Hive Mind Aggregator June 4, 2015 8:13 AM   Subscribe

After making two of my three most commonly recommended recommendations yesterday over in Ask, I was thinking it could be cool to come together and post here, in one place, all of the most useful things we've come across and the things that we find ourselves repeating thread after thread. Maybe someone will find something worthwhile here they never thought they needed!

p.s. I'm not talking things like "DTMFA" or "therapy!" but rather more concrete stuff that would answer a particular need.

Here are my big three:

1. Need a blank t-shirt? This place has you covered.

2. Want to read a new book? Read Crome Yellow. It's short, it's funny, the ebook edition is free and you have no excuse.

3. Have an elderly relative who's feeling lonely and isolated? Buy them a tablet and get them a facebook account.


What are yours?
posted by phunniemee to MetaFilter-Related at 8:13 AM (175 comments total) 150 users marked this as a favorite

This seems like something that should be in the Mefi Wiki.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:17 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


Apparently I recommend the Moosewood Daily Special cookbook a lot.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:17 AM on June 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


The funniest and simultaneously least-offensive movie I've ever seen is "Support Your Local Sheriff".
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:18 AM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


1- Charlie White
2- All Summer in a Day
3- Jesus christ man go to a doctor holy shit
posted by griphus at 8:19 AM on June 4, 2015 [20 favorites]


Urinals are redundant in any room that contains a sink.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 8:20 AM on June 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


If you have ants, try Terro.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 8:27 AM on June 4, 2015 [13 favorites]


Bad relationship? Bad workplace? Read all about sick systems.

If you are concerned about lead paint, asbestos, and/or drinking water quality, and you're in the US, you should start your research at the local (usually County) Health Department.

If a potential medical issue bothers you enough to Ask Metafilter, you should probably just go see a doctor already.
posted by pie ninja at 8:27 AM on June 4, 2015 [14 favorites]


tangerine's "Ask vs Guess culture" explanation. Holy cow, I think of this principle like eight days a week, and have shared the concept with a ton of other people.
posted by wenestvedt at 8:35 AM on June 4, 2015 [33 favorites]


- be as unashamedly graphic and detailed as possible when describing women's health issues to medical providers

- shave with clay soap instead of foams or gels full of rubbing alcohol

- name your tuxedo cat Mister Fancy Britches
posted by poffin boffin at 8:41 AM on June 4, 2015 [16 favorites]


also a heated mattress pad will change your life for the better.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:44 AM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


"Inflammable" means "flammable."
posted by griphus at 8:45 AM on June 4, 2015 [11 favorites]


The recipes people gave me in this thread are SO GOOD that I keep linking people back to it. Because seriously, I think like 75% of what I eat is from that thread.
posted by stoneweaver at 8:46 AM on June 4, 2015 [9 favorites]


1. Buy The Gift of Fear.
2. Practice Radical Acceptance.
3. Contact RAINN.
4. Call 211.
5. Comfort in, dump out.
6. Go vegan with The PPK and Isa Does It.
posted by divined by radio at 8:48 AM on June 4, 2015 [16 favorites]


MefiWiki
* EatMe (Cooking advice. With basic guides, ingredient and dish recipes and suggestions, and a restaurant guide by city.)
* FrenchMe (Learning about French)
* Frequently Asked of Metafilter
* Gamification
* Get a Lawyer
* Gift Ideas
* PayMe (Personal Finance AskMe Questions)
* ReadMe (Books)
* Should I Eat This?
* TaxMe (Advice about taxes)
* Therapy
* ThereIsHelp (Depression / Suicide resources)
* Travel Guides
* TV Show Recommendations
* Wear Me (Fashion / Clothing)
* We're All Mad Here (Questions of the "Am I crazy or..." variety)
posted by zarq at 8:48 AM on June 4, 2015 [10 favorites]


YNAB
posted by melissasaurus at 8:50 AM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


"No, I would not eat that."
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 8:53 AM on June 4, 2015


Wondering what to do with your life?
Go join the Coast Guard. Go rescue people for a living.
posted by Kabanos at 8:54 AM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


Probably my most common advice:

1. Read When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.
2. Use the mammalian diving reflex to immediately stop an anxiety attack.
3. You are not overreacting. You have a right to be upset at your partner and to express your feelings.
posted by desjardins at 8:56 AM on June 4, 2015 [23 favorites]


1. It's a critic of the thing you like, not you as a person in your entirety.
2. Try not to yuck on another person's yum.
3. No, you were not the only person who didn't know / consistently did that thing.
4. If you have to ask' Should I eat..?" you shouldn't eat it.
5. Go see the Doctor.
6. Jessamay is always right.
7. Yes PB can fix that, or no PB can't fix that it doesn't need fixing.
8. There is a 101 online for everything.
9. No. You are not the only person who likes that one thing.
10. Trolls gonna troll.
posted by Faintdreams at 9:03 AM on June 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


Watch "Remains of the Day."

Rose Wilder Lane and Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Drugs suck.
posted by Melismata at 9:07 AM on June 4, 2015


Best places to live in the US: Staunton, Va. or Ithaca, NY.
Not that I know all the other places, but still...
posted by Namlit at 9:10 AM on June 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


Have mentioned this a couple of times publicly on mefi, but have sent it to people by email as well:

One of the things that is often brought up in ACOA is that the alcoholic (or addicted) parent often creates an environment, with or without the help of their spouse, in which a veil of secrecy, privacy and shame are drawn over the entire household. Often, the other spouse or eldest child in the house will try to keep the other family members from discussing things that go on inside the home with outsiders. Out of shame, embarrassment, intimidation, etc. The family becomes isolated. This is extremely common, and becomes a pattern of behavior that can be passed down through generations of family members, even when neither parent is an alcoholic in the current family structure.

What this means is that one alcoholic parent can quite literally create a cycle of trust issues with the outside world that a family, and subsequent generations of that family, believe are perfectly natural, but are not. It also means that people within the household become what might possibly be referred to as unconscious enablers. They don't trust outsiders, are afraid of the consequences that might befall them and the other members of their family if they speak out. So they perpetuate the cycle.

The ACOA: Adult Children of Alcoholics Traits List applies to many of us who grew up in homes where secrecy was a major dynamic. Children who may have needed to hide an adult's alcoholism, addiction or abusive behavior from the outside world.

The list:
Situations - those states over which we have no control:

We were raised in alcoholic, emotionally abusive households. Consequently, each of us has many issues to resolve. One issue is that we acted as parents to our parents, and took responsibility for our siblings. As a result, we need to explore our sense of never having had a childhood.

Attitudes - reactions to self-perceptions:
1) We judge ourselves harshly
2) We take ourselves seriously and have difficulty having fun
3) We are approval-seekers and fear personal criticism
4) We feel isolated, different from other people
5) We focus on others rather than look honestly at ourselves
6) We are attracted to people who are rarely there emotionally for us
7) We guess at what normal is
8) We live from the viewpoint of victims

Character Traits - defenses developed as a result of having been raised in an alcoholic household:
1) We are overly responsible
2) We are frightened by angry people and authority figures
3) We need intimacy, yet have difficulty with intimate relationships
4) We fear abandonment
5) We have an exaggerated need to control
6) We have strong guilt feelings
7) We are overly reactive
8) We are loyal to others even though that loyalty may be undeserved
9) We stuff our feelings, unable to either feel or express them
10) Our impulsivity leads to anger, self-hate and loss of control
11) We tend to look for immediate rather than deferred gratification
12) We are angry people
13) We find it easier to give in to others than to stand up for ourselves
14) We are addicted to excitement
15) We often confuse love and pity
16) We have a tendency toward procrastination
17) We have difficulty trusting both ourselves and others
18) We have problems with self-esteem
19) We are anxious people, often dwelling on our past and future fears
20) We have the potential for, and tendency towards, becoming alcoholics and/or marrying them.
If many of these traits fit your personality, then there is a possibility that joining an ACOA group or finding a therapist specializing in ACOA issues may be helpful.

And sometimes, it's also good to discover that you're not alone.
posted by zarq at 9:13 AM on June 4, 2015 [64 favorites]


Seagull Guitars
Oban 14 single malt
Hitachi Magic Wand
In that order
posted by bondcliff at 9:15 AM on June 4, 2015 [13 favorites]


"Inflammable" means "flammable."
griphus

What a country!
posted by Sangermaine at 9:16 AM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


tangerine's "Ask vs Guess culture" explanation. Holy cow, I think of this principle like eight days a week, and have shared the concept with a ton of other people.

I work in a position in which we receive a lot of requests from individuals regarding things that need funding. I swear that in watching the patterns you can tell who comes from which sort of culture. Some people make a million requests to see what will stick against the wall (and if you put a hold on a response, it doesn't seem to bother them very much), and some people will suffer until the end of time until they finally make a somewhat apologetic request to replace a 20 year old thing. I'm not sure that it all boils down only to a binary understanding, but it has helped me realize that not every request is meant to be a ten-alarm fire, because for some people, requests actually mean different things socially and come with various levels of urgency built in, or an inherent understanding about what a particular response to that request means.
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:20 AM on June 4, 2015 [9 favorites]


I have recommended When Anger Scares You: How to Overcome Your Fear of Conflict and Express Your Anger in Healthy Ways so so so many times. It is pretty much the How To manual for "What to do when your 'Guess' tendencies are becoming unhealthily codependent." Wonderful for adult children of abusive or alcoholic families, as well.

I am really excited to check out stoneweaver's grain-free food thread. I love grains, so much that I really think I should maybe start cutting down on them, and I was just thinking about how to look for recipes without getting caught up in too much of the Paleo nonsense. Thanks!
posted by jaguar at 9:27 AM on June 4, 2015 [9 favorites]


All bleeding eventually stops.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:37 AM on June 4, 2015 [9 favorites]


When painting a room, after putting down tape, paint the tape edge the same color as the wall underneath. The dried paint forms a layer that reduces bleedthrough of the new color and reduces the need for touch-up work later on.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 9:38 AM on June 4, 2015 [16 favorites]


I have many times here heard exhortations to organize your own affairs -- business, healthcare, what have you -- while you are able, before you need to. Fortunately, there is now getyourshittogether.org to help. :7)

No affiliation, just glad it exists.
posted by wenestvedt at 9:48 AM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


Oh, here is another one: GET RENTER'S INSURANCE.
posted by phunniemee at 9:59 AM on June 4, 2015 [10 favorites]


If you are experiencing fatigue, anxiety, anger, insomnia, heart palpitations, hand tremors, weight loss, muscle weakness, GI upset, sweatiness, heat sensitivity, hair loss, insatiable hunger, or difficulty swallowing, or any subset of these symptoms, AND ESPECIALLY if you are a woman in your 30s or have recently given birth -- see your doctor for a thyroid test. You may have hyperthyroid.
posted by pie ninja at 10:02 AM on June 4, 2015


Contrary to popular wisdom, you can change other people. But you have little control over what they change into, and the cost to yourself and to them is going to be unimaginably high from your current vantage point.

So maybe don't attempt that.
posted by digitalprimate at 10:16 AM on June 4, 2015 [10 favorites]


I recommend this Everlasting Treat Ball every time someone's dog destroys all of its chew toys.
posted by Weeping_angel at 10:39 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


also if you are in the first few months of new relationship and you are posting a 10,000 word excruciatingly detailed askme about whether or not you should stay together, the answer will always be oh my god just break up right now.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:53 AM on June 4, 2015 [53 favorites]


If you are having trouble naming your new puppy or kitty, send them to me for a month and I will write back with a detailed proposal of possible names, nicknames, Twitter handles, and cute photos of my new pet your furry* BFF for life!

I also accept snakes and other non fuzzy creatures so long as you promise to feed them for me first please

Neither bugs nor mouses will I ever feed to any creature thank you

posted by Hermione Granger at 11:10 AM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


also if you are in the first few months of new relationship and you are posting a 10,000 word excruciatingly detailed askme about whether or not you should stay together, the answer will always be oh my god just break up right now.

Never's Law: it should not take more paragraphs to describe your relationship than months you have been together.

Also
-seconding Everlasting Treat Ball (GreenBall! in this house, and I'm a little disappointed that the last one we bought degraded a lot from being left in the sun all the time) and heated mattress pad
-I should just put this chicken breast procedure on my profile.
-Anxiety and Phobia Workbook should also go in my profile
-naturallycurly.com
-Flylady
posted by Lyn Never at 11:19 AM on June 4, 2015 [21 favorites]


Can I do thing with a phone number? voip.ms
posted by odinsdream at 11:32 AM on June 4, 2015


Want to stick one thing to another thing? Bewildered by the options?

ThistoThat.
posted by bonehead at 11:45 AM on June 4, 2015 [11 favorites]


Debt Snowball.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:57 AM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


Not super active in ask, but I seem to always recommend:

Cookwise by Shirley Corriher
A New Way to Cook and the Improvisational Cook both by Sally Schneider
Cathrine M Valente's Dirge for Prester John series.
A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M Miller Jr.
Joe Lansdale
Lee Morgan's album Sidewinder

...and talking about problems with your partner.
posted by Gygesringtone at 12:05 PM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


A look back at my embarrassingly repetitive answers proves that I keep coming back to these:

What are some cool jams to listen to?
Goat Rodeo Sessions
Hundred Waters
"Art Star" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
"Sky" by Shotmaker
Gesualdo
Three Mile Pilot
Bach's Violin Concerto in E Major
"Julie With..." by Brian Eno
"The Static Cult" by Mohinder
Gentle Giant
"Deadly Rhythm" by Refused
The Sea and Cake
Drive Like Jehu
"Fuck the Pain Away" by Peaches
"Pavane Pour un Infante Defunte" by Ravel
"Glory of Man" and "Viet Nam" by The Minutemen
The Dixie Dregs
The Sleepytime Trio
"Angel of Death" by Slayer

What are some cool books to read?
Anything by Flannery O'Connor
The Year of Decision: 1846
Red Harvest
First of the Penguins
Low Life
The Stories of Breece D'J Pancake

Where is a cool place to buy clothes?
Uniqlo (especially for socks)

What is the coolest bathing suit?
Birdwell Beach Britches

What googles should I buy?
Speedo Vanquishers

Where should I go on vacation that's warm and also interesting?
St. Augustine, FL
Cumberland Island, GA

What's a cool thing to eat or drink?
Grits
Lemonade with fresh mint in it (and also gin)

What's some cool fitness equipment?
A chin-up bar

What's a cool car to own?
BMW 2002 (just not a '75)

What's your triathlon advice?
Learn bi-directional breathing and practice open-water navigation

What cool stuff should my kitchen contain?-
Read Bittman's List
posted by saladin at 12:07 PM on June 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Pemmican.

OK, not really over and over again, but at least three times.
posted by Bruce H. at 12:35 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


If you want to sell a used something, and I mean anything, there is a direct correlation between the amount of work you put into selling it and the amount of money you'll get for it. I'll use the example of a record collection:

If you take detailed photos, meticulously grade each and every record, then post a series of eBay auctions over the course of a few weeks or months (with each auction containing boilerplate text like 'If you like X records, please follow my account, because I'll be listing hundreds of them in the next few weeks'), you're getting close to peak earnings. If, instead, you use Discogs or Amazon, and list prices a little bit higher than what the items typically sell for at retail, and wait around as long as it takes for them to sell at your higher price, that's about as far as it can be pushed. This will take hours of work and months, or years, of waiting, but it will maximize your return.

If, on the other hand, you go to the nearest place that buys old records and say to the person at the counter, 'Hey, I've got these old records, what will you give me for the lot?' You'll get something close to the minimum possible return, but it won't take much longer than the time it takes to unload the records. If you just put them on your front lawn with a sign that says 'Free Records,' or set them in front of the record store and then run like hell, well, that's as far as it can be pushed in the other direction.

I used records as an example, but the same dynamic applies with any kind of collection, a bike, a used car, pretty much a used anything. Decide how much work you're willing to put into it, or how much money you want to get out of it, and then solve for the other side of the equation.
posted by box at 12:37 PM on June 4, 2015 [10 favorites]


Take every chance you get to be happy. (Generally, this is in the context of "Should I try this LTR?", but it applies to a lot of other "Should I do this weird thing?" questions.)

There is no such thing as "on time"; there is early and there is late.

The DAF Spiral, wherein a bully raises the stakes on issues until you're forced to back down.

How to draw the line between your personal and professional lives.

"He's so nice, except when he's an asshole" means that he's always an asshole, but he has learned how to wear a nice-guy mask to function in society.
posted by Etrigan at 12:59 PM on June 4, 2015 [12 favorites]


Read Outlander! Just do it!

And go to Al-Anon. Even if you're an introvert or an atheist or whatever excuse you have for thinking it's not going to help.
posted by something something at 1:06 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


I am reading outlander. For the third time.
posted by Namlit at 1:29 PM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


BOWL OF FRUIT, YO.

(It worked for us again like three weeks ago!!!)
posted by wenestvedt at 1:31 PM on June 4, 2015 [28 favorites]


One that I've used several billion times - it's my own personal "join the Coast Guard!" - is "if someone is REALLY into you, they'll move heaven and earth to prove it, and you won't have to make justifications for them (or write lengthy, tortured AskMe questions about them)".

You need wool socks, like, NOW.

Buy a carnet of tickets when riding the Paris metro.

Also: Fiestaware!
posted by julthumbscrew at 1:32 PM on June 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


Try rock climbing!

Read Kate Elliott's epic fantasy novels.

Call a temp agency.

Get a dog, preferably a large one. And a crate. And take your dog to obedience class.
posted by suelac at 1:36 PM on June 4, 2015


Lemonade with fresh mint in it (and also gin)

Lemonade with rosemary (and also gin)
posted by The Whelk at 1:39 PM on June 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Read Outlander! Just do it!

When this comes up, my counter-advice is "read Outlander only if you are prepared for a whole faceful of graphic torture/rape via evil bisexual, followed by curing PTSD with further fake rape"

I do not get that book
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:40 PM on June 4, 2015 [9 favorites]


WEAR EARPLUGS.

Omg wear earplugs. Your future self will thank you so much.
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:44 PM on June 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
posted by cjorgensen at 2:01 PM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


OMG WEAR EAR PLUGS YOUR FUTURE SELF WILL THANK YOU SO MUCH.
posted by phunniemee at 2:07 PM on June 4, 2015 [40 favorites]


1) The best digital way to make small notes to yourself and keep todo/grocery lists is just to send emails to yourself. Fuck all the appstore and web 2.0 cashcows and other nonsense, email's got you covered.
2) If you want nice nails, take care of your goddamn cuticles (including pushing them back but not cutting them), use balm/moisturizer/oil, always keep them polished with sealed tips so they don't get wet, and never clip them, only file with a glass nail file. Everything else is optional, but that much is completely mandatory for niceness unless you are blessed with perfect genetics.
3) Wear sunscreen.
4) Versioning isn't backup and backup isn't versioning, and if you are creating any kind of digital content you need both.
5) Move more, both in quantity and quality.
6) Eat more protein and green veggies and less sugary/starchy carbs.
posted by The Master and Margarita Mix at 2:08 PM on June 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


Bryanna Clark Grogan
The Culture novels of Iain Banks
Tim Powers, especially Last Call and Expiration Date. (N.B.— don't look up anything about the latter. Don't even read the book jacket. Trust me.)
Fans will keep mosquitos away
The Wirecutter and The Sweethome
If people are telling you you're drinking too much, it's likely to be true. Cut down or quit.
1Password
The Best Cookies Ever
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:14 PM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


WWW.LITTER-ROBOT.COM
posted by elsietheeel at 2:24 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


If your sleep is not refreshing, get a sleep test. If you snore or stop breathing in your sleep, FFS go get a sleep test NOW. You can be any combination of young, thin, and/or female, and have sleep apnea. If you DO have apnea, a CPAP machine will change your life. Contrary to popular belief, CPAP machines are not noisy and cumbersome - mine is about the size of a shoe box and emits a very soothing whir.

If you are female and have any symptoms of hypothyroidism, get a thyroid test. Thyroid problems are very common in women, and you will feel 100% better once they are fixed.

Don't drink soda - drink water instead. Cut way back on the processed carbs. You will feel better, have more energy, fewer afternoon energy crashes, and your skin will look clearer, too.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 2:35 PM on June 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Oban 14 single malt

(Dalwhinnie/Clynelish/Ardbeg)
posted by Greg Nog at 2:39 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Boil some water! Lots of it!
posted by octobersurprise at 2:40 PM on June 4, 2015


Oban 14 single malt

Or Lagavulin 16.

Or Laphroaig Quarter Cask.
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:42 PM on June 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


BOWL OF FRUIT, YO.

I was curious about the Bowl of Fruit idea and so last year did an "experiment" around the Bowl of Fruit. For data's sake.

We had a super crappy BBQ. With the same exact description each time, on successive weekends I ran the ad with a picture as:
a) just the BBQ for cheap price
b) BBQ w/ bowl of fruit for same cheap price
c) just the BBQ for $25 more
d) BBQ w/bowl of fruit for $25 more

I'm happy to report: --The BBQ minus the bowl of fruit received zero interest both times.
--The bowl of fruit ads received 3-5 queries both times.
-- We sold the BBQ for the higher price from the bowl of fruit ad.

Fun data fun times!
posted by barchan at 3:00 PM on June 4, 2015 [23 favorites]


I seem to recommend these things a lot:

1) The Speech Accent Archive will help you identify different accents of spoken English.

2) Coffee (grounds or beans) will help get that stinky smell out of your [shoes, fridge].

3) Book recommendations: 4) If you need help with buying makeup and don't know where to start, go to Sephora--the staff are friendly and they don't work on commission; they'll bring you lots of products to try and show you how to use them.

5) If you have trouble sleeping, try listening to audiobooks or podcasts.

6) Andy Minter is one of the best volunteer audiobook narrators at Librivox.

7) Answer Me This is a great podcast. It's like Ask Metafilter but with chatfilter allowed.

8) If you have hard-to-fit feet, Barking Dog Shoes blog has great recommendations and reviews.

9) Zucchini butter is a cheap, easy, delicious potluck dish. It's also vegan and gluten free.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:02 PM on June 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


This is a great idea for a thread, phunniemee!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:03 PM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


I really want to know if anyone has actually joined the Coast Guard on the Internet's advice, and how it went for them. Like, whether it went well or terribly, I'm pretty sure it would make an awesome story.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:12 PM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


Apparently a lot of Coast Gaurd people are rotated into Guanatano Bay duty so I've always wondered about that advice.
posted by The Whelk at 3:14 PM on June 4, 2015


Sia. The artist you are thinking of (for party music, for a good ugly cry, for X-rights activism, for an example of someone who's willing to work across genres and make awesome collabs) is Sia.
posted by psoas at 3:15 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


All bleeding eventually stops.

It sure is taking robocop awhile.
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:16 PM on June 4, 2015 [17 favorites]


Oh, and when you're in DC, go check out the acoustic dome in front of the Canadian Embassy.
posted by psoas at 3:21 PM on June 4, 2015 [3 favorites]


My answer to almost every question about healthy tasty vegetarian food is Dr. Fuhrman, Eat to Live, and nutritarian recipes, cooked in advance on weekends and eaten the rest of the week. Eating this way has dropped my cholesterol dramatically, zapped my energy levels upward, and made me much thinner.

Positive reinforcement is always my recommendation to educate/encourage pets -- and a lot of humans -- to behave well. My goddess in this area is Karen Pryor and I love her book Don't Shoot the Dog.

Unstructured shoes that allow barefoot running style can really eliminate leg and foot pain.

With all due respect to 1password I really, really like LastPass, which is loaded onto every electronic device I own.

And if you want a bag I always recommend Tom Bihn, and if you want a coffee tumbler this one rocks, and lastly I am bats about my Ebike.
posted by bearwife at 3:47 PM on June 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


Wool socks. Specifically, REI Light Hikers. Just not with sandals.
Your camera doesn't matter. Using it enough that it 'disappears' does.
Boxer briefs, or trunks if you have muscular thighs.
Let the steak come up to room temperature first. Use a cast-iron pan. Don't overdo it.
Back up your computer. Preferably in two different places.
Your bike probably doesn't fit, unless you're certain it does. If you've broken something, replace it before it breaks other parts. Don't ride a cracked frame. Mail it with BikeFlights.
Renter's insurance.
Amazon Prime.
Credit union. USAA if you're eligible.
Burr grinder, fresh beans, clean water, clean brewer, 1:17 by weight, 94-96 C / 200-205 F. Brew method doesn't matter so much. Get a digital balance. Friends don't let friends drink flavoured coffee.
Keep your kitchen knives sharp. Learn how to use them. Turn your fingers down and in, and tuck your thumb behind them.
Floss.
posted by a halcyon day at 3:51 PM on June 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


Wash your hands more. With soap.
posted by gingerest at 4:09 PM on June 4, 2015 [4 favorites]


HI I AM A PERSON WHO LOVES BUYING THINGS AT MODCLOTH.COM. And this site is lousy with librarian types, so I know I am not the only one here.

However, Modcloth is sometimes shady about the brands they use. Nothing is "Modcloth Brand" and, while there are a few exceptions, most of their items can be found elsewhere on sites that don't tack on a quirk tax. There's nothing worse than spending $52 on craptastic Rocketdog brand shoes that you could have been disappointed by for half the price by going to Shoe Carnival. There have been several posts on AskMe that are basically "Modcloth is out of my size in the perfect dress for my wedding WHAT DO?" and the answer is usually going to the brand site (and more than once it's been Trashy Diva). Most of their jewelry is cheap Chinese junk you can find on Alibaba or Etsy. The best swimsuit is Esther Williams. Etc. Sometimes they post the brand! But sometimes they do not.

So, here are two links that will change your life: here and here. The first link shows you how to figure out the branding on the item if Modcloth is obscuring it. The second is a list of known brands Modcloth uses. Again, I love Modcloth! I do. I buy from them when it makes sense. But their prices range from reasonable to outrageous, their stock isn't the best, and if there are tons of reviews for an item of theirs on Amazon, I want to know.
posted by almostmanda at 4:23 PM on June 4, 2015 [51 favorites]


I realized that basically all of my advice boils down to this list:

1. Keep in mind John Gottman's "Four Horsemen" of the relationship apocalypse.
2. A useful concept my therapist told me once- be more Selfish with a capital S. Meaning, ask yourself what you really want and go after it. Don't neurotically try to mold yourself to fit outside standards. And always be nice to yourself- at least as nice as you are to friends or others.
3. Stop caring if people don't like you. It's really that simple. Be basically good and polite and just let the rest go. Sometimes it's their fault and their loss.
4. Read "The Gift of Fear" and always trust your gut. Don't be afraid to overreact when your safety is at stake.
5. Never give up. Ever. Ever!
6. Always, always be able to laugh at yourself.

I think if that's all the wisdom I ever pass on, that's pretty good.
posted by quincunx at 5:13 PM on June 4, 2015 [17 favorites]


If you're coming to Japan for a vacation, don't spend all your time in Tokyo. It's an impressive city, but there are more interesting places.

In Kyoto: Fushimi Inari Taisha has become insanely popular for a reason. It's stunning. Skip Ryoanji, which is over crowded and far. Try Daitokuji, which is a complex of temples, many with their own rock garden, and delightfully free of hordes of people trying to get just the right photo.

In Tokyo? Try day trips to Kamakura, Nikko, even Yokohama. All are great places, with tons to offer.

Don't want to leave Tokyo? If you like cooking, go to Kappabashi, the restaurant supply street. Check out Sengakuji, the resting place of the actual 47 Ronin (they were real, and the museum on the premises has a decent amount of English). Go to Ryogoku, see sumo if you can, if not, check out the Edo-Tokyo museum, if only because it's an awesome building. Yes, go see the Ghibli museum, it's worth it, even if it's pretty far away.

Thirsty? Drink some Japanese craft beer. Popeye in Ryogoku, Craft Beer Market (everywhere these days), a Baird Taproom, iBrew near Tokyo station, or tons of others. Mail me, I'll help you find a good place to drink good beer.

Coming to teach? Don't. The teaching industry has hit bottom, and they people trying to make money from it are cutting costs (and salaries) any way they can. There are better places to earn money to pay back loans.

Still want to come and teach English? Just remember that horrible manager you can't stand? Deal with them. A bilingual Japanese person with the skills to run your branch, deal with parents, deal with over privileged kids who are only there because they speak English and are (most likely) white (that would be the teachers), all the while working for probably less than the teachers, they aren't all that replaceable. There are wide eyed kids getting off the plane at Narita every day that want your job. In this situation, you're the replaceable one.

If you're going to be here for any length of time, start studying the language from day one, and realize that being foreign allows you to "get away" with shit, but that when you do transgressive things, you're just being an asshole and reinforcing the already negative image a lot of people here hold of foreigners.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:14 PM on June 4, 2015 [15 favorites]


Apparently I recommend the Moosewood Daily Special cookbook a lot.
Apparently I focus on one particular recipe from Moosewood - Hoppin' John.
posted by unliteral at 5:27 PM on June 4, 2015


I'm sure that's all good advice Ghidorah but do you know where you can buy Diet Mountain Dew?
posted by unliteral at 5:30 PM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


When you go out to eat, don't order anything you could make better and cheaper at home.
posted by box at 6:35 PM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


A single apple does not work when trying to sell houseplants on Craigslist. The quantity of fruit, and the nice bowl, are apparently not things you can take shortcuts with.
posted by Spathe Cadet at 6:41 PM on June 4, 2015 [11 favorites]


Never cruel or cowardly. And be sure to have plenty of ice.
posted by vrakatar at 6:50 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Tip the greater of $2 or 20% on the first drink when paying cash at the bar, even if you're just having a beer.
posted by fedward at 7:06 PM on June 4, 2015 [4 favorites]




1. Everything in life can be viewed as information warfare. Everything.
2. ...but the purpose of life is to "Do the best you can". That's really all there is to it. Seriously.
3. Want a complete career change, to start over? Three step plan to decide what to do.
4. Learn to swear in Scottish Gaelic.
5. Visit your library. Borrow stuff. Hey, you're paying for it in taxes anyway. And borrowing stuff notches up their stats. You're getting stuff you can borrow for free, and you're helping to keep an information professional in a socially useful job. Win win.
6. Situation? Problem? Conundrum? WWJD (What Would Jessamyn Do)?
7. Be patient. A noisy owl will eventually leave.
8. The best sex is treehouse sex.
9. Check out the shared areas at job interview workplace tours.
10. The concept of "home" is a difficult and deeply personal thing.
posted by Wordshore at 7:44 PM on June 4, 2015 [9 favorites]


Get a dog. But not if it's cause your SO wants a dog and you don't. But get a dog. Mine saved my life.

Tell your therapist about the childhood abuse that is impacting your life. They'll believe you and it isn't your fault. It's never your fault even if you were a child and so were they. IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT. Ask me believes you.

Get a dog.
posted by kanata at 7:53 PM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


It's okay to spitball possible directions on medical and legal issues with people here who aren't experts, although it's good to know that it never trumps good legal and medical advice from a professional. That being said, there are those here who will disagree with the general spit-balling because it 1) might put us at legal risk, or 2) people can't be trusted to sift thought what potentially works in conjunction with good professional counsel and leave the rest. However, it's still okay to press on and be a normal conversationalist in that regard while also being attentive to the importance of not wholly speaking out of your posterior.
posted by SpacemanStix at 8:37 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh, I just remembered how frequently I've recommended Tempeh Wingz as a fantastic vegetarian (vegan if you use margarine instead of butter) entree! They are so wonderful!
posted by Greg Nog at 9:28 PM on June 4, 2015 [6 favorites]


I have made them and they are Indeed Great

(they're good cause I rarely eat Tempeh but this really uses its texture and consistency well without trying to make it seem too much like Something Else. A blue cheese sauce makes it not Vegan but its an idea...)
posted by The Whelk at 9:30 PM on June 4, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have never made tempeh, but I think Tempeh Wingz with blue cheese dressing just got added to my menu for this weekend.

This thread is awesome. Thanks, phunniemee!
posted by jaguar at 9:57 PM on June 4, 2015


Don't go to law school. Almost every single "Should I go to law school?" thread is filled with hordes of people bellowing in unison, "No!"—and with good reason.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 10:01 PM on June 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


The book you want to get for your (x) is The Sparrow. The book you want to read for yourself is The Lies of Locke Lamora.

You didn't deserve it then and you don't deserve to be treated this way now.

Try wet shaving.

Talk to your local Legal Aid clinic.

There are almost no sex-related dealbreakers, except for the inability to talk about what you need.

Kefir is the best food to settle your stomach, or failing that, the best food to throw up.
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:15 PM on June 4, 2015 [7 favorites]


Super great things that I have discovered through Mefi and that I keep going back:

How to tell people they sound racist. Good 'ol Jay Smooth's truth bomb is something I have referred many people too.

Cargo cult argumentation. Eyebrows Mcgee's mic drop that will echo through the ages.

Sick systems is a great articulation to help people realise that they're stick in in horrible jobs.

Neil Cicergia's amazing mashup albums. So catchy and insane!
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 10:25 PM on June 4, 2015 [8 favorites]


I made sure there was a prominent bowl of fruit in the photos of my house and on the bench whenever people came to see it when it was on the market. Like seriously, it was the best bowl of fruit I could put together. I spent the whole month replenishing pineapples. The house sold for $20k more than expected, in a depressed market.

It works.
posted by lollusc at 10:56 PM on June 4, 2015 [22 favorites]


my go-to has long been Everything You Know Is Wrong [but you already knew that]
posted by philip-random at 11:46 PM on June 4, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've been adapting AskMe answers into the MeFi Wiki Get a lawyer page, and I also use the page as a starting point to help find more specific legal resource referrals for various questions. I'm also a fan of the SSI/SSDI Outreach, Access and Recovery (SOAR) program, both as a training and community resource.

I'm hoping to start building a Homeless. Now What? page for the MeFi Wiki soon, and similarly to how the Get a lawyer page basically got built around a comment by crush-onastick, I've been thinking about starting a wiki page that incorporates comments and resources identified by Michele in California. There was a post on AskMe yesterday that is a good example of how the hive mind has a lot to offer people experiencing homelessness or at risk of homelessness.
posted by Little Dawn at 11:52 PM on June 4, 2015 [5 favorites]


"Replenishing the Pineapples" will be the title of my wry, incisive novel about a frazzled, overcommitted, thirtysomething heterosexual cis white woman who is brought up short by an unexpected family health crisis, only to learn what really matters: family, friends, pets, good food, spirituality, taking time for yourself, and buying the correct stuff. Also remembering to plant color spots if you're selling in the high season.
Judd Apatow will option it, keep the title and the best jokes, and change the lead character to the husband so he can cast Seth Rogen.
posted by gingerest at 11:59 PM on June 4, 2015 [13 favorites]


Coconut oil. For everything. It just works.
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:11 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Examples in case you need them:
- as a frying oil
- on sandwiches instead of butter/margarine
- as a main ingredient in your own home made toothpaste
- as a skin oil or massage oil
- as a hair oil to decrease frizz
- as a lube or to soothe genital itches or chafing
- as a mild anti-fungal or anti-bacterial
posted by Too-Ticky at 4:50 AM on June 5, 2015


Save money on ADHD coaching with this book.
posted by batbat at 5:39 AM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have never made tempeh

On the off chance that you're actually interested in making your own tempeh instead of buying it, I've been dying for an excuse to recommend The Art of Fermentation by Sandor Ellix Katz.

If you can think of a food that's preserved\produced via enzymatic, microbial, and\or fungal action, it probably has directions on how to make it, and lots of cool ideas for make-shift incubators and such. It even tells you how to make home-made fish sauce, but I think that may be something most people are better off not knowing.
posted by Gygesringtone at 6:01 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


Looking for a doctor (of any specialty) in a major US metropolitan region and want to have a fairly immediate appointment? Use ZocDoc. You poke in your location, which specialty (including primary care), and your insurance, and it spits out a list of available MDs with appointment times. You get to avoid calling fifteen different practices to find someone who is accepting new patients and actually takes your insurance.

It is free for patients.

Looking for an apartment in NYC and want to make sure your future home has good management? Use NYC HPD's Online Portal to look up the address in question and see how many complaints have been made to 311 and how quickly they were resolved.

Having a problem with a landlord in NYC? Call 311. HPD does send out inspectors. Their ability enforce stuff is not that excellent, but if your landlord isn't a total slumlord it might scare him or her into compliance.

Want to do something with your garden that doesn't involve a huge amount of effort? Plant bulbs. Narcissus (aka Daffodils) are a good bet because they aren't eaten by deer or rodents.
posted by sciencegeek at 6:26 AM on June 5, 2015 [14 favorites]


>I have never made tempeh

>>On the off chance that you're actually interested in making your own tempeh instead of buying it, I've been dying for an excuse to recommend The Art of Fermentation by Sandor Ellix Katz.


Oh, no, your instincts were correct that my phrasing was bad; I should have said that I've never prepared or cooked tempeh, though I suppose it's true that I've never made it myself, either. I'd been idly considering attempting my own kimchi, however, but been a little frightened of the whole process, so I may look for your recommended resource anyway!
posted by jaguar at 6:53 AM on June 5, 2015


....And I just placed a hold on it at the local library. Yay!
posted by jaguar at 6:56 AM on June 5, 2015


Not sure this is exactly what phunniemee is asking for in this thread, but every time I catch wind of some well-meaning but unqualified person wanting to head straight to a disaster zone to help out, I always think of this brilliant answer Dee Xtrovert left on the green a few years back.
posted by futureisunwritten at 7:00 AM on June 5, 2015 [9 favorites]




The Five Love Languages isn't really a thing that is good for relationships in and of itself but it can be a good shorthand for the fact that different people give and show emotions in differing ways and if your goal is communication and harmony (not status or winning or whatever) it's really worth understanding what someone means even if you think they're not "communicating clearly"

In reading these answers, I can link a lot of them directly to people's frustrated answers in other recent AskMe threads like "Argh why aren't you doing the obvious thing?!" The generalized answer is that, just like common sense, the obvious answer is, for many reasons, not obvious. It's such a short jump from "Terro kills ants like nothing else" (so true in my life) and "Everyone should (or should not) do something like this" Learning the difference between those types of statements has been one of the best lessons I've learned in AskMe.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 9:14 AM on June 5, 2015 [6 favorites]


I think the advice I repeat the most often in AskMe answers is:

(Drum roll.... .)

Babybel cheese keeps well without refrigeration as long as the wax is unbroken .


/deep
posted by Michele in California at 11:25 AM on June 5, 2015 [10 favorites]


Must reads:

Suzette Haden Elgin's Verbal Art of Self Defense books

Toxic Parents

Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird (Concepts can be very helpful.)

Dinosaur Brains (old book. Summary here.

Emotional Vampires and Emotional Intelligence. Not necessarily those books, per se. But understanding the concepts.
posted by zarq at 11:50 AM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


Seconding "Bird by Bird." Read that here a while back (sorry, can't remember who made the comment) and I repeat it to myself on pretty much an hourly basis when life starts piling up.
posted by futureisunwritten at 12:32 PM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


I made sure there was a prominent bowl of fruit in the photos of my house and on the bench whenever people came to see it when it was on the market.

I put a bowl of tiny colorful potatoes on my kitchen table and my condo sold the first day. The advice is sound, be creative.


Also, I seem to give a lot of tax advice.
posted by bendy at 12:34 PM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh of course I forgot:
Before doing any kids, read Jean Liedloff The Continuum Concept: In Search Of Happiness Lost
posted by Namlit at 12:37 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Poopshake
posted by space_cookie at 12:45 PM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


SUPER EASY NEVER FAIL STIR FRY

Curious about an airplane accident? AVHerald covers major incidents worldwide; the NSTB maintains a database of every investigation they've ever been involved in. The FAA maintains an incident database that includes things that the NTSB didn't investigate. You can also look up tail numbers if you want to know which FBI front company is circling low over your house at all hours.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:57 PM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


If a relationship question pings my "Your SO is emotionally unavailable" nerve I recommend Baggage Reclaim, a site I learned about here.

The answer to a lot of the movie questions I answer is often Harold and Maude.

All California renters should familiarize themselves with the California Tenants Handbook [PDF]. California Civil Code is unambiguous, and when it comes to security deposits you should always sue your landlords if they jerk you around because judges hate landlords that waste their time.

In L.A. you can avoid going to the DMV for most things if you join AAA. Almost all the routine things like car registration can be handled in a few minutes at a AAA office.
posted by Room 641-A at 1:10 PM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


On a minor note: swallow pills by filling your mouth with liquid first, then putting the pill in. (This still doesn't work all the time for me, but as someone who has serious problems taking pills, it's improved my track record considerably.)
posted by thomas j wise at 1:12 PM on June 5, 2015 [6 favorites]


For anyone dealing with a family member with Alzheimer's or Dementia - The 36 Hour Day

If you or a family member served in the Armed Forces during wartime, you are eligible for a disability pension any time you become permanently disabled, no matter when that may be or the cause of the disability.

Nemesis by Shriekback.
posted by Sophie1 at 1:21 PM on June 5, 2015 [6 favorites]


If you or a family member served in the Armed Forces during wartime, you are eligible for a disability pension any time you become permanently disabled, no matter when that may be or the cause of the disability.

....Would you happen to know how they define "family member" and "served"? Because I do have a family member who did serve during a war, but he was my grandfather who "served" in the SeaBees and it was World War II, and that feels it'd be a weird edge-case.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:44 PM on June 5, 2015


OMG you guys, I recently sold the house I bought in 2011 for TWICE WHAT I PAID FOR IT in only 12 days using a bowl of fruit! Bowl of fruit in the MLS pictures, bowl of fruit on the otherwise empty dining table for every showing. BOWL OF FRUIT, YO. Thanks, MetaFilter!
posted by rabbitrabbit at 2:26 PM on June 5, 2015 [8 favorites]


The ingredient of Soylent Green.
posted by 4ster at 2:28 PM on June 5, 2015


Depressed or lonely? Volunteer and exercise

Recumbents recumbents recumbents. They're one of the luxuries of life. Fantastic for bad backs, shoulders, etc., fast, comparable in price to uprights, and there is no going back.
posted by aniola at 2:29 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


You can change LITERALLY ANYTHING that makes you unhappy about your life. LITERALLY ANYTHING.

If you have a vague, niggling sense you're not in the right relationship for you, YOU ARE NOT IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU.

Have you thought about roasted mushrooms? Roasted mushrooms are delicious.
posted by kate blank at 2:58 PM on June 5, 2015 [6 favorites]


Asparagus pizza.

Stay with me here, though. The technique is important: using a vegetable peeler you're going to make long strips of asparagus by slicing down them lengthwise. Rest each on the handle of a wooden spoon if you need that extra clearance with your peeler.

Lay these thin strips on an olive oil and mozzarella pizza. Delicious.
posted by odinsdream at 3:51 PM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


I made my mattress suggestion for like the sixth time yesterday.

I know I've recommended YNAB more than twice.

Low-carbing is probably my other frequent recommendation.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 4:02 PM on June 5, 2015


The Edith Grossman translation of Don Quixote.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:21 PM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]


For purchasing cheapish second-hand books with free international shipping and profits going to literacy and reading programs: BetterWorldBooks.

(Sorry Metafilter Amazon program).
posted by Thella at 4:52 PM on June 5, 2015 [2 favorites]


What type of specialist should I see for ____________?
You should start with your primary care physician for almost everything.

I'm trying to help an elderly person or deal with my own end of life issues, what should I do?
- Get a will. Get a power of attorney. Get a healthcare proxy. And if you can't get a healthcare proxy you can talk to about your wishes, get a POLST. It's a much better, much more helpful to your doctors version of a DNR/DNI (do not resuscitate, do not intubate) order.
- Try to make the house safer through fall prevention - no throw rugs, install grab bars, put nonstick mats in bath, etc.

What should I invest in?
Most likely, no-load index funds with low expense ratios.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 5:18 PM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


....Would you happen to know how they define "family member" and "served"? Because I do have a family member who did serve during a war, but he was my grandfather who "served" in the SeaBees and it was World War II, and that feels it'd be a weird edge-case.
Military families have legal rights above and beyond civilian families. The American Bar Association offers legal information about a variety of issues, and an online directory that can be searched by location for military legal assistance offices, legal aid and pro bono organizations, lawyer referral and information services, and military-specific programs.

Statesidelegal.org is a nonprofit organization that offers legal help for military members, veterans and their families, including an online directory of free and fee-based legal assistance that can be searched by location.
via the MeFi Wiki Get a lawyer page
posted by Little Dawn at 5:57 PM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


Can't decide if you should end your relationship? Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:44 PM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]


Coffee ice cubes. So as not to water down one's iced coffee.

Best advice I've ever gotten from the Internet. Improves my life practically every afternoon.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:19 PM on June 5, 2015 [9 favorites]


rabbitrabbit: I know I've recommended YNAB more than twice.

Reader, I took that advice!
posted by Room 641-A at 7:58 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, but doesn't coffee ice cubes result in a coffee-flavored ice cube tray? Do you have to buy another tray?
posted by wenestvedt at 8:02 PM on June 5, 2015


Yes, it requires a dedicated ice cube tray. We got one with a sliding top that prevents splashy-splashy and thus ice cube cross-contamination. Works really well.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:02 PM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]


All together now.....CATS. ARE. WEIRD.
posted by Lycaon_pictus at 9:29 PM on June 5, 2015 [5 favorites]


Can you still buy mushrooms in Amsterdam? I fear this advice is now deprecated.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:12 AM on June 6, 2015


So I'm about to sell a bunch of furniture in anticipation of a move, and I'm getting the sense that I should put a bowl of fruit on or near, like, everything. Just a whole bunch of ads with the same bowl of fruit in each one. "Ikea kitchen island, fruit not included." "Armchair, fruit not included."
posted by teponaztli at 1:00 AM on June 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


You're not willing to throw in the bowl to make the sale?! "A, B, C: always be closing!"
posted by wenestvedt at 3:49 AM on June 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


You can't buy dried or fresh mushrooms in Amsterdam any more, or dried truffles, but you can still buy fresh truffles from smart shops.

They're like the sourest, bitterest little walnuts you've ever eaten, with a side of ego death.
posted by terretu at 3:51 AM on June 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


Buy an aeropress.
Get a contraceptive implant and never have periods (or children) again!
You are not inherently bad at this thing, you just haven't chosen to put the time into learning it.
You can furnish most of your house from Freecycle while you work out what you want.
Try weightlifting.
Try roasting a chicken with a chopped sweet potato, a chopped apple and a bottle of cider.
posted by emilyw at 3:52 AM on June 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


* Lonesome and need to work on your social skills? Try volunteering!

* I've hyped The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast so many times, Paul Gilmartin should just hire me as his PR lady already. (Seriously, if you've been wrestling with depression or childhood trauma or whatever, this show may change your life.)

* Everybody in this thread is being so mean to you, oh my God! You sound like you're confused and hurting, but I really doubt you're a write-off as a human being. I do think you really need to talk to a therapist, though.

* Everybody in this thread is being so mean to your girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever-friend, oh my God! I don't think Ask Metafilter is the best place for a question like this. If you really want to work this out, you probably need to talk to your partner about couples' counseling.

* You're being way too hard on yourself, honey. You don't suck. You will find somebody, and you won't be alone forever.

* I know you tried therapy, and you feel like it didn't help. Try therapy again. A good therapist can definitely help, if you let them.

* Your version of events sure does make that other person sound like a weird, mean jerk! But I wonder if we're getting the full story here. How would they say this went down? Is it maybe possible that you're not entirely blameless in this mess?

* Ross Dress for Less. If you can't find it there, you probably don't need it.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:36 AM on June 6, 2015 [10 favorites]


Don't take it personally. Everybody sucks at taking advice.
posted by flabdablet at 7:26 AM on June 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


Looking for something different for breakfast?
Have you thought about not just at eating classically breakfast foods for breakfast? PBJ could be the answer.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:49 AM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


Anne Tyler is the best slice of life character author ever.

Rissoles aka meatballs can be made to taste like anything with the right herbs and seasonings, and as long as you bind them with breadcrumbs and egg (or suitable substitutes), they will stay together. They make great protein snacks.

If you can stand the really, really problematic shit, 'Aztec' by Gary Jennings is an amazing novel.

Bert is always a good name for a medium sized dog.

Australian indie/alternative music has been excellent for many, many decades. 'Sunshine' by 78 Saab is the best driving song ever. PJ Harvey is who you're looking for. Also possibly Michael Nyman.

Empathy and kindness are not weaknesses and being less judgmental is actually a good thing.

Having an abortion will not ruin your life, and raising children is complicated.

If you see a middle aged woman with a young child, you will make more friends by complimenting the grandmother on their lovely child than by complimenting the mother on their grandchild.

American toilets are scary to vomit in, the water is up far too high.
posted by h00py at 8:00 AM on June 6, 2015 [10 favorites]


Have you thought about not just at eating classically breakfast foods for breakfast? PBJ could be the answer.

Also, breakfast for dinner is always a winner.

If McDonald's ever takes this seriously, they'll make a zillion dollars.
posted by SpacemanStix at 12:26 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


If you're an adult and are looking for a gift for a younger adult or if someone asks you what you want for a gift giving holiday: AAA membership is always nice. You don't really notice it until you need it or make reservations for a hotel or amtrak and then you get highway assistance or a nice discount on things. Another nice gift is museum or other cultural institution membership.
posted by sciencegeek at 2:03 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


Feliway is pretty great for behavioral problems and calming cats during stressful events.
posted by faethverity at 3:18 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


I think dogs should be called Stella (ahhhhhhh!) if they're a girl dog, or Donny (you're out of your element!) if they're a boy dog.
posted by honey-barbara at 5:19 PM on June 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


Well, I've just spent over an hour looking back through my old answers, and it seems that I have two pieces of advice:

1. Buy a motorcycle
2. Read Annie Dillard
posted by 256 at 6:05 PM on June 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


Anyone who is concerned for their safety or the safety of others because of a family member, partner, spouse, household member, etc., can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224, which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year to provide confidential crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Hotline operators are specially trained and can provide resources, help with options to stay safe or just listen. Local organizations may be able to help with finding free or low-cost legal assistance and may have legal advocates available to help with court paperwork and navigating the court process.

Womenslaw.org is a project of the National Network to End Domestic Violence that offers a variety of resources, including an email hotline for questions about how to find help, legal information for every state and information about finding a lawyer for domestic violence cases.

via the MeFi Wiki Get a lawyer page
posted by Little Dawn at 7:07 PM on June 6, 2015


1. Get a lawyer
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline
3. SSI/SSDI Outreach, Access and Recovery (SOAR)
4. NAMI helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org
The NAMI HelpLine is a free service that provides information, referrals and support to people living with a mental health condition, family members and caregivers, mental health providers and the public.
5. Information about student loan repayment options
posted by Little Dawn at 7:37 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


Little Dawn reminded me:

If you think you were sexually assaulted in any way, or almost sexually assaulted in any way, or something weird happened that you don't think could really be called sexual assault but you're still tied up in knots about it, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) in the US to be connected with the nearest rape crisis/sexual assault center, and they should be absolutely ok to talk with you about what happened and what you might want to do next. (I have heard mixed experiences with the online chat, so I suggest calling.) I used to volunteer on the line, and almost everyone who calls worries that their own experience doesn't "count" enough to call. If you want or need support, call.

Also, if you want or need support through therapy for whatever problem you may have, you deserve it. It doesn't matter how "small" your problem seems to you. Half the people in my therapy office seem to think that they're wasting my time; I have never, not once, felt that any client was wasting my time because their problems were "too small." If it's causing you ongoing distress, it's not too small of a problem to ask for help with. (I realize this may be a US therapy cultural norm, so I won't speak for other places.)
posted by jaguar at 7:55 PM on June 6, 2015 [6 favorites]


If you've never read any Wittgenstein, and want to try some, start with On Certainty.
posted by wittgenstein at 7:03 AM on June 7, 2015 [6 favorites]


The best gingerbeer is in fact Ginger People, followed by Jackson Hole. Bundaberg or Cock and Bull if you can't find either of those.
posted by gingerbeer at 9:21 AM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


That saxophone song is Baker Street.
posted by phunniemee at 9:53 AM on June 7, 2015 [8 favorites]


The best gingerbeer is in fact Ginger People, followed by Jackson Hole. Bundaberg or Cock and Bull if you can't find either of those.

Reed's Extra Ginger Brew tops my list and I don't even see it on yours! Way better than Bundaberg in my opinion.
posted by phunniemee at 9:55 AM on June 7, 2015


If you and your vet have already ruled out any physical ailments, prozac might be helpful for your neurotic kitty with litterbox issues.
posted by stennieville at 2:33 PM on June 7, 2015


Here's a new one for posterity that should not be used in typical conversation:
You shouldn't use The Lord's name in vain, because he doesn't exist.
This is just a metal moment thought brought to you by working from home and blasting Amorphis, not intended to totes offend and be all lolxians. I don't wear Fedoras but it's OK to depict the quotation wearing a Fedora in future citations if it suits.
posted by aydeejones at 3:26 PM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


Apparently I recommend the Moosewood Daily Special cookbook a lot.
posted by EmpressCallipygos


I don't know about "a lot" but you did recommend it to me last week, and my copy arrived this afternoon! I can't wait to check it out!

Thank you!
posted by Short Attention Sp at 3:47 PM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


The best ginger beer…

is Blenheim's Old #3. Full stop.
posted by a halcyon day at 4:32 PM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


I don't think I've ever linked to this in an answer because I'm often late to threads, but grumblebee's iconic answer about discovering your "pure" passion should automatically pop up whenever someone asks anything along the lines of "do what I like, or do what makes money?".
posted by pianissimo at 4:45 AM on June 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


You're not willing to throw in the bowl to make the sale?! "A, B, C: always be closing!"

When we went to look at our new house, they had one of those plastic pumpkin buckets kids use for trick-er-treating full of tootsie rolls in one of the cupboards. The next time we visited, we were in the process of closing (I think we were measuring for blinds), and my daughter was absolutely devastated that they had taken the candy.

So, when we were closing, we mentioned it to the listing agent, just as sort of a funny story. Between the time we closed that morning and the time we picked up the kids from school that afternoon, she had found the pumpkin, filled it with candy, and left it on our doorstep. I think my daughter was as excited by that as she was having by her own room
posted by Gygesringtone at 8:42 AM on June 8, 2015 [12 favorites]


Oh my god, how did I forget this one? Whenever someone (incorrectly) asserts that the U.S. is "not a democracy, it's a republic" I get cranky. (Apparently I'm not the only one.)

...and now even Volokh has weighed in on it.
posted by psoas at 9:11 AM on June 8, 2015


Short attention span - I especially recommend the Classic Sichuan Noodles, the Tuscan Bean soup, the French Pasta Salad, the Barley-and-Grape salad and all the minestrones (there are four, one for each season). There's also recipes for biscuits and popovers in the back.

Enjoy!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:21 AM on June 8, 2015


The best ginger beer…

is Blenheim's Old #3. Full stop.


I agree, but Bruce Cost is pretty aight.
posted by box at 9:28 AM on June 8, 2015


I appear to have hopped into every book recommendation thread I can find in the past year to recommend Gene Luen Yang in some form or another.
posted by edbles at 1:46 PM on June 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


This is a data sample size of 4-5, but the current thinking on thyroid issues seems to be: 'Well, this is the acceptable range. You are in the low side of the range, but being in the acceptable range means all those blatant symptoms of low thyroid? SOME OTHER PROBLEM, KTHNKS BYE!'

And actually getting the thyroid higher seems to fix things, with little to no repercussions. Might possibly be worth pursuing if you get a brush-off.

Oh, and if its sexytimes issues? Go to your doctor.

Loving yourself is always going to make your life better!
posted by Jacen at 6:11 PM on June 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


Bras (and bathing suits and clothes) for larger-boobed people (particularly the cursed small band size, large cup size) - Bravissimo. You can mail order if you're not in the UK. Their fit guides are good. Their prices, even with the exchange rate, have at least in the past been better than what I've found in the US (when I've found anything in the US at all) and there's a good selection of nice stuff.
posted by you must supply a verb at 2:12 AM on June 9, 2015


"As a person qualified to answer this question in real life, I suggest you find a person qualified to answer this question in real life."

(Thank you again, melissasaurus, for the best piece of general-purpose legal advice ever given on AskMe.)
posted by The Bellman at 9:23 AM on June 9, 2015 [9 favorites]


Copying from a comment I just made because I always have a hard time explaining what this is:

If you like to bake bread, this Mixed Mass Percentage Calculator is a super cool tool that tells you exactly how much of both flour and gluten -- by brand! -- to use to achieve the exact percentage of protein you want for whatever mass you need.

It's great in a pinch but now I use this for everything because it's cheaper than buying bread flour.
posted by Room 641-A at 12:25 AM on June 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


So I went back over my comments, and I tell you what, evidently I'm a big fan of boundaries. Sheesh. I think I recommend boundaries more than therapy, which has to be some sort of anomaly on the Green. Isn't therapy supposed to always be the first recommendation in a response to Human Relations questions?

I also talk some about what it's like to have alcoholics in the family pretty frequently, and I still have this comment bookmarked so I can easily get to those sources in one spot. And, I talk pretty frequently about what it's like to be married to a spouse with depression.

That said, my personal favorite comment is the story about my friend who ended up with a terrible email address in college.
posted by RogueTech at 5:46 PM on June 11, 2015


Argh I failed at links. Oh well.
posted by RogueTech at 5:56 PM on June 11, 2015


I know this thread is setting slowly in the west now, but I posted this paragraph this morning and it occurred to me I've posted something like it a few too many times. So here it is for posterity:

I'd strongly suggest seeing a therapist, and no matter how broke you are it still may be possible to make that happen. Call local therapists and ask if they can hook you up with anybody who will see you on a sliding scale. If you live near a large university, call and ask if they have any program where a psychology intern can see you. (Don't get scared off by them being interns, it doesn't mean they're just the kids who get coffee for the real shrinks. They've had plenty of training and they can be great. That's how I met my longtime shrink, and I would take a bullet for that lady.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:06 AM on June 14, 2015


The other thing I seem to say a lot is take co-q-10. Frankly, it sort of annoys me. It's a long-ish explanation and I sometimes think about putting it on some blog just so I can say "here, read this" instead of typing it all out...AGAIN.
posted by Michele in California at 11:06 AM on June 15, 2015 [3 favorites]


Never give up hope.

You may think "The Thing" will not happen, for years - decades even. And people may say, tell you, the cynical and downbeat and negative people with hearts of cold stone, that the thing will never happen, and you are wasting your time and your life hoping that it will.

And then one day: the thing happens. And it's one of the best days of your life.

So, don't put your life on hold in expectation. Because the wait may be a long wait. A very long wait. But also - Never give up hope.
posted by Wordshore at 6:37 PM on June 16, 2015 [2 favorites]


Also, don't hold yourself to things that you thought you'd never do, if circumstances change. You don't have to hold yourself hostage to past thoughts if they no longer apply.
posted by h00py at 3:07 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Each of us has just one chance at existence" from this Guardian article, November 2013.
posted by Wordshore at 1:40 PM on June 29, 2015


Mr Money Mustache

Insight Meditation

Keep a gratitude journal.
posted by BeHereNow at 9:52 AM on June 30, 2015


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