Help, I need somebody May 28, 2010 8:46 AM   Subscribe

What are your favorite threads and comments about helping people help themselves?

My friend at work is going through a super-rough situation with a friend who's mired in an endless bad money, work, and life situation, who doesn't and won't budget, may be depressed, and is about to get evicted. My friend is at the end of her rope helping with money, cleaning up messes, and generally playing mom, but doesn't want to just drop her bud. I says to myself, says I, "I'm sure there are lots of askme threads with great advice!" I can't seem to find any of them, despite looking through the human relations category and searching for various permutations of "friend", "deadbeat", "help", and other likely keywords.

So: Which threads about helping people help themselves have had advice that really resonated with you? I'll cast a pretty wide net here: It could be about friends or family with money problems, drug problems, depression problems, whatever - anything that might speak to someone who cares deeply about someone, but doesn't know how to help them any longer.

PS - I feel like there's a longer question here about improving search utility or searching tips, but don't know how to begin to frame it.
posted by peachfuzz to MetaFilter-Related at 8:46 AM (13 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

If you can't find one that's right on the money, you can always "ask for a friend."
posted by not_on_display at 9:12 AM on May 28, 2010

Any comment posted by Simon and Garfunkel.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:18 AM on May 28, 2010 [1 favorite]

Any of the comments/threads about how people have to want to help themselves before they can be helped.

You might try searching google for something like " lead horse drink" (and I'm not being snarky, it gets repeated in a lot of these threads). "Rock bottom" or "turnaround" may also be useful.
posted by whatzit at 9:23 AM on May 28, 2010

I think you actually mean "What are your favorite threads and comments about hoping people hope themselves?
posted by MuffinMan at 9:31 AM on May 28, 2010 [3 favorites]

This recent AskMe question about how and whether to help a troubled sister might be relevant.
posted by trunk muffins at 11:35 AM on May 28, 2010

I'm going to really resist the urge to link to the How to Dispose of a Corpse comment here, because it's too obvious.

But yeah, it did really help me to help myself.
posted by quin at 12:35 PM on May 28, 2010

seconding the How to Dispose of a Corpse. Its really not that hard...except when you're in an urban hotel/busy apt building and can't get a body out without someone noticing it.
posted by hal_c_on at 2:28 PM on May 28, 2010

How to Dispose of a Corpse was a great piece of writing, but as I recall, it left behind vast quantities of DNA. Liquid oxygen fueled burn pit.
posted by StickyCarpet at 10:34 PM on May 28, 2010

Leaving behind vast quantities of DNA isn't a problem. You just gotta use bleach (then clean it up), then water (then clean it up), then ammonia(then clean it up).

The DNA will still be there...but it becomes harder to detect when they do a primary scan to look for traces.
posted by hal_c_on at 10:51 PM on May 28, 2010

If they're at the point where they're looking for DNA in your apartment, you're probably sunk anyway (and likely already under arrest). Better to arrange some kind of bulletproof alibi, or at least something that a good defense lawyer could work with to create reasonable doubt.
posted by jokeefe at 10:59 PM on May 28, 2010

Sorry. Got carried away.

You might try doing searches related to depression, debt, homelessness, eviction, job loss, getting fired-- the sort of specific situations being faced by the person in question.
posted by jokeefe at 11:00 PM on May 28, 2010

I think you should search for "how do I help my alcoholic sibling/parents/mom/dad" threads. Those usually have a lot of good advice for taking care of yourself first when the relationship is close and hard.
posted by TooFewShoes at 5:34 PM on May 29, 2010

Enabled/enabler are a couple of keywords to try too.
posted by saucysault at 3:51 AM on May 30, 2010

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