester.

But when it grew old

It had to be sold.
It could not fight as it urcester.
posted by winna at 4:33 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I fear there will always be an asterisk next to my name in the record books.
posted by Trurl at 4:34 PM on June 24, 2011

You do put the as in asterisk.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:35 PM on June 24, 2011

I KID! I KID!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:35 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Rev. Splunge.

I want you to marry me...
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:36 PM on June 24, 2011

You pitched than one low and slow. I had to swing for it. I'm a weak man. Nothing personal. I would have used that one with my own mother.

That's what she said.

See?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:36 PM on June 24, 2011

I am going to post in this thread solely so I can have the pleasure of removing it from my recent activity.
posted by desjardins at 4:39 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Whelk: "There once was a big white guy
Who fancied a hong kong stir fry

But he picked the wrong vendor
With goods less than tender

Which caused his lunch to go flying."

Not perfect, but I give it props for originality: 8/10.
posted by bwg at 4:43 PM on June 24, 2011

10k. Just wow. Congrats on the impending nuptials!
posted by arcticseal at 4:44 PM on June 24, 2011

Hey Whelk! Who's that dude in your profile pic? I've seen it on at least two other profiles...
posted by carsonb at 4:45 PM on June 24, 2011

Hey Whelk! Who's that dude in your profile pic? I've seen it on at least two other profiles...

Makes me want an 8-bit version of the Factory guy.
posted by mykescipark at 4:51 PM on June 24, 2011

That is a photo of one of the armed guards stationed outside Castle Whelkington.
posted by mintcake! at 4:52 PM on June 24, 2011

A moose 8-bit my sister. No, really.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:53 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

If I see a Butt Elephant, does that mean I should discontinue my medications?
posted by killdevil at 4:54 PM on June 24, 2011

I want to post in this thread but I have nothing to say but I guess this is the right place for that sort of thing.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:57 PM on June 24, 2011

I want to post in this thread but I have nothing to say but I guess this is the right place for that sort of thing.

People with something to say are actually discouraged from posting in this thread.
posted by killdevil at 4:59 PM on June 24, 2011

Hey Whelk! Who's that dude in your profile pic? I've seen it on at least two other profiles

Very early after I joined there was a post about taking your name and making it a face and The Whelk threw up that do I just stuck with it and never bothered to change it.
posted by The Whelk at 5:00 PM on June 24, 2011

killdevil: "If I see a Butt Elephant, does that mean I should discontinue my medications?"

No. As your lawyer I advise you to hit the ether.
posted by Splunge at 5:00 PM on June 24, 2011

n00b.
posted by jonmc at 5:01 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love you too Jon.
posted by The Whelk at 5:02 PM on June 24, 2011

The Whelk threw up that

I have never thrown up anything that looked half that good. God knows I've tried. You really are amazing!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:02 PM on June 24, 2011

OH! I was listening to the soundtrack to the Capeman earlier today and laughing my ass off and for some reason thought of the Whelk.

I bet the Whelk LOOOOVES Capeman. I just bet.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:03 PM on June 24, 2011

A moose 8-bit my sister. No, really.

Moose do enjoy biting things, that's for sure.
posted by amy lecteur at 5:03 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

*Wheels giant metal rooster into the thread*

*ducks out*
posted by zarq at 5:03 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

Passive aggressive rooster! Run!
posted by Splunge at 5:05 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I suppose we can run if you really want us to.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:07 PM on June 24, 2011

MeTa: where sick/high/withdrawing Mefites gather.
posted by Cranberry at 5:09 PM on June 24, 2011

It's Raining Florence Henderson: "I suppose we can run if you really want us to."

Hey, don't run for me. But if you really want to. ::sigh::
posted by Splunge at 5:09 PM on June 24, 2011

So 10k is the cutoff, right?
posted by ODiV at 5:10 PM on June 24, 2011

one time i was high AND covered in oatmeal
posted by elizardbits at 5:10 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

It was your idea, Splunge. I said I'd run. If it's that important to you.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:10 PM on June 24, 2011

THE WHELK IS A NOOB?
posted by clavdivs at 5:11 PM on June 24, 2011

Everybody muppet dance!
posted by The Whelk at 5:12 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hmm. Okay, that distracted me, I have to say. Feeling oddly better now.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:12 PM on June 24, 2011

oatmeal
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:12 PM on June 24, 2011

I ordered the bran flakes. But oatmeal is okay. I guess.
posted by Splunge at 5:13 PM on June 24, 2011

unnoobism should be an exception, that would require refund
5$...pussy or dope.
posted by clavdivs at 5:14 PM on June 24, 2011

As long as it's not The Oatmeal we're cool
posted by The Whelk at 5:15 PM on June 24, 2011

Or the Onion?

Onion oatmeal... arrrrrrrrrrr ::drool::
posted by Splunge at 5:17 PM on June 24, 2011

jessamyn: "I'm not really sure this is going to go the way you want it to."

Better than expected.

Bye...
posted by Splunge at 5:19 PM on June 24, 2011

Wait, where'd all the ducks go? zarq‽ The Whelk‽
posted by carsonb at 5:22 PM on June 24, 2011

I thought the duck was a decoy.


I was busy having an argument about cooking rib-eye steak
posted by The Whelk at 5:31 PM on June 24, 2011

Season well. Four minutes per side on an oiled grate. Rest for 10 minutes. Rub the oily meat all over you bodies and...

Wait - I got distracted again.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:33 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

5 min sear on all sides then in the oven at 350 for an hour?

OR HAS ALTON BROWN LIED TO ME AGAIN?
posted by The Whelk at 5:35 PM on June 24, 2011

Yes, he has. Perfection is the enemy of the GET A FUCKING LIFE ALTON!

I do love Alton, though.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:36 PM on June 24, 2011

I ordered the bran flakes. But oatmeal is okay. I guess.

Here are your Bran Flakes.
posted by mintcake! at 5:36 PM on June 24, 2011

On metachat the Friday Night Question is....

#206: Would you be willing to eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000 US?


£25,056.46 UK
$38,131.15 AUS
$39,492.16 CAN
€28,206.75 EUR
¥3,218,847.60 JAP

Having had fried crickets before, I am leaning toward yes. but it depends on the size of the bowl and if there are any digestive juice issues.
posted by The Whelk at 5:40 PM on June 24, 2011

I'd do it for $20. (Yeah, yeah - SAIT) No, really. But not until next week.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:44 PM on June 24, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now five comments away from 10k on the blue.

Make that two.
posted by Sailormom at 5:45 PM on June 24, 2011

YOU CAN DO IT BWG WE BELIEVE IN YOU
posted by The Whelk at 5:46 PM on June 24, 2011

comments away.
posted by Sailormom at 5:46 PM on June 24, 2011

you sunk my battleship
posted by The Whelk at 5:47 PM on June 24, 2011

Your digestive juices, or the crickets'?
posted by Zozo at 5:55 PM on June 24, 2011

The Crickets', people who eat Orotan report the hardest part to get through are the acid juices of the digestive system.
posted by The Whelk at 5:57 PM on June 24, 2011

Well, I asked.
posted by Zozo at 6:00 PM on June 24, 2011

MetaFilter: Your digestive juices, or the crickets'?
posted by Splunge at 6:07 PM on June 24, 2011

MetaFilter: Well, I asked
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:08 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Okay - making a run for the border. Good night, all. Good luck, New York!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:09 PM on June 24, 2011

remember to stuff the stuff under the floor mat
posted by The Whelk at 6:10 PM on June 24, 2011

I've just come into this thread to mention that because of a pronunciation similarity, The Whelk's nickname is now Larry, short for Lawrence.

Please address him in that way from now on.
posted by hippybear at 6:16 PM on June 24, 2011

You're not the College of Arms of me.
posted by The Whelk at 6:19 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is not what that recommendation to try the "couch to 10k" program meant, The Whelk.
posted by FishBike at 6:21 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Whatever, Larry.
posted by loquacious at 6:21 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

I recently passed the 2050 mark. My bad for not making a MetaTalk post to alert everyone. Because I know you all care. Very deeply.
posted by y6y6y6 at 6:22 PM on June 24, 2011

on a very personal level
posted by The Whelk at 6:24 PM on June 24, 2011

And then Quality said to Quantity, "So... we meet again."
posted by juliplease at 6:31 PM on June 24, 2011

Time to celebrate!
Go ahead, you deserve it.
posted by idiopath at 6:32 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ivory straw harvested from the most pedigreed of butt elephants
posted by idiopath at 6:34 PM on June 24, 2011

I saw we summon The Bizarro Whelk and put him in a box with The Whelk and shake it until they get mad and fight each other.
posted by loquacious at 6:39 PM on June 24, 2011

So, I realize everyone's having fun now, but the New York vote is happening now. NY1 is showing it. Good luck to us all!
posted by Mavri at 6:43 PM on June 24, 2011

My Name Is Larry.
posted by Splunge at 6:46 PM on June 24, 2011

Mavri: "So, I realize everyone's having fun now, but the New York vote is happening now. NY1 is showing it. Good luck to us all!"

Thanks. Watching now. Back later.
posted by Splunge at 6:48 PM on June 24, 2011

The Whelk: "YOU CAN DO IT BWG WE BELIEVE IN YOU"

Well, thanks. Here's a limerick in return:

There was a young man called "The Whelk"
With the vigour and vim of an elk
That's all I can say
On this very fine day
Because nothing much rhymes with a large, spiral-shelled, marine gastropod
posted by bwg at 6:49 PM on June 24, 2011 [8 favorites]

LET'S DO THIS NEW YORK.
posted by mintcake! at 6:50 PM on June 24, 2011

ONE COMMENT TO GO WHAT WILL THE BIG COMMENT BE
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:52 PM on June 24, 2011

They passed the amendment. Looks good.
posted by Splunge at 6:54 PM on June 24, 2011

Ruben Diaz Senior can eat shit.
posted by Splunge at 6:55 PM on June 24, 2011

Is that a meth lab or the Whelks' mixing cart.
posted by clavdivs at 6:55 PM on June 24, 2011

It's cute how they call Diaz "the most vociferous opponent" instead of "the most goddamn bigoted homophobe".
posted by elizardbits at 6:55 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

There once was a young man called whelk
who bellowed and brayed like an elk
He pranced and he preened
like a steampunk machine
but his outfits all came straight from Belk.

(Best I could do on short notice.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:55 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

Apparently that was an amendment, not the actual bill. Hold on everybody. (Also, can I just say that Ruben Diaz is a vile human being.)
posted by Mavri at 6:55 PM on June 24, 2011

Shut that fucker up!
posted by Splunge at 6:57 PM on June 24, 2011

If there was any justice in the world at all, he'd be strafed by a flying dildo right now.
posted by elizardbits at 6:58 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Mediaite:

Earlier tonight — just before the New York Same Sex Marriage bill headed to the Senate floor – NY Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell was on NY1, affirming that the yeas did indeed have a 32nd vote. Here is his simple yet incredibly eloquent rationale for same sex marriage:

“It seems very quick to you folks in the media but for me it’s been a long struggle – and [now] a great sense of elation and joy. I think it’s the right thing to do, the majority of New Yorkers think it’s the right thing to do and it’s about time that we treat gay and lesbian couples the same way we treat everyone else.

The first time I debated this bill on the floor I pointed out that two drunk people can get on a plane, fly to Las Vegas, stand in front of an Elvis impersonator and they get to have something that I cannot get from my government. This is not about a seat in your synagogue, it’s not about a pew in your church – this is about a document that the state issues to people, and it issues it every day. And many of my straight colleagues in state government have had this license two or three times. It’s about time that I have the right to have it once.”

posted by zarq at 6:59 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh my god Ruben Diaz fuck you.
posted by mintcake! at 6:59 PM on June 24, 2011

Where is Judge judy when you need her?
posted by Splunge at 6:59 PM on June 24, 2011

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
posted by Splunge at 7:00 PM on June 24, 2011

Politics on the Hudson:

Sen. Stephen Saland said tonight he would vote in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage, giving the Senate the 32 votes necessary to make New York the sixth and largest state in the nation to allow gay couples to marry.

In a statement provided to Gannett’s Albany Bureau, Saland, a Poughkeepsie Republican, said while he voted no in 2009, he has changed his position.

“My intellectual and emotional journey has at last ended,” he said in a statement. “I must define doing the right thing as treating all persons with equality in the definition of law as it pertains to marriage. To do otherwise would fly in the face of my upbringing.”

Saland’s decision assures the bill’s passage. A vote was expected later tonight after Senate Republicans agreed to put the bill on the floor.

Updated: On the Senate floor, Saland spoke about how the bill includes protections for religious organizations, saying he feels comfortable with the language. He voted in favor of the amendment to the bill which provides those protections.

The amendment passed 36-26, but at least one senator, Kemp Hannon, a Republican from Long Island, said he would back the amendment but not the bill.

posted by zarq at 7:01 PM on June 24, 2011

This man is a senator? Fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu...
posted by Splunge at 7:02 PM on June 24, 2011

Where the hell is Belk?
posted by jonmc at 7:03 PM on June 24, 2011

In should not be this hard, in the land of the free, to let people do what the fuck they want.

Especially if I want more pills.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:03 PM on June 24, 2011

Diaz has been against gay marriage from the start. He's been a very vocal opponent. Even though his granddaughter is gay.

The tides have shifted against him, and he's making one last stand.
posted by zarq at 7:04 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

This thread feels wrong to me. Although I do not dislike the Whelk, I often feel as though he is talking a little too much. Some people do not see a problem with that, and for those people a thread started by the talker announcing "hey, everybody, look how much I am talking!" is OK. But hey, whatever, nobody is flaming out and nobody is getting hurt so you kids go on and have your fun.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:04 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

Diaz's little drama to paint himself as a victim of the system is really silly. Also, as a Catholic, it hurts to have him name-drop Archbishop Dolan having coming out (no pun...) against the bill. C'moooonnnn senators....
posted by Zephyrial at 7:05 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I've long known that Diaz was a piece of shit, but I've never actually heard him speak. He was flailing. (Duane shout out to Braschi, woo.)
posted by Mavri at 7:06 PM on June 24, 2011

and nobody is getting hurt

If you'd stand still, we could change that.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:06 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Zephyrial: "Diaz's little drama to paint himself as a victim of the system is really silly. "

Especially since he's used that same system to attempt to force his religious convictions into law every chance he's gotten.
posted by zarq at 7:07 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Rooster! I mean, duck!
posted by Splunge at 7:08 PM on June 24, 2011

Okay, shut up Duane.
posted by Splunge at 7:09 PM on June 24, 2011

GOP "YES" votes on chapter amendment: Alesi, Grisanti, Hannon, Marcellino, McDonald, Saland and Skelos.
posted by zarq at 7:09 PM on June 24, 2011

Splunge: "192Rooster! I mean, duck!"

FIVE FOOT METAL COCK.



What?
posted by zarq at 7:10 PM on June 24, 2011

We can be heroes, just for one day!
posted by Splunge at 7:11 PM on June 24, 2011

Hey everyone, I just got a blowjob. If it was from another MeFite can I make a MeTa about it?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:12 PM on June 24, 2011 [4 favorites]

I love Duane to bits but OH MY GOD he is such a goddamn rambler. INDEX CARDS DUDE. INDEX CARDS.
posted by elizardbits at 7:12 PM on June 24, 2011

Splunge: "Okay, shut up Duane."

He's the only openly gay NYS Senator. He's also HIV+. Telling his coming out story.

I'm glad he's speaking.
posted by zarq at 7:12 PM on June 24, 2011

2 more speakers then the vote.
posted by Splunge at 7:12 PM on June 24, 2011

Brandon Blatcher: "Hey everyone, I just got a blowjob. If it was from another MeFite can I make a MeTa about it?"

Please.
posted by Splunge at 7:13 PM on June 24, 2011

Hey everyone, I just got a blowjob. If it was from another MeFite can I make a MeTa about it?

Pics or it never happened.
posted by hippybear at 7:14 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

zarq, I love Duane to pieces, but I'm dieing for the vote.No disrespect intended, k?
posted by Splunge at 7:14 PM on June 24, 2011

I'm gonna post it to Proejcts.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:14 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Splunge, I know. Me too!!!!




And good for Grisante. Catholic, but following his heart to vote yes.
posted by zarq at 7:16 PM on June 24, 2011

WOOT!
posted by Splunge at 7:17 PM on June 24, 2011

STOP RECESSING
posted by The Whelk at 7:18 PM on June 24, 2011

Brandon Blatcher: I'm gonna post it to Proejcts.

Use some splunge, it'll stick better.
posted by gman at 7:18 PM on June 24, 2011

Hey now. well.... okay.
posted by Splunge at 7:18 PM on June 24, 2011

The Whelk: "STOP RECESSING"

The water was cold.
posted by Splunge at 7:19 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't understand why the gays want to threathen my marriage. What'd we ever do to them? Now there they are, 900 miles, just taunting the nation with their filthy desire to be happy. WELL FUCK THAT, you can't have it.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:20 PM on June 24, 2011

I am pleased that of the 4 threads I have open right now, 3 are about gay marriage and 1 is about a giant metal cock. WELL DONE INDEED, INTERNETS.
posted by elizardbits at 7:21 PM on June 24, 2011 [8 favorites]

You better check your list of spouses, Brandon, because I know I'm not the only homo on it! YOU ARE ALREADY GAY MARRIED!

*evil laugh*
posted by rtha at 7:22 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

Saland's statement on why he's voting yes.
posted by zarq at 7:22 PM on June 24, 2011

You feel that? That chill? Yeah, it's the winds of change.

Or Big Gay Al, whatever.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:23 PM on June 24, 2011

Someone please go down to Stonewall for me as I am ill and unable to cheer/and or break shit.
posted by The Whelk at 7:24 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

elizardbits: "I am pleased that of the 4 threads I have open right now, 3 are about gay marriage and 1 is about a giant metal cock. WELL DONE INDEED, INTERNETS."

Aaaaand my work here is done. :D
posted by zarq at 7:24 PM on June 24, 2011

it is already a madhouse out there, no one will notice if you are all hopped up on sudafed.
posted by elizardbits at 7:24 PM on June 24, 2011

Someone please go down to Stonewall for me...

PHRASING.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:25 PM on June 24, 2011

The antici........................pation is killing me.
posted by Splunge at 7:25 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I know what he is saving that 10000 comment for
i will memail zarq with my prediction
posted by clavdivs at 7:26 PM on June 24, 2011

please post wedding pics
posted by NoraReed at 7:26 PM on June 24, 2011

Wallace Shawn?
posted by Splunge at 7:27 PM on June 24, 2011

YOU ARE ALREADY GAY MARRIED!

Impossible, President Clinton took up arms and defended marriage for those who also want to get married.

Then he want and played with a cigar.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:27 PM on June 24, 2011

Carl Krueger votes yes? Good for you, Mr. Indictment!
posted by zarq at 7:28 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wah fucking HOOOOOO!
posted by Splunge at 7:29 PM on June 24, 2011

oh my fucking god
posted by elizardbits at 7:30 PM on June 24, 2011

Fucking in the streets!
posted by Splunge at 7:30 PM on June 24, 2011

FULL AND EQUAL RIGHTS TO THOSE LOVABLE CHARACTERS THE GAYS
posted by The Whelk at 7:30 PM on June 24, 2011

Safely, of course.
posted by Splunge at 7:30 PM on June 24, 2011

WOOOOO!!!!! 33-29!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by zarq at 7:31 PM on June 24, 2011

Grats, Whelk.
posted by Splunge at 7:31 PM on June 24, 2011

Fucking in the streets!

Whatever, that's a slow Tuesday night around here. I want to see someone fuck a street, now that would be something.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:31 PM on June 24, 2011

Never been prouder of my State Senate.

Hell, I've never been proud of 'em period. Good for them!
posted by zarq at 7:31 PM on June 24, 2011

I will do your wedding. Free. Seriously.
posted by Splunge at 7:32 PM on June 24, 2011

FULL AND EQUAL RIGHTS TO THOSE LOVABLE CHARACTERS THE GAYS

THAT'S FOR RUINING MY MARRIAGE, YOU EQUAL RIGHTS WANTING SON OF BITCH.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:33 PM on June 24, 2011

I am so seriously proud of my state now. And NY as well.
posted by Splunge at 7:33 PM on June 24, 2011

Coverage: Daily News
posted by zarq at 7:35 PM on June 24, 2011

*faints*
posted by rtha at 7:35 PM on June 24, 2011

ATTENTION LADIES OF NEW YORK: I AM GOING TO DRUNKENLY MAKE OUT WITH LIKE ALL OF YOU THIS WEEKEND
posted by elizardbits at 7:37 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

I'm gonna have SO MUCH fun attending a bunch of awesome weddings now. :D
posted by zarq at 7:37 PM on June 24, 2011

I have neither the time nor the energy to care about this... but, congrats... and...who the fuck cares!
posted by tomswift at 7:38 PM on June 24, 2011

Oh hey, cool. I'm moving to New York state tomorrow.

I expect a wedding invite, Whelkie.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:38 PM on June 24, 2011

i mean technically i was going to do that anyway BUT STILL
posted by elizardbits at 7:38 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh good I always wanted a rice cooker PhoB.
posted by The Whelk at 7:40 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love weddings. *snif*
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:41 PM on June 24, 2011

Someone please go down to Stonewall for me as I am ill and unable to cheer/and or break shit.

I'm 500 miles away, in another country, and straight. And I wish I could be there right now so I could smile at everyone and give the thumbs-up sign. Someone please go be there on behalf of all of us who are there in spirit.
posted by FishBike at 7:41 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

Ok, what's next?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:42 PM on June 24, 2011

Cuomo entered the chamber after the vote. To Cheers. Here's a shot of him congratulating Tom Duane, who sponsored the bill.

The governor will give remarks at 11:15, at which point I assume he'll sign it into law.
posted by zarq at 7:43 PM on June 24, 2011

number 10,000.

Well played, sir.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:43 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

Lets have a playlist!

Chapel Of Love

When My Boy

Save The Last Dance For Me
posted by The Whelk at 7:43 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

tacos, i think
posted by elizardbits at 7:43 PM on June 24, 2011

One always has a sense of OCCASION Mr. Rancher.
posted by The Whelk at 7:44 PM on June 24, 2011 [3 favorites]

ATTENTION LADIES OF NEW YORK: I AM GOING TO DRUNKENLY MAKE OUT WITH LIKE ALL OF YOU THIS WEEKEND

If you were here in SF you could come to Dolores Park for Dyke March tomorrow and we're having a meetup and I'm making bacon jam. SO THERE.

Also, if you see my wife, who is in NYC this weekend, I guess making out is okay but marriage is RIGHT OUT as we are already married. A lot.
posted by rtha at 7:46 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

Brandon Blatcher: "Ok, what's next?"

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!
posted by Splunge at 7:48 PM on June 24, 2011

But what about MY marriage?! How can I defend it against this?! WHO'S GOING TO SPEAK FOR THE MAJORITY?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:50 PM on June 24, 2011

The wives?
posted by Splunge at 7:51 PM on June 24, 2011

It's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to start again
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:51 PM on June 24, 2011 [4 favorites]

Oh baby ...tunnel of love
posted by The Whelk at 7:52 PM on June 24, 2011

The wives?

That's not in God's plan.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:52 PM on June 24, 2011

bacon jam

:O

IS THIS A DELICIOUS MARMALADE SUBSTANCE MADE FROM THE FRUITS OF THE BACONTREE
posted by elizardbits at 7:53 PM on June 24, 2011

Who asked Him?
posted by Splunge at 7:53 PM on June 24, 2011

on June 24 [+] You hit your favorite limit for the day. [!]

Dammit!
posted by zarq at 7:54 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

on June 24 [+] You hit your favorite limit for the day. [!]

Yes, we were definitely wondering about that.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:55 PM on June 24, 2011

I favorited that just to mock you, zarq.
posted by Zozo at 7:56 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

An old Catholic woman is praying. Oh Mary, Mother of God hear my prayer.

I hear you, my daughter.

Who is this?

This is Jesus.

Hey why you interrupt? I'm talking to your mamma!
posted by Splunge at 7:57 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

More playlists

And then he

I need your

Ride a white

Tell Him
posted by The Whelk at 7:58 PM on June 24, 2011

Zozo: "I favorited that just to mock you, zarq."

LOL
posted by zarq at 7:58 PM on June 24, 2011

Well congrats to all. Off to play Portal 2. Today was a good day.
posted by Splunge at 8:00 PM on June 24, 2011

I'm pretty sure that verbal abuse over the internet just makes The Whelk's hair, beard and fashion sense grow stronger and more fabulous.
posted by loquacious at 8:01 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

loq, the thread is now about dancing around to this like you're giddy on helium and lotus blossom.
posted by The Whelk at 8:05 PM on June 24, 2011

(and yes it does it toaly does)
posted by The Whelk at 8:05 PM on June 24, 2011

I was always partial to Frank Zappa's love songs:

Fountain of Love
Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance
posted by Rory Marinich at 8:06 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

(oh god it just hit me I'm gonna get phone calls from every. single. one. of my female realatives tomorrows. I'm the only nephew in marrying age wit a stable partner, oh god oh god)
posted by The Whelk at 8:08 PM on June 24, 2011 [5 favorites]

starts AskMe, how can I eplode with the internet? details inside
posted by The Whelk at 8:09 PM on June 24, 2011

IS THIS A DELICIOUS MARMALADE SUBSTANCE MADE FROM THE FRUITS OF THE BACONTREE

Yes! (scroll down)
posted by rtha at 8:18 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'd like to mention I'm registered at Freeman's Sporting Club
posted by The Whelk at 8:21 PM on June 24, 2011

IT BEGINS
posted by The Whelk at 8:25 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

MOUNT BACON
posted by loquacious at 8:28 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, Civil Rights AND a new season of True Blood? This is like the rest weekend ever.
posted by The Whelk at 8:28 PM on June 24, 2011

Whelk, This is your happening, and it freaks ME out!
posted by Nabubrush at 8:38 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

My dear spouse, The Whelk, I bask in the proxy glory of your 10000 comments. I also bask in the hope of more proxiferous matrimony.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 8:39 PM on June 24, 2011

Also, is this where another one of them spousing things happens? Because I didn't get in on any of that, and who doesn't want to get s(p)oused?
posted by Nabubrush at 8:43 PM on June 24, 2011

MARRY

EVERYBODY
posted by The Whelk at 8:44 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I Do.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 8:48 PM on June 24, 2011

EVERYBODY
posted by shakespeherian at 8:49 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

I did
posted by Sailormom at 8:50 PM on June 24, 2011

Nububrush, you have been spoused. It's up to you to take care of the soused part.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 8:50 PM on June 24, 2011

I DO I DO I DO
posted by The Whelk at 8:51 PM on June 24, 2011

Thank you!

The Whelk, I hope that it isn't inappropriate that the first person I spoused (here), and on this auspicious occasion, was you.
posted by Nabubrush at 8:56 PM on June 24, 2011

that earns you at least two slots on the dance card
posted by The Whelk at 8:57 PM on June 24, 2011

Shall I wear the plum pants?
posted by shakespeherian at 9:00 PM on June 24, 2011

loq, the thread is now about dancing around to this like you're giddy on helium and lotus blossom.

OK, but I'm going to need a copy of that dress and two or three of whatever it is you're drinking and/or smoking.
posted by loquacious at 9:07 PM on June 24, 2011

I am high on life.

And pills. Very ..very powerful pills.
posted by The Whelk at 9:08 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

Because it has to be done...no, really, it does.
posted by bakerina at 9:10 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Whelk: " starts AskMe, how can I eplode with the internet? details inside "

What a wonderful word, eplode. Sounds like what the aforementioned female relatives will do if you do.
posted by galadriel at 9:19 PM on June 24, 2011

Bless your heart.
posted by empyrean at 9:22 PM on June 24, 2011

This is where we trot out obscure references to long past threads, right? No?
posted by empyrean at 9:22 PM on June 24, 2011

We've been hoped tonight.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 9:30 PM on June 24, 2011

jessamyn: "I'm not really sure this is going to go the way you want it to."

Looks like it went exactly the way he wanted it to more or less.
posted by -->NMN.80.418 at 9:41 PM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is where we trot out obscure references to long past threads, right? No?

Would you please shut the fuck up? You're 100% noise!
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:41 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]

THAT WAS A REFERENCE, NOT AN ACCUSATION
posted by Rory Marinich at 9:42 PM on June 24, 2011

I'm not sure if I feel more pathetic for only having posted 5k comments, or less so.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:11 PM on June 24, 2011

So you'll shortly be releasing your self-published title, The 10,000 Whelks, I presume.
posted by troll at 10:13 PM on June 24, 2011

Huh.

Quality over quantity seems like a nobler goal to shoot for, but who am I to judge?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:14 PM on June 24, 2011

Where the hell is Belk?

Here.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 10:48 PM on June 24, 2011

::looks around::

And not a recipe in sight. Wow.

::runs away::
posted by Splunge at 11:08 PM on June 24, 2011

I'm here for the nitrous oxide tanks, Mr. June sent me.
posted by clavdivs at 11:25 PM on June 24, 2011

You are now four comments away from 10,000, in the opposite direction.
posted by Eideteker at 11:33 PM on June 24, 2011

Having done the math, my favorite ratio is still superior, and so I can without jealousy offer my sincere congratulations.
ACCHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
posted by Navelgazer at 11:39 PM on June 24, 2011

Man, I just realized that in about six months time I'm going to hit my 10 year metafilter birthday... Crazy. I'll have to throw a meetup or something.
posted by kaibutsu at 12:15 AM on June 25, 2011

And in those ten years, I've managed 1651 comments in the blue. The Whelk obviously works much harder than I.
posted by kaibutsu at 12:16 AM on June 25, 2011

Eideteker: "You are now four comments away from 10,000, in the opposite direction."

I wish I could whippit out for you. But it's late. Next time though.
posted by Splunge at 12:25 AM on June 25, 2011

Oops. Missed the clavdivs comment by one line. Nevermind.
posted by Splunge at 12:26 AM on June 25, 2011

And in those ten years, I've managed 1651 comments in the blue. The Whelk obviously works much harder than I.

For certain values of "work".
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:56 AM on June 25, 2011

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, metafilter
posted by joannemullen at 1:11 AM on June 25, 2011 [6 favorites]

A naked bearded man and two Whelks.
(contains peen, do not observe at the office unless you work at the peen store.
A lot of peen.
Well, one.)
posted by Sallyfur at 1:17 AM on June 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

Somehow one and a lot all at the same time.
posted by Nabubrush at 1:51 AM on June 25, 2011

me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, metafilter --- well, you can't make "metafilter" without "milf."
posted by crunchland at 3:43 AM on June 25, 2011

Sallyfur once again poves rule 34 is universal and unbreakable.
posted by The Whelk at 3:57 AM on June 25, 2011

How do I get a job at the peen store?
posted by NoraReed at 3:59 AM on June 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

You're Whelkome!
posted by panboi at 4:07 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

The peen is mightier than the sword
posted by The Whelk at 4:12 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Whelk: "The peen is mightier than the sword"

Especially when it's a ball peen hammer.
posted by bwg at 5:18 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WOULD YOU PLEASE GO AWAY ALREADY
posted by rocketman at 5:40 AM on June 25, 2011

In fact, I don't have jack shit to do this Saturday, I bet I can get to ten thousand comments here in the gray if I put my mind to it.
posted by rocketman at 5:43 AM on June 25, 2011

Except I'd rather just go back to lurking.

BYE
posted by rocketman at 5:45 AM on June 25, 2011

The Whelk posts almost as much as my mother talks.
posted by theredpen at 5:48 AM on June 25, 2011

This is supposed to be a joyous time for celebration and a reminder of what all MeFites can aspire to achieve. Just because you have nothing inspirational to offer humanity doesn't mean that you should ruin the occasion for others.
posted by gman at 6:45 AM on June 25, 2011

gman has pills too!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:09 AM on June 25, 2011

I'm not ruining anything! I listen to/read everything!
posted by theredpen at 7:27 AM on June 25, 2011

I think all posts above 10,000 on metafilter should be like that Shirley Jackson story. You know, the one that they make kids read, and really the only Shirley Jackson story anyone knows (even Shirley Jackson can't name another story she's written). Instead of an amusement park ride that goes terribly wrong, sending some poor schmuck through the air to his death, with each post you trigger an algorithm that may or may not send an electronic pulse through your keyboard killing you where you sit. Then people can say, "Well, at least he died happy." Or "He died doing something he loved." Or "Can you believe he wasted the final moments of his life on metefilter? What a dumb ass. Who did he think he was, delmoi?" Or "What's a metafilter?"

I suppose if fishbike and pb can't whip something like this up we'll just have to do it the manual way. Throw darts at a printout of the infodumb and assemble a band of merry droogs to come give those above 10,000 comments a bit of ultraviolence.

This would raise the stakes and make approaching 10,000 comments a significant event. You would perhaps think a bit more about each one, and as that horizon approached you would perhaps begin to comment less and less until people wondered where you went and having 20,000 comments would be real cool. As it is now 10,000 comments is about a third of what delmoi has. Not special at all.

In case it's not clear the above is a pony request.

Oh yeah, "The Lottery!"
posted by cjorgensen at 8:04 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

I once bought a book of short stories by Shirley Jackson.

I was pretty disappointed.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:14 AM on June 25, 2011

There are at least three hardcore "We Have Always Lived In The Castle" fans in this thread.
posted by The Whelk at 8:16 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Wouldn't it be funny if when you posted your 10000th comment, it actually triggered the big red button? And then you get an email from Matt that says lol/jk welcome back but all your comment totals are reset to zero.
posted by Sailormom at 8:18 AM on June 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

I once bought a book of short stories by Shirley Jackson.

Try her novels, Raising Demons and Life Among the Savages. They're about family life and dryly hilarious.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:20 AM on June 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

And it's always fun to go from the "Light sketches of domestic life"books to the "chilling depictions of mental breakdowns and agoraphobia" ones.
posted by The Whelk at 8:23 AM on June 25, 2011

even Shirley Jackson can't name another story she's written

WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE is a better book than any other book that calls itself a book.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:03 AM on June 25, 2011 [3 favorites]

St Alia, trust me-- you will love Raising Demons because it is all about her life as a mom raising 4 kids back in the 40's. She writes about the minutia of daily life such as trying to shop with young children in tow, hand-me-down clothes, and refrigerators on the blink.

I adore Shirley Jackson. I don't love everything she ever wrote, but I love that she was brave enough to write in the first place-- a humble housewife married to a college professor. She died too young at 48and I always feel sad when I remember that.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:06 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Looked at an excerpt....been there, done that. She is truly skilled at writing horror. ;-)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 9:31 AM on June 25, 2011

The Haunting of Hill House is is by Jackson. It is such a terrifying book that I was glad I read it while I was sitting in the library, because I was too scared to go anywhere for a couple of hours. I just sat in the library very still and tried to breathe.
posted by winna at 9:31 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Who was holding my hand?
posted by The Whelk at 9:35 AM on June 25, 2011 [3 favorites]

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:38 AM on June 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

10000 Comments is just like getting your 10th prestige in COD. Only more useless.
posted by seanyboy at 9:56 AM on June 25, 2011

Whelk, you should consider the all-MeFite party band extraordinaire Flags Lack Nuance for the inevitable post-wedding freak-out.
posted by mintcake! at 10:02 AM on June 25, 2011

Hrm. It's apparently morning, but I don't remember last night. I'm naked and hungry. Where are my pants?
posted by loquacious at 10:17 AM on June 25, 2011

You waltzed so hard you broke it, all of it. There is no more waltzing. This is the end of waltz.
posted by The Whelk at 10:22 AM on June 25, 2011

Well, apparently two whelks in the hand is worth one giant dong in the wind. What the fuck is that guys day job? A tripod? Geoduck impersonator?
posted by loquacious at 10:24 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Gah! Not so loud! You really shouldn't sneak up on people like that!
posted by loquacious at 10:24 AM on June 25, 2011

I was just couching down in the shadows in my all black velvet Marriage Robe and sound absorbing slippers.
posted by The Whelk at 10:26 AM on June 25, 2011

Finally a thread to write something friendly about The Whelk and it goes on and on about things I have no idea of. Ahwell, honey badger indeed don't care.
Hi The Whelk. And yayy for the sound absorbing slippers.
posted by Namlit at 10:47 AM on June 25, 2011

I only have 2000 comments, but they are lions.
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:16 AM on June 25, 2011

Hey, did anyone mention that you also have 666 answers on AskMeta? That's a little freaky. (or is the freaky part that I looked??)
posted by bquarters at 12:35 PM on June 25, 2011

why was I not informed I could trade comments in predatory beasts?
posted by The Whelk at 12:42 PM on June 25, 2011

oh shit I do?

I can never answer anything again.
posted by The Whelk at 12:42 PM on June 25, 2011

why was I not informed I could trade comments in predatory beasts?

public safety
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:20 PM on June 25, 2011

Beware of the leopard-print house slippers.
posted by loquacious at 4:12 PM on June 25, 2011

The only real danger is when I take them off.
posted by The Whelk at 4:16 PM on June 25, 2011

He said slippers!

Also, I feel bad for making the Shirley Jackson joke above now. I didn't know she was dead.

To assuage my guilt I have ordered "We Have Always Lived In The Castle." I often punish myself with books.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:49 PM on June 25, 2011

DAMN
posted by clavdivs at 4:50 PM on June 25, 2011

I had a ruby slipper joke but no, cj has shirley jackson going with a rejoiner.
posted by clavdivs at 4:51 PM on June 25, 2011

Whatever, Larry.
posted by loquacious at 5:47 PM on June 25, 2011

I am so not a Larry.

I was almost a Donald tho, thank god for last-second beatle tunes on the radio.
posted by The Whelk at 5:48 PM on June 25, 2011

Lucy?
posted by Sailormom at 5:51 PM on June 25, 2011

Donald, loquacious has your
trow-sers.

steve and eydie, man, steve and eydie.
posted by clavdivs at 5:54 PM on June 25, 2011

ALE!
posted by clavdivs at 5:58 PM on June 25, 2011

FINEST WINE FOR THE EMPEROR
posted by The Whelk at 6:23 PM on June 25, 2011

To assuage my guilt I have ordered "We Have Always Lived In The Castle."

Yay! Let me know what you think. For serious!
posted by shakespeherian at 6:37 PM on June 25, 2011

The fact this temporarily evolved into a Shirley Jackson lovefest makes me gay marry metafilter even harder.
posted by supercrayon at 7:22 PM on June 25, 2011

you just wanted your cup of stars.
posted by The Whelk at 8:02 PM on June 25, 2011

Unicorns and cannonballs,
palaces and piers,
Trumpets, towers, and tenements,
wide oceans full of tears,
Flags, rags, ferry boats,
scimitars and scarves,
Every precious dream and vision
underneath the stars

You climbed on the ladder
with the wind in your sails
You came like a comet
blazing your trail
Too high
too far
Too soon
posted by Sailormom at 8:10 PM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Sailormom mooned me!
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:49 PM on June 25, 2011

Wait temporarily? We aren't having the Shirley Jackson lovefest anymore?
posted by shakespeherian at 9:21 PM on June 25, 2011

What are you talking about? Books? Is this another one your fancies? Really I don't understand it one bit.
posted by The Whelk at 9:42 PM on June 25, 2011

Larry the Whelk and his bubble-blowing orchestra.
posted by hippybear at 9:58 PM on June 25, 2011

bubble
posted by The Whelk at 10:19 PM on June 25, 2011

Lawrence Whelk? What!?

thenkyew thenkyew
posted by not_on_display at 10:43 PM on June 25, 2011

Is this something I would need to read books to understand?
posted by Zed at 10:57 PM on June 25, 2011

wunnerful
posted by jonmc at 5:42 AM on June 26, 2011

hey! look at me! LOOK AT ME!
posted by msconduct at 6:45 AM on June 26, 2011

Oh! The Waterboys. <3
posted by Glinn at 6:57 AM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

and now welcome the Dayton Family performing thier hit 'Chevy'
posted by clavdivs at 7:09 AM on June 26, 2011

Hey! Over here! /navi
posted by The Whelk at 7:34 AM on June 26, 2011

This is literally the stupidest thing you've ever done. Yes including the thing in Budapest.
posted by The Bizzaro Whelk at 9:23 AM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Love that song hard. "I saw the rain-dirty valley — you saw Brigadoon!"
posted by Lexica at 9:25 AM on June 26, 2011

This is literally the stupidest thing you've ever done.

I have confidence that you can top this.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:42 AM on June 26, 2011

msconduct: "hey! look at me! LOOK AT ME!"

No.
posted by Splunge at 10:14 AM on June 26, 2011

Love that song hard. "I saw the rain-dirty valley — you saw Brigadoon!"

What is it about that song? It's so wistful and full or regret, and yet such a joyous celebration of life all at once. That line in particular says so much about an individual's outlook, and how it can shape their whole world, and I can relate. I've always imagined that it's a reference to The Valley (Obscured by Clouds) which is on the whole, a bleak and dour undertaking, and kind of where I used to live in my head when I was a morose kid. There's a peculiar beauty and power in the way he summarizes those polarities of thought and vision that makes me positively ecstatic at times. I listened to it again on the headphones last night, and just about wept. Music is a funny thing.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:23 AM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

you just wanted your cup of stars.

my god.... it's full of stars...
posted by kaibutsu at 10:34 AM on June 26, 2011

I am twelve eleven MeTa comments away from joining the triple-quadruple club.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:43 AM on June 26, 2011

Because they all lived on an island
That rose up from the sea.
And everybody on the island
Was somebody from TV.
And there was a beautiful view
But nobody could see.
Cause everybody on the island
Was saying: Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
posted by The Whelk at 10:46 AM on June 26, 2011 [5 favorites]

Language Is A Virus
posted by hippybear at 2:37 PM on June 26, 2011

Seaon Four of True Blood is starting in like an hour so that's what I'll be talking about, here.
posted by The Whelk at 5:03 PM on June 26, 2011

No, you can not have a Lafayette and Jon Snow crossover.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:08 PM on June 26, 2011

NO ONE EVER LETS ME HAVE ANY FUN
posted by The Whelk at 5:13 PM on June 26, 2011

+-------------------------------------------------+
|                                                 |
| T H I S   C O U P O N   G O O D   F O R   O N E |
|                                                 |
|                      F R E E                    |
|                                                 |
|                       F U N                     |
|                                                 |
+-------------------------------------------------+

offer not valid in Texas
posted by not_on_display at 5:23 PM on June 26, 2011 [10 favorites]

so i just went to take out my trash before true blood HOORAY TRUE BLOOD and there is like a 10-person bateria on the street right outside my house and maybe 1,500 shrieking people

don't they understand it is almost time for ERIC NORTHMAN wtf
posted by elizardbits at 5:34 PM on June 26, 2011

oh and due to my abject bestartlement i appear to have brought the trash back upstairs by accident

wtf self
posted by elizardbits at 5:37 PM on June 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

I AM CASHING IN MY CARD FOR TRUE BLOOD FUN.

I have the inwe and burgers LAID OUT.

LET'S DO THIS.
posted by The Whelk at 5:38 PM on June 26, 2011

wine not inwe.

inwe also sounds cool.
posted by The Whelk at 5:38 PM on June 26, 2011

i ripped my coupon can i have another
posted by TwelveTwo at 5:51 PM on June 26, 2011

FUCK YOU TIME WARNER CABLE i want my stupid hbo go
posted by elizardbits at 5:55 PM on June 26, 2011

this thread isn't about YOU.
posted by gman at 5:58 PM on June 26, 2011

splunge: >wah!<
posted by msconduct at 6:14 PM on June 26, 2011

... in some cosmic coincidence, as I was reading the chicken-fucking allusions above, my Congo African Grey parrot just said, "Hahaha, haters, stop fuckin' that bird. HAHAHA. Dumb bird."

(disclaimer: he throws together any words we say to him with anything he hears when we're trash-talking during a video game, and often enough they make sense grammatically. We never actually say "dumb bird" to him, though now it occurs to me that we say nicer things to our bird than the friends we have over to play video games. Hmm.)

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is congratulations The Whelk? I think?
posted by Nattie at 7:00 PM on June 26, 2011 [2 favorites]

okay so TRUE BLOOD SPOILERS:


Wow that is one day to deal with the slow pace of your show- and I admire that. Also, good on Sookie for being genre savvy enough to NEVER EAT THE FAERIE FOOD.

Oh Jessica and Hoyt, I do not know what to think of you but the Tommy thing is SO wedged in it is not even funny. But we got Pams. So much Pams. And PAM AND JESSICA. I would watch them have scary girl talk forever.

So ....what happened to Sophie Ann cause ...cause Bill has taken over that portfolio

Oh TARA. Well after three seasons of naked dudes I guess now we get ladies, although I admire the quality of the exploitation.

ALSO

With the exit music, we have reached our first BUFFY POINT OF REFERENCE. A song in common.
posted by The Whelk at 7:08 PM on June 26, 2011

Also, Eric ladled out in quality small doses.

Also Nan.

Cause Nan is awesome.
posted by The Whelk at 7:09 PM on June 26, 2011

i am so agitated oh my god why why are they doing these terrible things why WHY I ASK YOU WHY
posted by elizardbits at 7:16 PM on June 26, 2011

WHY DOES SAM CONTINUE TO EXIST AS IS WORTHY OF SUB PLOTS?
posted by The Whelk at 7:22 PM on June 26, 2011

IT IS A TRAVESTY

also why was eric not naked OH THE INJUSTICE
posted by elizardbits at 7:23 PM on June 26, 2011

There is time enough for Naked Erics, let us just enjoy a show finally finding away to actually move the storylines foward. Cuase what the last three seasons where like ...9 months story-time?

I like to think the "I haven't seen you in a year!" lines were meta-commentary.
posted by The Whelk at 7:24 PM on June 26, 2011

Does this have something to do with Game of Thorns or something?
posted by not_on_display at 7:40 PM on June 26, 2011

Dude, during that first ten minutes it WAS Game Of Thrones but with mre gliter bomb LARP spells.

So from a pure plot mechanics view that last scene with Lafayette and the coven was GOOD, cause that scene had to do three things 1) show a bit of magic that could not be a trick 2) be only possible because Laffs joins in and 3) do the above things in a dramatic way cause the audience KNOWS 1 and 2 has to happen. So it was a good example of a scene going EXACTLY how the viewer is expecting it and still being strong internally.
posted by The Whelk at 7:43 PM on June 26, 2011

Can the thread be about me now?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:56 PM on June 26, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ok, what's next?
Well, something needs to be done about the divorce rate. How about banning straight marriage?
posted by dg at 8:23 PM on June 26, 2011

I am perfectly willing to make this thread all about you once you provide some kind of proof that you are a hotass shirtless viking vampire.
posted by elizardbits at 8:30 PM on June 26, 2011

msconduct: "splunge: >wah!<"

Still no.
posted by Splunge at 9:13 PM on June 26, 2011

offer not valid in Texas

fucking Texas, never get any fucking fun in fucking Texas
GRAR
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:07 PM on June 26, 2011

Well, I have a shirt on, but the top three buttons are undone.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:49 PM on June 26, 2011

That certainly is a large number of posts.


I think all posts above 10,000 on metafilter should be like that Shirley Jackson story. You know, the one that they make kids read, and really the only Shirley Jackson story anyone knows (even Shirley Jackson can't name another story she's written). Instead of an amusement park ride that goes terribly wrong, sending some poor schmuck through the air to his death, with each post you trigger an algorithm that may or may not send an electronic pulse through your keyboard killing you where you sit. Then people can say, "Well, at least he died happy." Or "He died doing something he loved." Or "Can you believe he wasted the final moments of his life on metefilter? What a dumb ass. Who did he think he was, delmoi?" Or "What's a metafilter?"

The Lottery traumatized me as a kid, but it wasn't an amusement park ride. It was the brutal simplicity of the black dot and the stoning.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 12:13 AM on June 27, 2011

though being quite vain, I'm pretty sure this thread isn't about me.
posted by localhuman at 1:52 AM on June 27, 2011

So, Whelk, did it turn out like you wanted it?
posted by kaibutsu at 2:32 AM on June 27, 2011

But has anyone else noted that The Whelk has given 666 answers. Be afraid askme be very afraid.
posted by adamvasco at 3:42 AM on June 27, 2011

Can the thread be about me now?

You missed your opportunity 150 odd comments ago, I'm afraid. You'll need to wait now until 7.5k.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:34 AM on June 27, 2011

Can the thread be about Meatbomb now?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:26 AM on June 27, 2011

Why is this thread still going on? Some mefis I can place based on their personality, politics, and style, but I seriously still have no idea who the whelk is. Can somebody link to some of the whelk's notable posts? I was talking about this post to some mefis IRL and during the conversation it came out that I actually thought the Whelk was Hermitosis or Greg Nog, then I realized that I haven't really noticed any of the Whelk's comments. So, which Mefite is the Whelk?

Is there a best-of the Whelk or is it not like that?
posted by fuq at 5:58 AM on June 27, 2011

Sadly, Brandon, at my rate I won't get to do my 10k thread until 2023.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:04 AM on June 27, 2011

fuq, this is how hyperlinks work.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:01 AM on June 27, 2011

but I seriously still have no idea who the whelk is

You've met in in person like four times.
posted by The Whelk at 7:11 AM on June 27, 2011

I know I've met you that why I thought you were Greg Nog. It's hard to explain. Basically I rarely notice who the author of a comment most of the time. Were you at that meetup at the meetup at the bar run by a mefite? With kattelus? We went to Marshal Stacks afterwards with Optimus Chyme (RIP)?
posted by fuq at 9:21 AM on June 27, 2011

Yep!

To be fair I often confuse myself and Greg Nog until I remember he's the one that likes tuna salad.
posted by The Whelk at 9:34 AM on June 27, 2011

^^"WOW! 10,000 COMMENTS, ALL BY THE WHELK!"

"is that someone's dick in a chicken?!"
posted by Rhaomi at 3:43 PM on June 24 [7 favorites −] [!]

i'm not sure if this is some sort of inside joke, but the instant i read it i was overcome with scream-laughter. MAGNIFICENT.
posted by wowbobwow at 11:01 AM on June 27, 2011

i'm not sure if this is some sort of inside joke

Please see my profile page and "about the chicken fucking" for more details on what this joke is about.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:19 AM on June 27, 2011

To be fair I often confuse myself and Greg Nog until I remember he's the one that likes tuna salad.

You don't like tuna salad? BLASPHEMER!
posted by Infinite Jest at 11:32 AM on June 27, 2011

Mefi Wiki is your friend. See question 15.
The wiki is linked at the bottom of every page.
posted by adamvasco at 11:41 AM on June 27, 2011

Heh, I was not around for that august episode, but did learn about it thanks to fandango_matt's hilarious "Be Safe and Smart on Metafilter" comic (which is where the quote came from).
posted by Rhaomi at 2:13 PM on June 27, 2011

The Whelk used to like shellfish until it was pointed out that it was creepy and nearly cannibalistic.
posted by hippybear at 4:12 PM on June 27, 2011

I don't really like shellfish, actually. Shrimp in particular I just do not enjoy.


Except oysters. I could live on oysters and red wine if you let me.
posted by The Whelk at 4:21 PM on June 27, 2011

CREEPY! CANNIBAL!
posted by hippybear at 5:01 PM on June 27, 2011

I am so not an oyster so I don't even what
posted by The Whelk at 6:08 PM on June 27, 2011

I think he means the red wine.
posted by fuq at 7:15 PM on June 27, 2011

White wine is for people with eating disorders.
posted by The Whelk at 7:17 PM on June 27, 2011

I am so not an oyster so I don't even what

That's not what I heard. I heard you were a master pearl maker. I heard your pearl production was almost inhuman. Did I hear wrong?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:19 PM on June 27, 2011

I work in the bespoke necklace industry.
posted by The Whelk at 7:19 PM on June 27, 2011

I like the idea of bespoke items that normally aren't, like bespoke scissors. I won't use any other kind.
posted by fuq at 4:46 AM on June 28, 2011

This stapler has been form-fitted to match the counters of my hand and no one elses. It is MY stapler.
posted by The Whelk at 7:45 AM on June 28, 2011

Two whelks during the Festive season: One says to the other: "Can you guess what I've got you for Christmas?" and the other goes "It better not be another fucking slipper".
posted by panboi at 3:08 PM on June 28, 2011

Someone just passed 20000 on the grey in the last couple of days.
posted by Sailormom at 3:08 PM on June 28, 2011

OK, own up, who put the Whelk's staple in jelly?
posted by arcticseal at 9:11 PM on June 28, 2011

Just wanted to drop in and make it an even 450 comments. 449 is a bad number. But you all know that, right?
posted by Splunge at 4:21 AM on June 30, 2011

Four Fifty One has a nice prosity to it.
posted by The Whelk at 7:32 AM on June 30, 2011

prosody
posted by grobstein at 7:33 AM on June 30, 2011

scody?
posted by The Whelk at 7:50 AM on June 30, 2011

scody? total pro
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:09 AM on June 30, 2011

Amazing field work, dead before they hit the floor.
posted by The Whelk at 8:14 AM on June 30, 2011

And in other news, how awesome was Pam's Gaga-y red dress last night?
posted by The Whelk at 8:22 AM on July 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

(is editing a draft, rocking out lightly in the corner)
posted by The Whelk at 11:00 PM on July 16, 2011