Hope us cortex! December 17, 2008 2:04 AM   Subscribe

art-sam is a chronic self-linker.

And it's a well-known fact that his company is the best on-line resource for crack cocaine, child pornography, raped and mutilated puppies, and at-home-do-it-yourself cat declawing kits.
posted by bardic to Etiquette/Policy at 2:04 AM (105 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

Sam Can? Sam Can't!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:06 AM on December 17, 2008


I will not buy them with a mouse.
I will not send them to my house.
I will not buy them here or there.
I will not buy them anywhere.
I do not buy when confronted with spam.
I do not like them, art-sam-I-am.
posted by vapidave at 2:22 AM on December 17, 2008 [5 favorites]


Not to diminish your spam-catching prowess, bardic, but it seems like art-sam is not so much a straight-up spammer as much as a clueless newcomer who thinks it's okay to attach signatures to one's comments like in other fora. The fact that this is a potential ESL case clouds the matter a bit further.

Perhaps deletion of the three offending comments + A Stern Talking-To would be better than outright bannination. He's at least attempting to contribute alongside his shameless self-promotional byline, after all.
posted by Rhaomi at 2:35 AM on December 17, 2008


Art is short for Artless
posted by Jofus at 2:44 AM on December 17, 2008


Rhaomi: he just hit three comments on the blue. Counting down to the spammy FPP in 3...2...1...
posted by Ryvar at 2:48 AM on December 17, 2008


http://www.metafilter.com/77499/A-legend-takes-the-Rainbow-Bridge#2379823
posted by chuckdarwin at 2:49 AM on December 17, 2008


I flagged that one chuck as was first I'd seen . I had a similar WTF moment as you. Bad enough as it is but an obit thread seems particularly crass.
posted by Abiezer at 2:55 AM on December 17, 2008


Ryvar: "Rhaomi: he just hit three comments on the blue. Counting down to the spammy FPP in 3...2...1..."

Ah, forgot about the pre-FPP comment requirement.

Fire away then, I say! Assuming, you know, that he actually makes a self-link post.
posted by Rhaomi at 2:58 AM on December 17, 2008


The flagging mechanism works just fine for this since it was fairly obvious. I had already deleted his spammy comments before seeing this metatalk post.
posted by vacapinta at 3:24 AM on December 17, 2008


I've been totally stumped on gifts this year. Thank you for pointing out a wonderful site I may not have otherwise found.
posted by gman at 4:04 AM on December 17, 2008


Could we have bardic's call out in the Davy Graham post removed now that the offending comment has gone? Led me to assume that the FPP had a self link in it as saw the call out but the comment was already disappeared.
posted by Gratishades at 4:09 AM on December 17, 2008


Don't link to his site.
posted by chillmost at 4:17 AM on December 17, 2008


I'm the king of the castle and you're a dirty rascal.
posted by gman at 4:23 AM on December 17, 2008


Did someone say "chronic"? *looking around* Oh. Never mind.
posted by not_on_display at 4:27 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


So, the coke comes inside the figurine, or what?
posted by a robot made out of meat at 4:44 AM on December 17, 2008


No, it is the figurine.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:13 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


The flagging mechanism works just fine for this since it was fairly obvious.

Speaking of fairly obvious...
posted by burnmp3s at 5:28 AM on December 17, 2008


And it's a well-known fact that his company is the best on-line resource for crack cocaine, child pornography, raped and mutilated puppies, and at-home-do-it-yourself cat declawing kits.

If you were trying to call him out why did you give him such great free advertising?
posted by Pollomacho at 5:59 AM on December 17, 2008


And it's a well-known fact that his company is the best on-line resource for crack cocaine, child pornography, raped and mutilated puppies, and at-home-do-it-yourself cat declawing kits.

Also, please don't do this. Not only are you linking to the potential self-linker's site [I mean I get what you're doing but it's still traffic] you're potentially creating a mod headache later on. While I'm all in favor of pointing out crappy SEO dirtbags and banning them as hard as possible, they're often jerks to deal with later on and when they see links like bardic's above, they can sometimes come after us -- well mathowie -- with all sorts of eye-rolling OMG talk, demanding not only their $5 back but hollering about "defamation" and whatever the hell.

We can mark them and keep an eye on them, MeTa free-for-alls are more likely to result in the thread being closed and/or disappeared than anything useful once the account has been identified.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:00 AM on December 17, 2008 [7 favorites]


That link is also NSFW
posted by DU at 6:04 AM on December 17, 2008


Is there going to be a flameout here or what? I'm home with a broken bone in my foot. I've exhausted all the porn outlets on the internet, and the oxycodone buzz is nice, so a full on brawl would be the perfect thing to keep me entertained.
posted by jonmc at 6:24 AM on December 17, 2008 [2 favorites]


"I've exhausted all the porn outlets on the internet"

We find that hard to swallow.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 6:32 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well, all the free ones I'd care to look at, anyway. I need entertainment dammit!
posted by jonmc at 6:35 AM on December 17, 2008


I'm 100% agreed with Jessamyn on the "let's not make a great big goddam commotion about it" thing, especially in the middle of the night when we're not even around to do anything about. Flag the spam and vacapinta can nab it (ding!); send us a heads up via the contact form and we'll get on it when we're out of bed (ding!).

Works pretty well and doesn't trip the spammer's Drama switch, and believe me when I say there are few things more tedious than a wronged spammer's righteous emails.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:41 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


I flagged it. Sorry for the snippy reply to sam-i-am, but it seemed like a really bad thread for him to do that in. I mean, really. If you're going to blatantly spam the blue, there are better threads for it. Like, the ones about, erm, anything but dead folks.
posted by chuckdarwin at 6:45 AM on December 17, 2008


Stop snitchin', MeFi.
posted by electroboy at 6:49 AM on December 17, 2008


"I've exhausted all the porn outlets on the internet"

We find that hard to swallow.

Actually, that's the first genre I tend to exhaust.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:07 AM on December 17, 2008


My blog is an especially good resource for learning how to deal with SEO spammers.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:13 AM on December 17, 2008 [4 favorites]


I've exhausted all the porn outlets on the internet...

Check your MefiMail.

posted by Pronoiac at 9:19 AM on December 17, 2008


I would have flagged it, but this is the first I'm seeing it. Still would be nice to see a huge pre-holiday meltdown, though. Hope you get well soon, jonmc.
posted by fixedgear at 9:48 AM on December 17, 2008


Jon, if you send me your address, I can mail you porn.

(The porn we have is pretty boring stuff, even the weird tranny shit, and I find that it pales in comparison to the internet, but hell, I was raised in a different age and maybe magazines and DVDs still have romance for you or something. I can also send you a promo book or two if I can find 'em lying around, but they're often pretty awful too.)
posted by klangklangston at 10:24 AM on December 17, 2008


Also, everyone is jerks and wrong but me, especially all of you and I am willing to fight about how stupid your opinions are on everything.

(Happy now, Jon?)
posted by klangklangston at 10:26 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


I will not buy them with a mouse.
I will not send them to my house.


Which country is it where you buy can things with mice? I am going there. Pockets full of mice. Sounds good.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:36 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


For some reason klang offering Jon porn brings a warm glow to my heart. That's real friendship. Like back in the good old days when there was one ropey German porn mix-tape that someone had brought back from Hamburg or Amsterdam that got passed around my group of friends whenever anyone broke up with his girlfriend. It was pretty heinous, but it was a sign, ya know? D'ya see what you guys have done? I'm now waxing lyrical about dodgy German porn.
posted by ob at 10:41 AM on December 17, 2008 [3 favorites]


Tickled pink, klang. (but I was just kidding around. except about the broken bone. being immobile sux.)
posted by jonmc at 10:41 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


klangklangston: "Also, everyone is jerks and wrong but me, especially all of you and I am willing to fight about how stupid your opinions are on everything.

Your toes are dirty.
posted by Science! at 10:42 AM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


Which country is it where you buy can things with mice?

canada - especially sascatchewan

catzakhstan

felindland

catar

and madacatsgar
posted by pyramid termite at 10:49 AM on December 17, 2008 [5 favorites]


at-home-do-it-yourself cat declawing kits

I am so totally there. Do they also make kits for dogs? Children? Goldfish?

Seriously, goldfish. You should see the damage my goldfish has done to my couch with his claws.
posted by rand at 10:57 AM on December 17, 2008


"Your toes are dirty."

I HAVE A MATCH WITH YOUR BUTT AND MY FACE NO WAIT
posted by klangklangston at 11:08 AM on December 17, 2008


"Tickled pink, klang."

I don't think I have any copies of that. I know that we had a copy of Two In The Pink One In The Stink around, but I think one of the security guards took it.
posted by klangklangston at 11:10 AM on December 17, 2008 [3 favorites]


klangklangston: "Your toes are dirty."

I HAVE A MATCH WITH YOUR BUTT AND MY FACE NO WAIT


NO I WILL NOT WAIT!!
* reading again *
OH YOU MEAN NO WAITING! AWERIGHTY!!!!!
posted by not_on_display at 11:29 AM on December 17, 2008


* lights match with your face on it, on my butt *

[yay strike anywhere!]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:38 AM on December 17, 2008 [2 favorites]


All right, I'm closing this thread.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:59 AM on December 17, 2008


*lights cigarette butt with jessamyn's butt match, sticks in face*
posted by jonmc at 12:04 PM on December 17, 2008


*Drinks bourbon and watches the world burn*
posted by Science! at 12:11 PM on December 17, 2008


I've exhausted all the porn outlets on the internet, and the oxycodone buzz is nice, so a full on brawl would be the perfect thing to keep me entertained.


Quick! Someone make a music point! We have a moral duty here!
posted by The Whelk at 12:20 PM on December 17, 2008


Say what you want about the Smiths but
posted by Sailormom at 12:23 PM on December 17, 2008


catzakhstan

*SNORT*...best laugh I've had all week.
posted by briank at 12:24 PM on December 17, 2008


Anybody else remember that movie Rustler's Rhapsody? It was pretty good.
posted by klangklangston at 12:26 PM on December 17, 2008


"I've exhausted all the porn outlets on the internet..."

...was just kidding around. except about the broken bone."


Too much porn.

Broken bone.

A clear example of cause and effect, if ever one existed.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 12:26 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


"...we had a copy of Two In The Pink One In The Stink around..."

Simply shocking.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 12:27 PM on December 17, 2008


*kicks Smiths in the but*

(sadly, my right foot is the busted one, and that's my kicking foot)
posted by jonmc at 12:27 PM on December 17, 2008


*porn pun #3*

*exeunt*
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 12:27 PM on December 17, 2008


Simply shocking.

No, I think that one went out of print a while back.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:42 PM on December 17, 2008


AV, you can usually buy mice at pet stores in the US (dunno about California), including "pinkies" which are baby mice ostensibly for reptile consumption
posted by jtron at 12:45 PM on December 17, 2008


Simply shocking.

No, I think that one went out of print a while back.


You two are thinking of "Simple Shocker".
posted by inigo2 at 12:51 PM on December 17, 2008


I think steampunk is a fascinating and worthwhile subculture. I love reading articles on the subject, and bookmark them along with Cracked top ten lists.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:56 PM on December 17, 2008


You two are thinking of "Simple Shocker".

That's not a Van de Graaf fetishist video is it? 'Cause if it is that's the one I was thinking of.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:04 PM on December 17, 2008


I think steampunk is a fascinating and worthwhile subculture. I love reading articles on the subject, and bookmark them along with Cracked top ten lists.


That's nice. (Percocet is wonderful stuff)
posted by jonmc at 1:06 PM on December 17, 2008


I'm disappointed. When I read the tag, I thought the spammer was going to turn out to be John Parr.
posted by amyms at 1:09 PM on December 17, 2008


I think steampunk is a fascinating and worthwhile subculture. I love reading articles on the subject, and bookmark them along with Cracked top ten lists.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing


I strongly disagree and think we should shout at each other on the internet until someone is proven wrong or cries, whatever happens first.

As for myself, I'm going to try and only use one sheet of toilet paper a day, eat only locally grown vegetables that have been harvested after the bunny rabbits have had their fill. I will blog about it and the vortex of self-righteousness around me will suck the excess carbon out of the atmosphere.

And daisies will fall out of my butt.

And the hell with steampunk, dieselpunk is cooler.
posted by marxchivist at 1:09 PM on December 17, 2008


(sadly, my right foot is the busted one, and that's my kicking foot)

Oh, Jon, I know you are Still Ill and must feel like Half a Person, but there's no no need to Panic. After all, These Things Take Time. I mean, Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before, but at least it's not like you have a Girlfriend in a Coma. Although, I understand feeling down. It's this damn time of year, and Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now. While we all want to cry, "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want!" ultimately, the question is "What Difference Does It Make?"

Sorry, I really am. I Know It's Over. Anyway, I'd keep going but That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore.
posted by piratebowling at 1:12 PM on December 17, 2008 [11 favorites]


Anybody else remember that movie Rustler's Rhapsody?

Is that the one where everyone drinks whiskey with a human hair in it?
posted by Bookhouse at 1:27 PM on December 17, 2008


Heh. You can see my boo-boo if you want.
posted by jonmc at 1:28 PM on December 17, 2008


reptile consumption
Isn't that what Bob Dole had?
posted by Floydd at 1:29 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


Show some flesh or STFU
posted by The Whelk at 1:30 PM on December 17, 2008


You're thinking of cheney, floydd.
posted by boo_radley at 1:30 PM on December 17, 2008


I thought he had cat scratch fever.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:36 PM on December 17, 2008


Show some flesh or STFU

Your wish is my command, dude...
posted by jonmc at 1:46 PM on December 17, 2008


Oddly, jonmc's voice sounds just as I expected it to.
posted by alpha_betty at 1:46 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


omg are we playing jonmc is Tranked Truth or Dare the Interwebs Edition?!

I have SO many wonderful bad ideas.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:49 PM on December 17, 2008


Oh God! How did you know? Wigging toes in a cast AND a Brooklyn Tip-Top Hat AND blues music! Have you been reading my dream diary again?


I have to, um ...go be alone now
posted by The Whelk at 1:50 PM on December 17, 2008


Show some flesh or STFU

K
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:52 PM on December 17, 2008


jonmc: "Heh. You can see my boo-boo if you want."

Has anyone ever really stepped on a George Forman grill and burned their foot, or is that just something I see on the odd internet video clip?
posted by Science! at 1:55 PM on December 17, 2008


Since this thread is still open, let's talk about how fucked up it is to give dietary advice to people in the adjacent stalls in the bathroom.
posted by 0xFCAF at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2008


(also, I apologize for looking like hell. It's difficult to shower in this contraption on my foot, so I've decided to go ahead and stink and not shave.)

alpha betty: usually I'm talking about three times faster.
posted by jonmc at 1:57 PM on December 17, 2008


I say we make him sing.
posted by The Whelk at 2:01 PM on December 17, 2008


"Is that the one where everyone drinks whiskey with a human hair in it?"

Not everyone, just the town drunk.

It also has Andy Griffith's funniest role.
posted by klangklangston at 2:05 PM on December 17, 2008


Has anyone ever really stepped on a George Forman grill and burned their foot, or is that just something I see on the odd internet video clip?

I once stepped on a heating vent in the floor that was hot enough to burn my foot. It looked like I had smashed it in a waffle iron.
posted by piratebowling at 2:07 PM on December 17, 2008


(also, can anyone tell me both the title and artist of the song playing in my second video-the one for the whelk?)
posted by jonmc at 2:07 PM on December 17, 2008


"While I'm all in favor of pointing out crappy SEO dirtbags and banning them as hard as possible, they're often jerks to deal with later on and when they see links like bardic's above, they can sometimes come after us -- well mathowie -- with all sorts of eye-rolling OMG talk, demanding not only their $5 back but hollering about "defamation" and whatever the hell."
posted by jessamyn at 12:00 AM on December 18

Tell me about it. It's part of the reason I stopped updating my Metafilter spammers blog*. A couple of the spammers I indentified ended up commenting in the entry I created about them, talking about how misunderstood they were, how they werent spammers and this was defemation and blah blah blah. I decided that even though the chances were miniscule that any of them would ever actually take me to court to try and prove that they weren't something they actually are, I didn't need the headache should it ever have happened.

* That, and I got lazy. If anyone wants to take over the project though, send me a MeFi Mail and we'll talk.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:18 PM on December 17, 2008


I will gladly take over being lazy for you. Oh - you mean the blog? Not so much. Too lazy.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:21 PM on December 17, 2008


Also, if anyone wants to take over taking care of my infirm mother, memail me.

Please.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:21 PM on December 17, 2008


only if you firm her up first.
posted by jonmc at 2:23 PM on December 17, 2008


(also, can anyone tell me both the title and artist of the song playing in my second video-the one for the whelk?)

The Sky is Crying...sounds like the Albert King version.
posted by rocket88 at 2:24 PM on December 17, 2008


we have a winner! good ear, rocket88.
posted by jonmc at 2:26 PM on December 17, 2008


Art-spam. I predict it will replace steampunk in the next 5 years or so. I know this, but it will take a lot of you by surprise.
posted by Elmore at 2:28 PM on December 17, 2008


Blues, porn and Oxycodone sounds like an awesome way to spend an afternoon.
posted by rocket88 at 2:28 PM on December 17, 2008


Is that the one where everyone drinks whiskey with a human hair in it?
Rather hair than a toe.
posted by tellurian at 2:30 PM on December 17, 2008


Camwhoring? In my Metafilter?

There's only one thing to say:

TITS OR GTFO

posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 2:32 PM on December 17, 2008


It's difficult to shower in this contraption on my foot, so I've decided to go ahead and stink and not shave.

This is libel of the basest sort! I've never been near your foot, sir, and am certainly not to blame for your unwashed condition.
posted by contraption at 2:36 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


as long as you're down there, can you scratch a little? This damned cast itches.
posted by jonmc at 2:44 PM on December 17, 2008


it's all fun and games with the crippled guy until mrs. jonmc gets home.
posted by needled at 2:53 PM on December 17, 2008


damn, i missed the fun


&^%$$#@ time zones
posted by infini at 3:03 PM on December 17, 2008


Ampersand caret percent dollar dollar pound at?

You're a filthy mother-fucker, infini.
posted by quin at 3:34 PM on December 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


So, we can't make him so things no more?

Damn, I had an idea for a whole musical revue
posted by The Whelk at 5:19 PM on December 17, 2008


This thread is illegal.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:27 PM on December 17, 2008


Tomorrow's another day...and another dose.
posted by jonmc at 5:29 PM on December 17, 2008


Shop smart, shop assmart.
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:53 PM on December 17, 2008


God bless America. Jon breaks his foot and gets oxys and percocet. When I broke mine, I got a withering look, a preremptory handwave and a stretchy bandage.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:22 PM on December 17, 2008


contraption is my boyfirend. he's asleep at the wheel. this is what he gets in lieu of sharpies on the face.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:53 AM on December 18, 2008


TITS OR GTFO

Gas, grass, or ass - no one cams for free!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:27 AM on December 18, 2008


I doubt you want any of those from me, yo.
posted by jonmc at 7:15 AM on December 18, 2008


So, his account is disabled. Did he try to post an actual self-link apart from his 'signature' thingy?
posted by Happy Dave at 8:26 AM on December 18, 2008


I had knee surgery in college and got a bunch of percocet for it. I didn't like it, so I sold it to random bad-musician dude across the hallway.

This is the only time I've ever dealt drugs. But now you fuckers will make sure I never get to be president, won't you?

Fucking fuckers.

Get well soon jonmc.
posted by bardic at 9:06 AM on December 18, 2008


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