The $2.5 million comment

January 30, 2013 11:39 AM

Last night I dreamed that Metafilter introduced premium comments that you had to pay to view, and some company posted a very long comment that was listed at $2.5 million. There was wild speculation as to its contents, and the motivation behind the high price, but of course no-one could afford it, so we never found out what it said.

I don't have a question or anything, just thought you might enjoy the image.

posted by PercussivePaul to MetaFilter-Related at 11:39 AM (94 comments total)

It was, of course, a giant ASCII art banner reading "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."
posted by jedicus at 11:41 AM on January 30 [23 favorites]

Pony Request: could we have in-dream FPP streaming? That would really help me keep on top of current discussions. If you can deploy cutting-edge oneiric comment technology, that would be really swell, too!

Eagerly awaiting an answer...


... in my dreams!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:41 AM on January 30 [5 favorites]

I just checked the dream version of the database on the staging server and it turns out it was the word "dongs" but it was in Comic Sans and done up as a Blingee gif.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:42 AM on January 30 [61 favorites]

It was The Treaty of Westphalia, and we were all poorer* for not being able to read it.

*in spirit
posted by OmieWise at 11:42 AM on January 30 [1 favorite]

And if the post is like, a particle, metaphorically, reading it could cause a metaphoric big bang, and there would be a universe with little metaphor-aliens we could talk to and learn wisdom from. Or they could try to kill us. Either way, we totally need to read that post. Matt?
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:42 AM on January 30

Last night I dreamed that I kissed Johnny Contardo. That was better.
posted by Melismata at 11:43 AM on January 30

Sounds like something Peter Molyneux would do.
posted by hellojed at 11:43 AM on January 30 [1 favorite]

Pony Request: could we have in-dream FPP streaming?

Only if there are no dream titles on the dream front page. That would be nightmare front page, am I right?
posted by OmieWise at 11:43 AM on January 30 [3 favorites]

Maybe the lottery number that would guarantee you $2.5±0.5 million.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:47 AM on January 30

"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."

Or in our case, PEPSI BLUE
posted by Miko at 11:48 AM on January 30 [1 favorite]

Quora posted the comment and it was just a bunch of 凸(｀0´)凸 typed over and over.
posted by phunniemee at 11:49 AM on January 30 [8 favorites]

I just paid $2.5 million dollars for a post and all I got was a message that it was blocked in my region. Lame.
posted by bondcliff at 11:54 AM on January 30 [1 favorite]

You have to use the multi-region MetaFilter for that to work in your area.
posted by michaelh at 11:59 AM on January 30

Multi-Regional Metafilter

It's the purple one on the shelf next to the orbital-driver you got for christmas but can't remember who from so you don't know who to thank, and you're not sure what it does, but it seems nice.
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:01 PM on January 30 [3 favorites]

I'm just glad other people have MetaFilter-related dreams.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:02 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

That must have been my comment, as I was also dream commenting on MetaFilter last night. The reason for the high price is that the comment was carefully crafted to bring true happiness to anyone who reads it, such that everyone who reads it has a custom experience with the comment. Seriously, I really put all the good shit right there in that one fabulous dream comment. You should read it. It will make you happy.

Also, keep in mind that we're talking about $2.5 million in dream dollars.

Oh, wait - did I say "dream"? I meant "drunk".
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:02 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

Sorry, you need MetaFilter Premium™ to read this comment.
posted by starman at 12:02 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

Sounds like a case of either too much spicy food or too much this AskMe.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 12:05 PM on January 30

My one metafilter weird dream was that shakespeherian turned out to be the product of a performance artist's collective.
posted by elizardbits at 12:06 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

So if this ever happened somehow, don't you think we'd be able to crowdsource the amount with the promise of everybody seeing it?

I am spending way too much time gaming this situation out for somebody who is not asleep.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:07 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

This gives me an idea: Matt, you should do some kind of charity fundraiser where people can bid on or otherwise purchase one-time use of the img tag. (With the image file manually inspected and copied to a MeFi server to ensure security, perhaps... so maybe you'd have to stipulate that it must be a freely-licensed image.)
posted by XMLicious at 12:08 PM on January 30 [6 favorites]

So if this ever happened somehow, don't you think we'd be able to crowdsource the amount with the promise of everybody seeing it?

I volunteer to hold the money.
posted by Etrigan at 12:12 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

it turns out it was the word "dongs" but it was in Comic Sans and done up as a Blingee gif.

I guess in dream Metafilter they still have the img tag.
posted by JHarris at 12:18 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

I once had a dream about jonmc, whom I've never met (though I've seen his picture). He was in a conference room at my office, unloading boxes of books. That was it.
posted by Melismata at 12:19 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

So if this ever happened somehow, don't you think we'd be able to crowdsource the amount with the promise of everybody seeing it?

I will share that in my dream, this is exactly what happened -- a coalition was forming to purchase the comment -- but there was bickering over whether it would be worth it, or whether the company had just deliberately listed a high price in order to sucker us into paying for it.
posted by PercussivePaul at 12:20 PM on January 30

At last! A work-at-home scheme that really works!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:31 PM on January 30

It's been working pretty good for me, anyway.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:33 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

My one metafilter weird dream was that shakespeherian turned out to be the product of a performance artist's collective.

It's more a shared consciousness thing but I've already said too much.,
posted by The Whelk at 12:35 PM on January 30

cortex please stop reveling in your constant pantslessness, it is deeply unfair to the rest of us, thanks.
posted by elizardbits at 12:35 PM on January 30

Mindbleach, please. I didn't need that mental image.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 12:43 PM on January 30

What's blue and invisible?

NO JEANS
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:49 PM on January 30 [16 favorites]

I carry languagehat's cat around in my dreams. Or was it his dream?
posted by gingerbeer at 12:52 PM on January 30

The comment was in fact just "All pants and no work make cortex a dull boy" over and over again, followed by a link to a picture of the word "ojnab" written in red crayon on the wall.
posted by Gygesringtone at 12:53 PM on January 30 [6 favorites]

Do androids dream of electric invisible pants?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:55 PM on January 30

When you die on Metafilter in a dream do you have to go back to lurking irl?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:55 PM on January 30 [3 favorites]

*waits for the kick*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:00 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

I mentioned in another thread that I had a dream a few days before an upcoming meetup:

"There was singing, people were playing some variation of Magic: The Gathering (a game I know nothing about other than it is played with cards of some kind) and the guy next to me was trying to snuggle with me."

At the meetup I sat between Greg Nog and Lou Stuells. Sadly, neither of them delivered.
posted by bondcliff at 1:02 PM on January 30

I wear the cheese, the cheese does not wear me.
posted by The Whelk at 1:03 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

I should have known Greg Nog was from NH. Cuz of the freedoms.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:10 PM on January 30

...Same as in town.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:15 PM on January 30

cortex: I just checked the dream version of the database on the staging server...

Wait, what? I thought that was Meatbomb's bailiwick.
posted by Pronoiac at 1:23 PM on January 30

My one metafilter weird dream was that shakespeherian turned out to be the product of a performance artist's collective.

Who?
posted by shakespherian at 1:30 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

No, no- it just said "Friendship." You see? Because friendship is the real premium content!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:34 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

I carry languagehat's cat around in my dreams. Or was it his dream?

Would "languagecat" be too obvious a joke?

It would.

I'll sit down.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:38 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

So in dreamland, Metafilter is like a reverse Facebook? I can't wait until real Facebook introduces this.
posted by IvoShandor at 1:38 PM on January 30

That's one Hel of a sunk cost!
posted by Deoridhe at 1:58 PM on January 30

If there were graphics, that was not MetaFilter in your dream.
posted by Cranberry at 2:13 PM on January 30

There is something wrong with this 'premium comments' model.
posted by unliteral at 2:39 PM on January 30

There is no preview button.

Woah.
posted by Ghidorah at 2:41 PM on January 30

I did. I did enjoy this image.

FYI.
posted by DU at 2:41 PM on January 30

I only had $50 so I only got the first couple of lines:

David Miscavige Leads Scientology to Milestone Year

Under ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige, the Scientology religion expanded more in 2012 than in any 12 months of its 60-year history.

Hope this helps.
posted by Talez at 3:24 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

I have absolutely no idea why but Cortex has appeared in 4 or 5 of my dreams. Never met him IRL.

In the last one, I was trying to play scrabble with Lena Dunham on a bench in Detroit, and Cortex comes up behind and gives me a hard time over not closing tags properly on my MetaFilter comments. Lena got bored of his interruptions and went off to get another tattoo; I got mad, stole Cortex's milkshake and ran off down Woodward Avenue.

(no need to analyse; it's maybe because of listening to the MetaFilter podcasts and his voice sticking in my head; don't know)
posted by Wordshore at 3:56 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

Man my attempts to astrally project into dreams in order to confuse and control you people is just not panning out like I hoped.
posted by The Whelk at 4:00 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

I did recently have a MetaFilter dream. But the dream mods deleted it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:06 PM on January 30

Wait. You mean this isn't a dream? *faints*
posted by Doleful Creature at 4:30 PM on January 30

We must go deeper.
posted by The Whelk at 4:45 PM on January 30

That'll cost extra.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:48 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

In my nightmares the post titles are in 18 point font comic sans.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:53 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

Is this something I'd have to sleep to understand?
posted by Mngo at 4:59 PM on January 30

HOW MANY HITS YOU PEOPLE DONE?
posted by cjorgensen at 5:18 PM on January 30

Not nearly enough.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:20 PM on January 30

> I carry languagehat's cat around in my dreams. Or was it his dream?

This is true, I did dream that last night. I don't know how she wound up with my cat, but he seemed perfectly contented. (Fickle creature that he is.)
posted by languagehat at 5:23 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

Metafilter is not yet nightmarish enough to play much of a role in my dreams, but more than a few hypnagogic images have featured scrolling questions.

During one of the most recent incidences, I was able to read an entire question (usually I can only read isolated words), but I couldn't remember it well enough the next morning to be sure it was an actual question rather than a confabulation.

This seems to be an example of the Tetris effect:

People who have spent a long time at some repetitive activity before sleep, in particular one that is new to them, may find that it dominates their imagery as they grow drowsy, a tendency dubbed the Tetris effect. This effect has even been observed in amnesiacs who otherwise have no memory of the original activity.[26] When the activity involves moving objects, as in the video game Tetris, the corresponding hypnagogic images tend to be perceived as moving. The Tetris effect is not confined to visual imagery, but can manifest in other modalities also. For example, Robert Stickgold recounts having experienced the touch of rocks while falling asleep after mountain climbing.[8] This can also occur to people who have traveled on a small boat in rough seas, or have been swimming through waves, shortly before going to bed...

posted by jamjam at 5:29 PM on January 30 [4 favorites]

I'm surrounded by humorless nerds.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:32 PM on January 30

And you fit right in?
posted by jamjam at 5:36 PM on January 30

True story: Back when Burnout 3 was out on Xbox I played it so much that in my real life driving I had to consciously stop myself from running other cars off the road in order to get boost points.
posted by Doleful Creature at 5:37 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

but of course no-one could afford it

Maybe we could mint our own MetaDollar coins to pay for it.
posted by amyms at 5:50 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

This can also occur to people who have traveled on a small boat in rough seas, or have been swimming through waves, shortly before going to bed...

Or to waitresses who get home at 1 AM, doff their black and whites, and collapse into bed only to dream of loading trays and delivering drinks for hours and hours after an evening loading trays and delivering drinks.
posted by Miko at 6:48 PM on January 30

Maybe it was a comment about Airwolf?
posted by codacorolla at 7:22 PM on January 30

And you fit right in?

I'm in disguise.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 7:42 PM on January 30

I've been drawing bird presidents for the last few days and I got one of those random shitty restless nights of sleep last night where I was tossing and turning and seeing vague simulacra of oil portraits of Washington and Adams and Jefferson all night and let me tell you that is in fact crappier than video dreams.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:43 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

I have a recurring series of nightmares about contracting computer viruses. Metafilter usually plays the role of transmission vector as well as cure provider.
posted by nat at 7:44 PM on January 30

Last night I dreamed I went to Manderlay again...

and I cut that bitch Rebecca.
posted by misha at 8:16 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

The kicker is, the comment was really only two words long:




Ok. Awkward.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 8:22 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]

Misha, you missed an opportunity: "Last night I dreamed I went to MetaTalk again."
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:30 PM on January 30 [2 favorites]

Sorry I was late to work. Up all night drawing bird presidents, you know how that goes.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:36 PM on January 30 [3 favorites]

I’m enjoying the new nightly drunk MetaTalk postings.
posted by bongo_x at 10:03 PM on January 30

Yeah, I could live with this.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:06 PM on January 30

Another tanker of Budweiser ready to be peed out.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:15 AM on January 31

I have dreamed up detailed AskMe questions. Usually when I wake up, I have an answer, so I don't need to post IRL. AskMe's mere existence answers questions for me.
posted by IndigoRain at 12:44 AM on January 31

"You know that $20 SAIT joke? Not so funny now."
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:28 AM on January 31

I used to be haunted by MetaFilter in my dreams. Shudders
posted by Sailormom at 6:50 AM on January 31

SO I think because of this post I had a funny MetaFilter cameo in my dreams last night, which was one of those video game dreams where if circumstances go wrong you restart from an earlier point, which is a convenient mechanic in video games but a really unfortunate one when you're in a nightmare that you'd like to stop. Anyway, me and my cousin were in a campsite fortified by brick walls and forest on one side, preparing for an assault by his older brother and his team of thugs and giant spider-people by growing large stalks of wheat to serve as weaponry. Anyway, long story short, we survive the assault and then we find out the forest backing our campsite is actually the edge of a giant lazy susan, so we get on it as it rotates us deep into the surrounding woods and we come across some apparently secret campsites for mythical creatures, wherein we pass a campsite with talking birds wearing band shirts and drinking a lot; then, a campsite with garden gnomes filming some horrifying porn involving feed lot apparatus (they were not happy to see us); and then finally a campsite with several of these hanging from trees, which were awakened by our arrival and were obviously about to kill us when elizardbits materializes out of nowhere and lights them on fire (their weakness) with mind rays and then disappears again, which was cool except we were kind of mad that we were left to deal with the still dangerous and now flaming giant evil baby statues until the fire finally took them down. Anyway.
posted by invitapriore at 7:11 AM on January 31

giant spider-people

*shudder*
posted by arcticseal at 7:39 AM on January 31

If there were graphics, that was not MetaFilter in your dream.

I was thinking just the other day that when there's someone in your dream who, in your dream, you identify as someone you know, but who acts quite out of character, or even doesn't look at all like themselves, though probably you only notice the discrepancies after you wake up, well, maybe that was a demon trying to take on your friend's likeness to lead you into evil.

I'm not yet sure how this theory can be extended to cover the case of a place which, in your dream, you identify as a place you know, but which is actually quite unlike it. Do demons understand our world so little that they think impersonating the lunch room will help them win my confidence? There may be some subtler game afoot here.
posted by stebulus at 7:43 AM on January 31

I have a recurring nightmare of saying something so awful on metafilter that I wake up in shame. Never remember what the comments are.
posted by angrycat at 7:59 AM on January 31

I once had a dream about the Metafilter employee parking lot. It was a sizable lot, and people were unhappy about spaces being distributed unfairly.

...

yeah, I don't know either.
posted by roger ackroyd at 10:32 AM on January 31 [2 favorites]

I just checked the dream version of the database on the staging server and it turns out it was the word "dongs" but it was in Comic Sans and done up as a Blingee gif.

Do I have to do everything myself?
posted by cmoj at 1:21 PM on January 31

You flag my comment in your dreams, you better wake up and apologize schmoopy.
posted by infinitewindow at 4:14 PM on January 31

I was tasked by figure or figures unknown to pick up Arthur Rimaud at the airport in a white 1962 Catalina convertible and drive him somewhere.
Apparently Mr. Rimbaud was impressed with the car, though it's hard to tell because all the dialogue was in French and subsequently incomprehensible.

When we turned from the airport road onto the highway, it was blocked by a biblical host-sized herd of goats.
posted by Pudhoho at 12:30 AM on February 1

Maybe if I had paid extra, my dream would have included subtitles.
posted by Pudhoho at 12:31 AM on February 1

I'm sorry, could we go back to the part where cortex is drawing bird presidents?
posted by maryr at 8:35 AM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Bird Presidents. I'll make a Projects post once I get a bit farther along. It is in a very inadvertent way Jessamyn's fault.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:04 AM on February 1 [2 favorites]

I can only assume that Dwight D Eaglehower will somehow feature, because if any president is a bald eagle, it's definitely Ike.
posted by maryr at 7:05 PM on February 1