why was my question deleted?

December 10, 2012 11:11 AM

I posted a question asking what tangible things I could do to improve the lives of people I love. Why was it deleted?

Did I break a rule? I thought the question was specific enough not to be chatfiltery. Should it have been worded differently or something? I really wanted peoples' answers, and it didn't seem (to me) any more vague than a lot of other questions I see. Not angry, just confused.

posted by windykites to Etiquette/Policy at 11:11 AM (32 comments total)

Did you read the deletion reason?

More specificity, in my opinion, is needed.

Also, the question visible outside reads pretty differently than the one inside.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:18 AM on December 10, 2012

Heya, you can view the question at it's original URL (you probably have a mefimail linking to it in your inbox, check the envelope icon near the top right corner of the page), which has the deletion reason directly under the question.

And the short answer is that, yes, it reads as pretty broad and hence chatty as presented; it seems less like "help me figure out this specific thing" and more like a wide net for people to just opine on any possible thing that could make a difference to someone. Narrowing it down to a more specific sort of thing you're trying to understand or goal you're trying to achieve would make for a more workable question.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:19 AM on December 10, 2012

the question is here

for me, this is the part that makes it jump out as chatfilter...

On your deathbed, you're given the chance to thank people for the tangible, practical things they have done to make your life better, easier, happier; things that touched you, whether big or small, frequent or one-time events. What do you thank them for?

it comes off as "lets talk about this thing" instead of "i have a problem that i need solved." phrasing is pretty important when it comes to avoiding the chatfilter deletion.
posted by nadawi at 11:19 AM on December 10, 2012

1) I embarassingly didn't know or forgot that I could view the deletion reason... sorry...

2) ok, I think I can see how the deathbed thing is chatty. I guess I wanted to avoid people talking about what they like to do and more about what things have actually proven valuable. I'll be more careful, thanks.
posted by windykites at 11:30 AM on December 10, 2012

Said before, but needs to be repeated: You're simply asking for trouble if you go out and buy a deathbed.
posted by found missing at 11:35 AM on December 10, 2012 [33 favorites]

You're simply asking for trouble if you go out and buy a deathbed.

The problem is that they are always right next to the daybeds at Ikea, and it's easy to become confused, what with the umlauts.

And the monkeys.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:38 AM on December 10, 2012 [39 favorites]

It wasn't my fault! It wasn't until I got home that I realized someone wrote the 'H' on in marker on my BED THAT HEATS.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:40 AM on December 10, 2012 [5 favorites]

I think I can see how the deathbed thing is chatty
Not even so much that, to my taste, but the "ask ALL the people about ALL their ways and /or what they like to do in a given (deathbed or other) situation just gives too much room for randomness.

(IKEA is still testing the beta version. We'll have to be patient).
posted by Namlit at 11:48 AM on December 10, 2012

If you are wondering what you can do for your own actual relatives, it might be good to say a bit about them - what do they like, what's their background, what kinds of problems they are having that you might want to help with - or what your abilities/constraints are.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 11:54 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Said before, but needs to be repeated: You're simply asking for trouble if you go out and buy a deathbed.

Yes, stick to futons.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:55 AM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Not to be confused with mutons.
posted by zamboni at 11:58 AM on December 10, 2012

Or Teutons. Helmut is uncomfortably lumpy.
posted by Sidhedevil at 12:02 PM on December 10, 2012 [7 favorites]

You've obviously never had a futon collapse under you. Not so much a deathbed as a death trap.
posted by double block and bleed at 12:03 PM on December 10, 2012 [2 favorites]

Especially the ones from WWI with the big metal spike.
posted by double block and bleed at 12:05 PM on December 10, 2012

Why not just flip around the above-the-fold and more-inside parts of the question and let it stand?
posted by Dasein at 12:19 PM on December 10, 2012

I flagged it. I'm still not sure what you want to know. And if it is solely to know how to improve the lives of people you love, which I think is an admirable goal, us AskMeFi potential answerers would find it helpful to know a little more about said people. What makes people's lives better depends a lot on what those people and their tastes are like.
posted by bearwife at 12:21 PM on December 10, 2012

Why not just flip around the above-the-fold and more-inside parts of the question and let it stand?

1. We pretty much never do that level of editing on a post without a direct and pretty much immediately-after-posting request from the poster themself. "I'll just totally reorganize this" isn't on the table in terms of mod tools.

2. I don't really feel like that would make the question workable, in any case. More focus and specificity is what's needed, not reversing the order of the broadly stated paragraphs that are already there.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:22 PM on December 10, 2012

Hey this might not be the place for it, but I think a really good idea would be to get a memail when your post is deleted with the deletion reason, preferably from the mod who deleted it. That way the user knows why and if they want to they can open a dialog with that mod for further detail.

For my last deleted FPP, I didn't know it was gone until after I noticed it was gone from the front page, and I couldn't read the deletion reason until looking it up on the unofficial deleted-threads blog.

I think it could alleviate a lot of bruised feelings and better facilitate communication. or maybe this was suggested before and shot down for whatever reason, in which case ignore this.
posted by hellojed at 12:32 PM on December 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

i think that would just draw more immediate attention to the deletion, causing more threads like this one. you can always get back to your thread by following the link in the memail that gets automatically sent when you make a post. i'm also pretty sure deleted threads stay on your recent activity unless you remove them.
posted by nadawi at 12:36 PM on December 10, 2012

i'm also pretty sure deleted threads stay on your recent activity unless you remove them.

They do.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:39 PM on December 10, 2012

Why not just flip around the above-the-fold and more-inside parts of the question and let it stand?

The words "above the fold", "more inside" and "deathbed" have a particularly tragic way of coming together.
posted by drlith at 1:03 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Windykites, I thought this question was interesting and hope it can be reworded to be appropriate for AskMefi; I'll be keeping an eye out for it.
posted by thesocietyfor at 1:30 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

We pretty much never do that level of editing on a post without a direct and pretty much immediately-after-posting request from the poster themself. "I'll just totally reorganize this" isn't on the table in terms of mod tools.

Still, procrustean editing of a post about deathbeds would be rather apropos.
posted by zamboni at 1:40 PM on December 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

no drlith, just no

[shudder]
posted by Namlit at 2:04 PM on December 10, 2012

Bearwife, i deliberately didn't include a lot of specifics about the people because I think that what happens is that we make too many assumptions based on our knowledge of a person. They like smurfs so buy them something with smurfs.

But in retrospect, the things people have bought me aren't what has really made a difference to me most of the time- it's been things like the time a friend let me crash on their couch, or someone who brought me soup when I was sick, or always remembered my birthday and mentioned it, or came with me to an activity they disliked and tried to enjoy it, or helped me move, or made me breakfast in bed unexpectedly- stuff like that. Those seem to be things that most people would appreciate regardless of how they feel about smurfs.

I was hoping to find more things like that to do for the people I care about. I'm going to look for a less chatfiltery way to phrase the question and try again when I get a chance. I think I read something somewhere about it being ok to run questions past the mods before posting; I'm going to check it out and see if that's a real option too.
posted by windykites at 2:28 PM on December 10, 2012

Yep, it's always fine to hit us up at the contact form to pick our brains about something or get a second opinion / spit-take on a post or question draft.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:31 PM on December 10, 2012

windykites, I'm not assuming you want to know what to buy anyone. Making people's lives better isn't a topic that makes me (or, I think, others) assume that shopping advice is in order.

But you do need to share some information before we can help you think of ways to improve others's lives, like something about who those others are and what their tastes are. For example, I truly appreciate that my husband carries things for me, especially when my back hurts. It would drive him crazy if I tried to do that for him, due to his extreme self reliance when it comes to physical tasks.

Look forward to trying to help out when you get this question framed.
posted by bearwife at 3:01 PM on December 10, 2012

Metafilter: Not angry, just confused.
posted by Toekneesan at 10:01 AM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

I anyway thought it was "I am not angry, but deeply, deeply hurt."
posted by Namlit at 10:03 AM on December 11, 2012

The canonical form is "I'm pissed and slightly baffled."
posted by languagehat at 12:11 PM on December 11, 2012

The Dutch version is "mom isn't mad, mom is only very sad"

[moeder is niet boos, moeder is alleen maar heel erg verdrietig]

how did we get here?

oh
right
posted by Namlit at 2:43 PM on December 11, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's "I'm not mad, I'm just... disappointed." around these parts. Sometimes with a side of "I expected so much more from you" or "You've really let me down".
posted by windykites at 8:08 PM on December 11, 2012