Something nice at the end of 2016: you! December 30, 2016 11:15 AM   Subscribe

It's a call-in show! I'm gonna run voicemails from MeFites as part of the next podcast, so give us a call at (505) 663-6334. That's (505) 663-MEFI. Just say who you are and share a quick thought—maybe one good thing from 2016, or something you're looking forward to in 2017, or something you liked on MeFi, or even a New Years resolution if that's your sorta thing.

A couple details:
- It'll go straight to voicemail, no human interaction required!
- Try to keep it short! 30 seconds is great, five minutes not so much.
- Speak up! Phone quality can be iffy, it's great to be able to hear you clearly.
- We're planning to podcast early next week, so try and call before Monday if you can!

We'll appreciate hearing from you even if we end up not being able to fit everybody's message into podcast running time or edit around audio quality issues, etc. And if you want to say hi but don't want to be on the podcast, just say so in your message and we'll happily honor that.

Look forward to hearing from y'all, and to y'all being able to hear each other.
posted by cortex to MetaFilter-Related at 11:15 AM (115 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

This is fantastic!


Hello?



Hello?


Can you hear me?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:10 PM on December 30 [3 favorites]


you're holding the phone upside down
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:11 PM on December 30 [18 favorites]




Done! Um, I'd had a gin and tonic or uh two to drink beforehand. Sorry about that. May require subtitles/transcribing and I've already utterly forgotten what I said. If it was an invite to a hot tub party, can you scrub it and will redo? Thanks.
posted by Wordshore at 12:15 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


Dooone
posted by frenetic at 12:27 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


Hmmm. Just a thought - how do we know that people are who they say they are? For example, if I phoned in now and put on a west coast USA accent while pretending to be trapped inside my house as the Internet of Things garage door and front door were arguing, how do you know if I am really Matt or not?
posted by Wordshore at 12:33 PM on December 30 [3 favorites]


- It'll go straight to voicemail, no human interaction required!

You know us so well.

Great phone number too, glad it was available!
posted by Melismata at 12:36 PM on December 30 [9 favorites]


I know Matt's hums and uhs like the back of my hand, or else I might worry. Although it might be fun to do a future call-in show where everybody tries to do their best (nice) impression of him.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:37 PM on December 30 [5 favorites]


If it was an invite to a hot tub party, can you scrub it

I'll scrub my body if you scrub your hottub.
posted by hippybear at 12:37 PM on December 30 [4 favorites]


Great phone number, too, glad it was available!

Yeah, Google Voice lets you search a whole bunch of available numbers by specific substring; I found several that ended in MEFI's digits, and I liked Los Alamos best as a fake podcast call center HQ.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:38 PM on December 30 [8 favorites]


Can I do my impression of cortex?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:40 PM on December 30


I'm getting no ring, no answer message, just basically a dead connection.

I'll try again later, but Google: much disappoint.
posted by hippybear at 12:43 PM on December 30


Does that number accept text messages of photos of me in which I can not legally be described as "nude" (Sherman v. Jumbotron Corporation, 2016)
posted by griphus at 12:43 PM on December 30 [8 favorites]


There is exactly one way to find out, griphus.

I'm getting no ring, no answer message, just basically a dead connection.

Oh no! It seems to be working in general, but this is experimental so who knows. Folks can definitely let me know here if they trouble with the number, yeah.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:45 PM on December 30


#124: OW MY EYES
Cortex takes the time to try to describe in an audio format texted photos of MetaFilter members in which they are not LEGALLY nude, but are near enough that it causes conflict and pain during the recording session. [1h22m]
posted by hippybear at 12:46 PM on December 30 [10 favorites]


I don't really listen to the podcast (hearing issues, plus frequent disruptions), but I will ring in tonight after work. I will be fully clothed (okay, no shoes, but...), however.

leaves tab open as a reminder
posted by Samizdata at 12:52 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


what if someone who is definitely not me calls 100 times to whisper "butts"
posted by poffin boffin at 1:00 PM on December 30 [25 favorites]


Oh; I wasn't aware we had to state our attire during transmission. As it is evening here in England, I was wearing a monocle and a codpiece.
posted by Wordshore at 1:00 PM on December 30 [2 favorites]


Wordshore: "Oh; I wasn't aware we had to state our attire during transmission. As it is evening here in England, I was wearing a monocle and a codpiece."

You don't. I didn't want to scare Cortex off with the threat of Samizdickpix.
posted by Samizdata at 1:03 PM on December 30 [2 favorites]


poffin boffin, the main thing I wonder is what Google's auto-transcription would do with that
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:03 PM on December 30 [3 favorites]


Argh I started strong but that really went downhill. Anyway, done, and at least the sentiment I wanted to convey is there.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 1:09 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


Done. I was wearing a coy smile and the Eye of Agamotto.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:20 PM on December 30 [4 favorites]


I found several that ended in MEFI's digits, and I liked Los Alamos best as a fake podcast call center HQ.

not_on_display and I got better Google Voice numbers last year. I had one left over from when they were Grand Central and it was 802-BUB-HELL which was okay but tough to tell people over the phone. I got a nice new one with numbers all in a line (802) 234-8910 which is technically just one town over from me. He got 617-420-2ASS or something similar. It's a wonder we are still together.

Looking forward to hearing from people.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 1:22 PM on December 30 [2 favorites]


(hearing issues, plus frequent disruptions),

Just so you and everyone know, the podcasts get transcribed, usually pretty quickly after they get put up. So for all but the most recent one, you can read along by clicking on the transcript link on the podcast page.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 1:25 PM on December 30 [4 favorites]


jessamyn: "(hearing issues, plus frequent disruptions),

Just so you and everyone know, the podcasts get transcribed, usually pretty quickly after they get put up. So for all but the most recent one, you can read along by clicking on the transcript link on the podcast page.
"

Nice. I don't remember if that was there when last I looked ('S been a while. Ask Stavros about having to reset my MeFightClub password after 8 years).
posted by Samizdata at 1:27 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


Can I do my impression of cortex?

I want to hear someone do an impression of Cortex doing an impression of Christopher Walken.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:39 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


I want to hear someone doing an impression of Greg_Ace listening to someone do an impression of Cortex doing an impression of Christopher Walken.
posted by Samizdata at 1:43 PM on December 30 [2 favorites]




Done in one!
posted by jazon at 1:59 PM on December 30


I want to hear someone doing an impression of Greg_Ace listening to someone do an impression of Cortex doing an impression of Christopher Walken.

That would just be someone chuckling.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:08 PM on December 30


OH my! I left a message...that was hard for me, but I decided to jump in an do it before my anxiety caught up with my wish to participate. Come on in the wat...umm voicemail is fine!
posted by agatha_magatha at 2:43 PM on December 30 [4 favorites]


Just left my message. I called in from work, so hopefully the call quality was decent enough. I love that you guys are doing this. Cheers and huzzah for the new year!
posted by Fizz at 2:45 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


What if you're not legally nude in the jurisdiction you reside in but may be considered legally nude for the purposes of state or federal law in the United States, where the podcast is actually recorded? YANML. Asking for a Canadian friend.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 2:49 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


OMG a 505 area code that makes me so happy
posted by PMdixon at 2:51 PM on December 30 [3 favorites]


This should be required participation for everyone who has an ambiguously pronouncable username so we can know how to say it to ourselves in our head from now on.
posted by carsonb at 2:59 PM on December 30 [7 favorites]


The "It's Raining Florence Henderso" is silent.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:02 PM on December 30 [18 favorites]


I sometimes pronounce the underscore, depending on my mood.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:09 PM on December 30 [4 favorites]


anyone got any sprint or mci codez? thanks!
posted by not_on_display at 3:15 PM on December 30


Am I understanding correctly that it's not legal to describe griphus as nude? That must make for some interesting situations.
posted by ambrosen at 4:03 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


The preferred term for griphus is "butt-naked", please.
posted by gingerbeer at 4:20 PM on December 30


Mostly because griphus has his own version of Garry Shandling's black dot.
posted by hippybear at 4:39 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


Butt elephant.
posted by Melismata at 4:46 PM on December 30


> This should be required participation for everyone who has an ambiguously pronouncable username so we can know how to say it to ourselves in our head from now on.

But what if we like hearing Cortex and Jessamyn struggle with them?
posted by ardgedee at 4:50 PM on December 30 [4 favorites]


The preferred term for griphus is "butt-naked", please.

Though it's not strictly called-for unless he's actually wearing the assless chaps again.
posted by carsonb at 5:01 PM on December 30


I've been off almost this whole week (thank you other mods and jessamyn!) with family, so I got my little nephews to leave you a message inspired by their Chewbacca pjs.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 6:01 PM on December 30 [9 favorites]


I resisted the urge to simply sing Hotline Bling into the phone....
posted by vespabelle at 6:45 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


CALL BACK
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:08 PM on December 30 [5 favorites]


Was it?? To what?
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:54 PM on December 30


Who shot first?
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:58 PM on December 30


Just called in. Dressed. Fully. See what happens at podcast time.
posted by Samizdata at 8:18 PM on December 30


You have VM from a 630 day old.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:31 PM on December 30 [1 favorite]


Gloria: What do you make out of that recording?
Guy on Phone: I don't know, Gloria, I just don't--
Gloria: Some kind of singing. They sound like all kinds of people, right?
Guy on Phone: Yeah.
Gloria: And then it says, "Another child is born in India every time you call this number," right?
Guy on Phone: Yeah, right.
Gloria: Does that make any sense to you?
posted by mykescipark at 9:46 PM on December 30 [5 favorites]


OK, I texted the nude photo, though I still don't totally understand and it seems like a slightly inappropriate requirement. It's a super classy picture though and I'm glad I sprung for the professional boudoir photographer (though you'd think he could afford a nicer van for as much as he charges, there's not a lot of room in there). When do we know who won? This thread is confusing.
posted by bongo_x at 11:26 PM on December 30 [13 favorites]


eeeeeee I did it! For someone who hates talking on the phone, it's been a banner year with this and speaking to Alex on the Reply All call in show!
posted by ellieBOA at 2:01 AM on December 31 [2 favorites]


I called to help test it and left a message with an extremely stupid and relatively vulgar joke. Grandpa McGee keeps asking me to stop swearing on the internet and I'm like, dad-bro, do you even know how the internet works? (I stopped on Facebook though. I only swore ONE time about Trump which I feel is heroic restraint.)

If cortex is putting my joke on the air I need to re-call and tell it better tho.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 2:22 AM on December 31 [2 favorites]


(The strongest word I have ever heard Grandpa McGee use is "crud." Grandma McGee, however, dropped an f-bomb for the first time ever when I was on the phone with her the other day and after 38 years this was such a startling state of affairs I almost ran a red light. I literally pulled over to text/call all my siblings immediately.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 2:25 AM on December 31 [7 favorites]


I rang twice and sang once. I love making international calls!
posted by h00py at 2:56 AM on December 31


I made some strange sounds that I assure you carry benevolent meaning in a tiny part of the world.
posted by jouke at 6:08 AM on December 31 [2 favorites]


Grandma McGee, however, dropped an f-bomb for the first time ever

One of the better things about the (Bill) Clinton Era for me was hearing my remarkably straightlaced father say blowjob.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 6:47 AM on December 31 [5 favorites]


I had a neck dissection/resection two days ago and left a Percocet-loaded message where do I not only forget my user name but I also said I had thyroid surgery.

I didn't have thyroid surgery, I had lymph nodes in my neck removed.

But last night I thought I was the smartest person in the world when I thought, "Instead of getting a subscription meal planning service where I still have to cook which is the worst, wouldn't it be cool if I could just call someone, tell them what I want to eat, and then they could bring it to me and I wouldn't have to cook?"

I was glowing happily for hours until my son said, "You know that's a thing, right? You just invented food delivery."

I need to taper off the Percocet, I think.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 7:21 AM on December 31 [24 favorites]


I keep trying but it's just silence, is there supposed to be a message?

I'm sure this is unrelated to having dropped my phone in the toilet.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:28 AM on December 31 [1 favorite]


When I called there was a longish silence at the start before the message kicked in. Not sure if this is what's going on for folks but definitely wait a bit past the point where you start to think "wait a minute, did I call the right number?"
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 8:35 AM on December 31


Yeah, I'm getting the feeling there may be a bit of "you get what you pay for" in this context with the free Google Voice number. I wonder if having it going straight to vm also removes some buffer they'd normally have to queue pieces up over the course of some ringing.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:37 AM on December 31


I called just now and it worked fine, message came right on, beep was loud and clear.
posted by JanetLand at 8:45 AM on December 31


Also, y'all, the auto-transcription charmingly horrible. Like really bad. No surprise that it falls down on some usernames but it's basically all showing up as nonsense and madness. I think Jess and I will recite some of Google's pet robot's worse (better?) attempts during the show.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:06 AM on December 31 [9 favorites]


MetaFilter: all showing up as nonsense and madness.
posted by Wordshore at 9:23 AM on December 31 [3 favorites]


what if i just start rambling off all the usernames I know from memory and see how long that takes. I feel that is a really good way to make some users feel special for no reason and the others left out
posted by FirstMateKate at 9:34 AM on December 31 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: Google's pet robot
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:35 AM on December 31 [1 favorite]


It's probably gonna sound like I dropped the phone there. Which I kinda did. I could do it over, but I'll just let that stand as some kind of tribute to the phone-dropping kinda year it's been.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:03 AM on December 31


Kinda like a mic drop, but with a phone...
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:21 AM on December 31


Woohoo! My voice in the ether!

With all the other noise.
posted by key_of_z at 11:29 AM on December 31


Done! I finally got to give a shout out to whoever changed my life with a tip about chickpeas. I love you.
posted by _Mona_ at 11:30 AM on December 31 [1 favorite]


Done! (This is probably the only way I'll ever make the podcast)

((Now that I said that, there's a 95℅ chance that I will not, which is totally fine because it was sort of a lame message))
posted by Fig at 12:37 PM on December 31


I called in. Forgive my voice, bad sore throat.
posted by jonmc at 1:13 PM on December 31


Kinda like a mic drop, but with a phone...

Minus the "Oh shiiiiit that was smoooth..." of an actual mic drop, yeah.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 1:42 PM on December 31


Imagine if phone drops were a thing. "Let's meet at the bar at 8." *phone drop*
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:26 PM on December 31 [3 favorites]


Done! That was fun!
posted by kimberussell at 2:40 PM on December 31


I'll volunteer my garrulous garbled grouchiness for the shredded transcription reading. I'm really embarrassed that the message came out the way it did. D=
posted by carsonb at 2:51 PM on December 31


"OMG a 505 area code that makes me so happy"

Yeah! I had to say something about it at the end of my message because it also made me very happy. Call New Mexico for the MetaFilter New Year's Podcast! Neato!
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 3:51 PM on December 31


I don't know if it's TracFone that is blocking Google Voice from working, or what, but I have tried calling over a long time now and only get dead air.

Maybe I'll record a thing and email cortex a download link. I dunno.

*grumbles*
posted by hippybear at 4:07 PM on December 31


Emailing me an audio file is a-okay, yeah. Go for it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:32 PM on December 31


My dorky contribution is in.
posted by grumpybear69 at 5:34 PM on December 31


Done and I think I talked way too fast, but, the gist is: so very damn glad metafilter is here, in these uncertain times. Love y'all!
posted by mygothlaundry at 5:37 PM on December 31 [1 favorite]


Happy New Year, fuckers
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:42 PM on December 31 [7 favorites]


You too, you old git.
posted by carter at 7:06 PM on December 31 [2 favorites]


I can't possibly be the first person to have done what I did, but I bet I did it better than the rest of you (because I was careful to ENUNCIATE the correct pronunciations of MEE-fi and MEE-fight).
posted by yhbc at 7:20 PM on December 31 [2 favorites]


Semi-related: I have stumbled onto a cool gif for the mefi mods.
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:23 PM on December 31 [1 favorite]


I did it, too!! I tend to slur everything I say when I am excited so if the voicemail I left was largely unintelligible please blame Gilmore Girls because that's where I learned it from

Also Cortex you really do have a nice sounding voice. A+, 10/10 would listen again
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:44 PM on December 31


Ha, just did my usual panicky, rambly, forget-what-I-was-going-to-say-whenever-I-leave-a-voicemail deal, so yeah.
posted by chococat at 9:46 PM on December 31 [2 favorites]


I literally just tripped over my tongue on the second word I said and devolved into hysterical laughter. Cool. So cool. Off to try again.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 10:09 PM on December 31


And now you people will know how to pronounce my nick, even if >I< don't even do it consistently.
posted by Samizdata at 11:16 PM on December 31 [2 favorites]


Only just saw this - what's the timeframe? Is it too late?
posted by Mchelly at 4:45 AM on January 1


Should be fine Mchelly - says "before Monday" in the post.
posted by comealongpole at 5:23 AM on January 1


I hope mine was the first hungover voicemail of 2017
posted by Greg Nog at 5:55 AM on January 1 [2 favorites]


Yep, no problem with folks calling through the weekend.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:58 AM on January 1


Could anyone spare a quick thought? I'm all out.
posted by anotherpanacea at 7:29 AM on January 1


I got teary because I was alone in the huge cube farm at work on New Year's Eve because life is hard. Sorry.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 8:23 AM on January 1 [3 favorites]


I may have some slow ones.
posted by jonmc at 10:38 AM on January 1


That was...well, "success" is not the word I'm going to use here because we wanted the baby to giggle for everyone but obviously that didn't happen so she coughed a bit and made some weird noises and then I couldn't figure out how to erase and re-record (maybe it was obvious? I'm not sure) and I sort of panicked so that was longer and worse than intended. Apologies to whomever is editing these (Cortex and jessamyn?)!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 1:37 PM on January 1 [2 favorites]


For my part, I said little on our overly long message, but all of it was very dumb. Even when I said "Hello" I waved at the phone like a moron.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:47 PM on January 1 [9 favorites]


Yeah, babies have that effect on the parents. Good news, though: Baby-dumb ends when Toddler-thinking arrives.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:26 PM on January 1


I don't want to be included in the podcast but did express my appreciation for all things, and people, Metafilter. Keep on keeping on!
posted by SillyShepherd at 7:28 PM on January 1 [1 favorite]


Aaaand, I forgot to hang up so there's some dead air plus some breathing through the pain of a kidney stone for your added listening experience. Sheesh
posted by SillyShepherd at 7:32 PM on January 1 [2 favorites]


I just called and left a New Year's wish that was especially fitting for being from me.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:42 PM on January 1


I didn't want to ramble so I wrote mine down first and read it, so now I'm worried I sounded like a robot when everyone else got to be all heartfelt and drunk. Also I think I had reception issues. I hit the pound key but there was no listen and do-over option. So: Happy 2017 from a robotic staticky person with a long beep at the end.
posted by Mchelly at 4:48 AM on January 2 [3 favorites]


Turns out my provider hadn't hooked me up for international calls and when I called support they said they would but it's been taking hours to kick in. So I made a soundfile instead and sent it to cortex.

By the 362nd take I think I hit just the right note of spontaneity and sincerity.
posted by valetta at 5:22 AM on January 2 [3 favorites]


I'm home now and realize that my message was just little boys shouting, and no actual Happy-New-Year-Metafilter content. So Happy New Year, Metafilter!
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 12:48 PM on January 2 [3 favorites]


Thanks for putting this together, cortex! I know you've mentioned wanting to do a call-in segment for a while.

Didn't want to miss this opportunity to say hi over voice, so I left a thank you message for you both (a direct message, not for the podcast) and I hope it wasn't too rambly anyway.

Happy new year, MeFi. I look forward to hearing the for-podcast messages, rambly or not rambly!
posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 1:15 PM on January 2


I had such a good time listening to all of these. Thanks to everyone who took the time to call in.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:36 AM on January 3 [2 favorites]


I also just realized that the (505) 663-XXXX exchange isn't just New Mexico, it's Los Alamos. So now we know that "cortex" is really an AI running on a supercomputer at Los Alamos National laboratory who is slowly refining his cognitive and social capabilities via the extraordinary challenge of moderating and running MetaFilter.

This makes so much sense.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:02 PM on January 3 [6 favorites]


LobsterMitten: I'm home now and realize that my message was just little boys shouting, and no actual Happy-New-Year-Metafilter content.

For a few months, our answering machine message was our not-yet two-year-old talking, as much as he ever really talked at that time, which wasn't actually that much. Except he recorded it without us realizing he had done so. So it went on for a really long time.

A really, really long time.

Around 20 minutes.

I didn't replace it because I wanted to record it, but after I got a message about an interview (wherein the person who called actually stayed on the line, waiting, for 20 minutes, before leaving the message), my wife decided that enough was enough and gave us a proper answering machine message.

(Also, thanks for the Los Alamos number - I did a double-take at the area code, and I wondered when any of the mods had moved to New Mexico.)
posted by filthy light thief at 2:21 PM on January 3 [3 favorites]


Alright, the messages have been downloaded and sorted and compiled and minimally edited and the episode is out!

Thanks again everyone who called in; anyone who missed out, we'll do another in the not too distant future, I think. And for what it's worth, the voicemail box will stay open in the interim, so if you feel like calling in for the hell of it you're welcome to do so.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:52 PM on January 3 [4 favorites]


Is the next one for the end of the month or the end of the world? I'd like to plan accordingly.
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:16 AM on January 4


What I want to know is can I start smoking again?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:57 AM on January 4


For a few months, our answering machine message was our not-yet two-year-old talking, as much as he ever really talked at that time, which wasn't actually that much. Except he recorded it without us realizing he had done so. So it went on for a really long time. A really, really long time. Around 20 minutes.

Continuing the tangent:

A college friend once had a bog-standard outgoing message. But somehow, one day, a message I was leaving for him got tacked on to the end of his outgoing message. So after that, his outgoing message was thus:

(his voice) "Hi, this is Jake, I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message."
(about 3 seconds of silence)
(my voice) "Jake, you butt, you're never home!"
*BEEP*
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:35 AM on January 5 [2 favorites]


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