Metafilter in novel form November 7, 2001 9:51 AM   Subscribe

"MetaFilter," he repeated testily. The truth was he hated his own site. An unruly beast broken free of its chains and now whipped about by an unruly mob intent on banishing Salon links and killing anyone linking directly to a rich media presentation without due warning. I had stopped going months ago before it became trendy and horribly chic - or before Haughey's magazine spread appeared on the stands, replete with his naked, supine form in the centerfold, scars and all.
posted by solistrato to MetaFilter-Related at 9:51 AM (28 comments total)

That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time.
posted by mrbula at 10:08 AM on November 7, 2001

i loved kottke's phone call.
posted by moz at 10:28 AM on November 7, 2001

by the way, solistrato, i know all your tricks.
posted by moz at 10:42 AM on November 7, 2001

Ahahahahahahaha! If that's the opening to his NaNoWriMo, I'd read all 50,000 words.

P.S. What's with all the "404, yo"s today?
posted by realjanetkagan at 11:02 AM on November 7, 2001

sorry, janet; people's url's are being mangled by metafilter sometime after the code is previewed but before it's posted.
posted by moz at 11:06 AM on November 7, 2001

You can't stop me. I'm invincible! *shake fist to heavens, thunder rolls*
posted by solistrato at 11:45 AM on November 7, 2001

First, I got it. Then, I didn't get it. Now, I don't care.
posted by iceberg273 at 11:50 AM on November 7, 2001

I haven't visited GlassDog in months--I just can't stand that damn floating menu.
posted by jpoulos at 12:28 PM on November 7, 2001

love the floating menu, hate the drake
posted by machaus at 12:41 PM on November 7, 2001

Oh shit, did I just prove #3?
posted by jpoulos at 12:47 PM on November 7, 2001

It seems that Leslie and Bryan are playing as well. Storytime!
posted by eckeric at 2:35 PM on November 7, 2001

And Sippey. And ... mmpphmmp! mmphphpmmmph!
posted by gleuschk at 2:45 PM on November 7, 2001

can i be cool too?
posted by moz at 2:46 PM on November 7, 2001 this related to the old Reality? Does anyone else remember that?
posted by moss at 4:37 PM on November 7, 2001

If a group of so-called A-Listers carries out an exclusive, secret plot to simultaneously post parodies of their so-called A-Listness, does the secretive, exclusive nature of the project outweigh the self-parody and prove all objections to the existence of the A-List false? Or does the parody just show that these secretive, plotting people are just like you and me except more secretive and plotting? But more importantly, how old is that lo-mien in the fridge and is it still safe to eat?
posted by jennyb at 5:59 PM on November 7, 2001

I dunno about that, but I was royally turned on by that description of Matt.

Am I wrong here or what? Hottt.
posted by perplexed at 6:08 PM on November 7, 2001

who are these people again?
posted by Hackworth at 6:50 PM on November 7, 2001

Uh guys, all that stuff really happened.
posted by fooljay at 12:19 AM on November 8, 2001

can i be cool too?

Donate enough and you too can be an a-lister. It's based on the Scientology model, you know. Travolta's been trying to get in for years.

Five foot legs, how do you find trousers to fit Matt?
posted by Markb at 5:34 AM on November 8, 2001

Why does everyone call it the 'A-list'?

I mean, that implies there is a B-list if you don't just say 'The List'.

And who's on the B-list?

I mean, if I don't make at least the b-list, then that just may crush me.

posted by rich at 7:19 PM on November 8, 2001

Why does everyone call it the 'A-list'?

And why does anyone care that some people call some other people "A-listers"? There wouldn't be any A-list if people didn't say there was (and other people didn't agree); there'd just be a group of people, interested in much the same stuff, some of them quite talented, and many of them friends.
posted by mattpfeff at 8:22 PM on November 8, 2001

There is no cabal. No wife, no horse, no moustache. No kidding. No chance. No heaven, no easter bunny, no redemption, no way I'm gonna lose those extra 10 kilos. No liver no onions, no letter of recommendation. No a-list, no b-list, no warp, no wEFT. No lemur, no coconuts, no fucking coffee in the pot. No butler, no nurse, not nearly enough oral sex, no water in the pool, no water in the tub, no water in the pool, and only a freaking lizard in the bidet. No Lance, no horn, no honking, no godzilla or gamera either. No matt, no howie, a whole lotta nothing. No chicken, no wonders, no freaking end to this post. No cocaine, no hookers, no champagne, and no goddamn limo, again.

I think there might be a good chance of rain, though.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:44 AM on November 9, 2001

stavrosthewonderchicken: gamera friend to all children!
posted by moss at 10:50 AM on November 9, 2001


There IS a cabal.

Silly person, you.
posted by rich at 8:37 PM on November 9, 2001

iceberg273: "First, I got it. Then, I didn't get it. Now, I don't care."

There is a clique. Actually there's a lot of cliques. I used to belong to some of them. If I belong to any of them anymore, it's news to me. I never belonged to the clique though, not for a lack of trying. Insatiably pathetic begging would be a kind way to describe it. In hindsight that was for the best. Shleprock or Eyeore were the best I could have mustered.

There's one in particular that some call "A-List" and some call... other things. A group of talented people that other people admire, envy or loathe. Some turn such feelings into bitterness and insulting behavior. Some become something akin to cyber autograph hounds, paparazzi, or downright stalkers. Hopefully, most simply appreciate the gifts of their talents, and what they have to say, and think nothing more of it.

Some wish they could be a part of it. Whatever it is that they are. Some are misguided. Some are cruel. Some are oblivious. It's actually quite a spectacle, in a subtle way.

It must be frustrating. To receive more attention than one finds comforting, yet not enough to... Well no one wakes up one morning to be acknowledged. It is not something one accomplishes on purpose, at least not when it's real. Some in Hollywood were able to buy themselves into stardom. The ones with staying power, worked their way to their positions. I think the same can be said for those lofty yet reluctant individuals in this curious cybernetic web celebrity status that is either ignored, adored, or loathed... depends on who you talk to. However, it has never been and perhaps never will be properly understood. By the time someone tried to understand it, it already became passe. It's not possible to take it seriously without people thinking you're crazy.

And I think whether it's welcome or not by those on the "A-list" I hope that the majority of those who have placed these people up on a pedestal did so with good intentions in mind. It is done by one's worth, and measured by strangers. Some fall short. Some get more than they bargained for. No one ever seems satisfied. It's frustrating when you're not chosen. It's frustrating when you are. I mean, what's the big deal? In some ways there is none. In others, it's a bigger deal than anyone can truly measure.

And those on the A-List? Some respond graciously. Some take it with a grain of salt and respond accordingly. Some grow bitter. Some ignore it entirely. Pretend it's not there. Each person rises to the challenge, according to one's gifts. If ever Jason Kottke finds himself on the Conan O'Brien show, we will know that it has finally arrived.

A laugh. A smile. A moment's relief from their daily grind. Does anyone truly ask for more than that from people like Matt or Lance? Well, some ask for too much. Some ask for nothing. Like I said, it's measured by strangers. Some ask for more or less than they deserve and some see more or less than what is there. Is there a cabal? Is there a conspiracy? What do you want the answer to be? And what truly is the answer?

Perhaps that more than anything is what makes this silliness all the more fascinating, and what draws Lance toward the inspiration to conjure up what he does. I think it's great. I think I once thought I understood it but never did. Then I thought I never understood it and I was wrong.

Do I care? Does it matter? Is the question of apathy or vicarious empathy more important than questions like what's for dinner? What do you think? What have you found? What's up with you? Who am I? What is your story? What are you looking at? What matters more than anything? What is possible?

The gifts presented by some people to this silly construct called the 'Net are quite precious and rare. Ideas both simple and complex, given light and substance in ones and zeroes. Should we do any more than say thank you? Is that too much?

rich: "I mean, if I don't make at least the b-list, then that just may crush me."

I made the C-List. Because I see. Anything more than that is icing on the cake. I can take it or leave it.

Your A-List may differ from mine. I think those who made my personal A-List deserve it. Whether they accept it as a gift, ridicule my opinion, or ignore me entirely, it's all gravy. At one time I thought it meat and potatoes to make them smile or tear up or be thankful of me in return. Somehow return the favor. That led to... misunderstandings. I was wrong. I should have just accepted their gifts graciously and thought nothing more of it.

So. Thank you.
posted by ZachsMind at 11:21 PM on November 9, 2001

I just had to get the last word in.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:21 AM on November 10, 2001

no ya don't, stavros!

I had a dream last night that a bunch of us mefi'ers were riding around downtown tacoma in a bus, looking for something (a party, I think) and mathowie was sitting in the seat in front of me, but I couldn't see his whole face, only that angle like the pic on his web site. and then I woke up.

I've never been on any list, never felt comfortable with the popular kids, the artsy kids, the geeky kids. I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, so that even my friends wince.

yeah, or something.
posted by epersonae at 11:34 AM on November 10, 2001

Strange, I just found this in my referrer logs today:

posted by fooljay at 3:46 PM on November 10, 2001

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