I think MeFi needs more hugs. You can join me if you want.
There's a lot of unhappiness and ill feelings around here lately. The perceived uptick in negativity is frustrating many people.
I think it feels like we can't do much about it except endless discussions (and yes, arguments) on MeTa, and that's discouraging.
I've been trying to practice the Gentle Art of Being The Change You Want To See. This is what I think that path looks like:
*I will try my hardest not to Be The Problem
*I will treat members as if they're acting in good faith (unless they prove otherwise) and give them the benefit of the doubt
*I won't fight or make personal attacks, no matter how righteous I feel
*if someone makes a derailing or crappy comment, especially right at the beginning of a thread, I will flag it and I will NOT respond to it
*I will RTFA and also I will RTFComments before I comment
*I will only comment when I have something of value to add to the discussion
*I will not make too many comments in a thread
*I will graciously admit when I'm wrong
*I will make comments and posts of the kind I want to see
*I will encourage other members when they make comments and posts of the kind I want to see
*I will remember there are lots of readers and lurkers out there and I will comment in a way that makes them feel welcome to join in
*I will refuse to have a sense of doom about MeFi; MeFi has made many positive changes in the years I've spent here, and it can continue to evolve
I bet lots of other members are trying to do something similar. But I find it's lonely and mostly invisible work.
I've heard before that "it takes ten positive comments to match the impact of one negative comment". I think we've seen it doesn't take much negativity, relatively speaking, to create more negativity; and especially a perception of negativity, stubbornness, snark, and dismissiveness that can really make the community feel unwelcoming and unpleasant. It drives people away. We've already lost a bunch of good members over the years, directly from this perception - and who knows how many potential good members have been out there, wanting to participate, but deciding not to bother?
MeFi is shaped by its membership. This has often meant that the loudest voices set the tone. Practicing the Gentle Art is pretty quiet. And if you're too intimidated or too frustrated or just plain too tired to share your thoughts out loud, to take the time and the energy to discuss and defend them, then walking away and taking a break feels crummy, not empowering. If someone is quietly trying to be a Good Citizen, their effort just isn't going to be very noticeable - as an individual.
It's my thought that if enough of us say out loud, collectively, that we want to Be The Change - then it would be encouraging. It would make these efforts visible. And we'd all feel like we were working together to overcome the not-so-great stuff. Every time you flagged a comment or restrained yourself from a righteous rant, you'd know you're part of a team. It would help to shift the perception that This Is Just How MeFi Is And There's Nothing We Can Do About It - because I firmly believe that isn't true.
If you feel that way too, you're welcome to join me on Team LESS GRAR, MORE HUGS.
posted by flex to Etiquette/Policy at 5:38 PM (190 comments total)
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posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:45 PM on October 24, 2011 [3 favorites]