Introducing shitmycontactformsays.tumblr.com

November 8, 2011 10:46 AM

Curious about the weird this-is-so-not-Metafilter-related mail we get at the contact form? Then you might enjoy Thank You For Contacting Metafilter, aka Shit My Contact Form Says, a tumblr we've put together in the last few days.

The Metafilter contact form is super duper useful for actual Metafilter-related stuff, but because it's an unmoderated form on a highly visible website it also draws in a lot of spam and clueless marketing and confused googlers and inscrutable nonsense from non-members every day.

We've joked off and on over the years (and folks have asked us a number of times) about making a blog for the weirder stuff, the stuff that has basically zero to do with Metafilter but ends up in our inboxes anyway, and this is that.

We won't ever be quoting actual site-related communications with members, just weird/funny non-member WTF stuff, and we're blacking out names and domain names and such to keep it anonymous even for the weird spammer people. If something somehow gets up there that shouldn't, let us know and we can nix it.

Right now there's about a hundred and seventy five entries, which accounts for maybe a third to a half of my old backlog of weird emails (I kept track of them by hand for a year or so). We'll update with new stuff as it comes along and I'll periodically add more from my backlog as well.

posted by cortex to MetaFilter-Related at 10:46 AM (232 comments total)

I know I am not the only one who hopes to see more posts tagged "fish wizards".
posted by Prince_of_Cups at 10:50 AM on November 8, 2011 [19 favorites]

Heh. I foresee an uptick in the amount of ridiculous shit sent via the contact form as this gets around.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 10:50 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

OH THESE ARE MADE UP.

god i hope these are made up.
posted by fetamelter at 10:52 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

I sleep with good conscience, motherfuckers. GOOD conscience.
posted by Think_Long at 10:52 AM on November 8, 2011 [10 favorites]

....No fair, I can't get tumblr at the computer I'm at now!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:54 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Cortex I love you!
posted by By The Grace of God at 10:54 AM on November 8, 2011

They are not made up, I assure you.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:54 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I do hope you got in touch with Prince.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:55 AM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]

This is just what I needed this afternoon. Also, the tags are perfect. rubbing incorrectly
posted by hydropsyche at 10:55 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

this is a damn treasure.

MOM

I'm Ready.
posted by Think_Long at 10:56 AM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]

They are not made up, I assure you.

YOU'RE made up.
honestly though, this is the awesomest thing i've seen all week. and it took me a sec to notice the favicon B)
posted by fetamelter at 10:56 AM on November 8, 2011

MY COMPANY WANT TO HAVE BUSINESS WITH YOURCOMPANY.

At last, we know how babby is formed!
posted by MexicanYenta at 10:56 AM on November 8, 2011 [12 favorites]

Hilarious. Thx cortex. Totally following that tumblr. There are a lot of pages!
posted by zomg at 10:56 AM on November 8, 2011

[dont forget the www.]
posted by Babblesort at 10:57 AM on November 8, 2011

They are not made up, I assure you.

...just what a puppet of the magicods industrial complex would say.
posted by juv3nal at 10:57 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

I was going to complain about the lack of any Rickroll/Fresh Prince posts, until I saw this:

Hi my name is Luca.

[Josh] I spam from the second floor.

I have no further complaints.
posted by daniel_charms at 10:58 AM on November 8, 2011 [12 favorites]

Oh, the phenomenon of the abdomenon.
posted by cooker girl at 10:58 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Just think to yourself that somewhere, out there, is a testicle-eating contest. Then make the appropriate facial gesture (such as a grimace). Then go abut your day.
posted by angrycat at 10:58 AM on November 8, 2011

...just what a puppet of the magicods industrial complex would say.

EXACTLY! they just want to hide the truth from the people about World War Eleven.
posted by fetamelter at 10:58 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh, hey! I spam from the fourth floor! We should get lunch some time.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 10:58 AM on November 8, 2011

MOM

I'm Ready.

I imagine some poor neglected child of a mefite, who knows nothing of the internet except that his mom is always on that one blue page. He sits, waiting to be taken to soccer practice as he hears her typing away upstairs. He finally decides to communicate to her on his own terms.
posted by Think_Long at 10:59 AM on November 8, 2011 [32 favorites]

Metafilter: [And so on.]
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:59 AM on November 8, 2011

Who edits your site indeed.
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:59 AM on November 8, 2011

Some of these strike me as laughing at the mentally ill or uneducated.
posted by andoatnp at 10:59 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: 1) This is a wonderful opinion. The things mentioned are unanimous and needs to be appreciated by everyone.
posted by daniel_charms at 11:00 AM on November 8, 2011

Needs a random link.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:01 AM on November 8, 2011

Thank you for these -- these are just pure joy; it's like one of the unknown rewards of being a mod without any of the responsibility.

And I really can't believe you've been suppressing the story of teaching the kids pro-Obama songs. For shame, editors, for shame.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:01 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

FWIW guys, you can give out my phone number for lycra bodysuit consultations. I don't mind.
posted by Edogy at 11:01 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm not uneducated.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:01 AM on November 8, 2011

KINDLY give ALL THE SOLVENTS. All of them.
posted by katillathehun at 11:01 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Some of those are clearly intended, I guess, to be Ask Metafilter posts. But the quality difference between these and anything I've seen (deleted or not) on AskMe is incredible. It's kind of stunning how much of a quality improvement you get just requiring someone use the posting page instead of something called "Contact" makes in terms of questions...
posted by skynxnex at 11:02 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

No fair, I can't get tumblr at the computer I'm at now! -- Maybe if you ask nicely, Cortex will delete this thread until it's a more convenient time for you.
posted by crunchland at 11:02 AM on November 8, 2011

Metafilter: It taste real bad but it works real good.

via
posted by supercres at 11:03 AM on November 8, 2011

Some of these strike me as laughing at the mentally ill or uneducated.

That's been my biggest worry in figuring what to include vs. not, honestly, and I've been pretty aggressive so far about avoiding stuff that feels more like mentally ill person struggling for help than anything or other similarly sort of eye-opening-but-really-heavy stuff. We don't get a ton of that but basically none of it has gone or will go on the blog because, yeah, we don't really want it to be a thing where we're mocking people who are struggling with a hard battle. We'd rather just highlight the odd side of having a contact form.

Ultimately, we get some folks who are bad at the internet or maybe really ESL putting weird stuff in the contact form, and I'm not sure if there's a clean line for completely avoiding that short of not posting anything that has spelling errors or so on, but I definitely want to be mindful of not traipsing casually into Ha Ha You Suck territory.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:04 AM on November 8, 2011 [8 favorites]

Metafilter: and he does what he wants to do
and ask him not to do something
and turns around in does at anyway
and he is a dam drunk
please help me
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:04 AM on November 8, 2011

it's like one of the unknown rewards of being a mod without any of the responsibility.

This is without question my favorite part of being a mod.

(Actually shoveling all of the boring shit into the trash may be my least favorite, so it balances out.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 11:04 AM on November 8, 2011

I now have something to feed a markov bot that I enjoy rampant musings from. This shall be delicious.
posted by deezil at 11:05 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: We have NO desire to be worldly! KNOCK IT OFF.
posted by fetamelter at 11:05 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

But I really do wear a helmet in the car. :( And I'm still here, fuckers, so there.
posted by mudpuppie at 11:05 AM on November 8, 2011

Some of these strike me as laughing at the mentally ill or uneducated. --- Wait. We do this all the time, especially during Republican primary season.
posted by crunchland at 11:06 AM on November 8, 2011

One of those gave me the biggest, hardest laugh I've ever had at Metafilter.

I'm afraid to go any farther.
posted by jamjam at 11:06 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

A few things show up there but know that we get almost one email every night from someone wanting to import thousands of weird items into Pakistan or China. Stuff like "I NEED TO ORDER 100,000 DISHWASHING GLOVES PLEASE TO BE ORDERING" kind of stuff that seems like a scam, but I can't tell what the scam is, do they fake payment to you or try that weird overcharging scam?
posted by mathowie (staff) at 11:07 AM on November 8, 2011

Needs a random link.

Ooh, good idea. Don't know if tumblr has a handy built-in feature for that, I'll go take a look.

Some of those are clearly intended, I guess, to be Ask Metafilter posts. But the quality difference between these and anything I've seen (deleted or not) on AskMe is incredible. It's kind of stunning how much of a quality improvement you get just requiring someone use the posting page instead of something called "Contact" makes in terms of questions...

It really is sort of striking. I've been using the "askme by proxy" tag for a lot of that stuff. We get a fair amount of those question-posted-to-contact-form things, along with the occasional (often heated) response to a thread from someone who doesn't know they're not using a comment box for the thread itself. Interesting kind of web interaction phenomenon.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:07 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

One of those gave me the biggest, hardest . . .

Go on . . .

bringing down the discourse since 09 y'all!
posted by Think_Long at 11:08 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I AM WILLING TO REPRESENT METAFILTER IN THE TESTICLE EATING CONTEXT SIGN ME UP GUYS
posted by griphus at 11:08 AM on November 8, 2011 [9 favorites]

Also the contest. I am willing to represent us in the contest.
posted by griphus at 11:09 AM on November 8, 2011 [13 favorites]

Might there be a danger that something this hilarious will inspire people to just submit weird stuff so that they can be (anonymously) immortalized on this blog?
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 11:10 AM on November 8, 2011

I was not expecting postmodern poetry, and now I'm glad I came.
posted by Kimberly at 11:10 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

In what context will you be testicle snacking?
posted by zarq at 11:10 AM on November 8, 2011

a womble is an active kind of sloth: "Might there be a danger that something this hilarious will inspire people to just submit weird stuff so that they can be (anonymously) immortalized on this blog?"

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
posted by zarq at 11:10 AM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

Somehow I always assumed you had to be logged in to use that.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 11:11 AM on November 8, 2011

I am willing to represent us in the contest.

And in the context of the content of the contest? Will you go that far?
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:11 AM on November 8, 2011

Please tell me that masterbaba isn't already taken as a username. Helloooo, sock puppet.
posted by supercres at 11:12 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

xxx is a moving story of a younr German girl’s shattered identity,in the aftermath of World War 11.when she discovers that her beloved parents were part of unspeakable evil. Could she still love them?

I would so read this book (World War Eleven? Unspeakable evil horrors? Awesome). Anyone here happen to know the title and/or the author?
posted by daniel_charms at 11:12 AM on November 8, 2011 [5 favorites]

Going to shitmycontactformsays.tumblr.com/random gives a random post. (I think this works on all Tumblr blogs.)
posted by Richard Holden at 11:13 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

need man

hi all mens

Yes.
posted by misskaz at 11:13 AM on November 8, 2011 [14 favorites]

And in the context of the content of the contest? Will you go that far?

I knew the day would come when I would have to eat balls for MetaFilter and I will go to any lengths to eat these balls.
posted by griphus at 11:13 AM on November 8, 2011

We get a fair amount of those question-posted-to-contact-form things, along with the occasional (often heated) response to a thread from someone who doesn't know they're not using a comment box for the thread itself.

A lot of these are probably from people who read Metafilter, but don't have accounts? So they look for a comment box/new question link, can't find it and figure "Contact", I want to contact the website to ask my question.

My memory from using the contact form once or twice, is that if you're logged in, it identifies you in the email that's sent, so, for cortex, I guess the question is, what percentage of "ask me by proxy" type questions come from logged in users vs visitors?
posted by skynxnex at 11:14 AM on November 8, 2011

Oh look, it's crazy jamon iberico spammer again.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 11:14 AM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

Or maybe DEAR IN CHRIST.

(How many sock puppets do I really need, though?)
posted by supercres at 11:15 AM on November 8, 2011

pls teach me about maths
posted by heyho at 11:15 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I like to think that "PRINCE." is not a signature but a parting phrase. At least, that's how I plan on using it from now on.

PRINCE, everyone, and good luck.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:18 AM on November 8, 2011 [24 favorites]

Fuck yes!
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 11:18 AM on November 8, 2011

I would be pretty much on board with this health care plan. I did not expect that level of sanity when I began reading it.
posted by tivalasvegas at 11:19 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: I am a prolific aphorist.
posted by cmyk at 11:20 AM on November 8, 2011

Might there be a danger that something this hilarious will inspire people to just submit weird stuff so that they can be (anonymously) immortalized on this blog?

There's the concomitant danger that we will give them funny looks and decline to post those, so, heh. Not overly worried about it.

Going to shitmycontactformsays.tumblr.com/random gives a random post. (I think this works on all Tumblr blogs.)

Yeah, credit to Tumblr for making that standard. Added now, along with (for formal irony as much as anything) an Ask Me Anything page.

My memory from using the contact form once or twice, is that if you're logged in, it identifies you in the email that's sent, so, for cortex, I guess the question is, what percentage of "ask me by proxy" type questions come from logged in users vs visitors?

None from logged in users, as far as I can tell and recall. As a rule nothing on the blog came from a logged-in member in any case, but beyond that I think the cases where there's any sort of seeming confusion about making an otherwise normal answer via the contact form are vanishingly rare—folks seem to either minimally understand how the site works or just have no idea what's going on, 99.9% of the time.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:20 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

BILLY MAYS HERE FOR MAGICODS!
posted by dirigibleman at 11:21 AM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]

Hey Matt, how could you ever turn down an offer for a free, elite, custom redesign for Mefi?
posted by daniel_charms at 11:23 AM on November 8, 2011

adult domains, how to sell them

Hi, I have about 8 adult domains that I am interested in selling. I have not parked them or anything. They have never had a website, some of them are pretty good, others fair. Do you sell adult domains?
Looking to work with someone fair.

You looked fair and honest.
Thanks
██████

My word. Just think of the possibilities.

xxx.metafilter.com
hurfdurf.metafilter.com
meatbomb.metafilter.com
magicods.metafilter.com
sexysex.metafilter.com
9622.metafilter.com
baud-ybabes.metafilter.com
plochops.metafilter.com
modsgonewild.metafilter.com
SCIENCE!.metafilter.com
cameras.metafilter.com

....
posted by zarq at 11:23 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Fun fact: This isn't the only request to become a male pornstar we have received. There have been others (which inspired the reason to launch a blog for this)
posted by mathowie (staff) at 11:23 AM on November 8, 2011 [5 favorites]

the Paging Dr. Mixalot tag

OH BOY.
posted by deezil at 11:23 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

"In 13 of july i was stabbed with a knife, it didnt touch my abdomenon but i want to be sure that healing process is going well, so if you can help me with advice cause i fell like a brick insite that area where cut was,it was 3 sm deep insite,on my back area,thank you for help"

Umm, you told this guy that he needs to be seen by a physician right now as in calling his country's emergency number or hopping in a cab right now right? A wound that feels that way is deeply not okay in one of a number of deeply not okay ways.
posted by Blasdelb at 11:27 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

zarq, you forgot taters.metafilter.com
posted by devinemissk at 11:28 AM on November 8, 2011 [11 favorites]

Moreover, a registration fee you’ve got to be kidding me!

So poetic.
posted by bjrn at 11:28 AM on November 8, 2011

I have used the contact form way too much lately... mostly on stuff that is completely boring compared with this.
posted by Artw at 11:31 AM on November 8, 2011

we have one boing 747-100 oprating to afganistan just for your information.

That's a lot of information. Most of mine could easily just fit in a little helicopter or drone or something, or perhaps even on a USB disk carried by a pigeon.
posted by kingbenny at 11:34 AM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

Are any of these answered? Is there a protocol for when you do (if ever) answer random emails?
posted by pointystick at 11:34 AM on November 8, 2011

WAIT.

You are denying us link connections to hentai_______.com? We could be living in a world where metafilter was tightly integrated with hentai________.com, where every post had tentacle-rape hentai pictures added to it, lovingly chosen by the random number generators at hentai________.com?

And we aren't? I had thought that the woeful lack of hentai porn around here was just a temporary thing, that surely some plan to get all of the various *me's fully hentaied was in the works. But no.

Hitlers. Hitlers, all of you. Also possibly draculas.

PS: would it kill metafilter to put metafilter in the spell-check dictionary that metafilter uses? I reiterate: possibly draculas.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:35 AM on November 8, 2011 [8 favorites]

Administrator!
Please hope me!
posted by kaibutsu at 11:36 AM on November 8, 2011

Hi.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 11:36 AM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

Are any of these answered? Is there a protocol for when you do (if ever) answer random emails?

I don't think anything on the blog is stuff we've answered, but it's possible one of the other mods did without reply-all here or there.

For the contact form generally, we occasionally answer sort of O_o stuff if it seems like there's some genuine confusion that's worth the effort of helping someone out with or if we just don't realize that they are well and truly in the wrong spot. Sometimes folks want to know like copyright info on an image someone linked and we'll explain that it's not something we're actually in charge of, that sort of thing.

I'd say half the time I go against my instincts and try to answer something helpfully anyway, I get a bounce because the address they put in was typoed or just plain fake. So there's not a huge amount of incentive even at that point.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:38 AM on November 8, 2011

would it kill metafilter to put metafilter in the spell-check dictionary that metafilter uses?

We don't have a spell-check dictionary. Your browser probably does, though.
posted by pb (staff) at 11:39 AM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

What do the re: links mean? Are you tying a random contact to a recent thread or question? Or is there some way to contact mods form particular questions or threads?
posted by filthy light thief at 11:40 AM on November 8, 2011

This is a wonderful opinion. The things mentioned are unanimous and needs to be appreciated by everyone.

This should become the standard sarcastic response to stupid comments.
posted by Kabanos at 11:40 AM on November 8, 2011 [8 favorites]

What do the re: links mean?

The contact form tracks the referring page that someone got to it from, so when there's an "re: ..." line it's the actual page they got to the contact form from. Makes some of the askme-by-proxy and some of the odder spam stuff make a little more sense, in that you can at least see what someone (or some bot) was doing a keyword search on before dropping a pile of weird in our inbox.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:41 AM on November 8, 2011

(The key thing there is that the contact form link is in the footer of every page of the site.)
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:42 AM on November 8, 2011

But I really do wear a helmet in the car. :( And I'm still here, fuckers, so there.

In fairness, I suggested that this would be an amusing idea more than two years ago. I still maintain that from a purely entertainment standpoint, it's still a fantastic concept.
posted by quin at 11:42 AM on November 8, 2011

We don't have a spell-check dictionary.

We did though, and MetaFilter wasn't in it.
posted by Chuckles at 11:44 AM on November 8, 2011

Now I want both Shinty Match balls *and* SOAP NOODLES.
posted by Specklet at 11:45 AM on November 8, 2011

Thanks, cortex.


I just got to the one about the assgrams. Wow.
posted by pointystick at 11:45 AM on November 8, 2011

The airplanes_that_bounce tag made me burst out laughing. Not sure why.
posted by octothorpe at 11:45 AM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]

This should become the standard sarcastic response to stupid comments.

This is a wonderful opinion. The things mentioned are unanimous and needs to be appreciated by everyone.

haha just kidding Kabanos
posted by kingbenny at 11:46 AM on November 8, 2011

Registration Fee
To whom it may concern,
Inasmuch as I wanted to join your site demanding the $5.00 fee at registration rubbed me the wrong way. That being said, at this point you more then likely would not want me as a member for the reasons I will outline.
I do not plan on changing any of your content.
I wanted to join for the search and research capabilities contained here!

Finally, had you asked for a donation, I would have gladly paypal’d you double what you wanted. Moreover, a registration fee you’ve got to be kidding me!

Inasmuch as even if they had paid the $5.00 fee the would not have been able to "change any of our content" more then likely they would be very pissed.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:47 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

You can demand samples [...]

Wow, I've been going about this business business all wrong. I've just been tracking down likely suppliers of a product and asking them if they would be kind enough to send samples for evaluation.

Instead I should just write, "Your company will provide us with samples!"
posted by FishBike at 11:52 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Strangely, after the testicle eating championships, I was hurling balls too.
posted by IanMorr at 11:52 AM on November 8, 2011

Instead I should just write, "Your company will provide us with samples!"

It would help if you have a black cape and a helmet with horns on it and intone it in the same way a supervillain would say "you will pay for this!" Except I guess you would say "I will not be paying for these!"
posted by griphus at 11:54 AM on November 8, 2011

continue to allow the mocking of the lord of hosts

in the tone, content and body language of your website, and wait to see the light.

when you see it, if you don’t kneel in respect you will cower and fall in terror.

...body language?
posted by kagredon at 11:57 AM on November 8, 2011

...body language.

Wait am I the only one using MetaFilter like this?
posted by griphus at 11:59 AM on November 8, 2011

I'd like to think that PRINCE is actually Prince (Rogers Nelson) looking for work. The Revolution has reunited (at least temporarily) sans Prince, so the dude just needs something to do. The ALL CAPS is just compensation for being a small guy (physically I mean. I think the dude is awesome and huge musically)
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 11:59 AM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Several hundred pages!

Of aphorisms!

SEVERAL HUNDRED PAGES


***

I know there are MeFites who were or are editors, work for publishing houses, etc. I know those of you who used to, e.g., read through slush piles and unsolicited manuscripts as interns or whatever. In a way I think I'd always thought that would be kind of a fun job, in its way. Something I can daydream about doing for a living.

I just want to say that today's the day I learned my lesson, and I'm sorry.
posted by penduluum at 12:01 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hey, one of my posts attracted a spammer!

Oops.
posted by zarq at 12:01 PM on November 8, 2011

The Terrible Secret Of Masterbaba: A Metafilter Adventures Novel.
posted by The Whelk at 12:04 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

We don't have a spell-check dictionary.

Don't bring facts into it, Vlad.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:04 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

also hey cotex i would also like to learn about maths
posted by The Whelk at 12:05 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Don't bring facts into it, Vlad.

I can't tell what's funny anymore. I blame the contact form.
posted by pb (staff) at 12:09 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

PARASITIC SPECIES INFESTATION alien robot telescope spaceship: audiobook getting things done (GTD is the tag), the first few tracks of PALE BLUE DOT are good, as we transition 2 a knowledge based global society

I think the Laundry was trying to recruit cortex and the message got a bit garbled.
posted by The Whelk at 12:12 PM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

zarq: "Hey, one of my posts attracted a spammer!

Oops."

I think you meant "Whoop!" noun /(h)wo͞op/: A loud cry of joy or excitement
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:13 PM on November 8, 2011

I think if the Laundry knew about the site we'd be in trouble.
posted by Artw at 12:14 PM on November 8, 2011

ArtW, RAPTOR VIOLET CABAL
posted by The Whelk at 12:16 PM on November 8, 2011

This is wonderful. Thank you for making it.
posted by kavasa at 12:17 PM on November 8, 2011

Also props for the site icon on it.
posted by kavasa at 12:17 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is awesome.
posted by joe lisboa at 12:17 PM on November 8, 2011

Hey Josh, I don't appreciate you telling everyone that my new password is "pasowrd."
posted by The Deej at 12:26 PM on November 8, 2011

Delightful.

I just changed my homepage to http://shitmycontactformsays.tumblr.com/random.

This looks spammier than I mean it to.
posted by elmer benson at 12:27 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

cortex: (The key thing there is that the contact form link is in the footer of every page of the site.)

Huh. How did I not notice that before.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:28 PM on November 8, 2011

i use is 3 way linking, i link you from ██████hentai.net (footer) and you link to hentai██████.org.

Tags:  link exchange   hentai   linkage-a-trois



LINKAGE-A-TROIS.

Just wanted to make sure no one missed that one.
posted by that's how you get ants at 12:34 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is so great.

Also, HOW TO CANCEL MY GOOGLE PLEASE
posted by odinsdream at 12:35 PM on November 8, 2011

need a little push on log in

Thank goodness. I thought I was the only one.
posted by trunk muffins at 12:41 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

This is fantastic.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:42 PM on November 8, 2011

(The key thing there is that the contact form link is in the footer of every page of the site.)

That actually makes the faux ask.me questions/replies make more sense. The person sees a webpage talking about whatever they were looking for in google, they scroll down through the comments looking for somewhere to add their comment or ask their own question or whatever, but they're not logged so they don't see the comment box. They do see down there a link that says 'contact', which is what they want to do, so they click it and see a box to type into. After that it's practically a pavlovian response to type their somewhat random stuff into the box and hit send, not really thinking about where it's being sent to.
posted by shelleycat at 12:44 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

_______ Designs would like to offer MetaFilter a Free Redesign...

Oh, wow. They probably have no idea what kind of shitfirestorm they narrowly missed with that one. Though, actually letting someone attempt a site re-design and then deal with the entire userbase as a "client" would be a great way to drive someone totally insane and bodycheck their hubris at the same time. Especially if it was from some small independent/inexperienced designer.

I bet they just briefly looked at the site and thought "Hey, here's this somewhat big site that has some kind of old school web page going on. I could totally improve on that with a big photographic header, some shiny buttons and just a few lines of stock CSS. They don't even have a single image! Or I could totally rebuild this like a real forum with a phpBB install with threads and shit. It'll be easy, and they'll think I'm a fucking genius and I'll get lots and lots of business! WOO HOO! GRAVY TRAIN!!!"
posted by loquacious at 12:47 PM on November 8, 2011 [12 favorites]

I just literally blew tea into my sinuses at the "it's not a tuna" tag.

THANKS A LOT, CORTEX
posted by scrump at 12:48 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't understand how they could look at the site, see diagonal pinstripes at the top, and not realize it's already had a redesign.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:49 PM on November 8, 2011 [9 favorites]

That actually makes the faux ask.me questions/replies make more sense.

Yeah, exactly. That this stuff happens doesn't really boggle me when we look at it systemically, even though it's weird to see the individual messages.

Or another thing along the same lines: we just got a message like fifteen minutes ago (not really interesting enough to put on the blog) from some guy wanting us to feature his new gadget blah blah on "your great website", maybe run a giveaway contest for our readers. Referring page was the front page of askme.

Then, ten minutes later, the exact same message from the guy, but this time coming from this old askme. Which on the one hand is like, uh, what? But on the other hand, he probably went up to the search box and typed in "advertising", and since he's not logged in he got the google-powered search rather than the on-site search. Top thread result for that? That old askme.

Why he chose to resend the same damn message, who knows, but at least the logic is a bit trackable. We used to not have the referrer line at all in the contact form and these things were a bit more mysterious.

The thing that makes me wonder is, okay, the contact form is totally findable if you go looking for it but it is tucked down in the corner in wee text, pretty much by design to minimize accidental or dorky use. If it were prominently displayed in the top right corner of the site, how much higher volume would this stuff be?
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:52 PM on November 8, 2011

Is there like a list of tags I could see?

Because that sounds like half the funneh to be found on the site is from cortex's tags.
posted by royalsong at 12:53 PM on November 8, 2011

This is the United States of America, and we like it free—we are NOT falling for Obama’s socialism, and Czars, and upsetting our freedoms. Your show—China From the Inside was very, very dangerously full of propaganda. Their killing of from 60 to 80 Million—and using assination to keep their government in place is a great sin and most ugly. Shame on you for bringing us this horrid stuff. We have NO desire to be worldly!

You're sure we can't comp some accounts for these people?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:54 PM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

I DEMAND MY FREE BUICK KEYCHAIN!!
posted by Bron-Y-Aur at 12:55 PM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

No tag list as yet, but it'd be something to look into. I'll see what I can figure out, see if there's a good solution.

In the mean time, someone linked to this tumblr tag cloud generator aimed at the blog, so you can browse that.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:55 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

Dude, dude, it's a testicle-COOKING contest. I probably should have just posted it in Projects, anyway.
posted by exogenous at 12:58 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

If it were prominently displayed in the top right corner of the site, how much higher volume would this stuff be?

Lets get that free redesign that that company was offering and find out!
posted by shelleycat at 12:59 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

jab tujhe yeh msg karna milne ka yeh msg

love u


I love you too.
posted by spinifex23 at 1:00 PM on November 8, 2011

the famous website award
posted by The Whelk at 1:01 PM on November 8, 2011

> jab tujhe yeh msg karna milne ka yeh msg

That looks like slang Malaysian or Indonesian--"something something because your msg" but I can't tell.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 1:03 PM on November 8, 2011

questionsnotaskedfrequentlyenough

This blog made me laugh and giggle out loud at least a dozen times and is just really well done. I love you guys!
posted by onlyconnect at 1:04 PM on November 8, 2011

I really like the editorial [&c] on the aphorism one, even if it's technically incorrect.
posted by OmieWise at 1:04 PM on November 8, 2011

The Request For Proposal type questions crack me up. I have a feeling I've worked for PHBs who are the sort that would do just that, and worse, they'd expect it for free.

I've thought about this before, but that's the only thing stopping me from wanting to start a random internet research service. The "I want it for free and can you hurry up I'm important and trying to buy a tropical island" demographic that more or less dominates that kind of obtuseness.
posted by loquacious at 1:05 PM on November 8, 2011

I think the gay porn CIA story could be part of a living meme, a copypasta that gets changed, edited, and fowarded as it passes through people's spam filters, slowly becoming bigger and stranger until someone gets the bright idea to tie it to a bot that can edit and send itself, thus creating the world's first living, sentient CIA gay porn thriller.
posted by The Whelk at 1:08 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

I haven't had this much fun on the internets for ages. Oh and about that problem with combining lard with butter and margarine.... :D
posted by Lynsey at 1:09 PM on November 8, 2011

even if it's technically incorrect.

Actually, scratch that. I successfully confused myself, which I find easier and easier to do. It's like a new adventure every day.
posted by OmieWise at 1:15 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

So it would be a bad idea to have a meetup based around doing shots and abusing the contact form, right?
posted by villanelles at dawn at 1:27 PM on November 8, 2011 [7 favorites]

I can't remember which governing body accredits testicle cooking competitions.
posted by ardgedee at 1:29 PM on November 8, 2011

Durn Bronzefist: "You're sure we can't comp some accounts for these people?"

tehy gives when I pull duck
posted by vanar sena at 1:30 PM on November 8, 2011

So it would be a bad idea to have a meetup based around doing shots and abusing the contact form, right?

Not if you let me know when it's happening so I can throw a counter-meetup on the admin interface. I'll bring a bottle of scotch and a banhammer, it'll be good.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:31 PM on November 8, 2011 [15 favorites]

Horselover Phattie: "> jab tujhe yeh msg karna milne ka yeh msg

That looks like slang Malaysian or Indonesian--"something something because your msg" but I can't tell."

It's transliterated Hindi, but composed just as well as the messages in English. Rough translation:

"When you get do this message this message"
posted by vanar sena at 1:35 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Not if you let me know when it's happening so I can throw a counter-meetup on the admin interface. I'll bring a bottle of scotch and a banhammer, it'll be good.

I liked it better when you were cats.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 1:37 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

need some help about
kicking out a dam roommate
he paids his rent on time
and its on a month to month
and he does what he wants to do
and ask him not to do something
and turns around in does at anyway
and he is a dam drunk
please help me
thanks very much

strangely lyrical.
posted by estlin at 1:37 PM on November 8, 2011

strangely lyrical.

Sounds like a Mefi Music contest!
posted by odinsdream at 1:39 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I can't believe you guys keep that Famous Website Award on the toilet.
posted by Kabanos at 1:45 PM on November 8, 2011

This entry (hi all mens!) and this one (I will like to become a male pornstars) seem like star-crossed lovers.

I'm curious - is there no random spam coming in using different languages? My public inboxes at work are littered primarily with different alphabets/characters than English ones these days...
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 1:51 PM on November 8, 2011

When I heard about this on the podcast I thought "I bet a lot of people don't believe them about the crazy shit they get."

But I believe. Because I have seen it with my very own eyes.

For a few years back at the turn of the century, I ran a modest little website that pretended to be an internet church/religion. One day on a whim I created the Confessional, which was just a big form that dumped into a MySQL database that I could peruse at my leisure.

The stuff that people will type into a big empty form is shocking, confusing, and utterly inexplicable. I salute the mods for having to deal with it as part of their jobs.
posted by ErikaB at 1:53 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm curious - is there no random spam coming in using different languages? My public inboxes at work are littered primarily with different alphabets/characters than English ones these days...

Not much, really. The rate it appears on the blog here is about representative of the overall rate. I think the need to locate and go through a specific form may just seriously undercut the amount of random spam from non-English sources that gets through.

By comparison, I just peeked into my gmail spam folder and it's pretty much wall-to-wall Russian text. Different vectors, different results I guess.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:56 PM on November 8, 2011

I thought you said you were enjoying those samples from my novel, cortex :( :( :(
posted by griphus at 1:57 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

The penis enlargement chapter was a little long. And that viagra motif isn't exactly subtle.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 2:02 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

masterbaba
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:06 PM on November 8, 2011

Sorry, I had lots of ideas for commentary but all my words ruined the genius of the one that mattered, so I just went ahead and posted it by itself.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:07 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Every once in a while I get people contacting me because of an immigration question I once asked on the Green. These are usually fairly heart-breaking situations those people are in, basically at their wit's end. Since it's not really a deluge (I've never had to deal with more than one at a time) I don't mind, and I just share my experience and tell them what I did and recommend that they get a lawyer and seek comfort and help from family and whatever extended social network they have (be it work, church or something else). Every once in a while, when the people seem especially over their head I dredge up various phone numbers they can call in their area for organizations that can help them out. That's about the extent of the help I can offer.

I sometimes wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation with an old AskMe question of theirs, being contacted by people in desperate straits.
posted by Kattullus at 2:26 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

How dare you surpress news of the 2009 World Testicle Cooking Championship Promotion
posted by mannequito at 2:47 PM on November 8, 2011

Reading the tumblr revealed a whole new way in which I have been operantly conditioned by the Internets, because *more than once* I tried to find out what had been redacted by highlighting it.
posted by gingerest at 3:41 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]

Finally, had you asked for a donation, I would have gladly paypal’d you double what you wanted. Moreover, a registration fee you’ve got to be kidding me!

missed opportunities.
posted by Sailormom at 3:44 PM on November 8, 2011

I tried to find out what had been redacted by highlighting it.
Yeah, me too. I also clicked on a link and was delighted to see that the address had the little redaction-squares too.
posted by lekvar at 3:44 PM on November 8, 2011

Also, you have blown. my. tiny. mind with the meta-ness of a contact form on the MetaFilter site Contact Form site. Recursive!
posted by gingerest at 3:45 PM on November 8, 2011

The best one I've seen so far is this one:

we are in Sierra Leone West Africa doing drama in our own little way

Not only is that first line completely awesome, with its rhythmic swagger and euphemistic menacing, but it goes on to try to convince you that, yes, we only want to buy guns and have you send them to us in Sierra Leone because – well, because we're putting on stage plays. Really, it's our interest in the fine craft of the theater that leads us to ask you to send us weapons by mail.
posted by koeselitz at 3:48 PM on November 8, 2011 [9 favorites]

i prefer to believe there is a drama troupe in Sierra Leone that is just really committed.
posted by The Whelk at 3:57 PM on November 8, 2011 [10 favorites]

These are amazing, me and the wife have been laughing like drains for half an hour now.
posted by Iteki at 4:03 PM on November 8, 2011

I sometimes wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation with an old AskMe question of theirs, being contacted by people in desperate straits.

Not a question but a comment I made in AskMe. It's why I'm now very specific in my MeMail Me About section of my profile--I can't help anyone get a job in the oil fields here and people have asked. Pretty heartbreaking to hear their stories and then be completely unable to help.
posted by librarylis at 4:06 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Did...did they just use "lol" as a way of signing off their letter? I'm not sure what to think about that.
posted by ZsigE at 4:07 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

hi all mens
posted by lazaruslong at 4:10 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

ZsigE: “Did...did they just use ‘lol’ as a way of signing off their letter? I'm not sure what to think about that.”

Yes, they did. And from henceforth I am signing all of my correspondence that way.

Lol,
Koeselitz
posted by koeselitz at 4:25 PM on November 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

I think some ESL people on the internets are under the impression that LOL means "lots of love". I knew a really cool French girl who would do that and was totally mortified when I set her straight.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 4:32 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

i worry that some of these are from me the last few days because this sounds a lot like my internal discourse while on percosets

esp. the HI ALL MENS thing oh god
posted by elizardbits at 4:33 PM on November 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

well hello there
posted by loquacious at 4:40 PM on November 8, 2011

Hey girl. Lol.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 4:41 PM on November 8, 2011

Hey! Hey!

C'mere.




You ready?


You sure?


okay











_MASTERBABA
posted by infinitewindow at 4:48 PM on November 8, 2011 [6 favorites]

I'm somewhat curious about who the accrediting body is for a Testicle-Cooking championship. At least it's on the house!
posted by brainmouse at 4:52 PM on November 8, 2011

It's not just ESL people who think "LOL" means "Lots Of Love." A lot of unsophisticated computer users do as well (by which I mostly mean "elderly parents" but I wouldn't want to generalize).
posted by ErikaB at 4:54 PM on November 8, 2011

a person can not be told what Masterbaba is they must experience it first hand
posted by The Whelk at 4:58 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm going to start reading it as Lots of Love cause that makes me happy.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 4:58 PM on November 8, 2011

Personally I am highly disappointed that none of you chose to attend the Testicle Cooking Competition. What better way to show your commitment to the destruction of the boyzone? Lead by example.
posted by sarahnade at 4:58 PM on November 8, 2011

butts lots of love
posted by The Whelk at 4:59 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

lots of love @ whelk
posted by villanelles at dawn at 5:00 PM on November 8, 2011

Love it
posted by radioamy at 5:09 PM on November 8, 2011

Did...did they just use "lol" as a way of signing off their letter? I'm not sure what to think about that.

My friend tells the story of a friend's mom, who thought LOL stood for "lots of love" until she tried to comfort someone who had received a cancer diagnosis.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 5:18 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ahem.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 5:19 PM on November 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

I like it when they're addressed to Metafilter. It's not the site managers they want to talk to, no, but the site itself.
posted by meese at 5:46 PM on November 8, 2011

Dear Metafilter,

I never thought I'd be writing a story like this, but.... and they all had cameras... the taters were delicious....
posted by cmyk at 6:06 PM on November 8, 2011

EmpressCallipygos: "....No fair, I can't get tumblr at the computer I'm at now!"

Well, I can, but not when they have 'shit' in the URL. Lucky there are more ways to access the 'net at work than my work computer or I would have missed these gems. Now I have a screen staring at me that says 'Ask me anything' and it's all I can do to resist the temptation. Don't you people already have enough stupid shit to deal with?
posted by dg at 6:11 PM on November 8, 2011

I am not a liar. You Kkow all my information. Check my honesty out. I sleep with GOOD conscience

The mental image here is Benjamin Netanyahu frantically 'posting this to every forum'.
posted by Anything at 6:12 PM on November 8, 2011

Ask me anything really means Ask CORTEX anything despite what my license plate may say.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:29 PM on November 8, 2011

Not if you let me know when it's happening so I can throw a counter-meetup on the admin interface. I'll bring a bottle of scotch and a banhammer, it'll be good.

That reminds me of the time I jokingly told my boss I was "working" from "home". His response: That's cool, we'll send you your "paycheck" at the end of the month.
posted by A dead Quaker at 6:36 PM on November 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ahem.

I swear that was presented to me as a real story! Next you'll be telling me little Timmy isn't really collecting postcards.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 6:52 PM on November 8, 2011

Cooking with balls.
posted by msali at 7:18 PM on November 8, 2011

Metafilter: We’re adults. We can discuss widgets like reasonable people.
posted by XMLicious at 7:18 PM on November 8, 2011

I love this so much.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:32 PM on November 8, 2011

I really don't think I should be laughing this hard right before bedtime.

And Cortex you are a tag God.

LOL, Gravy

P.S. If by any chance you ARE sending out catalogs and coupons, please send some to me.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:33 PM on November 8, 2011

I kept track of them by hand for a year or so

Thank you for clarifying that. I started reading all the ones dated 11/8 and thought, "Dear Ghod! They got all this crap today?
posted by Bruce H. at 8:09 PM on November 8, 2011

Ha--I have like fifty of these in my spam folder at any given moment.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 8:20 PM on November 8, 2011

> I'm somewhat curious about who the accrediting body is for a Testicle-Cooking championship. At least it's on the house!

I'm guessing it is associated with the aptly named ballcup.com website I just found via google.
posted by mrzarquon at 9:52 PM on November 8, 2011

I hope you get the following email, so that you can post it too:

Dear Sir/Madam ,

We are happy to introduce ourself as manufacturer and exporter of canned Mushrooms from China. We have 20 years experience in exporting this item. Our factory has a completed set of quality standard system of authority certificates such as HACCP, BRC, ISO. Our quality has been approved by many clients from different countries, we export around 15000 tons every year. So we do hope that we can expand our business to your market through your endeavors.

The new crop season for mushrooms just come up now, I like to offer you our favorable prices as follows:

Canned Mushrooms P&S( 2840g *6tins/D.W .1930g ): USD25.10/CTN FOB Xiamen China

Canned Mushrooms Sliced( 2840g *6tins/D.W .1500g ): USD25.60/CTN FOB Xiamen China

Canned Mushrooms Whole( 2840g *6tins/D.W .1800g ): USD31.60/CTN FOB Xiamen China

Canned Mushrooms P&S( 425g *24tins/D.W.2279): USD14.20/CTN FOB Xiamen China

Canned Mushrooms Sliced( 425g *24tins/D.W .227g ): USD17.10/CTN FOB Xiamen China

Canned Mushrooms Whole( 425g *24tins/D.W .227g ): USD17.00/CTN FOB Xiamen China

Canned Mushrooms P&S( 800g *24tins/D.W .400g ): USD26.00/CTN FOB Xiamen China

Canned Mushrooms Whole( 800g *24tins/D.W .400g ): USD30.80/CTN FOB Xiamen China

If you need the other packing sizes or need CIF or CNF price, let me know, we can also offer you.

If you like to know more about our products, please contact my e-mail: ....

If you have any opinion or other requirement, please feel free to advise me, I would like to try our best to cooperate with you.

We are appreciating your early reply.

Thanks & Best regards.

Mr. Huang Zuoying
Etc.


Detail contact information:

Contact person : Mr.Huang Zuoying (Export Manager)
posted by growabrain at 12:32 AM on November 9, 2011

Nooooo! Can't get tumblr behind the great firewall. Have to wait until I get home to my VPN at the end of the week.

Just how good is this, is it testicles all the way down?
posted by arcticseal at 12:46 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

You didn't even ask us if we wanted the keychains. :(
posted by Adventurer at 1:19 AM on November 9, 2011 [5 favorites]

Cooking with balls.

Finally KFC's Double Down makes sense!
posted by mannequito at 1:35 AM on November 9, 2011

I love this, though God knows I've gotten my fill of this through my own work. I'm a literary agent and former acquisitions editor, so I've received more than my share of whackaloon pitches (keep in mind, when I was an acq editor, the company gave a lot of its damaged copies to prisons so...safe to say, we got a shitload of weird emails and phonecalls). Even better, my significant other wrote a book about Obama a few years ago, and as a result was peppered with emails addressed directly to...Obama. (Note: not as racist as expected, so there's that.)

My "favorite" whackaloon response was the guy (convicted of boiling his roommate's head on a stovetop and serving it to homeless people) who wrote a letter to one of our authors who mentioned his case, disputing the facts of it. He signed it "LOVE" in a way that I can't convey well through text, but that gives me the creeps to this day. I saved a copy of it, and wanted to make a rubber stamp of it.
posted by carrienation at 2:35 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Buick keychains was one I hadn't seen that made me snortlaugh because the referring page is titled "Flying pigeon run over by Buick." I was thinking we probably would have received the same offer if the title was "Buicks Found to Cause Painful Hemorrhoids."
posted by taz (staff) at 3:47 AM on November 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

carrienation, we should compare notes sometime (I'm a literary manager for a theater company and we run a playwriting contest every year). So far one of my favorite pitches was from a guy who called for staging that violated the laws of fluid dynamics. And then there was the guy who actually called for a sound effect to be produced by "a crash box filled with meat."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:52 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Right. I am sitting down at my desk and I am not getting up until I've written a play about foreman of a Chinese canned mushroom factory who dreams of opening a McDonalds in Bishkek. It will require a crash box filled with Buick keychains for sound effects.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:40 AM on November 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

masterbaba


MASTER. BABA.
posted by fetamelter at 5:54 AM on November 9, 2011

You're never ready for master baba. Why do I suspect a trench coat is involved?
posted by empyrean at 6:52 AM on November 9, 2011

Chalk + vaseline = clean couch

Oh, this is a good morning indeed.
posted by MustardTent at 6:54 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

2bucksplus: "Who edits your site indeed."

Our mods absolutely need "Who edits your site?" shirts.
posted by Songdog at 7:01 AM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is great, but it really should have been named fred.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:03 AM on November 9, 2011

I hope you get the following email, so that you can post it too:

Man, like I think Matt said up thread, we get so many of those weird product pitches (though no Canned Mushrooms that I can recall). I've actually gone light on them because they tend to be very wordy with not so much payoff, but, yeah. I should do a roundup of things we've been offered for sale or asked to sell in that format.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:08 AM on November 9, 2011

i have magicods. in my pants.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 8:16 AM on November 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

If it were prominently displayed in the top right corner of the site, how much higher volume would this stuff be?

There's only one way to find out, and it's the way that gets us like fifty times more posts at this tumblr. Win-win, I say.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:24 AM on November 9, 2011

This is completely hilarious and awesome.
posted by Lutoslawski at 10:53 AM on November 9, 2011

carrienation: "...the guy (convicted of boiling his roommate's head on a stovetop and serving it to homeless people)..."

Dear EatMe,

I need your best human head recipes! Marinades! Spice combinations! Side dishes! Serving it with lady fingers: tacky or no?

Love....
posted by zarq at 11:05 AM on November 9, 2011

I hope some of these make the next MeFi t-shirt run.
posted by arcticseal at 6:46 PM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

OMG I contacted the mods once recently for something probably silly (a suspected spam post or something?) and it took me FOREVER to find the damn contact form. I feel really stupid now lol
posted by 1000monkeys at 8:31 PM on November 9, 2011

carrienation: "... the guy (convicted of boiling his roommate's head on a stovetop and serving it to homeless people)..."

Dear AskMe: I have an uncooked human head that has been sitting on the bench since last night. Is it safe for homeless people to eat? I would have cooked it earler, but I was busy removing my toilet from its mountings.
posted by dg at 8:34 PM on November 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh my. Off to drink a gallon of hooch and compose my literary masterpiece.
posted by SakuraK at 10:42 PM on November 9, 2011

"It passed the House, but didn’t make it through the Senate, and has as much force in law as a napkin with a stick-figure drawing of an angry lawyer on it."

I chuckled for almost a while.
posted by subbes at 11:33 AM on November 10, 2011

needs more baseball cards
posted by not_on_display at 12:47 PM on November 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Favorite set of tags so far: conspiracy theory, or maybe porn. I simultaneously really do and absolutely do not want to know what the rest of the post in question contained.
posted by EvaDestruction at 10:43 AM on November 12, 2011

We are also open to other link ideas and opportunities, feel

free to suggest 3 way,

:D

article exchange, and other advertising possibilities.

:|
posted by Rhaomi at 1:28 AM on November 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Still love this site! What does it mean when an entry has notes? I cannot find the notes to read, and am extremely concerned I am missing out on further hilarity. Please hope.
posted by onlyconnect at 7:41 PM on November 13, 2011

"notes" is tumblr's built-in like/reblog tracking function. Most of the time a note just means someone gave the post a little heart of approval; sometimes it means they reblogged it to their own tumblr, possibly with a sliver of added commentary. So, not missing much. Different themes surface the details of an entry's notes to a greater or lesser extent, I honestly didn't look to see what this theme did when I picked it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:42 PM on November 13, 2011

Oh, sorry for my tumblr incompetence. Thanks, cortex!
posted by onlyconnect at 9:00 PM on November 13, 2011

i don’t want to change my password,i don’want to lose my friends. can you help. please?

Someone needs to make this a song. It might have to be me.
posted by SpiffyRob at 6:26 AM on November 14, 2011 [2 favorites]

Fuck that I'm reanimating Robert Johnson for this.
posted by griphus at 7:20 AM on November 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

"F███ Interns. Get Internships. All with a personal touch."

This here is the case FOR censorship: HUMOR
posted by not_on_display at 12:20 PM on November 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

Heh.
posted by zarq at 6:06 PM on November 16, 2011

I can't wait to use the divulgation tag. It sounds dirty.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:18 AM on November 17, 2011

what the I don't even
posted by juv3nal at 10:21 AM on November 23, 2011 [1 favorite]