nooooooooooo January 9, 2009 7:27 AM   Subscribe

I got the urge to re-read fandango_matt's well-loved Metafilter Explained By Furries cartoon, but it is no longer available. (And its creator has disabled his MeFi account.) Did anyone save a copy?
posted by waraw to MetaFilter-Related at 7:27 AM (88 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

I have a mirror of the images here.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:30 AM on January 9, 2009 [55 favorites]


Wow, how did I miss this first time around? This is a riot.
posted by fixedgear at 7:37 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


language fat lol

Sorry, that gets me every time.
posted by dismas at 7:46 AM on January 9, 2009


TookHisBallAndWentHomeFilter
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:49 AM on January 9, 2009


That is amazing.
posted by toomuchpete at 7:51 AM on January 9, 2009


AsIUnderstandItThatWasn'tReallyWhatHappenedFilter with a side of HeMayNotHaveEvenGoneHomePerSeFilter on the side.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:52 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Ahhhhhh that's still hi-larious.
posted by like_neon at 7:55 AM on January 9, 2009


I'mReallyTiredThisMorningFilter. I'mGoingToGoGetABreakfastBurrritoFilter.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:56 AM on January 9, 2009


Hot damn, that's funny. :)
posted by DWRoelands at 7:56 AM on January 9, 2009


FairEnoughCortexIKnewHeGotAnotherAccountButThoughtHeClosedThatTooAndItsNoneOfMyBusinessRegardlessFilter
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:00 AM on January 9, 2009


SometimesIDoSomeEQWhenIListenToHeyManNiceShotJustBecauseILikeToFilterFilterFilter
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:03 AM on January 9, 2009 [23 favorites]




IsThisSomethingIWouldHaveToHaveAFandango_MattToUnderstandFilter
posted by scrump at 8:06 AM on January 9, 2009


IfQuonsarWereJewishWouldTheFishPantsBeGefilteFilter
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 8:18 AM on January 9, 2009 [8 favorites]


Sorry, that gets me every time.

Me too.

IMeanMeTooFilter.
posted by languagehat at 8:22 AM on January 9, 2009


YouKnowWhoElseWasJewishThatsRightFitler
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:22 AM on January 9, 2009 [19 favorites]


RemovalOfSpacesAndCapitalizationFilter
posted by DU at 8:26 AM on January 9, 2009


Cortex, work blocks your site:

Access to this file or webpage is restricted at this time.
Reason: The Websense category "Sex" is filtered.

Boo.
posted by hallowdmachine at 8:28 AM on January 9, 2009


Will cortex ever get his ongoing internet sex problem fixed?
posted by ND¢ at 8:30 AM on January 9, 2009 [6 favorites]


It seems like a lot of other users are making great contributions and then quitting.

I like to think I contribute, but I haven't really made much of an impact on the site. I also haven't even thought of closing my account before.

I must be doing MetaFilter wrong.
posted by ODiV at 8:31 AM on January 9, 2009


Flag it and move on, Bitches!
posted by nitsuj at 8:34 AM on January 9, 2009


Dammit, websense actually unblacklisted it a while back, and then blacklisted it again apparently.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:37 AM on January 9, 2009


SometimesIDoSomeEQWhenIListenToHeyManNiceShotJustBecauseILikeToFilterFilterFilter

YO DAWG I HERD YOU LIKE RICHARD PATRICK SO WE PUT HEY MAN NICE SHOT IN MEFI MUSIC SO YOU CAN FILTER WHILE YOU 'FILTER.
posted by grouse at 8:42 AM on January 9, 2009 [4 favorites]


Well as soon as you put that monkey-on-donkey slash back up, what were they supposed to do?
posted by baphomet at 8:44 AM on January 9, 2009


Damn, that thing is amazing. I say it every time it boils back up to the surface.

If it were 20% less coarse I'd lobby to have it be an official welcome message.
posted by dirtdirt at 8:47 AM on January 9, 2009


I wonder why they chose Sex...

At any rate, I'll mark this to read when I get home. Nothing to stop me from seeing Sex sites there!
posted by hallowdmachine at 8:54 AM on January 9, 2009


I get the same Websense notice. I am now very curious about all the sexy on Cortex's site.
posted by pointystick at 9:05 AM on January 9, 2009


Will cortex ever get his ongoing internet sex problem fixed?

I know, he's been having sex issues since at least April of last year. It got so bad that he actually posted an AskMe question about it, and although everyone was sympathetic there's obviously not much random people on the internet can do in these kinds of situations. Jessamyn, who is apparently somewhat of an expert in that area, tried to lend a hand at one point, but I don't know if that ever led to anything productive. I think I remember hearing that he got off a while ago, so maybe one of those phone numbers that people suggested did the trick. Anyway, it looks like he's still trying to hook up with someone who can permanently solve the problem.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:07 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


So, I guess matt did that, huh?
posted by dersins at 9:09 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


fandango_matt's account:

.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:09 AM on January 9, 2009


Wow, cheers!
posted by Artw at 10:10 AM on January 9, 2009


I always thought fandango_matt was a fat filipino, then I met another user who was not a fat filipino. Neither one was an asshole, and I professed that with drunken confidence.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:06 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


I met somebody at an Sf meetup who proclaimed to be fandango_matt. He said he was operating under a different account now. I'm not sure whether he wants me to disclose his new handle.
But, if true, at least he's still around.
posted by jouke at 11:22 AM on January 9, 2009


I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat. He's got a weight problem. What's fandango_matt gonna do, he's Filipino.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:22 AM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


It seems like a lot of other users are making great contributions and then quitting.

Which is why I do lame things like my "vote for MeFi in the Weblog Awards" post. If I ever did anything awesome, my days here would be numbered. BTW, have you voted today?
posted by wendell at 11:28 AM on January 9, 2009


Will cortex ever get his ongoing internet sex problem fixed?

We prefer the term "reassigned."
posted by hermitosis at 11:33 AM on January 9, 2009


jouke: Since that meetup, he's changed his handle again, & he went to another meetup (which I missed). I don't know what's up with the handles, but he might simply be the worst Witness Relocation participant ever.
posted by Pronoiac at 11:37 AM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Still funny.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:49 AM on January 9, 2009


I miss Fandango_Matt.
posted by josher71 at 12:20 PM on January 9, 2009


What happened to Fandango_Matt? Why'd he disable his account? He's a tremendous graphic designer, and god knows, we need more of those here. People who are disabled can post here, why can't accounts?
posted by jasper411 at 12:25 PM on January 9, 2009


I've dropped him a line via Mefimail.
posted by Pronoiac at 12:33 PM on January 9, 2009

People who are disabled can post here, why can't accounts?
Because the ADA is the Americans with Disabilities Act, not the Accounts with Disabilities Act.
posted by Godbert at 12:40 PM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


"Wow, 352 posts, all by Delmoi!"

Awesome.
posted by fatbird at 12:41 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Best of the web!
posted by AwkwardPause at 12:54 PM on January 9, 2009


I always thought fandango_matt was a fat filipino, then I met another user who was not a fat filipino.

I always thought I was poor because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who was a fat filipino.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:55 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


cortex »» SometimesIDoSomeEQWhenIListenToHeyManNiceShotJustBecauseILikeToFilterFilterFilter

You know, if everyone left Metafilter at one time, would that create a VacuumFilter?
posted by WCityMike at 1:13 PM on January 9, 2009


Mista Filipino Mister Fat Filipino
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:32 PM on January 9, 2009 [3 favorites]


I hate when everybody knows metafilter secrets and tells everybody that they know, but then they don't share.
posted by empath at 2:45 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


So the message that I, and Google, am taking away from all this is that "Cortex has sex issues"?
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:08 PM on January 9, 2009


Google thinks that "Cortex has sex issues?"
posted by Elmore at 3:14 PM on January 9, 2009


It's not everybody, empath, just me, & if you really need to know, just call the cabal helpline already. Geez.
posted by Pronoiac at 3:29 PM on January 9, 2009


Google thinks that "Cortex has sex issues?"

If we say "Cortex has sex issues" enough, it sure will!
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:49 PM on January 9, 2009


There Is No "I have met fandango matt in the flesh, and I know he may have another account and why, but I am not telling, nyah nyah" Cabal.

If there was, the members would feel all superior and elitists and stuff.
posted by dirty lies at 3:59 PM on January 9, 2009


There Is A Cortex Has Sex Issues Cabal.

Or was it "In this issue: Cortex Has Sex With A Calabash!"? English is a confusing language.
posted by dirty lies at 4:03 PM on January 9, 2009




I saw him at the last SF meetup, though hardly got to talk to him because there were so many people there. I'm sure he says hi.
posted by rtha at 4:10 PM on January 9, 2009


I don't actually know the reason for his name change or how private it is, but I'm definitely having fun making up a story about it.
posted by Pronoiac at 4:14 PM on January 9, 2009


Last thing I remember, I was
Reaching for delete,
I had to find the other sockpuppet,
The one I used to be,
'Relax,' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'
posted by Elmore at 4:33 PM on January 9, 2009


I couldn't quite make out the words in the fifth panel. At first I thought it said "Ceiling cat is watching dogs fuck your mother." Then I thought maybe it said "Ceiling cat is watching pigs fuck your mother."

Then I realized it said dios.

No lie.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:42 PM on January 9, 2009


Results 1 - 10 of about 280,000 for Cortex sex issues. (0.13 seconds)

If it takes 0.13 seconds, I can see why Cortex has sex issues.
posted by lukemeister at 5:09 PM on January 9, 2009 [5 favorites]


"Start collecting smutty periodicals," he said. "They'll stop teasing you if you collect a lot," he said.

Thanks, DAD.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:16 PM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


Wait, your Dad started the "cortex has sex issues" meme? Damn, man, that sucks.
posted by dersins at 5:20 PM on January 9, 2009 [4 favorites]


NO! My eyes! Undo furrie jessamyn now plz
posted by not_on_display at 5:42 PM on January 9, 2009


There are certainly not pictures of (previously) fandango_matt in the first five results in the Mefi Flickr Pool, even.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:44 PM on January 9, 2009


SCENE 1 - BUREAUCRATIC OFFICE

PB offers paperwork:
It's a brand new day, Matt. Here's your new account info. Memorize the details. Burn the old one: Don't go back to your old life, & don't fall into your old routines. You have to start completely over. Okay?

MATT accepts the paperwork:
Got it. Thanks!


SCENE 2 - BAR, MEFI MEETUP, LATER THAT DAY

(MATT walks in through a door at the side)

MEFITES (around a table at center stage, in unison):
HEEEEY! GET OVER HERE, YOU MOBY-LOOKIN' MOTHERFUCKER!

NEWBIE (near MATT, quietly to RTHA, on his other side):
Wait, who is this?

MATT overhears.

MATT sticks out his hand for a handshake:
I'm optovox now. I used to be fandango_matt. I did the Metafilter safety guide, & the nice callout sheets for meetups.

NEWBIE shakes his hand:
Cool!


SCENE 3 - AT MATT'S HOME

MATT arrives & hangs up his coat.

HIS LOVER, DEH BELLE MEI NING:
You got your new identity?

MATT:
Yes, & then I went to the Metafilter meetup.

DEH BELLE:
Oh? You went like that?

MATT:
Yes?

DEH BELLE:
Without the wig?

MATT prepares a comment, pointing a finger, but pauses & looks thoughtful.

DEH BELLE:
Without the mustache?

MATT is worried.

DEH BELLE:
Did you tell them you had a fish in your pants?

MATT cringes:
No.

DEH BELLE:
At least, you didn't tell them your new account name, did you?

MATT:
Goddamn it!



--- fin ---

posted by Pronoiac at 5:52 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Did ParisParamus get revised out of this edition?
I thought there was a panel dedicated to him fucking his hat. No?
posted by isopraxis at 6:01 PM on January 9, 2009


I love this so much.

It makes me laugh every single time, placing it in category also occupied by "Lord Jim," "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," and that laughing baby video.

I would pay real bank for a Metafilter t-shirt that had "Flag it and move on, bitches!" on the back.
posted by ottereroticist at 6:04 PM on January 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


There are certainly not pictures of (previously) fandango_matt in the first five results in the Mefi Flickr Pool, even.

The kid in the hat to your right, AV? I should have guessed!
posted by goo at 8:02 PM on January 9, 2009


Man, that last meet-up was big.

Matt seemed really cool, too. Or maybe that was iPhone envy.

And, upon meeting Dirty Lies, I had a brief flash that, with his mustache, name and accent, he was putting me on. He seemed like he should be fighting crime with a pistol in his hand and a busty, lusty paramour clutched to his side.
posted by klangklangston at 8:28 PM on January 9, 2009


How do you know he isn't, klang?

Just cos you don't have a busty, lusty paramour to your side doesn't mean nobody else does...
posted by goo at 8:35 PM on January 9, 2009


panel three needs updating - it's disemvoweling now, isn't it?

also: "can I have <insert odd sounding pony request here?>"
"why sure, pb will have that right out"
or
"HELL NO" - in place of BANHAMMER
posted by lysdexic at 8:36 PM on January 9, 2009


I would pay real bank for a Metafilter t-shirt that had "Flag it and move on, bitches!" on the back.

Iron on tshirt inkjet paper + inkjet printer.
posted by lysdexic at 8:39 PM on January 9, 2009


klang just shattered my dreams of assimilation. I did not know I have an accent, I thought I looked like any other mustached dude riding his bike in the Mission, I thought I belonged.

Anyways,

- fighting crime
- lusty paramour
- busty paramour
- pistol in my hand

Pick three and you've got me pegged.
posted by dirty lies at 8:40 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Hi, fandango_matt - we've missed you!
posted by goo at 8:57 PM on January 9, 2009


Did ParisParamus get revised out of this edition?
I thought there was a panel dedicated to him fucking his hat. No?


Panel 7. Paris is the chimp.
posted by dead cousin ted at 9:00 PM on January 9, 2009


Oh yeah. Is he ever.
posted by isopraxis at 9:50 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Last thing I remember, I was
Reaching for delete,

Sorry, Elmore, I got there before you.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:52 PM on January 9, 2009


Every time I start to read that, I read it the whole way through.
posted by absalom at 11:31 PM on January 9, 2009 [1 favorite]


Ya'll are totally going to screw up the Markov.
posted by odinsdream at 7:14 AM on January 10, 2009


I still love that damn comic. Added bonus: I got to root around in cortex's images directory.
posted by maudlin at 10:18 AM on January 10, 2009


Just checking in here. Hi cabal! Hi Matt! And What Ambrosia Voyeur said.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:17 PM on January 10, 2009


The role of "lusty paramour," how can I get this? Busty'll be a little too much overhead.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:17 PM on January 10, 2009 [1 favorite]


"klang just shattered my dreams of assimilation. I did not know I have an accent, I thought I looked like any other mustached dude riding his bike in the Mission, I thought I belonged."

You need to tone down the awesomeness to assimilate. Americans can only be awesome ironically.
posted by klangklangston at 3:05 PM on January 10, 2009


Ya'll are totally going to screw up the Markov.

Can one markov the Markov?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:47 PM on January 10, 2009


Omg I just noticed I post a lot. I seriously hadn't noticed!

Also, I may be drunk.
posted by delmoi at 1:27 AM on January 11, 2009


I mean, goddamn that's a good bunch o' comics.
posted by Mister_A at 2:29 PM on January 11, 2009


Holy shit!
And I thought the abyss never knew I was there!
posted by Methylviolet at 6:57 PM on January 11, 2009


This happened while I was gone and frankly, I'm offended. That you did the good shit while I was gone.
posted by Dunwitty at 1:53 AM on January 12, 2009


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