Database question October 22, 2001 11:45 PM   Subscribe

Are db queries sortable by Cold Fusion 5 via XML or is the default interface tweak(for NS 1.01)specific to Opera? (more)
posted by MiguelCardoso to Bugs at 11:45 PM (32 comments total)

Shhh, you guys, sorry about the red herring. I'm assembling a MetaFilter quiz I'd like to post here on MeTa. It would consist of 30 questions: 10 beginners'("what is a pancake?"), 10 intermediate("when is self-linking forgivable, if at all?")and 10 advanced(I have no idea, of course).
Ideally, apart from being fun("How Good a Mefite Are You?")it could also remind or inform us newbies about community standards. Best of both worlds and all that.

The best format would be 3 options to each question. I'll get a statistics-geek friend of mine to scale and weigh the results. So - any suggestions?

posted by MiguelCardoso at 11:57 PM on October 22, 2001

Why not a FAQ designed to tell people, rather than a quiz designed to test them? Or both ...
posted by walrus at 3:39 AM on October 23, 2001

posted by rodii at 5:44 AM on October 23, 2001


(with credit to jpoulos (if memory serves))
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:04 AM on October 23, 2001

posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:09 AM on October 23, 2001

posted by ColdChef at 6:34 AM on October 23, 2001

Well, you could definitely have some fun with the concept:

1. How long should you lurk on MeFi before posting to the main page?

(a) Exactly 168 hours.
(b) Two years.
(c) However long it takes to memorize the MeFi database and write well enough to satisfy Mo Nickels.

2. What is MetaTalk?

(a) A hangout for people who can't sleep at night.
(b) A hangout for people who could sleep at night, but would rather stay up and think about MetaFilter.
(c) A hangout for people who sleep at night, dream about Matt Haughey, and want to talk about it.

3. Who is Matt Haughey?

(a) I dunno, he's just some dude. What are you asking me for?
(b) The CEO of some Texas-based Internet services company.
(c) The secret identity of MeFi user #1 and Creater of the Known Universe, mathowie.

4. How long should you wait before alerting everyone to MiguelCardoso's disappearance from MetaFilter?

(a) 30 minutes.
(b) 31 minutes.
(c) 32 minures.

Surely someone can top me (I'm 'tepping on the brakes now).
posted by mattpfeff at 6:51 AM on October 23, 2001

5. Stavrosthewonder__________?
posted by ColdChef at 7:02 AM on October 23, 2001

6. Miguel Cardoso is to MetaFilter as Michael Jordan is to:

(a) basketball.
(b) baseball.
(c) yachting.
posted by ColdChef at 7:18 AM on October 23, 2001

7. Matt Haughey is pronounced :

a) mat' howie
b) math 'owie
c) doobee doobee doo
d) carefully.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:27 AM on October 23, 2001

8. Which of these four digit numbers makes your body tingle?

(a) 1142
(b) 9622
(c) 4350
posted by ColdChef at 7:52 AM on October 23, 2001

94. It's election time! Someone posts a thread that could be construed to be about politics. Your comment is:

a) That's the problem with those overzealous rightwingers.
b) That's the problem with those overzealous leftwingers.
c) Nader! Nader! Nader!

95. Someone has stolen the MetaFilter's design. What are you gonna do about it?

a) Send angry email using choice (and four letter) words and report back that the email has been sent.
b) Send a reasoned cease and desist email and report back that the email has been sent.
c) Stay up all night and make sure that the mob justice thread does not reach #1 on the total number of posts list.

96. There's an earthquake! What do you do?

a) Cower in a doorway.
b) Cower under your desk.
c) Type, preview, post.

97. Who is Double Post Guy?

a) many have sought him
b) duplicity's nemesis
c) front page protector
posted by iceberg273 at 7:53 AM on October 23, 2001

101. Name that MeFi member from the following quote: "*cries*"

a) Baby Jesus
b) ZippityBOT
c) Mathowie
posted by Avogadro at 10:41 AM on October 23, 2001

Making a quiz about MeFi is to MeFi as:

a. Sea Monkeys are to Brine Shrimp
b. Brown is to Nose
c. Scheduled sex is to spontaneous sex
d. Appendixes are to humans
e. A photograph of the world's most photographed barn is to the world's most photographed barn

wow, I think I entered the realm of the surreal there. It was all dark and scary and it was raining oobleck.

Garcon! Fetch me an electric screwdriver for my frog!

posted by Kafkaesque at 10:50 AM on October 23, 2001

Indicate whether the following statement is True or False:
It is possible to hold down a full time job and be a contributing member of the MeFi Community.
posted by nprigoda at 11:09 AM on October 23, 2001

Hope these helped. Let me know if you need some more!
posted by ColdChef at 8:42 PM on October 23, 2001

102. Posting to a thread that other people have long since abandoned is:

(a) funny.
(b) funny in a "crying-clown" sort of way.
(c) if a tree falls in the woods...
(d) just what we do here!
posted by ColdChef at 12:38 PM on October 24, 2001

103. Complete this haiku:

morning, day and night
can't stop previewing, posting

(a) man, i need some help
(b) just five syllables
(c) time to fix pancakes
(d) dude, my ass got fired
(e) what a waste of time
posted by ColdChef at 12:45 PM on October 24, 2001

....and eating monkeys
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:55 PM on October 24, 2001

Rule 576. Thread revivals are the future of the Internet
Rule 577. Because a thread, he be nebber dead.
Rule 578 Tho' 'tis true it can be fuct; and fuct good.
Rule 812. For lo: derailing be the debbil's work, oh yes.
Rule 932: And so it be enjoined on every man, at a certain time of the day, when dem front pagers be still a-discussin' wedder it right to smite or wrong to bong Al-Afghanistan, to put hisself forth and enquire after the Cold Chef man the almighty question:

Where be the forbidden thread tonight? That certainement a être deletée thread where which is all ze fun and where eating ze K-monkeys is not so snobbishment fuquin frowned upon - is where?

posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:15 PM on October 24, 2001

sorry, i don't speak portuguese...
posted by ColdChef at 1:19 PM on October 24, 2001

I give this one 5 minutes.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:27 PM on October 24, 2001

*Waiting for the signal*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:50 PM on October 24, 2001

*Puts on beret, goes over terrain 11783: seems ripe, camembert-like. Packs black olives. Shits himself a bit. Checks ticker, takes beta-blocker, awaits, is nervous*
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:53 PM on October 24, 2001


posted by ColdChef at 2:04 PM on October 24, 2001

Sadly, our little fun is over. I blame the narc.

But just so our levity is not completely lost: I saved my little ditty, remembered here forever for my pal, Miguel:

There once was a dude named Miguel
Though Portuguese, his English was swell
He spent all the day
Just a-typin' away
On MeFi, but not his nov-el

posted by ColdChef at 7:44 AM on October 25, 2001

I'm glad that's here for posterity, ColdChef. But if you want to know what the BASTARDS AT GOOGLE did to my German publisher's press release check out my link at the bottom of the Oprah thread.

Plus, someone keeps hacking my user profile... ;-(

Do something, ColdChef!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:03 AM on October 25, 2001

Wow. That's pretty bad. or should I say "That in being, being is so not to be as good as not."

But, the cover is fantastic. Wow. All the covers on that page are fantastic. Did you get some say in the cover?

I have a friend who's novel came out this spring, and a constant topic of conversation is how we can slip a copy to The Oprah.

Is there going to be an English translation?
posted by ColdChef at 8:29 AM on October 25, 2001

I have a very good agent in London but he won't settle for anything less than making me a billionaire, so he keeps rejecting humbler offers. It's been so long now I suspect he's waiting for me to die first.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:00 AM on October 25, 2001

What do they mean when they call you a "cult writer?"

And, is this a cult I can join? I wouldn't have to fuck a goat or anything would I?

(I mean, if I had to, I would)

posted by ColdChef at 9:22 AM on October 25, 2001

Well, ColdChef, I hate to tell you this but you would have to be there for me, if you get my gist.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 10:26 AM on October 25, 2001

I suspect he's waiting for me to die first.

There's a beautiful line in a song Richard Thompson did (with some other blokes -- Fred Frith and John French and Henry Kaiser) about a musician whose records finally start to sell after he dies:

"Now that I'm dead, I can finally make a living."
posted by mattpfeff at 11:25 AM on October 25, 2001

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