Call in show: tell us a joke! March 14, 2018 12:01 PM Subscribe
As suggested recently in another post: we're doing an community-participation call-in show for the April podcast, and we want to hear your favorite jokes! Call our voicemail box at (505) 663-6334 and rattle something off for us, and I'll edit it all together. (Or you can email me an audio recording! Or you can send us the text of a joke you like if you'd rather a moderator record it!) I'd like to get this edited before the 1st, so calling/writing/sending sooner is better than later.
Not much else to it, just keep in mind the basics:
- Speak up, speak clearly!
- Tell us who you are, if you're okay with that.
- Keep it reasonably short, or risk me leaving your shaggy dog joke on the cutting room floor.
- These don't have to be kid friendly or anything, but skip anything gross so I don't have to skip it for you.
- If you super biff it, you can always call back and try again.
Not much else to it, just keep in mind the basics:
- Speak up, speak clearly!
- Tell us who you are, if you're okay with that.
- Keep it reasonably short, or risk me leaving your shaggy dog joke on the cutting room floor.
- These don't have to be kid friendly or anything, but skip anything gross so I don't have to skip it for you.
- If you super biff it, you can always call back and try again.
Huzzah! Let the great dad jokes hunt begin!! :D
posted by Fizz at 1:33 PM on March 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Fizz at 1:33 PM on March 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Are we allowed to disguise our voice and/or pretend we are someone else (an example)?
posted by Wordshore at 2:57 PM on March 14, 2018
posted by Wordshore at 2:57 PM on March 14, 2018
Well, now we're just gonna assume it's you anyway.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:27 PM on March 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:27 PM on March 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Submitted mine (undisguised). Hopefully it's short enough.
posted by Wordshore at 4:00 PM on March 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Wordshore at 4:00 PM on March 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
We should all have an I Am Wordshore moment.
posted by mochapickle at 4:16 PM on March 14, 2018
posted by mochapickle at 4:16 PM on March 14, 2018
Now I’m definitely telling a cricket joke.
posted by Barack Spinoza at 4:19 PM on March 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by Barack Spinoza at 4:19 PM on March 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Aw man, my only good jokes are shaggy dog jokes. Ah well, they're mostly Buddy Hackett jokes anyway.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 4:46 PM on March 14, 2018
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 4:46 PM on March 14, 2018
Now I’m definitely telling a cricket joke.
I considered doing that, but "Australia." would have made for too short a message.
posted by Wordshore at 5:45 PM on March 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I considered doing that, but "Australia." would have made for too short a message.
posted by Wordshore at 5:45 PM on March 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
Are we allowed to disguise our voice
Oh curse you for introducing me to the cortex impersonation machine. Now I will never get any work done because composing absurdist sonnets in his voice.
posted by not_on_display at 7:03 PM on March 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Oh curse you for introducing me to the cortex impersonation machine. Now I will never get any work done because composing absurdist sonnets in his voice.
posted by not_on_display at 7:03 PM on March 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
I missed calling in last time so I got my mp3 in right away today. Yey!
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 1:04 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 1:04 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Aw man, my only good jokes are shaggy dog jokes.
I'd be totally down to hear a couple of shaved dog jokes. Just setup and punchline, delivered as if it's a workable joke without all the fundamentally important filler.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:50 AM on March 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'd be totally down to hear a couple of shaved dog jokes. Just setup and punchline, delivered as if it's a workable joke without all the fundamentally important filler.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:50 AM on March 15, 2018 [3 favorites]
shaved dog jokes
Metafilter: delivering the tl;dr for every shaggy dog story.
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 8:21 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: delivering the tl;dr for every shaggy dog story.
posted by Juso No Thankyou at 8:21 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
This will be the longest podcast.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:46 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Going To Maine at 8:46 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
This will be the longest podcast.
This is not a complaint.
posted by Fizz at 8:59 AM on March 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
This is not a complaint.
posted by Fizz at 8:59 AM on March 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Ok, you now have, preserved for posterity, the sound of me choking as a bug flies into my mouth while talking on the phone. Use it wisely and treasure it well. It is a rare, private, comedy moment, much like seeing someone who is out for a jog run face first into a spider web.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:11 AM on March 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:11 AM on March 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
So 1f2frfbf is the first "music/SFX break," then?
posted by wenestvedt at 9:34 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by wenestvedt at 9:34 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Only if you can auto-tune my hacking into something like a blast beat and layer my scratchy baritone over it. I've been purifying silver all morning and the acid fumes don't do my 78rpm quality voice any favors.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:43 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:43 AM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
So I recorded a couple last night on GarageBand and saved it as an mp3 to mail to Cortex, but I forgot that GarageBand saves a copy to the cloud, and because of that, it would show up on my fourteen-year-old son's phone. Sure enough, as I'm driving him to school this morning, he's sitting next to me in the car with his headphones in and he starts laughing.
"Is this you? Who's Stanczyk? Why did you put this file on my phone titled "Jokes"?"
I look over at his phone.
I didn't. I guess Apple Music did. Were they good jokes?
"I wouldn't call them good jokes but they weren't horrible. They weren't Dad jokes. Well, maybe that first one was. I liked that last one."
Of course you did. It had the words ass and shit in it.
"Why would you do this?"
It's for a website thing. They might be on a podcast.
"How sad."
Indeed.
posted by Stanczyk at 11:08 AM on March 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
"Is this you? Who's Stanczyk? Why did you put this file on my phone titled "Jokes"?"
I look over at his phone.
I didn't. I guess Apple Music did. Were they good jokes?
"I wouldn't call them good jokes but they weren't horrible. They weren't Dad jokes. Well, maybe that first one was. I liked that last one."
Of course you did. It had the words ass and shit in it.
"Why would you do this?"
It's for a website thing. They might be on a podcast.
"How sad."
Indeed.
posted by Stanczyk at 11:08 AM on March 15, 2018 [16 favorites]
1f2frfbf is an alchemist?! Cortex, I think this calls for a user interview segment!
posted by wenestvedt at 12:03 PM on March 15, 2018
posted by wenestvedt at 12:03 PM on March 15, 2018
- Keep it reasonably short, or risk me leaving your shaggy dog joke on the cutting room floor.
So, that's a no to the long version of the Green Horse Joke? What if I promise to keep it at 30 minutes, max?
posted by signal at 12:23 PM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
So, that's a no to the long version of the Green Horse Joke? What if I promise to keep it at 30 minutes, max?
posted by signal at 12:23 PM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Hardly. I only know as much chemistry as was taught in my art classes.
Which, admittedly was a fair amount, all of it with real-world applications... so back off the liberal arts, STEM folks, I'll represent! Studio lyfe, y'all!
*tries to make gang sign in PVC gloves, fails, slumps, goes back to studio*
posted by 1f2frfbf at 1:48 PM on March 15, 2018
Which, admittedly was a fair amount, all of it with real-world applications... so back off the liberal arts, STEM folks, I'll represent! Studio lyfe, y'all!
*tries to make gang sign in PVC gloves, fails, slumps, goes back to studio*
posted by 1f2frfbf at 1:48 PM on March 15, 2018
So, "Why did the moth visit the podiatrist?" can be boiled down to a five-word punchline.
posted by not_on_display at 10:02 PM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by not_on_display at 10:02 PM on March 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Yeah, but it only works with the proper five-minute buildup.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:24 PM on March 15, 2018
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:24 PM on March 15, 2018
People should really keep sending in jokes, because if I end up short on material that's what I'm gonna fill time with.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:45 AM on March 16, 2018
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:45 AM on March 16, 2018
Just sent one in, omg y'all I do a really bad fake laugh
posted by mostly vowels at 11:27 AM on March 17, 2018
posted by mostly vowels at 11:27 AM on March 17, 2018
Man goes into the doctor's office,
"Doctor, doctor, I feel like I'm a pair of curtains."
Doctor responds,
"That sounds like a problem for a psychologist, I'm running a general practice here and deal mainly with physical ailments."
credit :Armando Ianucci
posted by Meatbomb at 2:36 AM on March 19, 2018
"Doctor, doctor, I feel like I'm a pair of curtains."
Doctor responds,
"That sounds like a problem for a psychologist, I'm running a general practice here and deal mainly with physical ailments."
credit :Armando Ianucci
posted by Meatbomb at 2:36 AM on March 19, 2018
German jokes are always good!
Man's friend comes up to him,
"Hey, yesterday I saw a strange man coming out of your house while you were at work!"
Man responds,
"My wife has become a heavy drug user, and has turned to prostitution to fund her addiction."
posted by Meatbomb at 2:39 AM on March 19, 2018
Man's friend comes up to him,
"Hey, yesterday I saw a strange man coming out of your house while you were at work!"
Man responds,
"My wife has become a heavy drug user, and has turned to prostitution to fund her addiction."
posted by Meatbomb at 2:39 AM on March 19, 2018
Do they have to be in English? I know a really good one in Spanish where the punchline hinges on the difference between tu and usted.
posted by signal at 6:04 AM on March 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by signal at 6:04 AM on March 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
I have no problem with a polylingual joke selection! Fire away.
I will make the boring adult reminder though that if someone uses "cortex probably doesn't speak this language" to sneak in something shitty they will be banned and then some.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:26 AM on March 19, 2018
I will make the boring adult reminder though that if someone uses "cortex probably doesn't speak this language" to sneak in something shitty they will be banned and then some.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:26 AM on March 19, 2018
OK, if I have the time I'll see if I can call in with a shaved dog version of my favorite joke. I'll see if it's still funny without the filler.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 3:58 PM on March 19, 2018
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 3:58 PM on March 19, 2018
I am also happy to tell bad Borscht Belt jokes, although they probably don't work if you don't sound like Lou Jacobi.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 4:03 PM on March 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 4:03 PM on March 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
how bout 'cool hand luke' liners in a wm. s. burroughs mortris voce.
posted by clavdivs at 7:19 PM on March 19, 2018
posted by clavdivs at 7:19 PM on March 19, 2018
My joke is gonna be epic
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 8:15 PM on March 19, 2018
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 8:15 PM on March 19, 2018
Best German joke of all time:
Q: How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, because they are very efficient but not very funny.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 7:29 AM on March 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
Q: How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, because they are very efficient but not very funny.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 7:29 AM on March 20, 2018 [2 favorites]
sadly the cortex widget is missing a crucial piece of connective tissue.
posted by mwhybark at 11:14 PM on March 28, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by mwhybark at 11:14 PM on March 28, 2018 [1 favorite]
I have no problem with a polylingual joke selection! Fire away.
Que hace el pez? Nada.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:35 AM on March 29, 2018
Que hace el pez? Nada.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:35 AM on March 29, 2018
¿Qué dijo el océano Atlántico al océano mediterráneo?
¡Ola!
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:59 PM on March 29, 2018
¡Ola!
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:59 PM on March 29, 2018
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posted by jessamyn (retired) at 12:53 PM on March 14, 2018 [2 favorites]