Free beans! (for a price) October 10, 2007 8:47 PM   Subscribe

O glorious snark gods! My writing has improved tenfold, my salary has doubled, my sex-life is perky*, and I have YOU to thank for it! *May or may not be true.

Seriously, though, what a remarkable community. Just wanted to say thanks for the enlightentainment. Feel free to flag as drunken maudlinism, which is what this is (but tempered by wormwood clarity).

Standouts: Teh Lynnster, Flappy, TKX, Stav the Wonder Chickie, and LanguageChapeau.

Yer good people. Merci.

And now for the non-nonsensical, non-vague portion of this presentation; a suggestion. How's about implementing access premiums? As in: five bucks for ten hours of monthly access to the site; ten bucks for thirty (say); and twenty for unlimited access.

Favorites could be converted into suitable credits (100 favorites = 10 hours, for instance).

This would moderate n00b deluge, reward longstanding contributors, and generate enough cash to run the damned place.

I don't see any downside. Do you?
posted by YamwotIam to MetaFilter-Related at 8:47 PM (186 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Hey someone's drunk!!
posted by jonson at 8:50 PM on October 10, 2007 [3 favorites]


I think I found some n00b deluge.
posted by chundo at 8:51 PM on October 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


Am NOT drunk.
posted by maudlin at 8:51 PM on October 10, 2007 [7 favorites]


Drunkenness aside, the access premium is the worst idea I have ever heard of. What an asshole-ish move for a freaking community blog. Geez. The damned place is being run by cash from ads and sign-ups, TYVFM.
posted by Phire at 8:54 PM on October 10, 2007 [7 favorites]


I see a huge downside, YamwotIam... one of the great things about MeFi is that it's open to basically everyone. $5 isn't much of a bar to unlimited access. Start charging people by hour for their access? How would you manage that? If I open a page at home in the morning and leave it open until I get back from work, is that my ten hours?

And using favourites as currency... euuuuurgh. No. Just no.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:54 PM on October 10, 2007


And then for these special premium access people, we could change the background to white.
posted by casarkos at 8:55 PM on October 10, 2007 [7 favorites]


My writing has improved tenfold, my salary has doubled, my sex-life is perky*, and I have YOU to thank for it!

damn - your life must have REALLY sucked before you found us
posted by pyramid termite at 8:57 PM on October 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


This idea has no merit.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:58 PM on October 10, 2007 [23 favorites]


Am NOT drunk.

I need a drink!
Many poles in Trinity Spadina had exactly opposite results to the province wide numbers.. Sad..
posted by Chuckles at 8:59 PM on October 10, 2007


And then, we could charge people for access to the archives.

And to change taglines and posting icon-y things

And change our name to Something Metafilter.
posted by dismas at 8:59 PM on October 10, 2007 [1 favorite]



damn - your life must have REALLY sucked before you found us


No, no, just my writing, salary, and putative sex life.
posted by YamwotIam at 8:59 PM on October 10, 2007


I've been drunker than this and never suggested anything this stoopit*.

*may not be true
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:02 PM on October 10, 2007


MetaFilter SelectTM
posted by monju_bosatsu at 9:02 PM on October 10, 2007 [2 favorites]


I think we should have a fucking swear jar.
posted by found missing at 9:02 PM on October 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


Fuck yeah. *ding*
posted by monju_bosatsu at 9:05 PM on October 10, 2007


I'm impressed. Most of the crap ideas suggest in MeTa would just annoy the hell out of me. One that would kill the whole site is quite exceptional.

Two thumbs up.
posted by pompomtom at 9:07 PM on October 10, 2007 [11 favorites]


I come in to the thread expecting an orgy of similarly outrageous reply and I find levity. Now I am not snark monger or even snark agitator. In fact, I am pleasantly surprised if not a bit underwhelmed. There is a perverse part of me that calls for a response in kind to this man's ravings.

But I think perhaps the solution to the n00b deluge, besides the typical castigations for stupid behavior that are applied semi-indiscriminately-- I think the solution is in the new people themselves. I call upon you quick witted people, men and women, people of every class and color (non-color if you refer) to take a stand. For every troll there should be a newbie responding with an insightful comment. For every flame out there should rise an even handed newbie to explain the guidelines. For each metatalk post complaining about comment deletion or post removal there should be respectful e-mails or IMs to the mods. My fellow n00bs, the answer is not higher premiums charged in the monetary sense. No, the answer is higher premiums charged of our own responsibility and posting thoughtfulness.
posted by Mister Cheese at 9:09 PM on October 10, 2007


where does that asterisk go?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:15 PM on October 10, 2007



where does that asterisk go?

eponysterical?
posted by YamwotIam at 9:19 PM on October 10, 2007


No, no, just my writing, salary, and putative sex life.

but your stamp collection kicked ass, right?
posted by pyramid termite at 9:21 PM on October 10, 2007


New users are a good thing, 'long as they toe the line, salute the flag, share amusing information about their sex lives, write positive articles about us in major publications, buy me beer, click on ads, avoid tired memes, feed quonsar raw meat, make good music, don't let their alligator mouths overstep their jaybird asses, post seminekkid shoutout pics, capitalize, punctuate, fold and mutilate, flame out amusingly, weigh in intelligently, don't goatse, don't have a go at me, and don't ever admit to posting while under the influence, unless they have first bought me some beer.

I like newbs. We'd be an inbred grandma-rapin' bunch of internet kallikaks† without 'em!


†or more so than we are now, anyway.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:21 PM on October 10, 2007 [6 favorites]


MetaFilter+

As in: five bucks for ten hours of monthly access to the site; ten bucks for thirty (say); and twenty for unlimited access.

Regular, Ultra, and Premium. Fill 'er up! Git 'er done!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:22 PM on October 10, 2007


but your stamp collection kicked ass, right?
no
posted by YamwotIam at 9:24 PM on October 10, 2007


* hurls thundersnark, vaporises YamwotIam's genitals for threatening to destroy Filterly order *
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:25 PM on October 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


My writing has improved tenfold

Link, please.
posted by dhammond at 9:26 PM on October 10, 2007


If you're not drunk, I move you be banned.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:29 PM on October 10, 2007 [5 favorites]


What a fuckwit.
posted by hadjiboy at 9:30 PM on October 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


How's about implementing access premiums? As in: five bucks for ten hours of monthly access to the site; ten bucks for thirty (say); and twenty for unlimited access.

Favorites could be converted into suitable credits (100 favorites = 10 hours, for instance).

This would moderate n00b deluge,


Instituting those five-dollar, implicitly second-class accounts would actually have the opposite effect. I think that those would attract spammers, trolls and other types who don't feel a strong connection to the site or want to contribute to the community.

If it only costs $5 to buy the right to broadcast ten hours of asshattery, you can bet that people will take advantage of it.
posted by jason's_planet at 9:33 PM on October 10, 2007


If MetaFilter cost more than it does now, I would never be here. In fact, I'm wondering if I can get part of my $5 back on some sort of sliding scale system so that I can go buy a beer. I guess that would be enough for a half-pint or something.
posted by SassHat at 9:35 PM on October 10, 2007


Link, please.

OK. I realize I've reached the I-DEFINITELY-know-I'll-regret-this-in-the-morning point, so here.

Yeah, it's a Yahoo! blog. Make of that what yez will.

Comments welcome, etc.
posted by YamwotIam at 9:41 PM on October 10, 2007


I'd need to get a second job. Even if this bloody stupid idea had any merit whatsoever, I would be against it purely for selfish reasons. As it is, I think we're pretty safe.

Posting to MeTa while drubk is never a good idea, as you'll realise when you next wake up. You're lucky everyone sees this for what it is that you aren't being torn a new arsehole*.

*still may happen
posted by dg at 9:41 PM on October 10, 2007


I got an idea, why don't we issue breathalyzers to all members, if you can't blow clean you can't post. The downside? weeeelll I'm guessing it would cut into the entertainment, and most likely comments would see a marked decrease.
posted by edgeways at 9:42 PM on October 10, 2007


Buh?
posted by trip and a half at 9:46 PM on October 10, 2007


I got an idea, why don't we issue breathalyzers to all members, if you can't blow clean you can't post.

Suck or blow?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:46 PM on October 10, 2007


If it only costs $5 to buy the right to broadcast ten hours of asshattery, you can bet that people will take advantage of it.

what, as opposed to almost three years of asshattery that i've managed to take advantage of?
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:49 PM on October 10, 2007


Until today, I didn't think it was possible to improve on Mach3avelli's brilliant shut-mefi-down idea.
posted by b1tr0t at 10:10 PM on October 10, 2007


I finally quit my crap freelance gig today... so if drunk posting could actually double my salary, I'm totally willing to give it a shot. God knows I haven't had free time in so long I probably won't know what to do with it. And conveniently, I'm all stocked up on 2 Buck Chuck.

Teh Lynnster? Yeah, you're drunk.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:16 PM on October 10, 2007


Yeah, how would early 90's AOL level charges help with new users? All we would get would be rich users.

One thing we could do, if it became a problem (which I don't think it is) would be to go to invite-only ala facebook, gmail, etc.
posted by delmoi at 10:24 PM on October 10, 2007


Psh, whatever. Wake me up when MetaFilter gets you laid.
posted by Eideteker at 10:30 PM on October 10, 2007


On second thought, don't.
posted by Eideteker at 10:30 PM on October 10, 2007


buying time online went out in 1995 with AOL. Let's keep it that way.
posted by cosmicbandito at 10:34 PM on October 10, 2007


two roofies for you then, Eideteker?
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:35 PM on October 10, 2007


Guess I'll have to cross time off my list of things to sell online, then.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:36 PM on October 10, 2007


And now for the non-nonsensical, non-vague portion of this presentation; a suggestion. How's about implementing access premiums? As in: five bucks for ten hours of monthly access to the site; ten bucks for thirty (say); and twenty for unlimited access.

Favorites could be converted into suitable credits (100 favorites = 10 hours, for instance).

This would moderate n00b deluge, reward longstanding contributors, and generate enough cash to run the damned place.


There is actually nothing right with this idea. It is perfectly bad. You have won Metatalk.

That aside, drink plenty of water, keep those electrolytes up, and take some advil before you hit the sack. I'm glad you're enjoying the site.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:39 PM on October 10, 2007 [5 favorites]


This is unrelated, but at least once a week I check the jobs section to see if anyone's looking for something in my field. Like a job posting looking for "some guy" who can, maybe, "look cool" and be "pretty nice."

This is a field which needs more openings.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:39 PM on October 10, 2007 [3 favorites]


Unfortunately, the Venn diagram of careers which involve both looking cool and being nice looks something like this:

O O
posted by dersins at 10:47 PM on October 10, 2007 [3 favorites]


aaaaand.... baddum tish! *cymbal crash*
posted by Phire at 10:52 PM on October 10, 2007


O O

LOL BOOBS
posted by roll truck roll at 10:55 PM on October 10, 2007


O O

^This is a field which needs more openings.^
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:02 PM on October 10, 2007


Sucks to be sober in this thread.
posted by special-k at 11:25 PM on October 10, 2007


I don't see any downside. Do you?

Fuck yes.
posted by special-k at 11:26 PM on October 10, 2007


O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O

^This is a field with many openings.^
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:26 PM on October 10, 2007


"...sorry, TGBM, you're too late...they've all been filled"
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:27 PM on October 10, 2007


d'oh!

what happened to my white space!??!?

posted by UbuRoivas at 11:28 PM on October 10, 2007


I finally quit my crap freelance gig today... so if drunk posting could actually double my salary, I'm totally willing to give it a shot.

Well if you're unemployed then you make $0/hr. 2 * $0/hr = $0/hr. Ergo drunk posting is GUARANTEED to at *least* double your salary.
posted by Ryvar at 11:45 PM on October 10, 2007


You can have your whitespace back for $20.
posted by pompomtom at 11:46 PM on October 10, 2007


^This is a field with many openings.^

I've seen that field. It's in Blackburn, Lancashire.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:59 PM on October 10, 2007 [3 favorites]


New users are a good thing ...

wrongwrongWRONG you criminally co-newbianist wide-stance wide-openingfanboy;
posted by rudster at 12:03 AM on October 11, 2007


I live hand-to-mouth in a still largely cash economy and had to wait ages to join until a good friend and fellow user paid for my sign-up with their credit card, as I don't have one. I am not impressed in the slightest by this idea.
posted by Abiezer at 12:53 AM on October 11, 2007


I think MetaFilter is the only thing I've ever paid for on the internet (well, it wasn't me that paid, it was my brother but never mind). Scabbing $5 for something so excellent was worth it but I would never have bothered if your idea had been in place. They (all those ones up there ^ ) are absolutely right, your idea is a shocker.

Also, watermelon is an excellent hangover cure (sugar, fluids, tasty). I post drunk too, but thankfully I'm too intimidated by all these people to do it often.
posted by h00py at 2:06 AM on October 11, 2007


No TotalMeFi jokes?

I'm dissapointed in you all.

(Then again, what would be the MeFi equivalent of their mascot, the, um, well-endowed squirrel?)
posted by Iosephus at 2:28 AM on October 11, 2007


watermelon is an excellent hangover cure

And makes a far less pricey substitute for a LoveDoll for Mefites on a tight budget.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:45 AM on October 11, 2007


O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O

^This is as many openings as it takes to fill the Albert Hall^
posted by Sparx at 3:34 AM on October 11, 2007


*drunkenly staggers in, posts semi-mutilated shoutout pics, buys stavros a major publication, clicks on goatse, passes out on the floor*
posted by Skorgu at 3:49 AM on October 11, 2007


my sex-life is perky

You found the tittyfucking AskMe, I see.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 4:21 AM on October 11, 2007


Has drunk posting replaced drunk dialing and even drunk texting? Clicking "more inside" here is the equivalent of looking at your caller ID at 3 am and groaning because you know what awaits you: sloppy "I love you, man!" ranting followed by foolishnesses.
posted by sneakin at 4:57 AM on October 11, 2007


Sparx, maaaan, it's like, if you look at those holes long enough you can, like see Lennon's face!

And, YamwotIam, you're cute when you're drunk.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:02 AM on October 11, 2007


Wait, I thought this was already how stuff worked.

Cortex, what have you been doing with my money?
posted by dmd at 5:13 AM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


He's called Language Fat.
posted by DenOfSizer at 5:37 AM on October 11, 2007


I finally quit my crap freelance gig today... so if drunk posting could actually double my salary, I'm totally willing to give it a shot.

Well if you're unemployed then you make $0/hr. 2 * $0/hr = $0/hr. Ergo drunk posting is GUARANTEED to at *least* double your salary.


Aahhh, see I should've been specific. I was referring to doubling my CURRENT salary, not my upcoming non-salary that I'm trying to avoid thinking about.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:39 AM on October 11, 2007


^This is as many openings as it takes to fill the Albert Hall^

I'd love to turn you on...
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:41 AM on October 11, 2007


(lol)
posted by tr33hggr at 5:46 AM on October 11, 2007


Or better still:
I'd love to turn you out.

Because it's hard on Mefi for a pimp.
When you're trying to get five dollars just to join,
And although it doesn't seem a lot of coin,
It is to hear a lot of bitches talking shit
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:48 AM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


My grandma taught me that if you can't say something nice, you shouldn't say anything at all.

So all I'll say is that I like your background image on your Yahoo page.

[but it shouldn't be tiled!]

posted by desjardins at 6:12 AM on October 11, 2007


Erm, I'm late. Anyone have a clue as to exactly what I missed?
posted by triv at 6:32 AM on October 11, 2007


Holy fuck this is embarassing.
posted by YamwotIam at 6:35 AM on October 11, 2007 [21 favorites]


I'll take a stab: sorry triv, but your background image is fat when you're drunk.
posted by rudster at 6:37 AM on October 11, 2007


I'm a n00b. When can I expect the doubled salary and perky sex? I paid five dollars and I demand results.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:45 AM on October 11, 2007


Ahhhh, welcome back YamwotIam. How are you feeling this morning, sweetie?
posted by miss lynnster at 6:51 AM on October 11, 2007


YamwotIam!
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:55 AM on October 11, 2007


Ahhh, yes. I remember when I had my first beer, too.
posted by dios at 6:59 AM on October 11, 2007


So what were you drinking/smoking/sniffing/ingesting/mainlining? 'Cause I want TWO.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:16 AM on October 11, 2007


Holy fuck this is embarassing.
Heh!
posted by tellurian at 7:19 AM on October 11, 2007


YamwotIam, all through this thread you've been a magnificent good sport, and for that you are to be commended. And should your MetaFilter pay scheme be implemented (you know, when pigs fly...) you will receive $5.00 off the unlimited access fee!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:41 AM on October 11, 2007


Hold on, wait just a second. I need clarification: there was a tittyfucking AskMe?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 8:11 AM on October 11, 2007


Hmm, just like MetaFilter, but only rich people? Where do I sign up?
posted by ikkyu2 at 8:18 AM on October 11, 2007


Standouts: Teh Lynnster, Flappy, TKX, Stav the Wonder Chickie, and LanguageChapeau.

One of these people is not like the others.
posted by mullacc at 8:25 AM on October 11, 2007


Maybe we could charge for use of the IMG tag... huh??
posted by B(oYo)BIES at 8:33 AM on October 11, 2007


there was a tittyfucking AskMe?

Indeed.
posted by dersins at 8:43 AM on October 11, 2007


The samples in the free section are small and of lower quality Wiith Access Premiumstm you get to see thousands of hi-res pictures of mathowie and his naughty friends as well as FREE access to hundreds of other hot community weblogs!
posted by kosem at 8:52 AM on October 11, 2007


YamwotIam -- just tell us you're not Jewels.
posted by ericb at 8:56 AM on October 11, 2007


Here ya go, YamwotIam. We've all been there.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:13 AM on October 11, 2007


Guilt is merely a vitamin B12 deficiency.
Guilt is merely a vitamin B12 deficiency.
Guilt is merely a vitamin B12 deficiency.
Guilt is merely a vitamin B12 deficiency.

Eat fish and don't look back.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:33 AM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


YamwotIam - hey, at least you have the drunk defense on your side. Speaking as a teetotaler who's often made a right ass of himself while stone sober, I covet the absolution which, hand in hand with a hangover, greets every groggy souse the morning after.

Well, I don't covet the hangover part.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:45 AM on October 11, 2007


YamwotIam, your idea was awful. I mean really, really, train-wreck, end-of-metafilter-as-we-know-it bad.

And yet, I'm really glad you posted this and were a good sport.

I hope you are not suffering the after effects.
posted by quin at 9:48 AM on October 11, 2007


If Matt wants to make more money from current members, he should put a fixed price on everyone's head, say $250, that anyone can pay toward, such that when the threshold is reached, the member is banned.

The minimum payment could be $2, the maximum $10: the running total of pledged payments would be displayed on the profile page, and you could click on it to see the amount pledged by other members by name in list form. When the threshold was reached and the member banned, you'd have a week to fulfill your pledge, and then you couldn't log in until you made your promised payment. Anyone could withdraw their pledge at anytime up until the moment of banning.
posted by jamjam at 10:19 AM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


A 39K member worried about n00b deluge?

Awesome.
posted by ambrosia at 10:25 AM on October 11, 2007


n00b deluge
n00b deluge
l00b da nuge!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:05 AM on October 11, 2007


Apres n00b, la deluge.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:19 AM on October 11, 2007 [6 favorites]


I'm drunk and pantsless and it has improved my sex life.

But cost me my job.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:29 AM on October 11, 2007


"According to ancient texts which speak of the deluge, there were very few anteden00bian survivors."
posted by koeselitz at 11:39 AM on October 11, 2007


"What's a n00bian?"
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:41 AM on October 11, 2007


Twenty bucks same as in

BREAKING: USED UP JOKE FOUND BEATEN TO DEATH WITH A WRENCH IN A DRAINAGE DITCH
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:48 AM on October 11, 2007 [4 favorites]


.
posted by maudlin at 11:51 AM on October 11, 2007


I think I'm going to start playing Team Fortress as "twenty bucks same as in PWN".
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:54 AM on October 11, 2007


Standouts: Teh Lynnster, Flappy, TKX, Stav the Wonder Chickie, and LanguageChapeau.

One of these people is not like the others.


If it helps you to tell us apart, I'm the one with boobs.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:17 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


O glorious snark gods! My writing has improved tenfold, my salary has doubled, my sex-life is perky*, and I have YOU to thank for it!

That's funny. MetaFilter has destroyed my writing and it has lost me a number of jobs. But it did get me laid.

All basically true, that, but will say no more.
posted by loquacious at 12:22 PM on October 11, 2007


All basically true, that, but will say no more.

IMG tag please.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:24 PM on October 11, 2007



Standouts: Teh Lynnster, Flappy, TKX, Stav the Wonder Chickie, and LanguageChapeau.

One of these people is not like the others.

If it helps you to tell us apart, I'm the one with boobs.


They sure are boobs.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:25 PM on October 11, 2007


Might want to listen to this song.
posted by delmoi at 1:51 PM on October 11, 2007


Yep.

And by the way...

posted by miss lynnster at 2:27 PM on October 11, 2007


I was thinking of more of a "with stupid" sort of "with boobs".
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:33 PM on October 11, 2007


Ahhhhh. Yeah, that too.
Actually, I was kinda wondering. But since we've met I figured you were probably teasing me. :)
posted by miss lynnster at 2:43 PM on October 11, 2007


And by the way...

Mulva? Is that you?
posted by ericb at 2:53 PM on October 11, 2007


I hereby willingly authenticate, as a woman, by the power of grayskull, by the shining big-sea-water, by the power vested in the chested, that those protuberances you wore to the tmbg show were the stereo splendor of the natural bosom.

But you can probably verify from same that I am crazy as a soup sandwich.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:56 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


There is very little less crazy than a soup sandwich.

Unless by "crazy" you mean "crazy delicious."
posted by dersins at 3:10 PM on October 11, 2007


Thanks for the kind words, YamwotIam! Now drink plenty of water and try not to puke in your bed.

And don't ever post a suggestion this dumb again!
posted by languagehat at 4:03 PM on October 11, 2007


"I don't see any downside."

You're not wearing your glasses, again.
posted by oddman at 4:09 PM on October 11, 2007


"I don't see any downside."

I think the room was already spinning a little for the Yam, so he wasn't quite sure about his ups or downs.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:15 PM on October 11, 2007


Is it getting hot in here?
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 4:50 PM on October 11, 2007


Dunno. I took off all my clothes, just in case.
posted by Kwine at 4:58 PM on October 11, 2007


n00b deluge
n00b deluge
l00b da nuge!"


Nuke LaLoosh
LA-LOOSH
L A LOOSH!
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:54 PM on October 11, 2007


He's called Language Fat.

LanguagePhat, mofo.
posted by jonmc at 6:40 PM on October 11, 2007


l00b da nuge!

You'll have to lift his loincloth.
posted by jonmc at 6:45 PM on October 11, 2007


Is this one of those special posts that stay at the top of your comments page for a month?
posted by roll truck roll at 7:00 PM on October 11, 2007


i think that's a great idea, roll truck roll!
posted by pyramid termite at 8:34 PM on October 11, 2007


Dissenting voice here.
posted by YamwotIam at 8:48 PM on October 11, 2007 [3 favorites]


That's a bad idea - we should stop now so it scrolls into oblivion.
posted by dg at 8:50 PM on October 11, 2007


I don't see any downside.
posted by trip and a half at 8:53 PM on October 11, 2007


HA HA HA!! I CANNOT BE STOPPED!! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME!! HA HA HA HA!!
posted by pyramid termite at 9:27 PM on October 11, 2007


This thread will have no downside. It will be endless. It has been declared. Please continue commenting. Everyone.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:31 PM on October 11, 2007


this thread... it has no downside
nor upside!
...nor inside or outside!
by Jove I belive it may just be...
virtual!

*tries, head canted, to grasp thread*
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:43 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


it's not a virtual thread, it's a mobius thread

speaking of which, you never want to wear a business suit made out of mobius threads as you'll disappear

or your clothes will - and that could be really embarrassing
posted by pyramid termite at 9:51 PM on October 11, 2007


flapjax at midnite: "Please continue commenting. Everyone."
I refuse to be told what to do and will not comment here.
posted by dg at 10:17 PM on October 11, 2007


Well, after that comment, obviously.
posted by dg at 10:17 PM on October 11, 2007


Damnit! I mean after that comment.
posted by dg at 10:18 PM on October 11, 2007


Fuck! Not that comment, that one!
posted by dg at 10:18 PM on October 11, 2007


dg, your comments have been duly noted.

Care to elaborate, though?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:19 PM on October 11, 2007


What am I doing wrong?
posted by dg at 10:19 PM on October 11, 2007


That's the existential conundrum.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:20 PM on October 11, 2007


I love the word "conundrum". Also "thwart".
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:21 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


beeves, kerfuffle, obviate and schwa.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:27 PM on October 11, 2007 [2 favorites]


o ya markov pumping time
pumping pumping pumping pumping pumping pumping pumping pumping beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves beeves nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip nullip whangdoodle snozzwanger vermicious knid
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:32 PM on October 11, 2007


Sparkle Motion.
Commitment.

Doubting.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:38 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


solidarity. antebellum. crisp.
posted by Kwine at 10:41 PM on October 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


Applications
* as a clothes line
* binding bales in a baler
* binding small parcels
* binding straw in a binder
* gloves made out of wrapped twine in Muay Thai
* making nets
* the tying of lashings
* whipping the end of a rope
* a toy for a pet cat
posted by roll truck roll at 10:49 PM on October 11, 2007


Sure, I'd keep posting but I've gotta get some sleep. Gotta get up at five o'clock in the morning and "Sparkle, Lynnster! Sparkle!"
posted by miss lynnster at 11:11 PM on October 11, 2007


Sparkle? Meh. I got bunnies that ejaculate freakin' rainbows!
posted by Sparx at 11:25 PM on October 11, 2007


'Thwart' rocks. 'Conundrum' not so much.
posted by pompomtom at 11:25 PM on October 11, 2007


I got rainbows that freak ejaculatin' bunnies!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:27 PM on October 11, 2007


i got bunnies that ejaculate freakin' rainbows!
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:40 AM on October 12, 2007


I made the mistake of commenting in this bastard earlier. Since I'm fucked anyway, I might as well join the blind stampede onwards to the horizons of doom.
posted by Abiezer at 1:47 AM on October 12, 2007


MetaFilter: the blind stampede onwards to the horizons of doom.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:51 AM on October 12, 2007


Abiezer, I will steal that line and put it in a song someday. I will.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:58 AM on October 12, 2007


I want to see a unicorn ejaculating rainbows, rendered in hobbytex colours on black velvet. Only that would make me happy.
posted by h00py at 2:37 AM on October 12, 2007


would magical unicorn mayonnaise tide you over until then?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:01 AM on October 12, 2007


Yeah, that's pretty much what I was thinking really. You may rest in your bed tonight content with the knowledge that you provided an animated example of someone's thought. Yay, you!
posted by h00py at 3:42 AM on October 12, 2007


My remarks are all offered under a creative commons license, flapjax, so have at it, despite the copyright notice below. The only proviso being that they often err more on the side of common than creative.
posted by Abiezer at 4:18 AM on October 12, 2007


they often err more on the side of common than creative.

Hey man, common is creative. If you know how to frame it.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:50 AM on October 12, 2007


Every member you praise was a "noob" once too. As were you.

You get all mushy and communal just in time to trash the primary value of an open community: inclusiveness. If something works, as MeFi does, why change it?
posted by spitbull at 6:55 AM on October 12, 2007


spitbull: original poster YamwotIam has already made it clear that his was a drunken post, carried on the liquid wings of glorious drunkenness, and has since admitted the error of his ways. He and everyone else has already thoroughly dismembered this idea and thrown its body parts into the vast churning sea of forgotten bad ideas. Now just let the man work off his headache in peace, okay?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:05 AM on October 12, 2007


What Flappy said.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:37 AM on October 12, 2007


I got bunnies that ejaculate freakin' rainbows!

every time your bunnies ejaculate, god kills a my little pony
posted by pyramid termite at 9:24 AM on October 12, 2007


Go bunnies.
posted by rjs at 11:16 AM on October 12, 2007


hey, guys, you're falling down on the job here
posted by pyramid termite at 8:20 PM on October 12, 2007


For the record, I'm falling down at home.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:27 PM on October 12, 2007


But don't you work at home?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:29 PM on October 12, 2007


cortex, you do NOT want to fall down at home.
posted by yhbc at 8:39 PM on October 12, 2007


I'm having chest pain!
posted by miss lynnster at 8:46 PM on October 12, 2007


Oh, shit, I'm a n00b
posted by KokuRyu at 12:00 AM on October 13, 2007


Nobody's drunk anymore?
posted by miss lynnster at 8:14 PM on October 13, 2007


Okay, I am actually taking a shot of wild turkey now. Lynnster, you fiend.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:18 PM on October 13, 2007


Opening a brand new bottle of Glenmorangie as we speak, miss l!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 11:22 PM on October 13, 2007


I'm apple martini-ing it, myself. It's doing a beautiful job of numbing my tooth pain... yay!
posted by miss lynnster at 9:15 PM on October 14, 2007


Cocksucker.
posted by CautionToTheWind at 4:13 AM on October 15, 2007


SWEN JIN!
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:43 AM on October 15, 2007


My only true preference is that it ain't been previously drunk.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:48 AM on October 15, 2007


(groans, opens eyes, peers around, collapses again)
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:03 AM on October 15, 2007


My only true preference is that it ain't been previously drunk.

Ambrosia, you are a woman of rare and discerning taste.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:47 PM on October 15, 2007


*passes Ambrosia Voyeur a bottle of pre-gargled gin*

It's OK, I didn't drink it, I just used it to brush my teeth.
posted by dg at 4:14 PM on October 15, 2007


Sounds like it might go well with a plate of free beans.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:29 AM on October 16, 2007


randomly wandering back onto the subject of n00bs, it seriously bothers me that I'm a 40k-er, we're well into the 50ksomethings (anyone know the newest member stat? cortex?) and I still consider myself a n00b. ugh. I hate being a n00b. *mutters resnetfully*

I'm done being an attention whore now. someone want to pass me some non-dg-processed gin?
posted by Phire at 8:33 AM on October 16, 2007


We're well into the realm of the 60K now, in fact.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:39 AM on October 16, 2007


seriously? scary.
posted by Phire at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2007


meh, yall need to brush up on yer Deadwood.
/was Calamity Jane for Halloween last year. Got recognized, even! Fuckin' shucks.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:50 AM on October 16, 2007


Yeah I'm drunk and going back into the old posts, so what? I just like it when someone goes 'blaaaah' all over the screen sometimes and I like to relive it with all the pithy one-liners that I would have interjected with if I'd been a. in the same time zone and b. quick on the uptake. Just thought I'd add this before the thread was closed cos actually yeah, I'm really pissed and thought I'd hang this on the end of someone else's nightmare. That's the kind of coward I am *sob!*
posted by h00py at 3:04 AM on October 26, 2007


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