Indoctrinating the Next Generation

March 4, 2013 5:42 PM

While the recent Mefite baby boom is wonderful (and adorable), I thought everyone might like to know that the slightly-older Hive-Spawn are progressing nicely, too:

Me: "Gee, Lil' Thumbscrew, I'm not really sure about [weird question involving the LD50 of gummie vitamins."
Lil' Thumbscrew, Aged Seven: "ASK METAFILTER!"

That is all.
posted by julthumbscrew to MetaFilter-Related at 5:42 PM (54 comments total)

I can only hope that my kids attain such awareness by age 7.

Thank you for setting such a wonderful example!
posted by zizzle at 5:46 PM on March 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

You have raised him right!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:51 PM on March 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

i understood all these English words!
posted by cjorgensen at 5:52 PM on March 4, 2013

Well, what is the LD50? And how many vitamins did you feed 'em?
posted by klangklangston at 6:25 PM on March 4, 2013

klangklangston, he fed him vitamins until he was half-dead. That's how it works, right?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:45 PM on March 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

me: oh, I finished my book.

kid: (age 5) I'll bring you your computer!

me: thanks, kid.

kid: (taps) I brought up Metafilter. You like that site.

me: (boggles)
posted by 41swans at 6:50 PM on March 4, 2013 [34 favorites]

Young chiatoddler likes to direct me to different subsites. "No mama, green! Now blue! Green!" We have an ongoing disagreement about whether MetaTalk is purple or gray.
posted by chiababe at 6:51 PM on March 4, 2013 [11 favorites]

Surely this is brilliant preparation for later brussels sprouts discussions:

"No I won't eat these!"

"But I did an AskMe, and everyone says you should. You'll be fine."
posted by pompomtom at 7:03 PM on March 4, 2013 [14 favorites]

kid: (taps) I brought up Metafilter. You like that site.

*odd feeling*

Oh, so that's what the urge to reproduce feels like.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:08 PM on March 4, 2013 [21 favorites]

Why, just this morning:

me: (typing, reading)

kidgood: What are you typing about now?

me: Oh, people are answering my question about what their schools do for lice checks.

kidgood: You asked MetaFilter that?

me: No - I emailed the school council chairs at neighbouring schools. Most have moved toward using outside help for some very good reasons, and I want to put that forward at the next meeting.

kidgood: Oh. Good. But I was wondering how other kids feel about other parents at school checking their hair, or if it's just me that worries that someone's mom will find some on me and I won't be allowed to have playdates. Can you ask that?

me: I did - no comments yet. I'll bring it up when we meet for coffee on Thursday. *considers clicking over to the green* *wonders when youngsters get their own accounts* *dang, that's two questions*
posted by peagood at 7:11 PM on March 4, 2013 [5 favorites]

Make a whole new set of metafilter sites just for kids. MetafilterKids, AskmeKids, MusicKids, MetaTalkKids. lol
posted by various at 8:31 PM on March 4, 2013

I should set up a site where mefite children can ask quesrions they dont want rhier patents to see.
posted by The Whelk at 8:50 PM on March 4, 2013 [5 favorites]

"kid: (taps) I brought up Metafilter. You like that site."

Mini McGee (age 3): [Obscure question probably relating to umbilical cords, because we are currently very into umbilical cords]

Me: "I don't know the answer to that. I'll Google it."

Mini McGee: "Go to the green page! The green page!"

Me: "Google is a white page, not a green page."

Mini McGee: "You can go to the green page!"
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:18 PM on March 4, 2013 [22 favorites]

I should set up a site where mefite children can ask quesrions they dont want rhier patents to see.

It appears a child with questionable spelling has already taken over your account
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:36 PM on March 4, 2013 [7 favorites]

This is all fine and dandy as long as the "no more than one question a week" limit is respected. Knowing kids that shouldn't be a problem. Oh, and just to be clear, we make no exception on chatfilter during the "why" phase.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 10:35 PM on March 4, 2013 [9 favorites]

Why?
posted by pompomtom at 10:36 PM on March 4, 2013 [7 favorites]

When I have kids, they will never know about my reddit account or metafilter account.
posted by empath at 12:37 AM on March 5, 2013

When I was a kid my parents would let me send away for things — I would pay them the cash and fill out the check, and then bring it to them to sign. Has anyone had their kid ask a question and said "I don't know. Let's ask Metafilter"? 'Cause that would be infinitely cute. And what's the post with the youngest originator?
posted by benito.strauss at 1:05 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

Make a whole new set of metafilter sites just for kids.

yes and please call it MetaSmaller
posted by mannequito at 1:20 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

No, call it WeeFi!
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 1:37 AM on March 5, 2013 [5 favorites]

My 12-year-old would probably pay more attention to Mefi if there were still in-line images allowed.

On the other hand, I wouldn't allow her to look at it then, so, there's that.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:30 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

God. I think I missed an age cut-off or something. My poor kid gets IMs and emails with links to MeFi/Ask like I get envelopes of articles/comics/whatever from my own mother. With the same result, undoubtedly.

I think I'm doing it wrong.
posted by you must supply a verb at 5:24 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

My 12-year-old had a question the other week that would have made for a good AskMe, and for a few minutes I thought about getting her an account and letting her ask it. It occurred to me that it would probably be the first instance of someone posting to MetaFilter who was younger than the site itself.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:35 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

I DEMAND MEFI KID/BABY PHOTOS IMMEDIATELY

I win.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:08 AM on March 5, 2013 [6 favorites]

You folks are clearly raising these kids right.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:28 AM on March 5, 2013

Has anyone had their kid ask a question and said "I don't know. Let's ask Metafilter"?

I do this on a daily basis. Also, "I don't know, let's ask your Grandfather-Who-Is-an-Engineer" and "I don't know, let's see what Neil deGrasse Tyson has to say about that." Lil' Thumbscrew will NEVER experience the "my mom knows EVERYTHING!" phase, but he should have a nicely protracted "my mom can FIND OUT anything!" one.

I DEMAND MEFI KID/BABY PHOTOS IMMEDIATELY

Also: Lil' Thumbscrew making himself a cup of Pepsi Blue (er, decaf).
posted by julthumbscrew at 6:50 AM on March 5, 2013 [8 favorites]

Me: Dammit, my post was deleted!

Kid (age 1): You didn't link to your own site did you?

Me: (sigh)

Kid: Dad, you're a dipshit. And my sippy's light on bourbon, so fetch.

TRUE STORY
posted by brain_drain at 6:56 AM on March 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

Bourbon in a sippy cup?

HOW WILL IT BREATHE?!
posted by shakespeherian at 6:59 AM on March 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

You decant it before putting it in.
posted by The Whelk at 7:23 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

My kids like to sing "Welcome to the MetaFilter...podcast."

Has anyone had their kid ask a question and said "I don't know. Let's ask Metafilter"?

Yes, indeed. They have also told me, "Why don't you ask your invisible friends on the green?"
posted by MonkeyToes at 7:28 AM on March 5, 2013 [9 favorites]

I DEMAND MEFI KID/BABY PHOTOS IMMEDIATELY

This is a human person who is younger than MetaFilter.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:39 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

My eldest is 6, and for whatever reason 6 months back he was very into watching Jackass vids with me on Youtube. We all got a particular kick out of Party Boy.

Party Boy's theme song is "No Limits" on one of the vids, and that led us here, just in time for the younger one, about 6 months old at the time, to decide that this was his favourite video.

I tried to play some Earth Wind and Fire, I tried Devo, he wasn't having it. Every time he comes into the room he points at my laptop and screams until I play 2 unlimited for him. He bops up and down a bit, and leaves.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:09 AM on March 5, 2013

I've been trying to keep my younger sister (who just turned 13) off of the site since she was about 7. I use the professional white background, but she's seen me on the site so much now that she recognizes the logo:

"What's Metafilter?"

"It's this site I read a lot."

"Oh, what's it about?"

"A bunch of different things around the internet. Mostly people argue a lot."

"That sounds boring."

Successful so far. I guess it says something about me that she doesn't question at all why I would be interested in reading about people arguing.
posted by Phire at 8:14 AM on March 5, 2013

No kids yet but my mother has suggested I ask Metafilter stuff.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:16 AM on March 5, 2013

Ook the younger is under the impression that the blue page on the computer means daddy is "working".

He frequently tells me "you work too much daddy."
posted by ook at 10:45 AM on March 5, 2013 [12 favorites]

Kids come with too many sock puppets.
posted by Kabanos at 10:59 AM on March 5, 2013

Also: Lil' Thumbscrew making himself a cup of Pepsi Blue (er, decaf).

Good lord, it's a miniature John Hodgman!
posted by ook at 11:28 AM on March 5, 2013 [5 favorites]

(which is awesome, I hasten to clarify, in case there is any doubt, which there should not be, because John Hodgman)
posted by ook at 11:31 AM on March 5, 2013

WHOA. I don't know how I failed to notice that. I don't REMEMBER sleeping with John Hodgman approximately eight years ago, but you know, the evidence is pretty damning...
posted by julthumbscrew at 11:45 AM on March 5, 2013 [4 favorites]

Party Boy's theme song is "No Limits" on one of the vids, and that led us here.

Often a post will contain a link that is greyed out as already visited, and I will think "Oho, MetaFilter, I got there before you did!". I don't feel quite so smug about the "No Limits" link also being already visited. No no, no no no, no no I don't.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:58 AM on March 5, 2013 [4 favorites]

My younger brother is not an adorably small child, but he IS mildly dyslexic, and a few years back he expressed great puzzlement about me spending so much time on websites called MeatFilter and LivestockJournal.
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 12:56 PM on March 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

I went to the Minneapolis meetup last weekend and my tween-agers made fun of me for "going to hang out with the Internet".

So not all of the next generation is very nice.
posted by padraigin at 5:26 PM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

OK, chiababe's kid is like 500 times classier than I have ever been in my entire life.
posted by phunniemee at 6:50 PM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

Here's Toddler Banjo/Robocop_is_Bleeding. He hasn't figured out Metafilter yet but he knows to ask for the "red button" on the iPad to get Netflix fired up for some Fireman Sam.,
posted by banjo_and_the_pork at 3:22 AM on March 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

He was the lone boy at a princess party at the local kid haircut place. I couldn't let him go in underdressed!
posted by chiababe at 5:46 AM on March 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

My 13 year old showed me an ASDF movie the other day. Then it showed up on the blue. I told him "I usually see things at Metafilter first!" He looked at me skeptically and said "Metafilter? Isn't that for the boring people?" I told him that yes, we were very very boring.

To my shame, my 18 year old, who I think would be a nice addition here, is loyal to 4chan, which means I've lost the Mommy wars, I think. I keep trying to at least steer him to Something Awful, but, gah, he likes that wretched hive.
posted by Biblio at 4:48 PM on March 6, 2013

Guys I think I may be 13.
posted by The Whelk at 4:50 PM on March 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

LD50 for gummi vitamins or other vitamins is typically dependent on how much iron is in them (if they contain iron). The iron is the most toxic component.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 8:37 PM on March 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Biblio, a lot of kids in that age range seem to like 4chan, but most of them seem to get over it. (I'm, like, 7 years off from that age, so it's possible that everything has moved so fast that I no longer am young enough to Get It, but I still think the wisest course would be to hold off judgement.)
posted by NoraReed at 2:08 AM on March 7, 2013

Make a whole new set of metafilter sites just for kids. MetafilterKids, AskmeKids, MusicKids, MetaTalkKids. lol

The AskmeKids would all be "Can I eat that?" and "that" would always be boogers.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:59 AM on March 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

The AskmeKids would all be "Can I eat that?" and "that" would always be boogers.

The answers would all either be "yes!" or "eeeewww yucky!!!"

This is a project I can get behind.
posted by phunniemee at 12:03 PM on March 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

It's Never Lurgi: The AskmeKids would all be "Can I eat that?" and "that" would always be boogers.

This post was deleted for the following reason: Of course you can. Doy. -- cortex
posted by Rock Steady at 12:34 PM on March 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

There is some raging cuteness in this thread, you guys.
posted by mintcake! at 10:17 AM on March 8, 2013

My daughter constantly tells me to "Ask Metafilter!" when I say I don't know anything. "Why is the sky blue?" "We don't really know that." "Ask Metafilter!") She's six now.

And I first asked a question for her when she was a two years old, though it seems unlikely that's the youngest question generator, it's a start.
posted by Margalo Epps at 9:36 PM on March 24, 2013