Worst FPP ever?

August 26, 2004 7:31 PM

Worst FPP ever? There's plenty of marginally psychotic fetishes out there. This one is neither unusual nor entertaining. There are plenty of specialty sites for this crap (Stile, Rotten), so it would stand to reason that only the most entertaining of it, if any, should make it to Mefi, a more general-interest site.
posted by abcde to etiquette/policy at 7:31 PM (44 comments total)

And no, I don't think it's the worst FPP ever (the login posts at the least would account for that), but it's so strongly mediocre that it lacks the interestingness of being extremely bad.
posted by abcde at 7:33 PM on August 26, 2004

Auto-ball-crushing is not unusual?
posted by PrinceValium at 7:38 PM on August 26, 2004

Whatever, its better than the daily Bush filter.

Worst callout on a FPP ever? Maybe...
posted by Quartermass at 7:39 PM on August 26, 2004

the reasons why you don't like it are the reasons why this is a good FPP.
posted by Stynxno at 7:49 PM on August 26, 2004

Worst FPP ever?

I FPPed Britney recieving her first cunnilingus.

So, no.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:49 PM on August 26, 2004

It's a great post. Quit trying to ruin our fun you braineating zombie bastard.
posted by angry modem at 8:20 PM on August 26, 2004

Worst FPP ever?

I'd say it WAS pretty unusual. And hey, I haven't seen it on the news lately so it's automatically more FPP-worthy than most of the shit on the blue these days.
posted by bob sarabia at 8:22 PM on August 26, 2004

Not unusual for a psychotic fetish, I should say ;)
posted by abcde at 8:32 PM on August 26, 2004

this may come as a surprise to you, but Metafilter also serves the function of a timewaster.

Not a great post, but at least it was stupid.
posted by Miles Long at 8:49 PM on August 26, 2004

There's so much good stuff out there that's both interesting and a light read (like this). Fark does much better as a list of stupid stuff - which isn't to insult it, as you said that's plenty valuable.
posted by abcde at 8:58 PM on August 26, 2004

This was a great post. You people need to relax, maybe drop a medicine ball on your groin or something.
posted by crunchburger at 9:05 PM on August 26, 2004

I just remembered a story by David Sedaris about how he realized what the internet was all about after watching a video with his sister of a girl in spike heels stomping on a guy's testicles. So maybe I'm wrong, and this is the best thing ever ;)
posted by abcde at 9:09 PM on August 26, 2004

"maybe I'm wrong"

No "maybe" about it. Get a sense of humor. ;-P
posted by mischief at 9:36 PM on August 26, 2004

It was an amusing post. Granted, it might not be 'the best of the web' but I think MeFi's scope has broadened slightly to 'the stuff on the web that's pretty interesting (and 20 posts a day about american politics)'. All in all it was worth posting to a geniteral interest website.
posted by fvw at 9:36 PM on August 26, 2004

also, i think the consensus is that this post is definitely worse.
posted by bob sarabia at 10:02 PM on August 26, 2004

...by which, of course, you mean "better."
posted by soyjoy at 10:14 PM on August 26, 2004

Hell yes. That Kerry post is gold.
posted by punishinglemur at 10:14 PM on August 26, 2004

actually, I think loguacious is now making an effort to tie the two threads together. Brilliant, if potentially painful!
posted by soyjoy at 10:17 PM on August 26, 2004

of course! when I say "worse" I mean "better". that kerry post is MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME.
posted by bob sarabia at 10:28 PM on August 26, 2004

I dug the ball-crushing post. Just weighing-in in favor of the post.

And however much I love fark, the jokes are funnier on MeFi.
posted by stet at 11:07 PM on August 26, 2004

I got a laugh out of it. If you took it as a serious fetish-interest site, I think you're feeling grumpy today.
posted by scarabic at 11:23 PM on August 26, 2004

Scarabic, brother, I'll go one better --

If you took it as a serious fetish site, then I for one am glad you found it, and equally so that the blue was able to direct you to what you might just consider the best of the web.

Now get off our collective balls. Shit's starting to chafe.
posted by chicobangs at 12:01 AM on August 27, 2004

That post changed my life. All this time, I thought I was alone in the world. But there are others like me!
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:28 AM on August 27, 2004

*punches everyone in the junk with a Chilean space-waffle on a stick*

There, now I've tied all three threads together. Now where's my damn griddlecakes?

And no, the Nutcracker Suite is not a spoof/hoax. There's some pretty specific fetish details there, and I can spot a fetish twenty miles away in a snowstorm with my eyes closed. Just trust me, ok? I can back this up with links - but you really don't want me to, and I've seen things that would make strong men gibber in terror and/or faint and/or scream like little girlies and/or claw their eyes out...

Like that LA Leather demo show, the one with the horizontal flying small-gauge flesh-hook suspension - no, not that one with the creepy dude on the meathooks, but the other one with that girl on the dozens of small polished deep-sea fishing hooks - and so later this guy comes walking out - yeah, naked, of course - and he's got the hammer, nail, and plank in his hand and that sort of intense-but-excited thousand yard stare like he was just rapping with God himself - but about something mundane, like a BLT or a burrito or something. So of course he sits on the plank and begins to hammer the nail into his... ayup. I'm not sure if the worst was how undeniably excited he got when he missed the nail or watching him get the nail back out so he could, well, y'know, finish the task with flair and some sense of, erm, closure. I really don't think that that was legal, even in California.
posted by loquacious at 3:48 AM on August 27, 2004 [1 favorite]

Since it's become obscured by the mists of time, when I said loquacious was trying to tie the 2 threads together I was referring to this comment.

But as to "worse" and "better," see, this is why I respectfully dissent from Matt's preference that we abolish the term FPP and use only "thread." The Kerry FPP was rather lame and misguided, even if it does have some redeeming value within the link (the illegally-reproduced text of the book). But the resulting thread is both entertaining and informative, if hardly ever at the same time. Point is, the FPP and the thread are two different animals, which is why I won't use "thread" to refer to the FPP. That is all. Thank you.
posted by soyjoy at 6:53 AM on August 27, 2004

also, i think the consensus is that this post is definitely worse.

...by which, of course, you mean "better."

Hell yes. That Kerry post is gold

indeed. you just can't argue with a holier-than-thou post about "Iowa Jima"
posted by matteo at 7:10 AM on August 27, 2004

Picure 4 farmers on a stalk of corn.
posted by yerfatma at 8:30 AM on August 27, 2004

Just as with the development of introspection in OOP, the turning inward of sexual violence reflects the narcissism inherent in a model-controller system. SMOOP (S&M OOP), if I may be so bold, turns these mirrors on themselves, creating feedback loops of dominance and hierarchical, multiply-inherited power-dynamics and control. So self-inflicted testicular abuse must really be seen in the broader context of the project to free distributed AI and machine-learning from their roots in - and chains to - WWII-era panopticontological classical Control Theory, and hence the long-term emancipation of self-awareness from self-conciousness, if you will.
posted by freebird at 8:30 AM on August 27, 2004

Just as with the development of introspection in OOP, the turning inward of sexual violence reflects the narcissism inherent in a model-controller system. SMOOP (S&M OOP), if I may be so bold, turns these mirrors on themselves, creating feedback loops of dominance and hierarchical, multiply-inherited power-dynamics and control. So self-inflicted testicular abuse must really be seen in the broader context of the project to free distributed AI and machine-learning from their roots in - and chains to - WWII-era panopticontological classical Control Theory, and hence the long-term emancipation of self-awareness from self-conciousness, if you will.

freebird = Michel Foucault REINCARNETED, and ALIVE on the INTERNET.
posted by Quartermass at 8:39 AM on August 27, 2004

nah, this one was even worse ... how quickly we forget
posted by pyramid termite at 8:40 AM on August 27, 2004

Not a great post, but at least it was stupid.

Wow. I just realized that's my whole philosophy of posting!
posted by Shane at 9:38 AM on August 27, 2004

I think it's time for Matt to start deleting the accounts of those people who make stupid, stupid FPPs to MeTa.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:59 AM on August 27, 2004

well, fff, odds are that everyone, once in a while, will post something dumb. for some it's called learning through experience. for others, it's a habit. i think with all the trouble matt's going through to try and allow new people in once in a while, we need something a little worse than crappy posts for him to shut someone down.

that's what all of us are for - to shame people who post stupid shit into leaving, preferably via metatalk callouts. that way matt doesn't have to bother with deleting people so often, and sometimes it helps people to see what they're doing wrong.
posted by caution live frogs at 10:08 AM on August 27, 2004

Oh, I'm not talking about those who post crappy FPPs to MeFi or AskMe: that's to be expected every once in a while.

MeTa, here in the grey, is deluged with pissant control-freaks who get their panties in a knot all about one-off dumbness. Seven days a week we have some would-be-king get hot and bothered because someone dared post a lengthy AskMe that failed to ask a question proper, or posted a MeFi that was silly or found on some common blog or other, or dared call someone stupid for being stupid.

Things that happen only once are not problems.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:58 AM on August 27, 2004

well, a post to MeTa or AskMe isn't really a FFP, since it's not on the front page.

Also, my MeTa post about the ages of mefites was my own personal train wreck.
posted by bob sarabia at 1:03 PM on August 27, 2004

MeTa, here in the grey, is deluged with pissant control-freaks who get their panties in a knot all about one-off dumbness. Seven days a week we have some would-be-king get hot and bothered because someone dared post a lengthy AskMe that failed to ask a question proper, or posted a MeFi that was silly or found on some common blog or other, or dared call someone stupid for being stupid.

Things that happen only once are not problems.

Yep! I'm with you....there's so many anal-retentives here who are probably driving examiners or whatever in their professional lives - fucking pedantic twats.

"Fuck off out of it" is my message to them.
posted by SpaceCadet at 3:04 PM on August 27, 2004

Well, there goes that point of view's credibility. Whoosh! Right out the window.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:24 PM on August 27, 2004

"a post to MeTa or AskMe isn't really a FFP"

An FPP is a front Page post.
An FFP is a fresh Fish post.

Now, what was the point I was trying to make?
posted by mischief at 3:52 PM on August 27, 2004

Well, there goes that point of view's credibility. Whoosh! Right out the window.

EB, care to elaborate?

OK, shoot me....
posted by SpaceCadet at 3:54 PM on August 27, 2004

That wasn't credibility, that was my dangly bits! I told you not to open that airlock yet! Hot damn... *shivers*
posted by loquacious at 4:20 PM on August 27, 2004

deluged with pissant control-freaks who get their panties in a knot all about one-off dumbness

and here i've been thinking that was the whole point...
posted by quonsar at 5:32 PM on August 27, 2004

You've been thinking? WTF?
posted by loquacious at 8:46 PM on August 27, 2004

Just as with the development of introspection in OOP, the turning inward of sexual violence reflects the narcissism inherent in a model-controller system.

What does any of this have to do with object-oriented programming?
posted by bingo at 6:44 AM on August 29, 2004

Because objectification and inheritance are fundamental methods of patriarchal sexism.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 10:46 AM on August 29, 2004