The fish is in the pants December 18, 2006 2:56 PM   Subscribe

quonsar is consistently a fucking idiot. This call-out will no doubt give him a hard on, but the free pass to troll is really baffling.
posted by four panels to Etiquette/Policy at 2:56 PM (181 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Just ignore him. Let the Cabal handle their own.
posted by RussHy at 3:03 PM on December 18, 2006


You're absolutely right, if by "a fucking idiot" you mean "fucking awesome."
posted by mullingitover at 3:04 PM on December 18, 2006 [2 favorites]


But he's consistent. That's all they really want around here.
posted by chrismear at 3:07 PM on December 18, 2006


Well, that first one is as good an answer as any of the others in that question...
posted by muddgirl at 3:07 PM on December 18, 2006


This is lol
posted by thirteenkiller at 3:11 PM on December 18, 2006


I thought the troll passes were $37.50?
posted by goml at 3:13 PM on December 18, 2006


I got a hard on.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:14 PM on December 18, 2006


Heh. I had to bite my fingers to keep from snarking all over that "My boy once ate soy, is he a homo?" question.
posted by klangklangston at 3:14 PM on December 18, 2006


I'm pretty sure that quonsar bought a lifetime membership to MetaFilter way back when MeFi was first starting out and Matt needed more members. And Matt's too nice a guy to go back on a promise. We're all stuck with him, for better or worse.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 3:14 PM on December 18, 2006


Comment #3 is deleted chatfilter. And what you say in chatfilter, stays in chatfilter.

quonsar's comment in the second link seems just as serious and appropriate as the comment directly beneath it from...you guessed it, four panels!
posted by mullacc at 3:15 PM on December 18, 2006 [2 favorites]


but the free pass to troll is really baffling.
posted by four panels to etiquette/policy at 4:56 PM CST


Another misuse of the word troll. Trolling is different than snarking and adding noise, which q may be doing in some of those questions. Trolling is different and is too often confused with "person X said something I don't appreciate."
posted by dios at 3:15 PM on December 18, 2006


For the n00bs, of course my comment was a joke. Everyone knows quonsar owns the MeFi server, and that's why he's still around.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 3:18 PM on December 18, 2006


If quonsar is a troll, then we need more like him. You, on the other hand, seem to have a habit of needlessly calling out good people. What the fuck, buddy? Does somebody need to get laid?
posted by koeselitz at 3:20 PM on December 18, 2006


Acceptable answers for Um, well, DUH...Filter questions.
posted by y2karl at 3:21 PM on December 18, 2006


quonsar's comment in the second link seems just as serious and appropriate as the comment directly beneath it from...you guessed it, four panels!

Hahahaha!

I don't really subscribe to the Cult of Quansar but his comments are:

1) almost always very short
2) almost always very short
3) sometimes really funny or even insightful
4) sometimes really bitchy and needless

This puts him pretty much in the norm, but the first two points are worth a LOT.
posted by freebird at 3:22 PM on December 18, 2006


Calling the Whaaaaaaaaaaambulance...
posted by exlotuseater at 3:23 PM on December 18, 2006 [3 favorites]


Think of him as the Otis Campbell to mathowie's Sheriff Taylor. Then sit back and enjoy some good, wholesome American family entertainment.
posted by gigawhat? at 3:23 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


If loving quonsar is wrong, I don't want to be right.
posted by scody at 3:29 PM on December 18, 2006 [9 favorites]


quonsar is consistently a fucking idiot. This call-out will no doubt give him a hard on, but the free pass to troll is really baffling.

Everyone has a free pass to be a snarky, one-liner jokester, if they want on the blue.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:31 PM on December 18, 2006


Calling the Whaaaaaaaaaaambulance...

*dials 9 Whine Whine*
posted by YoBananaBoy at 3:34 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


I saw a t-shirt a while back that said "I'm an internet troll."

It had a big picture of a troll with a club. Like an under-the-bridge troll. It annoyed me far more than it should have. It should have had a a guy sitting in his office chair with one of those brown fishing hats covered with lures and a rod and reel in his hand and an exclamation that said "I got me one!" Or something similar. I'd wear one of those shirts just for the strange looks.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 3:40 PM on December 18, 2006


*gently tugs, lets out a little slack*
posted by quonsar at 3:42 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Essentially, the majority of this troll's comments can be translated to the effect of "bag of dicks!"
posted by four panels at 3:45 PM on December 18, 2006


go read usenet until you learn what a troll is.
posted by quonsar at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2006


you may wanna remove that hook from your mouth first.
posted by quonsar at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2006


I'm pretty sure it's 'bucket of cocks.'
posted by fixedgear at 3:49 PM on December 18, 2006


What books define your generation?
Bag of dicks!

How do I propose to the girl I love?
Bag of dicks!

ad fucking nauseum.
posted by four panels at 3:50 PM on December 18, 2006


flag it and move on, or get a room, your choice.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:50 PM on December 18, 2006 [6 favorites]


See, four panels, what you're missing here is: quonsar is generally right. And lots of people whinge and cry about his tactics, but the problem with all their whinging is: this is only the internet. Nobody's getting hurt. And if somebody makes a sarcastic joke at the expense of self-righteousness, self-obsession, and general stupidity, it's a good thing.

Calm down and relax. Or, fuck off. Take your pick. But try not to be so offended by the internet.
posted by koeselitz at 3:51 PM on December 18, 2006


quonsar's comment in the second link seems just as serious and appropriate as the comment directly beneath it from...you guessed it, four panels!

I still think this observation deserves a response.
posted by vacapinta at 3:52 PM on December 18, 2006


If you cloned four panels a dozen times and put the lot of them in a paper sack, what would you have?
Bag of dicks!
posted by koeselitz at 3:53 PM on December 18, 2006


four panels, I gotta admit that I laughed when you said "bag of dicks" just now.
posted by Partial Law at 3:56 PM on December 18, 2006


jessamyn wins. And not just because she's an admin, either.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:57 PM on December 18, 2006


God, a flameout would be AWESOME right now.
posted by exlotuseater at 3:57 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Quonsar's not a troll; he's just a noisemaker. Like a firecracker. Or that ventilation unit over the next office that hits that certain tone every so often. The one that makes you wince. Or that guy on the bus who mutters to himself and then cackles occasionally, sending up the hairs on the back of your neck.

But not a troll; not by any useful definition.

Flag him as noise, if you must, and move on.
posted by solid-one-love at 4:00 PM on December 18, 2006


warm up the languagehat-signal.
posted by boo_radley at 4:02 PM on December 18, 2006


Quonsar is Metafilter's relative with a brain injury that families used to have to keep locked in a room.

Mathowie, rather humanely, allows him the run of the house. Mostly he just sits at the end of the couch drooling, chortling to himself and picking his nose, but occasionally he will haul off and smack a visitor and cackle, as he did in 'consistently.'

Mathowie may have to do something as Q. deteriorates, but mathowie is a large-hearted paterfamilias, and that is probably going to take quite a while.
posted by jamjam at 4:03 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


...the free pass to troll ...
That word you used? it doesn't mean what you think it means
posted by dg at 4:04 PM on December 18, 2006


Yes. What this thread is insults wherein the insulted person is likened to the mentally handicapped.
posted by koeselitz at 4:06 PM on December 18, 2006


Keh?
posted by dg at 4:10 PM on December 18, 2006


You ever seen that page about how "Christ, what an asshole" is always the answer to the New Yorker caption contest, no matter what the picture is?

I think it's also always the answer to a MeTa callout thread. One way or 'tother.
posted by rkent at 4:17 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Christ, what an asshole.
posted by LarryC at 4:19 PM on December 18, 2006


Bag of dicks!
posted by thirteenkiller at 4:21 PM on December 18, 2006


Mathowie may have to do something as Q. deteriorates

Two things:

* I'm pretty sure it's "q" not "Q," or "quonsar" or, if you know him well enough, "quonsy"
* Deteriorates? quonsar is one of MetaFilter's most consistent contributors. He isn't going downhill or uphill. He's... well... he's quonsar. He's been that way as long as I can remember. And as for the idea that he's tolerated, that's bullshit. I genuinely like the guy.

And, what koeselitz said.
posted by eyeballkid at 4:21 PM on December 18, 2006


And if somebody makes a sarcastic joke...it's a good thing.

Except in AskMe, which is what Four Panels is objecting to.

I like Quonsar. But if those comments had been posted by anyone else, everybody would be chanting, "BANHAMMER!"

In other words: "Yes, MetaFilter is a clique."
posted by cribcage at 4:24 PM on December 18, 2006


quonsar is the fish in pants guy (when he is not wearing a smock), but I don't think he's the bucket of cocks guy. I could be wrong, but I think jammer might have been the first one to swing the bucket of cocks and people just seemed smitten by the imagery. Tons of mefites have since brought out the bucket of cocks when they want to make a point.
posted by madamjujujive at 4:25 PM on December 18, 2006


Quonsar is that little devil on my shoulder. For that I'm grateful since I'm too big of a pussy to say half the shit he says. This interview excerpt says it better than I can:

Tom Waits: I used to play in those places with Zappa, years ago. He played all over Canada, and I was the opening act.

Interviewer: Was that in ‘75, ‘76?

Tom Waits: ‘74, ‘75, yeah. He was using me as a rectal thermometer for the audience.


Quonsar is our rectal thermometer.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:27 PM on December 18, 2006


quonsar is more of a party clown than a troll. There are trolls on metafilter, but he's not one of them.

As for the flameout...relive the glory days of the img tag-fueled flameout.
posted by mullingitover at 4:27 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Except in AskMe, which is what Four Panels is objecting to.

Except, as has been brought up in this thread previously, quonsar's comment--now deleted-- was pretty much the same suggestion as four panels'. Maybe he's pissed that quonsar beat him to the punch?
posted by eyeballkid at 4:31 PM on December 18, 2006


quonsar should refrain from what shitting-in-AskMe he does, which ought to be left up to flags, the occasional email, and ultimately Jess and Matt's trigger fingers. Woefully misunderstanding trolls, trolling, and q's glorious history on metafilter doesn't make a callout necessary, s'farzikintell.
posted by cortex at 4:39 PM on December 18, 2006


you know who sucks? fourpanels.
posted by shmegegge at 4:43 PM on December 18, 2006


Why is everyone so excited about this sack of roosters?
posted by or at 4:49 PM on December 18, 2006


Am I the only one who thinks that all three of the questions mentioned in the callout were shit to start with?
posted by clevershark at 4:53 PM on December 18, 2006


Why does four panels want to give quonsar a hard on? Will this be just another notch on his bucket of cocks?
posted by leftcoastbob at 5:11 PM on December 18, 2006


warm up the languagehat-signal.

*runs in panting*

....Hey, there's no flameout here!

*shuffles out grumbling*
posted by languagehat at 5:18 PM on December 18, 2006


Am I the only one who thinks that all three of the questions mentioned in the callout were shit to start with?

I only got here in time to see two of them, but yes, they were obnoxious.
posted by interrobang at 5:19 PM on December 18, 2006


quonsar is consistently a fucking idiot.

No, he's not, but he's making you look like one.
posted by jonmc at 5:26 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Ugh. What is this, 2003? I thought that bitching about quonsar went out of style around the time I was allowed to sign up. I couldn't find any of my favorite quonsar-bashing metatalk threads, but I did find this gem that probably deserves the metafilterhistory tag, when it ever comes to metatalk.
posted by frecklefaerie at 5:26 PM on December 18, 2006


Ugh. What is this, 2003? I thought that bitching about quonsar went out of style around the time I was allowed to sign up.

Yeah. I've taken over as The MeFite You Love To Hate. Q's in retirement.
posted by jonmc at 5:29 PM on December 18, 2006


posted by jonmc Yeah. I've taken over as The MeFite You Love To Hate. Q's in retirement.

Not even close. You're the MeFite we hate ourselves for loving.

*rocks out to Cheap Trick*
posted by fandango_matt at 5:34 PM on December 18, 2006


Well, once again fighting city hall has resulted in the usual outcome. Here's to probability distributions. /raises glass
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:34 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


q is the wind beneath my wings.
posted by Stynxno at 5:35 PM on December 18, 2006


jonmc: I just don't think you're as unpopular here as you think you are. Take that, you sulky loner!
posted by frecklefaerie at 5:43 PM on December 18, 2006


Ugh. What is this, 2003? I thought that bitching about quonsar went out of style around the time I was allowed to sign up.

Seriously. A while back, Q was banned for a period of time. If you don't like him know, I loathe how you would have felt before then (hint: he's actually chilled out a lot since I've been here, my young whippersnapper).
posted by jmd82 at 5:44 PM on December 18, 2006


Yes, but what about quansar?
posted by The Deej at 5:55 PM on December 18, 2006


Bag of ducks?
posted by thirteenkiller at 5:59 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


No, he's not, but he's making you look like one.

Tah-dah! There is the root of the problem here folks. I too thought, long ago, that quonsar was just an asshole. Then I was having a really bad week and spent it shitting in threads. No one called me out, except one guy, yep, quonsar. He shined a big spotlight on me and called me out for the big bag of dick I was being. He was even called out for it. I was furious at him. I had a private flameout (sorry guys) and left MeFi for many months afterwards.

Then I realized that he was totally correct. I am the asshole. Though I'm still an asshole, I often hear him in the back of my head (among others, thanks Kirth Gearson for one) responding to my more inane or bitter comments and it makes me hit the back button rather than the post button.

Oh, he's a dick sometimes, sure we all are, but he's got a purpose here. And he's often quite funny and rarely off the mark.

Q is the fart beneath my wings.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:01 PM on December 18, 2006


I just don't think you're as unpopular here as you think you are. Take that, you sulky loner!

Neither is Q. That's my point.
posted by jonmc at 6:06 PM on December 18, 2006


Tah-dah! There is the root of the problem here folks.

I don't even see it as a problem so much as masterful comedy improv. He can manipulate just about anyone into betraying themselves with earnestness to the point that they make utter asses of themselves. It's a rare talent.
posted by jonmc at 6:08 PM on December 18, 2006


Except, as has been brought up in this thread previously, quonsar's comment--now deleted-- was pretty much the same suggestion as four panels'. Maybe he's pissed that quonsar beat him to the punch?

You are correct, sir! Ho-o-!

Eyeballkid nails it. Jealousy counts for a lot. Q's comment was the better of the two.

Now, deleted, you say. ?

Hmmm…

There should be a temporary limbo for tagged comments in such cases and the rabble allowed to vote one or the other off Lord of Flies meets Harrison Bergeron Island,
so to speak, after due consideration.

posted by y2karl at 6:12 PM on December 18, 2006


*rouses the rabble*
posted by jonmc at 6:13 PM on December 18, 2006


I don't even see it as a problem so much as masterful comedy improv

Problem was probably the wrong word. It's only a problem if you are the one getting manipulated.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:32 PM on December 18, 2006


fourpanels, this really would go much better if you showed a little more passion. If you believe you are right then you need to really convince us. Let no retort go unchallenged. C'mon, are you a man or a mouse?
posted by caddis at 6:36 PM on December 18, 2006


eh, don't mind me. I just made myself an eggnog, heavy on the nog.
posted by jonmc at 6:36 PM on December 18, 2006


I call for the banning of everyone who has capitalized the Q in quonsar in this thread. They're obviously not true MeFites.
posted by Eideteker at 6:39 PM on December 18, 2006


really?
posted by caddis at 6:40 PM on December 18, 2006


Yes, really. At least a week's timeout.
posted by Eideteker at 6:41 PM on December 18, 2006


If you believe you are right then you need to really convince us.


"I don't know about letting quonsar back in. He's been banned many times and never seems to change his behavior. Over the past year he's been over 90% noise in his comments. Once in a while he's truly funny. Once in a while he has something to say, but most often it's some lame wisecrack that's about as useful as reading "first post!" at slashdot. I was getting regular emails from random users asking why he can be an ass and skirt the rules without any sort of punishment. I know he's been using half a dozen sockpuppet accounts lately but he's been posting nothing but noise and I've been shutting them down because it doesn't seem like he's even trying to post anything of worth anymore. Frankly, I think the site is better without noise and if someone wants to contribute nothing but that, I don't think they're making this a better place to be. So again, I don't know about letting him back in is a good idea. After years and years of his questionable contributions and constantly ribbing me about everything I do and hundreds of non-sequitur comments involving fish and pants and whatever he thinks is funny at the time, I don't have the patience for it anymore."
posted by mathowie at 2:02 AM EST on October 16

posted by four panels at 6:43 PM on December 18, 2006


sorry jon, Eideteker thinks your not a real mefite. Wow, not only not an unpopular mefite, but not even a mefite.
posted by caddis at 6:44 PM on December 18, 2006


I think you should switch to ALLCAPS SO WE CAN HEAR YOU BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by caddis at 6:45 PM on December 18, 2006


dg - That word you used? it doesn't mean what you think it means

Inconcievable!
posted by Spike at 6:47 PM on December 18, 2006


that is so 2005, four panels.
posted by madamjujujive at 6:48 PM on December 18, 2006

Another misuse of the word troll. Trolling is different than snarking and adding noise, which q may be doing in some of those questions. Trolling is different and is too often confused with "person X said something I don't appreciate."
posted by dios
Listen to the man. Dude knows trolling.
posted by MrMoonPie at 6:51 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


quonsar is consistently a fucking idiot. This call-out will no doubt give him a hard on, but the free pass to troll is really baffling.

Are you fucking high, four panels? You're huffing glue, aren't you? Markers? MEK? Gold flake paint!! Whatever brain-dissolving highly aromatic solvent is your warm gun, I don't really fucking care. You're obviously malfunctioning.

quonsar is one of the sharpest, wisest, most reliable people on the site. He says more in one line than most of us could say in entire essays.

He's usually very correct, very precise and saying exactly what it is you don't really want to hear at all - BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS FUCKING HIDEOUSLY TERRIBLE AND THE WORLD ISN'T UNICORNS, PONIES AND FUCKING RAINBOWS.

He has a gift for stating the hideously inescapable obvious.

He sees the elephant in the room. Some people avoid talking about the elephant in the room. quonsar sees the elephant, talks about it, and then he climbs right in the elephant's ass to find out what it had for lunch.

Frankly, I think he used to be better. He's mellowed out over the years, but he used to be even sharper, more brutal and more prolific with his posts. I once watched him gut, clean and flay a 60 pound Chilean pants-bass with single syllable words alone.

Count yourself lucky. I think he's had to actually mellow out a lot to keep from getting perma-banned.
posted by loquacious at 6:56 PM on December 18, 2006 [2 favorites]


It's like this thread was tailor-made for a pissing elephant gif. It's times like this I really miss the image tag.
posted by Gamblor at 6:57 PM on December 18, 2006


is this thread all about jonmc yet? i'm getting impatient.
posted by Hat Maui at 7:00 PM on December 18, 2006


THE WORLD ISN'T UNICORNS, PONIES AND FUCKING RAINBOWS.

Dude, people fuck rainbows? That's those rainbow parties I've been hearing so much about, right?
posted by jonmc at 7:05 PM on December 18, 2006


Actually rainbows and circumcision were God's pacts with the Jews. So, in a manner of speaking, yes.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:07 PM on December 18, 2006


Oh. now you've done it, jess, dragging circumsision into this. All hell's gonna break loose now.
posted by jonmc at 7:09 PM on December 18, 2006


jonmc, circumcision, Jews and rainbows oh my!
posted by loquacious at 7:12 PM on December 18, 2006


You know who else loved unicorns, ponies and rainbows?
posted by Pollomacho at 7:15 PM on December 18, 2006


four panels?
posted by loquacious at 7:16 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


I laughed till I was lightheaded. A+++++++++++++++ GOOD CALLOUT WOULD DO BUSINESS WITH AGAIN
posted by SpecialK at 7:19 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Frankly, I think he used to be better.

Too many suck-ups dull the edge.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 7:36 PM on December 18, 2006


Has anybody noticed this thread number can be read as "LEEEL"?
posted by ardgedee at 7:37 PM on December 18, 2006


I like the q, but I don't like it when he's mean to mathowie, because it reminds of when they threw my brother to the hogs, and that was really scary before it got fun.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:43 PM on December 18, 2006


Or alternately as, "IEEEI!" the mating call of the fully engorged, adult male quonsar.
posted by Pollomacho at 7:43 PM on December 18, 2006


Yeah, I don't like qounsar's Matt-snarking much, either. I mean it's pretty much harmless, but it's probably counterproductive.

It feels like bitching about the drapes or something stupid while the host has invited you in to his house for an otherwise killer party.
posted by loquacious at 7:50 PM on December 18, 2006


On the other hand, the drapes are pretty fucking hideous.
posted by yhbc at 7:53 PM on December 18, 2006


Especially this brownish grey color, I mean really!?!
posted by Pollomacho at 7:58 PM on December 18, 2006


qute callout there three panels. the fourth panel says you're a little short. god, i hope ther isn't any punch at your xmas party!
posted by stirfry at 7:58 PM on December 18, 2006


He decries the ugly slipcover on the elephant in the room where the killer party is at.
posted by y2karl at 8:00 PM on December 18, 2006


Anybody got a link to quonsar's Contrition Post, from I think after the last time he was unbanned? I'm coming up empty. I was very impressed. I even seem to recall that he used capital letters, but that may just be the vaseline-smeared lens of nostalgia... now that was a piece of metafilterhistory (but in Metatalk, so untagged).
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:07 PM on December 18, 2006


I did, argedee. Apparently, leel is a Tooska Kutali.
posted by taz at 8:10 PM on December 18, 2006


Could someone please hate on me a little bit too? I am feeling left out here.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:15 PM on December 18, 2006


Ah, fuck it.

SMOCK SMOCK SMOCK SMOCK SMOCK.

/been to the pub.,
posted by hangashore at 8:17 PM on December 18, 2006


Meh.
posted by scheptech at 8:26 PM on December 18, 2006


You know who else liked saying SMOCK?
posted by loquacious at 8:28 PM on December 18, 2006


Oh, and FUCK MEATBOMB AND HIS FUCKING MEAT... bombiness or whatever that is that he does
posted by hangashore at 8:28 PM on December 18, 2006


and so i pulled out a gif of an elephant shitting an american flag...
posted by Kudos at 8:34 PM on December 18, 2006


Yeah, that Meatbomb fucker is the fuckingest fucking fucker this side of the fucking Fuckississippi. Fuck him and the fucking fucker he fucked in on!
posted by loquacious at 8:37 PM on December 18, 2006


If quonsar were my woman, I'd give him a dick in a box.
posted by ninjew at 8:39 PM on December 18, 2006


Ooohh, little old me, getting told to fuck off right beside quonsar, in his thread... I am feeling a little faint, be still my heart.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:40 PM on December 18, 2006


Could someone please hate on me a little bit too?

If I were the Stalin of MetaFilter, you'd still be banned. Damned hippie.

You're welcome.
posted by cribcage at 8:40 PM on December 18, 2006


I like the q, but I don't like it when he's mean to mathowie ...
Yeah, this is my least favourite part of the quonsar. Although he is usually right, it seems like being mean for the sake of it, rather than to make a valid point. Not that I have anything against being mean per se, just that there are far more deserving targets.
posted by dg at 8:46 PM on December 18, 2006


Ooohh, little old me, getting told to fuck off

WHO ASKED YOU TO GET UP OFF YOUR KNEES AND START YAPPING YOUR PRETTY HEAD OFF, BITCH? ON YOUR KNEES!
posted by loquacious at 8:47 PM on December 18, 2006


I don't know why we can't all just get along.

I'll tune up my guitar and then we can all sit round and sing a rousing chorus of Kumbaya. That will put everybody in a good mood.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 9:01 PM on December 18, 2006


In the year I've been a member here, I have, apparently, paid way too little attention to individual members and their quirks. If you held a gun to my head, I couldn't identify quonsar or any quality of his postings. Nor, indeed, could I identify any typical, identifiable qualities of posts by the other "hot" members around here, like jonmc, dios, amberglow, It's Raining Florence Henderson, etc. (I only know their names because they seem to get a lot of attention from other members.)

I like to think I am a perceptive person but, frankly, all MeFites tend to sound alike to me.

So, when I read a callout like this, it's news to me.
posted by jayder at 9:09 PM on December 18, 2006


Yeah, that'd be great!

*prepares functional sharp pointy things*
posted by loquacious at 9:10 PM on December 18, 2006


Err, that was for Quinbus Flestrin and his Kumbaya guitar.
posted by loquacious at 9:10 PM on December 18, 2006


That's only because we're all typing, you idiot.

You really hear us? Man, you should get some help.

That was for jayder, not for Quinbus or loquacious.
And you really want heavy poundy things for a guitar like that.

posted by yhbc at 9:13 PM on December 18, 2006


The guitar is a heavy poundy thing. The sharp pointy things are to prevent Quinbus Flestrin from playing it. Or singing. Or generally breathing much thereafter.
posted by loquacious at 9:16 PM on December 18, 2006

"Afterwards I wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a montero, with a coif, with a falconer's lure. But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs.

And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains."
posted by peacay at 9:18 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Oh, can we play lawn darts too? That would be neat!!

You guys are real swell pals.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 9:26 PM on December 18, 2006


MetaTalk: Torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches.
posted by loquacious at 9:29 PM on December 18, 2006


Ah, come on, loquacious. You coulda been generous, and done MetaFilter: even to the regions of the heart and brains.
posted by cgc373 at 9:39 PM on December 18, 2006


I know. I was also considering feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure or perhaps the temporate heat of the goose, but it's kind of hard to pass up an erudite list of synonyms for anus.
posted by loquacious at 9:47 PM on December 18, 2006


..list of synonyms for anus toilet paper.
posted by peacay at 9:57 PM on December 18, 2006


jayder: You're not even trying, are you?

A Poster: Phish are Eroding The Constitution And Your Internet Freedoms!

quonsar: i have phish. in my phants.

jonmc: Phish are a decent jam band, but not that great. How about the Bottle Rockets, Wilco, Nile, Monster Magnet, The Muffs, Beck, The Fastbacks, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Jason & The Scorchers, all of whom leave Phish in the dust and that's just what I can think off of the top of my head, and this is coming from someone who almost never listens to new music.

dios: First, this is a stupid idea, for a number of reasons. Not the least of which is the utter inability to practically enforce it.

But given the questionable ability to enforce what Phish actually says, it does not appear to be created to prosecute fan websites. That is, I don't think this is a proactive bill intended to ensure compliance by monitoring and busting every blog that exists and misses something.

amberglow: Aren't they going to disappear as the seafood population does?

And are the adult phans ok with their kids being caught and tagged? Doesn't it cause the parents to not want to touch them anymore (or is that just mammals)?

It's Raining Florence Henderson: They still make albums?
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:00 PM on December 18, 2006 [2 favorites]


WHERE IS THE IMAGE TAG??? THIS THREAD NEEDS A PISSING ELEPHANT, STAT.

Anyone do ascii art?
posted by Krrrlson at 10:02 PM on December 18, 2006


yay rabelais.
posted by exlotuseater at 10:03 PM on December 18, 2006


Uh, if we're gonna link to... THAT thread, let's warn the nice people about the goatse first.
posted by evilcolonel at 10:05 PM on December 18, 2006


...list of synonyms for anus toilet paper.

Doh. Exactly. I actually caught that and rewrote it but somehow I managed to change it back before posting.
posted by loquacious at 10:10 PM on December 18, 2006


wipe-breeches indeed.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:19 PM on December 18, 2006


It's Raining Florence Henderson: Hot member.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:29 PM on December 18, 2006


It's not well-known among those who don't frequent IRC, MetaChat, MonkeyFilter, Everlasting Blort *and* MetaTalk, but I manage quonsar.

Any complaints you have about his attitude, delivery, failure to recognize you as a sentient complainant, etc, should be directed to me. I am happy to confer with my client when customers take issue with his behavior. And he is a highly market-sensitive and responsive agent in his own right, always asking what the market is thinking and how he can capture a greater share of his target demographics.

I think he has a future in The Space. And thank you for your valuable feedback.

By the way, would you like to receive quonsar-related messages from us from time to time? Please check here [ ].

How about messages from partners and affiliates that quonsar swears on his balls are not-to-be-missed? [ ].

If you have forgotten your password, please stuff a loaded shotgun up your ass and pull the trigger. Check your mail! A confirmation message will be sent to you promptly.
posted by scarabic at 10:40 PM on December 18, 2006


THIS THREAD NEEDS A PISSING ELEPHANT, STAT.

Mr. Mathowie:

Lest I continue to agree with Krrrlson about something, an entirely unsupportable condition, I highly recommend you BRING BACK THE IMG TAG.

I still don't recall why it's a security risk to show images on a webpage.
posted by scarabic at 10:43 PM on December 18, 2006


I've got a couple of things to show you. Let's see if you can figure out which one is the hot member.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:47 PM on December 18, 2006


Pollomacho, that claim is useless without . . . something.
posted by cgc373 at 10:57 PM on December 18, 2006


scarabic, I put a shotgun up my ass and pulled the trigger, but now everything is backwards.
posted by loquacious at 11:12 PM on December 18, 2006


Probably a caching issue, loquacious. Try refreshing your bum.
posted by cgc373 at 11:22 PM on December 18, 2006


And seconding evilcolonel on the goatse warning. Unpleasant gaping locally. Rite of passage, but jeez.
posted by cgc373 at 11:24 PM on December 18, 2006


Please check here [ ].

I clicked and clicked and nothing happened.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:26 PM on December 18, 2006 [1 favorite]


Try refreshing your bum.

I thought we'd determined that refreshing your bum was a load of bunk?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:33 PM on December 18, 2006


Oh, my. Pollomacho, I missed that thread, but now I miss the time in my life before, when I had missed that thread. Now I am a scarred human being. Because of MetaFilter, I know about the orange and black one, and also, I know about Vincent Gallo's souvenirs.
posted by cgc373 at 12:00 AM on December 19, 2006


I completely had an ascii version of an elephant pissing, but linebreaking, um, broke it. Sorry. I have failed you all.
posted by Sparx at 1:34 AM on December 19, 2006


I work for quonsar, so I am really getting a kick out of some of these replies.

Wait, where am I?
posted by The Deej at 1:44 AM on December 19, 2006


Who?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 3:37 AM on December 19, 2006


You know who else liked saying SMOCK?


Steve Allen did.


He also liked saying 'How's your fern?'
posted by or at 3:53 AM on December 19, 2006



posted by public at 4:38 AM on December 19, 2006


It appears two of the three flagged comments have now been deleted. So it appears whatever stuff quonsar does matt/jess don't mind doing the cleanup.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:41 AM on December 19, 2006


We should start a petition to get those posts back. That, or the img tag.
posted by mullingitover at 4:51 AM on December 19, 2006


Metafilter: rainbows and circumcisions
Metafilter: the vaseline-smeared lens of nostalgia

See what the disappearance of the IMG tag is making me do? It's making me sink back into the abyss of "clever" tag lines...

(one day at a time, dude, one day at a time)
posted by clevershark at 6:54 AM on December 19, 2006


He sees the elephant in the room. Some people avoid talking about the elephant in the room. quonsar sees the elephant, talks about it, and then he climbs right in the elephant's ass to find out what it had for lunch.

Frankly, I think he used to be better. He's mellowed out over the years, but he used to be even sharper, more brutal and more prolific with his posts. I once watched him gut, clean and flay a 60 pound Chilean pants-bass with single syllable words alone.

Count yourself lucky. I think he's had to actually mellow out a lot to keep from getting perma-banned.


I just wanted to reprise loquacious's wisdom and eloquence.

This thread is very funny. If only four panels would flame out, my day would be complete.
posted by languagehat at 7:45 AM on December 19, 2006


Jumbo the elephant was curious.
His caretaker, Matt, had just exited the
room, but she had left a light on in her small pen.
Jumbo investigated; it was a small light, brown with
lots of white squiggles on it and a little bit of yellow, too.
Jumbo examined the light even more closely. Some of the
squiggles were thicker than the others. Some were leaning
over to the right , and even though he tilted his head he was
still unable to make out what they meant. A few of them
even blinked at him. Jumbo became confused by the
squiggles – they were just a bunch of random things
to him. His confusion led to a brief moment of
panic, and loudly “RAOR!” he trumpeted
Again, a loud “RAOOR!” resounded,
and as it did so

tiny, um, plop-

pings sound-

ed at the sur-

face of the floor.

Matt saw the mess

sighed loudly and swept up.

posted by cog_nate at 8:05 AM on December 19, 2006 [3 favorites]


Well... shit. Try this one:

Jumbo the elephant was curious.
His caretaker, Matt, had just exited the
room, but she had left a light on in her small pen.
Jumbo investigated; it was a small light, brown with
lots of white squiggles on it and a little bit of yellow, too.
Jumbo examined the light even more closely. Some of the
squiggles were thicker than the others. Some were leaning
over to the right , and even though he tilted his head he was
still unable to make out what they meant. A few of them
even blinked at him. Jumbo became confused by the
squiggles – they were just a bunch of random things
to him. His confusion led to a brief moment of
panic, and loudly “RAOR!” he trumpeted
Again, a loud “RAOOR!” resounded,
and as             it            did so

tiny,           um,          plop-

pings                          sound-

ed at                          the sur-

face            of the        floor.

Matt           saw the       mess

sighed          loudly and     swept up.

posted by cog_nate at 8:06 AM on December 19, 2006 [3 favorites]


what you're missing here is: quonsar is generally right.

No: What he's missing is that quonsar is generally funny.

On Metafilter, funny pretty much always trumps right. And usually gets mistaken for it.
posted by lodurr at 8:26 AM on December 19, 2006


Yes, but what about quansar?

*stumbles in, panting*

I was only supposed to be a dumb one-note gag, Deej, but now I am back. FOR MY SECOND NOTE. THAT'S RIGHT, I AM NOW A CHORD! AN Em POWER CHORD!!!
posted by quansar at 10:08 AM on December 19, 2006


AN Em POWER CHORD!!!

Actually, I think power chords, not having a third (just the tonal, fifth and sometimes an octave), aren't intrinsically Major or Minor.
Maybe this needs its own MetaTalk thread?
posted by signal at 10:27 AM on December 19, 2006


You're absolutely right, signal. Boy, that quansar sure is stupid, in stark contrast to me!
posted by Kwine at 10:37 AM on December 19, 2006


Actually, I think power chords, not having a third (just the tonal, fifth and sometimes an octave), aren't intrinsically Major or Minor.

True, but in the context of the piece it's usually pretty obvious whether that missing third would be major or minor.

And this thread is definitely minor.
posted by chrismear at 11:25 AM on December 19, 2006


Funniest thread in ages, and all because of....quonsar.
posted by puddinghead at 1:16 PM on December 19, 2006


and all because of....quonsar.

Is there nothing he can't do?
posted by eriko at 1:28 PM on December 19, 2006


I have been waiting all day for an opportunity to use this gif.
posted by nathancaswell at 1:45 PM on December 19, 2006


That gif makes me wonder if we could formulate a Godwin corrollary that would hold w.r.t. quonsar.

I think most of us could agree that the G-Law itself no longer really pertains to much of anything...
posted by lodurr at 2:05 PM on December 19, 2006


nathan that gif is so insensitive. I for one lost a great many family members to the LOLocaust.

...our ROTFLtetl was burned to the ground.
posted by fidgets at 2:25 PM on December 19, 2006 [1 favorite]


Le chien est sous la table.

Où est le chien ?
posted by oxford blue at 3:53 PM on December 19, 2006


La table!
posted by nathancaswell at 3:59 PM on December 19, 2006


Correct.
posted by oxford blue at 4:01 PM on December 19, 2006


Sous la table, sûrement?
posted by chrismear at 5:02 PM on December 19, 2006


Exactement!

J'ai regrette, Nathancaswell n'est pas correct.

chrismear est le gagnant, et le champion du metafilter.
posted by oxford blue at 5:19 PM on December 19, 2006 [1 favorite]


{{{{{ quansar!!!!! }}}}

Well I want ya to get your $5 worth. I feel some responsibility you know.
posted by The Deej at 5:36 PM on December 19, 2006


Threads with more than 100 posts really ARE just big clusterfucks. That is why I love them so.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 5:36 PM on December 19, 2006


I have been waiting all day for an opportunity to use this gif.

I got a dead link. Since I can't see any evidence, I am denying that the LOLocaust exists or ever existed.

*fingers in ears*

La-la-la not listening la-la.
posted by Pollomacho at 5:39 PM on December 19, 2006


There are a handful of names that make Metafilter what it is for me. Their posting history and comments half a fifty-fifty shot of being good, but they're just part of the equation. It's their personalities and the blend with the rest of the monkey house that change this from just site people happen to visit and an actual community.

If those names don't post, we notice. We wonder where they are. There's a feeling of loss.

quonsar may be a dick sometimes. But when he's not around, people notice. Does he get a pass? Maybe. But it wouldn't be Metafilter if he didn't.
posted by FunkyHelix at 7:06 PM on December 19, 2006


If those names don't post, we notice. We wonder where they are. There's a feeling of loss.

I've noticed the absence of Ethereal Bligh in recent weeks, to name one.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:58 PM on December 19, 2006


If quonsar gets banned again, will there be a Free quonsar 2: the Adventure Home?
posted by dazed_one at 8:16 PM on December 19, 2006


I lean towards Free-q-2: Electric Boogaloo.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:32 PM on December 19, 2006


one slur. fap.
posted by flabdablet at 5:06 AM on December 20, 2006


I've noticed the absence of Ethereal Bligh in recent weeks, to name one.

I've missed him. (I'd miss quonsar, too, even though about every seventh contribution of his makes me at least a little angry.)
posted by jamjam at 10:32 AM on December 20, 2006


Q keeps it real. Just sayin'.
posted by jimfl at 6:42 PM on December 21, 2006


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