I'm suffering from a painful goiter

May 11, 2012 11:25 AM

Thorn: "Ask Metafilter: Thousands of life's little questions, answered."
"I'm suffering from a painful goiter."
Thorn: "Even the weird ones."
A short commercial appears on the front page of AskMe if you're, get this, not logged in.

Neat, huh?

posted by carsonb to MetaFilter-Related at 11:25 AM (97 comments total)

We think so! We just added this yesterday. You can click the [x] to hide the box if you're logged out and don't want to see it anymore.
posted by pb (staff) at 11:28 AM on May 11, 2012

Cue 30,000 members logging out simultaneously.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:31 AM on May 11, 2012 [6 favorites]

Oh, and it provides the search function (but only for AskMe) to people who don't have accounts.

I understand that AskMe drives most of the unique visitors to the site - is this part of increasing functionality for them?
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:32 AM on May 11, 2012

Cue 30,000 members logging out simultaneously.

That's what spare browsers are for! It makes me happy to think that Safari has a reason to live.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:33 AM on May 11, 2012 [19 favorites]

That's what spare browsers are for!

And that's what Chrome's Incognito mode is for! (File » New Incognito Window.)
posted by pb (staff) at 11:36 AM on May 11, 2012 [11 favorites]

Pardon my ignorance, but who's the other guy?
posted by carsonb at 11:37 AM on May 11, 2012

(File » New Incognito Window.)

CTRL+SHIFT+N on my keyboard works too. (Plus ALT+TAB, ALT+F4 to close the default window, if needed.)
posted by carsonb at 11:38 AM on May 11, 2012

Adam Lisagor, of Sandwich Video fame.
posted by pb (staff) at 11:39 AM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]

I enjoy this. Muchly.
posted by Night_owl at 11:40 AM on May 11, 2012

Forgive my ignorance...but why would you put an ad for the website on the website? If they're already here, isn't your work done? Or is this just fan service for folks who found it by way of Bullseye?
posted by to sir with millipedes at 11:42 AM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wonder what the search stats look like now for "painful goiter"
posted by deezil at 11:45 AM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]

Does this mean the modcast is going to become part of Thorn's media empire?
posted by Think_Long at 11:45 AM on May 11, 2012

Ha! That was great. I watched in IE, which I have on my work machine in part because we have some legacy thing still drifting around that will only work in IE.
posted by rtha at 11:46 AM on May 11, 2012

why would you put an ad for the website on the website?

We'd like to help people who might not be familiar with Ask MetaFilter understand what's happening in the wall of text below. Visiting the site is one thing, understanding it long enough to stick around is another. This is just a little help, and a bit more visibility for searching so people can find something relevant for them to get a sense of the site.
posted by pb (staff) at 11:47 AM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

Exactly, yeah. We get a lot of driveby traffic from search engine stuff in particular, but also from links from other blogs and such, and something that gives a really simple basic sense of "what is this place for" can help those folks feel a little bit more oriented if they decide to stick around for an extra click or two.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:55 AM on May 11, 2012

Thorn's media empire

*spit-take*
posted by Doleful Creature at 11:55 AM on May 11, 2012

He's the Rupert Murdoch of congenial podcasting.
posted by Think_Long at 11:57 AM on May 11, 2012 [5 favorites]

Can we get one of these for MeTa as well? Except it only displays for logged-in users and instead of a cute little exchange, it's a street fight.
posted by griphus at 11:58 AM on May 11, 2012 [28 favorites]

MetaTalk: Only the weird ones.
posted by griphus at 11:59 AM on May 11, 2012 [11 favorites]

If you only paid $5 for it, you're not the customer; you're the product being sold.
posted by R. Schlock at 12:01 PM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

Nonsense, I am a sandwich,
posted by Foci for Analysis at 12:05 PM on May 11, 2012 [3 favorites]

I really wanted them to walk on to the page a la Michael Steele. Postage stamp video was not what I expected.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:09 PM on May 11, 2012 [3 favorites]

What's so weird about a painful goiter?
posted by slogger at 12:09 PM on May 11, 2012 [3 favorites]

maybe "painful goiter" was the only medical problem that didn't turn up a search result.

Well, except for this one.
posted by tilde at 12:11 PM on May 11, 2012

If you are a bag of chips sitting on the shelf and your contents have settled during shipping and someone has shelved you and used a pricing gun to put a price tag on you, you're not the customer; you're the product being sold, and why did you think you were the customer in the first place and how are you even reading this?
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:11 PM on May 11, 2012 [31 favorites]

Holy shit a talking monster
posted by griphus at 12:14 PM on May 11, 2012 [17 favorites]

Before I go check this out, are there also a bunch of Chevy cars splashed all over the background?
posted by Rocket Surgeon at 12:15 PM on May 11, 2012 [14 favorites]

Crud. Doesn't play for mobile devices.
posted by Rocket Surgeon at 12:20 PM on May 11, 2012

Introducing CRUD™!
posted by Nomyte at 12:34 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Link to video
posted by neustile at 12:35 PM on May 11, 2012

I actually looked up goiters in Wikipedia (because I'm that bored) to find out if they had advice on how to treat one.

Along with that, Wikipedia mentions that both George H.W. and Barbara Bush had goiters, and that the odds of a husband and wife both having them could be as low as 1 in 3 million.

This completely pointless fact was brought to you by Morton's Iodized Salt!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:42 PM on May 11, 2012 [5 favorites]

Safari>Private Browsing... will get you there too.
posted by unSane at 12:42 PM on May 11, 2012

Who is Thorn? Seems from the discussion that I should know... but I don't.
posted by heyho at 12:42 PM on May 11, 2012

You're late Nomyte. CRUD™ was introduced in the late seventies as a follow-up to the ever popular LOG™.
posted by Rocket Surgeon at 12:43 PM on May 11, 2012

Oh, look! Tags! (Sorry, didn't see that in my mad rush for information.)
posted by heyho at 12:44 PM on May 11, 2012

Along with that, Wikipedia mentions that both George H.W. and Barbara Bush had goiters, and that the odds of a husband and wife both having them could be as low as 1 in 3 million.

To try to help Texans on their quest for dietary iodine, let me say that prairie oysters are not, in fact, oysters at all.
posted by Nomyte at 12:51 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Can we get one of these for MeTa as well? Except it only displays for logged-in users and instead of a cute little exchange, it's a street fight.

Something like this.
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:53 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Logged out to view, then spent several panicked seconds trying to remember my MeFi password. Think my goiter is now inflamed.
posted by arcticseal at 12:54 PM on May 11, 2012 [9 favorites]

Yeah, goiterist.
posted by thinkpiece at 12:55 PM on May 11, 2012

heyho: "Who is Thorn? Seems from the discussion that I should know... but I don't."

Jesse Thorn is a public radio host and podcaster. He's YoungAmerican on MetaFilter.
posted by brundlefly at 12:59 PM on May 11, 2012

We also would have accepted 4x Hot for Teacher.
posted by boo_radley at 1:02 PM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'm to scared to log out of metafilter. What if I can't ever get back in?
posted by Vaike at 1:08 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Go on out there kid, we'll leave the light on for ya.
posted by Think_Long at 1:11 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I actually wonder if putting a medical question in the commercial was not the best idea. The vast majority of us aren't medical professionals, and while for the most part these questions can be anecdotal to some degree, it's probably among the worst (or maybe actually the worst) kind of question you can ask here. If only because most of the time people will just tell you to see a doctor.

But I guess that's probably the best advice in those situation, so maybe it's not so bad?

Hm.
posted by two lights above the sea at 1:26 PM on May 11, 2012

Is this where we complain because we logged out to see it (before reading the helpful advice in the comments) and then couldn't remember our password because we're always logged on everywhere? Because, yeah, that.

Think the ads neat though. Totally worth it.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:33 PM on May 11, 2012

I actually wonder if putting a medical question in the commercial was not the best idea.

I thought they only used it because the word "goiter" is just inherantly funny.

You know it is. Only the word "pants" is funnier.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:35 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Eh, just add those fine print statements to the bottom of the video like we see in all the car and food commercials.
posted by CancerMan at 1:36 PM on May 11, 2012

I contend that 'trousers' is funnier than 'pants.'
posted by shakespeherian at 1:43 PM on May 11, 2012

Or, as the puppet musical said, "The Internet Is For Thorn".

And don't loiter on the goiter.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:43 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

The video should end just as Jesse is about to gnaw on a chicken drumstick he's picked off the floor.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 1:51 PM on May 11, 2012

pants is funnier if a british person says it because they're probably talking about underwear. when watching old episodes of british quiz shoes i will always laugh if someone describes something about pants.
posted by nadawi at 1:56 PM on May 11, 2012

Somehow the idea of irritating and intrusive ads that reduce the useabillity of the site is filling me with giggles. Like, what if it were full-screen autoplay, but instead of two guys in a room, there were explosions and a car chase?

I think I finally understand what it's like to be Michael Bay. He's telling an elaborate joke!

Wait for it....
posted by anotherpanacea at 2:03 PM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

I would think that most search engine traffic sends someone to a specific thread, in which case this wouldn't this be more useful within threads? What if you put it at the bottom of the thread? Maybe with a "Want to sign up and help? It's only $5!" This sort of leads to Chevy ad territory though...
posted by Big_B at 2:48 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

in which case this wouldn't this be more useful within threads?
posted by Big_B at 2:49 PM on May 11, 2012

in which case wouldn't this be more useful within threads?

I think it could be useful there, yeah. But the front page is where you're more likely to have a what is this moment. A thread has a question at the top, there are answers, and you probably arrived there searching for a specific topic. The front page of Ask is general, has a wide scope, and we do get a good amount of traffic there.
posted by pb (staff) at 2:54 PM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

It's MeTa so I am allowed to randomly say that I adore Jesse Thorn with big fat hearts coming out of my head.
posted by JLovebomb at 3:13 PM on May 11, 2012

Here's a person on AskMe who came today to ask about his painful goiter. This ad is fraudulent, since the community can't actually help him much.
posted by Nomyte at 3:24 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Thanks to this, I'm now grinding my teeth over 'login' and 'logout' not being 'log in' and 'log out'. Which was probably exactly the intended result.

They should be two-word phrases for the imperatives, right?
posted by carbide at 3:31 PM on May 11, 2012

Can we get one of these for MeTa as well?

This might work
posted by lampshade at 3:33 PM on May 11, 2012 [9 favorites]

Man it's been so long since I've seen anything other than the professional white background that I had a nice little out of body experience.
posted by Divine_Wino at 3:39 PM on May 11, 2012 [3 favorites]

It's MeTa so I am allowed to randomly say that I adore Jesse Thorn with big fat hearts farts coming out of my head.
posted by JLovebomb at 6:13 PM on May 11 [+] [!]

FTFY
posted by two lights above the sea at 3:42 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

So how much does an ad on askme go for these days? I have $5 burning a hole in my pocket.
posted by cjorgensen at 3:55 PM on May 11, 2012

Man it's been so long since I've seen anything other than the professional white background that I had a nice little out of body experience (Divine_Wino)

I had the PWB for the longest time, so as to be unobtrusive when I had MeFi up at work. Just a couple weeks ago, I realized that, having left that job last summer, I don't have to have the PWB anymore! I'm back to blue, green, and gray. Yay!
posted by ocherdraco at 4:25 PM on May 11, 2012

Thanks to this, I'm now grinding my teeth over 'login' and 'logout' not being 'log in' and 'log out'. Which was probably exactly the intended result.

When when chooses to log in, one experiences a login. One enjoys a nice logout when they deign to log out. We're all about the experiential thing around here.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:35 PM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

Maybe add this at the bottom of questions?
posted by Mick at 4:44 PM on May 11, 2012

Love the site. Love the idea of this ad. (Marketing to new customers to create a sense of familiarity, and induce a likelihood to explore it further knowing at least something about the place is a phenomenal idea.) Terrible, terrible execution. That ad was horrible. It was creepy and not funny.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 4:45 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

>>One enjoys a nice logout

Where you see God and hundreds of cute little fat people appear floating in the air?
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 4:50 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want to see this during the next Community or Fringe commercial break.
posted by crunchland at 5:02 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'd even settle for Mythbusters. And I won't even fast forward through it.
posted by crunchland at 5:03 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

Here's a person on AskMe who came today to ask about his painful goiter. This ad is fraudulent, since the community can't actually help him much.
posted by Nomyte

Actually, Nomyte, he specifically states that whatever he's got, it's not painful:

It isn't painful or tender as far as I am concerned.

And you ignored that in your answer, as well as here:

Alternatively, would you happen to have a painful goiter?
posted by jamjam at 5:35 PM on May 11, 2012

You know that Nomyte was trying to make a joke. And I know that you know that he knows that he was trying to make a joke.
posted by euphorb at 5:42 PM on May 11, 2012

Em, wasn't there a time when we were told not to ask medical questions? How things change...
posted by travelwithcats at 5:43 PM on May 11, 2012

Only the word "pants" is funnier.

I've got a goiter in my pants!
posted by octobersurprise at 5:51 PM on May 11, 2012

When one chooses to log in, one experiences a login.

MetaFilter Motel Mo' Hell

You can log in but you can never log out.

ftfybtw
posted by y2karl at 5:54 PM on May 11, 2012

Em, wasn't there a time when we were told not to ask medical questions? How things change...

Nope. They have always been allowed. Some users believe they shouldn't be. Nothing changes.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:08 PM on May 11, 2012

You know that Nomyte was trying to make a joke. And I know that you know that he knows that he was trying to make a joke.

Now I do, but when I first read that answer I didn't-- and more to the point, the asker didn't necessarily either, and when you make a joke the other party isn't in on, it tends to make them the butt of that joke, a circumstance Nomyte only compounds by telling him he shouldn't be asking the question in the first place.
posted by jamjam at 6:19 PM on May 11, 2012

You know it is. Only the word "pants" is funnier.

Cumberbatch.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:38 PM on May 11, 2012 [2 favorites]

For better or worse, I ended up flagging that answer as "it breaks the guidelines."
posted by Nomyte at 6:38 PM on May 11, 2012

Better, I'd say, and I applaud you for it (not that I'm trying to make you regret your generosity by approving of you!).
posted by jamjam at 6:55 PM on May 11, 2012

Along with that, Wikipedia mentions that both George H.W. and Barbara Bush had goiters

It's true! They named them Jeb and George Jr.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:50 PM on May 11, 2012 [15 favorites]

On the plus side, a goitre will get you a make-out session with Gandhi.
posted by unliteral at 9:03 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I like that you get to see the camera rig at the end.
posted by nightwood at 9:20 PM on May 11, 2012

Huh, is that how you say it? I thought it was pronounced like "GOT-YEH"..?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:45 PM on May 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I liked the gratuitous "we've got 2 cameras!" edit halfway though.
LET ME MAKE ONE FOR MUSIC.
posted by chococat at 10:03 PM on May 11, 2012 [4 favorites]

You should build this up into a rotating series of ads / teasers based on classic AskMe's.

Should I eat it? Zombie apocalypse? Dead body? Attacked by children? Viking funerals? White slavery? DTMFA?
posted by Pinback at 10:46 PM on May 11, 2012 [5 favorites]

So I guess you wouldn't like this as a post on the blue?
posted by Seymour Zamboni at 4:45 AM on May 12, 2012

Uh talk about burying the lead.

LET CHOCOCAT MAKE ONE FOR MUSIC!
posted by lazaruslong at 7:58 AM on May 12, 2012

Yessss....let hiiiiim
posted by The Whelk at 8:05 AM on May 12, 2012

Sweet!

I'M STILL WAITING FOR SEASON TWO OF RAFFLERS, YOU KNOW.
posted by cashman at 8:06 AM on May 12, 2012

One enjoys a nice logout when they deign to log out.

I'm told that as one gets older this gets less frequent but more enjoyable.
posted by infinitewindow at 10:29 AM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wassat? Speak up louder, young'un...
posted by infini at 11:24 AM on May 12, 2012

So how much does an ad on askme go for these days? I have $5 burning a hole in my pocket.

I don't know if you can buy and ad directly from the site. I think they use adsense for most of the ads log-offed users see, and the little ad that most loged-on users see (but not me, since I run adblock most of the time!)) is served by the deck. Ads cost $8.6k per month, and you can't do site specific.

Actually, now that I think about a "classified ads" section might bring in some revenue from loyal users. You could put a little text or image ad by the "Deck" and have low min buy. It could be a source of drama though, someone could buy an ad to flame another user, for example.
posted by delmoi at 4:00 PM on May 12, 2012

A life without the MaxFun network is a life half lived. Jordan, Jesse, Go! My Brother, My Brother, and Me. Stop Podcasting Yourself. Throwing Shade. (And Judge John Hodgman, which I can't listen to, because I'm a lawyer and I just can't -- no judges in my non-work time, thank you very much).

I understand the displeasure at ads, but this is one sponsor I love beyond reason. And no, I'm not a paid shill. If I were, I'd own a lot more shit I didn't need.
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 4:12 PM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Bwahahahahahaha!

Please make one with a bloodied-up person asking how to remove glue from a feral cat. You have my permission. (I'd say you have the cat's too, but she'd probably just bite you.)
posted by cmyk at 9:39 PM on May 12, 2012

You know what? You can take the cat and glue her up again and then make the video.

But you can't give her back when you're finished.
posted by cmyk at 9:57 PM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Not glue


BUTTER.
posted by The Whelk at 9:59 PM on May 12, 2012

My marketing idea is still the best.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:18 PM on May 12, 2012