Closing the Loop: Looks Like we're Going to Make It September 15, 2009 7:49 PM Subscribe
RelationshipFilter: Followup to AskMe post here; related MetaTalk post here.
Hi, everyone. It's Ryan.
I'd like to assure you that despite some peripheral speculation to the contrary (and our use of pseudonyms) Liz and I are very real, and very grateful to you all. Specifically, I'd like to call out jessamyn for her even-handed approach to moderation, as well as Miko, wfrgms, and many others for thoughtful and helpful advice.
Also, these posts were not viral ads for anything, and the links I provided were only to illustrate, not for profit. In case you were wondering.
Also also, if someone wants to turn this story into a movie, I'd like to be played by Ewan McGregor. I think he's pretty keen.
Hi, everyone. It's Ryan.
I'd like to assure you that despite some peripheral speculation to the contrary (and our use of pseudonyms) Liz and I are very real, and very grateful to you all. Specifically, I'd like to call out jessamyn for her even-handed approach to moderation, as well as Miko, wfrgms, and many others for thoughtful and helpful advice.
Also, these posts were not viral ads for anything, and the links I provided were only to illustrate, not for profit. In case you were wondering.
Also also, if someone wants to turn this story into a movie, I'd like to be played by Ewan McGregor. I think he's pretty keen.
Oops, I just posted in the Ask, but.....I am literally tearing up reading your update. I'm so happy for you. Mazel tov!!
posted by tristeza at 8:21 PM on September 15, 2009
posted by tristeza at 8:21 PM on September 15, 2009
Wow, that's really a much better outcome than I'd thought possible from that post! I'm glad things are working out, too.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 8:21 PM on September 15, 2009
posted by StrikeTheViol at 8:21 PM on September 15, 2009
That is so great. Reading the start of it from your point of view was so heartbreaking, and I was tearing up just reading that. Betrayal is a mug. One really fantastic thing mefi helps you do is work through your thoughts. At its best, it helps break down the mechanisms we operate under, to help us identify things that are happening that we often can't identify ourselves. It's like stumbling around in the dark and then a bunch of people come in with flashlights. Once you can get a clear picture of what is happening, and things seem to stay illuminated after repeated discussion and the light of the ongoing analysis of the folks here, it helps with moving forward confidently. So many things I've gleaned from this website just pop up at random times. My heart goes out to you. I wasn't lucky enough to have mefi around when I got cheated on years ago. May you and your wife continue to sail into your new life together, taking this negative event and turning into the lives you can live together, forever. Also, fuck Facebook.
posted by cashman at 8:45 PM on September 15, 2009
posted by cashman at 8:45 PM on September 15, 2009
I hope that the hell that you've been through will help others who unfortunately find themselves in a similar position. Thank you for being so open with this community. I wish you and your family everlasting happiness.
posted by ColdChef at 9:01 PM on September 15, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by ColdChef at 9:01 PM on September 15, 2009 [4 favorites]
I'm glad things have improved so much. Thanks for the update but, even more, thanks for the perspective. It's so easy on relationship AskMe questions to sanctify the Asker and vilify the other party who didn't get to tell their story. While I didn't post in the original question as I remember I was all-too willing to do that. I hope in the future I can remember this lesson and approach these questions with an attempt at sympathy and understanding for both parties, not just the Asker, even when I don't comment.
posted by 6550 at 9:12 PM on September 15, 2009
posted by 6550 at 9:12 PM on September 15, 2009
Awwww, that's sweet. Thanks for the update, and good luck.
posted by Forktine at 9:50 PM on September 15, 2009
posted by Forktine at 9:50 PM on September 15, 2009
I'm so glad your family came through this with love, and learned so much, and survived. Thanks so much for the update.
posted by theora55 at 9:52 PM on September 15, 2009
posted by theora55 at 9:52 PM on September 15, 2009
Some of the differences in our relationship have evolved organically. I have gone from not respecting her much at all (convinced of my own superior intellect, among other things - what an ass!) to surprised admiration of her skillful deception, to genuine appreciation of her as a person and partner.
Does it make me a bad person if, on reading this, I immediately thought of the end of Galaxy Quest?
(Thanks, and good luck!)
posted by teraflop at 10:04 PM on September 15, 2009
Does it make me a bad person if, on reading this, I immediately thought of the end of Galaxy Quest?
(Thanks, and good luck!)
posted by teraflop at 10:04 PM on September 15, 2009
I knew there was a reason I still defend RelationshipFilter.
posted by lunit at 10:40 PM on September 15, 2009
posted by lunit at 10:40 PM on September 15, 2009
I'm looking forward to future AskMes seeking help picking out good Valentine's and anniversary presents. All the best to you and your family.
Oh, please note that in the climax of the script I'm adapting from your post, you use a pack of velociraptors and a few RPG rounds to get rid of your television. And the new Jay Leno show is playing while you do it. Your update was short on details as to how that went down, so I had to take some poetic license. Hope you don't mind.
(McCregor seems really excited to work with the raptors. I guess he had one as a kid.)
posted by EatTheWeek at 11:00 PM on September 15, 2009 [6 favorites]
Oh, please note that in the climax of the script I'm adapting from your post, you use a pack of velociraptors and a few RPG rounds to get rid of your television. And the new Jay Leno show is playing while you do it. Your update was short on details as to how that went down, so I had to take some poetic license. Hope you don't mind.
(McCregor seems really excited to work with the raptors. I guess he had one as a kid.)
posted by EatTheWeek at 11:00 PM on September 15, 2009 [6 favorites]
Congratulations to the two of you for moving past the initial hurt and creating a better marriage out of this. It's wonderful to see a happy ending!
posted by ukdanae at 2:33 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by ukdanae at 2:33 AM on September 16, 2009
Yay! I love happy updates. Awesome stuff, congrats on making it work.
posted by futureisunwritten at 5:07 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by futureisunwritten at 5:07 AM on September 16, 2009
This seems like the best of outcomes. Congratulations.
posted by OmieWise at 5:10 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by OmieWise at 5:10 AM on September 16, 2009
Good on ya - keep up the good work.
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:53 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:53 AM on September 16, 2009
Neato!
posted by mrmojoflying at 7:14 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by mrmojoflying at 7:14 AM on September 16, 2009
Thanks for the update; I'm really glad you guys worked it out.
posted by languagehat at 7:17 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by languagehat at 7:17 AM on September 16, 2009
Oh, hooray! It's always nice to feel like the community of which you are a part makes people's lives better.
I'm so happy for both of you and am so glad you came back to let us know how things turned out -- I think it is safe to say that we were all pulling for you. Best of luck in the future.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:27 AM on September 16, 2009
I'm so happy for both of you and am so glad you came back to let us know how things turned out -- I think it is safe to say that we were all pulling for you. Best of luck in the future.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 7:27 AM on September 16, 2009
It's good to know that, on occasion, people can survive this kind of thing and come out better for it.
Yay!
posted by quin at 7:42 AM on September 16, 2009
Yay!
posted by quin at 7:42 AM on September 16, 2009
This is good news.
I am wondering though, it doesn't sound like you went the high-cost/low-cost sacrifice route. I mean, you made changes in your life, but some of those were forced on you (the school, the homeschooling), while otherws were apparently more of a mutual thing (get rid of the TV, cut back on your hours). Maybe I am missing something, and obviously what you did worked. But since the premise of the AskMe was the asymmetric sacrifices, I wonder if you would be able to note where that thread or approach went in your own life. I only ask because I found it to be an interesting approach to this kind of problem and wonder if there was an attempt made to implement it; if it became a sort of relationship lubricant just talking about it; if some of the changes you described were instigated by it, or what.
Anyway, sounds like hard work you two, and yet, good work.
posted by Rumple at 8:09 AM on September 16, 2009
I am wondering though, it doesn't sound like you went the high-cost/low-cost sacrifice route. I mean, you made changes in your life, but some of those were forced on you (the school, the homeschooling), while otherws were apparently more of a mutual thing (get rid of the TV, cut back on your hours). Maybe I am missing something, and obviously what you did worked. But since the premise of the AskMe was the asymmetric sacrifices, I wonder if you would be able to note where that thread or approach went in your own life. I only ask because I found it to be an interesting approach to this kind of problem and wonder if there was an attempt made to implement it; if it became a sort of relationship lubricant just talking about it; if some of the changes you described were instigated by it, or what.
Anyway, sounds like hard work you two, and yet, good work.
posted by Rumple at 8:09 AM on September 16, 2009
I'm glad to hear that you guys made changes that worked for both of you, and for your kids. Best of luck in the future.
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:57 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:57 AM on September 16, 2009
That was a really sad situation. I'm glad you guys have found some happiness.
posted by anniecat at 9:05 AM on September 16, 2009
posted by anniecat at 9:05 AM on September 16, 2009
Congrats, guys.
I am constantly amazed at how much I've learned about people and relationships from Ask Metafilter. I only wish it existed 20 years ago. I am a better husband and father because of the advice here, and it just keeps on teaching me.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 1:55 PM on September 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
I am constantly amazed at how much I've learned about people and relationships from Ask Metafilter. I only wish it existed 20 years ago. I am a better husband and father because of the advice here, and it just keeps on teaching me.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 1:55 PM on September 16, 2009 [2 favorites]
Congrats, guys! I read that AskMe, I think, back in my lurky days here at Metafilter. I am so glad everything worked out for you. I love happy endings.
posted by SkylitDrawl at 7:18 PM on September 17, 2009
posted by SkylitDrawl at 7:18 PM on September 17, 2009
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posted by kylej at 8:00 PM on September 15, 2009