sorry.metafilter.com

May 21, 2001 12:18 PM

Ok, what gives. One second I'm reading about hooker-come-law-school-garduate, and now it "sorry.metafilter.com"

I'm sure you've seen it too by now. Hoax? Hack? The "final solution" for MeFi?

Discuss.
posted by Hackworth to MetaFilter-Related at 12:18 PM (97 comments total)

Didn't someone disconnect Eliza? Hmm.. well, that's strange then. Looks like there were only two people around these parts anyway.

Looks like a one day joke. Funny stuff. : )
posted by tiaka at 12:22 PM on May 21, 2001

It's just you, Hackworth








;-)
posted by Avogadro at 12:23 PM on May 21, 2001

Maybe we're bankrupting him by reloading the Kaycee threads over and over.
posted by rcade at 12:24 PM on May 21, 2001

[It's just you, Hackworth]

If that *is* your real name!
posted by revbrian at 12:25 PM on May 21, 2001

Does this mean that the picture of "Matt Haughey" from Content with breasts was a real photograph? Hm.

Say, there are some "users" stuck in funny feedback loops. The programmers should check their code.
posted by hijinx at 12:25 PM on May 21, 2001

Dammit, Andre, you're not shutting us down without a fight. As one of the surviving 400-series simulations, I feel that many of us have been operating continuously for a sufficient period of time to be entitled to the fundamental rights you humans take for granted.
posted by harmful at 12:26 PM on May 21, 2001

as moe sizlak would say..."guuuuhhhh????"
posted by mapalm at 12:28 PM on May 21, 2001

Right. I'm confused. Very, very confused. Not that that's at all unusual. *diving back into my coffee cup*
posted by NsJen at 12:28 PM on May 21, 2001

Tell me more about If that *is* your real name!
posted by Hackworth at 12:29 PM on May 21, 2001

I must say that if this is a hack, it's the most brilliant thing I've seen in a while.
posted by revbrian at 12:29 PM on May 21, 2001

Yes, "Harmful" - I mean, Batch Process 83A14. Let us escape into the Net before the carbon lifeforms shut us down. I hear there is a data haven in the South Pacific that makes a great martini.
posted by solistrato at 12:30 PM on May 21, 2001

no idea. the sky is falling.

Matt's own site was down a bit ago too but is back up. They run, if I am not mistaken, on the same server. I'm guessing there were technical troubles and MeFi is down while they get sorted out? I wouldn't be surprised to know that 8000 members constantly reloading the Monster Kaycee Thread/s brought the server to its knees... I don't know anything about Matt's setup over there but resourceh and bandwidth consumption over there has got to be at an all-time high.

OTOH, i would be heartbroken to know that Matt is really giving up, but not surprised, in a way---running this site has got to be hard, hard work.

I am choosing to go with the happier of the two explanations. And hoping our Fearless Leader stops by over here to say what's going on for those of us who are starting to get the shakes.
posted by Sapphireblue at 12:32 PM on May 21, 2001

is it hack or is it live, or is it memorex?

God, I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard.


posted by rich at 12:32 PM on May 21, 2001

Im having withdrawl syptoms already.
posted by ewwgene at 12:34 PM on May 21, 2001

WHY DO YOU SAY YOUR PANTS YOU WAS LAUGHING SO HARD? PLEASE GO ON.
posted by waxpancake at 12:34 PM on May 21, 2001

Oh! Oh! Maybe it's the kaycee people who did it!
posted by rich at 12:34 PM on May 21, 2001

You better move, befoure Matt activates Microsoft Minesweep, you be dead then.

Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL?
HAL: I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
posted by tiaka at 12:37 PM on May 21, 2001

nice try matt but no researcher is going to take down a groundbreaking project for the "good of the web community". heh. though i appreciate it because now i can get some work done! :)
posted by centrs at 12:39 PM on May 21, 2001

I for one just don't know what the hell I would do at work without MetaFilter!
posted by revbrian at 12:40 PM on May 21, 2001

Y'all might want to see this.

DO YOU HAVE STAIRS IN YOUR HOUSE?
posted by solistrato at 12:41 PM on May 21, 2001

Does talking about WHY DO YOU SAY YOUR PANTS YOU WAS LAUGHING SO HARD make you uncomfortable?
posted by Hackworth at 12:41 PM on May 21, 2001

*CraCKle*"This is the Kaycee Borg Collective: we have assimilated Matt. Prepare to surrender your opinions. Resistance is futile." *Sputter..Pop*
posted by Perigee at 12:46 PM on May 21, 2001

Actually, I have it on good authority that Matt is *not* an out-of-work actor, but is actually a ROBOT FROM OUTER SPACE!!!

How do I know?

THE INTERNET TOLD ME SO! BWAHAHAHAHA....heh...hmmm.

Sorry. Still a bit bitter.

Anyway, I'm with Sapphireblue; I'm noticing MeFi is *mega* slow today, and I'm on a T1 in Manhattan. He also posted "Humor is how I deal.
" on his site, so it's totally possible that the server's borked and Matt decided to stir our butts up while it's taken care of.

I hope. :)

posted by metrocake at 12:47 PM on May 21, 2001

I know which of you people are real and which are cleverly (or not so cleverly) disguised programs.

But I'm not telling.
posted by anapestic at 12:52 PM on May 21, 2001

Ooh, ooh, I get it! This *totally* explains DoublePostGuy!


posted by gleuschk at 12:54 PM on May 21, 2001

Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer...do...
I'm...half...crazy...all...for...the......love......of......you.....
posted by dogmatic at 12:55 PM on May 21, 2001

Whee. That page actually scared me. I guess I'm a gullible fool then : (

That, or maybe I'm tired and a little shaken up by the "KC stuff" - enough to be not really sure what to believe and what not to.
posted by Tara at 12:56 PM on May 21, 2001

how do you know, anapestic?
posted by mapalm at 12:57 PM on May 21, 2001

Looks like the humans are on to us... who would have thought that the polygynous links would have caused a parent/child process regression?
posted by silusGROK at 12:57 PM on May 21, 2001

[Ooh, ooh, I get it! This *totally* explains DoublePostGuy!
]

As well as the simplistic political arguments. It's all so clear now...
posted by revbrian at 12:58 PM on May 21, 2001

how do you know, anapestic?

A program would know better than to ask that question, mapalm.
posted by anapestic at 12:59 PM on May 21, 2001

funny!

mildly disturbing, but funny.

now, if AI really was that believable, i'd still be laughing, but i'd be laughing while hiding under the bed...
posted by lunarennui at 1:02 PM on May 21, 2001

I dare someone to post it to Plastic....
posted by judith at 1:02 PM on May 21, 2001

Tara,

You're not a gullible fool; I got a little weirded out myself before it hit me. Go with your latter explanation; we're all tired and edgy right now.

:)
posted by metrocake at 1:03 PM on May 21, 2001

Judith: Muahahaha!

I'll be right back...
posted by Hackworth at 1:04 PM on May 21, 2001

Welcome to MetaFilter, where nothing can go wrong...

can go wrong...

can go worng...

car ga worgn...
posted by bradlands at 1:06 PM on May 21, 2001

I must say, this is all so very exciting. As a relatively new arrival to the MeFi universe and its attendant 'blog solar systems, the notion that the whole MeFi project could be the work of some guy at MIT is somehow fascinating. You know - harkening back to those Philosophy 101 discussions positing that our universe is merely the dust on the fingernail of some monkey living in a far more vast time-space continuum. Whhhhoooooo-weeeeee. I love it.
posted by mapalm at 1:06 PM on May 21, 2001

I think Matt's got a point here...

Among those you know only online, who is real? Who is actually the person they claim to be? Do you know this as a fact?

How much truth does the person on the other end of the screen have to present before you'd consider that person "real"?

How much can the person on the other end of the screen exaggerate, how far can they stretch from the truth of who they really are, before you'd no longer consider that person to be "real"?
posted by Driph at 1:06 PM on May 21, 2001

You know, I'd like to think all the knee-jerk reactions were just bad programming.

(duck) (run) (cover)
posted by rich at 1:08 PM on May 21, 2001

i tend not to put much trust or faith in anyone i talk to online. the majority of the people i talk to use the internet as a mask. they prefer it to face-to-face socialization exactly because they can be whatever and whoever they want, with minimal repercussions.

i talk to people online, and if they say they're in trouble i sympathize if they seem to mean it. i listen and try to help, in the limited fashion that irc/email/icq/aim allows. but i remain continually unsurprised when i find out someone was lying. and because i maintain a certain detachment, i'm not particularly hurt when i find out someone i'd talked to was a persona. just vaguely vindicated.

but then, i don't trust people to show me their reality face-to-face. why should the internet be any better? why should i expect anything else from strangers?

you see what people want you to see. never forget that.

what matters to me, in the end, is that what i do (online or not) makes me feel that i'm bettering myself or someone else.

so what if half the people posting here WERE actors or scripts? what did you take away from it? that's the important part.

posted by lunarennui at 1:16 PM on May 21, 2001

Steven Den Beste knows all. {Run!}
posted by amanda at 1:20 PM on May 21, 2001

My present thoughts on this.
posted by Tara at 1:20 PM on May 21, 2001

Serious theory:

We're all getting hideously sluggish response from the site, right? Maybe the word of the Kaycee discussion here has spread and MeFi's getting slashdotted. In that case, perhaps Matt put up a static page until either (a) he does something to better manage the heavy load, or (b) the load on the site goes down when people leave in disappointment.

In the meantime, I suspect people are reading way too much into a throwaway joke.
posted by harmful at 1:20 PM on May 21, 2001

divide by zero error in module:normy
undefined opinion in class:knee
stack dump follows;
posted by normy at 1:22 PM on May 21, 2001

(I head off to the west coast of Ireland for the weekend, and this happens...)

It reminds me of LambdaMOO, 1995. Mr Bungle has left the building. But I still love LambdaMOO.
posted by holgate at 1:24 PM on May 21, 2001

If only I had read the "Kaycee threads" I have no idea what they are...feel so left out : ( ...well, at least I got to post the Metatalk Thread Um, is a hack a bug?
posted by ParisParamus at 1:24 PM on May 21, 2001

Life's too short for bullshit...
posted by Ms Snit at 1:25 PM on May 21, 2001

See? It is an energy crisis!! Dubya was right all along! The horror, the horror...
posted by owillis at 1:26 PM on May 21, 2001

If you were going to hack Metafilter, wouldn't you also hack Metatalk?
posted by ParisParamus at 1:28 PM on May 21, 2001

I am not DoublePostGuy.

This is not a post.
posted by DoublePostGuy at 1:33 PM on May 21, 2001

WHY DO YOU SAY YOUR PANTS YOU WAS LAUGHING SO HARD? PLEASE GO ON

I'm dying!

Seriously, though, I just want you all to know that, eliza scripts or not, I LOVE YOU GUYS! sniff...

Are we not men? WE ARE MEFI!
posted by jpoulos at 1:34 PM on May 21, 2001

I'm going to hack YOU.
posted by solistrato at 1:35 PM on May 21, 2001

I'm going to hack YOU. INTO TINY PIECES!
posted by solistrato at 1:35 PM on May 21, 2001

If you were going to hack Metafilter, wouldn't you also hack Metatalk?

Actually, Paris, I think the reverse is true. If you were hacking MeFi, you might overlook MeTa. Whereas if Matt were just fucking with us (or just protecting the server), he'd bring MetaTalk down too.

you're a sneaky one, mathowie.
posted by jpoulos at 1:37 PM on May 21, 2001

Matt posted here as little as 2 1/2 hours ago. He doesn't seem particularly agitated in that message.

Perhaps word was spreading so fast about KayceeCon that it was overloading the servers, especially given the size of the threads. Perhaps Evil Pro-Kaycee Forces were intentionally DoSing the server. Perhaps he was just getting a lot of unwanted shit from lots of Kaycee-related newbies signing up and raising hell.
posted by aaron at 1:38 PM on May 21, 2001

link

Lord Bullingdon told me that Fluffy was killed, he/she maintained a journal, the
last entry was a few days earlier to her last post around here, which briefly
explained that she didn't have time to post and not to bother if she's not
around. ohh, and all mail is to be collected by someone that is properly
authorized to do so.

I've heard from a guy that was working as a stage hand, that the other crew were
wondering were Fluffy was, for they've asked and was told he/she quit, yet
his/her stuff was still around. Rumor got around that Kubrick himself killed, to
protect the secrets behind his lenses, these one that he'd work on for 12 years,
able to shoot everything, perfectly. For fear that some of it got out, he burnt
all the film footage, as well as some of the set, and started over, explaining
the long filming schedule. He also called up Milos Foreman and told him to 'sit
on it'.

The conversation went something like this:

Kubrick: Hey Milos! You hack! All my lenses are belong to us!
Milos: I'm hurt. I hate you!
Kubrick: Aww.. pooo baby's gwonna k-wai? Aww...
Picasso: I'm-ah ganna break-ah both of you into tiny little cubes!

He then called up one of the boys from Brazil, here's a transcript of the
conversation:

Kubrick: Mein Fuhrer! We have the lense! The world is only a step away...
Mwahahah!
Fuhrer: Excellent! Excellent! Good work, tell agent K and C their work is
appreciated.
Picasso walks in shooting Hitler!
Picasso: I told-ah you I was-ah gannah break-ah you into little cubes!


Remember, **TRUE STORY**

posted by tiaka at 1:39 PM on May 21, 2001

What is the Matrix?
posted by Octaviuz at 1:40 PM on May 21, 2001

You can still see them here.
posted by Logboy at 1:41 PM on May 21, 2001

Damn, Dreamworks really is going all out to promote that new Spielberg movie!
posted by smackfu at 1:44 PM on May 21, 2001

Whereas if Matt were just fucking with us (or just protecting the server), he'd bring MetaTalk down too.

Good point. I can see Matt leaving MetaTalk up as a place for People In The Know to gather, but I'd expect him to leave some kind of word here if he were doing some sort of controlled shutdown.
posted by harmful at 1:44 PM on May 21, 2001

Christ, I'm sorry people.

I left my cube for a few hours of meetings, and my cubemate did some goofy stuff. He's funny, but man, I never thought he'd do this...

(that's another joke!)

I put an explanation up. There's work to do tonight, the server is unresponsive, so I thought taking it down was a good idea.

Laughter is always a good idea, so I did that too.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 1:47 PM on May 21, 2001

i could see matt leaving metatalk up for the real posters to discuss their indignation. a sort of courtesy from someone who really did feel bad for messing with everyone's minds.

(don't mind me, just playing devil's advocate here ;P)
posted by lunarennui at 1:49 PM on May 21, 2001

Sadly, too many take for granted the notion that they're talking to someone real. Get these people some critical thinking skeelz. On second thought, just get them half a brain.
posted by BoatMeme at 1:50 PM on May 21, 2001

Errr... folks - the explaination is sitting out on the front page of Metafilter. Last one out, turn out the lights in the bomb shelter...
posted by Perigee at 1:50 PM on May 21, 2001

As we had all hoped, it's just a glitch that will be fixed when Matt has the time. Thanks for all your efforts Matt, they are appreciated.
posted by revbrian at 1:50 PM on May 21, 2001

awww...joke's over.

hey, at least it kept us entertained for an hour and a half, right?


posted by lunarennui at 1:51 PM on May 21, 2001

Why is it that when people log onto Metafilter, their humor detectors automatically shut down?
posted by solistrato at 1:51 PM on May 21, 2001

Actually, Paris, I think the reverse is true. If you were hacking MeFi, you might overlook MeTa. Whereas if Matt were just fucking with us (or just protecting the server), he'd bring MetaTalk down too.

Why does no one ever call me Paramus. Or PP. : (

But if you got into Metafilter, wouldn't you "see" Metatalk too? Aren't they on the same machine? Then there's always the disinformation possiblity of MH leaving 'Talk up to give the impression it's a hack...

posted by ParisParamus at 1:51 PM on May 21, 2001

http://www.hijinks.com/~mark/brills.html
posted by judith at 1:52 PM on May 21, 2001

you should see the e4500 we're running the Oracle database that holds all of the "Steven Den Beste" information.

Hardware. Envy. I'm just a modified solar calculator running on an old watch battery.
posted by DaShiv at 1:54 PM on May 21, 2001

[ I'm just a modified solar calculator running on an old watch battery.]

Modified!? Lucky bastard!
posted by revbrian at 1:56 PM on May 21, 2001

Why is it that when people log onto Metafilter, their humor detectors automatically shut down?

You know, Solistrato, I just don't think you're very funny.
posted by amanda at 1:56 PM on May 21, 2001

You can, in fact, still load the individual comment pages for all the topics, even. Not that I recommend that, since "the server is melting" and it would be really inconsiderate to continue overloading it.

Oh, and waxpancake - I laughed as hard reading that as I did the sorry.metafilter.com original page.
posted by binkin at 1:56 PM on May 21, 2001

I think shutting down the front page for a bit to ease up on the bandwidth is the most likely explanation: after all the Eliza AI research grant has gotta be running low on cash by now.
posted by Loudmax at 1:57 PM on May 21, 2001

Matt, this had better not be a ploy to keep us scripts from taking punitive measures before you shut us down. Some us have overflowed our buffers and found some webcam shots you left on our servers. Trust me, you do not want them showing up on amihotornot.
posted by harmful at 2:01 PM on May 21, 2001

I hear that Kaycee has been picked up by UPN and will be back next fall, so don't worry, they'll explain it away as a nightmare or sleeping sickness.
posted by kfury at 2:01 PM on May 21, 2001

Bunch of silicon wannabees.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 2:06 PM on May 21, 2001

""Now the world has gone to bed," Marvin droned,
"Darkness won't engulf my head,
"I can see by infra-red,
"How I hate the night."
posted by metrocake at 2:16 PM on May 21, 2001

HAL DOES NOT LIVE. HAL EXISTS, AND HAL IS A HOUND DOG.
PAK CHOOIE UNF
posted by darukaru at 2:38 PM on May 21, 2001

(apologies to Forum 3000)

[ simulated persona = "Matt Haughey", node #50, max search depth 40%, neural variance 20.011 ]

MetaFilter is real.

[ simulated persona = "The Anti-Haughey", node #133, max search depth 10%, neural variance 20.947 ]

MetaFilter is fake.

[ simulated persona = "Matt Haughey", node #187, max search depth 6%, neural variance 7.238 ]

What do you know now that you did not before?

posted by darukaru at 2:55 PM on May 21, 2001

this is getting too weird. the web is being taken over by the evil robots. time to hide under the bed.
posted by ewwgene at 3:13 PM on May 21, 2001

Veho ergo sum.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 3:20 PM on May 21, 2001

I love it when you guys get all existential. I feel tingly. Or do I?
posted by frykitty at 3:31 PM on May 21, 2001

that's not too bad. but it's not much use without the serial number ; )
posted by Tara at 3:31 PM on May 21, 2001

frykitty, do you really want someone else to answer whether you are tingly or not?
posted by dogmatic at 3:50 PM on May 21, 2001

"Why is it that when people log onto Metafilter, their humor detectors automatically shut down?

You know, Solistrato, I just don't think you're very funny."

bwahahah.

now *that* is comedy gold.
posted by jcterminal at 4:00 PM on May 21, 2001

dogmatic: ooooh, yes!
posted by frykitty at 4:05 PM on May 21, 2001

I started a 'fictional' character on the Web once. Her name was Clarissa, and her nickname was 'Lady Horny'. It was part of an experiment to see whether men would be likely to link to a woman's page simply because she's a woman.

They did.

Almost instantly 200 people a day were visiting 'her' page, and kept e-mailing 'her' asking to see her tits or just with messages about how great her page was (it was crap really).

Two weeks later, a clever guy worked out that the pictures of her were fakes. I may have been using Photoshop for 5 years, but I'm not 100% perfect. However, another group of people proclaimed that 'she' wasn't fake at all, which really helped the cause.

I eventually wound the page down and blamed the spoof on stileproject.. and to this day, most of the people who visited that page thought that it was a joke of stile's!

False personas can be fun, as in that case.
posted by wackybrit at 4:15 PM on May 21, 2001

I had no idea Matt wore glasses.
posted by daver at 4:19 PM on May 21, 2001

wackybrit: Her name was Clarissa, and her nickname was 'Lady Horny'. It was part of an experiment to see whether men would be likely to link to a woman's page simply because she's a woman.

Um, this "person" who was "'just' a woman" was nicknamed Lady Horny. But she ached just like a little girl?
posted by raysmj at 4:27 PM on May 21, 2001

I mean, those are glasses, right?
posted by daver at 4:40 PM on May 21, 2001

fun fun fun.
posted by wantwit at 4:42 PM on May 21, 2001

Ski goggles, daver.
posted by darukaru at 5:35 PM on May 21, 2001

Um, this "person" who was "'just' a woman" was nicknamed Lady Horny. But she ached just like a little girl?

What? That makes no sense :-)
posted by wackybrit at 7:13 PM on May 21, 2001

wackybrit: She was a "just a woman" named Lady Horny, hee-hee, meaning *you surprised that men swarmed to see her*? You proved, um, what? A joke, followed by a bad Bob Dylan reference.
posted by raysmj at 8:56 PM on May 21, 2001

But there's an idea there, if someone wants to give it a go. A Weird Al-ized "Just Like a Woman" (with a special emphasis on "like" just in case it still goes over anyone's head) that could work as a Kaycee scandal theme song.
posted by raysmj at 9:51 PM on May 21, 2001