Misogyny? Come on. August 24, 2009 12:55 PM   Subscribe

I would like to complain about Helena Bonham Carter's flabby ass.

This thread is supposed to be about a guy who died, and how his brother wrote a story about him.

When I went to the linked page to read it, there was a big ugly picture of Helena Bonham Carter's flabby ass in a tight swimsuit. Totally inappropriate, potentially NSFW, shocking, and distracting.

So I was glad that KevinSkomsvold provided an alternate link. You see, the problem with the first link was that it had Helena Bonham Carter's flabby ass prominently displayed beside it.

The reason I used Mr. Skomsvold's alternate link wasn't because I hate women or objectify them, and it is pretty clear to me that Mr. Skomsvold was doing a needed service to the community with no misogynist agenda.

I would similarly prefer that links to interesting texts not contain Tony Danza's huge wang, William Shatner's flabby manboobs, Scarlett Johansson huge breasts, Larry Flint's throbbing erection, etc. See, it is really pretty gender neutral, it just happened that this time we were dealing with Helena Bonham Carter and her flabby ass.

The misogyny trigger on MetaFilter needs to be dialled back to a more believable level, and let's try to give our fellow members the benefit of the doubt and assume they are acting in goodwill and with pure souls.

Because of this completely bogus derail the author, Ken, who Mayor Curley knows, is not going to be invited to read and participate in the thread. Shame on all of us for our petty bickering and nitpicking, it could have been a really nice thing to talk to that guy about his brother.
posted by Meatbomb to Etiquette/Policy at 12:55 PM (293 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

Is it Ghostbusters II?
posted by Artw at 1:00 PM on August 24, 2009 [9 favorites]


Shouldn't this letter be written to the editors of THe Daily Mail? I don't know how the mods can do anything about the marginalia of the websites linked.

Or are you saying that nobody should link to a website with quality articles if there is possibly unsuitable content in the sidebar?

Or are you hoping that someone will insist that print-versions only will be linked to in the future?

I'm not sure what we're supposed to be talking about. Until someone posted this into the thread, I hadn't even looked at the stupid content outside the article I went there to read.
posted by hippybear at 1:01 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


uhh you're kinda weird.
posted by pwally at 1:01 PM on August 24, 2009


Are you asking me?
posted by Mister_A at 1:01 PM on August 24, 2009


I don't know what this is about, but I do know this: Bustin' makes me feel good!
posted by ignignokt at 1:02 PM on August 24, 2009 [7 favorites]


hippybear: the problem is the massive derail caused by people jumping to accuse Mr. Skomsvold of misogyny in the MetaFilter thread.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:02 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


misogyny is too harsh a word for it, but all references to helena bonham carter should be deleted from the comments. if KevinSkomsvold had simply said "Here is the print version for those of you who do not care to see a mnsfw image" none of that would have happened.
posted by nadawi at 1:02 PM on August 24, 2009


the problem began with kevin's wording. don't pretend the derail happened in a vacuum.
posted by nadawi at 1:03 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


*squints*

....I have a feeling that Meatbomb is actually objecting to KevinSkomsvold's actions in the thread, as opposed to objecting to the original link.

In other words: what Meatbomb is really saying is "I think KevinSkomsvold was being a prat for making a snide comment about 'Helena Bonham Carter's flabby ass' in the thread because it was a derail."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:04 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT THIS!
posted by ND¢ at 1:05 PM on August 24, 2009 [5 favorites]


the problem is the massive derail caused by people jumping to accuse Mr. Skomsvold of misogyny in the MetaFilter thread.

Well, that's par for the course isn't it? For a lot of people this site is about loudly showcasing how sensitive they are.

(yeah, it sucks that this always happens, but fixing this one example isn't a solution.)
posted by Mayor Curley at 1:06 PM on August 24, 2009 [22 favorites]


empress - squint harder. meatbomb says "the problem is the massive derail caused by people jumping to accuse Mr. Skomsvold of misogyny in the MetaFilter thread." he doesn't seem to feel kevinsmomsvold was being pratty in the least.
posted by nadawi at 1:06 PM on August 24, 2009


My very assumptions have been put into question.
posted by stavrogin at 1:06 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


If this were worthy of a callout, Matt would need a dozen new servers just to keep up with Metatalk traffic.
posted by Kwine at 1:08 PM on August 24, 2009


Seriously, somebold should have done a sperate FPP on Helena Bonham Carter's flabby ass. Problem solved!

Actually, I'm not clear on what the problem is.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:08 PM on August 24, 2009


As soon as I read KevinSkomsvold's comment, my immediate thought was "what flabby ass?" So I went back to the page, looked again, and immediately thought "wow, he saw a molehill and got a backhoe and started piling dirt on it".
posted by hippybear at 1:09 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Great, now Metafilter's going to show up on exactly the wrong kind of Google queries.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:09 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


You want to complain? Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through. If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:09 PM on August 24, 2009 [6 favorites]


My personal take is that

1. I thought KevinSkomsvold's comment was ill-consideredly obnoxious but not deletionworthy,
2. applemeat's annoyance at that was stated in a kind of fighty fashion but also not deletionworthy,
3. I was expecting (maybe foolishly) that folks could drop it at that point or go to email or metatalk immediately, and
4. This post could have been done a bit better itself by cutting to the chase and dropping some of the cutesy framing.

At this point, that thread is still fairly young and this thread exists and I've explicitly asked for folks to bring that side of the conversation over here. Hopefully the initial thread actually gets its feet under it after the rocky start. Whether Curley wants to reconsider an invite at that point is up to Curley.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:09 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


he doesn't seem to feel kevinsmomsvold was being pratty in the least.

This is equally inaccurate. From the text, we cannot know for certain Meatbomb's feelings re: KevinSkomsvold's prattiness or lack thereof. All we can know for certain is that he felt that the kneejerk "OMG SEXISM!" response to KevinSkomsvold's comment was precipitate and unnecessary.
posted by dersins at 1:10 PM on August 24, 2009


I felt bad because Helena Bonham Carter had a flabby ass, until I met a man who had no Helena Bonham Carter ass at all.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:11 PM on August 24, 2009 [10 favorites]


Actually, I'm not clear on what the problem is.

OK I will try one more time.

We had a big debate about sexism, we had a special flag installed for it, but we are still getting derails every time anyone says something that just might, in the worst possible light, be read as sexism or misogyny.

That derail fucked up the thread totally. I do not know that Mr. Skomsvold's choice of words was perfect, but hey, why not use the shiny special flag? I know why not - using the flag does not get you a righteous pileon and a bunch of favourites!
posted by Meatbomb at 1:11 PM on August 24, 2009 [8 favorites]


the problem is the massive derail caused by people jumping to accuse Mr. Skomsvold of misogyny in the MetaFilter thread.

are there deleted comments? cause to me the derail seems to be the backlash to the misogyny accusers, not the accusees
posted by Think_Long at 1:12 PM on August 24, 2009


I felt bad because Helena Bonham Carter had a flabby ass, until I met a man who had no Helena Bonham Carter ass at all.

Just send him a link to the Daily Mail. Problem solved!
posted by dersins at 1:12 PM on August 24, 2009


I ran this problem through Wolfram Alpha and it said "You are fat".
posted by Mister_A at 1:13 PM on August 24, 2009 [5 favorites]


Have they deployed bingo cards yet?
posted by Artw at 1:13 PM on August 24, 2009


For anyone one else who's having trouble parsing WTF is going on here: all of the post, except for the last two paragraphs, are an attempt at irony.
posted by chrismear at 1:13 PM on August 24, 2009


Tony Danza's wang is not huge.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:14 PM on August 24, 2009


Don't judge a Helena Bonham Carter until you have walked a mile in her flabby ass.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:14 PM on August 24, 2009 [5 favorites]


Don't try an impose your fascist reading of the post on me, you nazi.
posted by Artw at 1:14 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Are you suggesting, chrismear, that Scarlett Johannssonn (I have no idea how to spell that so I just double everything) does not have huge breasts?
posted by Mister_A at 1:15 PM on August 24, 2009


I was posting from work, and given that that's a UK middle-market newspaper (albeit one that's generally misogynistic) it didn't even enter my field of vision. Having said that, my morning meetings often involve the phrase 'side-boob'.
posted by mippy at 1:16 PM on August 24, 2009


OMG YOU GUYS ARTW IS GLEN BECKK
posted by Sys Rq at 1:16 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


she's got A GREAT ASS and you got your head... ALL the way up it!
posted by porn in the woods at 1:16 PM on August 24, 2009


Tony Danza's wang is not huge.

To be fair, he's so short that his otherwise normal wang appears gargantuan. OK, talk to you later.
posted by dersins at 1:17 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this discussion... other than fat.
posted by Metroid Baby at 1:18 PM on August 24, 2009


I object to the use of the word wang on this website!

It makes me giggle.
posted by Mister_A at 1:18 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


WWACIOD?*

*what would a chimp in overalls do?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:18 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


For a lot of people this site is about loudly showcasing how sensitive they are.

Does everything have to come back to circumcision?
posted by ODiV at 1:19 PM on August 24, 2009


Don't judge a Helena Botham Carter until you walked a mile in her incredible, spring loaded steampunk London urchin shoes!
posted by geoff. at 1:20 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


The internet is full of objectionable things. Occasionally they are in the sidebar or vicinity of good links. I submit that the Southern solution to Helena Bonham Carter's unfortunate picture angle would be to pretend it wasn't there and concentrate on the main point of the link.

Was that so hard?
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:22 PM on August 24, 2009 [4 favorites]


your ass
so flabby
it vibrates
posted by Mister_A at 1:22 PM on August 24, 2009


I doubt you need to walk in them. Those look like Spring Heeled Jack shoes to me.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:22 PM on August 24, 2009


Does everything have to come back to circumcision?

Tony Danza's wang is not circumcised.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2009


This conversation better bring us up to at least #3 over on Time.
posted by Spatch at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


While it was obviously done with the very best of intentions, I fear Mayor Curley's initial comment in that thread — ie., that he would send a link to it to a person closely connected to the tragic events in the link, provided that everybody behaved themselves — pretty much set up a hair-trigger for a derail of some kind. Ass-related comments or no ass-related comments, sexism or no sexism, it sets up a weird dynamic when you try to have a discussion with that in mind.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2009


Also to prove that Helena Botham Carter is not entirely in our universe here she is with her spring-loaded steampunk shoes in front of what apparently is some sort of car driven by giants.
posted by geoff. at 1:24 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


Anyway, yes, the derail should be deleted so that the thread can be passed on, I reckon.
posted by mippy at 1:25 PM on August 24, 2009


New rule: if you say something you have to mean it in a literal sense. No exceptions! You ARE NOT ALLOWED to say "Oh yeah Hitler was great" unless you really think Hitler was great. Things are too confusing otherwise. This rule will be strictly enforced.
posted by ND¢ at 1:26 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


an attempt at irony

Ah. Attempt - not meaning "achieved in its goal". Now I understand.
posted by hippybear at 1:27 PM on August 24, 2009


More like Helena Bottom Carter, amirite?



Forgive me. I lack impulse control.
posted by Mister_A at 1:27 PM on August 24, 2009 [8 favorites]


I meant he was wickedly great.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:28 PM on August 24, 2009


Terms like 'misogynist' and 'sexist' are pretty severe, and we should probably treat them more seriously. This whole callout actually makes a bigger deal than I feel is warranted, and doesn't help the cause at all. What exactly were you trying to accomplish here Meatbomb? And why didn't you choose a more direct approach?
posted by iamkimiam at 1:31 PM on August 24, 2009


I dunno, I've always thought her boobs were just sort of regular-sized, like a C cup maybe, but she's got a smallish frame and pushes them up a lot so they wind up looking a lot more impressive. If you're the kind of person who's into really big boobs you'd probably be pretty disappointed once she got her clothes off.
posted by hifiparasol at 1:34 PM on August 24, 2009


Are you suggesting, chrismear, that Scarlett Johannssonn (I have no idea how to spell that so I just double everything) does not have huge breasts?

Yes, because 'irony' means 'saying the exact opposite of everything'.
posted by chrismear at 1:35 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


You know who I hear get a ton of tail? The Wiggles. Ker-razy!
posted by Artw at 1:36 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Are you suggesting, chrismear, that Scarlett Johannssonn (I have no idea how to spell that so I just double everything) does not have huge breasts?

Bet they're not as big as mine, sunshine. Until your underwear costs $80 a set minimum, you don't have big boobs. Compared to most actresses, though, who are roughly the size of one of my bra straps, she's pretty curvy.
posted by mippy at 1:37 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


You know who I hear get a ton of tail? The Wiggles. Ker-razy!

Dude. Do you think single dads take their kids to see The Wiggles? It is not. So. Crazy. At all.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:40 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Actually, Meatbomb, I think the ironic thing here is the reaction to Kevin's comment isn't nearly as hysterical as you're coloring it to be. There was one comment from one poster, a single sentence response that read more like a give-away snark than this "petty bickering and nitpicking" that you describe.

So basically, I'm not understanding why this one harmless and predictable remark warrants a big ol' scolding, this "shame on all of us" and talking of the Misogyny Trigger or whatever.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:40 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm sorry, but why should I care about this?

Oh, wait. I don't.
posted by slogger at 1:41 PM on August 24, 2009


It is not. So. Crazy. At all.

I guess I just assumed they were all gay.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:42 PM on August 24, 2009


god, I love HBC. I hate articles with sidebars full of celebrity gossip
posted by crush-onastick at 1:42 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Astro Zombie - all the time i find out that performers i assumed were gay are actually (at least making a good show of being) straight.

this month alone i found out that all the BeeGees and James Lipton have apparently enjoyed long relationships with women.
posted by nadawi at 1:43 PM on August 24, 2009


If you're the kind of person who's into really big boobs you'd probably be pretty disappointed once [Scarlett Johansson] got her clothes off.
posted by hifiparasol at 1:34 PM on August 24


"No, I'm sorry, Scarlett. It's . . . well . . . your boobs are too small. I am pretty disappointed. Please get your things and leave. Don't cry. Just . . . just go."

— THE BIG BOOK OF IMPOSSIBLE QUOTES
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:44 PM on August 24, 2009 [66 favorites]


A hypothetical question:

What if it had been an advertisement with, say, a model's tight and well-toned ass? I see articles with model's cleavage and asses prominently displayed next to them all the time, especially at the Daily Fail. I can't visit the link so the size of said article is left to my imagination.

There is a theory referred to as "the male gaze", which posits that media created and consumed largely assumes that the viewer is a heterosexual guy. Thus, why it is OK to have an advertisement that shows a toned lady's ass in a thong but not a flabby, and hence undesirable ass. People who are not attracted to or by toned ladies asses are expected to put up with it, while people who are not attracted to flabby ladies asses feel some right to complain about seeing it.

An alternate option: let's impose a community ban on linking to the Daily Mail. It is little more than a tabloid. Any story published in the Daily Mail will almost certainly be reported elsewhere, no?
posted by muddgirl at 1:44 PM on August 24, 2009 [6 favorites]


this thread is depressing. you suck, meatbomb.
posted by shmegegge at 1:45 PM on August 24, 2009


Okay, are we done yet? Hugs?
posted by burnmp3s at 1:46 PM on August 24, 2009


The lady with the big breasts called me "sunshine," so I'm good.
posted by Mister_A at 1:47 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


I think meatbomb was trying to point out that there is a flag function you can use instead of derailing a thread.
posted by Sailormom at 1:48 PM on August 24, 2009


4. This post could have been done a bit better itself by cutting to the chase and dropping some of the cutesy framing.

THIS. An otherwise reasonable call-out that ended up worse than the original offense.
posted by GuyZero at 1:49 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


Don't judge a Helena Botham Carter until you walked a mile in her incredible, spring loaded steampunk London urchin shoes!

Wow, those shoes are awesome! They are apparently commercially available and she seems to be wearing the Taos Strap style in particular.

New rule: if you say something you have to mean it in a literal sense.

Yes, these shoes literally put a spring in Helena Bonham-Carter's step! I'm sorry, ND¢ made me do it.
posted by Lush at 1:53 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


An alternate option: let's impose a community ban on linking to the Daily Mail. It is little more than a tabloid. Any story published in the Daily Mail will almost certainly be reported elsewhere, no?

I think you're going by the US definition of 'tabloid' - while I won't deny the Mail is tacky as hell (I read it so I can annoy myself with Liz Jones, it's good for the blood pressure) it's a regular newspaper. The Times (London Times) is tabloid sized, as is The Mirror, The Sun, Daily Express, Morning Star. It's not a 'tabloid' in the sense of the National Enquirer.

I would be in favour of banning the Mail as there are a lot of reasons to dislike it, but a) sometimes stories aren't published elsewhere, really - that was one of hte most in-depth articles I could find on the topic to avoid making the post just a book recommendation b) once you start banning links to publications, where do you stop? I would personally avoid linking to The Sun because I have a personal boycott running there, but it would be pushing my views on others to call out every time it was linked.
posted by mippy at 1:55 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


ok, you know what, I'm sorry I said that meatbomb sucks. he doesn't suck, except that posting this thread this way - and turning someone's ass into an in joke - pretty much sucks. so I'm sorry I said that meatbomb.

that said, when you say something like what KevinSkomsvold said, it's not hard to see it as misogyny. and when you say something that callously, and thoughtlessly, and someone thinks it's offensive, it's not a huge fucking deal to say "you know what, that came out badly, and I'm sorry. I merely meant that I don't want to see anybody's ass next to the articles I'm reading. I understand why it might look like misogyny and I probably should have put a little more thought into how I phrased that comment." and then things pretty much get better from there.

but when you act like a comment like that is supposed to be some sort of GOTCHA, like "ah-HA! I was talking about ANY ass, and now you look like a dick for ASSUMING I meant I don't like flabby FEMALE asses!" You're just sort of continuing the thoughtlessness. just because you didn't mean to criticize a woman's ass on the basis of her value as a woman doesn't mean that it's okay to enter a thread talking about how you don't want to see that woman's flabby ass. just acknowledge that you said something carelessly and drop it.

because now what we have is open fucking season on joking about Helena Bonham Carter's ass, which is fucking annoying and should stop.
posted by shmegegge at 1:56 PM on August 24, 2009 [32 favorites]


why not stop by 50th and france in minneapolis and buy some for yourself? that's right, there's a store that specializes in these things...

... i don't get it either
posted by Think_Long at 1:58 PM on August 24, 2009


That sounds quite reasonable, shmegegge. Sorry for any confusion my poorly framed callout has caused.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:00 PM on August 24, 2009 [4 favorites]


Wow. That Sprongs store is just a short distance from Tiny Tim's house in Minneapolis. Coincidence?

I THINK NOT.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2009


I object to something in this thread.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:04 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


USE YOUR FLAGS PEOPLE I MADE THEM FOR A REASON
posted by nola at 2:04 PM on August 24, 2009


While it was obviously done with the very best of intentions, I fear Mayor Curley's initial comment in that thread — ie., that he would send a link to it to a person closely connected to the tragic events in the link, provided that everybody behaved themselves — pretty much set up a hair-trigger for a derail of some kind. Ass-related comments or no ass-related comments, sexism or no sexism, it sets up a weird dynamic when you try to have a discussion with that in mind.

You're absolutely right, GWTTER. I should have just waited it out. I was just nervous because of the topic and the author's relation to the events.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2009


mippy, that's incredible about the Hillsborough disaster. Why the effort to smear Liverpool fans? Just to sell papers or is there some socioeconomic prejudice angle I don't know about?
posted by Mister_A at 2:05 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


This thread is now about pie.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 2:06 PM on August 24, 2009


Mister_A Basically, yeah.
posted by Artw at 2:07 PM on August 24, 2009


Am I too late to make a joke in this race to the bottom?
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:07 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Oh look what you've done now...
posted by Mister_A at 2:09 PM on August 24, 2009


Am I too late to make a joke in this race to the bottom?
if you do make a joke, you should probably avoid 'bottoms' all together
posted by Think_Long at 2:10 PM on August 24, 2009


Felix Pie, an outfielder for the Baltimore Orioles, has a higher strikeout rate than he should, possibly due to his flabby ass. In the minors, he played for a while with the Lansing Lugnuts. His first major league hit was off of Greg Maddux, who is well known for leaving a bloody trail of dead hookers in his wake.
posted by Skot at 2:11 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


oh I see. . . I fell head first for that one

wordplay!
posted by Think_Long at 2:11 PM on August 24, 2009


Funny; in the sidebar the actual paper is whinging about k-fed's ass, what's more, under the supposed auspices of their "femail" section editors.

Any so yeah. The pic is not that huge. Weird comment, kevin.
posted by Non Prosequitur at 2:11 PM on August 24, 2009


You guys really don't use AssBlock Plus?!??
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:13 PM on August 24, 2009 [6 favorites]


I object Meatbomb, but for no particular reason, JUST 'CAUSE.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:14 PM on August 24, 2009


Bet they're not as big as mine, sunshine. Until your underwear costs $80 a set minimum, you don't have big boobs. Compared to most actresses, though, who are roughly the size of one of my bra straps, she's pretty curvy.

Ebay, let me show you it!

You can sort by band size and cup size!

You can save searches and be notified when there are new items matching your parameters!

I get nice Chantelle stuff for under $20 sometimes!
posted by kathrineg at 2:14 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Meatbomb, thanks for alerting me to this. (If you click through to the actual story, there's a better, or at least bigger, picture of her ample buttocks, for whomever might be interested.) By the way, I much prefer the photo caption writer's description ("curvaceous behind") to "flabby ass".
posted by Crabby Appleton at 2:16 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Meatbomb show us your ass.
posted by pianomover at 2:17 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Mister_A - the Sun was well known, at least then, for printing absolute bullshit to sell papers - they claimed Elton John's guard-dogs had their voiceboxes removed. I think Scousers were an easy target - Liverpool was a very deprived area then, they had and still have an image as thieves and crooks (I think this was prior to the article) and, most importantly, ordinary fans can't sue. (I do work, at a remove, for News International, so I have to be very very careful what I say on sites that have my real name on them. And via this work, I know they have big and scary lawyers.)
posted by mippy at 2:19 PM on August 24, 2009


No eBay account, kathrineg. eBay and I are not a good combination. Though I might set one up to replace my Freyas, I've got them for only £20 on there before.
posted by mippy at 2:20 PM on August 24, 2009


I wish this thread was about massagenysts on MetaFilter. I've got this really tight knot between my shouldyrblades.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:20 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I didn't think I could lose any more respect for Rupert Murdoch, but there you go.
posted by Mister_A at 2:20 PM on August 24, 2009


Too flabby, NSFW.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:21 PM on August 24, 2009


Mister_A - this might be illuminating
posted by mippy at 2:22 PM on August 24, 2009


There was quite a bit of T n' A (borderline nsfw) stuff on that page but for some reason Helena's sort of jumped out at me and struck me as just weird given the subject. It pissed me off so I wanted to link to just the text of the original article. My apologies for the choice of words and not keeping it out of the original thread.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:22 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


I think you're going by the US definition of 'tabloid' - while I won't deny the Mail is tacky as hell (I read it so I can annoy myself with Liz Jones, it's good for the blood pressure) it's a regular newspaper. The Times (London Times) is tabloid sized, as is The Mirror, The Sun, Daily Express, Morning Star. It's not a 'tabloid' in the sense of the National Enquirer.

Thanks for pointing out that I should have been clearer. I'm from the US so I only get exposed to the online articles of Daily Mail, and it seems to me that it's closer to Us Weekly (which we call a celebrity tabloid) than it is to the Times, save that it's a daily subscription? I don't think it's anything like the National Enquirer :)
posted by muddgirl at 2:23 PM on August 24, 2009


I like Freya, they're not too common on the US side of things at least, which is too bad.
posted by kathrineg at 2:24 PM on August 24, 2009


I submit that the Southern solution to Helena Bonham Carter's unfortunate picture angle would be to pretend it wasn't there and concentrate on the main point of the link.

Ignoring it is, indisputably, one southern solution.

Another, arguably more festive, southern solution would involve the imbibing of beer, the traditional shouting of "Hey y'all watch this!," multiple asses on full display, and, of course, injuries.

why it is OK to have an advertisement that shows a toned lady's ass in a thong but not a flabby, and hence undesirable ass

The same reason it would be "okay" to have an advertisement showing Jake Gyllenhall being all shirtless and muscley as the Prince of Persia, but not okay to have a picture of Val Kilmer being shirtless and tubby, and hence undesirable.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:26 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


muddgirl - you aren't far off. MrM sometimes sends me Misogynist Mail Article of the Day (as well as The Daily Bunny). It's a weird mixture of panicking about immigrants and house prices, hating on the Government and reminiscing about the Good Old Days, and fulminating about women, obesity, and obese women. It's also the second-biggest selling newspaper in the UK. Yeah.

We had a copy of US Weekly in our office, and it was completely meaningless to me. Over here we have Heat, which is actually put together with a bit of irony and humour, and Closer, which features very Z-list celebs along with articles about how being fat is, like, really bad.
posted by mippy at 2:28 PM on August 24, 2009


Another boycotter over here. I've actually had it cost me a significant amount of money when, a couple of years after the incident, The Sun wanted to reprint a piece I'd sold to another newspaper -- The Independent, if I recall correctly. Given that their circulation was probably ten times that of The Independent, it would have been a fuckton of money to a struggling writer -- but no matter how hard I tried to justify it to myself, I just couldn't go through with it.

I think had the story I been writing not been a Liverpool story, they'd have just done what they normally do and either steal it or make it up out of whole cloth, but I think they were still trying to repair their reputation in the city.

Twenty years on, it's still hard to find a local newsagent that stocks The Sun.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:28 PM on August 24, 2009 [4 favorites]


Also: I'd hit it.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:32 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


How about this: if you can't ignore postage-stamp sized pictures on the borders of stuff you read, maybe you should stop using the internet. If you can't deal with this and want to provide alternative presentations of things, maybe you could use the time honored practices of diplomacy and say something like the new link offers a "cleaner presentation" or "less visual distractions." Or even "without the celebrity tabloid garbage on the edges." Or maybe you could look at a tiny photograph of a woman of average proportions and just say "whatever."
posted by nanojath at 2:32 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I merely meant that I don't want to see anybody's ass next to the articles I'm reading

Well, I think he objects to the fatness of said ass. So it's really fat-mocking, which he should also apologize for. If he's going to apologize for anything. Which he isn't.
posted by smackfu at 2:33 PM on August 24, 2009


Mippy, I did not at all mean to derail your thread! Although I found KevinSkomvold’s comment to be quite careless, this unnecessary callout surprises me.
posted by applemeat at 2:34 PM on August 24, 2009


careless = misogyny?
posted by smackfu at 2:35 PM on August 24, 2009


nanojath: "How about this: if you can't ignore postage-stamp sized pictures on the borders of stuff you read, maybe you should stop using the internet. If you can't deal with this and want to provide alternative presentations of things, maybe you could use the time honored practices of diplomacy and say something like the new link offers a "cleaner presentation" or "less visual distractions." Or even "without the celebrity tabloid garbage on the edges." Or maybe you could look at a tiny photograph of a woman of average proportions and just say "whatever.""

Or maybe you could scroll up, read my apology?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:37 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


The same reason it would be "okay" to have an advertisement showing Jake Gyllenhall being all shirtless and muscley as the Prince of Persia, but not okay to have a picture of Val Kilmer being shirtless and tubby, and hence undesirable.

Yeah... don't really have a problem with "tubby" Val Kilmer. I still think he's totally hotness on a stick, fat notwithstanding. I also don't have a problem with Carter's "flabby butt". It looks pretty similar to my own butt. But then again I don't consciously or unconsciously value people based on whether or not I'd personally want to sleep with them.
posted by muddgirl at 2:38 PM on August 24, 2009


Hey, these things happen. I've derailed this one with SunTalk.

PeterMcDermott - when I went up there last year I saw a builder with anti-Sun stickers on his hat, which fair warmed the heart. If I ever wrote for the Sun I don';t think my mum would let me home for Christmas again.
posted by mippy at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2009


Is there a colloquial meaning of misogyny being used here that isn't "hatred of women"?
posted by smackfu at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2009


Because I'm arguing strategies for prevention, not remedy.

But apology accepted.
posted by nanojath at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2009


Second comment from the original thread:

I work with Ken. I'll send him a link to the thread if no one shits in it immediately.
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:16 AM on August 25 [+] [!]


I guess Ken won't be reading it after all, then...
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:39 PM on August 24, 2009


smackfu - he did apologize.

"My apologies for the choice of words and not keeping it out of the original thread."
posted by nadawi at 2:42 PM on August 24, 2009


Is there a colloquial meaning of misogyny being used here that isn't "hatred of women"?

Red-hot catchy attention-getting charge.
posted by Non Prosequitur at 2:43 PM on August 24, 2009


How about this: if you can't ignore postage-stamp sized pictures on the borders of stuff you read, maybe you should stop using the internet.

Yes, reverting to snail mail & getting yourself a penpal would completely solve that problem.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:46 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


My underwear costs $200 per set.

I'm a man, and of fairly normal size. it's just *really* awesome underwear.
posted by drjimmy11 at 2:46 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


this month alone i found out that all the BeeGees and James Lipton have apparently enjoyed long relationships with women.

Someone's gaydar needs recalibration.
posted by ericb at 2:49 PM on August 24, 2009


drjimmy11 - does it give you head? for $200, you should certainly be offered more than support.
posted by nadawi at 2:50 PM on August 24, 2009


I think pretty much any community that places a high value on unthinking mock-Wildean glibness will never "do" decorum well, even if it's over a bona-fide tragedy.
posted by boo_radley at 2:50 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]




I get it: it's like sleight of hand. Meatbomb opens the thread with a misdirection and then shows us what's really up his sleeve with the "more inside". He's made monkeys chimps out of us.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:55 PM on August 24, 2009


Is there a colloquial meaning of misogyny being used here that isn't "hatred of women"?

This is sort of a "the circle is complete" moment as far as harking back to the long misogyny discussions from late 2007, but the fixed phrase "casual misogyny" that applemeat used has shown up in past discussion not as an intensifier but as a qualifier—the meaning is not "the words/actions of a misogynist, and they're even blase about it!" but rather "words/actions with a misogynistic tint to them, even if not intended as a malicious act by the speaker".

In other words, things that are treated because of existing social convention/permissiveness as okay but which nonetheless and despite that casual/lazy/non-malicious usage introduce an uncomfortable or exclusionary/discriminatory element to the discourse.

Which is a huge subject, cf. those self-same late-2007 threads, but part of what came from those discussions is the difficulty that folks who want to speak up about these kinds of less-than-nuclear-level language situations have with even broaching the subject of casual misogyny (or casual homophobia, or or or) on account of the tendency of speakers and bystanders to reject outright the possibility that this is something worth talking about or viewing negatively because it's clearly not misogyny/homophobia/whatever because that stuff is crazy nuclear-level awfulness and this clearly isn't the same and etc.

Finding a concise, non-inflammatory way to describe this stuff is hard. I think maybe applemeat caused more of a stir than expected in part because it's not universally agreed-upon or approved-of taxonomy, but as far as that goes and in the context of the history of these discussions on metafilter, "casual misogyny" is not a particularly weird way to characterize the situation. All that with the full understanding that no one is trying to slander KevinSkomsvold as Being A Misogynist, and that that potential reading is a big part of why there was further flareup in the thread.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:59 PM on August 24, 2009 [18 favorites]


But then again I don't consciously or unconsciously value people based on whether or not I'd personally want to sleep with them.
posted by muddgirl


See, that's where I get into trouble. I wish I were so in touch with my unconscious.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:59 PM on August 24, 2009


I just went over to see the picture.

That little bitty picture was what y'all were complaining about???????? The heck???

(Besides, her front view was more unfortunate than the rear. Which wasn't bad, just wasn't Hollywood. Meh.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 2:59 PM on August 24, 2009


I still think he's totally hotness on a stick

I don't consciously or unconsciously value people based on whether or not I'd personally want to sleep with them

So I guess you're doing it subconsciously, then? Or are you saying that you assign values to people based on how good they'd look on a stick? Not clear.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:00 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


The Sun is vile, but at least it's not crypto-vile like other "news" sources.
posted by fleacircus at 3:00 PM on August 24, 2009


I think we're all overlooking something important here.

Scroll 4 pictures down from HBC's flabby ass: Nadine Coyle Bra-less!

Me likey.
posted by Rafaelloello at 3:00 PM on August 24, 2009


muddgirl: An alternate option: let's impose a community ban on linking to the Daily Mail. It is little more than a tabloid. Any story published in the Daily Mail will almost certainly be reported elsewhere, no?

1) Yes, fuck yes, let's not link to the Daily Mail's main site. Link to less idiotic print versions if you must use the Daily Mail as a source.
2) Little more than a tabloid? It's a fuckton less than a tabloid. To call the Daily Mail a tabloid is to insult newspapers the world over whose only crime was to be a bit shit. The Daily Mail's list of crimes is much more extensive.
3) You're right - no. No, the Daily Mail's bar is much lower than even the other British tabloids, so the Mail deeming something newsworthy or dependable enough to print does not necessarily mean that there's any other news medium out there that will agree.

Regarding the topic, I have no idea what Helena Carter's backside looks like, nor do I particularly care. Flabby or not, I don't have any particular desire to see arse at the side of my news, so was glad to have the print version linked. I don't think it's really fair to jump misogyny accusations on somebody because of a negative comment about one particular female, any more than it'd be fair to call him a racist (Helena is white) or misanthrope (Helena is a person).
posted by Dysk at 3:02 PM on August 24, 2009


does it give you head? for $200, you should certainly be offered more than support.

I think it's more that corset, garter belt & stocking combos that fit mens' proportions are hard to find & therefore attract premium prices.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:02 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


So I guess you're doing it subconsciously, then?

something like that
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:03 PM on August 24, 2009


Okay, the Daily Mail is clearly a rag, but it is occasionally a hilarious rag. I just saw this:

A long way from the red carpet: Bored Katherine Heigl struggles with unglamorous shopping trip to a rug store

I think we've all dealt with the crushing unglamour of rug shopping. How will Katherine Heigl bear up? READ ON!
posted by Skot at 3:07 PM on August 24, 2009 [5 favorites]


I think it's more that corset, garter belt & stocking combos that fit mens' proportions are hard to find & therefore attract premium prices.

I suppose I set myself up for that.

I actually wear normal underwear from Target. Carry on.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:07 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I like big butts and I can not lie.

[NOT ASS-IST]
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:09 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


epony-something?
posted by Artw at 3:11 PM on August 24, 2009


And here I was feeling sorry I was in a six hour internetless meeting today....
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:11 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


this month alone i found out that all the BeeGees and James Lipton have apparently enjoyed long relationships with women.

see ya and raise ya,

Tony Randall fathered 2 children. In his late 70's. With a woman 50 years younger than him. By having sex. With a woman.

(Actually I had an old boss that had 7 children before he realized (his word) he was gay. Talk about giving it the old college try. Dang.)
posted by vapidave at 3:12 PM on August 24, 2009


buttslol?
posted by qvantamon at 3:17 PM on August 24, 2009


So I guess you're doing it subconsciously, then? Or are you saying that you assign values to people based on how good they'd look on a stick? Not clear.

I think Val Kilmar is "hot" because of his performance in some of my favorite movies. His performance has nothing to do with his perceived position on my "would I fuck him" ladder (if you are curious, I would not fuck him). Therefore, I am ranking him based on a criteria separate from whether I'd want to sleep with him.

Is this really so hard?
posted by muddgirl at 3:19 PM on August 24, 2009


Is there a colloquial meaning of misogyny being used here [...]?

Well, you could use it to mean "the creation of a Japanese seasoning commonly used as a broth base", but you'd have to spell it "misogeny".
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:19 PM on August 24, 2009


This dude has a BAD sense of timing: Sexist college student
posted by smackfu at 3:21 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


All right. Well. I looked.

And okay, I'll Go There: Helena Bonham Carter is forty-three years old. To be honest, she's always had the kind of body that looked better with lots of tres gothique clothes and makeup on it. And the woman, to be blunt, does not have a complexion that sees sunlight and is all, "Woo! Yeah! All right!" Plus, it looks like it's humid as fuck wherever she is, and that doesn't do anything to your hair that's all that awesome, either. And she's also chasing around little kids, which isn't anybody's most glamorous moment. In short, this is like a perfect storm of factors that are bound to not flatter you if you are Helena Bonham Carter, but she's still as entitled as anybody else to take her kids to the beach and not have douchebags take pictures of her ass for other douchebags on the internet to make jokes about. I mean, goddamn. That ain't right.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:22 PM on August 24, 2009 [21 favorites]


My only point of reference for The Daily Mail is from a Smiths song.

By all means, though, carry on. I'm making more popcorn.
posted by eyeballkid at 3:28 PM on August 24, 2009


smackfu: "This dude has a BAD sense of timing: Sexist college student"

oh. oh my.
posted by shmegegge at 3:34 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


He's not a half-wit with a bad sense of timing, he's a troll with good timing.
posted by dersins at 3:35 PM on August 24, 2009


This dude has a BAD sense of timing: Sexist college student

Oh good god.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:36 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Crop science? Has he been huffing fertilizer or something?
posted by kathrineg at 3:39 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I thought AskMe was about getting answers. If you don't like what the questioner wants, move along. That dude wanted practical advice on being educated by solely men. Why was he not allowed to use AskMe to find this practical advice?
posted by xmutex at 3:42 PM on August 24, 2009


I thought AskMe was about getting answers.

I hope you know what MetaTalk is for, because...
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:45 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


While I took the question at face value, there is a pretty reasonable possibility that he isn't asking in good faith and is merely looking to raise people's hackles.

Unless I'm being trolled again...
posted by GuyZero at 3:45 PM on August 24, 2009


Is this really so hard?

Well, yes, I guess it is exactly this hard. When you call someone "hotness on a stick" in direct response to a comment about his "tubby" body, there is really no reason to assume you are referring to his scorching acting talent. I found that an odd lead in to a reprimand about placing value on looks. If you didn't mean it that way, well I guess that just underscores how difficult it can be to talk about celebrities and/or people we admire without at least the appearance of inadvertant objectification, which is, after all, nominally the subject of this callout.

As for Val, I also used to think he was hotness on a stick as an actor. But I don't think I've seen him do anything decent in years. That saddens me far more than a naturally aging body ever could.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:49 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


"I'm a man, and of fairly normal size. it's just *really* awesome underwear."

At a terrible job at a "Mexican" restaurant, the night manager, a Greek coke-head named Steeeeeve, wore sable briefs. "They're saaable," he'd say, while I was desperately trying to focus on washing the dishes, polishing the refrigerator, mopping the floor, anything. The fur, apparently, goes on the inside. "They feeeeel amazing," he'd say.
posted by klangklangston at 3:53 PM on August 24, 2009 [15 favorites]


While I took the question at face value, there is a pretty reasonable possibility that he isn't asking in good faith and is merely looking to raise people's hackles. Unless I'm being trolled again...

Ironically, not asking in good faith is someone trolling you. So effectively you've said "I think there's a possibility he's trolling. Unless he's trolling."

I'm with you, though -- I think he actually did mean it. A quick check of his posting history reveals someone who actually seems pretty damn clueless.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:54 PM on August 24, 2009


Why was he not allowed to use AskMe to find this practical advice?

Because this is a community of a lot of different types of people and coming right out and being like "I basically have an issue with these types of people help me avoid them" on a site that contains a lot of those people is really not okay. Genders reversed, we'd do the same thing. The question didn't seem like a good faith question given the makeup of this community.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:54 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


"(if you are curious, I would not fuck him)."

Is it because you suspect he can't orgasm without adopting some silly foreign accent? I suspect that.
posted by klangklangston at 3:57 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


jessamyn - if someone asked "i am studying womens studies and only want female professors" would it have been deleted? i don't disagree that the guy's question should have been deleted as it stood, but i do question if the opposite would immediately get the axe.
posted by nadawi at 3:57 PM on August 24, 2009


Sexist college student

See, it's a shame that he didn't phrase his question in a way that made it about overcoming his incredibly offensive perspective, because then everyone would provide 100% positive answers. No?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 3:58 PM on August 24, 2009


this unnecessary callout surprises me.

May not be necessary, but it's certainly more than sufficient.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:59 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


"They're saaable," he'd say, while I was desperately trying to focus on washing the dishes, polishing the refrigerator, mopping the floor, anything. The fur, apparently, goes on the inside. "They feeeeel amazing," he'd say.

I'm going to be laughing about this for weeks. "They're saaable," I'll say, with no further explanation. And people will look at me like I'm a biscuit shy of a breakfast platter.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:59 PM on August 24, 2009 [5 favorites]


You know, I don't really want to play the "which way could we say that question and it WOULD be okay?" game in which I try to explain the edge cases and people show up with different examples that are sort of but not really the same as them.

This guy was, I think we can agree, being jerkish which colored his maybe-okay-if-it-was-asked-totally-differently question and his question was doomed. I feel bad for the father-of-sons guy, and Helena Bonham Carter.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:00 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I was thinking about this the other day, and wondering if Tim Burton would ever again make a film that didn't in some way feature Johnny Depp in a quirky hat.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:03 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


God I hope not.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:03 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


if someone asked "i am studying womens studies and only want female professors" would it have been deleted? i don't disagree that the guy's question should have been deleted as it stood, but i do question if the opposite would immediately get the axe.

"I'm looking for female professors for a women's studies curriculum" is a bit different from "I'm looking for female professors for curriculum x because I don't like putting up with male professors and let me tell you why". The first would probably be okay, if asked specifically and concisely in an answerable way; the second, which is the real analogue of Benzle's question, would go, for the same reasons his just went.

It's possible he'd be able to reframe the question in such a way as to not torpedo it out of the gate, but that right there was a textbook example of Doing Askme Wrong. The oozing "women, am i right?" aspect needs to not be there, and an equivalent "men, am i right?" aspect in some counterfactual doppelganger question would be just as much of a problem.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:04 PM on August 24, 2009


God, you guys.
posted by kbanas at 4:07 PM on August 24, 2009


Maybe a quirky, sligthly flabby asshat?
posted by Dumsnill at 4:07 PM on August 24, 2009


If that's the case, cortex, that's cool. I think I just grew up with one too many "You know what? My boss only hires women because she thinks men are lazy and inept -- and I think that's ok" conversations with female friends, and now I'm still blinking at the afterimage.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:09 PM on August 24, 2009


"I'm going to be laughing about this for weeks. "They're saaable," I'll say, with no further explanation. And people will look at me like I'm a biscuit shy of a breakfast platter."

To do it right, you gotta say it with a pinched, nasal sound. But yeah, after that, could never really look at him without wondering if he was wearing his sable briefs. Apparently, strippers love them. I forget how much he paid for them, them, something outlandish, like $600 or something. At the time, I was too creeped out to consider the color, but now I kinda wonder if they were white. It'd be a nice thematic counterpoint to thinking about him in the office next to the restaurant, doing lines and counting receipts, sitting there in white sable briefs getting more and more paranoid as he scootched back and forth in his seat.
posted by klangklangston at 4:11 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


"I was thinking about this the other day, and wondering if Tim Burton would ever again make a film that didn't in some way feature Johnny Depp in a quirky hat."

I think that's more Depp than Burton—see Dead Man and Pirates of the Carribean.
posted by klangklangston at 4:13 PM on August 24, 2009


Good lord, that askme.
posted by boo_radley at 4:13 PM on August 24, 2009


To do it right correctly.

I would also accept "accurately." But "right" does not belong anywhere near "They're saaable" and that mental image.
posted by EvaDestruction at 4:18 PM on August 24, 2009


It could be worse. He might have live sables down there.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:19 PM on August 24, 2009


"I was thinking about this the other day, and wondering if Tim Burton would ever again make a film that didn't in some way feature Johnny Depp in a quirky hat."

I think that's more Depp than Burton—see Dead Man and Pirates of the Carribean.


Or Benny and Joon, for that matter.
posted by George_Spiggott at 4:23 PM on August 24, 2009


In the future, we will be wearing sable modems.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:24 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Yeah... don't really have a problem with "tubby" Val Kilmer. I still think he's totally hotness on a stick, fat notwithstanding.

In case it wasn't clear enough, the point was that the same logic that you described would have held if the flabby ass was male, hence the male examples, and that this isn't a "male gaze" thing at all.

To answer your original question more directly:

There's no "male gaze" here -- heterosexual men would have been unlikely to object if you put an ad with a muscley shirtless guy over on the side. On the other hand, I expect a few exceptionally sensitive flowers of both sexes, and varying sexual orientations, might object if you put this guy next to some text about a relatively serious subject because:

(1) The arguably flabby ass doesn't add much to the serious text.
(2) The arguably flabby ass is a distraction, because a photo of a flabby ass is unexpected in the popular media with serious text, and it's therefore somewhat attention-grabbing. Whereas a photo of a toned ass in a thong or a shirtless buff dude or other person who most people would call "hot" is by virtue of its sheer ubiquity mere visual noise with near-zero attention-grabbing potential.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:25 PM on August 24, 2009


In the future, we will be wearing sable modems.

Naturally. They feeeeel amazing against the baudy.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:26 PM on August 24, 2009 [9 favorites]


Huh. It looks like ads on this page aren't working, in Firefox or the Twitterfon embedded Safari.

If you think Val Kilmer's been only in bleh movies lately, I for one really loved Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

Also, damn, PeterMcDermott. I was just marvelling that maybe we'd finally made it a month without that phrase.
posted by Pronoiac at 4:26 PM on August 24, 2009


I really, really wanted to like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. But I didn't.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:28 PM on August 24, 2009


I always get Benny & Joon confused with Henry & June. I remembered hearing that it was based on Henry Miler and Anais Nin and thinking, Why'd they set it in '90s Washington?
posted by klangklangston at 4:31 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Now, see, ROU... your example is exactly "up my alley", so to speak, but the way his shorts ride up HIS alley don't do anything for me at all. Sometimes it's wise to realize that the cutoffs have simply fallen apart too much in the washer, and it's time to get out the scissors and start on a new pair. (Note, the statement is about the clothing choice, NOT the person.)
posted by hippybear at 4:33 PM on August 24, 2009


make a date with the brassy brides of britain
the altogether ruder readers' wives
who put down their needles and their knitting
at the doorway to our dismal daily lives

the fablon top scenarios of passion
nipples peep through holes in leatherette
they seem to be saying in their fashion
'I'm freezing charlie - haven't ya finished yet?'

cold flesh the colour of potatoes
in an instamatic living room of sin
all the required apparatus
too bad they couldn't fit her head in

in latex pyjamas with bananas going ape
their identities are cunningly disguised
by a six-inch strip of insulation tape
strategically stuck across their eyes

wives from inverness to inner london
prettiness and pimples co-exist
pictorially wife-swapping with someone
who's happily married to his wrist



- john cooper clarke
posted by mds35 at 4:34 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


I always get Benny & Joon confused with Henry & June. I remembered hearing that it was based on Henry Miler and Anais Nin and thinking, Why'd they set it in '90s Washington?

I always get Henry & June confused with Milo & Otis, which is its own set of problems.
posted by lore at 4:38 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm confused but not angry. Who can make me angry AND confused and then lite this pitchfork?
posted by The Whelk at 4:42 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Anything with "&" in the title, I just call it "Turner & Hooch", for the sake of consistency.
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:43 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


OH NOW YOU'RE HATING ON THE GAZE!
posted by Artw at 4:46 PM on August 24, 2009


Thank God it wasn't Henry Louis Gates' flabby ass.
posted by showmethecalvino at 4:53 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I just got off the phone with motherfuckers who owe me for freelance work I did back in May (who promised to pay me within a week of submitting my invoice, which I did the first week in June) and they told me that they wouldn't be able to get back to me until at least Wednesday, so I'm pretty goddamned livid at the moment. This is after being told that they'd get me the money by Friday or "first thing" on Monday, and me having to call them at 4:00pm and getting the "CEO" telling me that, well, really, that was his assistant's job to call me, so he wasn't sure why I was dialing him direct.

I really should have done better due diligence when I first looked at this company, as the principal's website has now folded, as has his personal page at UCLA (which even the wayback machine doesn't seem able to find). It's not a tremendous amount of money, but it's goddamn frustrating and I'm goddamn skint, and I was willing to put up with ego and bullshit if I was going to get paid, but since I ain't, it's turning more and more into me calling, him putting up some sort of half-assed excuse and blowing me off while I fume.

(And while I've been professional on the phone, it's churning up all sorts of ugly, mean-ass thoughts because the guy is such a statistically-improbable confluence of minorities; an albino African American who happens to be mincingly, condescendingly gay and has a wall-eye? Who, according to the business manager who used to work there, isn't paying freelancers because he decided to expand his grant writing business into producing short independent films about gay identity in Long Beach, which, from the tenor of the meetings he ran, seems to mean an endless parade of interrupting hard bodies in cut-offs coming around to flatter him… Who endlessly gave the writers shit about how he'll decide when we work because he's paying us so much that if we don't like it we can walk… I am not your "sweetie," your "hon," I am the motherfucking writer you owe money! GRAR GRAR RAR MOTHERFUCKER.)
posted by klangklangston at 5:02 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


OH NOW YOU'RE HATING ON THE GAZE!

Okay, no more of those Peter David novels for you, man.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:02 PM on August 24, 2009


Sorry, that was for Whelk wanting to know who to be angry at.
posted by klangklangston at 5:03 PM on August 24, 2009


Klang, stop living in a Dennis Cooper novel, k?
posted by The Whelk at 5:03 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


"Thank God it wasn't Henry Louis Gates' flabby ass."

DO YOU KNOW WHOSE ASS THIS IS?
posted by klangklangston at 5:04 PM on August 24, 2009


"Klang, stop living in a Dennis Cooper novel, k?"

And here I thought, I'm not on heroin. But that's Denis Johnson.
posted by klangklangston at 5:09 PM on August 24, 2009


Can we stop talking about people's johnsons?
posted by qvantamon at 5:13 PM on August 24, 2009


an albino African American who happens to be mincingly, condescendingly gay and has a wall-eye?

1. What does it mean to be "condescendingly gay"?
2. Wall-eye?
posted by Sys Rq at 5:17 PM on August 24, 2009



Can we stop talking about people's johnsons?


And start talkin' about mine?

My mom's ex. He was a Johnson. From Kansas. What?
posted by The Whelk at 5:24 PM on August 24, 2009


I think that's more Depp than Burton—see Dead Man and Pirates of the Carribean.

Or Benny and Joon, for that matter.


Or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
In Public Enemies he sports a fedora. Said hat's quirkiness is a hotbutton issue on this site, but I'm going to count it.
I remember Al Pacino wearing a silly hat in Donnie Brasco, but don't know if Depp wore one or not.

In movies in which Depp doesn't wear a hat, he often has interesting hair. See Sweeney Todd, Edward Scissorhands, Blow, Cry Baby, From Hell.

Depp's future work promises some more interesting top-of-head choices. The Lone Ranger? Funny hat. Dali? Oh, yes, hat and hair all together.
posted by Bookhouse at 5:26 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


1. What does it mean to be "condescendingly gay"?

As a former photo assistant who worked with lots of gay men, I can tell you you have NEVER been put in your place until you have been condescended to by a very gay man who has decided to make an example of you.

That aside, I miss working for the gays......
posted by lumpenprole at 5:27 PM on August 24, 2009


I now want someone to do a Depp From The Forehead Up roundup, just chronicling that shit. Because, man.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:29 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Well, according to the school of Gay Astrology, Proascendantly Gay is the gay rising sign, so I assume Condescendingly Gay signifies gays going down. So they're both very positive signs, I would imagine.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:29 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


"What does it mean to be "condescendingly gay"?"

1) "Don't worry about the money—you're too pretty for me to let you go hungry," and modes of speech associated with gay stereotypes of the most cartoonish nature employed in a condescending, overly familiar way.

2) Exotropic strabismus, the opposite of being cross-eyed.
posted by klangklangston at 5:29 PM on August 24, 2009


Quick! Name the last movie in which Johnny Depp didn't have funny hair, a funny hat, or an outrageous accent!
posted by The Whelk at 5:36 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


Is it Ghostbusters II?
posted by Dumsnill at 5:38 PM on August 24, 2009 [6 favorites]


Julie and Julia
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:38 PM on August 24, 2009


I remember Al Pacino wearing a silly hat in Donnie Brasco, but don't know if Depp wore one or not.

In movies in which Depp doesn't wear a hat, he often has interesting hair. See Sweeney Todd, Edward Scissorhands, Blow, Cry Baby, From Hell.


He doesn't wear a fedora in Brasco, but his hair was indeed interesting in that it appeared to have been soaked in a vat of grease--probably so he'd look more [racism deleted]. To the casting director's credit, Depp was more convincing in Donnie Brasco than Kevin Kline was in Love You to Death.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:39 PM on August 24, 2009


Depp in hat, in From Hell.
posted by klangklangston at 5:44 PM on August 24, 2009


Depp, hat, Brasco."
posted by klangklangston at 5:48 PM on August 24, 2009


Name the last movie in which Johnny Depp didn't have funny hair, a funny hat, or an outrageous accent!

Ed Wood?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:15 PM on August 24, 2009


Haven't seen it, but on browsing his filmography, The Astronaut's Wife looks like it might be a possibility. Hair looks fairly boring, character wouldn't seem to require a funny accent, and I can't see any hats in evidence. Anybody seen it and care to comment? Note: spacesuits don't count as hats.
posted by flashboy at 6:21 PM on August 24, 2009


Freddy's Dead?

Space suits don't count as hats. Space helmets count as hats.
posted by klangklangston at 6:24 PM on August 24, 2009


A flabby ass in a really tight swimsuit is a Meatbomb, amirite?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:27 PM on August 24, 2009


Ed Wood?

Hair.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:39 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


how the hell do you wash sable underpants?
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:42 PM on August 24, 2009


Have they deployed bingo cards yet?

Moar liek bingo wings amirite hurf durf
posted by flabdablet at 6:47 PM on August 24, 2009


A wig is a sort of hat, so Ed Wood is out.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:51 PM on August 24, 2009


how the hell do you wash sable underpants?

More to the point, if the guy gets some kind of sexual kick specifically from wearing the underpants, if you removed them would he suddenly become disabled?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:15 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


I'd've thought a wig would rule him out as it would count as funny hair (which is less of a stretch than calling it a hat).
posted by Dysk at 7:15 PM on August 24, 2009


Sorry, that was for Whelk wanting to know who to be angry at.

No, no, don't apologize. You made me angry and confused, as well.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:33 PM on August 24, 2009


"And here I thought, I'm not on heroin. But that's Denis Johnson."

Could you please leave the fucking Celtics out of this?
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 7:34 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Sheesh.

Alright, movie critics. Name me ONE Travolta movie that he doesn't dance in ONE. Can't do it, can ya?
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:36 PM on August 24, 2009


I'm confused but not angry. Who can make me angry AND confused and then lite this pitchfork?

When you get done with Klang's idiot squad above, could I next send a pitchfork crew after

1) the city department that withdrew their funding from my theater company this year, and

2) my DSL service for being IDIOTIC?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:36 PM on August 24, 2009


Devils Rancher: "Name me ONE Travolta movie that he doesn't dance in ONE. Can't do it, can ya?"

Though I haven't seen it, I wouldn't expect Battlefield Earth to contain much dancing. I hope I'm wrong.
posted by shammack at 7:44 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Name me ONE Travolta movie that he doesn't dance in ONE.

Broken Arrow.
posted by misha at 7:46 PM on August 24, 2009


I submit that the Southern solution to Helena Bonham Carter's unfortunate picture angle would be to pretend it wasn't there and concentrate on the main point of the link.

1.) The southern solution involves seceding from the union, preparing a lot of tasty, though not exactly healthy side dishes, drinking a bottle of bourbon and writing at least 100,000 words of florid prose about time, guilt, obsession and white cotton underpants. Not necessarily in that order.

2.) I, for one, am glad to see that Helena Bonham-Carter has not been permanently scarred from (more or less) a lifetime of period movie roles. There is nothing even remotely pleasant about wearing a corset, even if it does get you in a prestige film.

3.) This is the most amusing misogyny thread I've come across in a good, long while. I blame it on the sable underpants and the Johnny Depp.
posted by thivaia at 7:47 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


My mom's ex. He was a Johnson. From Kansas. What?

We might be distant ex step-cousins, The Whelk. My great-grandmother's first husband was a Johnson. In Kansas. He had 6 kids with her, then left her for a younger woman and had a second batch of kids who were younger than his original group of grandhildren. It made for interesting family reunions.

My former step-mother's first husband was also a Johnson. In Kansas. He also left her for a younger woman.

The obvious lesson here: Don't marry a Johnson in Kansas.
posted by amyms at 8:01 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


Name me ONE Travolta movie that he doesn't dance in ONE.

The Punisher - however, maybe he should have. It's not like anything could have made that flick any worse.
posted by EatTheWeak at 8:01 PM on August 24, 2009


Broken Arrow. The Punisher.

Wait. That's two. You're cheating.

Not even one little itty bitty bit of dancing? Sometimes, I think it's in his rider. (I won't be seeing Battlefield Earth)
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:05 PM on August 24, 2009


Name me ONE Travolta movie that he doesn't dance in ONE.

Bolt.

Oh, are we playing film trivia? OK (without looking it up) who is (St. Elsewhere, NCIS) Mark Harmon's wife?

We really should do some sort of Metafilter pub quiz.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 8:05 PM on August 24, 2009


see ya and raise ya,

Tony Randall fathered 2 children. In his late 70's. With a woman 50 years younger than him. By having sex. With a woman.


Not only that, Tony Randall had been married for 50 years previous to that, to another woman, with whom he also had sexual intercourse. TONY RANDALL HAD SEX WITH AT LEAST TWO LADIES!!!

Actually, Tony Randall's self-presentation wasn't, when he started in show business, a coded "I am behaving like this as a way of conveying my gayness" a la Charles Nelson Reilly. Tony Randall's self-presentation was modeled on Alfred Lunt (apparently heterosexual-ish) and Ronald Colman (heterosexual) via Jack Benny (certainly heterosexual) and Fred Astaire (also heterosexual) and Roland Young (overly heterosexual, as in creepy sexual harasser of all female co-stars).

Which was why it was so interesting to me to see David Hyde-Pierce (extremely openly homosexual) play the "Tony Randall role" in Down with Love, because to me it really showcased how that over-the-top prissy/intellectual/dryly enthusiastic male persona has become identified with gay culture in the past 50 years.
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:09 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


who is (St. Elsewhere, NCIS) Mark Harmon's wife?

Pam Dawber of "Mork and Mindy" fame? Or did they get a divorce?

"Mork and Mindy" was one of my great blunders in trendspotting. I saw the first episode and went into fifth grade the next day all "This'll be a horrible flop, and that guy in the suspenders is going nowhere."

OTOH, I know someone who wrote a review saying that the Dave Clark Five would outsell the Beatles, so.
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:11 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


> Though I haven't seen it, I wouldn't expect Battlefield Earth to contain much dancing. I hope I'm wrong.

That movie is so bad I honestly can't remember if there was dancing. There very well could've been and that portion of my brain killed itself to protect my sanity.

Highly recommended. With rifftrax.
posted by cj_ at 8:14 PM on August 24, 2009


Sidhedevil, I don't know them personally so I wouldn't know, just what the tubes tell me. But you are correct. Apart from them and wikipedia, I thought I was the only other person to know. Which is why I suck at pub quizes.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 8:26 PM on August 24, 2009


Name me one Al Pacino movie where he doesn't have a meltdown-monologue punctuated by "hoo-ahs".

Then top yourself by naming me a Robert De Niro movie where he doesn't frown to express agreement.
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:47 PM on August 24, 2009


Name me one Al Pacino movie where he doesn't have a meltdown-monologue punctuated by "hoo-ahs".

Then top yourself by naming me a Robert De Niro movie where he doesn't frown to express agreement.


the answer to both is "Stardust"
posted by EatTheWeak at 8:58 PM on August 24, 2009


(i'm pretty sure. less confident about the frown thing)
posted by EatTheWeak at 8:58 PM on August 24, 2009


what have i done?
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 PM on August 24, 2009


The adjective that leaps to mind when I think of Helena Bonham Carter is 'vulpine'. I have no opinion on her posterior.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:03 PM on August 24, 2009


the answer to both is "Stardust"

Was Pacino even in that?
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:11 PM on August 24, 2009


As long as were talking about celebrities, this week I partied with a rock star. Actually, I just shared a couple beers and some video poker with Gary, the drummer from .38 Special and we were both really jetlagged, but he told some good stories.
posted by jonmc at 9:16 PM on August 24, 2009


That's nothing man, I once loaned Russell Crowe my phone.

Never did get that back.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:18 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


I submit that the Southern solution to Helena Bonham Carter's unfortunate picture angle would be to pretend it wasn't there and concentrate on the main point of the link.

And then talk about her later when she leaves the room.
posted by smackfu at 9:18 PM on August 24, 2009 [1 favorite]


I saw a Famous Actor feeling up his girlfriend in the chip aisle of a fancy grocery store on Sunset Blvd. this week. As I turned into the aisle, the girlfriend looked up to see if anyone was watching and then we shared a very uncomfortable moment of yes, I am watching [Famous Actor] feel you up.

Then I grabbed my chips and split.
posted by Bookhouse at 9:30 PM on August 24, 2009 [2 favorites]


Was Pacino even in that?

Oh, holy shit, I read "Al Pacino" and saw "Robert DeNiro" Oh, goddamnit.

I think I figured out my first pony request. I'd like MeFi to come with a breathalyzer, please. It never, Never, NEVER goes well when I get on here boozed up.
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:33 PM on August 24, 2009


Oh, holy shit, I read "Al Pacino" and saw "Robert DeNiro" Oh, goddamnit.

I get that in coffee shops, I always end up ordering the Robert DeNiro. Which, in an ideal world, would be an oval slice of fruit toast with one very prominent raisin.
posted by turgid dahlia at 9:37 PM on August 24, 2009 [3 favorites]


I don't think there's any "hoo-ahs" in Righteous Kill, though, FWIW.
posted by EatTheWeak at 9:37 PM on August 24, 2009


I'd like MeFi to come with free alcohol. Or you can just bring yours here. Problem solved.
posted by desjardins at 9:38 PM on August 24, 2009


The MeFi breathalyser could be called BoozerFilter.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:09 PM on August 24, 2009


The Whelk: "Quick! Name the last movie in which Johnny Depp didn't have funny hair, a funny hat, or an outrageous accent!"

The movie you're looking for is The Ninth Gate. After that it would have been The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, except that film was disastrously shut down by what can only be described as a series of Acts of God. taking these two (or one and a half) films together, you can see why Johnny Depp has had funny hair, a funny hat, a funny accent or a combination of the three in every movie he has done since.

just found out, by the way, that The Man Who Killed Don Quixote has now returned to pre-production for a possible 2011 release. Cross your fingers and knock on wood, folks.
posted by shmegegge at 10:15 PM on August 24, 2009


The picture of Terry Gilliam that I keep on my bedside table has just burst into flame.

That's probably a...good sign? Right?
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:21 PM on August 24, 2009


so, I'm not gonna closely read this thread, and I'm pretty okay with it, but I assume Geri Halliwell's tits weren't there earlier, because now they are, and to pick out the flabby ass and not the tits is definitely hinky.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:54 PM on August 24, 2009


I guess I am going to have to go check that out for research
posted by kathrineg at 10:55 PM on August 24, 2009


Also, just sayin', back when the internet was new and movies often had only one webpage devoted to them, I was the webmistress of My Lady Jane, the webpage for that terrific little period piece with a deliciously young HBC and Carey fucking Elwes. I recall the last update to it was some time before Fight Club, and I had her role listed as Marla, a singer.

Talk about orgasmic accents in the wayback machine. A real shilling!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:00 PM on August 24, 2009


sorry I said I was going to research that
posted by kathrineg at 11:17 PM on August 24, 2009


> Don't judge a Helena Botham Carter until you walked a mile in her incredible, spring loaded steampunk London urchin shoes!

Wow, those shoes are awesome! They are apparently commercially available.


Dammit, I wish I didn't live in the boonies. Those shoes are bloody amazing! I would order a pair in a minute if they had an online shop but they don't, and the closest retailer is 735 km away. Curses!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:58 PM on August 24, 2009


yeah cuz HBC is kind of the shit, and her Burton phase is the wash-up but let's not be flitty about her, she is and will always be the shit, a real fucking shilling, I said. yeah i'm passionate.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:14 AM on August 25, 2009


Yeah, flabby ass moved down a couple notches to make way for Geri's boobs.

Daily Mail is not a very good site to link to in a serious post, methinks.
posted by cj_ at 1:26 AM on August 25, 2009


Well, what did we all expect? Metafilter is a cesspool of profanity.
posted by mippy at 2:34 AM on August 25, 2009


Well, yes, I guess it is exactly this hard. When you call someone "hotness on a stick" in direct response to a comment about his "tubby" body, there is really no reason to assume you are referring to his scorching acting talent.

I think at this point it becomes a choice between believing in some sort of complete linguistic incompetance or a setup for a "oh I'm so superior to you all" smugasm.

If you think Val Kilmer's been only in bleh movies lately, I for one really loved Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

True, true.

A flabby ass in a really tight swimsuit is a Meatbomb, amirite?

Now you made me think of Meatloaf in speedos.
posted by rodgerd at 3:15 AM on August 25, 2009


The picture of Terry Gilliam that I keep on my bedside table has just burst into flame.

I think you're supposed to stamp it out with a giant bare foot.
posted by chrismear at 4:12 AM on August 25, 2009 [8 favorites]


Now you made me think of Meatloaf in speedos.

I'll be in my bunk.
posted by The Whelk at 5:46 AM on August 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


> "Mork and Mindy" was one of my great blunders in trendspotting. I saw the first episode and went into fifth grade the next day all "This'll be a horrible flop, and that guy in the suspenders is going nowhere."

My brother used to work at Paramount, and he got me into a screening of "Mork and Mindy" during its first season. Robin Williams was absolutely unstoppable; during breaks in the filming he would run around, joke with audience members, use poor Pam Dawber as a straight man (so to speak—I don't think you can say "straight person" in that sense, can you?), and generally act like a manic cokehead genius. He was the funniest thing I'd ever seen live, and ever since then I've watched his slide into, well, what he's become with awe and terror. Celebrity fucks you up.
posted by languagehat at 7:26 AM on August 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


linguistic incompetance
posted by breezeway at 7:28 AM on August 25, 2009


They are apparently commercially available and she seems to be wearing the Taos Strap style in particular.

Cool is when you wear something that is clearly targeted squarely at the elderly and pull it off.
posted by smackfu at 7:46 AM on August 25, 2009


You know who I hear get a ton of tail? The Wiggles. Ker-razy!

Which Wiggle do you suppose gets the most? I'd guess Anthony, he's got that rugged Australian good looking thing going for him, but Murray might get bonus for the electric guitar thing.

I bet it used to be Greg, but he wore himself out.

And what about Captain Feathersword?
posted by Reverend John at 9:05 AM on August 25, 2009


Wake up, Greg!
posted by Artw at 9:16 AM on August 25, 2009


Jack Benny (certainly heterosexual)

Wait—seriously? I mean, sure, he and Rochester probably slept in separate beds, but so did Ricky and Lucy.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:24 AM on August 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


They are apparently commercially available and she seems to be wearing the Taos Strap style in particular.

Cool is when you wear something that is clearly targeted squarely at the elderly and pull it off.


I can't be the only one who suffered a degree of disappointment after clicking on the link to Z-Coils and realizing they are designed for the tragically dowdy, rather than hip.
posted by oneirodynia at 10:41 AM on August 25, 2009


I was just staying with some MeFi friends in Canada and they were talking about this thread and my friend was like "I was looking at Meatbomb's profile pic and it's really funny because if you look at it the wrong way he looks like this big pasty guy with no neck but he's really just sitting in this sort of strange chair" and I had to tell him that Meatbomb, in that photo, really is this weird looking pasty guy with no neck. In real life he is a charming tattooed man who talks Canadianese.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 10:43 AM on August 25, 2009


Sadly:

1. I do not own a speedo
2. I have a bad back so I can't do squats
3. I don't like exercise, so won't do jumping jacks

However, just for you mattdidthat, I have temporarily unprivated this disgusting, horrible, NSFW picture of me pretending to lick my flabby manboobs.

Do not click that link unless you want to see a disturbing, unappetizing, NSFW picture of Meatbomb pretending to lick his flabby manboobs! IS NO JOKE!!!
posted by Meatbomb at 10:46 AM on August 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


Lack of preview... jessamyn, my profile pick was especially staged and chosen to make me look like a mouth breathing pasty geek. So I guess Mission Accomplished!
posted by Meatbomb at 10:49 AM on August 25, 2009


Well now I have to go bleach my eyes.
posted by Mister_A at 10:52 AM on August 25, 2009


I mean, you could've warned me somehow, Meatbomb.
posted by Mister_A at 10:52 AM on August 25, 2009


Cuz I thought you were being ironic.
posted by Mister_A at 10:54 AM on August 25, 2009


Bookhouse—How could you have missed Depp's most salient upcoming work? In the slated Alice in Wonderland he plays, yes, yes, the Mad Hatter.
posted by klangklangston at 11:25 AM on August 25, 2009


Meatbomb, if your father is not proud of you, I am.
posted by not_on_display at 11:45 AM on August 25, 2009


Sadly:

1. I do not own a speedo


"Sadly".
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:06 PM on August 25, 2009


Aaand that's a wrap. I think I'll just close this up now.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:21 PM on August 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


This is clearly a cry for help, or at least a banana hammock.
posted by The Whelk at 1:53 PM on August 25, 2009


Bookhouse—How could you have missed Depp's most salient upcoming work?

I thought we'd agreed to stipulate that all Depp/Burton projects, both past and future, will include an amusing Deppian cranium.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:29 PM on August 25, 2009


This is clearly a cry for help, or at least a banana hammock.

No, no it is not. No. This is a cry to leave good enough alone.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:47 PM on August 25, 2009


I know what someone is getting for Secret Quonsar!
posted by The Whelk at 2:52 PM on August 25, 2009


"my profile pick was especially staged and chosen to make me look like a mouth breathing pasty geek. So I guess Mission Accomplished!" -Meatbomb

Meatbomb, you're my friend on Flickr, and every time I see your little avatar buddy thing I think "oh my god, why am I friends with this shirtless creep?"

Then I remember. Metafilter! or Metachat, or maybe Grace Metalious
posted by Juliet Banana at 3:07 PM on August 25, 2009


Also, damn, PeterMcDermott. I was just marvelling that maybe we'd finally made it a month without that phrase.

Given that the Cooter clock isn't running any longer, I hadn't realized anyone was counting.

Nevertheless, what I meant to say was, 'I find her so attractive that her flabby ass would not be a disincentive to coitus.'
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:26 PM on August 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


When I was working at the Death Star on the terrible pornography, there was a tirade from the boss about how this model had a disgusting ass, and how he wouldn't deign to fuck her because he just wouldn't be able to focus on anything but her terrible ass the entire time.

To which I replied, You know you can fuck frontwards, right?

(All it got me was an icy glare.)
posted by klangklangston at 5:16 PM on August 25, 2009


They have porn and baseball on the death star? Can you get me a job there?
posted by Mister_A at 6:17 PM on August 25, 2009


Well, I guess we all learned something here today:

If we walked a mile in Smdelyman's shoes we'd have a backache, bad attitude and want our money back.
But then I did doze off after I read his comment...
posted by y2karl at 8:29 PM on August 25, 2009


Cool is when you wear something that is clearly targeted squarely at the elderly and pull it off.

A Life Alert bracelet?
posted by krinklyfig at 10:46 PM on August 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


Given that the Cooter clock isn't running any longer, I hadn't realized anyone was counting.

That comment really sucked, is what I was trying to say, regardless of the stopped clock.
posted by Pronoiac at 11:05 PM on August 25, 2009


Yeah, I knew you would. That's why I posted it.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:36 AM on August 26, 2009


"Now you made me think of Meatloaf in speedos."

If you had the misfortune to tune in to ABC last night, you might have been treated to the spectacle of Shaquille O'Neal in a giant pink speedo with his name written across the ass.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 10:35 AM on August 26, 2009


this month alone i found out that all the BeeGees and James Lipton have apparently enjoyed long relationships with women

James Lipton's been married since 1970.

By the way, I much prefer the photo caption writer's description ('curvaceous behind') to 'flabby ass'.

Is "badonkadonk" not the correct term?

My only point of reference for The Daily Mail is from a Smiths song.

Beatles, too. "His son is working for the Daily Mail" in "Paperback Writer."
posted by kirkaracha at 1:15 PM on August 26, 2009


I just wish that Helena Bonham Carter wasn't the butt of all these cruel jokes.
posted by Mister_A at 12:21 PM on August 27, 2009


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