BABY SHAKES!

January 8, 2013 1:51 PM

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the world shakespeherian's brand new son Yves Thomas! He looks almost exactly like a fat little pastrami with arms and legs and a tiny blue hat.
posted by elizardbits to MetaFilter-Related at 1:51 PM (181 comments total)

Pics plz.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:51 PM on January 8

Of a pastrami.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:52 PM on January 8 [6 favorites]

Just imagine a pastrami in a hat.
posted by elizardbits at 1:54 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

BEHOLD the heir to the evil crown
posted by elizardbits at 1:55 PM on January 8 [28 favorites]

PICS THOUGH I'M SURE IT HAPPENED

That kid is gonna know how to sidehug sooooooo awkwardly.
posted by SpiffyRob at 1:55 PM on January 8

awwwww. Welcome to MetaFilter and the world, babyshakes!
posted by iamkimiam at 1:55 PM on January 8

Congratulations! I am a fan of behatted pastrami, he said ryely.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:56 PM on January 8 [18 favorites]

Shakes Baby Shakes Baby wearing a hat
Stick two arms and two legs on pastrami
posted by SpiffyRob at 1:56 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Yay! Congrats! Little babies rule.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 1:57 PM on January 8

Within an hour of his birth, Yves has already published a scathing critique of Godard's Le Mépris in Film Quarterly.

We expect great things.
posted by griphus at 1:57 PM on January 8 [7 favorites]

*passes out cigars*
posted by carsonb at 1:57 PM on January 8

Awww, congratulations!
posted by Karmeliet at 1:57 PM on January 8

Well, I'm going to say "Congratulations" instead of making pastrami jokes.

Congrats!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:57 PM on January 8

BORN ON BOWIE'S BIRTHDAY

THIS BABY IS THE LEGAL PROPERTY OF THE GOBLIN KING.
posted by The Whelk at 1:57 PM on January 8 [57 favorites]

I hate to tell you this, elizardbits, but that is not what pastrami looks like. You may just be a cannibal.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:58 PM on January 8 [37 favorites]

I can picture the pastrami, but not the hat. What kind of hat?
posted by boo_radley at 1:58 PM on January 8

ALSO I HAVE INFANTS I CAN SEND OBSCURE GIFTS TO NOW YESSSSS.
posted by The Whelk at 1:58 PM on January 8

♫ Shake, baby, shake, you know I can fit you in my arms... ♪
posted by griphus at 1:59 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Bowie and Elvis!

and Bob Eubanks.
posted by dirtdirt at 2:01 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

Delightful news!
posted by purpleclover at 2:01 PM on January 8

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!
posted by mothershock at 2:02 PM on January 8

YOU REMIND ME OF THE BABE

WHAT BABE?
posted by The Whelk at 2:03 PM on January 8 [4 favorites]

Also: Shirley Bassey, Stephen Hawking, Terry Brooks and Jenny Lewis.
posted by griphus at 2:03 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

*FRANTICALLY GOOGLES DAVID LYNCH THEMED BABY PRODUCTS*
posted by The Whelk at 2:04 PM on January 8 [4 favorites]

Congratulations, shakespeherian and family! And welcome to the world, Yves Thomas!
posted by Kevin Street at 2:05 PM on January 8

Oh, man, how long until babies start to teethe? Because we have that long to figure out how to fabricate a baby-mouth-safe severed ear.
posted by griphus at 2:06 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

You're looking for a blue velvet jumper, Whelk.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:06 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

congrats!
posted by juv3nal at 2:07 PM on January 8

HE HAS BEEN BORN.

Congratulations. Cute name!
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:07 PM on January 8

Teething is the mind killer.
posted by The Whelk at 2:08 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

Oh, so cute. Thanks for making new people! I love all you parents for doing this.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:12 PM on January 8

Yves Thomas

he should have called him "Vyes Thamos" just so everyone can mistake his son's name too. (brb creating that account)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:14 PM on January 8 [4 favorites]

Can one of you please rustle up some pictures of pastramis in hats? This Yves fellow is pretty cute, but not not mouthwateringlydeliciouslooking.

Congratulations!
posted by knile at 2:15 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Still waiting on those pastrami pics tho too tbh.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:15 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

You're getting Captain American plush toys shakes
posted by The Whelk at 2:16 PM on January 8

Ohhhhhh, so that's why there's no CYOABC today, I was getting nervous. Congrats shakespherian and welcome baby shakes!

You are in a strange, dry place. Bright, indistinct lights and loud noises surround you. Nothing makes any sense. You are being hoisted bodily and moved from one position to another by something very large and warm. Nothing makes any sense.

Do you:

A) Make as much noise as possible in hopes of summoning help
B) Rest up for a while and try to make sense of all this later
posted by contraption at 2:18 PM on January 8 [39 favorites]

Oh yay! seriously pictures of a nice person's adorable child were just what I needed at this juncture in space-time.

He is precious and congratulations!
posted by winna at 2:20 PM on January 8

C) Vomit.
posted by The Whelk at 2:20 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

D) Transform and start breakdancing
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:21 PM on January 8

Lovely, congrats. Little chubby babies, squee!
posted by haunted by Leonard Cohen at 2:22 PM on January 8

*Added to favorites*
posted by the young rope-rider at 2:23 PM on January 8

I HEAR PLAYING EUROPEANIAN ART MUSIC CAN STIMULATE AN INFANT'S ENNUI CENTERS.

Also we should get all the recent Mefi Babies and film them seven-up documentary style.

Or make them battle each other.

either/or
posted by The Whelk at 2:26 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

This news has turned my day around. (And finally, I can go back to not checking Google+)

Congratulations!

Very lucky kid -- even before the cool name and great gifts.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:27 PM on January 8

Pretend the bread is a hat.
posted by phunniemee at 2:28 PM on January 8 [5 favorites]

Hooray! Congratulations!
posted by gauche at 2:29 PM on January 8

Excellent! I would shout with joy but I have laryngitis. I will refrain from kissing the baby at this germ-ridden time.

Congrats!

Also, I don't know what kind of "pastrami" you guys have been eating, but baby shakes does not resemble any pastrami I have encountered. Some kind of brat, maybe.
posted by rtha at 2:29 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

my gift shall be the gift of song

my gift shall be the gift of beauty

my gift shall be the gift of being a STONE COLD BADASS
posted by The Whelk at 2:29 PM on January 8

Also, like two months ago I was SUPER ORGANIZED and had all these plans for making a baby gift and they were all set to go and then some things happened and I was also lazy and maybe it'll be a "welcome to being 3 months old, little guy!" baby gift instead.
posted by phunniemee at 2:30 PM on January 8

Also also, shakes, you have gone and made a baby with arms too short to properly sidehug. Those will grow, yes?
posted by phunniemee at 2:31 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

What an adorable baby! I love babies! Welcome to the world, little person!
posted by KathrynT at 2:31 PM on January 8

Congratulations! He is rocking out already!
posted by ChuraChura at 2:32 PM on January 8

Wow. WOW. Can't believe this feature was just rolled out without any of the userbase being consulted. shakespeherian, I'm not trying to tell you what's good or bad for the site, but you'd think you would have at least given us a heads-up about this "baby" you decided we might need?

I don't HATE this -- far from it; I think it's overdue, to be honest -- but to just DECIDE UNILATERALLY to reveal it in this form seems, I dunno, a little irresponsible. Again, I don't have any problems with this, but some problems I have with this are:

- Yves is smaller than most of us.
Now, this might be a design choice that we simply don't see eye-to-eye on, but, like, if I had a baby, I think I would want it to be at least 43 pounds (about 19 kg, for those of you who are not US-ians). Seems like it would be harder to lose?

-Too much white space.
Given that the site's overall color-scheme is blue and yellow, this strikes me as a poor imitation of reddit. Which is fine, and which I don't dislike, but it is something I do dislike, in a way, if you're asking my opinion, which is I'm giving my opinion.

-Lack of unified branding.
Obviously little "Yves" (if that is indeed his name -- note that userbase has to simply CHOOSE to believe that you're telling the truth about this "Baby" -- if it is indeed a baby) doesn't need to have the mefi logo all over it, but maybe ONE mention of metafilter might be appropriate? And I'm not suggesting tattoos, of course, I'm sure there's a way to do this in Ajax.

-Where's the newsfeed?
Pretty self-explanatory.

Overall, I am TOTALLY in favor of this baby -- I would like to make that clear -- but I just think that it could have been rolled out in a way that would make a lot more sense to a lot more of the regular users (not SuperUsers like yourself). I've taken the liberty of presenting a mockup of how the baby could have been unveiled; I don't think it should take too long for you to at least make a quick Greasemonkey script to effect the (frankly, obvious) changes. Thanks in advance.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:34 PM on January 8 [140 favorites]

This child is interfering with CYOABC. I hate him.

OK, not really. Congrats, shakespeherian!
posted by asnider at 2:34 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

i used up an askme on this baby and everything
posted by The Whelk at 2:36 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

Lacks a "Moar Inside" onesie. Seriously, congratulations baby Yves on your arrival!
posted by arcticseal at 2:38 PM on January 8

Areligious

Congratulations RESCINDED.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:39 PM on January 8

When did it have an eye test? And how?

Congrats,
posted by marienbad at 2:40 PM on January 8

D'awww. Congrats, shakes!
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:41 PM on January 8

Between your baby and misskaz's Blink Dog gif, this has been a Good Day for Chicago mefites.
posted by phunniemee at 2:42 PM on January 8

Also since his initials are YT I can only assume that you intend for him to grow up into a skateboard courier who hooks up with a half-black half-Japanese warrior chick to save the world.

well done indeed
posted by elizardbits at 2:43 PM on January 8 [12 favorites]

HURRAY congrats!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:45 PM on January 8

Mmm. Pastrami.
posted by ericb at 2:46 PM on January 8

Greg your mock-up is shit. Here's a much more 2.0 version youre welcome.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:47 PM on January 8 [4 favorites]

Congratulations, Shakespeherian (and Mrs. Shakespeherian!) :)

Welcome to the world, Yves Thomas! You've picked the best parents a baby could ask for! :)
posted by zarq at 2:51 PM on January 8

How exciting. Congrats to dad, mom and baby!
posted by readery at 2:55 PM on January 8

Congrats! How long before we can get him a MeFi account?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:55 PM on January 8

Yay! Cool people having babies is always cool.
posted by minifigs at 2:58 PM on January 8

Congratulations. I'd like to think I, in some small way, helped make this possible.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 3:01 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

I don't think it should take too long for you to at least make a quick Greasemonkey script to effect the (frankly, obvious) changes. Thanks in advance.

The whole thing is beautiful, but for true 'suggestion' awesome no one ever goes for greasemonkey tinkering. You've got to suggest that it would be trivial to make your sweeping and vague coding changes to the baby itself based on your vast technical expertise from that that one time you took care of a friend's hamster while they checked the mail.

Me, no one trusts me to watch stuffed animals (or do large scale code changes), so I am disqualified from baby upgrade suggestion. I do think that they look snazzy in golf caps or bobble caps, what with their wee smushed world-weary faces, but I bow to those with superior skills of baby maintenance.
posted by winna at 3:02 PM on January 8

Awesome, congrats!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 3:03 PM on January 8

Congeratulations!
posted by mochapickle at 3:05 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Awwwww, babespeherian! Welcome to the world, little one.
posted by Elsa at 3:06 PM on January 8

Congrats!
posted by easily confused at 3:10 PM on January 8

Now that I think about it, I'd also like to claim a hand in the Arab Spring and the birth of rock and roll.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 3:14 PM on January 8

The true gift is the third day of sleep deprivation when you see through space, time and the occasional door frame. Congratulations!
posted by GuyZero at 3:14 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

I still have rock and roll's placenta in my freezer.
posted by GuyZero at 3:15 PM on January 8

Baby Shakes
Late at night is when they come out
Baby Shakes
Sure you know what I'm talkin' about
Pink 'n' bright
They make the best kinda MeFite
Baby Shakes
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:15 PM on January 8 [5 favorites]

As the father of three with one in college, you may not realize it, but 10 months ago you made a $1 million decision.

Congratulations!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 3:16 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

welcome to the baby cabal!

wait, did i just say that out loud? can't wait 'til i'm 3 and have some impulse control.

I WANT ICECREAM, NOW!!!
posted by lil ubu at 3:16 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

shakes, I regret to inform you that I am going to have to eat your baby all up. Because that's what we do with the cute ones.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:24 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

Congrats!
posted by lampshade at 3:28 PM on January 8

I was debating what to get for dinner tonight and I think a pastrami sandwich is a fine choice. Thanks baby and congrats!
posted by elsietheeel at 3:32 PM on January 8

Congratulations! Babies are SO MUCH fun!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:39 PM on January 8

Congratulations, and now I want to go to the Carnegie Deli!
posted by languagehat at 3:45 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Katz's or pistols at dawn.
posted by griphus at 3:50 PM on January 8

Is Pistols at Dawn that new locavore place that opened around the corner last month?
posted by rtha at 3:51 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]

Yay, tiny new Mefites!! Congratulations!
posted by sarcasticah at 3:52 PM on January 8

Nope. That's Pistils at Dawn.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:52 PM on January 8 [3 favorites]

There's also that new barbecue churrascaria place, Broadswords in a Pit.
posted by griphus at 3:54 PM on January 8

Never shake a baby.
posted by angerbot at 3:59 PM on January 8

Yay!
posted by XMLicious at 4:02 PM on January 8

Oh precious baby. Congratulations!
posted by Lynsey at 4:03 PM on January 8

Fabulous! Congratulations. It's excellent. And maddening. And excellent.
posted by OmieWise at 4:09 PM on January 8

Oh, happy birthday Baby Shakes and congratulations, Parent Shakes!

(and Zappa keeps singing, "Baaaybeee Shaaayayaykes!"
posted by likeso at 4:10 PM on January 8

(or is that "Parents Shake"...?)
posted by likeso at 4:10 PM on January 8

So nom-nom CUTE! Congratulations! Squee!
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:11 PM on January 8

I think Sir Francis Bacon is the real father.
posted by DU at 4:16 PM on January 8 [4 favorites]

Cute! But I am not seeing the behatted pastrami resemblance. That is because I am more of a Montreal smoked meat kind of a gal.

Seriously though, congrats to parents and baby!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:24 PM on January 8

What a distinguished name! He shall surely do MetaFilter proud...when he can type, that is.

Congratulations!
posted by cooker girl at 4:24 PM on January 8

Lovely name. Beautiful enough to make my ovaries twinge a little bit. Congratulations!
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:28 PM on January 8

I dunno, I'm thinking liverwurst myself...

Congratulations to the proud parents!
posted by Doktor Zed at 4:30 PM on January 8

Oh my gosh, so you were Creating Your Own Adventure By Couple this whole time?! Hooray!

That baby is destined to be so damned amazing, creative and educated I just can't stand it. Little Yves Thomas is like the next generation Neo (well, except he's probably already a better actor than Keanu Reeves).

And just look at that style sense! The hat makes the man, you know.

Congratulations!

I think The Whelk has already appointed himself one of Baby Shakes godparents, btw. Probably best not to disillusion him; he's already really shaken up by the whole Titleocalypse 2013 debacle.
posted by misha at 4:46 PM on January 8

Congrats!
posted by Fig at 4:52 PM on January 8

Welcome to the world, Yves!!! It's a messed up place, but we have pie. You'll learn all about pie later - it's definitely something to look forward to.
posted by sonika at 4:55 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

Not just Bowie's birthday, but Elvis's birthday. Come to think of it, has anyone ever seen Bowie and Elvis in the same room? HMMMMMMMM?!
posted by sonika at 4:56 PM on January 8

Shakes! I didn't even know you were pregnant! Congrats!!
posted by IndigoRain at 5:02 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

I am staring at that picture of Yves with near-silent* adoration as if he were the Infant of Prague.

Congratulations, Shakeseses!

*interrupted by the occasional "woobywoobywooby"
posted by bakerina at 5:03 PM on January 8

Adorable tiny human! GOOD JOB!!!
posted by bibliogrrl at 5:08 PM on January 8

That is a perfectly-sized hat. Good work.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:13 PM on January 8

> Katz's or pistols at dawn.

Katz's has better meat and makes a better sandwich, no question. But the Carnegie gives you A POUND OF PASTRAMI. Put a hat on it and it would look just like Baby Shakes!
posted by languagehat at 5:30 PM on January 8

Awh! Adorable! Congrats! And despite the hard sell, I still don't have a burning desire to put mustard on him, or get him near rye bread. ;)
posted by dejah420 at 5:33 PM on January 8

so delicious
posted by elizardbits at 5:42 PM on January 8

i mean

what

who said that
posted by elizardbits at 5:42 PM on January 8 [8 favorites]

Congratulations!
posted by zennie at 5:52 PM on January 8

congratulations mr. and mrs. shakes!
posted by baniak at 6:07 PM on January 8

Welcome, Yves Thomas!! Congrats to mum & dad!!
posted by goshling at 6:12 PM on January 8

Mazel tov! What an adorable little potato!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:25 PM on January 8

Do we have an ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: CREATED NEW MEFITE badge? Because we need one.
posted by misha at 6:29 PM on January 8 [7 favorites]

What an adorable little potato!

But potatoes don't taste anything like pastrami.
posted by phunniemee at 6:31 PM on January 8

Well.
Well, well, well, well, well.
This is nice.

Congratulatons Shakespeherian!
posted by SLC Mom at 6:44 PM on January 8

Congrats!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 6:44 PM on January 8

Welcome, little one! And congratulations to the parents, too. Happiness to all.
posted by Lexica at 6:55 PM on January 8

Awww, pastrami baby! Congrats!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:57 PM on January 8

Neat! Cheers to you & the mom. I'll pass on my usual admonishment that you shouldn't forget to dote on the mrs. Shakeses.. Shahakese... Shakespeheher... Dammit... the baby's mom. Buy her flowers and stuff!
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:01 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]

I feel weird about my pastrami sandwich at lunch, now.

still tasty
posted by mrgoat at 7:09 PM on January 8

Awww, so adorable! Congratulations!
posted by deborah at 7:21 PM on January 8

YAY!
posted by rmd1023 at 7:30 PM on January 8

Mazel tov!
posted by trip and a half at 7:38 PM on January 8

I just ate that baby with a pickle on the side. Yum!
posted by padraigin at 7:43 PM on January 8

AW! Congratulations!!
posted by nile_red at 7:53 PM on January 8

Congrats!! He looks delicious.
posted by Occula at 8:06 PM on January 8

Born on the The King's birthday -- that has to be a propitious sign! Congrats to the whole wee family.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 8:08 PM on January 8

Babies is good things -- congratulations!
posted by mazola at 8:24 PM on January 8

Congrats!
posted by Navelgazer at 8:39 PM on January 8

Congratulations!
posted by box at 8:43 PM on January 8

Congratulations!

&pastrami etc
posted by Pudhoho at 8:50 PM on January 8

L'ilShakes shares a birthday with Mr. Bowie. And Elvis. And Graham Chapman. And Ursula Hitler. And Hippybear. And Mick. And Hendrix and Bruce Lee. And Kitteh!

Happy birthday, kid.
posted by wallabear at 9:17 PM on January 8

Pretty sure I screwed that up. HBD Kitteh anyway :)
posted by wallabear at 9:23 PM on January 8

Congratulations to you and your partner. That is a very sweet baby. Well done.
posted by taff at 9:43 PM on January 8

Congrats!
posted by Kwine at 10:57 PM on January 8

Congrats! You've helped create an adorable human!
posted by Ghidorah at 11:06 PM on January 8

"Pastrami Eggs" is my FAVORITE breakfast.

Does this mean shakespeherian inseminated a breakfast?

I'm confused because that little guy is DELICIOUS!

Congratulations!!
posted by jbenben at 11:43 PM on January 8

Aw, what a cutie. Congrats!
posted by Defying Gravity at 11:58 PM on January 8

Hey, that reminds me of an achewood strip!
posted by The Whelk at 12:04 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]

Congratulations shakespherian.

elizardbits - Yves Thomas looks like a mini Winston Churchill.

but then so do lots of newborns
posted by MuffinMan at 1:31 AM on January 9

Congratulations!
posted by running order squabble fest at 3:28 AM on January 9

Congranulations!
posted by klausness at 3:57 AM on January 9

LET'S BUY SHAKES A ROBOT NANNY WITH MIGHTY METAL ARMS AND IRON LEGS
posted by The Whelk at 5:10 AM on January 9

Like Rosie the Robot or like Voltron?

not iron man, iron man is for meee
posted by elizardbits at 5:22 AM on January 9

So elegant! So intelligent!

Congratulations on the new arrival!
posted by jquinby at 6:16 AM on January 9

I'll chip in for a Rosie the Robot style nanny. But only if it's made of a complimentary meat, or at least bacon.

Also yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, congrats!
posted by Jilder at 7:41 AM on January 9

Hey, that reminds me of an achewood strip!

Shocking.
posted by Aizkolari at 7:44 AM on January 9

Oh man, it's time like these that I wish I had a picture of R being a robot to contribute to this thread. She walks around with the plastic case that holds her soft farm blocks on her head, and she is the Rosebot. Why don't I have a picture of this?

All this to say, shakespeherian, in about 15 - 16 months that baby is going to be walking around with things on his head. And it will be awesome!

Congratulations!!!
posted by zizzle at 7:46 AM on January 9

Congratulations!
posted by needlegrrl at 8:09 AM on January 9

not iron man, iron man is for meee

what no dont tell me I cant reprogram DUM-E to change diapers the test we did with watermelons had a 60% success rate.
posted by The Whelk at 8:11 AM on January 9

Mazel tov! Cute baby/terrible pastrami.
posted by Mister_A at 8:19 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

Just be aware that babies crap ALL THE TIME. However, baby poo is not that gross in the pyramid of poo. Way to go, nature!
posted by Mister_A at 8:20 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

Mister_A: "Just be aware that babies crap ALL THE TIME. However, baby poo is not that gross in the pyramid of poo. Way to go, nature!"

Meconium is nature's way of easing you in to the existential horror of the diaper changing experience.

Day 1: "OH HEY, IT'S NOT THAT BAD. SMALL AMOUNT. WIPES RIGHT UP. DOESN"T EVEN SMELL."

Day 6: "DIFFERENT COLORS! NEW TEXTURES! HOW ADORABLE!"

DAY 14: "HONEY? WHAT DID THE BABY EAT? BECAUSE THE SMELL FROM HIS DIAPER IS RANK."

DAY 18: A familiar smell wafts through the room. Both parents simultaneously: "YOU'RE IT!"

DAY 19: "I PUT A NEW DIAPER ON AND HE POOPED. WHAT THE HECK, DUDE. THAT CAN'T BE NORMAL."

DAY 20: We'll just call it 'Poopsplosion Day' and leave it at that. The horror. The horror.

DAY 25: "HOW SOON CAN WE POTTY TRAIN THIS KID?"
posted by zarq at 8:40 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

I forgot Day 15. Day 15 is "DIAPERS COST HOW MUCH!?"
posted by zarq at 8:41 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]

God, you people with children are just obsessed with feces, aren't you? How distasteful.

Now if you'll pardon me, I need to call my girlfriend to check if the dog pooped this morning, and what the size and consistency of said poop was.
posted by griphus at 8:55 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]

Now if you'll pardon me, I need to call my girlfriend to check if the dog pooped this morning, and what the size and consistency of said poop was.

My dog is litter box trained, which means that he does most of his pooping in a box in my house. I then pick said poop up with some toilet paper, praise the everloving heck out of him, and ceremoniously flush the poop down the toilet.

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, the puppy was trying to get me to play with him by repeatedly jabbing me in the leg with his little rubber frisbee toy. I wasn't playing back.

To counter, he dropped the frisbee in the toilet, I assume because he knows that that's where important things go.
posted by phunniemee at 9:10 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]

Happy Baby!
posted by peagood at 9:32 AM on January 9

Aw, congrats to Shakes! That baby is gonna grow up with some pretty awesome parents.
posted by Phire at 9:37 AM on January 9

Welcome aboard, little pastrami.
posted by cavalier at 9:41 AM on January 9

Congratulations, shakespeherian!

No, no, no! Please don't shake the baby!
posted by EvaDestruction at 12:24 PM on January 9

Congratulations!
posted by RainyJay at 12:32 PM on January 9

Yay, babies! Congratulations! From someone who's been there: you'll get more sleep, eventually!
posted by theredpen at 1:28 PM on January 9

Now if you'll pardon me, I need to call my girlfriend to check if the dog pooped this morning, and what the size and consistency of said poop was.

If there's not a dogshit tumblr out there, I'll eat my hat.

As it is, I'm too scared to check, so perhaps it'd be safest to go ahead and eat the hat.

Never mind.
posted by jquinby at 3:01 PM on January 9

mazel tov!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:46 PM on January 9

One hell of a nice baby, frequently mistaken for a a fat little pastrami with arms and legs. I, for one, welcome our our mouthwateringlydeliciouslooking baby overlord. Mmmm, babies. Yeah, I do like me some memes.
posted by theora55 at 5:00 PM on January 9

Congratulations, shakespeherian and family!
posted by harriet vane at 6:50 PM on January 9

I was expecting someone would have come up with the opposite of "." by now. Congrats, shakes!

Lots of sleepless time to comment on MeFi. Win win.
posted by ersatz at 3:53 AM on January 10

The opposite of . Is !

Which comes to us via the shortest telegram in the world
posted by The Whelk at 4:27 AM on January 10

Hey kids. Yes it is true I am now one of those people you eventually block on Facebook because of all the inane baby pictures. Get on on it while you can.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:25 AM on January 10

Congratulations are indeed in order :)

However. From the infrequency at which I see MetaTalk posts about new mefi children, I fear perhaps we're not reproducing fast enough to keep up with how rapidly I can only imagine the members of other websites might be spawning.
posted by kingbenny at 10:40 AM on January 10

!
posted by luckynerd at 9:20 PM on January 10

Our babies are better, faster, stronger and have more access to the amazing old timey children's illustrated books I've been meaning to send out.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 PM on January 10

David Lynch onesie
posted by zippy at 11:43 PM on January 10

There are ten of these available and we cant all buy him one so someine call dibs now.

Also hey, that reminds me of an achewood strip!
posted by The Whelk at 7:05 AM on January 11 [1 favorite]

I so want the Future Dead Person onesie for my sprog. And a Future Corpses of America shirt for me.
posted by sonika at 7:20 AM on January 11

( do shoot me a memail you are planning on springing for that onesee cause lordly I am tempted)
posted by The Whelk at 7:24 AM on January 11