A bit less of the old ultraviolence, please December 28, 2008 4:00 PM   Subscribe

"Hi, I'm from MetaFilter, and I wish to hunt you down, bury you alive and beat you Clockwork Orange-style because I dislike your blog post."

Even within the intended meta-context of alternate reality, this is completely over-the-line. Are the mods still on holiday, or are we seriously allowing it to stay up?
posted by cillit bang to Etiquette/Policy at 4:00 PM (110 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

In context of the blog post about how ARGs are over the top and suck for all but the most intense players, the comment doesn't come across as literal and violent to me. It sounds like the same silliness you hear in the plots of some ARGs.

I'm really surprised so many people didn't understand or like the main post because I thought it was spot-on. ARGs are an interesting idea and I agree with the author of the presentation that they need to rethink their approaches to attract more people into games.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 4:03 PM on December 28, 2008


If you view the source of this call-out you see a code containing the words "smallcopy", "flagdrop" and "reason", followed by a crypric series of words and numbers like "Verdana" and "9px".... The game is afoot!
posted by Artw at 4:10 PM on December 28, 2008 [7 favorites]


That strikes me as sympathetic irony layed on with a trowel. It's certainly not a threat. Methinks Thou Dost Overthink, Perchance A Very PlatesWorth.
posted by Sparx at 4:12 PM on December 28, 2008


This is great! We've got Israel/Palestine, atheism and Stalin on the go and the MeTa callout comes from a computer games thread. This is why I'm not a betting man.
posted by Abiezer at 4:16 PM on December 28, 2008 [31 favorites]


What Matt said, pretty much. I've seen wacko psycho over-the-top threats and this is not one of them.

This is why I'm not a betting man

It's like that crazy volatility during market closing. 2008 is almost over and people need to, I don't know, balance their metafilter portfolios or something.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:20 PM on December 28, 2008 [2 favorites]


/Decodes the CSS, goes out to a very specific tree in a very specific forest, is bludgend to death with crowbar by adipocere.
posted by Artw at 4:24 PM on December 28, 2008 [3 favorites]


We were just plain confused. Does someone have an English translation of that post?
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 4:39 PM on December 28, 2008


This call out is so over the top I want to track down whatever wrote it and kill it *bang*.
posted by knapah at 4:40 PM on December 28, 2008


"I've seen wacko psycho over-the-top threats and this is not one of them."

Well, sure, we had a memo that said "Bin Laden determined to attack inside the U.S., but that's not what it meant."
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 4:40 PM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


Please to shift the end quotation mark to the right of "U.S", kthx.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 4:41 PM on December 28, 2008


I read it precisely as mathowie did. Within the intended meta-context of alternate reality, as you put it, it's perfectly fine.
posted by nthdegx at 4:49 PM on December 28, 2008


This may be the most awesome geek fight I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of geek fights.
posted by MrMoonPie at 4:50 PM on December 28, 2008


So, flagging it and moving on wasn't enough for you. Sending me a couple of MeMails wasn't enough for you. Congratulations, you're an honorary American, since you wanted some dramatic John Wayne showdown at high midnight your time. I'm not sure what you think it's going to accomplish, since about the most that would likely come of it is a deleted comment. So, I'm just going to shrug and move on.

And ArtW, I like you enough that I would not bludgeon you to death with a crowbar. I'd sacrifice you to the Great Old Ones in a ring of twelve young sycamore trees, because you're cool like that, and the greatest kindness I can offer is that you be eaten first. And we'd have to watch Hardware first, and take a shot every time that damn robot comes back from the dead. That means I'd probably be too drunk to get the ritual right, and would instead summon up Penis Unicorns, and die a ghastly, sparkly, magical death by impalement for my presumption in summoning Their Rainbow Eminences.

*sits back and waits for someone to take that seriously, too*
posted by adipocere at 4:51 PM on December 28, 2008 [11 favorites]


Intended meta-context is everything.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:54 PM on December 28, 2008 [2 favorites]


Well, it's how I would have wanted to go out, probably.
posted by Artw at 5:02 PM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


The burying alive is way worser than the tolchocking. ASK ME HOW I KNOW, MOTHERFUCKERS!
posted by Mister_A at 5:15 PM on December 28, 2008


I read it as an attempt to do Zero Punctuation without the expressiveness of audio.
posted by SPrintF at 5:21 PM on December 28, 2008


How do you know, Mister_A?
posted by Caduceus at 5:22 PM on December 28, 2008


I got nothing. It was rhetorical chest-pounding, and you called me out. I am ashamed.
posted by Mister_A at 5:29 PM on December 28, 2008 [3 favorites]


The worst thing about this post is that it links to a comment made a certain user, in response to a post and then links the user profile of said certain user and then links the user profile of who he was talking to.WHATTHEFUCK? Those last two links are completely unnecessary and add nothing to your post..

No bedtime Obama speeches for you!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:30 PM on December 28, 2008


So, flagging it and moving on wasn't enough for you.

That is not our way.
posted by Joe Beese at 5:33 PM on December 28, 2008


If you want to know what happened to Mister_A go to the service station where he disapeared at noon on monday. Tell no one.
posted by Artw at 5:38 PM on December 28, 2008


Yeah, this is a bullshit callout. I direct you to this, from the linked talk/rant:

If I see another broadcaster or, well, anyone, proclaim that the future of entertainment is something like Lonelygirl or KateModern or some other tv show on the web, I’ll kill a broadcaster, thus in the long run doing something concrete to deal with my rage.


The comment by adipocere is clearly in the spirit of that kind of over-the-top rhetoric; only a brain-dead baboon could seriously think physical violence was threatened.

Can we go back to bickering about Stalin now?
posted by languagehat at 5:43 PM on December 28, 2008


You are all on my list for this.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 5:44 PM on December 28, 2008


"...and would instead summon up Penis Unicorns, and die a ghastly, sparkly, magical death by impalement for my presumption in summoning Their Rainbow Eminences.

*sits back and waits for someone to take that seriously, too*"


You are a sick, sick individual.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 5:47 PM on December 28, 2008


Work smarter, not harder!

Maybe it was an afterthought?
posted by C17H19NO3 at 5:48 PM on December 28, 2008


Awesome things about 2008: The people make light of Stalin but never make light of Hitler meme dead and buried forever.
posted by Artw at 5:48 PM on December 28, 2008


You know who else is dead and buried forever?









That's right, a dead Penis Unicorn.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 6:40 PM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


Can we go back to bickering about Stalin now?

or stickering about ballin'...whatever..
posted by jonmc at 6:52 PM on December 28, 2008


If you want a completely gruesome shot of what my demise will look like, I think the third panel of this is probably pretty close.
posted by adipocere at 6:53 PM on December 28, 2008


I can't believe that I am so bored that I actually went to the linked post and looked for the terrible threats. Nope, no terrible threats. Came back here and tried to figure out what the hell this is all about and I really can't figure it out. This game sucks.

Picks up shovel......
posted by The Light Fantastic at 7:24 PM on December 28, 2008


I like how CollegeHumor.com strategically placed their crappy logo to ruin that Perry Bible Fellowship strip.
posted by Artw at 7:29 PM on December 28, 2008 [4 favorites]


TOT MOM!! TOT MOM!!! TOT MOM!!

TOT MOM!!!!!
posted by orthogonality at 7:32 PM on December 28, 2008


I quit.
posted by Sailormom at 7:41 PM on December 28, 2008


It's like that crazy volatility during market closing. 2008 is almost over and people need to, I don't know, balance their metafilter portfolios or something.

i tried doing that and ended up with a bunch of hot beans in my lap
posted by pyramid termite at 7:53 PM on December 28, 2008


This is all well and good, but what do I do about this pain in me gulliver?
posted by electroboy at 8:45 PM on December 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


electroboy: This is all well and good, but what do I do about this pain in me gulliver?

As Beethoven's glorious 9th comes to its climax, you should viddy yourself very clear, running and running on like very light and mysterious feet, carving the whole face of the creeching world with your cut throat britva. You'll be cured all right.
posted by Kattullus at 9:48 PM on December 28, 2008


LATE ENTRY FOR WORST CALLOUT OF 2008!

sorry for all the shouting lately
posted by GuyZero at 9:58 PM on December 28, 2008


...penis unicorns...

that makes me hot.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:59 PM on December 28, 2008


2008 is almost over and people need to, I don't know, balance their metafilter portfolios or something.

I am short selling metafilter in 2009. It's the only way I'll recover my losses.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:02 PM on December 28, 2008


Astro Zombie and Artw, take it offline or something.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 10:54 PM on December 28, 2008


I've read everything related to this and I don't understand. That's just God telling that it's way past bedtime.
posted by Kwine at 12:39 AM on December 29, 2008


It's an ARG with a transcript of some petty bickering as a prize.
posted by Artw at 12:45 AM on December 29, 2008


That's your big mistake, Kwine. I have briefly skimmed this thread without following any of the links, and I understand completely.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:52 AM on December 29, 2008


Sending me a couple of MeMails wasn't enough for you

Which you responded to by being abusive rather than demonstrating you're actually a reasonable person, and yet somehow you're aghast I post a MeTa callout accusing you of being an abusive arsehole?

only a brain-dead baboon could seriously think physical violence was threatened

And only a brain-dead baboon could seriously think that's what this callout was about.

I guess we're even.
posted by cillit bang at 2:55 AM on December 29, 2008


God bless us, every one.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:29 AM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Can we go back to bickering about Stalin now?
In the seventies I passed by a Communist bookshop in Sydney and they had a portrait of Stalin but it was in reverse. If you were in the shop it was a positive silk portrait but looking in from the street it was negative. I quite liked the effect, bought it, took it home, and hung it - in the negative. The in-laws came over for dinner not long after and I was served a large dish of how bad Stalin was. Negative or not.
posted by tellurian at 4:16 AM on December 29, 2008


I quit.
posted by Sailormom


Wow, that was the lamest flameout ever!
posted by Pollomacho at 4:47 AM on December 29, 2008


I responded to your emails by being abusive? Really? The text of my first MeMail wholly consisted of "I haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about. Could you be more specific?" — generally speaking, when receiving a profanity-laden, odd message from a complete stranger late at night, I do not waste a great deal of time trying to figure out what they're going on about. I went to bed wondering if there was some flaw in the system and the message had been mis-directed to me. (I must say, your choice in profanities gave me a good stab at your nationality, and I turned out to be correct. Fascinating, the things speech reveals.)

Stop reading now, gentlefolk, because the terrible, cruel text of my second message is about to be revealed!

"Ah, you're one of THOSE. You should probably also protest to Tim Krabbe, #0469104, too."

Yes, my cruelty is on display for all to see. Witness my harsh language. Stare aghast at my abusiveness!

[Editor's Note: Tim Krabbe, IMDB #0469104, wrote the novel which became both the original and the somewhat watered-down American version of The Vanishing; the reference was just as obscure as sending me various ID numbers as I had received, and was designed to prompt the thoughtful into realizing that, yes, that would also be fiction.]

As far as I can tell, the point of your post was that you felt I should have shown up in MeMails, figuratively and privately, sackcloth and ashes complete, palms chafed from the incessant hand-wringing I should be doing at feeling so very, very bad. Having failed to do that at the prompting of your revealed wisdom, a call to the Powers That Be was your next recourse. Short of that, a good, old-fashioned group shaming. A call to arms, good fellows, and here are piles of rocks to the right and left!

The first will not happen, the mods have taken a pass on the second, and as to the third, apparently the wisdom of the crowd was capable of parsing the intent of my text where you either missed it or ignored it for the sake of your panicky "shame on you!" argument.

Clearly, you have some very strange ideas of what abusive entails, in addition to your inability to suss out intention and discern fantasy from fact.

Here is something you will consider real abuse: I have no patience for your histrionics. I condemn you to live in the horrible world you have created for yourself, full of threatening shadows and sinister design in everything which does not go your way. Good-bye, and good riddance.
posted by adipocere at 5:16 AM on December 29, 2008 [29 favorites]


Can we still mob somebody? I'd hate to think I brought this pitch fork and flaming torch for nothing.
posted by Pollomacho at 5:42 AM on December 29, 2008


"I wish to hunt you down, bury you alive and beat you Clockwork Orange-style because I dislike your blog post."

posted by cillit bang


This "cillit bang" (bang?) sounds like a dangerous user who should be banned from the Internet.
posted by DU at 6:45 AM on December 29, 2008


cillit bang is a good guy, i've met him, he has awesome ginger hair too!
posted by By The Grace of God at 6:55 AM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: Condemned to live in the horrible world you have created for yourself, full of threatening shadows and sinister design in everything which does not go your way.
posted by netbros at 7:21 AM on December 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


Condemned to live in the horrible world you have created for yourself, full of threatening shadows and sinister design in everything which does not go your way.

Christmas with the family again, eh?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:56 AM on December 29, 2008 [11 favorites]


Stalin's grave is just another communist plot.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:29 AM on December 29, 2008 [7 favorites]


I take the thread title to mean that it's the old aspect that's played out. Assault with a blunt object, a slow death by suffocation after being buried alive... *yawn* We need more new ultraviolence.

"I want to reduce every bone in your body to a fine gel with a weaponized ultrasound device, and then immerse you in a vat teeming with genetically-engineered blood-sucking guppies, because I dislike your blog post."
posted by CKmtl at 9:57 AM on December 29, 2008


Wouldn't they need to be genetically-engineered gel-sucking guppies?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:23 AM on December 29, 2008


"Hi, I'm from Metafilter and I want to bury you alive in bees, because I dislike your blog post."
posted by The Whelk at 10:46 AM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Beads?
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:48 AM on December 29, 2008


No, the blood isn't affected. The guppies suck out the blood and leave the osteogel behind.
posted by CKmtl at 10:53 AM on December 29, 2008


Beads?

"Lo! The arts and crafts section of Staples shall be your tomb!"
posted by The Whelk at 10:55 AM on December 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


I've had a joking "Hey, you like scrapbooking!" met with a threat of deadly violence before.
posted by Artw at 10:58 AM on December 29, 2008


And with good reason.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:59 AM on December 29, 2008


Lucy and Edna where having an informal meeting of the Westboro Scrap booking Society over tea. They had both lost family members recently and turned to scrap booking for comfort.

"Edna! Your Memory Book is bound in such soft leather! Did you do it yourself?"

"Oh yes" Edna smiles while cutting the ends of ribbons . "I do everything by hand."

Lucy turned the book over. Near the spine was a small mark. Almost like a ...like a ...freckle. Just like her husband used to have, right near the small of his back. Lucy started to scream but Edna quickly and deftly lunged forward. Lucy stopped screaming. Edna smiled again. Exacto blades have so many uses, don't they?
posted by The Whelk at 11:16 AM on December 29, 2008 [9 favorites]


Yup, the first search result for Penis Unicorn is pretty much what you would expect.
posted by euphorb at 12:16 PM on December 29, 2008


All I wanted for Christmas was to ski Taos.
posted by yeti at 1:43 PM on December 29, 2008


It's like you guys don't even have the energy to start a real rabble. *sigh*
posted by Bageena at 1:46 PM on December 29, 2008


cillit pushed the big red button over this tiff? And without an f-u-send-off post? Kids these days just don't know how to flame out the right way.
posted by nomisxid at 2:25 PM on December 29, 2008


I think the thing that bugs me most about this is that "and beat you Clockwork Orange-style"
was, as far as I can tell, never said, or never even implied enough to be wildly "paraphrased" like that.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 2:27 PM on December 29, 2008


cillit pushed the big red button over this tiff?

What? BOOO!
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 2:56 PM on December 29, 2008


Now that that's settled....

If anybody wants a late Xmas present, a few months back me and pips bought tickets to see Chuck Berry at BB KIng's Bar & Grille on New Years Eve. With my foot injury, we can't go. Whoever wants them can have 'em free of charge (although some beer and cigarettes wouldn't be refused). Contact via mefi mail.
posted by jonmc at 3:20 PM on December 29, 2008


Do you make no distinction between MetaChat and MetaFilter?
posted by gleuschk at 3:22 PM on December 29, 2008


Staples has an arts-and-crafts section?!?
posted by GrammarMoses at 3:44 PM on December 29, 2008


I'll take those, jon.

Hey, guys, I have a pair of tickets to see Chuck Berry at BB King's Bar & Grille on New Years Eve, and I am selling them cheap. MeMail me for details.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:46 PM on December 29, 2008 [3 favorites]


Oh man! I'm gonna miss cillit bang.
posted by Kattullus at 4:36 PM on December 29, 2008




I really didn't understand why you'd want your user name to be clit bang anyways. Weird.
posted by CwgrlUp at 6:24 PM on December 29, 2008


A couple years back, when I was but a n00b here at MeFi, cillit bang called me an attention whore. It was a nasty, cheap shot that I didn't deserve, thank you very much. And I've noted, in the ensuing years, that cillit bang's comments have on many an occasion been bilious and mean spirited. So I must say I'm not one iota displeased to see cillit bang has seen fit to depart. Bye.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:57 PM on December 29, 2008


"And only a brain-dead baboon could seriously think that's what this callout was about."

Well pass me a banana, the hemorrhoid cream and a cold towel. What was this callout about? Not to prolong the ugliness, but seriously...
posted by nthdegx at 7:27 PM on December 29, 2008


flapjax, out of interest I tracked down that thread and it appears to me that it is the comment after cillit bang's that was calling you an attention whore. If it's the right thread, cillit bang did nothing of the sort.
posted by nthdegx at 7:31 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


He disabled his account over this? Really? This?

Am I missing something, or is there no there there? This seems to be full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
posted by MythMaker at 7:39 PM on December 29, 2008


Wait... did cillit bang actually leave? Can I have his user number? He's in that primo 19k range that still gets talked about at meetups. Not trying to be callous or anything, but I'm an attention whore and it's kind of hard to be taken serious at 41,510.
posted by Bageena at 7:40 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh dear. Now I feel really bad. But thanks for setting that straight, nthdegx.

And although my credibility may be now (justifiably) questioned, I still stand by the 2nd part of my comment, that is, that I've found bang's comments often very mean-spirited. But apologies to cillit bang for the mischaracterization/misquoting. Serious apologies.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:46 PM on December 29, 2008


Now I am tempted to call you an attention whore.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:38 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


...says the guy who's too good to be a regular old zombie. Ooh, look at me, I'm an Astro Zombie. Aren't I fancy with these glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on my rotting flesh?
posted by electroboy at 10:54 PM on December 29, 2008 [4 favorites]


He's in that primo 19k range that still gets talked about at meetups.

Oh wow, being a member of the first wave of five dollar n00bz has cachet now? After all these years I'm finally "with it."
posted by nanojath at 11:13 PM on December 29, 2008


Hey, I didn't ask to be a reanimated astronaut. Talk to Dr. DrMarco. He's the freaking genius who thought solar powered undead astronauts would go over like gangbusters.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:59 AM on December 30, 2008


This isn't even about boyzone and people are closing their accounts? Teach me to not check metatalk every day.
posted by maxwelton at 2:20 AM on December 30, 2008


the annoying is strong in this thread.
posted by Hat Maui at 3:11 AM on December 30, 2008


Gangbusters are so last century.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:24 AM on December 30, 2008


Asscrackers.

As in, these crackers are assy.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:30 AM on December 30, 2008


Don't worry, it won't be long until the under-100,000 crew is where it's at.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:11 PM on December 30, 2008


I know someday my time will come and the 20,000s will be the shit and I will be worshiped as some kind of man-god. BTW, does anyone feel like worshiping me like some kind of man-god?
posted by ob at 12:22 PM on December 30, 2008


I'm in under the man-god wire!

(It's piano wire, so don't try to limbo under it, you 30k+ noobs!)
posted by grobstein at 1:10 PM on December 30, 2008


I don't know why people still crow about their low user numbers when number of favorites is where it's at he said knowing he was gaming the system in favor of himself.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:12 PM on December 30, 2008


I don't know why people still crow about their low user numbers when number of favorites is where it's at

Is it?

IS IT?

Ok, fair enough, it probably is.
posted by ob at 1:53 PM on December 30, 2008 [1 favorite]


The real trick is to have more favorites than your user number.
posted by smackfu at 3:41 PM on December 30, 2008


The real trick is to have more favorites than Astro Zombie does.
posted by dunkadunc at 4:18 PM on December 30, 2008


I wish I had more favorites
than Astro Zombie does.
But as it is I'm just a neon light
without a buzz.
I'm like a Georgia peach
that ain't got no peach fuzz.
I wish I had more favorites
than Astro Zombie does.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:16 PM on December 30, 2008


cillit bang is a good guy, i've met him, he has awesome ginger hair too!

Wait, wait, wait. cillit bang is a guy?
posted by homunculus at 9:25 PM on December 30, 2008 [2 favorites]


Wait wait wait.... this chitty chitty bang bang dude didn't even post the original thread? And adipocere just posted a random "going to beat and bury you" post. Then chitty chitty got all pissy about adipocere's post and started harassing him about it? I think I might have crossed the finish line...... Lord some people need to get a life!

This is why I don't play in metatalk.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:41 AM on December 31, 2008


Me neither.
posted by electroboy at 7:02 AM on December 31, 2008 [1 favorite]


Except for just then.
posted by electroboy at 7:02 AM on December 31, 2008 [1 favorite]


...and then.
posted by electroboy at 7:02 AM on December 31, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh, no - not yet another Metatalk thread about electroboy!
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:23 AM on December 31, 2008


If I reactiviate my 21K number, will that lend me more credibility, or make me look like a lemming?
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:44 AM on December 31, 2008


Oh, no - not yet another Metatalk thread about electroboy!

Jealous.
posted by electroboy at 11:31 AM on December 31, 2008


Wait... did cillit bang actually leave? Can I have his user number? He's in that primo 19k range that still gets talked about at meetups. Not trying to be callous or anything, but I'm an attention whore and it's kind of hard to be taken serious at 41,510.
Oh, you people with your puny life-goals ("primo 19k range" - surely you aren't serious). Really, if you don't have the chutzpah to off someone from the clearly superior 14k brigade just to take over their use number, I'd question your dedication to this place.
posted by dg at 3:12 PM on January 1, 2009 [1 favorite]


Ack! I hope this is a temporary disablement, cillit bang, and you feel you can come back soon.
posted by goo at 10:14 AM on January 2, 2009


dg, I'm pretty sure I saw somebody saying something awful about you and a family member in a thread over in Mefi. Don't look - just trust me. I understand if you feel the need to flame out and leave. Just... can I have your username?
Dg, for me, would have to stand for 'Dang, Gouda!' or 'Doobie Geebler'. I think I could pull that off.
posted by Bageena at 1:10 PM on January 6, 2009


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