Matt Keep Out Part 2

December 3, 2003 8:55 AM

MATT IS NOT ALLOWED TO VIEW THIS THREAD TILL AFTER CHRISTMAS: Posted by Hackworth; Part 2. (Fighting the dreaded Falling Off The Page Syndrome.)
posted by MiguelCardoso to MetaFilter-related at 8:55 AM (76 comments total)

Oh for god's sake...if people want to contribute, they can easily bookmark the old thread and follow it, much like the cult threads of yore. Continuing old discussions through new threads is just ridiculous.
posted by BlueTrain at 9:01 AM on December 3, 2003

Especially when there's an off-MeFi forum set up for this discussion.
posted by y6y6y6 at 9:04 AM on December 3, 2003

In case you hadn't noticed, FluTrain, it isn't it a discussion - it's a whip-round for a Christmas present for Matt. Prat.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:05 AM on December 3, 2003

Do I hear a "Bah Humbug?"
posted by scarabic at 9:05 AM on December 3, 2003

A THREE HOUR FOON.
posted by quonsar at 9:05 AM on December 3, 2003

I'm guessing there aren't a whole lot of people who read MetaTalk and would be interested in contributing that haven't already. But hey, maybe someone could post to the Blue and get some of those other people interested?

(I've always wondered what percentage of MeFites read MetaTalk. Methinks it's a minority.)
posted by me3dia at 9:16 AM on December 3, 2003

I'm sure the rest of us are thinking, "Holy shit he got a thousand dollar camera and mostly everything on his wishlist! What else does he need? I barely spent $20 on my wife's present."
posted by Stan Chin at 9:42 AM on December 3, 2003

I've always wondered what percentage of MeFites read MetaTalk. Methinks it's a minority.

I'd guess around 20% of members and 5% of non-member MeFi readers (who must surely outnumber members by a wide margin). [Margin of error +/- 75%.]
posted by rushmc at 9:52 AM on December 3, 2003

So I opened this thread because there was only a couple comments, and I'm going to delete it soon (I haven't read the other thread, though I can guess what is going on).

I kinda agree with what Stan said above. Seriously, I got what I really wanted and I'm extremely lucky but I feel kinda bad about getting anything more. I love you all and appreciate the gesture, but I'm kind of uncomfortable getting thousands of dollars worth of presents.

Can't you guys knit me a nice scarf or something instead?
posted by mathowie at 9:56 AM on December 3, 2003

But..you posted a new post so it wouldn't fall off...and that made it fall off...I'm so confused.
posted by Orange Goblin at 9:56 AM on December 3, 2003

But... I don't know how to knit!
posted by languagehat at 10:01 AM on December 3, 2003

anastasia tries to imagine one scarf knit by all of Metafilter ... its many colors. It zigs. It zags. It argues with itself...

Matt, is there a charity you would like us to make a donation to in your name?
posted by anastasiav at 10:01 AM on December 3, 2003

its many colors

Blueish and puke green-yellow? Maybe a dark grey too? How many others are there?

I don't know about a charity, but that's a good idea. Of course, if I were someone giving money for a gift and it went to some cows in Ireland or seeing-eye dogs in Iowa, I'd be all "but I want to see Matt enjoying my money, not some starving blind kid somewhere." Ok, maybe not, but sometimes charity feels so pointless since the problems are so immense (they could use millions of dollars) and 20 or 200 or 2000 dollars seems like it won't do a heck of a lot (but I continue to give EFF those sorts of donations).
posted by mathowie at 10:12 AM on December 3, 2003

"I'm kind of uncomfortable getting thousands of dollars worth of presents."

Please find the strength to accept this troublesome payback for your hard work and patience over the last several years. Suck it up big guy. The gift giving ordeal will soon be over.
posted by y6y6y6 at 10:14 AM on December 3, 2003

I know it's lame for me to complain about being in this position, but I just wanted to mention that I do feel conflicted, though I appreciate it all.
posted by mathowie at 10:21 AM on December 3, 2003

Eh, since we're being honest about our internal conflicts, I'd like to apologize to Miguel for being rude. I've been sick for the past couple of days and I feel rather useless, sitting in my apartment with no outside interaction, and I've become a little grouchy.
posted by BlueTrain at 10:33 AM on December 3, 2003

Is EGGnog it? I mean, are there other kinds of nogs available or are we stuck with the egg?
posted by Witty at 10:47 AM on December 3, 2003

Spoke too fast... duh.
posted by Witty at 10:49 AM on December 3, 2003

Pear nog, orange nog, peach and orange nog, golden apricot nog, more orange nog, coffee nog, and last but not least, soy nog.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2003

I rarely echo y6y6y6, but in this case, I'll chime in on the "suck it up, big guy" part. Have a few cocktails and get over the conflict. Sometimes inconsiderate assholes insist on doing something nice for you, even when it's obviously unnecessary.

Oh, and don't mention scarves in jest. I knit, and I know where you live.
posted by clever sheep at 10:56 AM on December 3, 2003

seeing-eye dogs in Iowa

I can have it arranged, big boy. <3
posted by angry modem at 11:13 AM on December 3, 2003

Ok, fine, I'll take a Mini Cooper S in british racing green, with the big sunroof, and black accents. Also, be sure to get me the sport package with the 17" wheels, I want the thing to really zing.
posted by mathowie at 11:28 AM on December 3, 2003

What a diva.
posted by Stan Chin at 11:35 AM on December 3, 2003

but sometimes charity feels so pointless since the problems are so immense (they could use millions of dollars) and 20 or 200 or 2000 dollars seems like it won't do a heck of a lot

A good way to avert that problem is local charities. For example, I do some volunteer work with a local animal shelter that had a program where they would take dogs staying in the shelter to the local Juvenile Detention Center and lead some of the boys in training them. At the end of two weeks, they'd have a dog show. It was a very successful and mutually beneficial program. However, it's funding was cut in the recent round of government pull-backs. They're relying solely on donations to do it now, and they're having a hard time funding it.

Just an example of how even $20 or $200 can really make a difference.
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:39 AM on December 3, 2003

"Ok, fine, I'll take a Mini Cooper S in british racing green"

You aren't even suppose to be reading this. Now stop shaking the packages and go back to coding the new user app.

(and a car was seriously concidered and rejected - we have other plans - so no Mini under the tree this year)
posted by y6y6y6 at 11:52 AM on December 3, 2003

I don't know where he lives, Clever Sheep, but I also knit. I'm just wondering if he'd like his scarf in MeFi colours or MeTa colours, and if he's allergic to real wool.

I suspect there aren't a lot of knitters in these parts, but if we had 5 or 6 of them, we could probably handle the blocks for a nice community blanket.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:00 PM on December 3, 2003

What y6 said! I ♥ y6. Mathowie, go away, you aren't supposed to peek. Oh, but since you are here, what a great idea! I'd like a MiniCooper too, only in blue, silver & black.
posted by Lynsey at 12:03 PM on December 3, 2003

Ok, one last of my diva comments and I'll leave: I love alpaca when it comes to knitted things.
posted by mathowie at 12:03 PM on December 3, 2003

You may have a bigger prob in deleting this, matt. The other thread is still live, which will inevitably carry comments from folk who saw but didnt click on this link, and wanna know how come you're so above receiving gifts...blahblahblah.

Never mind, just another small indignity. I wish!
posted by dash_slot- at 12:18 PM on December 3, 2003

I love you all


*begins crying uncontrollably*
posted by matteo at 12:21 PM on December 3, 2003

I'm still confused (probably due to sloppy reading), did MeFi have anything to do with the camera purchase? I couldn't quite figure out the timing in the other thread. It seemed like the amount collected wouldn't have even come close to being enough and what to buy had not even been decided. Enlighten me.
posted by anathema at 12:39 PM on December 3, 2003

Nah, first the thread was started by Hackworth, pointing at the Amazon wish-list, then while we debated what to do to get matt the chosen gift - a fuck-off-state-of-the-art digital camera - some other anonymous coward (poss. a MeFite, as the pointer was from here and the timing seems close) bought & shipped it to him.

We're still collecting for a lens (right?)
posted by dash_slot- at 12:43 PM on December 3, 2003

I knit. I can even knit squares.
Good lord, why am I admitting this?

*looks over, sees left over blue wool and ponders*
posted by Salmonberry at 12:46 PM on December 3, 2003

That's what I figured, but I didn't see it articulated.
posted by anathema at 1:07 PM on December 3, 2003

One goatse quilt, coming up.
posted by homunculus at 2:21 PM on December 3, 2003

well i love you too shnuffles.............
*begins knitting in a manly way*
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:21 PM on December 3, 2003

*registers knittingismanly.com*
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:24 PM on December 3, 2003

I knit...and I only know how to do scarves. Well...better said, I know how to start a scarf...I've no idea how to stop...I'm sure there's a way, or it wouldn't just be me in this puddle of unraveled wool....
posted by dejah420 at 3:02 PM on December 3, 2003

Why not help endow the MeFi scholarship?
posted by PrinceValium at 3:02 PM on December 3, 2003

Ok, fine, I'll take a Mini Cooper S
Only if it is a real Cooper S, not some modern clone of every other car on the road today, cynically (and successfully) using a historic name and vague styling similarities to suck people into believing that they are buying a sports car. Otherwise, no dice.
posted by dg at 3:23 PM on December 3, 2003

Lens: I thought we were clubbing together to get a contract out on Santa Claus. God-dag-nam-it.
posted by seanyboy at 3:24 PM on December 3, 2003

mefi knitters unite!

jacquilynne, salmonberry, sgt., and dejah420: whatcha think--one ball of alpaca yarn apiece, any shade of blue or gray of your choice, knitted to an agreed/predetermined row width in whatever pattern that comes to you? I'd be happy to not only contribute a link, but gather in the other links and do the joining & finishing.

could be a mighty mad, Dr. Who-ish result!
posted by clever sheep at 3:58 PM on December 3, 2003

Eh, since we're being honest about our internal conflicts, I'd like to apologize to Miguel for being rude. I've been sick for the past couple of days and I feel rather useless, sitting in my apartment with no outside interaction, and I've become a little grouchy.

I'm sorry I was rude too. There's something about either one of us that brings out the worst in everybody, ourselves included. Get well soon, BlueTrain. But no knitted scarves for you, not this year. You'll be lucky if you get a second-hand velveteen muff. ;)

I like the way Matt says he'd feel bad if we spent thousands of dollars, nicely opening the way for the merely thousand dollar gift we're aiming for!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 3:59 PM on December 3, 2003

PrinceValium said: Why not help endow the MeFi scholarship?

I think that's a kickass idea. Matt said here that he'd like to continue to do it in the future.

Or, you know, barring that, get him a Mini Cooper S.
posted by contessa at 4:01 PM on December 3, 2003

I think it should be an ongoing donation thing, and we should send the money to myself so I can live that life of leisure I never wanted to work for (which makes me a grand candidate for said life of leisure).

If not, I'd like all of you to take to your graves with you the death of that precious dream. May your deaths be painful and drawn-out.
posted by The God Complex at 4:07 PM on December 3, 2003

Here you go, TGC:


posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:30 PM on December 3, 2003

May your deaths be painful and drawn-out
Life is like that, why not death as well?


Some gift ideas here.
posted by dg at 4:32 PM on December 3, 2003

Excellent form, my dear Miguel! Once we've suitably set up my life of leisure (surely everyone will follow your noble lead), I'll make sure to set you up with a lifetime supply of the finest Scotch money can buy.

Speaking of which, the money for Matt could also be spent on a prohibitively expensive* bottle of wine that he'd forever be afraid of "wasting on the wrong occasion."

*intentional, lame play on words!
posted by The God Complex at 4:39 PM on December 3, 2003

chinese wallet
posted by clavdivs at 4:50 PM on December 3, 2003

how about a couple of hundred of these? maybe with the metafilter logo printed on them? : >

(or you could do for me what you don't wanna do for TGC)
posted by amberglow at 5:23 PM on December 3, 2003

Ha ha! Here are four presents Matt would be sure to appreciate:

1) A convenient tailgate grill;

2) A patriotic flagpole;

3) A craftily disguised safe;

4) A charming lighted gingerbread house.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 5:46 PM on December 3, 2003

I think we need to get him a fruitcake.
posted by dazed_one at 5:48 PM on December 3, 2003

I think we need to get him a fruitcake.
I think he has more than enough of those already.

(amberglow, there are so many things that I don't want to do for TGC that you need to narrow the field down a tad)
posted by dg at 6:24 PM on December 3, 2003

You'll be lucky if you get a second-hand velveteen muff.

Hey now! This isn't that kind of site!
posted by rushmc at 6:28 PM on December 3, 2003

*Ahem*

(I'm just sayin')
posted by ColdChef at 6:34 PM on December 3, 2003

you were right, coldchef, but there's a greedy little kid inside of matt (and all of us) who wants real presents. ; >
posted by amberglow at 6:39 PM on December 3, 2003

I guess you're right. Okay.
posted by ColdChef at 7:18 PM on December 3, 2003

dg, thanks for that link. Did you see its ramifications for 3-D porn? It's going to be like a whole new world out there. Um, for some people.
posted by onlyconnect at 7:18 PM on December 3, 2003

(amberglow, there are so many things that I don't want to do for TGC that you need to narrow the field down a tad)

My inner baby jesus is wailing.

*Ahem*

(I'm just sayin')

ColdChef: I never knew you were so... warm and caring. I pictured you as a cold and calculating gnome!
posted by The God Complex at 7:27 PM on December 3, 2003

I say we all ship him a 6 pack of local beer.
posted by Keyser Soze at 7:58 PM on December 3, 2003

Before anyone says anything about beer, I realize in America I live in the best microbrewery state: OREGON mutherfuckers.
posted by Keyser Soze at 7:59 PM on December 3, 2003

Umm, no, of course the concept of 3-D porn never entered my head, but I am sure those other people who are interested in that sort of thing will be lovin' it long time.
posted by dg at 8:01 PM on December 3, 2003

Umm, no, of course the concept of 3-D porn never entered my head, but I am sure those other people who are interested in that sort of thing will be lovin' it long time.

[oriface joke deleted]
posted by The God Complex at 11:35 PM on December 3, 2003

[orifice spelling inserted]
posted by The God Complex at 11:43 PM on December 3, 2003

Methinks mathowie is being a wee bit disingenuous, bless his heart. Who doesn't like getting stuff? When you think about the amount of time and effort and do-re-mi he has put into this place, a couple K gift seems pretty paltry. Buy him shit, yo.
posted by vito90 at 7:47 AM on December 4, 2003

I agree. I like philanthropy, but I prefer to do my own; when I get a gift, I want it to be a gift, dammit. If we can't think of anything better, let's send him the amount collected in dollar bills and let him roll around in it.
posted by languagehat at 7:53 AM on December 4, 2003

Um...could we get piccies of that?
posted by iconomy at 9:04 AM on December 4, 2003

I say we all ship him a 6 pack of local beer.

Sixer of Old Style tallboys on its way!*




* Not really. Maybe some Goose Island, though.
posted by me3dia at 9:06 AM on December 4, 2003

***UPDATE*****
Our secret agent who is close to Matt has reported back with info about gifts he wants but won't buy because they are stupid expensive. read about it here.
posted by y6y6y6 at 9:48 AM on December 4, 2003

i maintain the vote for certain breakfast foods and toy farm animals, and I will not relent.

or maybe a turducken.
posted by Hackworth at 10:14 AM on December 4, 2003

I'm up for that, clever sheep. Say, go for something 9 inches across? That makes a nice wide, but not unreasonable scarf. Work in midweight (sport/aran/dk/worsted) yarns would probably be best, since going to either extreme (fingering or chunky) would end up with pieces that stretched each other out of shape.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:16 AM on December 4, 2003

crap. I'm beginning to wonder if Matt shouldn't be buying US presents. I mean, we make metafilter, don't we? All he does is delete a couple messages now and then.
posted by crunchland at 11:51 AM on December 4, 2003

clever sheep: count me in for for the MRSK (MetaFilter Relay Scarf-Knitting)! ; )
posted by widdershins at 8:04 AM on December 5, 2003

jacquilynne, that's starting to sound dangerously like a plan (midweight, alpaca content preferred, 9" row width, blue or gray, pattern = knitter's choice). and woo-hoo, welcome widdershins! that makes three of us signed on....

seriously, this might work. salmonberry, dejah, sgt., are any of you up for it? raise your hands and I'll start sending round the e-mails.
posted by clever sheep at 8:57 AM on December 5, 2003

This will actually work well with our final gift choice. Details here.
posted by y6y6y6 at 9:07 AM on December 5, 2003

Hrmm. I like the idea of a scarf to take to Iceland. It has the added bonus of giving us a little more time than Christmas to try to get the scarf together since presumably the trip will not take place right away. I just have to finish a few rows on the sleeve of my new sweater, than I'll start on this.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:38 AM on December 5, 2003