Lord knows we're just trying to help December 14, 2006 4:50 PM   Subscribe

Why so defensive, sequential? Lord knows we're just trying to help, but you're making it kinda difficult.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero to MetaFilter-Related at 4:50 PM (79 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

I mean really- it's tough for us to hold our tongues when you post these questions again and again where your fiance is the "bad" guy and you are the "good" guy. And then you lash out when anyone tries to question you. I'm hoping that you're just a troll and not real, because, EESH!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:52 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]


You couldn't have sent me an email?
posted by sequential at 5:00 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]


Who cares?
posted by smackfu at 5:00 PM on December 14, 2006


I mean, it's pretty easy to pass up sequential's posts since you seem to have an issue. Would it make your life better if sequential just stopped asking questions?
posted by smackfu at 5:04 PM on December 14, 2006


*farts*
posted by jonmc at 5:04 PM on December 14, 2006


"Who cares?"
posted by smackfu at 11:00 AM AEST on December 15

Right on.
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:06 PM on December 14, 2006


Give the guy a break. He's engaged to a psychopath.
posted by cillit bang at 5:08 PM on December 14, 2006 [6 favorites]


I LOVE that the first response is "dump her." Ah AskMe, how I love thee, you are so predictable. (I didn't even read the rest of the thread - just wanted to share.)
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:12 PM on December 14, 2006


If the future Mrs sequential ever finds this, he is SO busted.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 5:22 PM on December 14, 2006


Give the guy a break. He's engaged to a psychopath.
when it comes to questions about relationships, ask.me is a dumping ground for those who like to hear themselves talk and have a desire to share their relationship horror stories with everyone they meet. it's like the friend who always nods and you can ignore the answers that you disagree with.

my bet is that both sequential and his fiancee have communication problems. and both will ignore any good advice and keep being passive aggressive about their differences....and....they club baby seals.
posted by Stynxno at 5:22 PM on December 14, 2006

If the future Mrs sequential ever finds this, he is SO busted.
Actually, we're celebrating my first call out, even if it is lame. Now, who wants some wine?
posted by sequential at 5:27 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]


Actually, we're celebrating my first call out, even if it is lame. Now, who wants some wine?

May I suggest a MeriTage?
posted by brain_drain at 5:31 PM on December 14, 2006


*farts some more*
posted by jonmc at 5:32 PM on December 14, 2006

May I suggest a MeriTage?
Thanks for the suggestion. It sounds delicious. Would someone mind flaming out for me while I run to the liquor store?
posted by sequential at 5:35 PM on December 14, 2006


Having anonymously asked a relationship question at ask me, I was surprised at how hurt I felt at the way my relationship was (mis)interpreted. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to moderate the responses (especially the really stupid ones). And yet, I also learnt a lot, some of which didn't sink in for days.

So yeah, what Stynxno said.
posted by b33j at 5:36 PM on December 14, 2006


it's tough for us to hold our tongues...

Try harder.
posted by cribcage at 5:36 PM on December 14, 2006


*sniffs air*

What's that smell?

*sees jonmc*

Nice man, way to stink up the place.

*lights match*
posted by quin at 5:39 PM on December 14, 2006


*burns fingers*

Damnit!
posted by quin at 5:40 PM on December 14, 2006


I LOVE that the first response is "dump her." Ah AskMe, how I love thee, you are so predictable.

In my own defence, it was not an automatic reaction to someone else's relationship problem - it really sounds like his fiancee is pathologically spendthrift and he's letting himself be taken for a ride. I mean, the guy dropped out of college because she won't pay her share of the bills. I think this advice pops up so often on AskMe because so many people asking for relationship advice on Ask do it because (if you'll pardon a gross overgeneralization) they're the sorts of people who need the internet to tell them when they should end a relationship.
posted by Dasein at 5:44 PM on December 14, 2006


Well, I think Sequential is remarkably reasonable.
posted by Methylviolet at 5:46 PM on December 14, 2006


If you can't take the heat, stay out of AskMeFi.

Gentle, we ain't.

*hands jonmc some Beano*
posted by konolia at 5:46 PM on December 14, 2006


With this answer, I'd say TPS has a point. People are saying "break up" and "get outside help" because the problem seems to demand it to them.
posted by dame at 5:49 PM on December 14, 2006


It's inevitable with relationship AskMe. We will never hear about all the wonderful aspects of the future Mrs Sequential, and of necessity even a lengthy description can't capture what may be essential nuances.

But ThePinkSuperhero has a point - one can't help leaping to conclusions given that series of questions, even if they are rash ones.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 5:51 PM on December 14, 2006


sequential: based on what you've written, it would appear that your life would be a lot better with someone else. I mean you dropped out of school to support your finance's plastic surgery dreams? Come on.
posted by delmoi at 5:59 PM on December 14, 2006


Sorry. Mexican for dinner.

*burps*
posted by jonmc at 6:01 PM on December 14, 2006


So what you are saying jon, is that you think he should kill her? That's harsh.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 6:05 PM on December 14, 2006


No, I just felt like farting.

also:

Recently, she began working in a salon with straight male co-workers and clients.


There are straight men who work in salons? I'd hate to see the haircuts coming out of that joint.
posted by jonmc at 6:07 PM on December 14, 2006


You've apparently never been to a barber shop, which is sad.
posted by cribcage at 6:13 PM on December 14, 2006


I cry myself to sleep over the businesses I've never seen.
posted by smackfu at 6:22 PM on December 14, 2006


You've apparently never been to a barber shop, which is sad.

Dude, this me. I only go to barber shops, but I stopped cutting my hair six months ago. It's fun being furry and grungy again. I'm starting to look like Dave Grohl with a hangover.
posted by jonmc at 6:30 PM on December 14, 2006


Part of the problem is that it's hard to sum up an entire relationship in a few paragraphs. So people often sound like they're dating a psycho or are one themselves. "Dropping outta college to cover our mounting debt while the financee fiddles" sounds bad, hence the response from people.

But they're not in financial distress, they're just not hitting all their (or sequential's) financial benchmarks, so he's getting worried. That's a different story than what was assumed by most.

It would be cool if people would stop using the 'net as a way to feel superior to others, but we're only human. I bet the dolphins would never do something like this.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:35 PM on December 14, 2006

I mean you dropped out of school to support your finance's plastic surgery dreams?
No, and that's a silly conclusion. I finished my last semester in May. She decided she wanted plastic surgery in November. As a result of the question, she has decided against it.
one can't help leaping to conclusions given that series of questions
You'd have to be following my AskMe questions for eight months to jump to these conclusions so easily. The events I asked about in the flirting question happened in January. It was an idle question by the time I asked in April, but it actually helped me find a way to talk to her about it in a productive manner. As a result, it has become a non-issue.

We've discussed the latest question and have decided to figure out a budget and financial plan based on the percentage method described in the most recent question. Whether it will help with the larger issue, I don't know, but I'll happily air my dirty laundry for your entertainment if I have anything significant to share in the future.

ThePinkSuperhero, what is it exacltly that I am writing that you are perceiving call out worthy here? That I'm a bad writer? That I share details that seem important to me at the time I write the question or answer that turn out to be completely useless in helping me get the answer I seek? That I edit my questions badly? That I'm too wordy? Out with it, since it appears you're not going to send an email to discuss your gripes with me privately.
posted by sequential at 6:35 PM on December 14, 2006

"Dropping outta college to cover our mounting debt while the financee fiddles" sounds bad, hence the response from people.
What's your source for that quote, because it doesn't even remotely resemble what I stated:
As a result of this problem, I've dropped out of college to pursue more clients to stem the tide of debt that we started to accumulate. 1
posted by sequential at 6:38 PM on December 14, 2006


Sorry. Mexican for dinner.

I hope you killed him or her in such a way as to minimize the suffering.

Much like I hope Matt and Jessamyn would kill relationship questions at Ask Metafilter. Badump-tish.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:49 PM on December 14, 2006


dude, he paraphrased and interpreted, and he's right on.

"my fiancee promised to do this budgeting thing, but instead she spends all her money like it was discretionary, and i had to drop out of school to make more money to support this whole fucked up set-up."

paraphrasing, of course.
posted by tristeza at 6:51 PM on December 14, 2006


The larger the scope of a relationship question, the greater the difficulty AskMe will always have in providing a wise answer on the basis of limited information. And given that in the U.S. more than 50% of marriages and LTRs dissolve permanently, heading disasters off at the pass may not be at all pessimisstic.

But those who come with specific questions about limited relationship or human relations issues often get pretty good advice. Peruse the answers to recent questions in human relations and see if you don't agree.
posted by paulsc at 6:52 PM on December 14, 2006


I have to say, tho, as much as sequential is kinda bugging me with his righteousness, he's said several times that both he and his fiancee have actually really heard and taken to heart a lot of the advice they've received not only in this thread, but others. that's pretty cool. i'm glad that people can get true benefit from askme.
posted by tristeza at 6:58 PM on December 14, 2006



I have to say, tho, as much as sequential is kinda bugging me with his righteousness, he's said several times that both he and his fiancee have actually really heard and taken to heart a lot of the advice they've received not only in this thread, but others. that's pretty cool.


No, that's frightening. People making life decisions based on what a bunch of drunken geeks is not good policy. Smart people turn to their bartenders.
posted by jonmc at 7:04 PM on December 14, 2006


a bunch of drunken geeks

We're not all drunk.
posted by amro at 7:09 PM on December 14, 2006


It's early on the west coast, I guess.
posted by jonmc at 7:09 PM on December 14, 2006


Smart people turn to their bartenders

And/or their straight stylist.
posted by dorisfromregopark at 7:10 PM on December 14, 2006


You couldn't have sent me an email?

Where is the busy-body public-scolding fun in that?
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 7:11 PM on December 14, 2006


And then you lash out when anyone tries to question you. I'm hoping that you're just a troll and not real, because, EESH!

I'm sorry, I just don't see any "lashing out" in either the "Why" or "defensive" links, and certainly no trolling. What are we supposed to be fixing here?
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 7:14 PM on December 14, 2006


What's your source for that quote, because it doesn't even remotely resemble what I stated:

I know. I was offering an interperation of how it might have sounded, hence people coming down hard on you/the relationship/your main squeeze.

In short, the situation, which lead up to this call out, is miscommunication.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:20 PM on December 14, 2006


Sequential, I'm glad you're going to work on a budget together. If I can help, shoot me an e-mail.
posted by Alt F4 at 7:21 PM on December 14, 2006


And/or their straight stylist.

No. Bartenders are more reliable. and they bring you beer.
posted by jonmc at 7:41 PM on December 14, 2006


Yeah, email Alt F4! And also use his cool Excel template thingy Pear Budget!

-- A Satisfied Customer
posted by librarina at 7:50 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]


my hair is getting shaggy. briefly considered letting it grow long again but i think tomorrow i will go get it cut. discuss.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 7:52 PM on December 14, 2006


naw, man. let it grow. we'll go out and shock the squares together. then we'll go get ovaltine.
posted by jonmc at 7:53 PM on December 14, 2006


*Flames out on behalf of Sequential*

*waits for wine*

*taps foot*
posted by SassHat at 7:56 PM on December 14, 2006


I say if you have nice hair let it grooowwwwwww!
posted by deborah at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006


Sequential, sometimes this is not a serious site. Now would be one of those times.
posted by konolia at 8:00 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]


I say if you have nice hair let it grooowwwwwww!

what if you have bad hair? It never stopped me, but for people who are into looking presentable and all that shit?
posted by jonmc at 8:05 PM on December 14, 2006


What Stynxno said and what smackfu didn't give a shit about.

And I am not drunk, but have discovered an awesome new beverage I like to call Coca-Nog.
Or Egg-Cola.
Or Nature's Goodness.
Why are my eyes shaking?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:09 PM on December 14, 2006


My hair is TOO nice. When women tell you they wish they had your hair, that's just disturbing. Unless you are Sam Malone. I am not. Plus it kinda turns into an afro looking thing until it is long enough that the weight just makes it kinky instead of curled up like a pile of barbed wire. Which means doing something to it every time I go anywhere so I do not look like a late 70s porn actor.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:24 PM on December 14, 2006


My dad was a total hippie in the 60s and early 70s and grew his hair out. Only it never grew out straight and smooth, it grew out long and gorgeous and thick and golden golden, like he ripped the scalp off of a princess in a storybook. One time a guy honked him off the road, and when he stopped the guy jumped out of his car, punched my dad in the face, and drove off. He reckons the guy didn't like men with long hair.
posted by schroedinger at 8:48 PM on December 14, 2006

Sequential, sometimes this is not a serious site. Now would be one of those times.
For reasons I don't quite fathom, your saying so made me feel a bit better. Thank you.
posted by sequential at 8:52 PM on December 14, 2006


What's your source for that quote, because it doesn't even remotely resemble what I stated:

As a result of this problem, I've dropped out of college to pursue more clients to stem the tide of debt that we started to accumulate.


A large portion of the advice in that thread can be summed up by saying that if you look at this quote from the eyes of someone (maybe almost anyone) who's not close to the relationship, it exactly means (a) you're in denial about the issue to some greater or lesser extent, so are rationalizing it in some weird way involving "proactivity", (b) your fiancee is the direct cause of you dropping out of college, and (c) she isn't bothered by that in any real sense (i.e. she's not willing to do what is necessary to allow you to go back). Which is more or less what Brandon Bletcher said.
posted by advil at 9:05 PM on December 14, 2006


I LOVE that the first response is "dump her."

For $5 lifetime, you expect *nuance* with your therapy?
posted by meehawl at 9:29 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]

A large portion of the advice in that thread can be summed up by saying that if you look at this quote from the eyes of someone (maybe almost anyone) who's not close to the relationship
I had to check my own writing to be certain I hadn't written something even more ridiculous than I had actually written. I'm okay with being paraphrased, but I'm was not okay with the paraphrasing not even remotely resembling reality. I tried to salvage the question from my own error, but it is now clear to me that there wasn't an effective means for me to do so.

I'm glad I stuck it out, though, because once again AskMe got the ball rolling in what appears to be the right direction. It is, however, still beyond me why this got hauled into MeTa, though.
posted by sequential at 10:06 PM on December 14, 2006


weretable and the undead chairs: "When women tell you they wish they had your hair, that's just disturbing. Unless you are Sam Malone."

What if you're Moses Malone?
posted by kcm at 10:31 PM on December 14, 2006


Or Karl Malone for that matter?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:08 PM on December 14, 2006


"It is, however, still beyond me why this got hauled into MeTa, though."

Somewhere else, shortly before making this post, TPS wrote:

"...all I want to do is post someone's posting history and be like, Hi, can we please all look at this person and laugh at how stupid they are?"
posted by thatwhichfalls at 11:33 PM on December 14, 2006


People making life decisions based on what a bunch of drunken geeks is not good policy.

I'm in Utah. This sometimes presents other problems, like Karl Malone, and #3, but I am usually sober.
posted by weston at 11:48 PM on December 14, 2006


Much like I hope Matt and Jessamyn would kill relationship questions at Ask Metafilter. Badump-tish.
Amen to that. As for the call out, it could also be phrased as: Micromanaging your own thread leads to snark.
posted by lilithim at 2:00 AM on December 15, 2006


Not to be a dick or anything, but I, too, am having difficulty seeing the problem with sequential's answers as linked in the thread.

on preview: i just found the "someplace else" that thatwhichfalls mentioned. Now I'm kinda depressed for a bunch of reasons. I don't want to link it here, but this thread is fucked up and I hate it.
posted by shmegegge at 2:25 AM on December 15, 2006


also, can one of the mods please close this if not outright delete it? it's not what meta is for, and it's just a shitty shitty thing to have on the site.
posted by shmegegge at 2:36 AM on December 15, 2006


both he and his fiancee have actually really heard and taken to heart a lot of the advice they've received not only in this thread, but others. that's pretty cool.

Yeah, I'm pretty impressed with sequential. This is a crappy callout, but I'm glad I learned that he and his gal have made good use of the threads. Well done, and thanks for taking it so well.
posted by languagehat at 6:53 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]


I think we all learned a little something here.
*Walks arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm into the sunset*
posted by Floydd at 7:01 AM on December 15, 2006


my hair is getting shaggy. briefly considered letting it grow long again but i think tomorrow i will go get it cut. discuss.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 9:52 PM CST


I'm told that Okies from Muskogee don't let their hair grow long and shaggy, but the hippies out in San Francisco do. So choose your side, I guess.
posted by COBRA! at 7:08 AM on December 15, 2006


It's been six years since I've been to a barber or stylist (straight or otherwise). I've gotten occasional trims, from my wife, daughter, and even myself, but I haven't paid anyone to cut my hair for a long time. I'm way cool.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:29 AM on December 15, 2006


can one of the mods please close this if not outright delete it? it's not what meta is for, and it's just a shitty shitty thing to have on the site.

Yeah I think this isn't really doing anything useful.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:35 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]


Hums a snappier version of Pavement's "Cut Your Hair."
posted by drezdn at 8:55 AM on December 15, 2006


You'd have to be following my AskMe questions for eight months to jump to these conclusions so easily. The events I asked about in the flirting question happened in January. It was an idle question by the time I asked in April, but it actually helped me find a way to talk to her about it in a productive manner. As a result, it has become a non-issue.

Okay, well next time she does something nice, be sure to post about it on askme about it. (i.e. "My fiance gave me her kidney, how can I show her my appreciation?!") so we can all keep tabs.
posted by delmoi at 9:13 AM on December 15, 2006


on preview: i just found the "someplace else" that thatwhichfalls mentioned. Now I'm kinda depressed for a bunch of reasons. I don't want to link it here, but this thread is fucked up and I hate it.

Hmm, me too. Really puts the thread in a diffrent light. Obviously people will look bad if you pull a bunch of stuff out of context.
posted by delmoi at 9:16 AM on December 15, 2006


Um, so where is this "someplace else"?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:44 AM on December 15, 2006


Yeah, could somebody with fewer qualms than shmegegge please link to it already? Just to avoid the whole cabal vibe.
posted by languagehat at 9:52 AM on December 15, 2006


it's not a cabal thing so much as it's a "i hate site wars" thing. tps's obnoxiousness is not representative of where else she posts, but might be seen that way.
posted by shmegegge at 9:57 AM on December 15, 2006


I just saw the thread that inspired this and I have to say I lost some respect for you TPS. People complain that Mefi and MetaTalk are too caustic, and you purposely make a post to mock someone for shits and giggles and how exactly is that making this a nicer place?
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:12 AM on December 15, 2006


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