Men, women, and relationships

February 6, 2004 4:19 AM

What are some good community sites, other than AskMetafilter, where people can intiate discussions on topics like this one? It's a good question in a bad place, IMO.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders to Etiquette/Policy at 4:19 AM (42 comments total)

Usenet was getting the job done long before the web came around. Many groups have little or no moderation, so pretty much anything goes.

As a special bonus, everything has already been discussed there before, so starting new topics is completely unnecessary! Two decades of archives should be enough for anybody.
posted by Galvatron at 6:39 AM on February 6, 2004

um... there's one that comes to mind... it's on the tip of my tongue...

I think it starts with "crunch" and ends with "land."
posted by crunchland at 8:16 AM on February 6, 2004

I think onlyconnect needs to seriously consider membership at Plastic.com
posted by rocketman at 9:23 AM on February 6, 2004

*whoosh*
posted by quonsar at 10:03 AM on February 6, 2004

I hope others (besides crunchland & rocketman) will take the time to seriously answer this question. There's a continual problem here of people wanting to post questions that are more geared to general discussions, opinions or abstract topics than Matt's intentions for AskMe will permit.

It would be great to have some quality alternatives for such questions. If you don't like these questions, pointing out alterative sites is MUCH more constructive than telling the poster to fuck off.

Sure, one can post on Usenet, but I suspect the reason people post "inappropriate" questions here is beacuse they respect the intelligence of AskMe's members. So they don't just want to know of some random message board where they can post whatever they want. They want to know of a place where thoughtful, smart people will respond to their question.

I suggest Brainstorms, which you can join for free if you send the site-owner an email, requesting membership.
posted by grumblebee at 10:14 AM on February 6, 2004

I suggested plastic.com because it's a very discussion-oriented site, and onlyconnect's question seems almost exactly like the form they use for posts.

I didn't mean to suggest that onlyconnect phuckoff, or that she doesn't belong here. But AskMe is about answers, not talk.

In my opinion, if you want talk, and a thousand different opinions, go to Plastic. People there are quite eager to tell you what they think.
posted by rocketman at 10:33 AM on February 6, 2004

Can't recall the site and give up trying to find it. It was posted to Meta-Filter, the Blue, about the first week Askfilter opened up. The site was similar to Askfilter and seemed to be better organized.
posted by thomcatspike at 10:34 AM on February 6, 2004

holy mother of pearl. it's gotten so damned chatty on askmefi i think my head's going to explode. if one more person asks a stupid question about their cat... i just can't take it. and yes, i will try to stop reading it. if you don't like it, don't read it. no one's forcing you, blah blah blah charlie brown grown up sounds. but come on, this was the one place, the one place in all the net...
posted by t r a c y at 12:24 PM on February 6, 2004

rocketmen, I didn't mean to imply that you were telling anyone to phuck off, fuck off, or phuq ov. That's why I wrote:

I hope others (besides crunchland & rocketman) will take the time to seriously answer this question.
posted by grumblebee at 12:25 PM on February 6, 2004

As I've asked before, can we please keep AskMefi to "what home theater should I buy?", "why isn't my ipod working?", and "what should I put in my dream shower?" type questions?

This question in particular was too general and lacked any definitive direction, but as a rule I have no problem with these "abstract" and unanswerable questions, because anything with a definitive answer is easily googled. If you want to ask "how bees make honey", then you could very easily google it and save everyone's time--nobody is going to lend any expertise to that topic because it's a strictly factual (and thus wholly boring given the situation) question.

I didn't mean to suggest that onlyconnect phuckoff, or that she doesn't belong here. But AskMe is about answers, not talk.

Sorry, I didn't realize you'd co-opted it, and right out from under my nose! What if someone asked for everyone's opinions on existentiality and their application of it to their everyday life? Is that too abstract? You certainly wouldn't get an absolute answer, but you might get a boatload of interesting ones.
posted by The God Complex at 1:28 PM on February 6, 2004

Thank you for the alternative sites; I may use them. Though many of the replies it's been getting about things being individually based are just what the bf has been telling me recently, so maybe I should just let it go. (And listen to him more!)

I'm sorry if the question was too discussion-y for people, and I won't be annoyed if Matt deletes it because it's wrong for AskMe. It was earnestly asked, though. Are relationship questions really taboo on AskMe? Is it useful to push AskMe further into the confines of the popular triumvirate of laptops, weblogs, and pets? Wasn't there a time back on the thread discussing what categories AskMe would be broken down into when relationships were contemplated as their own category? Personally I find life and relationship questions fascinating, but maybe that means I really belong over at plastic.

I think maybe the main problem was that the post came off as sort of philosophical instead of targeted at a specific personal issue that I want everyone to help me solve. But the heart of my issue is really just that question.

In any case, again, sorry if this was too chatty and pissed anyone off.
posted by onlyconnect at 1:28 PM on February 6, 2004

holy mother of pearl. it's gotten so damned chatty on askmefi i think my head's going to explode. if one more person asks a stupid question about their cat... i just can't take it. and yes, i will try to stop reading it. if you don't like it, don't read it. no one's forcing you, blah blah blah charlie brown grown up sounds. but come on, this was the one place, the one place in all the net...

Beats boring tech-head stuff nine times out of ten, my dear ;) I'd rather learn how to keep the dander off a cat than what's wrong with Quonsar's browser, although I'll tolerate that, too, if need be.
posted by The God Complex at 1:29 PM on February 6, 2004

No. No, I think enflamed minds want to know; what in the hell is up with Grandpa Quonsar's browser?!!
posted by zarah at 1:38 PM on February 6, 2004

and right out from under my nose!

Pay better attention next time, and you'll feel me tickling your nose hairs. Based on your request - As I've asked before, can we please keep AskMefi to "what home theater should I buy?", "why isn't my ipod working?", and "what should I put in my dream shower?" type questions? - I think we probably share the same opinion on what AskMe should be.

It's not a chat room, yo.
posted by rocketman at 1:39 PM on February 6, 2004

That first part was purely sarcasm on my part, although I realized after it probably wasn't that clear because of what I wrote after it. I have no problem with the three I mentioned, but I think it's funny to suggest that you can get a definitive answer on "what makes a dream shower" any more than you can get a definitive answer about religion or spirituality. You're asking for people's opinions, hopefully based on their personal experience, in both situations, only one seems to be frowned upon and the other not.

I don't want people debating over whether or not God exists, because we all probably agree that won't go anywhere, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to discuss various related topics, be it how one applies the teachings of the bible to their everyday life--which I would personally avoid at any and all costs but would understand people wanting to share their experiences--to discussing the writings of Nietzsche or Heidegger or Kierkegaard.

I realize this is only tangentially related to the original topic, but it seems to be a complain about ask metafilter that is continually raised and seems to pass without comment most of the time. Then again, I'd be ok with a thread detailing the perfect sandwich (rye bread? whole wheat? tomatoes, cucumbers--both?!), so I might be in the minority of what I find interesting.

Why the hell is "irregardless" in the spell checker? Ugh.
posted by The God Complex at 1:49 PM on February 6, 2004

It's not a chat room, yo.
but #mefi was down for the longest time...
posted by wendell at 2:02 PM on February 6, 2004

I agree that a thread detailing the perfect sandwich would be interesting on AskMe. But I don't think it belongs there.

A question about why savory toppings on a sandwich go well with sweet bread might be better suited. Believe it or not, you can't find everything with Google. Sometimes, you just need to ask somebody.

But I'm also content to just ignore what bothers me, usually, so feel free to post whatever. I'll just make fun of it behind your back.
posted by rocketman at 2:03 PM on February 6, 2004

that doesn't mean we shouldn't be able to discuss various related topics

If you want to discuss a topic, I'd suggest hitting the intarweb, grabbing a couple of decent links on the subject, and posting them to MetaFilter.
posted by rocketman at 2:10 PM on February 6, 2004

Sometimes MetaTalk discussions about AskMe remind me of the question game created by Tom Stoppard: you have to hold a conversation using only questions, but you can't just repeat the last question asked, your can't ask off-topic questions, and you can't ask rhetorical questions.

AskMe is a site for asking questions. What we need are some clear, Stoppard-like rules.

It makes sense to me that we shouldn't ask rhetorical questions (or any question that has no reasonably definitive answer). I think most people here agree with that.

The two sticking points seem to be about questions based on abstract matters and questions about people's internal states.

Some people seem to feel that "does infinity exist?" is not approriate. Fine. But is it bad because it's non-answerable or merely because it's abstract (i.e. not about a Browser). The distinction is important. We (or Matt) need to make clear whether or not we reject all abtract-concept questions just because they are abstract (i.e. don't point to objects in the physical world).

Then there are the "what's a good book...," "what's a good gift...," "what are your feelings about..." questions. Many of these questions CAN be answered definitively, because they are asking people about their feelings. People CAN definitely state what their feelings are.

If we disallow these, then we should be equally harsh on, "What are your feelings about God?" and "What's Sci-fi books would you recommend?"
posted by grumblebee at 2:33 PM on February 6, 2004

Above all, I believe Ask MetaFilter should be about things you (or I or everyone) know rather than things we feel. The point of any knowledgebase (and that's what Ask MeFi is, in a general sense) is to contain knowledge, definitive answers to definitive questions. This is why the ephemeral and spiritual do not belong; there is no way to definitively answer "What are your feelings about God?" or "Why don't American's like David Hasselhoff's music?"

At the same time, I believe questions about browsers and drywall and cats certainly do belong on Ask MetaFilter. The reason they seem excessive at the moment is because there is no (immediately) available search functionality, no method of categorization, and no method of filtering out categories which personally hold no interest. Matt has already stated that he is rewriting Ask MeFi from the ground up, and I suspect that many of the worthwhile features people have requested (and re-requested, and re-re-...) will be present in the final version.

What we need now is patience, and the rest will likely fall into place as Mr. Haughey's schedule permits.
posted by Danelope at 3:07 PM on February 6, 2004

ahh the voice of reason; a danelope shaped advil for those who have let the noise get to them.
posted by t r a c y at 4:31 PM on February 6, 2004

if one more person asks a stupid question about their cat

Seriously, what's up with all the cat questions? This wouldn't really bother me, except that I haven't noticed an abundance of questions about dogs, birds, rabbits, gerbils, etc. Should I just accept this as further evidence that cats are psychotic and make for problematic pets?
posted by Galvatron at 4:33 PM on February 6, 2004

Or does this tell us something about cat owners?
posted by Galvatron at 4:35 PM on February 6, 2004

Should I just accept this as further evidence that cats are psychotic and make for problematic pets?

The rumor mill has it that Apple has studied its demographics and is preparing to launch a new AIBO-like robotic cat called the iPet. It will be available in a variety of colors by 2005, but the first-generation units will reportedly be Bondi Pepsi Blue.

No word on a definite release date, but I'm sure you'll hear about it on MetaFilter when it debuts.
posted by Danelope at 4:47 PM on February 6, 2004

Rule of thumb : If Miguel would post something like you're about to post, don't.
posted by crunchland at 5:32 PM on February 6, 2004

There was a huge run of dog questions back in December, if anyone cares about such things. It was dog central around xmas.

Danelope is right, I'm working on stuff still and I agree that problems involving feelings instead of knowledge make for weak posts on the site. Also, I am still working on it, hoping to get something up next week, but that's pretty optimistic. I've got the category stuff worked out and the database basics, I just need to code all the new parts.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 5:48 PM on February 6, 2004

A question about why savory toppings on a sandwich go well with sweet bread might be better suited.
They do?
I've been slathering Chun King Sweet & Sour Sauce on King's Hawaiian Bread for so long... (maybe that explains the type 2 diabetes...)

I'd rather learn how to keep the dander off a cat than what's wrong with Quonsar's browser
But quonsar's browser IS Schroedinger's Cat...

The two sticking points seem to be about questions based on abstract matters and questions about people's internal states.
I had a pile of concerns with my AskMeFi about my housing situation, trying to keep it from looking like a craigslist ad targeting MeFites (although, at heart, it was). It's not like I'd set up a "send me money" site (though I haven't ruled it out).

It was dog central around xmas.
Of course, it's simple Marketing 101: Dogs during the shopping season, cats during the TV ratings sweeps.

a danelope shaped advil...
I first read that as aNvil... Looney Foons.
posted by wendell at 6:20 PM on February 6, 2004

I'm working on stuff still and I agree that problems involving feelings instead of knowledge make for weak posts on the site.

I disagree, if only because I think there's a rather thin, possibly non-existent, difference between "feeling" and "opinion" in many situations (again, I refer to anything to do with renovation). As long as it isn't something that will polarize everyone and accomplish nothing (see: does God exist, etc.), I think these sort of opinion-based threads are essentially the most interesting that can be posed to this community.

Of course, I'm also fine with the site being run however you want, or however the majority of people want it run. I just thought I'd chime in on the off chance someone else cares about sandwiches ;)

Rule of thumb : If Miguel would post something like you're about to post, don't.

Miguel is my guidling light. I study his history daily and hope one day to ascend to his level. Take that, foul beast.
posted by The God Complex at 9:09 PM on February 6, 2004

It is written in the Book of Miguel...

In the dawning ages, the cruel god Moloch rebelled against Mathowie the Creator, stealing the Creator's mightiest artifact, the Amulet of Quonsar. Many have tried to win it back, and died in the attempt, but you and you alone might win it back.

Go forth, o newly trained Mefite, in the name of the Miguel!
posted by arto at 3:07 AM on February 7, 2004

on the off chance someone else cares about sandwiches

You cannot know how much I care about sandwiches. If ever you are in need of sandwich-related advice, feel free to contact me.

I don't think I've ever felt so strongly about a comment I've made on this site.
posted by rocketman at 9:26 AM on February 7, 2004

Then why are you rocketman and not sandwichman? (Or submarineman or bagetteman or peanutbutterandjellyman or...)

And is jellied cranberry sauce on a post-Thansgiving turkey sandwich socially acceptable?
posted by wendell at 6:06 PM on February 7, 2004

Because my favorite sandwich is "The Rocket". It's outta this world!

The sandwich you describe, wendell, is not only socially acceptable in my opinion, it's also highly underrated.
posted by rocketman at 2:30 PM on February 8, 2004

Over the next week I will hopefully be researching links for a sandwich thread to end all sandwich threads. Wait with baited breath.
posted by The God Complex at 8:40 PM on February 8, 2004

Don't hold back on the onions.
posted by rocketman at 9:03 AM on February 9, 2004

And is jellied cranberry sauce on a post-Thansgiving turkey sandwich socially acceptable?

Not only acceptable, and highly underrated, but also available for purchase if you are lucky enough to live in Delaware or Las Vegas, NV.
posted by jennyb at 9:05 AM on February 9, 2004

Wait with baited breath.

Can we look forward to another toilet thread, too? Don't forget to add lots of question marks to your post. That always pumps up the replies.
posted by crunchland at 9:39 AM on February 9, 2004

Wait with baited breath.

What should I use for bait?
posted by languagehat at 10:18 AM on February 9, 2004

What's the matter, crunchland? Don't you like question marks? With what else would you suggest terminating a question?
posted by timeistight at 10:23 AM on February 9, 2004

What should I use for bait?

I hate it when I do that and you're here. I knew there was a reason I normally check these things with an unnatural zeal, but today I have been sussed out.

Can we look forward to another toilet thread, too? Don't forget to add lots of question marks to your post. That always pumps up the replies.

I was going to use the popular question & exclamation mark duo. Do you think it's a good idea??!!?!
posted by The God Complex at 12:11 PM on February 9, 2004

Also, in case anyone cares, if Miguel hadn't done it I would seriously consider a sandwich thread, only I would focus more on the combination of tastes (breads and cheeses) and not narrow the scope solely to "the best", which I think marginalizes those who appreciate sandwiches that may be something of an acquired taste. There is room in my heart for more than one sandwich, possible upwards of two dozen "regulars."
posted by The God Complex at 12:15 PM on February 9, 2004

You are my new best friend.
posted by rocketman at 2:59 PM on February 9, 2004

Thou heretic, thou shalt repent thy infidellish ways and embrace the One True Sandwich[*], or thou shalt perish!

[*] actual identity of sandwich is yet to be determined.
posted by arto at 1:55 AM on February 10, 2004