Thanks to those who helped me prep for Jeopardy!

September 10, 2003 2:11 PM

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank those MeTa-folks who helped me out with advice on preparing for Jeopardy.

No, I didn't win, but I achieved my personal goal of not spazzing out in front of the cameras and also managed to chit-chat with Alex, answered a few tough questions, and even got a (intentional) laugh out of the audience.

You can watch me on September 15th (check your local listings for times).
posted by jpburns to MetaFilter Gatherings at 2:11 PM (34 comments total)

how cool! sounds like it was fun! congrats anyway!
posted by quonsar at 3:14 PM on September 10, 2003

I'm sorry you didn't win. It's a tough show from what I've heard.
posted by jonson at 3:21 PM on September 10, 2003

But did you receive "lovely parting gifts"? Gonna have a "Rice-a-Roni" party at your place? (that really dates me; apparently Hot Pockets are the new Rice-a-Roni... which is why I'm more likely to try out for this quiz show.)
posted by wendell at 3:24 PM on September 10, 2003

MiguelFilter

I kid because I love.
posted by i_cola at 3:41 PM on September 10, 2003

At last we know what quonsar defines as cool.
posted by scarabic at 3:42 PM on September 10, 2003

kickass! did you get to put your username on the little blue (mefi blue!) monitor?
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:01 PM on September 10, 2003

What happened to the real Quonsar?

Oh, and how did you resist the urge to call him a Canadian ponce and make fun of his (now former) dago mustache?
posted by The God Complex at 4:32 PM on September 10, 2003

This guy can kick Trebek's ass any day.
posted by PrinceValium at 4:43 PM on September 10, 2003

The cool things:

1/ Watching the show being put together. They're really good at what they do.
2/ Yes, scribbling my name in the monitor.
3/ I got to relate a strange story involving my mom's ashes (I can't believe they chose that story...).

The not cool things:

1/ Being nervous as hell.
2/ The button. I damn thee!
3/ Not winning.

Other than that, it was a big blur...
posted by jpburns at 5:08 PM on September 10, 2003

You didn't mention pancakes, ponies, or vibrating overlords, did you? Not even in passing?

Oh well. Maybe next time. Congrats on what was surely a great experience anyway!
posted by yhbc at 7:29 PM on September 10, 2003

..."and the last category is Famous Portugese Authors. James, your pick."
posted by Stan Chin at 9:12 PM on September 10, 2003

"I'll take 'Penis Mightier', Trebek!"
posted by ColdChef at 9:26 PM on September 10, 2003

"NO WHAMMIES!!!"
"Is that your FINAL answer?"
posted by Hildago at 10:16 PM on September 10, 2003

"Come on down!!"
"The survey says..."
"Will the real mathowie please stand up!"
"I'll take Paul Lynde to block even though he's dead..."
"You have an even worse excuse for facial hair than I do, so... You are the Weakest Link, goodbye."
for those of you playing along at home, that's a reference to the host of the US half-hour Link, George Gray, NOT Ms. Robinson.
posted by wendell at 12:03 AM on September 11, 2003

'I'll have a P please, Bob.'
posted by i_cola at 12:22 AM on September 11, 2003

"Orgasm. I mean, Organism!"
posted by twine42 at 12:42 AM on September 11, 2003

"You have an even worse excuse for facial hair than I do, so... You are the Weakest Link, goodbye."
for those of you playing along at home, that's a reference to the host of the US half-hour Link, George Gray, NOT Ms. Robinson.

From what friends of mine who've been on the UK Weakest Link say, it applies fairly well to Ms. Robinson.
posted by biffa at 3:46 AM on September 11, 2003

"I'll take girls in tubs for $500"
posted by angry modem at 6:01 AM on September 11, 2003

I Lost On Jeopardy
------------------
by "Weird Al" Yankovic
parody of "Jeopardy" by the Greg Kihn band

Ohhhhhh...
I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV
Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D.
I was tense, I was nervous
I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right
I, I...

I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...

Well I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
'Cause I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up. Don Pardo,
Just tell me now what I didn't win
Yeah, yeah

I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby, oooh...

(Don Pardo's voice)
That's right Al--you lost! And let me tell what you didn't win:
a twenty-volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of
Turtle Wax, and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco
treat. But that's not all! You also made yourself look like a jerk
in front of millions of people! And you brought shame and disgrace
on your family name for generations to come! You don't get to come
back tomorrow! You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game!
You're a complete loser!!

Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on the Price Is Right
I, I...
posted by Space Coyote at 6:10 AM on September 11, 2003

That's really cool that you actually got on the show, jp. I took the test a few months ago and bombed. It was tough! I'm going to keep trying, though - I would love to get up there and compete.
posted by starvingartist at 7:10 AM on September 11, 2003

2/ The button. I damn thee!

What did I tell you! What did I tell you!

kudos on even making it to the show, jpburns!
posted by filmgoerjuan at 9:02 AM on September 11, 2003

Congrats, jpburns!

I was on the show in 1997 (one day; second place; trip to Anguilla). Getting your own laugh out of the audience without incurring the wrath of Alex is an impressive achievement in itself.

I'll definitely be watching this Monday night! Let me know if you want to trade stories.
posted by initapplette at 11:00 AM on September 11, 2003

"That'd be up the butt, Bob."
posted by turaho at 11:02 AM on September 11, 2003

So, I have not seen anyone else have the low class to ask. . . did you come away with any money?

I don't watch it that much. . .it seems like it's such a profitable show, that the losers should be able to keep the cash that they make, even if someone made more. . .
posted by Danf at 3:04 PM on September 11, 2003

i've been waiting for that too, danf...but i guess we'll see on monday..it sounds like it was fun tho...i'm jealous.

(that horrible greg kihn? kuhn? song (weird al made a parody of it about the show) is stuck in my head bec. of this thread...)
posted by amberglow at 3:21 PM on September 11, 2003

jpburns: "No whammies, no whammies..."

trebek: "Mr. Burns, we don't have whammies on Jeopardy, that's actually an entirely different--"

jpburns: "I'm dead serious, I don't want to see a whammy..."

trebek: "But sir, we--"

jpburns: "I SAID no fucking whammies, you bastard! Now I want you to have your lackeys gather up every goddamned whammy from the room, toss them out of here, and have this place professionally whammy-proofed, STAT, you got that?"

trebek: "You want me to hold this question?"

jpburns (Nicholsonian): "I want you to hold it between your knees."
posted by dhoyt at 6:21 PM on September 11, 2003

(Sorry, the Five Easy Pieces DVD is on right now, and, well, the joke took a left turn somewhere...)
posted by dhoyt at 6:39 PM on September 11, 2003

More answers:

$2K for second place, $1K for third. That's it. You pay your own expenses, including flight. So it was a wash financially, but a great experience, nonetheless.

Alex is much weirder in person than he appears on tv, but nicer than I expected.

Look here next week to see my embarrassing "Hometown Howdy" which I thought was just for promotion on my local station (and wouldn't be used in a major market like Atlanta, anyway...).

I was nervous as a cat...
posted by jpburns at 7:04 PM on September 11, 2003

wow - this is fun! thanks for sharing the experience with us jpburns. I think you did fabulously just to get on. My problem is I know lots of stuff, I can just never remember any of it.
posted by madamjujujive at 10:15 PM on September 11, 2003

"I'll take "titties" for $500, Alex!"
posted by Melinika at 2:56 AM on September 12, 2003

Hats off to you, jpburns. I took the test a few years back at a DC area contestant search and was one of 11 who passed out of a field of 250, but never got the call up to the show itself. I've got TiVo set to capture your appearance, I look forward to seething with jealousy and laughing at your intentional funny. Good times.
posted by Dreama at 8:22 AM on September 15, 2003

good job!!! i bet it's really scary.

and i didn't like that blond woman at all...lynne was good-got lucky breaks tho

do you have to give them a cute story beforehand?
(he didn't like being interrupted i saw)

how fun tho! chicken eatsa : >
posted by amberglow at 4:26 PM on September 15, 2003

The worst part? They edited out my laugh.

My story had to do with my Mom's wishes to spread her ashes in Pére LaChaise cemetery in Paris, because she wanted me to sprinkle them amongst the great thinkers buried there (...like Bizet, Proust, Balzac, Oscar Wilde, Chopin, even Jim Morrison!).

Alex said something like, "What did you do with all of the ashes, I mean, there's a lot of them..." and I said, "Well, there are a lot of famous dead people there." That got a laugh.

They cut that...
posted by jpburns at 6:12 PM on September 15, 2003

ahhh : >

very cool experience...i was on the list for 21, but they cancelled it too soon.

I thought they were reaching with the blond's story, and lynne's, but yours was most interesting.
posted by amberglow at 6:40 PM on September 15, 2003