Purpose of Boxer Fly's October 1, 2013 1:18 AM   Subscribe

So http://ask.metafilter.com/249451/Wee-want-to-know just got posted and deleted. It reminded me of this: http://ask.metafilter.com/40759/Why-is-the-opening-at-the-front-of-mens-briefs-still-there-if-its-rarely-used

In no way a complaint. Just an interesting coincidence. I mefi mailed the deleted post's poster with the old link, fyi.
posted by gryftir to MetaFilter-Related at 1:18 AM (95 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

There are similarities, but the "Wee want to know" post was a poll-the-readers chatfilter sort of thing as opposed to asking a (presumably) answerable question about the specific construction of a garment. There may be an underlying concrete problem or question aside from how-do-you-do-X in the newer one, and if so the OP is welcome to get in touch and we can edit to reflect that.
posted by taz (staff) at 1:26 AM on October 1, 2013


Also, thee really don't wanna know.
posted by Namlit at 1:29 AM on October 1, 2013


I don't really see a difference. Just two people asking the same thing but different words.
posted by hal_c_on at 1:32 AM on October 1, 2013


Oh, and I should have been clearer than "how-do-you-do-X"; asking how to do something they don't know how to do, or want to do better, is fine; asking what people's personal preferences are in a "how do you arrange the toilet paper: over or under?" way is chatfilter.
posted by taz (staff) at 1:32 AM on October 1, 2013


Purpose of boxer fly's what?

Yes, I do have to be that guy. :-)
posted by Decani at 2:25 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


Also, if you actually look at the old thread, whoa, that was a different time. Cortex is all up in AskMe gettin' chatty and people are discussing other threads and having fights/discussions about things that are completely irrelevant to the actual question -- it's basically unrecognizable as AskMe. 2006 is another country, man.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 3:40 AM on October 1, 2013 [13 favorites]


I spent a year in 2006 for tax purposes. The food sucked.
posted by mintcake! at 4:00 AM on October 1, 2013 [16 favorites]


I miss 2006.
posted by spitbull at 5:12 AM on October 1, 2013


Except for the wars.
posted by spitbull at 5:16 AM on October 1, 2013


Don't worry; there will be other wars.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:33 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Perhaps a new boxer rebellion, this time involving boxer briefs.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:33 AM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


...very brief rebellion. There is an opening to negotiations, I hear.
posted by Namlit at 5:43 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Decani: Chicken butt.
posted by Naberius at 5:46 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Man, yeah, I remember being pretty invested in that askme. 2006 is part of it for sure but I think that one just got sort of goofy even by the standards of the time.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:05 AM on October 1, 2013


I'm not an over the top or through the fly type of guy, but rather a slip it out the side.

Now you know too much.

Is there anything to actually be addressed in this meta? I think most people can agree that one doesn't meet the current standards as posted. Is there an argument that it should stand?
posted by cjorgensen at 6:19 AM on October 1, 2013


I'm not an over the top or through the fly type of guy, but rather a slip it out the side.

Okay, I'll bite - out the side of what?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:37 AM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


Is there an argument that it should stand?

Don't start the standing vs sitting argument again.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:38 AM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


Is there anything to actually be addressed in this meta?

Well it's boxer shorts stories.
Early into the last pre-date visit of my now-SO I got a commercial call, midway through coffee and cake, by a lady who offered me a bunch of boxer shorts of one or the other brand for free. I don't wear boxer shorts, you know, so I said, incredulously and with a loud voice, "a pair of what? Boxer shorts for free? No thank you!" The expression on the face of my then-guest was priceless. Like "who is that dude?"
posted by Namlit at 6:40 AM on October 1, 2013


define "it" i guess, too.
posted by Namlit at 6:43 AM on October 1, 2013


Not an issue if you're wearing the kilt and little else bar a cheeky smile.
posted by Abiezer at 7:35 AM on October 1, 2013


Related
posted by Dr Dracator at 7:39 AM on October 1, 2013


feels good man
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:43 AM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


This thread needs a "TMI" tag.
posted by ambrosia at 8:26 AM on October 1, 2013


I do not know if that comic is the source of the Feels Good Man Frog meme, or if someone drew that comic strip to set up the Feels Good Man Frog meme as a diegetic event, and I'm enjoying the mystery.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:57 AM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


diegetic
posted by edgeways at 9:06 AM on October 1, 2013


Well, don't quite know what diegetic means, and I am an over the top with my tighties on and a fly guy with my boxers, but regardless, that frog cartoon is funny.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:08 AM on October 1, 2013


Now you know too much.

I'm with EmpressCallipygos -- this sentence is inaccurate. You're, what, going through the leg hole?
posted by ook at 9:29 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's weirdly reassuring to know that I pee and poop like cortex and other rational folk. And it's just weird to know that some people wipe their bums while in the standing position.
posted by pracowity at 9:30 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm not an over the top or through the fly type of guy, but rather a slip it out the side.

Ohhhh every time I close my thighs
My balls just slip on out the side
posted by en forme de poire at 9:38 AM on October 1, 2013


Dr Dracator: "Related"

Related related.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:08 AM on October 1, 2013


Related related now with video!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:09 AM on October 1, 2013


That thread led to the reveal that my best friend of 20 years at the time is a stander. I never had a clue that such things happened, and obviously less of a clue about my best friend, lol.
posted by Annika Cicada at 10:20 AM on October 1, 2013


Achewooden
posted by The White Hat at 10:30 AM on October 1, 2013


Feels Good Man: Origins
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:35 AM on October 1, 2013


Fold? Crumple? I roll TP into a ball.
posted by brujita at 10:56 AM on October 1, 2013


Yes. Through the leg hole. It's easier to just displace a bit of fabric than to navigate the fly or to flop over the top. Is this where I find out I am weird?
posted by cjorgensen at 11:16 AM on October 1, 2013


I can't judge you for legholing when I overthetop. I think all right-thinking penishavers will agree that many underpants flies are needlessly obstructive, as the core motivating issue.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:18 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I pictured a couple of flies with boxing gloves when I saw that.
posted by thinkpiece at 11:19 AM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Humanity in all its infinite variety never ceases to amaze me

There are so many different places you can put a penis
posted by ook at 11:24 AM on October 1, 2013 [7 favorites]


Yes. Through the leg hole. It's easier to just displace a bit of fabric than to navigate the fly or to flop over the top.

See, I was envisioning some fluke of anatomy where you had an extra penis on your hip or that you had a hole in your pocket that you used or something. This is comprehensible; thanks.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:28 AM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think all right-thinking penishavers will agree

Well, we can certainly all agree that this peni isn't gonna shave itself.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:28 AM on October 1, 2013 [14 favorites]


Yes. Through the leg hole.

Human anatomy being non-symmetric (not to mention handedness), does this mean all your underpants droop on one side?
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:58 AM on October 1, 2013


I dress to the right it that's what you are asking.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:22 PM on October 1, 2013


Hmm, what kind of statement do we have here now?

"'And we dress, sir -? he murmured, feeling Osnard's gaze burning the nape of his neck. 'Most of my gentlemen seem to favor left these days. I don't think it's political.' This was his standard joke, calculated to raise a laugh even with the most sedate of his customers. Not with Osnard apparently.
'Never know where the bloody thing is. Bobs about like a windsock,' he replied dismissively."

From John Le Carré The Tailor of Panama, p. 60-1. It's probably the best part of that book.
posted by Namlit at 12:58 PM on October 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


I think all right-thinking penishavers

I read this at first as "penis shavers" and thought there is so, so much I don't know.
posted by Wordwoman at 1:04 PM on October 1, 2013 [9 favorites]


If you can't shave a penis,
Then some happiness will do.
If you can't have happiness,
Then god bless you!

God bless you, gentlepeople,
God bles you!
If you can't have happiness,
Then God bless you!
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:13 PM on October 1, 2013


LEGHOLING IS A LIE TAUGHT BY FALSE PROPHETS!*

OVERTHETOP IS TRUTH!




*) it is uncomfortable and tight seams can potentially restrict flow. Note: this may not apply in the case of boxer shorts**

**) boxer shorts are THE DEVIL and boxer short wearers are FALSE PROPHETS! Wear briefs! BRIEFS ARE TRUTH!



I have spoken.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 1:44 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I leghole with my boxer shorts on all the time.




... ladies
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:56 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


"Well, we can certainly all agree that this peni isn't gonna shave itself."

That's...okay, you're trolling, right? I'm hooked, though, so I'll ignore the singulars and point out that the latin plural of penis is penes, but that's silly since we're speaking English so, you know, penises.

"I read this at first as 'penis shavers' and thought there is so, so much I don't know."

Well, some men *cough* grow some hair on the shaft and not only might some think it's less visually appealing, it also can be painful during intercourse. And unpleasant for the partner during fellatio.

However, shaving is not recommended, for reasons I suspect many women well understand for similar reasons. Cuts and razor burn and not good.

In middle age there's thinning of pubic hair for both men and women, I think, but perhaps not always precisely where one would prefer.

In totally unrelated news, I'm also finding (because I only recently noticed something that must have been progressing for years) that although I've always been more hirsute than average, with hair on my toes and the top of my feet (a "friend" in high school would teasingly call me a "hobbit"), all hair on my feet is gone, as well as all up the outer side of my calves, over my knees, and a large patch on both thighs. All smooth. Not to mention most of my head.

Middle-age is weird.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:17 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Probably just a typo with a missing "s", I just realized
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:23 PM on October 1, 2013


It was actually an intentional misparsing of "penishaving" as something other than the intended "penis-having".

A misparsing being when you're mooned by a car full of teenaged misps, needless.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:28 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, of course. I'm think I'm slow or dumb today or something.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:33 PM on October 1, 2013


It'll be the creeping body-baldness.
posted by glasseyes at 3:42 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Cock hair must be quite the conundrum to control.
posted by planetesimal at 3:48 PM on October 1, 2013


*imagines a gillette mach 3 sliding along the bottom of the shaft, wishes for unimagination*
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:12 PM on October 1, 2013


Let's just pretend that elves with lasers just singed off every last shaft hair on Earth so we can never speak of it again.
posted by planetesimal at 4:15 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Which has more potential for inadvertent embarrassment: Telling everyone your choice of boxers or briefs, or telling everyone your choice of through-the-fly/over-the-fly?
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:41 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


I honestly can't see how anyone can use the fly. Seriously, you're going to be un-erect while pissing (unless you do it way differently than I). So you have to pull fabric left, dig out your unit from behind the right piece, then jog it around that second panel of cloth. Now you have two pieces of cloth malforming your penis into some S shape that you are expected to urinate through.

Anyone that admits to using the fly...I don't get that at all. Of course I don't wear boxers.

I used to be an over-the-top guy, but way too often I'd not pull the band down far enough, or get the angle right or something, so when I was done...I'd go to tuck back in and make a mess/drip/leak. So when I reach down, hike up the right leg of my underwear, everything gets out of the way and falls into place, and I can get the job done! When finished...no problems.#tmi
posted by cjorgensen at 5:09 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


No thanks for oversharing.
posted by y2karl at 5:11 PM on October 1, 2013


You hold the fly open with one hand and you hold your penis with the other. You don't just let it snap shut if it uses elastics. That would malform your penis into some S shape.

That said, I wear boxers without elastics to make the fly easy to use. Tried the over-the-fly method today. I don't see the reasons for the disbelief. Over-the-fly isn't crazily easier than through-the-fly, and it ends up holding piss in when you're done.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:16 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Wait, what? No, just pull the whole unit, including testicles, through the fly. I'm doing it as I write this, it's super easy.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:20 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Multitasking a bridge too far.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 5:24 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


Enough of this catheterism.
posted by planetesimal at 5:25 PM on October 1, 2013


The fly on men's shorts is vital for the purposes of dressing up the dog. You put them on the dog backwards so his or her tail can go out the fly and wag freely.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:16 PM on October 1, 2013 [13 favorites]


I just prop my left foot up on the rim and pull down my sock.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:23 PM on October 1, 2013 [3 favorites]


No duh.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:30 PM on October 1, 2013


Darn it, fivefreshfish, now I need to wipe off my screen!

Also, may I just say on behalf of all women that I really want to empathize but, guys, honestly, this one is really difficult.

So, you have to move some small portion of your underwear out of the way (and you only have three viable choices!) so that you can stand up and pee?

Wow. What is THAT like?
posted by misha at 6:33 PM on October 1, 2013 [6 favorites]


It's hard.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:39 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well-fitting boxers, dudes. Not baggy, not super-snug. The fly is basically a straight opening (unlike the weird offset Y-front on briefs). Easy-peesy. As it were.
posted by fikri at 6:51 PM on October 1, 2013


Finally, a thread about men's issues.
posted by frecklefaerie at 8:05 PM on October 1, 2013 [15 favorites]


Texas Catheter, up the torso, round the shoulder, down the arm, taped to the index finger, mind where you point it, bobsyerunkle!
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:37 PM on October 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


I am a stranger in a strange land tonight, why the hell did I come in here
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 10:57 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Boxers are like someone invented a totally useless piece of fabric whose sole purpose in life is to ride up and get wrapped/tangled around your dick and nuts. I don't want to solve a fucking topology problem when I have to take a piss. There, I said it. Fuck boxers.
posted by en forme de poire at 11:09 PM on October 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


Actually a bunched and tangled boxer is topologically equivalent to a neat, properly worn boxer so yeah, maybe topology is not your strong suit. Try something more applied - fluid dynamics maybe?
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:07 AM on October 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Actually a bunched and tangled boxer is topologically equivalent to a neat, properly worn boxer

While we're on the subject of topology and underwear, it's possible, per topology, to remove a pair of underwear that's being worn beneath a pair of pants, without taking off the pants first, by not just one, but two different methods.

I've only ever tried one of those two methods in the real world though, as the other one risks suffering a simultaneous death-by-strangulation and atomic-class wedgie. The one method I have performed just requires flexibility, the ability to balance on one foot, and, as is the norm when trying to give practical demonstrations of topological tricks, a really, really, stretchy pair of underwear.

Oh, and in my case, where this demonstration was in front of a camera crew from the 90s ABC show America's Funniest People, and a mall full of people cheering me on, a lack of shame helped too.

That mall went out of business and closed soon after. Probably unrelated.

(And since it came up the last time I told this story, no it's nothing like that scene from Zoolander. To do it like they show in that movie, something's gotta pass through the 4th dimension.)
posted by radwolf76 at 9:35 AM on October 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


While we're on the subject of topology and underwear, it's possible, per topology, to remove a pair of underwear that's being worn beneath a pair of pants, without taking off the pants first, by not just one, but two different methods.

Not to make you feel bad, but I think many many women would be able to tell you they've been doing variations on this since the dawn of time/clothing, while driving, drinking coffee, applying make-up and having a heart to heart with a couple kids in the back seat.
posted by thinkpiece at 9:44 AM on October 2, 2013


What I want to know is why boystyle lady underpants have fake flies that are sewn shut.


I mean, what's the harm in leaving it open? It's not like anythings going to fall out.


I could have put my keys in there.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:57 AM on October 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I am a stranger in a strange land tonight, why the hell did I come in here

For knowledge.

I find this stuff kind of fascinating, myself. Underwear dickholes, urinal etiquette, all the mundane rituals of external genitalia.

Actually a bunched and tangled boxer is topologically equivalent to a neat, properly worn boxer so yeah, maybe topology is not your strong suit. Try something more applied - fluid dynamics maybe?

Or, barring that, boxer briefs.


The fly on men's shorts is vital for the purposes of dressing up the dog. You put them on the dog backwards so his or her tail can go out the fly and wag freely.
posted by The Underpants Monster



O-o


I guess you would know.


*looks at cat


remembers how well it went when i put tiny underpants on her head like a little beret


never mind.*

posted by louche mustachio at 10:05 AM on October 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Not to make you feel bad

That doesn't make me feel bad. Doing six takes for the network cameras and not even making it on the show - That makes me feel bad.
posted by radwolf76 at 10:28 AM on October 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


What I want to know is why boystyle lady underpants have fake flies that are sewn shut.


I mean, what's the harm in leaving it open? It's not like anythings going to fall out.


When I wear skirts in too-warm-for-tights weather, I wear boxers to prevent thigh rub on my long walking commute. I used to buy the fancy ladies' boxers, but discovered that men's of a comparable price are generally better sewn, made of better-quality fabric, and fit just fine. If you shop around you can find them in cute fabrics, too - I loved when Target had their Liberty of London tribute. Anyway, I thought about sewing up the flies, but they've just never been an issue. Never even caught my toes in them when pulling the shorts on.


I guess you would know.


*looks at cat


remembers how well it went when i put tiny underpants on her head like a little beret


I guess the name is pretty apt. We always gave each other underpants for Christmas when I was a kid, and it was a holiday tradition that you'd open the package and immediately put them on your head. Bonus if you got socks and made them into some sort of trimming for the underpants hat. One year I forgot to get any for my sister, so I made a pair out of paper the night before and wrapped them up so she'd at least have something to wear on her head in case nobody else got her any.

So... was it doll underpants, or a really big cat?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:08 PM on October 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


What I want to know is why boystyle lady underpants have fake flies that are sewn shut.

My favorite pair of these actually have a sewn shut fly AND a button that really works. And does nothing. It's like one of those Dressy Bessy doll things that you can footle with while peeing. So weird.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:20 PM on October 2, 2013


You hold the fly open with one hand and you hold your penis with the other.

So who holds my iPhone?

Seriously, it shouldn't take two hands to urinate. I guess if it does...congratulations?

Someone should open up a meta about how metas aren't supposed to be proxy askmes.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:46 PM on October 2, 2013


"Seriously, it shouldn't take two hands to urinate. I guess if it does...congratulations?"

Truly, it's most elegant with no hands, but people look askance in bathrooms if you do.
posted by klangklangston at 7:02 PM on October 2, 2013


Seriously, it shouldn't take two hands to urinate. I guess if it does...congratulations?

Do you think I'm holding it like Excalibur's hilt or something? Jeeze. Not with a simile like that, I'm not.

Anyway, for the tighter ones, you can just take the whole thing out, as Bulgaroktonos says, and for the looser ones, you can easily go one-handed either way.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 7:13 PM on October 2, 2013


Unbutton, unzip, and let it all hang out?

Go sit and browse and post to MeFi?

Just don't be gregarious.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:33 PM on October 2, 2013


I am now utterly in love with the word footle.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:06 PM on October 2, 2013


Oh, the one advantage of wearing boxers was that I could just pee through the leg hole, since after a few hours they had usually ridden up enough so that most of my junk was in position anyway.
posted by en forme de poire at 8:38 PM on October 2, 2013


I couldn't even bring myself to use the butt flap on my one-piece coverall feetie pajamas when I was a little girl, for fear of getting anything on them. I'd undo the whole front closure and pull them down like trousers to use the bathroom.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:10 PM on October 2, 2013


Freudysterical
posted by planetesimal at 9:11 PM on October 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just don't be gregarious.

But it's +2 Diplomacy AND a vassal opinion bonus!
posted by Dr Dracator at 5:34 AM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


And shyness is a terrible curse!
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:39 AM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


I couldn't even bring myself to use the butt flap on my one-piece coverall feetie pajamas when I was a little girl, for fear of getting anything on them.

That is a 100% legit fear.

I have noticed that, um, convenience holes in women's undergarments, when present, tend to be weirdly placed. I have an unusually elaborate foundation garment that has one for the front business, but I discovered that when I was actually wearing the thing the opening was more toward the middle. Since this a profoundly unsexful control bodysuit, I am sure it is not placed there for ease of entry, I can only assume the person who designed the suit is not really familiar enough with female anatomy to know we don't pee from there.

I would not be surprised, considering the number of women's underpants that have a seam right up the middle front, though I am unsure if that is put there out of carelessness, ignorance, or (considering the amount of pain it can cause) straight up malice.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:03 AM on October 3, 2013


I am unsure if that is put there out of carelessness, ignorance, or (considering the amount of pain it can cause) straight up malice.

When considering the women's clothing industry, I think it is safe to assume malice in all cases and go from there.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:07 AM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


So... was it doll underpants, or a really big cat?




They were these little promotional tighty whities that Hanes put in... Rolling Stone, I think?

That was in between the time they were worn by Cowboy Alien, who wore them while riding his steed, Antique Skunk, and Larry the Skeleton, who still has them on his head.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:15 AM on October 3, 2013 [3 favorites]


That cat looks like there was a really hard party. I bet the hotel room walls got clawed pretty bad and some violations of the Catnip Control Act were recorded.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:25 AM on October 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


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