Russian women for sale in Google ad September 21, 2009 5:18 AM   Subscribe

Talking about Russia? Perhaps you would also like to find yourself a nice Russian bride? Google ads show some real class in this thread (about Russian nuclear arms). More inside.

I think it's possible to opt out of the Google ads you don't want; if so, I suggest Metafilter says no to similar ads in the future. This is what you see when you're not logged in:

Looking For Russian Love?
Find Russian Woman Of Your Dreams Search Through 1000s Of Profiles!
www.RussianEuro.com

Russian women
Sexy women from Baltic countries ready move to [your country inserted here, because Google knows where you live]
www.Single-Baltic-Lady.com

Sexy Baltic Ladies
Single ladies from Baltic countries are looking for love.
www.russian-women-personals.com
posted by Termite to Etiquette/Policy at 5:18 AM (55 comments total)

Man couldn't you have just emailed Matt or something? Do we have to go through this every single time someone doesn't like an ad?
posted by Optimus Chyme at 5:41 AM on September 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


were the prices reasonable?
posted by gman at 5:44 AM on September 21, 2009


Same as in town.
posted by Duke999R at 5:46 AM on September 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


So like, $20?
posted by Elmore at 5:48 AM on September 21, 2009


Do you want to know what I hate with a white hot passion? This whole trend of using the word "crave" in food advertising. If I hear or see one more variation of, "Get your crave on," or "We know what you crave," or other such rubbish that simply means, "We have so much salt, fat, and HFCS that we've blown your tastebuds" I'm going to complain to MetaTalk! Oh wait...
posted by mrmojoflying at 5:49 AM on September 21, 2009


Whoa whoa whoa. Advertisers are selling sex now?!
posted by DU at 6:06 AM on September 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


Was I the only person who wanted to put these ads in the haiku finder?
posted by pointystick at 6:13 AM on September 21, 2009


Caveat emptor, man. My friend bought one of those and it was NOT as advertised. The packaging showed a beautiful lady but when he opened the crate it was a brown bear with a scarf on its head. It can ride a bicycle, so that's cool. But it's really irritable and threatens to bite, and its scratches take forever to heal.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:14 AM on September 21, 2009 [9 favorites]


I have heard tell of this "Russian Bear". Thanks for the heads up Mayor C.
posted by josher71 at 6:17 AM on September 21, 2009


It's like a 10,000 kiloton missile of lurve aimed at the heart of America from the depths of commie-land.
posted by Abiezer at 6:27 AM on September 21, 2009


I'm waiting for the two-for-one sale.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:36 AM on September 21, 2009


I AM OUTRAGED AT THESE ADS! LOOK EVERYONE! LOOK HOW OUTRAGED I AM!!! GRAAARRR!!!!
posted by JeffK at 6:46 AM on September 21, 2009 [4 favorites]


In Soviet Russia, wives buy YOU!
posted by Chrysostom at 6:57 AM on September 21, 2009


Don't you worry baby boo, you'll always have an angry russian bear to be angry with you.
posted by molecicco at 7:06 AM on September 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


I've been collecting Soviet Wives for a while now. I have the complete Minsk collection and most of the Moskovites, but have had a hard time tracking down Gorky Park Ilyana -- if anybody has an extra they would be willing to let go at a reasonable price, please MeMail me.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:10 AM on September 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


mrmojoflying: ITS GOT WHAT PLANTS CRAVE
posted by theclaw at 7:25 AM on September 21, 2009


Similar to Garbage Pail Kids?
posted by blue_beetle at 7:27 AM on September 21, 2009


Yeah, these ads are kinda terrible. Also, what the hell is going on with these "Baltic lady" personals? I've never seen or heard that before.
posted by Kattullus at 7:37 AM on September 21, 2009


Also, what the hell is going on with these "Baltic lady" personals?

Community Chests.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 7:48 AM on September 21, 2009 [4 favorites]


I have the complete Minsk collection and most of the Moskovites, but have had a hard time tracking down Gorky Park Ilyana -- if anybody has an extra they would be willing to let go at a reasonable price, please MeMail me.

I'd like to pick your brain about the set-- I got Kharkov Katerina (as a gift) and she only has one leg. Did my mom give me a damaged, second-hand mail-order bride or is that leg supposed to be missing?
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:05 AM on September 21, 2009


Did my mom give me a damaged, second-hand mail-order bride or is that leg supposed to be missing?

That probably came in stuffed in a cargo tanker in Baltimore Harbor. There were a lot of problems with that shipment.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:15 AM on September 21, 2009 [3 favorites]


I got Chernobyl Calina the other week. Now I have splitting headaches and my refrigerator levitates.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:18 AM on September 21, 2009


I have heard tell of this "Russian Bear".

He could probably tear me limb from limb.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:44 AM on September 21, 2009


I have heard that Ukraine girls really knock you out and leave the West behind, and also that Moscow girls make you sing and shout that Georgia's on your mind. However, the constant ringing out of balalaikas may be a dealbreaker.
posted by Electric Dragon at 8:51 AM on September 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


[insert tired old Casablanca "shocked... SHOCKED" joke here.]
posted by shmegegge at 8:53 AM on September 21, 2009


Are any of these ladies named after Santa?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:07 AM on September 21, 2009


Yes. Santa was named a long time ago.
posted by yhbc at 9:15 AM on September 21, 2009 [7 favorites]


Ba-dum-kshh.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:16 AM on September 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


My brand new mail-order russian bride likes to wear a balaklava and play the balalaika while baking baklava.
It's a feature, not a bug.

So far....
posted by Floydd at 9:31 AM on September 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


That probably came in stuffed in a cargo tanker in Baltimore Harbor. There were a lot of problems with that shipment.

N'ah, they were never sold as they were past their expiry date.
posted by djgh at 9:34 AM on September 21, 2009


NaughtyRussian girls need love too.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 9:41 AM on September 21, 2009


Some assembly required.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:08 AM on September 21, 2009


hey, did they have any of the Russian amputee bride ads? I heard they were half off.
posted by mephron at 10:56 AM on September 21, 2009


As many mail-order bride operations are a front for human traffickers sexually exploiting women, I fail to see the humor in this and I'm offended the ads appear on this site.
posted by FunkyHelix at 10:58 AM on September 21, 2009 [2 favorites]


So now this turns into a thread about how many Metafilter men purchased Russian brides and the hilarity that ensued? Half off Russian amputee bride ads? Really, guys? WTF?
posted by onlyconnect at 11:05 AM on September 21, 2009 [1 favorite]




Preved!
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:19 AM on September 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


As many mail-order bride operations are a front for human traffickers sexually exploiting women, I fail to see the humor in this and I'm offended the ads appear on this site.
posted by FunkyHelix


*checks FunkyHelix's profile page*

Gender: More tits and ass than a Tijuana donkey show

Huh.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:21 AM on September 21, 2009 [1 favorite]


Sys Rq: "*checks FunkyHelix's profile page*

Gender: More tits and ass than a Tijuana donkey show

Huh.
"

yeah, that's not cool. and by "that" I mean you deciding to go and pick out a basically innocuous joke she made on her profile page as if it in some way made her into a hypocrite.
posted by shmegegge at 11:29 AM on September 21, 2009


cf. "I fail to see the humor"
posted by Sys Rq at 11:30 AM on September 21, 2009


no, I get it. I'm just trying to make the point that what you did is still not cool. if you disagree, que sera sera, I guess. but that's my point, whatever hypocrisy you see notwithstanding.
posted by shmegegge at 11:39 AM on September 21, 2009


As many mail-order bride operations are a front for human traffickers sexually exploiting women, I fail to see the humor in this and I'm offended the ads appear on this site.

What about the operations that are legitimate and provide a better life for two people willing to settle? In fact, I'll bet that most Russian matchmakers are merely rip-offs that take westerners money with no women involved at all.

Sometimes pizza shops are fronts for organized crime, but I don't write angry letters to Val*Pak when I get an ad for an unfamiliar pizza joint in the mail.
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:55 AM on September 21, 2009 [4 favorites]


yeah, that's not cool. and by "that" I mean you deciding to go and pick out a basically innocuous joke she made on her profile page as if it in some way made her into a hypocrite.

I think jokes about Russian brides forced to fuck sad American losers are probably better than jokes about women forced to fuck donkeys. Or maybe they're both bad. Regardless of whether one is worse than the other, to complain about one while being fine with the other is a little weird.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 12:01 PM on September 21, 2009


Some people have no sense of humor.
posted by languagehat at 12:04 PM on September 21, 2009


Hey! I posted that thread. I...have no opinion about this.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:04 PM on September 21, 2009


Except for that I made a typo in the title. I'm a bad person and feel bad for that.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:05 PM on September 21, 2009


Back when Overture was independent (ie not owned by Yahoo!) there were emails that went around showing things like this, as a reminder that the hand-placed ads Overture sold may have required more resources to place, but paid dividends in (among other things) not associating the advertiser's name or product with inappropriate material.

Case in point (and my personal favorite): a news article about a severed human head found in a suitcase inside an airport locker, and the Google ads on the side were all for Tourister luggage. For the rest of my life I will associate Tourister luggage with severed human heads, whether I want to or not.
posted by davejay at 12:12 PM on September 21, 2009


Hahaha, Chernobyl. It's funny because it happened to those backass eastern Europeans.

Jesus Christ.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:17 PM on September 21, 2009


Russian nuclear arms?
You can't hug your Russian bride with Russian nuclear arms!

/got nothin'.
posted by blenderfish at 6:40 PM on September 21, 2009


Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: Hahaha, Chernobyl. It's funny because it happened to those backass eastern Europeans.

No, it's funny because it's a tragedy so immense that the mind cannot comprehend it. This is also why "The Holocaust" is always a winning card in Apples to Apples.
posted by Kattullus at 6:51 PM on September 21, 2009


No, it's funny because it's a tragedy so immense that the mind cannot comprehend it.

Alright, I can give the benefit of the doubt on that one. I guess human trafficking/nuclear accident jokes are just lost on me. Call me humorless.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:31 AM on September 22, 2009


Try imagining human traffickers caught in an nuclear accident and see if that doesn't make you smile at least a bit.
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:05 AM on September 22, 2009 [2 favorites]


Please don't take these ads down, I just discovered this thread and have a lot of lonely single guy friends.

with credit cards
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 3:55 PM on September 22, 2009


See also: Three Mile Island. Ha ha Pennsylvanians.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:07 AM on September 23, 2009


I'm just disappointed I have to log out to see the ads.
posted by deborah at 3:14 PM on September 23, 2009


« Older I am art.   |   Austin City Limits meetup Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments